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She heard the shower shut off with a yelp.
"What the hell?!" The ensuite door hit the wall and Gray stood there, towel wrapped hurriedly around his waste, water dripping from his hair.
She hitched the towel tighter and looked away.
"Babe..."
She knew he could see her erect nipples through the towel. She'd wondered before if they were too long, too prominent. She knew in porn it could be erotic, but porn wasn't real life.
"Babe." Gray took a step towards her. "You know we don't have to do this..."
"I just- I just didn't want you to think I didn't want it." She glanced towards him and away again without meeting his eyes. "Cause I- I do. But I know, like, the first time is always awkward and I just didn't want you to think that I wasn't enjoying it."
"Ok." He ran a hand over his head. "I think maybe we should leave it for tonight."
"No, wait." She blurted. Her hand twitched towards him before returning to grip her towel. "This is why. I do want. To do it. With you."
"I know you do babe, but you clearly also kind of don't."
She felt her cheeks darken even further. "It's just... what if..."
"What if what?"
She couldn't answer.
"Ok, let me get dressed. You get dressed. And then we'll talk."
His footsteps returned to the bathroom and the door shut.
*****
"Right, so I'm gonna guess a few ideas and you can give me a hot or cold. Does that sound ok?"
She nodded slowly, keeping her back firmly to him as she made two teas.
"I'm thinking if you're really that nervous but you seriously- and I mean properly seriously- want to have sex, then we need to talk through some ground rules. So first off, what are you expecting?"
The teaspoon chinked against the cup. "Ummm... Probably a bit painful, quite awkward. Maybe... I mean, what if you don't like what you see?"
She turned round finally to see him thoughtfully perusing the wall opposite. She handed him a cup. It was definitely stewed, but he made no mention that both of them knew he was more of a 'dip it and out' kind of guy.
"Well for a start, you probably won't believe whatever I say, but a body is a body. I've been with several and there's never been anything enough to put me off."
"Wow, hell of a pep talk." She muttered "-even if I don't like you, I'm sure I can suck it up enough to finish the job."
He raised an eyebrow at her. "That is not what I said. But if you're going to take that attitude, I think this conversation should wait."
"No, that was petty. Let's carry on."
He watched her carefully for a few more seconds. "Anyways, I have reason to believe I will love your body."
She startled back against the counter, eyebrows shooting high and spilling tea.
"Babe, you know I've seen you topless."
Her shoulders deflated. "Oh, yes. But what about elsewhere?"
"Ok, I'm not too sure what you thinks gonna put me off. I'm not sure how to move past this one other than to say I know I won't be."
"That sounds a little creepy." She said lightly.
He laughed. "Yeah, probably. I'm not sure what you want me to say."
"I don't know." She sighed. "You know I'm self conscious."
"Yeah, and you know that I'm pretty enjoying every part of you that you've given me so far."
She blushed, looking down into her mug.
She could feel his eyes on her again when he said, "It won't be painful or awkward. It doesn't have to be when done properly."
"I know it doesn't have to be- I've watched-" Her eyes flicked up to his face and away. "I've read- porn, but that's not reality."
She could hear the smile in his voice. "Babe, porn for once, is actually kind of right. I won't hurt you."
The front door slammed open before she could reply.
*****
She got a text a few hours later.
Gray: Would it help if you were blindfolded.
It took several hours to think it over before she cautiously replied.
*****
He carefully tied the knot behind her head.
"How's that?"
She blinked, feeling breathless. "Yeah, good."
"Can you get it off?"
She slid it upwards over her forehead and back down again.
"Perfect. Now remember, if you want to stop, say so."
She nodded.
"No, I want you to say it. I'm not going to do this, if you're just going to push through it so that I have a 'good time'." His accented the last two syllables.
She felt forwards and gripped his hand. "If I want you to stop, I will say stop." Her voice sounded nervous but almost eager as well. She felt emboldened.
His lips brushed her forehead.
"I want you to talk to me as well. Let me know what you like."
She nodded again, mouth falling a little open as his fingers stroked along her collar bone and down between her breasts.
She could feel the taught material of her shirt loosening as he unded the buttons, before pushing it backwards off her shoulders.
Then her bra released and he stroked one strap and then the other down her arms.
His hands were on her shoulders, straightening them before she'd even realised she'd hunched inwards. He continued the pressure until she was lying down flat.
"I'm gonna make you feel so good, baby." The husky tenor of his voice sent goosebumps across her arms.
The sound she made when she first felt his mouth on her left nipple was definitely embarassing. He chuckled.
"Oh babe, you are so precious."
"I wasn't expecting it." She crossed her arms before he could get his lips on her again.
His hands tugged at hers and she released her arms again. He pinned her arms above her head. "I love you."
She smiled. "I love you too."