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Every time you smile...
His heart quickens. Sweat pools within his fists. Mouth dries up, leaving so many cracks.
Every time you greet him...
The blood rushes to his face. He stumbles, stammering over his words. His gaze turns away, your brilliance too bright to take in long doses.
"Hey Joe, you okay?"
His breath falters. You always noticed.
"Hahaha, me? I'm fine! Course I'm fine! There's no way I wouldn't be, y'know me," he smiles, dragging his sparkling eyes back up to yours.
Your gentle expression almost causes his heart to fail.
Dammit...
Why couldn't he just be honest?
...It was the same old story. The same old song and dance, forever with you.
As much as he could admit it to himself, the way thoughts of you run rampant through his mind, the way he could barely hold himself together whenever you two touched, an accidental brush of the hand, an arm resting against his, the tingling sensation...how he'd use these instances as fuel for further debauched fantasies, panting, moaning into the night...
For some reason...he couldn't bring himself to tell you. It wasn't the right time, he'd tell himself.
It was never the right time. Not for something like this.
Alright...that wasn't just it.
Joe couldn't possibly subject you to the full extent of his feelings for you.
Ugly, dark whispers spoke in the corners of his mind, accompanying thoughts of you. They spoke of pure, selfish indulgence, of stealing you away, never giving you the chance of a normal relationship. Of giving into his impulses and symbolically branding you with his seal, making it so that no one else was allowed to do so.
But he didn't want that for you. You were best suited for simple, uncomplicated things. Like the way he tried to be on the surface; like the way he naturally was with everyone but you.
And he was too twisted up inside by this point to give you that side of him, not unless there were patches of ingenuity.
So he kept these things to himself; he would satisfy himself with your strictly platonic rapport. He'd force himself into contentment.
He'd made up his mind.
At least...until another had stumbled upon the outskirts of his private oasis.
"Hey! I haven't seen you around here before. Did you move here just recently?"
"Haha, not really, I've been here for about a year actually."
"Oh, makes sense; I'm from around here, and I was actually abroad for a year. I'm sure I'd remember someone as pretty as you."
His insides squeezed at the sight. It wasn't his place. You could make friends with, or date whoever you wanted.
"I hope this isn't too forward, but, did you maybe wanna hang out some time? There aren't too many around here that aren't originally from here; I feel like we'd have some things to talk about."
That said...
"Oh, er, that sounds nice...It would be good to talk to someone who knows about other places."
Wasn't it his duty as a friend to be protective of you?
"Heyyy, (Y/N)! Ya ready for karaoke night?!" A boisterous tone rang out as a hurried pair of steps closed in.
"Ah, who's this?" Joe asked, tilting his head curiously.
"Oh, I think I've seen you around before. Tazuna, right?"
"Yeah, that's right," he smiled, "and this here's one of my best pals!" He swung his arm over your shoulder and tugged you closer to him, beaming at you, and then the guy.
He almost couldn't concentrate from the amount of skin on skin contact he'd initiated.
"Oh, haha, I see," he replied awkwardly.
"Well then, (Y/N), was it? I'll look forward to seeing you around," he smiled faintly, waved and walked away.
The brunette couldn't help his grin fading slightly, unable to help his relief.
"Joe, you okay?"
Your voice of concern at his slipping expression snapped him back. He didn't want to worry you; that was the last thing he should do. You should never be troubled by his problems.
He didn't really have a right to complain.
And yet your eyes were so sincere as you repeated your concern, looking at him carefully, as if you could discern his secrets with just a look.
"Heh, 's nothin'! Don't worry about it," he laughed, trying not to sound pained.
"Joe..."
Your face said it all.
"I'll listen to anything you want to say. I told you, remember? If there's anything wrong, I'm here for you."
Crap...this...
Under the weight of your expression, of your gentle concern, his resolve couldn't help but crumble.
"Hey..."
"...Would it be too selfish of me...if I said I wanted ya more to myself...?"
....
"Joe..."
He turned away, embarrassed and regretful, "S-Sorry, I know it's dumb of me. But for some reason, when it comes to you, I just can't help myself. I..."
"You don't have to explain, you know."
"Huh?" He turned to look at you, surprised.
You smiled gently, "You're jealous."
With just a simple word, you struck through the younger man's heart.
"Guh--!"
Thoughts began to spiral as the situation left his control.
"...But I don't mind."
The raging storm quelled; "Wh...wha...?"
"...Really?"
You nodded.
And Joe couldn't help but set upon you, jumping you like an overexcited canine.
His arms wrapped tight around you, feeling himself in a type of heaven and hell all at once since he was touching you so fully, but part of his doing so was so you didn't see the embarrassing tears that sprung to his eyes.
He was so lame, almost crying like this.
"Ahh...you're....ya really are too good to me," he uttered, breathing shakily.
And he meant it.
For someone like him...you really were too good.
As his mind flashed to all the times he imagined perverted versions of similar scenarios, he embraced you tighter.
In the end--
Joe didn't deserve to pursue you.
His wretched, filthy hands would warp and taint your brightness into black. His possessive embrace would be your ruin.
He didn't want that; you were too wonderful.
But now, after this event, he didn't think he would be able to stop himself either.
Not until the primal side of him won what it so desperately has sought.
"Heheh...hey, so, Joe...does this mean...you like me...?"
He gulped heavily, viciously torn down the middle, half of him hoping he was strong enough to hold off.
"Ya really want me to come out and say it, huh?"
What a joke.
He pulls away from you.
"You're one of the most amazing girls I know. I laugh and have so much fun with ya. Ya even go along with so many dumb ideas I come up with. I'd hafta be crazy not to like you."
He was never strong enough to ever hope of resisting.
As you bashfully replied, his selfishness urged him forward, until he was stealing you in a kiss; gentle, loving, but packed with so much repressed longing.
It didn't matter what the righteous side of him wanted.
He would drag you down with him until the both of you were wrecked by this feeling.
~~~