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“Do you ever think about dying up here?”
Lance’s hands were shaking, which was new. The temperature in the red lion was at a stable 70 degrees Fahrenheit, so Lance couldn’t figure out why his hands were shaking. He was sitting on the bench behind the cockpit, going over the events of the latest mission. Get in, get out, don’t be seen. Recon. It’s never that easy.
“What are you talking about?” Keith asked, eyes staying ahead on the display in front of him. He was tense in his pilot chair, his voice curt. All Lance could see was the back of his helmet from where he was positioned, a smear of blood was stuck on the left side.
Lance’s hand continued to shake, “I don't know, like how at any moment a sentry or Galra soldier could shoot us or stab us and we’d bleed out or the lion could be shot down and explode or the castle could explode and we’d get sucked out into space or-”
“Lance,” Keith interrupted. He turned in his seat, hands still on the controls, and looked back at Lance, meeting his gaze for a moment before looking him over. Judging how his eyebrows knitted up in concern, he probably was worried about what he saw: Lance, hunched over with his elbows on his knees, fiddling with his hands so they would stop fricking shaking. Keith took a breath and then rose from his chair, walking over and sitting next to Lance in a similar manner on the bench. Lance wasn’t sure what to think with Keith so close to him in his current state. Current state? What was Lance even feeling right now?
“Hey,” Keith said, knocking him from that train of thought. Lance turned his head and saw Keith was staring at him, eyebrows still knit together. His voice was quieter when he said, “Lance, count your breaths, 3 in, 3 out. Can you do that?”
Oh, guess that feeling is panic. This didn’t feel like a panic attack though, but as Lance came into focus, he did notice his breathing was faster than normal. He did as Keith instructed, and they both stayed quiet for several minutes while Lance focused on the counts.
“Sometimes,” Keith suddenly said unprompted.
“What?”
“I think about dying up here. In space.”
“Oh.”
Keith leaned back and crossed his arms as his back hit the wall behind him. He had taken off his helmet at some point, and his hair was shaggy against his eyes, strands sticking together with sweat. His eyes looked tired as he stared off into the wall in front of them. “It’s kind of impossible not to, since we are literally fighting a war. But…,” he started off slowly, “I also believe in fate and destiny. To an extent.” He glanced over to Lance to see if there would be a reaction to that. Lance stared quietly back, not sure where Keith was taking this conversation.
Keith licked his lips before continuing, “Like, fate brought us all together in my tiny shack in the desert to find the blue lion, who was calling to me because she knew I would bring you to her. It was destiny that brought us here, in space, to form a giant sentient robot with giant sentient mecha cats. Kind of hard not to think there’s not something larger at play with all that laid out in front of me.” Keith closed his eyes as he readjusted his back against the wall, bringing his chest out and then back in as he settled. Lance couldn’t do anything but stare.
“So by that logic, to me, I believe that fate brought us out here for a reason. To do something. And I don’t think we are going to die before that’s done.” He opened his eyes again to look at Lance.
“That’s kind of stupid,” Lance says before he thinks. Fuck. Here Keith is opening up to him and trying to COMFORT him and Lance says hes stupid? Great job.
But instead of Keith storming off or punching him, he chuckles and leans his head back again, “Heh, maybe, but it helps me sleep at night.”
Lance doesn’t know what to say to that, so he lets the silence sit. His chest feels heavy, so he starts to try and remove his chest plate. One of the latches on his side is stuck though, probably from one of the many blasts or hits he took earlier, and he lets out a frustrated sigh when he feels fingers on his hand. He whips his head to Keith, who is looking at him with knitted brows once again. “Let me,” he says quietly.
Lance feels his throat close and his heart rate quicken, but he nods and moves his hand out of the way as Keith scoots a little closer to get a better look at the latch. He can feel the heat radiating off his body, but just as soon as it came, it was gone as Keith quickly forced the latch open and moved back on the bench. Lance let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding while trying to not rip the chest plate off over his head. He let it loudly fall to the floor, with the blue insignia facing up back to him. Mixed emotions filled his brain as looked down to it.
“Sometimes, just when I’m thinking about how I’m starting to accept what’s happening to my life, something will happen that will set me back to the starting line. I don’t know how to keep doing this.” Lance could feel the pin pricks of tears forming, but like hell he was going to cry in front of Keith. “I’ve always wanted my life to mean something, but I don’t know if I ever meant like this. Away from Earth, away from my family.”
Another long pause filled the air. Lance sucked in a breath before running a hand through his hair and leaned back against the wall with Keith, looking ahead.
“Sorry man, I don’t mean to dump this on you right now.”
“No no,” Keith quickly said, turning to face Lance, “I just, I don’t know what to say because...I don’t feel the same. About missing family. Shiro is the only family I have, and he’s here so…” Keith cast his eyes down, “and well, you know, I kinda started considering you all family. I mean, we’ve all been stuck together for months and we live together and do everything together, so... ” Keith’s face was a touch more pink as he trailed off. Lance was surprised by Keith’s admission. He thinks of them all as part of his family? Lance’s heartstrings ached. A smile crept onto his face.
Keith’s eyes widened, embarrassed, “What?!”
“Awwww, Keith,” Lance leaned more into Keith’s side of the bench, close to touching his shoulder while sporting a bigger grin, “you like ussssss.”
Lance couldn’t help but tease. Stoic, lone wolf Keith opening up? Not being a jerk for more than five minutes? ADMITTING he didn’t hate all of them, besides Shiro? Getting absolutely flustered at Lance rubbing in that fact? Lance could kiss him.
Wait-
“Ok, that’s the last time I share feelings with you,” Keith loudly announced as he suddenly pushed himself off the bench and turned back to the pilot seat. Lance panicked and grabbed his hand before he was out of reach, “Wait! Wait.” Keith turned slightly and avoided Lance’s gaze. Lance swallowed, “I’m sorry. I miss my family on Earth, but I consider you guys my family too. Even you.” Lance gave Keith’s hand a little squeeze.
A faint smile ghosted over Keith’s lips before pulling his hand away and sitting back in the pilots chair. He put his helmet back on and radioed in their location to Coran, updating them on their return to the castle. Lance spread his legs out on the bench with Keith’s absence, mulling over their conversation. He was still angry about… a lot, but felt better than he did before. His hands were no longer shaking. Keith reminded him he wasn’t alone, and while they didn’t share the exact same experiences, it doesn’t mean they couldn't help each other. And Keith was turning out to not be a total pain like he originally thought. Keith was actually...nice.
He tried to focus on these thoughts as Lance closed his eyes and started drifting in and out of consciousness. Before he passed out completely, he could have sworn he heard a small “rest easy sharpshooter” from the cockpit.