Chapter Text
"Trap..."
Trapper spun around to see Hawkeye in the doorway, and his rage immediately turned to fear and guilt.
"Trapper what are you doing?" Hawkeye asked quietly, he was unable to keep the fear out of his own voice.
Trapper tried to answer, but he couldn't. It caught in his throat and pins and needles crawled up his back. He stared back at Hawkeye almost helplessly. It was all the confirmation Hawkeye needed. He shoved past Trapper hard, kneeling over the patient's cot. His fluids had been cut off for multiple minutes and his pulse was weak. The next few minutes were a blur as Hawkeye tried to resuscitate the man, but exactly as he feared he would, his heart finally stopped. Hawkeye stood slowly and turned to Trapper, fighting not to scream at him.
"Hawk..." Trapper choked out.
Hawkeye didn't say anything. He glared at the other surgeon, then silently pushed past him out the door. Trapper followed him, desperately searching for a way to justify his actions.
"Hawk," he said again, finally regaining his ability to speak. "Hawkeye, where are you going?" he grabbed his friend's arm. He had to hear him say something, anything. He would have preferred it if he just yelled.
"To tell Colonel Blake you sabotaged my patient." Hawkeye tried to yank his arm away, but Trapper's grip just tightened.
"Hawkeye, please..."
"Please what, McIntyre?" Hawkeye spat. The distance in his last name, coming from Hawkeye struck the words from him again.
"I messed up." Was all he managed. He couldn't bring himself to ask Hawkeye not to tell Henry, but he begged him with his eyes. Hawkeye just stared back hard, his expressio almost unreadable, somewhere between fury and disgust. He stood silent for what felt like forever.
"I'll say there was a blockage in the IV." he said at last.
Trapper was as greatful as he was ashamed. He nodded thankfully. He didn't deserve the out, they both knew it, but risking his career to cover up Trapper's mistake was the last kind thing Hawkeye ever did for him. The coldness he summoned using his last name remained. From then on they were "Pierce" and "McIntyre" to each other. Those who noticed were surprised, but never inquired about the sudden change. No one else ever found out the truth about the Korean's death, but in the new space between them, they could never forget.
....................
Almost a year later, Trapper got the wonderful news that he was going home. He couldn't decide if it was fortunate or unfortunate Pierce was away on R&R. He struggled to think of what to say, if anything. Would it be better to simply vanish from Pierce's life? Did he want to say goodbye? Even if they shared something horrible together, did he at least want to acknowledge it? He tried to call once. After that failed, he settled on a note.
"I'm sorry. Thank you again."