Archive of Our Own

Jihoon looked at the bouquet of flowers, he'd seen Seungcheol holding onto it the entire day but now that he was gifting it to him, he couldn't help but feel nervous about it. 

He'd never really talked to the guy, sure, they were classmates, but apart from the usual homework talk, they never actually talked. But there he was, in his graduation gown, with a bouquet of flowers with Jihoon's name on it. 

"I really like you Jihoon," Seungcheol mumbled, waiting for Jihoon to grab the bouquet. "I know we haven't talked much, but… I really really like you, you just make me so nervous that's why I could never approach you." Jihoon raised his gaze to look at him, he'd been confessed to by girls, but never a guy, this was new to him. 

"I didn't know you liked men." Seungcheol looked at him and stuttered when he heard that. 

"I like you."

"Oh, so you're not sure then…" Jihoon had never thought about the fact that he might be gay, but now with one of the most attractive guys in school confessing to him, he was starting to question it. 

"I don't want to pressure you into anything." Seungcheol began to talk when he saw Jihoon conflicted. "I just want to keep in contact with you after this. I regret not becoming your friend in all these years, I just want to be more close to you… I wanted to know if you would like to go on a date with me sometime and maybe… Give me a chance?" 

Jihoon looked at him in the eyes, it must have taken a lot of courage for Seungcheol to confess, especially if he didn't know Jihoon's thoughts on homosexuality. That could have definitely gone very wrong if said to the wrong person. He reached out with one hand to grab the bouquet of flowers. 

"Yes, sure." he finally answered, he smiled softly when he saw Seungcheol's wide grin after he said that.

Jihoon looked out the window after he placed his coffee cup on the table, they’d been silent for a few minutes. It was clear that Seungcheol was nervous, it was their first date after all. Every time Jihoon remembered that it was a date he got even more nervous. They met at a coffee shop, a public place for a first date was a good decision, but Jihoon had been fiddling with the straw for the last five minutes, which felt like an hour, and he wasn’t sure about what to say. 

“What are you going to do after the summer ends?” Seungcheol finally spoke. 

“I have a scholarship for a uni I want to go, I’m going to do music.” 

“That’s great,” Seungcheol answered with a smile. 

“What about you?” 

“I was waitlisted by the uni I wanted to attend, but if they accept me, I might get a sports scholarship.” Jihoon nodded slowly and sipped his coffee.

Jihoon had never been good at making friends, much less if Seungcheol wasn’t going to be just his friend, if everything went alright. Their first dates were like that, awkward, but for some reason, Jihoon kept saying yes every time Seungcheol called. It might’ve been because it was summer and Jihoon had nothing to do, or because he still didn’t have a cellphone so Seungcheol had to call his house phone and his mom always seemed so happy that he was going out so much. But mainly it was because Jihoon felt good hanging out with Seungcheol. 

When Seungcheol held his hand for the first time they were both sitting at the back of a cinema watching a movie that Jihoon picked. Seungcheol had paid for the tickets and the food, Jihoon thought that was very kind of him. He had his hand resting on the armrest and he tensed up when he felt Seungcheol’s touch, he moved his eyes from the screen to look at their hands, so close to each other and yet not holding each other. So Jihoon moved his hand and placed his palm up, Seungcheol grabbed it and they held hands. No one was around to see them and the place was too dark for anyone to notice. Jihoon suppressed a smile and for the rest of the movie, he saw Seungcheol struggle to eat the popcorn with his left hand because he didn’t want to let go of Jihoon’s hand. As time passed Jihoon moved around the seat, he felt comfortable in the movie theatre since he was always there, he always kicked his feet up the seat when there was no one in front of him. So he rested his knee on the armrest to his right, which was empty, and leaned against Seungcheol, resting his head on his shoulder. They only let go of each other’s hands when the lights turned on. Jihoon felt comfortable around Seungcheol. 

They talked about classes mainly, since that was the only thing they had in common as far as they knew, and since they weren’t friends in high school, they still had a lot of anecdotes to share. 

“I’m just glad it’s over,” Jihoon said with a smile, they were both sitting on swings at an empty park, it was late so the sun had almost set and all the kids had already left. 

“Aren’t you scared?” 

“Of what?” Jihoon asked, he turned his head to look at him. 

“I don’t know, it feels… weird. Now that high school’s over and we have to start university. It’s a big change.” 

“I’ve been waiting…” Jihoon started to explain. “I can’t be scared because I’m so eager to start already. I want to start classes just so I can graduate already and start doing what I actually want to do.” 

“What do you want to do?” 

“Music.” Jihoon said, he rested his cheek on the chain of the swing. “I play a lot of instruments so, for now, I want to just try everything, see what catches my attention. I’m just tired of doing shit I don’t care about.” Seungcheol nodded slowly. “What do you want to do?” 

“I… I don’t know. I’m not sure.” 

“You don’t like anything?”

“I hated every single subject in school.” Seungcheol told him with a smile, which made Jihoon laugh. “Except P.E, but I think almost every guy in class would say that.” 

“True.” Jihoon looked at the floor and thought about it for a moment. “Didn’t you tell me you might get a sports scholarship?” 

“Yeah, emphasis on the might . Everyone already got their letter, I don’t think I will.” 

“It’s not the end of the world if you don’t start to study right now.” 

“It feels like it is.” 

“But you still play, right?” 

“Yeah, I have summer practice. I play hockey.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Jihoon mumbled. “I never went to any of your games, sorry.” 

“It’s fine, not everyone likes hockey. I saw you play baseball a couple of times, back when you were in the team.” 

“Is that when you fell for me?” Jihoon teased with a smile on his face, Seungcheol let out a giggle. 

“If you actually want to know… I don’t think I could tell you an exact moment.” 

“Really?” Jihoon asked, clearly disappointed. “You know, those moments, in anime, when the male protagonist looks at the girl when she’s laughing or right after she said something, and you can almost hear the thunk of the cupid’s arrow going straight through their heart,” Jihoon explained while making the motions with his hands, as if he was being stabbed in the heart, Seungcheol smiled at him. 

“Let me think about it…” Seungcheol kept silent for a moment. “I was curious about you, but I thought it was just because I wanted to be your friend. But if I had to pick a moment… I think it would be last year, we had that group project, remember? There were other people working with us, but they all left you with so much work, I felt really bad about it. But I couldn’t do anything since I was so busy with practice.” 

“Yeah, I remember you asked me if I wanted you to stay behind to help me.” 

“But you knew I was busy so you just told me to go to practice and that it would be fine.” Seungcheol continued to explain. “And you smiled at me when you said it.” 

Jihoon turned his head to look at him, Seungcheol was looking ahead as if trying to remember the moment. 

“That one.” Seungcheol pointed out when he moved his gaze towards Jihoon and saw him smiling at him.

Jihoon hadn’t even noticed that he was smiling, and suddenly he was so nervous and so aware of Seungcheol’s feelings, he could barely keep his heartbeat steady. Jihoon avoided his gaze and looked at the floor, feeling his cheeks flush. 

“Are you going to the summer festival?” Seungcheol asked after a minute of silence.

“No, I never go.” 

“Do you want to come with me? I always go with some of my friends, I’ll introduce you to them, it’ll be fun.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Jihoon agreed, looking back at him with a smile on his face. 

He never actually went to the summer festival because it was so crowded and none of his friends invited him. He had friends, but not the ones you hang out with after school, so during summer he just stayed home a lot. It was nice now that he had Seungcheol and he could go out more, so for the first time he was actually excited to go to the summer festival. 

It was hot outside that night, and Seungcheol told him they would meet there, so Jihoon walked until he saw the lights and the crowded place full of stores and games. Jihoon smiled when he saw Seungcheol talking with his friends and he approached them, but he started to feel awkward when he noticed it wasn’t anyone from class. 

“Jihoon!” Seungcheol greeted him with a smile when he saw him. 

He smiled politely at his friends when Seungcheol started to introduce them, he wasn’t sure if he was going to remember all of their names. They bought snacks and walked through the fair, he was having fun, his friends were fun to be around and they treated Jihoon just like their friend. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” one of them told him while they were walking, he turned his face to look at him, he was pretty sure his name was Mingyu. “He talks about you all the time.”

“Does he?” he asked surprised. 

“Yeah, I feel like I already know you from everything that Seungcheol’s told me.” 

“Hey, what are you telling him?” Seungcheol grabbed him by the neck and lowered his head to mess up his hair, Mingyu laughed at that. 

“Nothing, nothing.” Mingyu tried to defend himself, Jihoon laughed at them when he saw them fooling around. 

He hadn’t seen that side of Seungcheol yet, they weren’t that close. He’d seen him fool around with his friends during class, but their relationship was so confusing, Jihoon didn’t know what to think of it. He didn’t feel close to Seungcheol so he wondered if accepting his confession was the right thing to do. 

“The fireworks are going to start in a few minutes,” Seungcheol told him after Mingyu started talking to his friends, they both slowed down and Jihoon saw Seungcheol’s friends walk in front of them. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“It’s going to get really crowded in a while, I know this place where we can see the fireworks really well.” 

“Really? Should we tell them so that we can start walking there?” Jihoon gestured towards Seungcheol’s friends but Seungcheol grabbed his hand and stopped him. 

“I was thinking… Maybe we could go together, just the two of us.” Jihoon tried not to look at their hands intertwined and nodded slowly. 

They walked slowly, trying not to catch up with their friends, and Seungcheol didn’t let go of his hand. They’d never held hands in such a public place where anyone could see them. He felt jealous about girls, he sometimes saw girls holding hands and no one would think twice about it, when it comes to friendships, friendships between girls are always closer. He couldn’t hold Seungcheol’s hand in public, people would know. But there they were, holding hands in a public place. It was probably because it was so crowded, no one was looking at their hands, and if someone saw them, they might think that they were holding hands in order to not lose sight of each other. 

Seungcheol pulled him out of the crowd after a few minutes and they ventured into the woods, Jihoon looked back and saw Seungcheol’s friends talking and joking, they hadn’t even noticed they were gone. 

They were both silent, Jihoon didn’t know what to say, it had been a nice afternoon, with other people around Jihoon noticed that they talked more. But now that they were alone it was back to awkwardness. After a few minutes walking they apparently reached the place Seungcheol was talking about. It was a little bit farther away from the fireworks than the fair, but the open and clear sky led him to believe that they would probably see them better. An empty patch of grass, with a few trees behind them and a tiny cliff in front, the fall wasn’t too bad, but that permitted them to see the sky clearly since the forest ended there. Seungcheol sat down in the grass and Jihoon did too after seeing him. They weren’t holding hands anymore. 

“I know it’s farther away, but trust me, I come here every summer.” Jihoon smiled at him and then turned to look at the sky when he heard the first explosion. 

They looked in silence at the first few fireworks but Jihoon turned his head when he saw Seungcheol laying down on the grass. 

“Lay down, that way you’ll only see the sky.” Jihoon did as told and opened his eyes to look at the clear dark sky with colourful lights every few seconds, from that angle, that’s all he saw, and he felt relaxed. 

He tensed up when after he moved his hand and he accidentally touched Seungcheol’s hand in the process. But he left it there, close to Seungcheol’s. After a minute their hands were touching, purposely, but it was Seungcheol who made the first move and actually grabbed Jihoon’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Jihoon smiled and looked at the fireworks, Seungcheol’s hand was sweaty since it was so hot outside, but maybe it was because he was just nervous. Jihoon bit his lip and waited for a moment before letting go of his hand. Seungcheol looked at him confused but before he could say anything Jihoon moved closer to him and grabbed his arm so that he would hug him, he rested his cheek on Seungcheol’s chest and looked at the sky. Seungcheol hesitated for a moment but then he finally placed his hand on Jihoon’s arm. 

“Your heart’s beating really fast,” Jihoon whispered suddenly, now he could hear it very clearly. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” Jihoon mumbled and grabbed Seungcheol’s right hand to bring it to his chest. “Mine’s too,” he whispered, and almost felt Seungcheol’s breath stop when he felt Jihoon’s heart racing against his hand. 

Jihoon moved his hand but didn’t let go of Seungcheol’s, so they both rested their intertwined hands on Seungcheol’s stomach. He felt his heartbeat slow down as time went by, just like Seungcheol’s. Even after the fireworks were over they stayed like that for a while, Jihoon felt nice cuddling with Seungcheol, he’d never been that close to someone else. 

“Jihoon.” Seungcheol called for him, Jihoon heard his voice echo in his ears since his ear was against his chest.

“Mmh?” 

“Are we… Are we dating?” Seungcheol mumbled, they had actually never confirmed it, Jihoon agreed to have dates with him and give him a chance, but they never agreed on relationship terms. That’s why Jihoon had accepted Seungcheol, since he wasn’t going to be tied to ‘boyfriend’ etiquette as soon as he said yes. But now Seungcheol was asking him, and it had been almost a month since they’d been going on dates, so Jihoon felt like it was right to answer him.

“Yes.” there was a moment of silence before Seungcheol replied, Jihoon could hear his heartbeat speed up.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” 

“Me neither.”

After that night Jihoon would hang out with Seungcheol and his friends from time to time. He sometimes wondered if he was any different from his friends, Seungcheol would treat him more closely now that they’d gotten closer, but he then saw him with his friends and thought that he didn’t treat him too different from how he treated his friends. But then Seungcheol would hold his hand, or buy him ice cream even when all of his friends asked why he only treated Jihoon, or kiss him on the cheek after he took him home, and then Jihoon would see the difference. But still, they couldn’t hang out all the time since Seungcheol still had summer practice, still, Seungcheol would use almost all of his free time to spend it with Jihoon. 

“Jihoon!” he took out his headphones when he heard his mother’s voice over the music and saw her on the door of the living room with the house phone on her hand. “It’s Seungcheol.” 

He smiled and got up to grab the phone. 

“Hey.” he greeted him while he walked to his room.

‘Hey, are you free tomorrow?’

“You know I’m always free.” 

‘Right, just checking.’ Seungcheol laughed. 

“What do you want to do?” 

‘Actually, tomorrow is my last day of summer practice, we’re going to celebrate since it’s the last year some of us are going to be playing.’

“Oh, right, you won’t be playing with them anymore, right?”

‘Yeah, it’s my last year, so they wanted to do a little farewell party for the seniors. Mingyu said it would be a good idea if you came.’

“Mmmh… I don’t know, I’m not part of the team, I feel like I would be a burden.” 

‘No, don’t worry about it, it won’t be just people from the team. I think some parents are coming, and some guys from the team said that they’re going to bring their girlfriends.’

“Oh, so you want to bring your boyfriend?” Jihoon asked with a smile, whispering so his parents wouldn’t hear him. 

‘Yeah.’ Jihoon laughed at his honesty. ‘Besides, you get along pretty well with some of the guys from the team, no one will question it.’

“All right, I can go.”

‘Great, I’ll pick you up tomorrow after lunch.’

“Okay, see you tomorrow.”

‘See you.’ 

Thankfully, he didn’t feel weird about being there, there were some people that weren’t from the team so he didn’t feel too out of place. And Seungcheol was right, he was becoming closer to some of the team members. He was talking to Mingyu when Seungcheol came with some snacks for Jihoon, everyone was standing around and talking, there were some people skating but Jihoon refused when Seungcheol offered it to him. 

“At least we got to see you right before your birthday,” Mingyu told Seungcheol with a smile, Jihoon frowned and raised his head when he heard that. 

“Birthday? When is your birthday?” Jihoon asked confused since he never told him. 

“It’s this Saturday, the eighth, he never wants to hang out on his birthday because it’s summer.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?!” Jihoon exclaimed after he heard Mingyu. 

“I never do anything for my birthday.”

“You can’t do that,” Jihoon complained. 

“Not only that, it’s his eighteenth birthday, and he doesn’t want to do anything.” Mingyu noted. 

“Wha- You can’t, you have to do something for your birthday,” Jihoon told him, punching him on the shoulder. 

“I regret ever introducing you two.” Seungcheol sighed. 

“I mean, at least we get to kind of celebrate today with the team, but we can’t force him to do something on his birthday since there’s no practice that day. So Jihoon, I trust you will make him celebrate his birthday, even if he doesn't want to.” 

“Mission accepted,” Jihoon said seriously and then the three of them burst out laughing. 

On Seungcheol’s birthday he went to pick up Jihoon at his house like every time they hung out. But this time, Jihoon grabbed his hand and pulled him towards his house. 

“Where are you taking me?” Seungcheol asked with an arched eyebrow, Jihoon smiled at him. 

“I couldn’t… Buy you anything, since everything is closed now and you didn’t tell me your birthday was so close.” 

“I didn’t want you to give me any gifts,” Seungcheol told him with a smile.

“But I wanted to. So, I made something for you.” 

“Oh god.” 

“Come,” Jihoon said as he guided him inside his house, Seungcheol had never been in Jihoon’s house so he looked around curiously while Jihoon dragged him up the stairs. 

“Your parents?” 

“They’re out, they’ll be back in a while tho,” Jihoon explained. 

He closed the door behind them and Seungcheol looked around, noticing that they were in his room. 

“Sit down,” Jihoon told him but then grabbed him by the shoulders and made him sit down on his bed just to make sure. 

Jihoon sat on a stool and took the cover off a keyboard there was in his room. 

“You wrote me a song?” Seungcheol guessed with a smile. 

“Yeah,” Jihoon answered, a nervous giggle in his voice. 

He placed his fingers on the keys and took a breath before he started playing, Seungcheol looked at him without being able to wipe off the smile on his face. He listened to the short song Jihoon had composed for him, it was nice, he tried to remember every note. 

When Jihoon stopped he turned to look at Seungcheol, he looked nervous about his reaction, but Seungcheol just couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t write any lyrics or anything.” 

“No, Jihoon, that was great, I loved it.” Seungcheol assured him, he got up from the bed and walked over to him. “Thank you, this is the best gift ever,” he said as he hugged him. 

They left the house before Jihoon’s parents came back since Jihoon didn’t want to deal with the awkward moment of introducing Seungcheol to his parents. As always they decided to just walk around the city, like they always did on their dates. They went to the cinema a couple of times, one of the only places where they could just sit in the back and hold hands without anyone looking at them. But they decided they didn’t want to spend Seungcheol’s birthday in a dark and closed space. 

“What are you carrying?” Seungcheol asked, placing a hand on Jihoon’s backpack. 

“You’ll see,” Jihoon answered with a smile, he moved his hands to intertwine his fingers with Seungcheol’s. 

Seungcheol looked around to see if there was anyone that would see them, but the place was pretty empty. They’d started to walk towards the river without noticing, when they finally arrived they both sat at the edge and Jihoon placed his backpack on his lap so that he could open it. Seungcheol smiled when he saw him take out food. 

“You cooked for me?” 

“With a little bit of help from my mom since I’m a mess in the kitchen,” Jihoon explained with a smile after he gave him one of the bento boxes that he’d brought. 

“Thank you.” 

“Why don’t you celebrate your birthday?” Jihoon asked when they started to eat. 

“Because it’s in August, all of my friends are always on vacation or they forget about it. No one is thinking about your classmates in August.” Jihoon nodded. “When is your birthday?” 

“November, 22nd.” 

“You’re still seventeen.” 

“Shut up, you were seventeen yesterday.” Jihoon elbowed him, which made both of them laugh. 

Seungcheol grabbed some of the rice and threw it in the river when he saw some ducks nearby. They all approached them to eat the rice and Jihoon laughed when he saw that apparently they wanted more. So he took some of his rice and threw it on the river too. 

Seungcheol yawned and stretched his arm so he could place it around Jihoon’s shoulders. Jihoon looked at him with an arched eyebrow even though he was smiling at the gesture.

“Pathetic.” Seungcheol laughed and leaned in to leave a kiss on his temple. “Stop, someone will see us,” he warned him, even though he was smiling. 

Seungcheol looked around just to see that there was no one near the river at that hour, the sun was about to set. 

“Yeah, you’re right, they’ll snitch.” Seungcheol pointed at the ducks and then placed a finger against his lips and made a shushing sound. Jihoon laughed and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. 

They stayed like that for a while, they never actually cuddled since they always hung out in public places, but it was getting late and there wasn’t anyone there at the moment. Jihoon spoke quietly against his chest and Seungcheol answered absentmindedly, he just wished that day wouldn’t end. 

“It’s getting cold.” Jihoon whispered when the sun was already down and the ducks had already left.

“Do you want to come to my house? We can have dinner there.” 

“What about your parents?” 

“They won’t mind.” 

“Okay, let’s go.” they both got up and started to walk to Seungcheol’s house. “You never talk about your parents,” Jihoon noted at the same time as he grabbed his hand again. 

“I don’t get along with them that well.” 

“Why?” 

“They expect me to do a lot of things that I won’t. They allowed me to play hockey until now because they thought it was okay for a teenager to do sports, but they don’t want me to play anymore, they want me to find a career path and focus on that.” 

“You should do what you enjoy,” Jihoon replied softly. 

“I try to, but I don’t even know what I like. I just want to have some fun with my friends.” 

“Just because your parents don’t support you doesn’t mean that what you believe is wrong. Our parents aren’t always right.” 

“Since I live under their roof, they are.” 

“Seungcheol, you’re a smart guy, I know you. People follow you, it’s not going to be the end of the world if you’re lost for a little bit. We’re teenagers, it’s okay to feel that way. A music career doesn’t exactly scream ‘successful future’, my parents also haven’t been the most supportive. But it’s what I want. And if you like hockey so much, maybe you should try to play professionally.” 

“You think I could?” 

“I mean, I don’t know the first thing about hockey. But I think you can do whatever you put your mind into.” 

“I don’t think my parents would approve, tho.” 

“Your parents don’t need to approve of everything you do,” Jihoon explained. “My parents didn’t want me to make a career out of my hobby. So I got a scholarship, I’m moving out, and if they don’t like it… They can’t do anything about it. Now they’re just proud of how independent I’ve become.” 

Seungcheol smiled at him and was about to say something but they let go of each other’s hands when they saw someone else on the street. 

“I wish it was that easy for me, but I think there’s so much more to their disappointment. It’s not just my grades or my future.” Seungcheol explained. “And also I’m sure they’ll probably never talk to me again if they find out that I’m dating a guy.” 

Jihoon looked back and made sure that the street was empty before he grabbed his hand again. With his other hand, he grabbed his arm, pressing their bodies together in a hug. 

“If that ever happens, just know that you won’t be alone. You have friends… You have me.” they’d stopped walking, so Seungcheol turned to wrap his arms around Jihoon’s body to hug him tighter, he leaned in and left a kiss on his forehead. 

They stayed like that for a while until they heard someone approaching and they had to separate from each other quickly before anyone saw them. They reached Seungcheol’s house after a while, it was already dark outside, Jihoon held Seungcheol’s arm instinctively when they entered since he was so nervous to meet Seungcheol’s parents. 

“I’m home!” Seungcheol said while taking off his shoes, Jihoon did the same.

He let go of Seugncheol’s arm as soon as he heard steps on the hallway. 

“Hi, how was your day? Oh, hi.” she greeted Jihoon too when she saw him at the door. 

“It was fine, this is Jihoon.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Jihoon bowed politely and she smiled at him. 

He walked behind Seungcheol inside the house as Seungcheol explained what they did. 

“We’re just going to be in my room if that’s all right.” 

“Yes, it’s fine, I’ll bring you dinner in a while.” 

“Okay, thank you.” 

Seungcheol guided him to the end of a long hallway and opened a door that led to some stairs going down. 

“Your room is here?” Jihoon asked confusedly as he followed Seungcheol. 

“Yeah, my room’s in the basement.” 

He turned on the lights and Jihoon looked around once he reached the end of the stairs, it was big, and it was nice. 

“I used to have my room upstairs but then I realized that we weren’t using the basement and my parents don’t come here often, so it gives me a little bit more freedom.” 

“It’s like a tiny house.” Jihoon said with a smile as he plopped down on one of the beanbags. 

“Yeah, it’s comfortable.” 

They both cuddled on the same beanbag as they watched a movie silently, but they changed positions quickly when they heard footsteps on the stairs, Seungcheol’s mom came in with two pizzas for them. 

“It’s getting late, are you going to stay the night?” she asked Jihoon, he looked at Seungcheol before answering.

“Uh… Yeah, sure.” 

“Okay, but call your parents to make sure they know.” 

“Yes.” he answered with a smile before she left. “Do you have a phone here or should I go upstairs?” 

“Mh? No, there’s a phone there.” Seungcheol said, pointing at his bedside table, his mouth was full already. 

Jihoon got up and walked to the bedside table to grab the phone and call his parents. He sat on Seungcheol’s lap after he called his parents and reached for a slice of pizza. 

“So they don’t come here often?” 

“No, my mom doesn’t like it, she says it’s too dark and humid. But I like it, it’s also bigger than my previous room so I can bring more people over.” 

Jihoon nodded and looked around, they’d already forgotten about the movie. Seungcheol had three beanbags in front of his TV, he guessed he played games with his friends there. He had a queen-size bed next to the wall and the wall was filled with posters, mainly from music groups, movies or sports players. His eyes landed on a box next to his bedside table, kind of hidden under a jacket. 

“What is that?” he asked with a smile, already recognizing the logo of a beer company, Seungcheol laughed when he saw what he was pointing at.

“The team bought it for me, now that I’m an adult, I can drink.” 

“So, let’s drink.” Jihoon said with a smile, he made an attempt to get up and get the box of cans. 

“Oh, but you’re not.” Seungcheol stopped him. 

“What? Are you kidding me? You’re just a few months older than me!” 

“Yeah, but you’re still seventeen, which means you’re a minor.” 

“Oh yeah? Then you shouldn’t even be dating me, now that you’re an adult and I’m still a minor , our relationship is illegal .”

“Oh god no, who will save me when I go to jail?” 

“Not me, I can tell you that much.” they both burst out laughing after Jihoon said that.

“Okay, we can drink, but no loud noises, I don’t want my parents to think you’re a bad influence or anything.” 

“They can’t hear us from here, and besides, if anything I would be a good influence. My grades are better than yours.” 

“High school is over, you can no longer brag about grades.” 

“Fair enough.” Jihoon replied as he got up to get the box.  

They lost count of how many beers they’d drunk, but it was obviously affecting Jihoon more than Seungcheol. They wouldn’t stop laughing, even though they promised to keep quiet so that Seungcheol’s parents wouldn’t find out that they were completely drunk. Hours passed and Seungcheol was sure his parents were fast asleep, because they were being pretty noisy and they hadn’t had any complaints. Loud music was playing and they kept playing random games. 

“Okay, okay, my turn.” Jihoon said with a smile, he tried to get up but when he noticed he couldn’t he did it from the floor.

“Mrs Kim.” Seungcheol said immediately.

“How do you do that?” Jihoon asked, looking back at him, his voice slow from all the alcohol. 

“I can tell just by the scowl, believe me when you see that face every morning at 7 am because you woke up late, you will never forget it.” 

“Fine, let’s stop playing, it’s no fun if you always win.” Seungcheol laughed and looked at Jihoon trying to get up. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I ran out.” he whined, moving around the empty can, Seungcheol grabbed his arm when he noticed he was about to fall down even before he got up, so Jihoon sat on Seungcheol’s lap when he felt the pull. 

“We should probably just go to sleep, it’s four am.” 

“I can go to sleep later than that.” 

“Not when you’re this drunk, no.” 

Jihoon looked at him and grabbed his face, Seungcheol looked at him with an amused smile, waiting for Jihoon to say something, but instead, he leaned forward and kissed him. He opened his eyes in surprise at the kiss but closed them tightly to reciprocate. When he raised his hands to place them on Jihoon's waist that’s when the two finally began to move their lips awkwardly. It was quite uncomfortable, probably because they were both nervous. Their teeth would get in the way, and Jihoon did not know where to put his hands or when to stop, which was not at all how it was shown in movies. They separated slowly and both looked at each other in the eyes for a few moments, Jihoon bit his lower lip not knowing what to do.

“It feels right…” he started to say in a whisper. “That you would be my first kiss, but now that I did it I feel like I ruined everything.” 

“You didn’t ruin anything, Jihoon. You’re also my first kiss.” Seungcheol answered smiling, he moved his face and let their noses rub against each other. “It’s fine, we can try again.” 

This time Jihoon put a hand on Seungcheol's cheek and was able to keep up with his pace more confidently. The two could finally kiss more fluently and then it seemed that their lips were glued together, neither of them wanting to part with the other. It seemed that they were having a contest about who could hold their breath underwater the longest. It was clearly Seungcheol, being an athlete and all, so it was Jihoon who first moved back when he needed to take a breath. 

“I’ve known you for so long. But I never actually got to know you, right? I don’t want this summer to end… I don’t want to leave.” Jihoon whispered against his lips before kissing him again.

Seungcheol frowned into the kiss and brought him closer with both arms. 

“I really like you Seungcheol,” Jihoon whispered after breaking away the kiss, he rested his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder and hugged him.

“I’m so happy this isn’t one-sided.” Seungcheol mumbled against his shoulder, after a second of silence he heard Jihoon’s quiet snores, he laughed and tried to move so that he could put him to bed without waking him up. “Well, I’m definitely not letting you drink after that.” he whispered before leaving a kiss to Jihoon’s forehead. He laid down on the bed next to Jihoon and closed his eyes to finally fall asleep. 

Jihoon woke up the next morning to the sound of Seungcheol’s alarm, he raised his head quickly as if someone had screamed in his ear, which made Seungcheol wake up because of the sudden movement. 

“Turn it off!” Jihoon complained, placing the pillow on top of his head, half-asleep Seungcheol reached for his alarm to turn it off. “Why do you even have an alarm at this hour in summer?” Jihoon mumbled against the mattress.

“It’s for practice, but I guess I can turn the thing off now that it’s august,” Seungcheol replied and ran a hand through his face to wake himself up. “How are you feeling?” he asked, looking at Jihoon with a smile. 

“God, I feel awful. Never let me drink again.” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that. “I regret everything, that was the worst, I’m never touching a drop of alcohol in my life.” 

“You regret everything?” Seungcheol asked confused. 

“Yes! That was so embarrassing.” Jihoon raised his head to look at him, he looked like a mess. “I really hope your parents didn’t hear us.” 

“I don’t think they did…” Seungcheol muttered. 

“How is it not affecting you? We drunk the same amount.” Jihoon asked, looking at him and resting his weight on his elbows. 

“I don’t know… Maybe it’s because I’m bigger?” 

“Oh fuck you.” Jihoon grabbed the pillow and hit him with it, which made both of them laugh, but Jihoon grabbed the pillow again when he felt the headache hit him. “This is the worst.” 

“Well, at least you already know that you shouldn’t drink.” Jihoon buried his face on the pillow and complained about the pain. “Should we go upstairs and have breakfast?” 

“No,” Jihoon answered, sure of himself, but apparently his stomach didn’t agree because they heard it rumble lowly. “Okay, maybe we can have breakfast,” Jihoon mumbled. 

Jihoon looked around when they reached the top of the stairs, Seungcheol had lent him some clothes yesterday and he still felt like they were being too obvious. 

“It’s fine, they’re not here.” 

“Wait, your parents aren’t home?” Jihoon asked and followed him through the hallway. 

“No, it’s Sunday, they’re at church.” 

“And you don’t go with them?” 

“No, I used to have practice on Sundays so I never went with them. They stopped bothering me a few years ago.” he explained. “I think our parents go to church together.” 

“I wouldn’t know, I also haven’t gone in a while.” Jihoon said with a smile. “But they know each other, so it might be because of that.” 

“Yeah, I think it is.”

“Good, what do you wanna do?” Jihoon asked, walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge. 

“Mmmh, I don’t know.” Seungcheol mumbled, he walked behind Jihoon and sat on one of the chairs, when he rested his chin on his hand he noticed a letter sitting on the counter. 

He reached out curiously and looked at the envelope, it had his name on it, his parents probably left it there so that he would see it. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the logo on the envelope, he quickly opened it and took the paper out to read it as fast as he could. 

“What’s wrong?” Jihoon asked when he noticed how quiet he was, he turned around to look at him with a carton of milk in his hands. 

Seungcheol didn’t respond and just slid the paper on the table so that Jihoon could read it. Jihoon frowned at him confused but grabbed the letter to read it. He muttered as he read quickly and opened his eyes surprised when he realized what he was reading. 

"... that you have been accepted…" he muttered under his breath and skimmed through the letter to see if it said anything else "With a full scholarship?!" he exclaimed, he looked at Seungcheol, who could barely contain his smile. "Seungcheol that's amazing!" 

"At this point I had already given up, I didn't know they were still taking students."

"Congratulations!" Jihoon exclaimed before he hugged him tightly. 

Seungcheol buried his head on Jihoon’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his body. 

“We should celebrate!” 

“No alcohol.” Seungcheol told him immediately. 

“That’s for sure, don’t worry.” Jihoon replied with a smile. 

Even when they were both so happy about the letter Jihoon couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that in a few weeks he would have to start university. For some reason he stopped seeing Seungcheol as often as he did before, and he would find himself sitting in front of the phone waiting for him to call. He got tired of waiting and started calling him instead, Seungcheol didn’t seem any different, just more… distant. Jihoon had a wild guess of why and he decided he needed to talk to Seungcheol about it. They were both laying in Seungcheol’s bed while they watched a movie, they’d been spending more time in Seungcheol’s room since it was big and they had more privacy. Now that they were comfortable around each other they didn’t have to be in public places on their dates. 

Seungcheol had an arm thrown over Jihoon’s shoulders and they were cuddling, that was the most they ever did. The first time Seungcheol approached him to cuddle was the second time Jihoon stayed the night at his house, and they both fell asleep like that. Jihoon moved his gaze from the TV and looked at their intertwined hands, he played with Seungcheol’s fingers before he mustered up the courage to talk to him.

“I have to leave once September starts,” Jihoon mumbled suddenly, Seungcheol moved his head to look at him. “And I don’t think I’ll come back until the year ends.” Seungcheol nodded slowly. “Seungcheol, I… I don’t want to do this, but I have to focus on my studies if I don’t want to lose the scholarship, and you do too. Having a long-distance relationship when we’re just starting out… I don’t think it’s a good decision.” 

“So you’re breaking up with me.” 

“Not now , just when I leave. Do you really want to start university and think about what I’m doing when I’m miles away from you? We’re too young to commit to a relationship like that.” Seungcheol looked at him in the eyes before replying. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

“Are you mad? Please don’t be mad.” Jihoon said while grabbing his arm. 

“No, I’m not mad Jihoon, you’re right,” Seungcheol said with a smile, although Jihoon noticed it was a forced one, he decided not to comment on it and just hugged him.

“Will you come with me to the airport? My parents are working on that day.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Seungcheol nodded and leaned in to kiss Jihoon’s forehead and hug him tightly, Jihoon wrapped his arms around Seungcheol’s waist and rested his head on his chest before he looked at the TV again. 

It wasn’t how he thought it was gonna go, he thought Seungcheol was mad because he knew Jihoon had to move out. Seoul wasn’t exactly around the corner and Seungcheol’s uni was in their hometown so Jihoon knew they wouldn’t see each other for a long time. He seriously liked Seungcheol, but it didn’t feel right to have a long-distance relationship. He didn’t think Seungcheol would agree with him. 

Somehow, they spent every day of August left together. Mostly in Seungcheol’s room since they could do whatever they wanted without fear of being discovered. Jihoon thought about kissing Seungcheol so many times, they were dating, they were supposed to be doing that, but he was just so nervous, he was going to ruin everything for sure, and Seungcheol probably had kissed girls before. 

“I’ve never been with anyone before,” Seungcheol told him one afternoon while they were talking, both of them cuddled on the same beanbag. 

“Not even girls?” Jihoon asked, surprised. 

“No, I never liked any girl.” 

“But a lot of girls liked you during high school.” 

“Yeah, I know, a few of them confessed. A lot of girls liked you too.” 

“I rejected them, I didn’t like them back.” 

“But you accepted my confession,” Seungcheol asked him with a smile. 

“I did,” Jihoon looked at him and rested one of his arms across Seungcheol’s chest. 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know… It felt right. Besides, I’ve never been gifted flowers.” 

“Oh, so it was the flowers?” 

“No, it was you,” Jihoon placed a hand on top of Seungcheol’s necklace, a chain he would sometimes look at. “I don’t know, maybe it’s because you’re not a girl, or because it was our graduation. It just… Felt right. And you also didn’t pressure me into accepting anything. If you said something like ‘Please accept my feelings’ or ‘be my boyfriend’, maybe I would’ve said no. But you just asked for a date and a chance, and that was something I could say yes to,” he looked up at him after he finished talking, Seungcheol was smiling at him softly. 

“I really like you.” he said softly before leaning in and kissing him on the temple. 

“I like you too.” Jihoon replied, he closed his eyes and leaned in, he felt Seungcheol’s hand around his waist tighten and bring him closer, encouraging him. Their noses rubbed against each other before Jihoon tried to close the distance between their lips. 

“Boys! Do you want something to eat?” they both separated abruptly when they heard Seungcheol’s mom at the top of the stairs. 

“No, mom, we’re fine.” Seungcheol answered back, rubbing his face from the embarrassment. 

“Okay, tell me if you need anything.” 

They both sighed relieved when they heard the door close. Seungcheol looked over at Jihoon, who was now on the floor because he had fallen off the beanbag. They both immediately burst out laughing.

Even Seungcheol’s room wasn’t private enough, so they would sometimes go have a picnic outside. They went to the place where they watched the fireworks, since it was always empty. Jihoon was getting the hang of cooking and he didn’t have to ask for help from his mom when he wanted to make bentos for Seungcheol. 

“Maybe I should’ve started dating you sooner, I would’ve loved to have these for practice,” Seungcheol told him with a smile while he ate. 

“Maybe you should learn how to cook.” Jihoon teased him, even though he was smiling too. 

“I want to enjoy your food while you’re here.” Seungcheol leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, Jihoon smiled. “Here.” he picked up a flower and gave it to Jihoon. 

“Thank you, I missed your flowers.” 

“Come,” Seungcheol leaned in and grabbed the flower again so he could place it on Jihoon’s ear. 

“Do I look pretty now?” 

“You always do.” Jihoon laughed and leaned back to rest on the grass. “Why did you bring an umbrella?” 

“It’s going to rain.” 

“What? No way, it’s such a beautiful day.” 

“Yeah, but the sky was pink this morning.” 

“So?” 

“So, it’s going to rain.” Jihoon rolled his eyes and laughed when Seungcheol finished eating he laid on the grass next to Jihoon, who was playing around with the flower Seungcheol gave him. 

“Do you like flowers?” 

“They’re pretty.” 

“I’m glad I bought you a bouquet then.” 

“It was really pretty.” 

“Also really expensive. I saved money for quite a while so I could buy it for our graduation.” Jihoon turned to look at him with a smile. 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” Seungcheol moved and rested on his side to look at Jihoon. “I’ve liked you for quite some time.” 

“I wish we would’ve been friends during classes,” Jihoon mumbled, he raised one hand to move Seungcheol’s hair out of his eyes. 

“Really? Just so you could laugh at me every time I got nervous around you?” Jihoon laughed when he heard that. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Jihoon moved one of his hands and touched Seungcheol’s backpack next to him. “What did you bring?” Seungcheol smiled and opened his backpack to take out a book. 

“I brought a book for you.” Jihoon rested on his elbows to look at the book. “It’s a poetry book, you like poetry, right?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Jihoon mumbled, he grabbed the book and flipped through the pages. “I like to read poetry since it helps me write songs.” 

“So you like it?” 

“Yes, thank you Seungcheol,” Jihoon replied with a smile, but he stretched his hand and gave him the book back, Seungcheol looked at him puzzled. “Read it for me.” 

Seungcheol smiled and opened the book, Jihoon laid on the grass and closed his eyes as he listened to Seungcheol read slowly the verses, with his elbow resting on the grass and his cheek on his palm while he held the book on his other hand. Jihoon fell asleep without noticing, and apparently Seungcheol did too because he was sleeping when Jihoon woke up. He looked over at Seungcheol and then at the sky before he tried to wake him up. 

“Seungcheol.” he called for him, shaking his shoulder. “Seungcheol, it’s starting to rain.” 

Seungcheol woke up slowly and looked around, noticing how everything was starting to get wet. 

“Let’s go before it gets worse.”

As they started to pick up their things it started to rain more and more until Seungcheol had to open his umbrella to shield them from the rain. 

“I told you it was going to rain.” Seungcheol said with a smile. 

“Okay, okay, I believe you, let’s go.” 

Jihoon grabbed Seungcheol’s arm as they walked slowly to his house, they were both under the same umbrella since Jihoon didn’t bring one. They talked and laughed until Seungcheol left Jihoon at his door, he didn’t kiss him on the cheek like he always did because they were afraid of Jihoon’s parents seeing them. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jihoon said with a smile.

“See you then.” Seungcheol answered before Jihoon closed the door. 

It felt like yesterday when Jihoon was in front of Seungcheol, looking at a beautiful bouquet of flowers, he’d never been gifted flowers, he was so happy about that he squished some of them in a book. But now they were standing in front of each other and Jihoon had to take his flight before starting university. He was kind of happy that his parents couldn’t go with him to the airport, he really wanted to see Seungcheol before leaving. 

“I think I’ll be back for Christmas, we can meet then.” Jihoon said, not knowing how to say goodbye to him. 

“Yeah.” Seungcheol shrugged and smiled at him. 

He didn’t think about it twice and stepped forward to wrap his arms around Seungcheol and hug him. They would usually never do that in such a public place, but Jihoon just didn’t care at that point. Seungcheol placed his hands on Jihoon’s waist to bring him closer and buried his face on Jihoon’s neck, making him stand on his tiptoes. They parted slowly when they noticed that they’d been hugging for a while, but Jihoon didn’t move his arms from Seungcheol’s shoulders. Their faces were so close, Jihoon felt Seungcheol’s breath against his lips if only he could just lean in… He looked at Seungcheol’s eyes before he finally stepped back. They couldn’t kiss. Not there. 

“Goodbye.” Jihoon said while trying to force a smile. 

“Bye.” Seungcheol squeezed his hand, which he was still holding, before letting him go. 

He turned around and walked fast, he tried to not look back at Seungcheol because he knew it would hurt him too much, and he waited until he was sure Seungcheol wouldn’t see him just so he could bring one hand to his cheek and wipe away the tears. 

He couldn’t come back for Christmas since he had so many exams and assignments to work on, and it was easier for accommodation. But he called Seungcheol a couple of times, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him that he missed him.

“Can you please stop screaming?!” Jihoon screamed from the kitchen, his roommate had brought two of their friends to watch a game on TV, even though Jihoon told him he had work to do and needed peace. 

“Jihoon, you should watch it with us!” Seungkwan told him with a smile from the couch. 

“No thanks, I actually have a life,” he mumbled back before he looked at his screen and turned up the volume of the music again, only to find out that it was already at full volume, again. 

He thought he would get rid of his college roommate once he graduated, but there he was, a year after graduation and still living with Jeonghan. They had been sharing a room for so many years now, they both knew it would be easier if they just moved in together after graduation so they could split rent. But still, Seungkwan and Soonyoung were just so noisy, and Jihoon was a musician, he sometimes needed peace and quiet, he seriously needed to look for an apartment for himself. Maybe when he finally got some free time. 

He gave up on the song and got up to make some tea. He knew the match was over because he heard the three of them talk about it excitedly. He curiously tried to listen to what they were saying but his ear caught something else. Before he could even start making tea he walked to the living room slowly. 

Jihoon moved his gaze to the TV when he heard a familiar voice, he was surprised to see Seungcheol on the screen, answering the interviewers’ questions. He still remembered his voice even if it had been five years since the last time he heard it. 

"Seungcheol." he murmured surprised after he saw him. 

“Do you know him?” Seungkwan asked when he heard him. 

“Yes.”

"Yeah, he's the best player, I've heard he has offers from five different teams right now," Soonyoung commented.

"No, I mean personally." all of them turned to look at Jihoon when he said that. 

"What?" 

"We went to high school together, he was my classmate."

"Really?" Jeonghan asked, surprised. 

"Were you friends with him?" Seungkwan asked, looking back at the TV, where Seungcheol was wrapping up his interview. 

"No, we weren't friends during high school," Jihoon answered truthfully. 

"Oh, such a shame, I would've asked you for tickets to his next game." Jihoon laughed. 

"Although he was my first boyfriend." he finally said, silence filled the room and they all turned to look at him slowly, they noticed that Jihoon wasn't joking. 

"WHAT?!" 

"Yeah… Kind of?"

"Is that a question?" Soonyoung asked confused. 

"I… We were classmates and on our graduation day, he bought me flowers and confessed to me. We were never really close before that, we weren't friends or anything. But apparently he had a crush on me. So… I accepted his confession because at the time it seemed like the right thing to do, and we… kind of started dating?"

"What do you mean 'kind of'?" Jihoon walked over to them and sat down with them on the couch. 

"Well, we would go on dates, but we never really kissed. We held hands sometimes, but only when we knew no one would see us. It was awkward at first but by the end of the summer, we'd grown pretty close. But then… I had to leave because I had a music scholarship and he had a sports scholarship, we had been ignoring that until the last moment. I was the one to break up the relationship. I told him I couldn't have distractions if I wanted to keep the scholarship and a boyfriend miles away from where I was, was a big distraction. He agreed and we lost contact after that."

"Choi Seungcheol… Was your first boyfriend?" Jeonghan asked, still surprised. 

"Yes…" Jihoon answered with a smile. 

"Well, tell us everything! How was he?" 

"He was… Nice. A good first boyfriend. After I dated him I knew that I liked men."

"But how come you never kissed?" 

"Like I told you. We were never really that close. He was just my classmate, we barely talked. So, for the first month, it was just awkward dates and small talk."

"Aww, that's so cute, like puppy love."

"Yeah." Jihoon laughed when he heard that. "But that's all we did, cuddle, hold hands and be nervous around each other. We only dated for like two months before I had to leave."

"Well, like most first relationships, you never get to do anything with your first boyfriend."

“I can’t believe Choi Seungcheol had a crush on you,” Seungkwan mumbled while looking at the screen, Seungcheol wasn’t on screen anymore and some commentators were talking about the game. 

“Okay, it’s not that hard to believe,” Jihoon said, rolling his eyes. 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… He’s famous, you know, it’s like suddenly I tell you that I used to date an idol. It’s weird, doesn’t it feel weird?” 

“Not really,” Jihoon muttered. “For me, he’s not this big celebrity, he’s just… Seungcheol, my first boyfriend.” 

“Yeah… But he’s straight now.” Jeonghan sighed and laid back on the couch. 

“Is he?” Jihoon asked confused. 

“That’s what he says at least. He’s had a lot of girlfriends.” Seungkwan explained. 

“That’s weird, Seungcheol wasn’t much of a dating guy during high school. I remember he wasn’t really sure of his sexuality when he confessed, but I wasn’t either so I didn’t question it. We never told anyone and we never talked about our sexuality.” 

“Are you sure you were dating or was it just a close friendship?” Soonyoung questioned him. 

“No, I’m sure, we were dating. Fair, we didn’t kiss, but we did a lot of things that couples do. We held hands, we went on dates, he bought me gifts and he told me that he liked me almost every day.”

They all looked at the screen when another player came on screen, Jihoon looked at the TV too and was surprised again. 

“Oh? Mingyu is a professional player too?” they all looked at him in disbelief. 

“You dated Mingyu too?!” Seungkwan exclaimed. 

“What? No, no, I met him through Seungcheol, they played on the same team when they were in high school.” 

“He was your classmate too?” 

“No, Seungcheol introduced me to some of his friends, that’s all.” they all nodded when Jihoon said that. 

“Great, because if you say you dated Mingyu I would’ve killed you.” Seungkwan muttered under his breath, Jihoon looked at him confused. 

“Don’t mind him, he’s had a crush on Mingyu ever since he saw him play against our uni.” Soonyoung told Jihoon with a smile.

“So they played against our uni?” Jihoon asked, suddenly curious about what his friends had been talking about for years. 

“Yes, they played for their university and a few months ago a few players from that uni got signed to this team.” 

“So this is professional hockey?” 

“Yeah, but I don’t think they’ll stay in this team, they only signed them for a year.”

“Oh, okay.” 

“Do you want to come with us to one of their games?” Soonyoung asked excitedly. 

“Oh yeah, I was going to buy a ticket for their next game, I can buy one more if you want to come.” Seungkwan suggested. 

“Yeah, sure,” Jihoon answered without thinking too much about it, Seungcheol probably wasn’t going to notice he was there.

He’d never been to a hockey game before, not even back when he was dating Seungcheol, so he doubted he would know anything that was going to happen. But at least he knew they wore helmets, which would mean he wouldn’t even see his face, considering he was also going to be pretty far from the actual game.

He frowned when he noticed they were walking down the stairs and Seungkwan still hadn’t told them which row they would sit. 

“We’re really close,” Jihoon noted when they finally sat down. 

“Yeah, I like seeing everything from up close,” Seungkwan answered with a smile. 

Jihoon couldn’t hear what his friends said to each other because one of the teams was already on the ice and everyone started screaming. He wasn’t wearing any merch from either of the teams since he didn’t know much about the sport, but he didn’t have to, he already had Seungkwan and Soonyoung who were geared up for the game. At least he knew that the team he was supposed to cheer for was the one with the blue and white colours. 

They started screaming louder when their team came on and Jihoon cheered too, he recognized Seungcheol right away, just before he put his helmet on, so he knew he was the one with the number 10 on his back. He was good, back in high school he’d never had the chance to see him play, in their high school they didn’t have a rink so Seungcheol didn’t play as an extracurricular activity, but everyone knew he was a hockey player. Although he remembered how Seungcheol would go to some of his games when he used to play baseball. 

Almost everyone was standing up and Jihoon did too just not to look out of place. Halfway through the game, he saw Seungcheol steal the puck from another player and approach their side of the ice trying to get to the goal. Jihoon looked at him and for a second Seungcheol raised his gaze, probably to check that the glass was at a safe distance to not clash with it, but instead, he locked gazes with Jihoon. Apparently he was so surprised to see him there that he got distracted for a second, which is when another player slammed him against the glass. Jihoon flinched and saw everyone wince by just imagining the pain Seungcheol was in. 

“Oh fuck, that must’ve hurt,” Seungkwan mumbled.

Jihoon frowned concernedly but felt more at ease when he saw Seungcheol’s gesture to the referee, telling him that he was okay. Everyone cheered when they saw him get up as if nothing had happened, he was probably used to all of that. No one had noticed that Seungcheol looked at him right before falling, so Jihoon decided to keep it to himself. 

Seungcheol sat on the bench for a while and from where Jihoon was, he couldn’t see him, so he tried to follow the game as best as he could. He played again when the game was about to end and scored twice as if it was nothing. Seungcheol’s team won the game and everyone was cheering and clapping, Jihoon was too, he couldn’t help but feel excited for him. Some of them took their helmets off when they went to greet the other team, Jihoon saw his face clearly now that he didn’t have his helmet on and he smiled at him without thinking, Seungcheol saw him and raised his hand to say hi to him with a smile on his face. Jihoon waved back awkwardly before Seungcheol left the court with his teammates. 

To the general public, it looked like Seungcheol was waving at the crowd after the game, but his three friends turned to look at him with their mouths agape from the surprise. 

“What?” Jihoon asked confused. 

“You actually know him?!” Seungkwan screamed-whispered so that no one would hear him. 

“Yes! Of course, you thought I was lying?!” 

“Honestly? We thought you mistook him for someone else.”

“Oh god.” Jihoon couldn’t believe his friends. 

“So what does this mean? Do we get to see him after the game?” Soonyoung asked excitedly.

“Well, no. I haven’t talked to him in five years, I can’t just try to be his friend now that he’s famous, that’s awful.” 

“It would be awful if you’d rejected him back then and now you tried to be close to him just because he’s famous. But you actually dated him, right? It would be just like catching up with an ex.”

“I don’t know guys. It doesn’t feel right, let’s just leave.” 

“No way, let’s stay around for a bit, see what happens.” 

“What? For like an hour? He has interviews to do, I can’t just stick around thinking that he might want to see me, that’s just embarrassing. Let’s go, the game is over.” 

They whined but followed Jihoon outside the stands, they still had to wait for a while if they didn’t want to get caught up in the crowd. Seungkwan wanted to buy merch so they stayed behind for a while and when Seungkwan finally got what he wanted they walked to the exit slowly. They all talked about the game excitedly and Jihoon listened trying to understand everything they were saying. 

“Hey, Jihoon!” he turned around at the sound of his name and was surprised to see Seungcheol there, there weren’t a lot of fans left in the stadium, much less in the hallway they were in, but everyone was looking at him surprised. 

“Hi,” Jihoon answered with a smile.

“I was surprised to see you back there, didn’t know you were into hockey.”

“Not really, my friends are tho. I saw you on TV the other day, I was surprised, I didn’t know you’d make it professionally.” 

“Well, that’s disappointing, no faith in me?” he asked, grinning at him.

“No, that’s not…” 

“It’s fine.” Seungcheol continued, a warm smile on his face. 

Jihoon looked around uncomfortably when he noticed everyone looking at them and a few people getting their phones out, probably to ask for a picture. 

“Are you supposed to be here?” 

“Not really, I snuck out, everyone is probably looking for me.” 

“You should go back.” 

“Can you meet me outside?” Seungcheol asked suddenly, Jihoon didn’t know how to answer that and waited for a moment until he felt Soonyoung elbow him on the side.

“Yes, sure.” 

“Great, I’ll try not to make you wait for long, I’ll meet you at entrance G.” Jihoon nodded slowly before Seungcheol turned around to leave and had to turn down a few pictures with a smile on his face. 

Thankfully only his friends heard that exchange and Soonyoung almost screamed when they lost sight of Seungcheol. 

“Do you know where entrance G is?” Jihoon mumbled, still surprised about Seungcheol. 

“Yes! This way.” Seungkwan exclaimed, grabbing Jihoon by the arm and dragging him there. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually know him. We’re going to meet Choi Seungcheol! I knew that being your friend had to have some perks.” Jihoon looked at Soonyoung with a scowl after he heard that. 

“Look, guys, he’s not my friend, he’s my ex-boyfriend, it’s not like we’re going to go back to being friends or something.” 

“But he wants to see you! That must mean something.”

“I guess…?” Jihoon muttered while he let them drag him to the exit. 

They all waited by the entrance Seungcheol had told them, it was at the back so there wasn’t anyone there, they heard the door open and they all turned to look to see if it was Seungcheol. They let a tired sigh when they saw it was just some of the staff leaving, they were surprised to see that Seungcheol got out too, he said goodbye to some of the staff before turning to look at Jihoon and his friends. 

“Hey.” he greeted them with a smile. 

“Hi,” all of them said in unison, Jihoon looked at them with a frown. 

“Oh, right, he meant you, we’re gonna be over there,” Jeonghan said with a smile while he dragged both Seungkwan and Soonyoung away from Seungcheol.

“It’s fine, they don’t have to leave.” Seungcheol said, even though they’d already left. “I mean, I have to thank them for bringing you here.” Jihoon smiled at him. “It’s been a while.” 

“Yeah, five years.” 

“It feels like nothing.”

“Does it? I feel like it was a lifetime ago.” 

“Wow, so you forgot really quickly.” 

“Well, not as quickly as you since you were nowhere to be seen when I came back home.” Seungcheol’s smile faded away slowly when he heard that.

“I…” 

“I’m kidding Seungcheol! It’s fine, besides, I told you I would come back but I didn’t. It’s my fault too.” Jihoon told him with a smile and a friendly punch on the shoulder, Seungcheol laughed. “I haven’t talked to anyone from school in so many years, I’m actually impressed you’re still friends with Mingyu.” 

“Well, he didn’t go to school with us, and he got the same scholarship as me so we continued to play together until now. It’s been good. What about you?” 

“Oh, I’m good. I’m making music.” 

“Really? That’s great.” 

“Yeah, I guess we haven’t changed that much, we still do the same things we did back then.” 

“Well, that means we were very passionate,” Seungcheol answered with a smile and then looked over at Jihoon’s friends who acted like they weren’t trying to listen to the conversation as soon as Seungcheol looked over. “Look, I don’t want to keep your friends waiting. I liked seeing you again, maybe we can exchange numbers and hang out sometime. I always regretted losing contact with you.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Jihoon smiled at him before he reached for his phone and gave it to Seungcheol. 

“I guess I won’t have to speak to your mom every time I want to see you, right?” Jihoon laughed when he heard that.

“Thankfully no.” they both laughed as Seungcheol called his number from Jihoon’s phone. 

“Here.” he gave him back his phone. “I’ll call you.” he waved at his friends with a smile. “Bye!” 

“Bye!” they all screamed immediately, which made Jihoon chuckle. 

“I’ll see you soon, don’t… disappear.” 

“Hard to do now that I have cameras on me all the time,” Seungcheol said with a smile and stepped back. “I’ll see you soon,” he said before he turned around to leave. 

Seungkwan was the first one to bump into him when they all ran towards Jihoon. 

“I still can’t believe that happened.” 

“Didn’t you say he just signed with this team? Why are you treating him like a celebrity?” 

“Because he is! Everyone who knows just a little bit about hockey knows him.” Soonyoung started to explain. “He’s hot, he’s a great player and a lot of foreign teams are eyeing him. Everybody knows he’s going to be the next best thing.”

“And you dated him,” Jeonghan noted, a tad bit too excited. 

“Yeah, five years ago. Let’s go home, come on.” 

Soonyoung and Seungkwan were going to stay the night at their apartment since it was closer and it was too late to take public transport. So they all sat at the couch and bombarded Jihoon with questions about his relationship with Seungcheol. 

“I swear to god, should we make popcorn and braid each other’s hair while we’re at it?” 

“If that’s going to make you talk then yeah!” Jihoon scowled at Soonyoung. 

“But what do you even want to know? We dated for two months and we barely did anything.” 

“I don’t know! Anything.” Seungkwan pushed him. “What about Mingyu? Can you tell us about Mingyu?” 

“Okay Seungkwan, you can put your crush aside, I want to know about Seungcheol.” Jihoon thought about it for a moment. 

“I think I may have a picture of when we were together,” Jihoon spoke and they all looked at him surprised. “Yeah, it might be here somewhere.” he went into his room and went back to the living room a couple of minutes later with a notebook in his hands. 

“What’s that?” 

“It’s just the planner I used in my freshman year,” Jihoon answered while he sat down on the couch with them. 

“You still have it?” 

“I always have this feeling in college that I’m going to need notes or something like that, so I never throw away things like this. I guess I should now that I graduated almost a year ago.”

He flipped through the pages quickly until a picture fell out of it.

“Here.” Jihoon raised the picture and showed it to them, it was Seungcheol’s hockey team, “I was there for the last day of training, I actually didn’t want to be in the picture, but Seungcheol insisted.”

They all leaned in to look at the picture, Jihoon was in the second row, squished between Mingyu and Seungcheol. Mingyu had an arm thrown over his shoulders and Seungcheol was holding him close by the waist, the three of them had big smiles on their faces.

“You look pretty close,” Soonyoung commented. 

“Yeah, we were. We used to hang out a lot, especially with Mingyu, among all of his friends he was the only one I became close with. But after this day, I barely saw him.” 

“So you can’t introduce him to me?” 

“What? No, I could barely talk to Seungcheol and I dated him, imagine his friend.”

“What would you even tell him?” Jeonghan teased him. 

“I would look at him in the eye,” Seungkwan started to explain. “And I would say ‘Kim Mingyu, I am in love with you’.” they all burst out laughing, including Seungkwan. 

“Okay, back to Seungcheol. Can’t you tell us a memory, an anecdote? Pretty please?”

“He actually wasn’t going to play hockey professionally.” he suddenly said, which caught all of them by surprise. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, he didn’t know what to do after graduation, he was pretty lost. He didn’t see hockey as a career, but I told him that if he liked hockey so much he should just keep playing.” they looked at him surprised and waited for him to say something else. “He still didn’t see it as a viable option, but he got a letter with a scholarship on his birthday. I was there when he opened it because I had stayed the night.” 

“Oh, you stayed the night.” Jeonghan repeated in a suggestive tone. 

“I told you we never even kissed. And please let’s not talk about that night,” they suddenly got curious when he said that and they started to bother him so he would tell them what happened. “Nothing happened, I just got really drunk and blacked out. I don’t remember anything from that night,” he explained, a nervous laugh in his voice.

“You got drunk, in his house, on the day of his birthday?” 

“Okay, I know it sounds awful, but he was drinking too. And his room was in the basement so his parents couldn’t hear us. It was the first time I had ever tried alcohol and now I learned my lesson, I told you it was embarrassing.” he tried to explain himself. “But that’s all you’re getting from me, I need to go to sleep because I have work to do tomorrow, so please, keep it down.” Jihoon went to his room to sleep even when all of his friends were complaining and telling him to stay. 

Sure enough, Seungcheol called him a couple of days later so they could meet. Jihoon had to go to the hockey stadium because Seungcheol told him he was training. He thought he would have problems going inside, but apparently Seungcheol already told the security he was going to meet someone. He saw Seungcheol on the rink and looked at him train for a little bit until Seungcheol noticed he was there. 

“Don’t you have practice with the whole team?” Jihoon asked with a smile. “Are you that addicted that you also have to train on your own in your free time?” 

“You don’t become a great player just by doing what everyone else does.” Seungcheol grinned at him as he opened the door and got out. 

“Always so passionate,” Jihoon said with a smile, he sat next to him and Seungcheol opened his duffel bag to take out his water bottle. 

“Well, I have someone to thank for that,” Seungcheol answered he looked at him, a smile still on his face. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, we haven’t seen each other in five years.” 

“Yes, but you’re the one that gave me the idea to try hockey professionally.” 

“Your parents must hate me now.”

“Not really, they’re proud of me.” 

“Really? I’m happy for you.” 

“Actually, they kept asking for you once you left.” 

“What? Really?” he asked surprised. 

“Yeah, they definitely liked you. They were surprised we never saw each other again, given the fact that we were so close.” 

“Yeah, I was surprised too,” Jihoon mumbled and looked at the floor. “I’m sorry I didn’t go back home for Christmas like I told you, but I was really busy.” 

“It’s fine Jihoon, it was such a long time ago. You’re totally forgiven, maybe I should’ve called you more often.” 

“Yeah, I was always the one to call!” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that. “And what happened when I actually came back? Why didn’t you answer my phone calls?” Jihoon asked, even though they were both laughing and joking around, none of them taking those accusations and questions seriously. 

“I was busy. Practice all day, study all night, had to keep my scholarship somehow.” 

“True, I was like that too,” Jihoon said, fidgeting with one of Seungcheol’s gloves. “Although you had time for all those girlfriends.” 

“How…?” 

“My friends told me,” Jihoon explained quickly with a smile on his face. 

“Yeah well, it was a good distraction from all of this.”

“But you never dated anyone back in high school. Why start dating so many people so suddenly? ” 

Seungcheol opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t end up saying, as if he changed his mind before he could say it to Jihoon. 

“I don’t know, I guess university is more stressful than high school.” 

“True.”

“Did you date a lot?” 

“Not really, I had some relationships but they were never really that serious, not a lot of guys my age want to commit to anything, most of them are still trying to figure everything out.” Jihoon explained slowly. 

“Oh, you’re…” 

“Gay.” Jihoon finished when he saw Seungcheol struggle. “I know we never talked about it when we were together but after you… I never saw a girl the same way, I only looked at guys, so I knew.” 

“That’s nice,” Seungcheol mumbled.

“I came out to my parents, too,” Jihoon exclaimed, as if he had just remembered that, Seungcheol looked at him surprised. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, a couple of years ago.”

“How did they take it?”

“Oh, awful, a lot of crying, some screaming, my dad didn’t talk to me for a month. But we’re fine now.” 

“What?” 

“Yes, they were really mad, but they realized that they loved me more than they were mad at me so they just apologized for the reaction and said that they needed time.” 

“So they’re fine with it.” 

“Yeah, I mean, I haven’t gone home with a boyfriend or anything, and I don’t really talk to them about my love life, but they’re completely fine with it.” 

“That’s great Jihoon,” Seungcheol said with a smile on his face. 

“What about you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Did you date any other guys after me?” 

“No, only girls,” Seungcheol answered. 

“Really? Was there no one as good as me?” he teased with a smile, Seungcheol laughed but Jihoon saw discomfort on his face so he decided to not tease him again about that. 

“No, it’s just… I just like girls I guess.” 

“Okay.” Jihoon nodded slowly. “Well, I’m here to provide actual free time, so let’s go.” Jihoon got up so they could leave, but Seungcheol grabbed his hand before he took another step. 

“Actually, I was thinking we could stay here.” Jihoon frowned in confusion when he heard that. 

“And what would we… Oh no .” 

Seungcheol smiled at him when he saw the realisation in Jihoon’s face. 

“I swear to god Seungcheol if you let me go…” Jihoon warned him while he tried to not skate away from Seungcheol and fall on his ass. 

“I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.” Seungcheol pointed at how hard Jihoon was gripping him. 

“I’ve never skated before! It’s slippery.” 

“Yeah, that’s the whole point.” 

“Are you sure we can do this?” 

“Yes, of course, it’s fine.” Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon’s hands and tried to guide him, he skated backwards slowly so that Jihoon wouldn’t lose his balance.

“See? It’s not so bad.” 

“I will fall on my face and die. How do you not die every single match?”

“Oh, I do,” Seungcheol told him with a smile, which made Jihoon laugh. 

After five minutes of skating around when Seungcheol saw that Jihoon was more comfortable, he decided to finally let go of his hands. 

“I’m gonna let you go.” 

“Don’t you dare.” 

“You’re doing fine, Jihoon, come on,” he said as he let go of one of his hands. 

“I’ll fall.” 

“You won’t fall.” Seungcheol let his other hand go and Jihoon skated for about ten seconds before he fell on his ass. 

“I fell,” he mumbled, still laying on the ground and with no attempt of getting up. 

“I can see that.” Seungcheol stood next to him and Jihoon looked up at him before he sighed tiredly. 

Before Jihoon could get up from the floor Seungcheol sat down on the ice and laid next to him. 

“What are you doing?” Jihoon asked, looking at him with a smile. 

“If anyone sees us they’re gonna think we’re just chilling and they’re not going to know you fell.” 

“That’s so kind of you. Because I think I don’t know how to get up.” Seungcheol laughed and turned his head to look at him with a smile. 

“Did you miss me when you were gone?” Seungcheol asked suddenly. 

“Of course.” Jihoon answered with a smile. “I missed everything, uni is not as good as everyone makes it seem.” Seungcheol laughed. 

“I agree, thank god that’s over.” 

“We meet both times when we finish studies, is this a sign? Do we hate studying that much?” Seungcheol looked at him with a smile on his face before answering. 

“I sure as hell do, I don’t know about you. I remember you told me you wanted to start doing what you loved as soon as you finished studying, did you do that?” 

“I did, I mean, I’m a musician now. You’re a professional hockey player. I think we played our cards well.” 

“Sometimes I can’t believe I became a professional hockey player because my boyfriend told me to when I was seventeen.” 

Jihoon gasped and looked at him, Seungcheol looked back at him when he heard him gasp. 

“Don’t talk so loudly, someone’s going to hear you.”

“There’s no one…” 

“Ssshhh!” Jihoon stopped him, shushing loudly. “Don’t talk about our relationship. It was illegal . I told you that when you were eighteen and I was seventeen .” Seungcheol threw his head back and laughed when he heard that. 

“Yeah, I forgot about that.”

“We shouldn’t talk about this, you might go to jail. Think about your career.” Jihoon said in a serious manner but ended up laughing too. 

“We should probably get up,” 

“Yeah, we should, I’m starting to get cold.” 

“Yeah, you guys should probably get up.” they both raised their heads when they heard a voice, Jihoon smiled widely when he saw Mingyu. 

“Help me get up,” Jihoon told Seungcheol once he saw Mingyu, Seungcheol smiled and held Jihoon close so he wouldn’t fall again until they were out of the ice. 

“Hi, I missed you so much.” Mingyu said with a smile, almost crushing Jihoon in a hug. 

“Okay, okay, I need to breathe.” he tried to say against Mingyu’s chest. “I missed you too.” Jihoon said with a smile when he finally let go of him. 

“Let’s go take your skates off and have some food.” Mingyu suggested with a smile. 

“Oh thank God you’re here, he wants me to learn how to skate.” Jihoon complained. 

“How dare you do that to him?” Mingyu said at the same time he placed his arm around Jihoon’s shoulder to guide him to the locker rooms and looked at Seungcheol as if he had done the worst thing in the world. 

Seungcheol laughed and followed them so that he could also take off his gear. They went to a nearby restaurant to have dinner, just the three of them and they talked excitedly, Mingyu and Seungcheol were both telling Jihoon what their lives had been like the past five years. 

“Jihoon your phone is going off.” 

“I know, my friends are asking me about you, they know I’m hanging out with you.” 

“Oh, I guess we’re kind of celebrities now, right?” Mingyu said with a smile. 

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Seungcheol told him. 

“Yeah, well they’re asking mostly about Mingyu.” Jihoon explained, Seungcheol looked at him surprised. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, but it’s because of Seungkwan, he has a massive crush on you,” he told Mingyu, who smiled when he heard that. 

“Oh, really? Is he cute?” Seungcheol whipped his head and looked at him surprised when he heard that. “What? I’m single.” Mingyu tried to explain, confused as to why Seungcheol was so surprised. 

Jihoon was surprised too that Mingyu was open to dating men, but it was just so funny to see Seungcheol’s reaction that he just started laughing hysterically, which made Mingyu even more confused. Five minutes later Jihoon was still laughing, Mingyu was still confused and Seungcheol was still surprised. 

They continued to hang out every time they could, which was not a lot because they both had packed schedules and Jihoon still had work. Seungcheol called him almost every day and they talked for hours on the phone. 

“Jihoon I swear to god, can you please talk to your boyfriend another time? I’m trying to concentrate.” Jeonghan complained, tired of hearing him on the phone. 

“He’s not my boyfriend and you know that, besides, this is payback for all the times you didn’t let me work in peace.” Jeonghan groaned and looked at the book again, trying to read in peace. 

He walked to the stadium one time because he had free time and he knew that Seungcheol would probably be practising at that time and he wanted to see him. But he was surprised to see there was someone else training instead of Seungcheol. 

“Hey, have you seen Seungcheol?” he asked the guy in the ice, who took out his helmet to look at him. 

“No, I asked him to train today so he probably took a day off, I think he’s training tomorrow tho.” 

“Okay, thank you,” he said before leaving. 

“What do you know him from?” the guy asked, skating until he was closer to Jihoon. 

“We were classmates.” 

“University classmates?” 

“High school.” he corrected him. 

“Wow, like Mingyu, he seems to keep a lot of friends.” Jihoon laughed at that. 

“Yeah well, he’s nice to be around.” 

“What’s your name?” 

“Jihoon.” 

“I’m Jun, nice to meet you,” he said with a smile. 

“Oh, Jun, right, you’re on the same team I saw you play once.” 

“Not a big fan of hockey, are you?” 

“Jihoon, fan of hockey? We have to drag him every time we want to play, even if he just has to watch.” Jihoon turned around and smiled when he saw Mingyu. 

“Hi.” he greeted him, Mingyu placed his arm around Jihoon’s shoulder to hug him. 

“You have to be careful with this one, he’s a big flirt,” Mingyu warned him, pointing at Jun. 

“Okay, you don’t have to ruin it like that,” Jun complained, which made Jihoon laugh. 

“I am going to take him away before you say anything embarrassing.” Mingyu told Jun with a smile. 

“Ah, fate tears us apart.” Jun said to Jihoon as he put back on his helmet. “Nice meeting you.” 

“Nice meeting you too.” Jihoon said before he left with Mingyu. 

“What do you say we grab something to eat?” 

“Yes, I’m starving.” 

They both went to the same place they always went to eat since it was so close to the stadium. 

“So, how’s everything going with Seungcheol?” Mingyu asked with a smile. 

“Fine, we’ve been catching up lately.” 

“So are you together again?” Jihoon raised his head to look at him surprised. 

“What?” 

“Are you dating again?” 

“You- You knew?!” 

“Yes of course I knew, it was obvious,” Mingyu said with a smile. “I mean, at least to me, no one else knew, you don’t have to worry.” 

“I… No, we’re not together again. We just dated for a couple of months when we were kids, we were never really that close.” 

“I thought that now that you’re here maybe you would knock some sense into him.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, he has a lot of girlfriends now, he wasn’t like that before. And after he dated you he never dated another guy. I’ve tried to ask him why but he always dodges my questions and since he never told me you two dated, I can’t just ask him.” 

“Right…” Jihoon mumbled and thought about it for a while “But I can’t do anything either Mingyu, we dated for a couple of months years ago, I can’t just ask why he’s not gay. Maybe after he dated me he was sure that he doesn’t like men.” 

“But he liked you.” Jihoon shrugged for lack of a better answer. 

“Well, it’s been months since we talk again and he behaves as if we’re just friends. I’m fine with just being friends.” 

“Why did you break up?” 

“I broke up with him before I left and came here. I didn’t want to have a long-distance relationship.” 

“Why not?” 

“We were young, I didn’t want my first boyfriend to be a thousand miles away from me. It would’ve been a huge distraction and I had a lot on my mind.” 

“But you seem to work it out just fine now.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well you call each other almost every day, what do you even talk about?” 

“Everything, he tells me how his day went, what he did, what he dreamt that night. A lot of nonsense, I tell him almost the same.” Jihoon shrugged. 

“Oh, so like couples do?” 

“We’re not together Mingyu,” Jihoon said, rolling his eyes. 

“But you might be, in the future.” Jihoon laughed at that, which Mingyu took as a yes. “I just think Seungcheol looks really happy when he’s with you.” 

“I don’t know Mingyu, we dated years ago, who stays with their high school sweetheart? And it wasn’t such a big thing, if it had been then we would’ve kept in contact, but we didn’t.” 

“You didn’t because you didn’t want to.” 

“What?” 

“Oh come on, you’re just telling me that you were both so busy that you couldn’t just meet? You were scared! That’s what you were.”

“What do you mean scared?” 

“Well, I don’t know, you both seemed to be good for each other, and suddenly Seungcheol told me that you broke up with him because you didn’t want a long-distance relationship. And both of you were fine with it. It was kinda weird for me, from an outside perspective. I thought you two would last pretty long. After he told me that I thought that maybe you broke up with him because you didn’t want a serious relationship so young.” 

“Partly, if we kept being together when I was living in another city that meant another kind of commitment to each other, and we were really young back then.” 

“And why not now?” 

“He doesn’t like men.” 

“But he liked you.” 

“Past tense.” 

“Ugh, you’re both so stubborn.” Jihoon laughed and kept eating.

“I think my friends think the same as you.” 

“Well, they’re smart.”

“I just think you’re all delusional,” Jihoon said with a smile, Mingyu rolled his eyes.

Jihoon didn’t know how to take that conversation, probably because he kind of agreed with Mingyu. It was true that he broke up with Seungcheol because at the time he felt like his feelings were too strong for a relationship that was doomed when they were just teenagers. But that doesn’t mean they should just date now that they’re adults. 

“Mingyu keeps asking about Seungkwan.” Jihoon told Seungcheol over the phone one night when they were talking, he was whispering because Jeonghan was asleep. 

‘Maybe you should just introduce them.’

“I can’t, Seungkwan is in Jeju right now, remember? He won’t come back until September.” 

‘We start the season in September, Mingyu will be busy by then.’ 

“Right, I figured.” Jihoon rolled his eyes and plopped himself down on the couch.

‘But maybe it’ll be our last season with this team.’

“What? Really? But you’ve only been playing with them for half a year. I thought you would renew your contract.” 

‘Mingyu might, he likes this team.’

“You don’t?” 

‘I do too, but I’ve been getting a lot of offers from different teams and they seem more convincing.’

“Ah, I understand.” 

‘I don’t know yet, I’ll play this season with them but maybe by January I’ll sign with another team, see what it’s like.’ 

“Are there any teams you’ve got your eye on?” 

‘Some of them, yes, but I’ll keep it a secret for now.’ Jihoon smiled when he heard that. ‘Don’t want any rumours going around of what team I’ll probably join.’ 

“Right, like I would tell the press or something.” 

‘Anyways, are you dressed?’ Jihoon frowned and looked down at himself. 

“I’m in my pyjamas, why?” 

‘I’m outside, are you coming?’ 

Jihoon smiled and got up to look out the window, he saw Seungcheol standing in his street. 

“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” he said over the phone before he went to his room to get changed. 

Jihoon dressed comfortably and went down the stairs until he met Seungcheol outside. 

“Hey.” Seungcheol smiled and hugged him. 

“I thought you were busy training.” 

“I had to make some time to see you.” they both started to walk slowly down the street. 

They stayed silent for a moment and Jihoon remembered how they both liked to walk on the street at night when they were dating, because that meant that they could hold hands and no one would see them. He looked at Seungcheol’s hand but didn’t move his to grab it. 

“Are you tired?” 

“Not really. What about you? Didn’t you train today?” 

“Yes, but I’m not tired. Didn’t you have work today?” 

“No, my job is more flexible,” Jihoon started to explain. “I compose music for other artists so I’m mostly composing when I have free time or I’m feeling inspired and when they call me I already have a few songs prepared.” 

“That’s great, don’t you play too?” 

“I’ve played piano in some concerts, yes, I like composing classical music.” 

“I remember the song you composed for me,” Seungcheol told him with a smile.

“Really?” Jihoon asked surprised. 

“Yes, of course I remember. I really liked it. Best gift I’ve ever gotten.” 

“I’m glad you liked it that much,” Jihoon said and bumped into him in a friendly gesture.

They kept talking and walking around, Jihoon noticed that their hands would brush from time to time because of how close they were walking, but he didn’t have the courage to hold his hand. For a few moments he felt that awkwardness he used to feel during the first month of their relationship, it was a good feeling he missed. 

“But I wish we could hang out more.” Jihoon told him with a smile after Seungcheol commented on how busy he was. 

“Me too.” Seungcheol turned his head to smile at him, they’d been walking around and talking for a few hours, there was no one in the street at that hour. 

“We used to say the same when we were together, that we wished we were friends during high school.” 

“Right.” Seungcheol smiled at the memory. “Yeah, I still think we should’ve just been friends.” 

“What?” Jihoon raised his head and looked at him confused. 

“Maybe we wouldn’t have dated if we were friends in high school.” 

“Well I don’t know Seungcheol, you were the one to confess, you should know that.” 

“I mean, I got confused, I wanted to be your friend,” Jihoon stopped walking when he heard that. 

“Wait, what do you mean?” Jihoon asked, eyebrows furrowed. 

“I’m not gay Jihoon, I was just a kid, I got confused.” 

“What? Are you actually pulling the ‘it was just a phase’ card? I can’t believe you!” 

“But it’s true. Even if I was bisexual I would’ve liked other men, but I didn’t.” 

“So?! Did you not like me?” 

“Did you even like me? We were seventeen, we dated for barely a month, we were kids .”

“What are you talking about?! You mean to tell me that the whole reason I realised I’m gay was just a dumb phase for you?” 

“We’re not the same Jihoon.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re a homophobic piece of shit and I’m not.” Jihoon answered angrily. 

“What?! No, that’s not what I meant! I don’t mind that you’re gay…” 

“I can hear the but coming from miles away.” 

“But I’m not.” 

“Called it.” 

“Listen Jihoon, we can’t be together.” 

“I’m not asking you to be with me! When did I ever say that?!” 

“Then why are we even talking about this?!” 

“You can’t just ignore our entire relationship and act like you never liked me. You were the one to confess! You’re not straight Seungcheol! Don’t lie to yourself!” 

“You say ‘our entire relationship’ as if it was anything important.” 

Jihoon looked at him and tried to hide the surprise in his face, his eyes were starting to sting from the tears welling up. 

“You’re an asshole.” 

“I’m telling the truth.” 

“I’m glad I left you, I could never be with someone like you again.” Jihoon said, finally leaving. 

“Great, good for you.” Seungcheol screamed at him before he left. 

“Fantastic.” Jihoon screamed back. 

Jihoon fell asleep as soon as he got home and he tried not to think about Seungcheol, but with his friends, it was getting difficult. 

“You haven’t called him today.” Soonyoung told him while they were eating lunch together. 

“Yeah, maybe I won’t call him again.” Jihoon answered angrily. 

“What? Did you have a fight with him?” Jeonghan asked, confused.

“Can we please not talk about him?!” 

Both Soonyoung and Jeonghan nodded quickly and changed the subject, they didn’t ask him about Seungcheol again. Still, Jihoon felt like he wanted to scream at him because of how frustrated he was at the whole situation. 

“And then he said that our relationship wasn’t even important!” he screamed at the phone, explaining to Mingyu why they weren’t talking anymore. 

‘Uh, wow.’

“Yeah, wow .”

‘That’s so weird. I’m sorry he said that to you Jihoon.’

“You were right, he’s acting weird with his sexuality, he can’t actually believe that he dated a guy for two months just because he was confused .” 

‘I don’t know, like I said, I tried talking to him about this but he always dodges my questions.’

“Have you talked to him?” 

‘No, not for the last two weeks, he went to see his parents before the season started.’ Mingyu answered. ‘When did this happen?’ 

“I don’t know, three weeks ago? I couldn’t tell you since you were on vacation.” 

‘You haven’t talked to him in almost a month?’ 

“And I won’t until he apologizes.” 

‘Jihoon, he’s confused.’

“I swear to god if I hear that word one more time…!” 

‘No, I don’t mean with you, I mean with his sexuality, it’s okay if he’s still trying to figure it out.’

“I know! That’s fine by me. He can be as confused as he wants to be, but he can’t tell me to my face that our relationship meant nothing!” 

‘Yeah, I understand why you’re mad. But maybe you should try and talk to him, he really missed you all these years, and I’m sure you missed him too, it would be a shame if you just lost contact with each other again just because of a fight.’

“I’m just so angry .” Jihoon said. “I understand that he’s confused, we both didn’t know shit back then. Hell, I didn’t even know if I was gay or not. But at least I knew that we both felt the same, it was mutual and I had him and he had me. And suddenly, it just doesn’t mean anything to him.” he let out a sigh and tried to calm himself down when he noticed that his eyes were starting to get teary and the knot in his throat was starting to bother him. 

‘I’m sorry he said that to you Jihoon.’ Mingyu replied calmly. 

“He should be the one saying sorry.” 

‘I’m coming back tomorrow and I was gonna go have dinner with Jun and some other players, do you want to come with us? Maybe it’ll take your mind off of things.’

“Yeah, sure.” 

‘Maybe you can bring Seungkwan…’

“Oh, sorry Mingyu, he’s not back from Jeju yet.” 

‘It’s fine, maybe next time. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Jihoon replied before he hung up. 

Being with Mingyu and his friends did make him happier and forget about everything, Jeonghan came with him and was really happy to be so close with a team he liked so much. Unfortunately, Soonyoung had work to do so he couldn’t join them. Jihoon stopped laughing at Jun’s joke when he felt his phone vibrate, he frowned when he saw that it was his mom calling him. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” he excused himself as he got up from his seat, Jun nodded with a smile.

“Hi.” he greeted her with a smile when he took the call once he was outside the restaurant. 

‘Jihoon, sorry, did I bother you?’

“No, don’t worry. What’s wrong?” 

‘I called you to tell you some bad news.’

“What happened?” he asked, now concerned. “Is Dad all right?” 

‘Yes, yes, he’s fine. On the other hand, Seungcheol’s dad isn’t.’ Jihoon opened his eyes surprised when he heard that. ‘He died this morning.’

“What?” 

‘Yes, he wasn’t well, he hasn’t gone to church in a while so I asked his wife. I saw Seungcheol at church last week and he told me you’ve been talking again.’

“Yeah, we have.”

‘I think it would be great if you came to the funeral, he needs a friend.’

“I-I don’t know mom, we…” 

‘Jihoon please.’

“When is it?”

Jihoon looked at Seungcheol in his black suit and wondered if he’d cried in private. He had never seen Seungcheol cry and in contrast with his mom sobbing next to him, the image made him wonder. Jihoon was standing next to his parents, he noticed Seungcheol and him were the only young people at the funeral, his mom was right, Seungcheol probably needed a friend. He hadn’t told Mingyu about it and he was his best friend, even though he felt out of place being there he thought he should be there for him, fights aside. 

Everyone was getting in their cars, it was a sunny day outside since it was still summer. Jihoon walked up to Seungcheol, who was crouching in front of his father’s grave, now that the place was almost empty because they were all leaving. 

“Hey.” Jihoon whispered, he placed one of his hands on Seungcheol’s shoulder, he looked back and was surprised to see Jihoon there. 

“I didn’t know you were going to come.” he said as he got up.

“My mom called me yesterday.”

“Thank you for coming.” 

“It’s nothing. How are you feeling?” Jihoon asked softly, he grabbed his hand, trying to show comfort, but he felt Seungcheol flinch away when he did that. 

They both looked around almost instinctively after Seungcheol did that and Jihoon noticed that everyone had left and gone to their cars in the parking lot, too far away to even see them. 

“There’s no one here.” Jihoon whispered and when he turned to look at Seungcheol he was surprised to see tears in his eyes. 

Jihoon stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him before thinking twice about it. Seungcheol reciprocated the hug and placed his forehead on Jihoon’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I said that to you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

“Oh God, Seungcheol, please don’t worry about that.” Jihoon said after they parted. 

“Mingyu told me you were mad.” 

“Why didn’t you tell Mingyu to come?” 

“I don’t know…” Seungcheol mumbled. 

“You don’t have to endure this on your own, you have me, you have friends,” Jihoon said, he placed his hands on his shoulders. 

“I know.” Seungcheol answered softly. “I guess I’m mad.” 

“Why are you mad?” 

“Because he left.” he started to explain. “Before I could even show him anything.” 

“Seungcheol, I’m sure he was really proud of you.” 

“I know, that’s why I wish he would’ve stayed a little longer, I wish he could’ve seen more.” 

Jihoon moved his hands from his shoulders to his cheeks so that he would look at him in the eyes. 

“He was so proud of you Seungcheol, I’m sure he doesn’t have to see you on top of the world to know that you are the best son he could have ever had.” Jihoon told him with a smile. 

“I’m glad you’re here Jihoon.” 

“Should we go?” 

“I really don’t want to go to my house.” 

“Why not?” Jihoon asked confused.

“To sit there and see a lot of people cry or say they’re sorry? No thanks.” 

“All right, what do you say we take a walk then. The river’s close, we can go feed some ducks.” Jihoon said with a smile, which made Seungcheol smile too. 

They walked side by side in silence and they stopped at a convenience store to buy bread, soon enough they were sitting in the same spot they were at almost six years ago on Seungcheol’s birthday, which had been a couple of weeks ago. Probably the whole reason Seungcheol went home in the first place. All the ducks came quickly when they both started throwing pieces of bread to the water. 

“My dad liked you.” Seungcheol said finally.

“Really?” Jihoon asked softly while he looked at the ducks.

“Yes, he was happy when I told him we were talking again.” he explained slowly. “Although it wasn’t always like that, I told my parents you gave me the idea to try hockey professionally, they were not happy.” both of them laughed after Seungcheol said that. “But then… Everything turned out great and they realized you weren’t such a bad influence.” 

“Well then thank God it worked out for both of us in the end. It would’ve been funny if my advice was great for you and then I didn’t succeed.” Seungcheol laughed. 

“I’m happy we’re talking again.” 

“Me too.” Jihoon looked at him with a smile and moved his hand to grab Seungcheol’s hand. “Let’s not get mad at each other again.” 

They both went back to Seungcheol’s house after a while of talking and taking the pressure off of Seungcheol. By the time they got there almost everyone had left, Jihoon’s parents were still there talking with Seungcheol’s mom. 

“I’m so glad you came,” she whispered as she hugged Jihoon, still teary-eyed. 

“Sorry I took him away.” 

“No, no, it’s fine, I think it was good for him,” she said as she placed one hand on Seungcheol’s shoulder. 

After they talked with Seungcheol’s mom for a while they walked to Seungcheol’s room, Jihoon felt weird about being there after all those years, he looked around once they got to the end of the stairs. 

“It still looks the same,” Jihoon commented as he sat down in one of the beanbags.

“Yeah, it still looks like a teenager’s room.” Seungcheol smiled at him and sat on the other beanbag. 

“I’m telling you, mine does too. When I got home this morning I was kind of shocked.” 

“Yeah, but you’ve been living in the city for six years, I only left last year.” Jihoon laughed when he heard that. 

They both took off their jackets and sighed, they were tired. 

“Do you still have that box of beers?” Jihoon asked and Seungcheol threw his head back laughing when he heard that. 

“Actually, I do have some beers, and I wouldn’t mind some drinking.” he said as he got up. “But you’re not drinking.” Jihoon’s smile faded away when he heard that.

“What? Why? I’m not a minor anymore.” 

“Yeah, it’s not because of that. I remember what happened last time I let you drink.” 

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad.” 

“You told me you regretted everything and to never let you drink again.” 

“That was years ago! I know how much tolerance I have now, so I won’t drink more than I need to.” 

“Okay fine.” Seungcheol said as he threw one of the cans at Jihoon, who caught it in the air. “I missed this.” 

“Your house?” Jihoon asked distractedly. 

“No, hanging out with you, here.” 

“In your bedroom? Yeah, well, I mean, it’s not the same tho.” Jihoon said with a smile. 

“What do you mean? We’re just hanging out like we used to.” 

“Oh, really? Okay, let’s go cuddle on the bed then.” 

“Uhh…” 

“Yeah, thought so.” Jihoon rolled his eyes and took a sip of his beer. 

“Look, Jihoon, I’m sorry I said that, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it.” 

“It’s fine Seungcheol, I’ve already accepted the fact that our relationship clearly meant more to me than it did to you,” he said, trying to ease the tension between them. “Which is weird because you were the one to confess, but okay,” he whispered the last part but Seungcheol still heard it. 

“Okay, sit down, let’s do a game.” 

“I’m already sitting…?” Jihoon said confused, but Seungcheol rolled his eyes and sat on the floor. 

“Here, come on.” Jihoon sighed and sat on the floor in front of him. 

“So what’s this game you wanna play? Please don’t say spin the bottle because we don’t have a lot of options.” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that and shook his head. 

“I’m going to say something to you that I think you don’t know, if I’m right and you don’t know it then you drink, but if you already know this, you don’t drink.” 

“Okay…” 

“I’ll start.” Seungcheol said before Jihoon could object. “You snore, like, a lot.” 

“I do know that, although I only found out when I was in college because Jeonghan kept waking me up because he wanted to sleep.” Jihoon replied with a smile, Seungcheol laughed at that. “Okay, my turn.” he thought about it for a moment before saying something. “You have a really bad taste in movies.” 

“That’s an opinion.” 

“No, that’s a fact, now drink.” Seungcheol rolled his eyes even though he had a smile on his face and took a sip from his beer. 

“Okay…” Seungcheol thought about what he was about to say for a moment. “I stayed with you one day after class because you fell asleep against the window and I didn’t want you to hurt your cheek, so I moved you.” Jihoon smiled and raised the beer can to take a sip. 

“Why did you never tell me that?” 

“I thought you would think I was lame.” 

“It’s not lame… It’s romantic.” 

“We weren’t together at the time.” 

“It still is.” 

“Okay, your turn.” 

“One of the reasons I said yes to dating you was because I thought you were really hot.” Seungcheol chuckled as he drank another sip. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, I thought that if I’m ever going to date a guy might as well be the hottest one right?” Seungcheol laughed harder when he heard that. “I guess it was a good decision since I’m gay now. Maybe I’m not good enough to turn you gay.” 

“Now, I’m gonna stop you right there, you’re really handsome.” 

“No homo bro.” Jihoon said jokingly, they both burst out laughing before Seungcheol thought about the next thing he was going to say. 

“Okay, I… masturbatedoncethinkingaboutyou.” Seungcheol said, barely intelligible, but it still made Jihoon chuckle because he did understand him. 

“Are we not normal people? We were teenagers, dating. It’s not weird.” 

“Okay but did you know that?” 

“No, but…” 

“Drink.” 

“I’m starting to think you want to get me drunk.” Seungcheol just laughed and waited for Jihoon to keep going. 

“Uhmmm… My parents know we were dating.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Seungcheol asked surprised. 

“I obviously told them to not tell anyone, but when I came out to them they just kept saying that how did I know if I had never been with a girl or a guy and it just… Slipped out.” Seungcheol looked at him and didn’t say anything because he was still trying to process what he heard. “You have to drink.” Jihoon told him softly and tried to make him drink but Seungcheol didn’t budge.

“Why did you tell them that?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry. I hadn’t dated anyone yet when I told them and it was the only way they would leave me alone. They haven’t asked about you or anything now that they know we’re talking again.” 

“Yes, but Jihoon… That’s just.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m really really sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have said it, and I don’t think they even believed me. I think they thought I was lying for my benefit because you were the only guy I was close with and they knew you, so you’re all fine with this one, okay?” 

“Fine.” Seungcheol muttered as he raised the can to drink, Jihoon stopped him and took the can from his hands. 

“I’ll drink this one for you.” he said as he took a sip from Seungcheol’s can before giving it back to him. “I know I shouldn’t have done that, but they were screaming at me, saying that I don’t even know what I want, and I panicked…” Seungcheol nodded slowly. 

“It’s alright. As long as they don’t tell my mom.” Jihoon nodded with a smile. “I guess I’m kind of glad my father won’t ever have to find out about that disappointment.” 

“Seungcheol… It’s not a disappointment.” Jihoon mumbled slowly. 

“Really? How long did your parents not talk to you after you told them?” 

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t regret telling them.” Jihoon approached him slowly, Seungcheol had a lot of alcohol tolerance so he didn’t think it was the alcohol talking, he probably just missed his dad. 

“Do you wish you’d told him?” Jihoon asked slowly. 

Seungcheol didn’t answer and just drank from his can. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” he corrected himself quickly when he noticed Seungcheol wasn’t comfortable with that question. 

“It’s fine.” Seungcheol answered slowly. “This game is bullshit. I don’t even know why I came up with it.” Jihoon smiled after he heard that. 

“I actually like it, it’s original.” he told him, he moved his hand and left the can on the floor next to him. “I told you about telling my parents about you, I never thought I would tell you that and I felt so guilty for so long after doing it.” he explained “Maybe you made it up because you have something to tell me…” he mumbled softly.

“I hate this.” Seungcheol answered, Jihoon knew he didn’t mean him. He probably meant he hated so many things, but not Jihoon. 

He approached him to give him a hug, he felt more at ease when Seungcheol wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him back. Jihoon placed one of his hands on Seungcheol’s hair before he parted from him, they were still close and Jihoon had to look down at Seungcheol because he was kneeling and Seungcheol was still sitting on the floor. Seungcheol looked up at him but didn’t say anything even though Jihoon moved his hand to push his fringe back, he placed his other hand in his cheek and leaned in slowly. 

“Jihoon…” Seungcheol suddenly whispered, which made Jihoon stop. “I’m so sorry… I can’t.” he said as if it pained him to say that to Jihoon. 

“It’s okay.” Jihoon answered, he knew Seungcheol was obviously having a hard time and the last thing he wanted to do was push him into something he didn’t feel comfortable with. 

Jihoon caressed his cheek slowly before sitting back on the floor in front of him. There was a moment of silence and Seungcheol raised his can to drink from it. 

“The first time I had sex with a guy I thought about you.” Jihoon blurted out, which made Seungcheol choke on his drink.

“What?” he asked, still coughing and trying to catch his breath. 

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t like I was thinking about you the whole time or I imagined you instead of him. That would be weird. It was just really awkward and at one point I got bored...” 

“You got bored?” Seungcheol, eyes wide now.

“He was taking too long to finish and I wasn’t even having fun. So I thought ‘Is Seungcheol better at this’?” Jihoon explained, which made Seungcheol burst out laughing. “But I was clearly mistaken since you’ve never had sex with a man.” 

“Oh wait, what? What do you mean?” 

“You’re not actually that cocky, are you? You can’t be good at gay sex if you’ve never had sex with a man before. Porn is not real.” Jihoon said with a smile. 

“H-how do you know I’ve never…” 

“You’ve never had sex with a man before.” Jihoon said convinced of himself. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” they both laughed when Seungcheol said that. 

“But you’ve thought about it.” Jihoon teased, Seungcheol raised his eyebrows. 

“What? No-...” 

“Might I remind you ten minutes ago you said you…” 

“I was eighteen and I was dating you! You said it was normal!” Jihoon almost fell over from laughing too much at Seungcheol’s reaction. 

“Okay, okay, straight boy, I’ll leave you alone. I mean, we’re even because I’ve never had sex with a woman and I don’t think I would be very good at it.” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that. “Okay, it’s your turn.” 

“That was actually my turn, you’ve said two in a row.” Jihoon laughed when he realized. 

“I wanted to ease the tension and make you laugh.” Jihoon tried to defend himself, Seungcheol smiled at him.

“Thank you Jihoon.” 

“No worries, I’m a natural at making a fool of myself and making you laugh,” he said, and then winked at him, Seungcheol laughed.

“No, I mean…” he started to say and stopped laughing to look at Jihon with a smile on his face. “Thanks for being here. You really made my day better even though I was so shitty to you.” 

“Just forget about it, it’s fine. Let’s drink until we fall asleep.” Jihoon said, raising his can.

“That won’t be hard for you.” Seungcheol joked and also raised his can.

“Fuck off,” he warned him with a smile on his face before knocking his can with his and then drinking from it, Seungcheol did the same. 

Jihoon should really consider stopping drinking around Seungcheol because the difference in their tolerance was just too much. Jihoon woke up the next morning cuddled on the floor, he was resting his head on the beanbag and he noticed he now has a blanket on top of him. He raised his head and looked at Seungcheol, who was in the same position as him and also resting his head on the beanbag next to his. He also had a blanket on top of him, he guessed Seungcheol’s mom came down to check on them when they were already asleep. The night before he had already texted his parents telling them to not worry and that he was probably going to stay over at Seungcheol’s so they probably just left without him. 

He got up and hissed when he noticed the headache. He blinked a couple of times before he grabbed his tie and his jacket, he looked back at Seungcheol before he walked up the stairs. He rubbed his face and tried to wake himself up a little bit more, he had to catch his flight back home and he also wanted to say goodbye to his parents. 

“Good morning.” Jihoon turned around when he heard Seungcheol’s mom in the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” he mumbled, he wasn’t expecting to meet her. 

“You won’t stay for breakfast?” 

“No, sorry, I have to take a flight and I want to meet my parents before that.” 

“Okay,” she said with a smile, she looked better than she did the day before. “Thank you for coming.” 

“It was no problem, really. I’m so sorry we had to see each other again in these circumstances.” 

“Thank you for being with Seungcheol, I’m glad you are keeping in touch.” 

“Me too.” Jihoon answered with a smile. “I have to go and I didn’t want to wake him up. Will you tell him I said goodbye?” 

“Yes, sure.” 

“Goodbye.” 

“Have a safe trip,” she said before Jihoon left. 

Jihoon checked his phone when he was on the plane, he thought it would be his parents asking him if he already boarded, but he smiled when he saw Seungcheol’s name on the screen. 

Seungcheol: Missed you this morning

Jihoon: Had to leave, sorry.

Seungcheol: I’ll be back once the season starts

Seungcheol: Let’s meet more often

Jihoon: Yeah!

Jihoon smiled at Mingyu when he saw him at the airport. 

“Thanks for coming,” he told him with a smile before Mingyu hugged him and took his luggage. 

“It’s all right, I know how expensive taxis are.” Mingyu said with a smile. “How was everything with Seungcheol?” 

“It was all right, he’s feeling better now.” 

“Our parents don’t really get along so maybe that’s why I didn’t get a call.” 

“Why don’t they get along?”

“My parents aren’t religious. So the few times they’ve met it hasn’t gone well. They don’t think I’m a good influence for Seungcheol.” 

“That’s… So dumb. You’re his best friend.” Mingyu just shrugged after that and they got into his car to drive to Jihoon’s house. 

“I mean, it’s fine. I don’t really see his parents.” he kept talking once they were driving. “But your parents are friends, right?” 

“Yeah. Even after we lost contact my parents would tell me some things about Seungcheol because they go to the same church as his parents, that’s why they called me to the funeral.” 

“How was he?” Mingyu asked while looking at the road. 

“Not great. He really misses his father. I tried to cheer him up when I was there, it worked. I think he’s feeling better now. I couldn’t stay for long because I have work here, I hope he’s doing fine.” 

“He’s really happy when he’s with you.” 

“Well, I hope so, I would be very sad if he was bored when he spends time with me.” Jihoon answered with a smile. 

“No, I mean… More happy than usual.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I’m his best friend, I’ve known him since we were like...Seven. And I’ve almost seen him every week since then. I know him like the back of my hand. I can tell.” 

“Really? That long?” 

“Yeah, we were in the same sports club since we were kids.” Mingyu answered with a smile. “But you too, you know him since… what? Middle school?” 

“High school. We met when we were fifteen. But still, we weren’t really that close during high school.” 

“Yeah, because he was too shy to talk to you.” Mingyu pointed out and laughed, Jihoon followed too. “But you’re also one of his closest friends, I know.” 

“No way, he must have closer friends than me.” 

“He really doesn’t.” Mingyu started to explain. “You know how Seungcheol is, he has a lot of friends and he gets along with everyone but… They don’t really know him. There are very few people that Seungcheol has actually let into his life. And you’re one of them.” 

“Yeah… I remember he didn’t actually hang out with his friends from school, but he was so popular.” 

“It was the same for college,” Mingyu told him. “We were roommates and we already knew each other so it was difficult for us to make friends, and some of the guys from the team really hated him because he got a lot of attention in his first year because he was so good.” 

“What? That’s so dumb.”

“Yeah, he went through a hard time, but no one knew, he only told me and even then I knew he wasn’t telling me everything.”

“Are you worried about him?” Jihoon asked softly.

“I’m not worried about him when he’s with you,” Mingyu answered almost immediately, but Jihoon didn’t know how to respond to that. 

He tried to change the subject and ask Mingyu about how the other night, when he had to leave early, was. Mingyu went on a rant explaining him everything that happened, which was a mess because an entire hockey team plus Jeonghan was not a good match. 

“Should we go have dinner outside? I don’t think there’s anything at home and I’m too tired to cook.” 

“Yeah sure, just leave your stuff and I’ll take you to the best restaurant.” 

“You’re the best.” Jihoon told him with a smile before he got out of the car to take his luggage upstairs. 

He opened the door and took off his jacket and his shoes. 

“Hey Jeonghan, you in here?” he asked while he walked to the living room. 

“Yeah.” Jeonghan answered, Jihoon opened his eyes surprised when he saw he was with a guy in the living room. 

“Oh hey.” he greeted him, still surprised because Jeonghan didn’t bring boys over.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you would get back so early.” Jeonghan tried to apologize. 

“Yeah, I have work so I couldn’t stay for long.” Jeonghan was already making an attempt at getting up before Jihoon stopped him. “Oh no, you can stay, I just came to leave my luggage, I’ll go out to have dinner with Mingyu,” he said looking at both of them and then frowned when he looked closer at the guy. “Oh, I know you. You’re the waiter from the other night, right?” he asked with a smile. 

“Yeah, Joshua, nice to meet you.” 

“Great seeing you again, I’m Jihoon.” Jeonghan gave him a look and Jihoon understood what he meant. “Well, I’ll get going, Mingyu’s waiting for me downstairs,” he said as he retreated to the front door and waved at them while smiling. 

As soon as Joshua turned around Jihoon gave Jeonghan two thumbs up and mouthed ‘He’s hot!’ before he left quickly so that Jeonghan wouldn’t get mad at him. 

“Jeonghan’s having a date.” Jihoon told Mingyu while he put the seatbelt on. 

“What? Really?” 

“Yeah, it’s the waiter from the other night.” 

“Oh my god, Joshua! They were flirting the whole time, I didn’t know he got his number.” 

“Well, apparently it went well.” 

“Good for him.” Mingyu said with a smile before he started the car and drove to the restaurant they always went. 

Jihoon was happy for Jeonghan, who started dating Joshua not long after. He told Jihoon he was working as a waiter but he actually wanted to start his own restaurant because he loved cooking, and Jihoon thought he was a really sweet guy for Jeonghan. Although it was getting tiring that they still shared an apartment now that one of them was dating, still Soonyoung and Seungkwan would sometimes come over and it all just felt like back when they were in college. 

“No way!” Seungkwan suddenly screamed while they were all eating takeout in the living room. 

“What’s wrong?” Soonyoung asked confused. 

“Look!” he showed them his phone and they saw a few pictures of Seungcheol hanging out with a girl and a lot of comments where people assumed they were dating, which was what it looked like since they were walking hand in hand. 

“Do you know her?” Jeonghan asked Jihoon. 

“No, I don’t know her,” he answered slowly and shrugged, they still looked at him as if they were waiting for another reaction. “What? I’m not dating him, why are you waiting for me to be mad or something?” 

“I don’t know Jihoon, if my ex-boyfriend was dating a girl I would at least be salty.” 

“I’m not, it was almost six years ago.” 

“Yeah, you’ve probably seen him dating other girls.” Seungkwan assumed, looking back at his phone.

“Not really.” 

“What? Really? He always has scandals like this, he’s known for being kind of a playboy.” 

“Well, he’s not…” Jihoon murmured, looking at his food. 

“The countless pictures of him with girls say otherwise.” Soonyoung laughed, Jihoon raised an eyebrow, he knew Seungcheol, personally, he knew how he was around women, and playboy was not a word that he would associate with him. 

“Look.” Seungkwan looked through his phone and pulled out a gossip account with Seungcheol’s name typed on it. 

Jihoon grabbed it and looked at the pictures curiously. He felt like he was seeing another person in those pictures, he never imagined Seungcheol would be that type of guy. His friends started talking about Seungcheol’s different girlfriends but Jihoon tuned them out as he saw the pictures one by one and noticed a pattern. He wasn’t smiling in any of them. His first thought was that it was probably because those were all candid photos, taken on the street by paparazzi (Jihoon didn’t know Seungcheol was that famous), so he was just walking and it was usual to not be smiling. But then he also remembered all of the walks that he’d had with Seungcheol and how they joked around and laughed even when they were in silence or just holding hands. His mind went back to Mingyu’s words and he tuned back into the conversation. 

“I mean, I’ve met a lot of bi-curious guys, maybe that’s why he dated Jihoon.” Soonyoung tried to reason.

“He might be just bi, I hate the word bi-curious.” 

“Yeah, but he didn’t date any guys.” 

“As far as we know.” Seungkwan corrected. 

“No, he didn’t, remember? Jihoon told us that’s what Seungcheol said.” Jeonghan pointed at Jihoon and he looked at them. 

“Okay, so he’s straight then.”

“Seungcheol’s gay.” Jihoon said, grabbing their attention. 

“What?” Jeonghan asked, surprised that he would say that. 

“His ex-girlfriends would disagree with you Jihoon.” 

“Well I am his ex-boyfriend,” he said, raising his head and looking at them. “I know him since we were fifteen years old and even if we weren’t the closest friends during high school I still know him. I know how he behaves around women. He literally does not give a shit about any girl that’s around him.” he explained slowly. 

“How do you know?” 

“It was like that in high school, and he’s still like that to this day.” Jihoon said, convinced of himself. “I’ve seen all the pictures you’ve shown me of his ex-girlfriends and not in a single one of them he’s smiling like he did when he dated me. Maybe it’s egocentric of me to say this, but I know I’m right, I know him like the back of my hand because I have been with him at his worst.” 

“He might be bi.” Soonyoung suggested. 

“He’s not. I don’t know what happened to him while I wasn’t in contact with him but he’s having problems accepting his sexuality and even Mingyu has noticed. He told me when we met again last year. That he knew Seungcheol was behaving weirdly with all of those girlfriends. I just… Know.” he took a pause before he continued talking. “I’m telling this to you because you’re my best friends and I know this won’t get out of this room, but even if he’s confused we have to accept his decision and if he wants to be straight then I’m no one to push him out of the closet.” they nodded slowly after he said that. 

“I understand why he wouldn’t want to come out, the community is so toxic towards gay people.” Seungkwan noted, he sounded kind of sad. 

Jihoon still hadn’t told him that Mingyu was also asking for him as much as Seungkwan was because he didn’t want to out him. He knew how bad it would be for them to come out, still, he knew Seungcheol’s problem was not with a toxic community, it was with himself. He didn’t even want to accept it. Jihoon had shrugged it off previously when Mingyu told him he was worried, thinking that Seungcheol was just bisexual and that he was inclined more towards women now, but after being in contact again with him for almost a year, he could see the issues. 

Still, he said nothing to Seungcheol when they hung out together, which was weirdly always with part of the team or his friends. Jihoon understood they were extremely busy with so many games and practices, so it was normal that they would want to just hang out together. But even Mingyu would find time to go out with Jihoon on their own. He liked it when he was alone with Seungcheol, because that seemed like the real Seungcheol. 

“Well, she’s really hot.” he said with a smile to his friends when they asked him what his new girlfriend was like, Jihoon frowned at that and looked for Mingyu’s gaze, who had apparently zoned out and was no longer listening to Seungcheol. Jihoon didn’t blame him. Seungcheol didn’t talk like that about girls. 

‘She’s really smart… I think she’s better than me at sports… She would probably beat you in a fight, so shut the fuck up.’ Jihoon tried to replay those sentences in his mind, sentences he had heard Seungcheol say when they were in class and now sounded like a fever dream. 

“How is she?” Jihoon asked with a smile when they finally had some privacy, which meant the guys were having conversations between them and Seungcheol was beside Jihoon at the table. 

“She’s great.” Seungcheol answered with a smile. 

“I saw a picture of you with her, Seungkwan showed it to me, she’s beautiful.” 

“Yeah, she’s really nice.” Seungcheol answered and looked at his food.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were meeting someone?” 

“I don’t know… I didn’t think it would get serious.” 

Jihoon was glad Seungcheol wasn’t attached to that figure skater because two months later they had already broken up. 

“Are you alright?” Jihoon asked him over the phone.

“Yeah, the game went great yesterday, why do you ask?” Seungcheol answered, clearly smiling even though Jihoon couldn’t see his face. 

“Your girlfriend…” 

“Oh right! Yeah, it didn’t work out in the end, we weren’t a good match.” 

“Oh, such a shame.” 

Jeonghan gestured at him from the kitchen to tell him that the food was ready. 

“Seungcheol, I have to go, please call me, I barely see you anymore.” 

“Yes! Sorry, I’ve been busy.” 

“I know, good luck with your next game.” Jihoon told him with a smile.

“Thank you.” Seungcheol answered before he hung up. 

“You don’t go out with him that much anymore.” Jeonghan said when they sat down at the dinner table, which they did every Friday night. 

“Yeah, he has a lot of games since it’s the middle of the season.” 

“Yes, I know, but even last year, he called you more.” Jihoon shrugged at that.

“I guess he got used to me being around. He hadn’t seen me for a lot of years last winter.” 

“Right. It just…” Jihoon raised his head when he saw Jeonghan hesitating. “It doesn’t look like you’re friends.” 

“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked carefully, although he already had an idea of what Seungcheol meant. 

“Last year I really thought you two would get together, but… He’s still dating girls and he doesn’t call you as much as he did. And you also don’t bug him as much as you did, as if… You don’t actually want to hang out with him anymore.” Jihoon bit his lip and thought about telling him what had been on his mind for the last few months and what he felt every time he saw Seungcheol again. 

“It’s difficult to be friends with Seungcheol…” Jihoon muttered without raising his head. 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like… I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a situation like this, but… I have never known this person as a friend before. Have you ever had a relationship with someone like that?” Jeonghan shook his head slowly. “I don’t know him as a friend. I know him as my first love.” 

“But it’s been a year since you started talking again… Don’t you feel like you’re past that?” 

“Maybe he is, I don’t know. But I’m not. I can’t look at him and not think about the way he looks at me, or try to guess why he touched my hand. It’s always like that, it’s a constant feeling of: ‘does he still feel anything towards me?’ Even if I don’t love him anymore, it’s like that, so it’s difficult to be friends with him when I’ve never seen him as a friend.” Jihoon tried to explain slowly. “I know it’s stupid, because we didn’t date for a long time and we didn’t do a lot of things that normal couples do. But we were kids and we didn’t even know our sexuality, it was normal. And obviously we were friends when we were together, we behaved like best friends, he is my friend. Still, it feels like something’s missing now and I’m trying to piece it back together.”

“Do you feel uncomfortable…?” 

“Extremely uncomfortable.” Jihoon said with a laugh, almost relieved that Jeongha understood. “Like, if we’re alone it’s fine, because we’ve always been like that when we’re alone. But when there are other people around I can feel the difference between how other people behave around me and how he behaves. It’s… a weird feeling. That’s why I don’t really care if we hang out together or not because we always go out with his friends lately, since they’re all busy.”

“Well, the season is going to be over soon so maybe you can talk to him privately about it.” 

“Really? Already?” 

“Yes, just a couple more weeks and no more games, he won’t have an excuse then.” Jeonghan told him with a smile, which made Jihoon laugh. 

But it wasn’t entirely true since when games ended, celebrations started, and then, the big news came in. 

“What?” Jihoon said, looking at Seungkwan in disbelief. 

“Toronto Maple Leafs! Isn’t that amazing? It’s a great team Jihoon, I know you still don’t know a thing about hockey, but this is a huge opportunity for Seungcheol because…” Jihoon tuned out Seungkwan as he tried to process what he had just said to him. 

‘Toronto’

“So he’s going to Canada?” 

“Yeah, obviously.” 

“That’s great.” Jihoon said, trying to put on a smile, Seungkwan didn’t notice it was fake.

“Right?!” 

Jihoon couldn’t get the news out of his head even if he tried to, because for some reason it kept appearing on his feed of every social media he used, which was probably his friends’ fault. He tried to call Seungcheol a few times but he didn’t pick up his phone, it wasn’t until it was late at night that he got a call from Seungcheol that Jihoon picked up almost immediately. 

“Hey.” he tried to say calmly.

“Hey! Sorry I didn’t pick up your calls, I was really busy with interviews.” 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I heard the news, congratulations!” 

“Thank you Jihoon, I’m really excited about it.” 

“I’m sure, Seungkwan made sure to tell me just how amazing your new team is.” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that.

“Yeah…”

“So… You’re leaving.” 

“In a week. I have to start training with my new team. Even though I probably won’t play until February.” Jihoon didn’t know what to say and was glad that Seungcheol kept talking. “My mom is really excited too, although she’s kinda sad she won’t get to see me that often and I’ll be even further away from her.” 

“I’m sure she’s really proud of you.” Jihoon told him with a smile. “But please visit, we also want to see you and I don’t want to see you disappear from my life again.” Seungcheol laughed at that. 

“Don’t worry Jihoon, I don’t think I would be able to live without you.” Seungcheol said without thinking, Jihoon’s heart skipped a beat when he heard that. “Without your jokes! You’re a natural at making a fool of yourself and making me laugh, remember?” he quickly corrected himself, but Jihoon was still surprised at what he said. 

“Yeah… Right, I remember,” he said trying to laugh so the whole conversation wouldn’t sound as awkward as it actually was. “Well, now that we’re on that subject, the other day I…” he tried to change the subject and proceeded to tell him about how a few days prior he sent the wrong audio file to his boss and he heard the whole audio he had sent Jeonghan about how ridiculous was the request he made for the song. 

He likes to hear Seungcheol’s laugh, and sadly he couldn’t hear it in person since Seungcheol was still too busy during his last week there. Still, they talked over the phone almost every night and Jihoon loved telling him all the dumb stuff that happened to him, he loved how Seungcheol’s voice would sound so cheery at the end of the phone call in contrast with how exhausted he sounded as soon as he said ‘hello’. 

But then again, he couldn’t blame him, even Mingyu was so exhausted he would barely go out with him so he didn’t find Seungcheol’s behavior weird. Since the holidays were over almost everyone was back to work and Jeonghan had been complaining all day about how Seungkwan, Soonyoung and Jihoon were being just ‘too noisy’. They all laughed because that was a comment usually made by Jihoon.

“What’s even the problem? You’ve been sighing at your computer for an hour now.” Seungkwan looked over his shoulder to see what he was doing. “Are you online shopping?” he asked laughing.

“I’m trying to look for this book, but I can’t find it in any bookshop.” Jeonghan whined. 

“Let me see.” Jihoon leaned over his shoulder to look at the computer, he smiled when he read the title. “Yes, I think I have it. They made me read it for my admission test to uni, so I should have it around here.” 

“Oh my god, Jihoon you are my saviour.” Jeonghan sighed in relief.

He looked through the books in his library until he found the one that Jeonghan was looking for. He took it off of the shelf and walked to the couch so he could give it to Jeonghan. 

“You dropped something.” Seungkwan pointed out, Jihoon turned around to look at the floor and felt his heart skip a beat when he saw what had fallen off from the pages of the book. 

“What is that?” Jeonghan asked confusedly while trying to see what it was. 

“It’s a flower,” Jihoon mumbled, he picked up the purple flower, careful not to break it since it had been squished between the pages of the book for so many years. 

“Oh, yeah, my mom also keeps pretty flowers between book pages, they last pretty long.” 

Jihoon turned around to face them but didn’t raise his gaze from the flower in his hands. 

“It’s from the bouquet of flowers Seungcheol gave me when he confessed to me,” he explained slowly. 

“You…” Seungkwan started to say, but he couldn’t find the words, both Jeonghan and Seungkwan looked at him in disbelief after he said that. 

“They’re all here.” Jihoon mumbled, he moved the book around, separating the pages and making the flowers that had been squished in the book fall to the floor. 

The three of them looked at the floor, now full of flowers, Seungkwan and Jeonghan were still surprised, but Jihoon was starting to feel tears in his eyes. 

“You kept them.” 

“I didn’t want them to die.” Jihoon whispered, he didn’t raise his head because he felt one of his tears fall to the floor. 

“Jihoon…” he looked up when he heard Jeonghan’s soft voice and his hands on his shoulders. “If you still love him… You shouldn't let him go.” 

“But he doesn’t love me back.” 

“You don’t know that. You know he likes men, and he’s been only dating girls, right? You’re the only man he has ever accepted his feelings for, even when you didn’t love him back. Now that you do, don’t you think he will choose you?” 

“I don’t…” he started to mutter, but was stopped by Seungkwan. 

“Doesn’t his flight leave today?” Seungkwan asked, getting up from the couch. 

“Yes.” 

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go get him before he leaves.” 

Jihoon didn’t think twice before he took out his phone to make a phone call. He wiped his tears away and saw Jeonghan pick up all the flowers on the floor. 

“Mingyu?” he asked when he heard someone pick up the phone. 

‘Hey! How are you doing Jihoon?’

“Did Seungcheol leave already?” 

‘No, his flight got delayed. Why?’

“I need to tell him something.” 

‘ Oh , oh, it’s happening? Are you gonna tell him you love him?’ Jihoon laughed at Mingyu’s excitement.

“Yes.” 

‘Well I just left him at the airport, I’m in my car right now, should I go pick you up?’ 

“Yes please.” 

“Ok, I’ll be there as fast as I can.” 

Sure enough, Mingyu was outside his house before Jihoon could even regret what he was about to do. Jeonghan gestured for him to get out of the car so he could drive, Mingyu didn’t question him and got out of the car, he bumped into Seungkwan after he closed the door. 

“Kim Mingyu.” Seungkwan whispered, raising his head to look up at him after he’d bumped into him. “I think I’m in love with you,” he told him bluntly, which was not surprising to Jihoon since Seungkwan had a crush on Mingyu ever since freshman year of college, what surprised him was Mingyu’s answer. 

“The feeling’s mutual.” Mingyu answered with a smile. 

“WHAT?!” Jihoon exclaimed, not getting into the car and looking back at them. 

“Jihoon you have to leave.” Jeonghan ushered him.

“No, that’s not fair! It can’t be that easy!” he continued to complain when he saw Seungkwan and Mingyu looking at each other lovingly.

“Get in the car!” both Mingyu and Seungkwan screamed at him, finally looking away from each other. 

“It can’t be that easy.” Jihoon muttered to himself when he was finally in the car after Jeonghan slammed the door in his face. 

“COME ON GUYS! CAN YOU PROPOSE LATER?!” Jeonghan called for them, already sat in front of the wheel. “Ok, is everyone strapped?” Jeonghan asked when both Mingyu and Seungkwan were in the car, they all nodded and before they could hold on tight Jeonghan started driving. 

Seungkwan held onto Mingyu and Jihoon tried not to have a heart attack because of how fast and recklessly Jeonghan was driving. 

“Well, now we know why Joshua doesn’t let you drive.” 

Jihoon was sure the drive to the airport was not as fast as Jeonghan made it, but thankfully they didn’t get any speeding tickets. As soon as the car stopped Jihoon opened the door and got out, the airport was big but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a crowd of people. He was sure he’d lost his friends even though they were running behind him, Jihoon was going faster than them. But now that he’d spotted Seungcheol, he wasn’t too sure about speaking with him. 

He looked at Seungcheol's smile as he answered a question from a reporter, he was surrounded by fans and paparazzi, Jihoon obviously could not approach him. He sighed and was about to turn around when he locked gazes with Seungcheol. He smiled at him and excused himself before leaving the crowd to approach Jihoon. 

“Hey, I didn’t know you would come.” 

“I just wanted to say goodbye.” Jihoon mumbled, he looked at the crowd of people, everyone was looking at them, he couldn’t do or say anything that would damage Seungcheol’s image. 

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asked when he noticed that Jihoon looked nervous. 

“Yeah, fine.” Jihoon answered, he tried to make his voice sound stable. 

Seungcheol looked behind Jihoon when he saw Mingyu, Seungkwan and Jeonghan running towards them, but stopping abruptly and bumping into each other when they saw the crowd. 

“Why did you come here?” Seungcheol asked again, he looked at Jihoon confusedly. 

“I just wanted to say goodbye.” Jihoon repeated, his voice strained, he put out his hand and Seungcheol reached for it, he closed it around the object that Jihoon had just placed in his palm. “Well, good luck.” Jihoon said, not meeting his eye, he turned around to leave. 

Seungcheol opened his hand slowly and saw the flower that he had spent all morning choosing for Jihoon all those years ago. He raised his gaze and watched him leave before he was surrounded again by the crowd, not being able to follow Jihoon. Not there. 

Jihoon kept walking even after he passed his friends, he couldn’t look them in the eye after that. He reached the car and noticed that he didn’t have the keys, so he turned around to wait for them, it was Mingyu the first one he saw leave the airport, he came running after him. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, he seemed concerned. 

Jihoon tapped his foot on the floor, his arms were crossed and he looked up at Mingyu, already feeling the tears in his eyes. He shook his head slowly and the next thing he knew he was crying against Mingyu’s chest after he hugged him. 

Jihoon couldn’t believe he had that much bad luck, still, he hoped Seungcheol understood his message and would say something to him even if it was over the phone. He knew Seungcheol got his message, just by seeing his expression after he saw the flower, he knew what it meant. But a week went by and no calls, no messages, not even a sad email. Jihoon was starting to lose hope and in consequence, his mood was worse every day. He could barely see Mingyu because he was with Seungkwan all the time now that they were dating, and Jeonghan was also with Joshua and Soonyoung was too busy with work. Even when they tried to cheer him up, it wouldn’t work. 

“Why don’t you come to the game? It’ll be the first game after the holidays, it’s going to be great.” Seungkwan suggested with a smile. 

“I don’t know Seungkwan… I’m supposed to get him out of my mind and going to see a hockey game is not going to help.” 

“I’m telling you it will, just come with me to cheer Mingyu up, he’s your friend!” Jihoon sighed when he heard that. 

“All right.” 

The deafening screams from the crowd were surely helping him not think about anything, because he couldn’t even listen to his own thoughts. Seungkwan and Jihoon were seated away from the crowd and near the team, probably seats reserved for family members, Jihoon felt proud that Mingyu considered him and Seungkwan family. 

“The lineup is different!” Seungkwan started to explain when they were announcing the lineup for the game, he always explained everything to Jihoon because he knew Jihoon barely knew a thing about hockey. “Like Seungcheol, a lot of players left for different teams but they didn’t sign a lot of rookies, they probably want a fixed lineup. Mingyu told me that he’ll probably become captain.” Seungkwan told him with a smile. 

Jihoon looked at the players and noticed that he didn’t know that many even though he hung out with the team several times. 

“It’s a small team but Mingyu really believes in it. Such a shame Seungcheol left, but he’s going to have better opportunities there. They still have Mingyu, he was the best after Seungcheol. And then Jun… That was a shame.” 

“He left too?” Jihoon asked slowly. 

“What? You haven’t heard? He injured himself, pretty badly, no one knows when he’s going to play again.” 

“No, I didn’t know, that’s really bad.” Seungkwan nodded slowly and then proceeded to explain the entire game to Jihoon. 

They won, which was not surprising, even if he didn’t know much about hockey, he knew they were good. He smiled and congratulated Mingyu after the game, everyone was celebrating so Jihoon looked at the bucket full of bottles of alcohol that they had ordered to celebrate, he grabbed one and slipped away without anyone noticing. He was starting to think too much about Seungcheol when he was surrounded by hockey players, another player had his number so Jihoon would sometimes think he was there when he actually wasn’t. 

The place was already empty, but he was used to it being empty since he was there a lot to pick Seungcheol or Mingyu up after practice. He sat down where he had been before and looked at the empty ice rink, he knew Seungcheol was never going to call him to tell him anything. He had finally made too much of a fool of himself when he tried to confess in front of so many people, Seungcheol probably was laughing at him over in Canada. He opened the bottle and started drinking even though he knew he shouldn’t. 

Jihoon looked over to his left and saw someone else sitting there, even though it was so late, it was Jun. So he got up and walked over to sit next to him. 

“Hey.” Jun mumbled when he saw Jihoon next to him, he moved his hand and offered Jun the bottle. 

“You seem like you need it.” 

“I very much do.” Jun took the bottle and drank. 

“Bad injury?” Jihoon asked, he looked at his foot, which was still in a cast. 

“I can’t play for the entire season.” 

“Tough luck.” 

“What about you?” 

“I have also the worst luck in the world.” Jihoon told him with a smile before he brought the bottle to his lips. “But why does it matter, honestly?” 

“Well, I have to go back to China,” Jun said before he reached for the bottle again. “And I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to play again, so… Basically I don’t know what’s going to happen.” 

“But why do you have to go back to China if you don’t want to?” 

“I miss my parents, and I don’t have anything here for me to stay.” 

“Then why do you not want to?” 

“Because I’m gay. Everybody knows me in my hometown, I don’t even know what will happen if someone finds out. It’s more likely to stay a secret if I’m here, and I can do what I want. I like it here too.” Jihoon knew Jun was gay, he’d told him once when Jihoon explained an anecdote about an ex-boyfriend he had during college, he supposed Jun felt comfortable about telling him those things, more than he did with his team. 

“I think that’s a decision for tomorrow,” Jihoon said, leaning back on the chair and taking a swig from the bottle. 

“That sounds about right. So what should we do tonight?” 

“Well, I was planning on getting wasted and blacking out in about half an hour.” Jihoon explained while he looked at his watch. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Jun said with a smile. 

Half an hour later they both finished the bottle, but Jihoon felt like he didn’t have enough yet. 

“I just don’t understand why they care so much.” Jun said, he seemed frustrated. “I had the excuse that I was too busy with games, but now… Now my mom is just going to find me a wife as soon as I step foot in China.” Jihoon chuckled when he heard that. “Don’t you have that problem?” 

“No, I’m out to my parents.” 

“Oh, really?” Jun asked surprised. 

“Yeah, I told them when I was in university. It was fine, thankfully. A little bit of screaming, my mom cried. But they’re fine now. So they don’t bother me with marriage, they rather prefer that I don’t have a ring on my finger so that my extended family won’t ask questions.” 

“I envy you.” Jihoon looked at him and smiled. 

“It’s fine if you’re not out yet, not everyone needs to know who you’re fucking.” 

“Well, unfortunately, no one at the moment.” 

“I would drink to that, but there’s nothing left. I feel you.” Jihoon said, moving the bottle around, they both laughed.

“I mean, we could change that.” Jun suggested, Jihoon looked at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah?” 

Before he could think about it Jun leaned in and kissed him, the bottle fell from his hands, thankfully not breaking, and he placed them on Jun’s shoulders to bring him closer, reciprocating the kiss. He knew Jun would sometimes flirt with him, but he was still so enamoured with Seungcheol he couldn’t even look at another guy. But Jun was there, and he liked him, so he lost himself in kissing him. 

“Jun?” Jeonghan asked confused after Jihoon told him they were dating. 

“Yeah.” Jihoon answered with a smile. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, of course, I wouldn’t be dating him if I wasn’t.” 

“Okay, but you told me you two just hooked up that one night you both got drunk and now you’re dating him?” 

“Okay, it’s not that hard to believe. He likes me, I like him, what’s the problem?” 

“Nothing.” Jeonghan shrugged, but Jihoon looked at him already knowing what he was thinking about. 

“Seungcheol hasn’t contacted me ever since he left. He doesn’t like me, is it so bad that I just want to move on? I like Jun.” 

“I didn’t say anything Jihoon, I’m glad you’re happy.” 

“Thank you.” 

It wasn’t hard to fall in love with Jun, he was handsome and charming, a funny guy and great company. Jihoon sometimes would feel his ribs hurt from how much he laughed when he was with him. 

“Stop, seriously.” Jihoon warned him, even though he was still laughing. 

“Leave the box, come rest with me, you must be tired.” 

“I’m really not, and I hate leaving everything so messy.” Jihoon complained, trying to get away from Jun, who was back hugging him, he looked at the living room filled with boxes and just knew he would hate to see that the next day, now that he was moving in with Jun he’d probably have to get used to everything being so messy. 

“Well don’t worry, you’ll be very tired very soon.” Jun replied with a smile before he made him drop the box and lifted him in his arms.

“Jun!” Jihoon complained, even though he was now laughing harder. 

He’d finally managed to move out of his shared apartment with Jeonghan, and Jeonghan was also pretty happy about it, now that he also had a boyfriend. Jihoon excused himself when he felt his phone vibrate, they were all sitting in his living room and Joshua was in the middle of telling a story. 

“You can’t leave, it’s the best part.” Mingyu complained when he saw Jihoon get up but he just shrugged and moved to the balcony to pick up the call, he looked at the screen and felt his heart skip a beat when he saw Seungcheol’s name. 

“Hi.” there was a moment of silence before Seungcheol answered.

“Hey.” Jihoon waited for him to say something since he was the one to call and he didn’t know what to say to him. “Did you know that ducks aren’t supposed to eat rice?” Jihoon lowered his head and laughed when he heard that.

“I think it’s a myth.” 

“Oh thank god I thought we’d kill some of them,” they both laughed, it was nice to hear Seungcheol’s laugh over the phone. “I’m here now. Near the river, I was feeding them but there’s not as many as there were back then,” he explained calmly. “It reminded me of you, that’s why I called you.” Jihoon smiled and rested his elbows on the railing. 

“So you’re back home?” 

“Yeah, visiting my mom. She’s pretty lonely.” Jihoon hummed in response, not knowing what to say. “What are you doing?” 

“I was hanging out with some friends. Mingyu’s here, do you want to talk to him?” 

“No, it’s fine, I can call him later. I guess you see him pretty often now that he’s dating Seungkwan.”

“He told you?” 

“Yeah. I’m still his best friend, you know? I know I haven’t been in contact so much, but I’ve just been so busy these last few months.” 

“I understand.” Jihoon mumbled, and he did, he saw how much Seungcheol was doing now that he was playing for a Canadian team since Jun still watched almost every hockey game that happened. 

“I miss you.” Seungcheol suddenly said under his breath, Jihoon was surprised to hear him say that. 

“I miss you too.”

He wasn’t lying, and he didn’t say it because he was still in love with him. He loved Jun. But it was so natural for him to miss Seungcheol, he’d been missing him for so many years, it just felt right to finally say those words out loud to him. 

“I wish you were here, I’m going back to Canada in two days.” 

“So soon? You should rest.” 

“It’s fine, I had a few free days, and the season is going to be over soon.” 

“You don’t think you’re going to win?” 

“They say we’re the best team, but… I don’t think there’s a team there. I’ve played with teams, and this isn't it.” 

“You don’t get along with them?” 

“I do. But the same way I got along with our classmates.” 

“Oh, I understand.” Jihoon remembered how he would only hang out with his friends from the hockey team. 

“Teamwork is important to win a game. They have so many new players, it’s difficult to get along. I want to win, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t. It’s fine, we still have next year.” 

“You still haven’t played the last few games.” Seungcheol sighed and Jihoon knew he was smiling. 

“Always so optimistic. I should call you every time I’m down.” 

“Please do.” Jihoon answered with a smile on his face. 

“I’m sorry…” Seungcheol started to say, but he stuttered and paused. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you after I left. I wanted to, I really did. But I needed some time to think and I was so busy all the time.” 

“It’s fine, I understand Seungcheol.” 

“And I…” Jihoon waited for him to continue, but Seungcheol sighed as if he was thinking of how to word his thoughts. 

“Jihoon! What are you doing? Come on!” Jeonghan called for him and he realized they’ve been talking for a while. 

“Duty calls.” Seungcheol said after he heard Jeonghan’s scream over the phone. 

“It’s fine if you want to keep talking. I’m here.” Jihoon turned around to ignore everyone in the living room. 

“No, it’s fine, go. I’ll call you, call me too. I hate when we don’t talk for such a long time.” 

“Okay.” Jihoon said with a smile. “Good luck with your games.” 

“Thank you.” Seungcheol said right before he hung up. 

“Who was it?” Mingyu asked when he finally sat down next to Jun. 

“My mom.” Jihoon lied without thinking twice about it. 

If it was just Jun, he would’ve told him it was Seungcheol. But his friends were there too, and he knew them, he couldn’t mention Seungcheol’s name without them looking at him as if he was still in love with him. With pity in their eyes. And also, Jun didn’t know about Seungcheol’s sexuality and he wasn’t about to out him, no matter how close they were. 

Seungcheol called him again a few days later. 

“I’m trying to take it easy, I trained too much back when I was in Korea.” Seungcheol explained to him while Jihoon was making dinner, his shoulder up so he held his phone against his ear. 

“That’s great, you won’t burn out.” 

“Yes, I feel like I have more energy to play.” Seungcheol replied with a smile, Jihoon smiled when he noticed how relaxed he was, compared to all the times he saw him in Korea when going out with their friends. 

“Is it pretty over there?” 

“It’s colder during the winter, which I thought was impossible coming from Korea.” Seungcheol said and made Jihoon laugh. “But it’s great, I got a place outside the city because I wanted to take a break from all the noise, so I almost live next to the woods.” 

“I can see you chopping up wood in a flannel.” 

“Oh, I have to do that actually, I don’t think with a flannel though.” they both burst out laughing when Seungcheol said that. 

“And how is your English?” 

“Way better than it was before, obviously. I mean, they say I have an accent, but obviously I would have an accent. But I speak fluently now.” 

“That’s great.” 

“Yeah, my PR team made me get Canadian citizenship because it will make a lot of paperwork easier.” 

“Oh wow, so you’re settled there.” 

“I mean, yeah, but my home is still in South Korea, you know? I’m still Korean.” 

“I hope so, you haven’t been there that long to call yourself Canadian.” 

“People are so different here, they’re really friendly and open with each other.” 

Jun came into the kitchen at that moment. 

“Seungcheol, I have to hang up. Let’s talk later.” 

“Sure! I’ll call you.” Seungcheol said before he hung up the call. 

“That was Seungcheol?” Jun asked him when he sat at the table. 

“Yeah, we were just catching up, I haven’t talked to him since he left.” 

“Really? After a year? I thought you guys talked all the time.” 

“Yeah, before he left we did, but he’s been busy and the time difference also doesn’t help.” Jun nodded slowly. 

“Is he alright?” 

“Yeah, he’s doing great.” Jihoon said with a smile and sat down next to him. 

“Good for him.” Jun approached him with a smile and kissed him. “I’m sure Canada’s great at this time of the year.” 

“Jun I am not taking vacations,” Jihoon told him while laughing, Jun had been bothering him about going on a trip together for months now. 

“Come on! Don’t you want to go visit Seungcheol? We can leave for a couple of weeks and you can forget about work.” Jun said, leaving kissed on his cheek and neck, which made Jihoon giggle. 

“No way. If we’re going on a trip we’re going to Fiji.” 

“Oh, so it’s a possibility?” Jun asked him, eyes wide now. 

“I’ll think about it!” Jun smiled at him and kissed him again, both of them forgetting about the food they had in front of them. 

Jihoon did think about it, and then he thought too much about it. The only few days he had free he went to visit his parents since he hadn’t seen them in a long time. Surprisingly, he was brave enough to tell them about Jun over dinner, since they had been dating for a year already. 

“That’s great Jihoonie.” his mom said with a smile, which made Jihoon’s nervousness leave his body, his father only smiled at him, but that was enough already. 

He was too busy to actually go on a trip with Jun and even though he wanted to, he just kept getting job offers and he didn’t want to turn them down, he loved his job too much. Jun was starting to get involved in hockey again and he stopped bothering him about that trip at one point. And Seungcheol… Seungcheol stopped calling at one point too, but this time Jihoon knew why, the phone bill was starting to get ridiculous given the fact that they were in different countries, so Jihoon forgave him for that one. He especially forgave him when he started to get letters from Seungcheol. 

“Dear Jihoon, 

Writing letters feels different, right? I thought it would be a nice way to tell you how I’m doing without pressuring you into answering immediately. I think we’re pressured now with instant messages or emails, maybe the old fashioned way isn’t as bad.” 

Jihoon smiled when he read the beginning of the first letter, and then laughed when he read how Seungcheol had gone on a hiking trip with a few friends from his team and they saw a moose, which was the worst experience ever because apparently he didn’t know they were that big. 

Jihoon answered telling him how he broke one of the keys from his piano and he had to fix it but somehow he ended up messing it further and calling a professional. They talked about everything and anything and Jihoon loved reading Seungcheol’s letters, although he hated reading what he wrote at the end of every single one of them. 

“P.S: This time I took almost an hour to read your last letter, please fix your handwriting.” 

“Well you’re taking less and less time to read them so I guess you’re getting used to it.” Jihoon replied in his next letter. 

Their letters were scarce, but that’s because they took longer to get to the other, but that made every single one so much the more special. 

“Oh my god, that’s so corny, who writes letters these days?” Jeonghan asked laughing when they were all eating together. 

“I do.” Jihoon said with a smile after he had told them that he was writing Seungcheol. 

“I think it’s sweet.” Seungkwan said, smiling too.

“I think it’s great, your phone bill has decreased significantly,” they all laughed after Jun said that. 

“Oh, right! Did you say yes Jihoon?” Mingyu asked him suddenly, Jihoon looked at him confused and then saw how Jun elbowed him on the ribs. 

“Say yes to what?” 

“I didn’t have the time to ask you, but there’s this event a few hockey players are organizing and we were wondering if you could play the piano there.” Jun asked before Jihoon was more confused. 

“Oh god I thought you were going to ask him for marriage.” Jeonghan exclaimed after he heard that. 

“Well, thank god I wasn’t because that would’ve been ruined.” he said, looking at Mingyu angrily, who just shrugged with guilt. 

“Yes, of course, just tell me the date.” he replied with a smile.

He kept thinking about that conversation even though their friends had already left their place. He was in bed with Jun, ready to go to sleep, when he turned to look at him. 

“Do you want to get married?” he asked softly, Jun looked at him with his eyes wide. 

“Are you proposing to me?” he asked him with a smile. 

“Don’t be silly, I’m just asking.” Jihoon said laughing. 

“Well, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it.” Jun responded, looking at the ceiling. “But… It would be difficult. It’s not legal here, much less in China. And even if we go to another country… We don’t have citizenship there so I don’t know how all that paperwork would work. And then… Who would come? The five friends that know about us?” Jun explained slowly. 

“You’ve thought about it…” Jihoon whispered and smiled at Jun. 

“Of course I’ve thought about it, I love you.” 

“Well, we don’t really need a dumb paper to know that.” Jihoon said with a smile before he kissed him. 

He was fine with Jun, even if almost no one knew about their relationship, he also loved him. He was happy Jun was still involved in hockey even though he wasn’t playing anymore, he knew he wouldn’t have if he had gone back to China all that time ago. He was surprised to see that the event Jun had mentioned was bigger than he imagined. A lot of famous players were there, and it was a celebration after all of them had donated a lot of money to an organisation that helped kids. 

Jihoon sat down in front of the piano and played for them one of his compositions. The room was quiet until everyone clapped vigorously after he finished playing. He got down from the stage and immediately was greeted by a lot of people congratulating him, but he was surprised to see a familiar face in the crowd.

“Hey.” Seungcheol approached him with a smile, Jihoon couldn’t help but to smile at him, it had been a while since the last time they saw each other, he remembered, the last time he saw Seungcheol was at the airport. “You were great.” 

“Thank you. I didn’t know you’d be here.” 

“I was one of the players that donated so they invited me.” 

“Since you live so far away, I thought maybe you would stay there.” 

“Oh no, I moved back to Korea. Now that the season’s over I have a lot of free time and I wanted to come back, I missed it.” 

“Really?” Seungcheol nodded with a smile, he was about to open his mouth to talk but was interrupted when Jun approached them.

“Hey Seungcheol! Long time no see.” he greeted him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hi, how are you doing? I’m really sorry about your injury by the way.” 

“It’s been rough. I was actually going to quit and go back to China, but Jihoon convinced me not to.” he explained with a smile on his face before he placed his arm around Jihoon’s shoulders. 

Jihoon moved his gaze towards Seungcheol and saw how the realisation dawned on him at that moment. 

“We’re glad to have you back.” Jun said to Seungcheol before he turned to look at Jihoon. “I’m gonna eat something and then leave, if you wanna stay it’s fine.” 

“No, I’ll go with you.” Jihoon answered. 

“Okay.” Jun left a kiss on Jihoon’s temple before he left them alone again, he took the liberty of doing that since they were standing in a far corner of the room and no one was looking over at them. 

There was a moment of awkward silence between them before Seungcheol could open his mouth and finally say something. 

“How long have you two been together?” 

“Mmh… A year? Give or take.” Jihoon lied, it had almost been two years, but he didn’t want Seungcheol to know that they started dating almost as soon as he left for Canada. 

“And no one found out?” 

“No. I mean, he told his friends, I told mine, but besides that? No, no one found out.” Seungcheol looked surprised when he heard that. “Seungcheol, I know I’m out, but I’m also not an asshole. I’m not going to ignore homophobia, you know? He’s chinese, the consequences could be a lot worse.” 

“You mean a lot worse than mine?” 

“What do you mean? You’re straight.” Seungcheol cleared his throat after Jihoon said that, suddenly aware of the conversation they were having and where they were having it. 

“I’m glad I saw you again.” 

“Me too.” Jihoon replied slowly before Seungcheol turned around and left. 

He felt weird after that conversation, but still, he didn’t have to feel bad about being with Jun, he loved him and all those months they were just writing letters, it wasn’t as if he was cheating. Jun knew they were writing letters to each other, he wasn’t mad, why did Seungcheol look mad about it? He shouldn’t be, he was the one to not contact him after the airport. Jihoon kept replaying their conversation even when he was already in his hotel room with Jun. Almost all the players would stay at the hotel where the event took place, thankfully no one had noticed that Jun and Jihoon booked the same room with just one bed. 

He kept thinking about Seungcheol even when Jun was talking to him with a smile, excited about how well the event had gone. 

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Jihoon told him, going outside, he needed a moment to be by himself. 

“Sure.” Jun mumbled distractedly while looking at his phone. 

Jihoon walked over to the elevator and went to the rooftop since he wanted to get some fresh air. He opened the door and smiled when he saw the view of the city from there. He was thankful he didn’t have a fear of heights because he got close to the edge and that was very high up. 

After a few minutes of silence he turned around when he heard the door open, thinking it was Jun looking for him, but it turned out to be Seungcheol. 

“Hey.” Seungcheol said, he looked surprised to find him there, he walked over to him.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” 

“Just came to get some air.” Seungcheol mumbled. 

“Yeah, me too, but I was going to go back already, it’s kind of cold.” Jihoon walked over to the door and tried to open it, when the door didn’t open he remembered the sign he saw when he went out: ‘This door will close behind you’. 

“What’s wrong?” Seungcheol asked, confused to still see him there. 

“Why did you close the door? Didn’t you see the sign!? We can’t get out now.” 

“What?” 

“It only opens from the inside!” Jihoon screamed at him. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.”

“I can’t fucking believe this.” Jihoon exclaimed, trying to open the door but with no luck. 

“Just call someone.” 

“I don’t have my phone here!” 

“Okay, calm down, I’ll call someone.” Seungcheol took his phone out and looked at the screen. “No service.” he mumbled.

“Fucking great, I have to be stuck here with you of all people.”

“Wait, what’s wrong with me?” 

“You…!” Jihoon screamed at him, but didn’t know what to say next, he closed his fists and grunted, frustrated. “You keep coming back to my life to ruin everything.” 

“I didn’t do anything to you.” 

“That’s the fucking problem!” 

“Jihoon you’re really confusing me here.” 

He started pacing around, seeing Seungcheol that night made him more anxious. 

“I love him, you know?” he said finally, turning to look at him. “I actually love Jun. And he loves me back. Fair, he can’t come out, but I’m not forcing him to. We can be together without anyone knowing besides our friends. We’re very happy.” 

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Seungcheol muttered. 

“Thank you!” he answered, even though he still sounded frustrated. 

“If you’re so happy then why does my presence make you so angry?” 

Jihoon looked at him and frowned, he was not about to start crying in front of him, that would be pathetic, that would be a new low. 

“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked, trying to compose himself, he kept talking even though Seungcheol had already opened his mouth to answer. “I gave you that flower because I couldn’t say anything, not with so many people around us. Because I respect your decision of not coming out. But you didn’t even have the decency to call me to reject me properly!” Seungcheol tried to answer again but Jihoon continued, getting angrier by the second. “And then you call me months later and say you miss me? And that’s it?! That’s all I get from you?! Don’t you think I at least deserve a rejection?” he really was trying not to cry. “Just break my heart already if you really want to!” 

“I don’t want to break your heart.” Seungcheol answered slowly. 

“Well you’re gonna have to do it at some point because we are never going to be together and you were the one to make that decision.” 

“I’m so sorry Jihoon.” Jihoon laughed and turned around. 

“You’re a fucking coward.” 

Seungcheol stepped closer and grabbed his arm gently, he made him turn around to look at him and raised one of his hands to caress his cheek.

“You deserve better than me.” 

“But I wanted you.” Jihoon replied, his voice was small and he was looking up at Seungcheol with sparkles in his eyes from almost crying.

“You’re happy with Jun and that’s all I need to know, Jihoon. I can’t give you that.” he explained softly. “No matter how much I try this is not something I can give you.” 

“It’s not only about me, what about you ?” 

“I’m fine.” he said with a smile. “I’ll be fine as long as I know you’re happy.” he moved his hand and pushed back Jihoon’s hair slowly before taking a step back and breaking eye contact with him. “How is he?” Seungcheol asked, walking around and looking at the skyline. 

“He’s great.” Jihoon followed him with his eyes even though Seungcheol wasn’t looking at him. 

“He really likes you, you know?” Seungcheol explained, as if Jihoon didn’t know that already. “He always asked me about you after you met him at the rink. I think he didn’t want me to find out he’s gay, so he just said that you seemed interesting. But I knew.” 

“He never told me that.” Jihoon mumbled and looked at the floor, Seungcheol turned to look at him. 

“It’s kind of embarrassing, to tell someone that you’ve loved them way before they ever noticed you.” Jihoon raised his gaze and met Seungcheol’s eyes after he said that. “I would know.” he whispered, not thinking Jihoon would hear him, but he did. 

“I told my parents about him, they’re happy. But they haven’t met him yet.” Jihoon said, looking away and sighing.

“I’m not surprised.” 

“They should tho. It’s been a year. I mean, I know we can’t be in a proper long term relationship, but if anything can be that, I think this is it.”

“What do you mean you can’t...?” 

“Marriage.” Jihoon answered with a smile after he looked at him. 

“After a year? You’re fast Jihoon.” 

“I guess anyone fantasizes about that when you’re in love.” Jihoon shrugged. “Don’t you?” 

“I guess.” Seungcheol smiled at him softly, Jihoon didn’t realize until that moment how much he missed his smile. “But then I would have to get a girlfriend.”

“No boyfriends?” Jihoon teased. 

“I’m straight.” Seungcheol answered as if it was the easiest thing to say for him. “And even if I wasn’t I couldn’t get married. None of us could.” 

“Actually, Jun and I can’t, but you, on the other hand, you can .” 

“What?” 

“You have canadian citizenship. It’s legal there.” Jihoon smiled when he saw the realization on Seungcheol’s face. “I’m starting to think it’s not your sport and you are actually the homophobic one.”

“Jihoon, I’m…”

“I know, I was just teasing.” Jihoon corrected himself, Seungcheol smiled at him. “You used to smile so much, why do I feel like you don’t anymore?” 

“I grew up.” 

“That’s not an excuse.” 

Seungcheol smiled softly at him, as if he missed smiling like he did before, like he missed something, a nostalgic smile. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped when he heard a noise. 

“Jihoon?” Jun asked after he opened the door. 

“Don’t close the door!” Jihoon warned him before he took a step further. 

“I thought you got lost or something.” Seungcheol and Jihoon walked to the door. 

“The door closed behind me and I didn’t know it wouldn’t open.” he explained as he went inside the building, followed by Seungcheol. 

“What were you both doing outside?” 

“I just wanted to have some air.” Jihoon replied, Jun placed his arm around his shoulders to warm him up. 

“Same thing.” Seungcheol answered. “I should go, I’m tired.” he turned around before any of them could say anything to him and walked through the hallway until he reached the stairs. 

“Let’s go.” Jun whispered, he placed a kiss on Jihoon’s forehead before they started walking to their room. 

Jihoon looked in his mail almost every day, hoping to find a letter from Seungcheol, but he didn’t get any, he didn’t get any news from Seungcheol. He felt guilty about what he told him, but he guessed seeing him again made him want to have answers, answers he didn’t get in the end. So now he felt guilty that he had pushed Seungcheol. 

“Dear Seungcheol, 

I’m sorry I talked to you that way, you have been one of the most important persons in my life. I would be devastated if I lost you again. I hope you’re doing fine. 

Love, Jihoon.” 

He only got a response a month later, when his heart skipped a beat and he tried to contain himself when he saw Seungcheol’s handwriting on an envelope. He opened it immediately to read it. 

“Dear Jihoon, 

I could never be mad at you. You are also the most important person in my life, I hope you’re happy.

Love, Seungcheol.” 

“That’s it….?” he mumbled after he read the tiny letter. “He could have texted me for this.” Jihoon grumbled and went outside to go to work. 

Seungcheol was in Canada at the moment, he’d been coming back intermittently. He had a house in Toronto and another one in Seoul, but he hadn’t seen Jihoon ever since their fight on the rooftop. 

“He’s still attached to Seoul.” Mingyu told him one time they were talking about Seungcheol.

“Yeah, his mom must miss him.” 

“No, his mom is in Daegu but his house is here, in Seoul.” Jihoon raised his head to look at him.

“What are you trying to say?” 

“He really misses you Jihoon.” 

“Well he hasn’t asked me to go out, not a single time since he’s here. So he probably doesn’t.” 

“After what happened…? He thinks you’re uncomfortable around him. You told him he ruins your life.” 

“I already said I’m sorry! And I’m with Jun now.” 

“So? He needs you as a friend.” 

Jihoon bit his lip and changed the subject, but Mingyu’s words didn’t leave his head for a few days, he saw that Seungcheol was in Seoul again for a couple of weeks. So he decided he was going to call him and ask him if he wanted to go out with him some time. Still, he was pretty busy and kept putting out the phone call, the day he decided he was going to call him after work he stopped at a street stand to buy a coffee.

“Yes, just that, thank you.” Jihoon told the man with a smile, he looked at the magazines absentmindedly while he waited for his coffee and opened his eyes in surprise when he saw Seungcheol’s face on the cover of one of the magazines, he read the headline and felt his breath catch in his throat. “He’s getting married.” he whispered, grabbing the magazine and looking at the pretty girl by his side, he was smiling. 

“Yes! Good news right?” the man said with a smile when he gave him his coffee, Jihoon frowned and felt the anger fill his mind. 

“I hope he dies.” he said, gripping the cup a little bit too strongly. 

“Wow, not a fan of his team I guess.” 

Jihoon wasn’t listening at that point he let out a frustrated scream and threw the magazine where it was before storming off. 

“Have a nice day!” the man screamed after he left. 

“He’s getting married!” Jihoon screamed over the phone when he was talking to Mingyu. 

“Why are you so mad? I thought you wanted to just be friends.” 

“Yes, I know, I know. But he… If I’m his friend he could have told me! Why should I find out through a magazine? I feel like he’s too up there for me to reach.” 

“You have to admit he’s a celebrity now.” 

“Did he tell you?!” 

“He asked me to be his best man…” 

“Amazing! ‘Most important person in my life’? Bullshit! Why am I the last person to find out?” Mingyu took a breath and was about to say something but Jihoon stopped him. “And who is that girl? I have never seen her in my life.” 

“No way, that’s Nayeon, she’s a really famous actress and model, how do you not know there had been dating rumours between them?” 

“Uh… I guess I’m not as up to date as I thought I was…” Jihoon mumbled slowly. “But marriage? Isn’t that too fast? Just a few months ago he was telling me how he hadn’t thought about marriage because he doesn’t have a girlfriend. And now he’s getting married?! He’s insane!” 

“Jihoon, will you believe me if I tell you something…?” Mingyu muttered. 

“What?” 

“He’s actually happy.” 

Jihoon didn’t know why even when Mingyu said that, he was still not convinced. Seungcheol was happy about him and Jun, why couldn’t he be happy about Seungcheol too? Was he that selfish? 

He obviously didn’t tell Jun about his frustration and just talked about the wedding, Jun was also surprised that Jihoon hadn’t gotten at least an invite. Which made Jihoon angrier, until he got a call a few weeks later while he was sitting in front of his piano, looking at some sheets distractedly. 

Jihoon grabbed his phone and took the call without even looking at the screen. 

“Yes?” he answered absentmindedly while he flipped through the pages of his notebook. 

“Hey Jihoon.” he froze when he heard that familiar deep voice. 

“Seungcheol.” he said, suddenly too nervous to remember what he was doing before. 

“Hey, I… Sorry I didn’t keep in touch with you.” 

“It’s fine… Congratulations about the wedding by the way, I saw it on the news.” he said, trying to sound as calm as he could. 

“Yeah, that’s why…” he stopped talking and Jihoon heard another voice on the other side of the line, Seungcheol said something and suddenly Seungcheol wasn’t on the phone anymore. 

“Hi! Jihoon, right?” Jihoon heard a female voice. 

“Yes, and you must be Nayeon, hi.” 

“It’s so nice to finally talk to you, Seungcheol talks a lot about you.” 

“Does he?” Jihoon muttered and gulped out of nervousness. 

“Yeah, always says that you’re the best musician he’s ever met.” 

“Right.” 

“But I know he’s too shy to say that to you, so I wanted to ask you if you wanted to play at our wedding?” 

“Uh…” Jihoon took a moment to understand what she had just said. 

“You don’t have to answer now, the wedding isn’t until next year, so you probably don’t know if you’ll be free that day. But it would make us so happy if you were there.” 

“Uhmm… I think I can make it, yeah.” 

“Great! We’ll send you the details, thank you so much Jihoon.” he could almost hear her smile through her words. 

“Thank you for inviting me.” before Jihoon hung up the call Seungcheol picked up the phone again. 

“Jihoon… You really don’t have to…” he started to say.

“It’s fine. I’ll be there, it’s your wedding, it’s an important date.” 

“I appreciate it.” Seungcheol said softly, although Jihoon knew it was a lie. “Nayeon will send you the details, it’s just for the reception.”

“Yes, I figured, don’t worry I won’t be at the ceremony. I won’t crash your wedding Seungcheol.” he replied angrily, although he didn’t think it would translate well over the phone. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…” 

“I’ll see you at the wedding.” Jihoon said before he hung up the phone. 

He got a letter a week later. 

“Dear Jihoon, 

I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m sorry.

Love, Seungcheol.” 

He smiled at the little paper and answered him immediately. 

“Dear Seungcheol, 

I guess we’re even now. Just want you to know that you will never ruin my life. Well, probably if you stopped talking to me. So please, I know you’re busy, but I miss your letters. Tell me, how is she?

Love, Jihoon.” 

“Dear Jihoon, 

I would never do that to you. She’s great. She’s really funny, I think you two would get along. I told her we should meet to talk about the songs, but she’s just so busy planning the wedding. I still can’t believe that cream-colored invites with a golden writing and white invites with a golden writing are different, but oh well, she’s happy. I met her through a friend in common and we clicked really fast. I know it’s short notice, you were probably confused after our conversation on the roof. But I thought about your words, and you’re right, when you’re in love you just know. 

Love, Seungcheol.” 

Jihoon smiled, but he didn’t understand why he was crying.

“P.S: I’m staying in Korea! Permanently :) My contract in Toronto is done and I decided to not renew it. My life is here, I’m going to take a short break from hockey to focus on her, but I already have a few offers from Korean teams.” 

If he was sobbing while he wrote ‘I’m happy for you’ in his response, he would keep it to himself. 

They kept writing to each other in the months leading up to the wedding, even when they couldn’t see each other because they were both so busy, Jihoon felt like he could finally be friends with him. He was happy for him, he was happy he had found love and he was happy he was taking a break finally. He smiled at Jun when he got home, Jun on the other hand had signed with Mingyu’s team, which was now at the top of the league now that Mingyu was the captain. He was happy to see him play again after all those years of recovery. 

“You know you can call him, right? He’s not leaving Seoul now.” Jun said with a smile after he kissed him and noticed that Jihoon was writing a letter to Seungcheol. 

“I just like it, it’s really nice to take time off my day to write to him and tell him what I’m up to. And I also like reading his letters. He talks about Nayeon non-stop.” 

“Ah, the honeymoon phase, he must be happy.” Jun said laughing as he walked towards the kitchen. 

Jihoon looked over at Jun’s phone when it lit up, he didn’t even bother to check the name because Jun had his phone in Chinese so he couldn’t even understand it. 

“Someone texted you.” he told him before he looked back to the paper. 

Jun came from the kitchen to grab his phone and look at it, Jihoon raised his head curiously when he heard him gasp.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, just… A friend I haven’t seen in years just texted me.” Jun said with a smile on his face.

“Really? What did he say?” 

“He said he’s coming to Seoul for a while and he wants to see me.” 

“That’s great.” Jihoon mumbled and went back to work. 

For the next few days Jun couldn’t stop talking about his friend Minghao, who apparently was his best friend in high school but they lost contact when Jun moved to Seoul to play. Jihoon wasn’t too sure about meeting him because they were together and he didn’t know if this friend knew Jun was gay, but Jun was just so excited to introduce them Jihoon just went along with it.

“Hi.” Minghao looked at Jihoon with a bright smile when they met to have dinner the three of them, Minghao was staying for just a few days and he was there for work so he didn’t have a lot of free time, still, he found time to have dinner with them before he left and went back to China. 

Jihoon was surprised to find out that Minghao spoke perfect Korean, maybe with a little bit of an accent but that was understandable. Jun didn’t tell him that Jihoon was his boyfriend and just introduced him as his friend, which was fine by Jihoon since he probably didn’t know Jun was gay and he didn’t want to be in an uncomfortable situation. 

“He used to be such a weirdo in high school, I don’t even know why I used to hang out with him.” Jihoon laughed when Minghao explained that to him.

“Used to be? He still is.” Minghao burst out laughing, they were being pretty noisy and some people were looking at them annoyed but they were having so much fun they just didn’t care. 

They told a lot of anecdotes from high school to Jihoon, one more funny than the other. Jihoon told a few things to Minghao about how Jun was now. They only left when the restaurant was already closing up and they ended up walking Minghao to his hotel. 

“It was so nice seeing you again Jun.” Minghao told him with a smile when they were saying their goodbyes. 

“Yeah, I missed you.” Jun approached him and he hugged him. 

“Let’s keep in contact, I hate that we’re not talking anymore.” Minghao said against his shoulder.

“Yes, please come to Korea more often.” 

“Maybe I’ll come when I have time for vacation.” Jun nodded with a smile after they parted. “It was really nice meeting you Jihoon.” 

“It was nice meeting you too.” Jihoon said with a smile, they both waved at him goodbye before he closed the door of the hotel after entering. 

Jihoon didn’t even have to turn to look at Jun’s smile on his face and how he hadn’t moved his eyes away from the door Minghao had just closed behind him.

“You love him, don’t you?” Jihoon asked softly, Jun turned to look at him surprised. 

“What? Jihoon…” 

“Don’t lie to me.” he said before he could continue, Jun sighed and looked at the floor.

“Is it that obvious?” 

“Not really.” Jihoon shrugged and looked at the door. “You just look like old friends.” 

“Then how do you know?” 

“I know how your eyes are supposed to look when you love someone you’re not supposed to love.” he mumbled softly. 

“Jihoon this doesn’t mean…” Jun approached him but Jihoon turned around to start walking. 

“Don’t touch me.” Jihoon was mad, how can he not be? He had just found out that his boyfriend was in love with someone else. Even if he hadn’t cheated, it still hurt. 

“What? Are you actually mad?” Jun tried to reason with him while he walked behind him, it was late at night so the streets were empty.

“How do you expect me to feel? You invite me to dinner with the guy you’ve probably been in love with for years now and you expect me to just accept that I’m going to be second best?” Jihoon replied angrily, walking faster now. 

“I can’t be with him Jihoon, it doesn’t matter, I’m with you now.” 

“Not for much longer…” Jihoon mumbled. 

“What? Are you breaking up with me?” 

“Yes!”

“I can’t be with him! I will never be able to be with him, is it that bad that I still feel something for him? It’s you the one I love.” 

“Don’t lie to yourself.” 

“It’s true! I love you Jihoon.” 

“I know that, and I love you too.” Jihoon stopped and turned to look at him. “But don’t lie to yourself saying that you will never be able to be together when you haven’t even confessed your feelings.” 

“I can’t do that!” Jihoon sighed and guessed that if he was going to break up with Jun he might as well just say it.

“Are you that blind?! He obviously likes you back!”

“What?” 

“I’m not dumb, I noticed you love him and you were the one actually being discreet about it. He kept talking about you and how much he admires you all the time. For god’s sake he said ‘I’ve never had a friendship like the one I’ve had with Jun’, did you not really think that it’s been years and if your relationship was like any other friendship he would have found a friend to replace you?” 

Jun looked at Jihoon confused and surprised at the same time, playing in his head the events of that night. He looked at Jihoon in the eyes before he spoke.

“I’m with you even though you’re still in love with Seungcheol.” Jihoon looked at him surprised when he heard that, he suddenly felt his throat close up and his eyes sting. 

“And what do you want me to do?” he said, voice broken already. “I’ve already tried everything. I’ve confessed, I dated him, I confessed again.” 

“You dated? Confessed?” 

“Yes! Why do you think I was so heartbroken the night we got together? He had just left and hadn’t called me back even though I let him know about my feelings.” 

“So I was just the second best option.” Jun said, he sounded truly hurt.

“And I’m yours!” Jihoon screamed at him. “The only difference is that I actually have no chance with him and you do .” 

“Jihoon, I can’t.” 

“I love you Jun.” Jihoon stepped closer and placed his hands on his chest. “But I am not going to hold you back when I know you have the chance I never had.” he was trying not to cry at that point. 

“We could be happy together.” Jun said, he was crying. 

“Not as happy as you would be with him.” 

“What can I do then?” 

“Tell him.” 

“What if he doesn’t love me back? Then we’re both back at square one and we’ll be miserable without the other.” 

“I don’t think he’ll say no to you Jun. But if it happens… It’s still our home.” 

Jun leaned in to kiss him, but Jihoon moved his face away.

“Don’t.” 

Jun slept on the couch that night, and Jihoon found himself dialing the one number that had been his comfort throughout those years. 

“Yes?” Mingyu asked sleepily. 

“I broke up with Jun.” Jihoon said between sobs. 

“What?” Mingyu asked surprised, he heard some movement from his side of the call and he guessed Mingyu had just woken up and he wanted to get out of the room so he wouldn’t disturb Seungkwan. “What happened?” 

“Remember that friend that was visiting?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, we went to have dinner and…” Jihoon sobbed, unable to explain clearly to Mingyu what had actually happened that night, Jun was fast asleep in the living room so he couldn’t hear anything Jihoon said. “You should have seen the way they looked at each other and how they talked about each other, I felt like I was the third wheel.” there was a pause before Mingyu said anything. 

“I am so sorry that happened to you Jihoon.” he whispered, he truly sounded sorry for him, Jihoon knew that Mingyu was also tired of Jihoon getting his heart broken over and over again and he also wanted him to find someone who he could settle with. “So you broke up with him?” 

“I can’t be with him when I know he would be happier with someone else. It’s as if he knew I had a chance with Seungcheol and still held onto me. It’s not fair.” 

“Yes…” 

“I’m so tired Mingyu…” Jihoon tried to wipe his tears away. 

“I know Jihoon, I know.” Mingyu whispered. “What is he going to do now?” 

“He’s going to stay here for a while. But I told him to go to China and just confess to him because his friend loves him too.” 

“You have such a good soul Jihoon, I’m sure you’ll find someone at some point.” 

“Thanks Mingyu.” Jihoon whispered, feeling a little bit better after hearing Mingyu’s voice over the phone. 

“What do you say we pick you up tomorrow and you come with us?” 

“You’re going to Jeju…” 

“Yes I know, but it’ll be good for you to take your mind off of things and I don’t think it would be a good idea to stay there if Jun is going to stay too.” Jihoon thought about it for a moment before he answered.

“All right, I’ll pack my bags.” 

Jihoon thought maybe Seungkwan would be mad he was tagging along with him and his boyfriend on their trip. But surprisingly Seungkwan was really happy to know that Jihoon was coming too and when they got to Jeju he did not shy away from dragging Jihoon across the place to do touristy things. Jihoon was tired but at least he hadn’t thought about Jun or Seungcheol or any other problems he had. Mingyu looked at him with pity when he saw him return with Seungkwan from one of his hiking trips and he was completely exhausted, Mingyu would usually just stay at home and cook with Seungkwan’s mom, who was incredibly fond of Mingyu and knew of their relationship. 

By the time he came back home two weeks later he saw Jun’s luggage on the front door next to the shoes. 

“Hello?” he asked carefully. 

“Oh, you’re back.” Jun greeted him appearing in the hallway.

“You’re still here?” Jihoon asked in disbelief. 

“I actually…” Jun started to explain, visibly embarrassed. “I packed my bags not long after you left, but I haven’t mustered up the courage to leave for China.” 

Jihon rolled his eyes and left his luggage at the front door before he went straight to open his computer. 

“What are you doing?” Jun asked, confused. 

“Having the courage you don’t have.” Jihoon mumbled as he bought a plane ticket for the next day. 

“Thank you Jihoon.” Jun whispered, placing his hands on his shoulders. 

“Don’t thank me, I used your credit card and it wouldn’t have been so expensive if you weren’t such a coward and bought it in advance.” Jun laughed when he heard that. 

Jihoon didn’t feel uncomfortable around Jun, even though he was the one to break up, he knew they weren’t together but it didn’t feel that bad to be around him. He explained his trip to Jeju to Jun and they talked over dinner while they laughed. Jihoon felt like he could still be friends with Jun even though they weren’t going to be together. That’s why the next day he got up early and told him he was going to take him to the airport. 

“Thank you Jihoon.” Jun whispered when Jihoon took out his luggage from the car. 

“Don’t thank me, I’m just here to make sure you get on that plane.” Jihoon replied with a smile, which made Jun laugh. 

“I guess this is goodbye.” Jun said after he had checked in and he had to go through security. 

“Oh my god, don’t be such a drama queen, just leave already.” Jun smiled at him and turned around to leave but stopped mid-way. 

“Oh, right. I have something that’s yours.” Jun turned around and looked in his pockets, Jihoon looked at him confused. “Here.” he said, giving him a letter that was already open. 

Jihoon grabbed it and looked at the handwriting on the envelope with his name in it. 

“It’s from Seungcheol.” he said surprised. “When did you get this?” 

“Two...Three years ago? Short after we moved in together.” Jun answered, he seemed ashamed.

“Why- Why did you keep it from me?”

“We were together. Once you read the letter you’ll understand why I never gave it to you. It was selfish of me, I know, I’m sorry. But I was sure you were the one, I didn’t want you to… I’m so sorry Jihoon.” Jihoon didn’t say anything back, he was too stunned by the situation. “I have to leave, good luck.” he approached him and hugged him before he turned around to leave. 

Jihoon moved his gaze to the paper in his hands, it was crumpled from all the time that had been kept wherever Jun was hiding it from him. He carefully took out the paper from the envelope, he was too nervous to read the letter, but still, he read it without moving from where he was standing in the airport.

“Dear Jihoon, 

I’m sitting here, in front of the river in our hometown, there’s not as many ducks as there was before, but they still love rice. I’m sure they would like your rice better. I miss you. I know I already said that over the phone, but I haven’t said it for so long I feel like I should make up for all the times that I should’ve said it. I wish you’d be here, I have to leave for Canada in just two days, I wish I could see you more often.

I miss you so much it hurts. I think about you all the time, I wonder where you are or who you’re with. I wonder if you’re happy or if I hurt you too much. I wish I was the one to make you happy, really happy. We were happy back then, right? Sometimes I wish we could go back in time and freeze in that moment, when we were alone, and no one was judging us, and we were happy. 

You’re probably happy without me, but I don’t think I’m happy without you. I am so sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused you, I should’ve been better for you. You deserve someone that loves you, truly loves you. Even if I am that person, I don’t think I can be good for you. My world is not for us, it’s not a place where we can be happy together, and I know that, I hope you know that. 

I hope one day you can forgive me, for causing you all this pain when all I ever wanted was to make you happy. I still have your flower. I still love you.

Sincerely yours, 

Seungcheol.”

Jihoon didn’t notice he was crying until one tear fell on the paper and he quickly wiped them away before anyone could notice. He unconsciously reached for his phone in his pocket and before he could think twice about it he had it against his ear and he was calling Seungcheol. 

“Hello?” Jihoon felt like he wanted to cry when he heard Nayeon’s voice. 

“Hi Nayeon, I didn’t think you would pick up.” 

“Jihoon! Hi, yeah, Seungcheol is showering and I thought it was a business call.” 

“No, I…” he started to say, but he didn’t actually know why he was calling Seungcheol, what would he tell him? He got distracted when he heard Nayeon say something, but she wasn’t talking to him. 

“Jihoon, hi.” he felt his heart skip a beat when he heard Seungcheol’s deep voice over the phone. “What’s wrong?” 

“I… I’m sorry I called you, I…” he was now sobbing and Seungcheol noticed. 

“No, no, it’s fine, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” 

“I just… I broke up with Jun,” he finally said. 

“Oh Jihoon, I’m so sorry about that.” Seungcheol said slowly. “What happened?” 

“He just didn’t love me enough,” he whispered. “He didn’t give me enough flowers,” he continued, his voice cracking. “He loved someone else, but I guess that’s fine since I do too.” 

Seungcheol didn’t respond, but he could hear him breathe slowly. They were both quiet for a few moments, in which Jihoon tried to stop crying and wiped away his tears until he was finally calm enough. 

“I’m so sorry I called you, I guess I just wanted to hear a friend’s voice. You’re getting married, I don’t even know what I’m saying.” 

“Jihoon, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I really wanted you to be happy.” 

“I know, I know.” he whispered slowly. “I-I’ll see you at the wedding! Please tell Nayeon that I already sent her some of my songs, she can choose whichever she likes best.” 

“Jihoon, do you want me to go get you? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I broke up with him like two weeks ago actually, I just didn’t tell you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Seungcheol didn’t respond, but he sounded worried. “Are you happy?” he finally asked, a genuine question he now wondered after reading his letter. 

“As much as I can be.” Seungcheol answered after a moment of silence. 

“Is that enough?” 

“I wouldn’t know.” 

“Do you think you’ll be happier once you’re married?” 

“She… She’s great Jihoon.” 

“I know she is, I didn’t ask that.” 

“I don’t know, I’ve never been married before.” 

“I hope you’re making the right decision Seungcheol.” he muttered under his breath. “I really do hope you’re happier every day you spend with her.” he hung up before Seungcheol could say anything else. 

He looked at the black screen and then raised his head to see if he could still see Jun, the line was long so he hadn’t gone through security and he could still see him. He typed again and raised the phone to his ear, Jun was quick to pick it up and as soon as he did he looked for Jihoon in the crowd.

“Hey.” Jun said when he finally looked at him even though they were too far apart. 

“I had a chance with him.” Jihoon whispered as he started crying again. “I had a chance with him and you still held onto me. How could you do that to me?” 

“Jihoon, I told you, I wanted to be with you.” 

“Don’t you think I wanted to be with you when I noticed that you loved Minghao?” he replied angrily. “I still let you go because I knew you had a chance to be happier with another person, that doesn’t mean I loved you any less.” 

“Jihoon, I…” 

“He’s getting married, Jun.” Jihoon cut him abruptly. “He’s getting married next week and I will never have a chance with him again.” Jun looked at him without knowing what to say. “I had a chance.” Jihoon whispered. 

“I am so sorry Jihoon.” 

“I don’t think I will ever forgive you.” he replied softly before he hung up the call and turned around to leave the airport.

Seungcheol looked at the screen of his phone, now black. He had walked to the kitchen because he didn’t want Nayeon to hear their conversation, he was still just in his towel and his hair was wet, he’d gotten out of the shower as soon as he heard Nayeon say Jihoon’s name. He didn’t understand that call, Jihoon confused him so much, but he probably confused Jihoon too during all those years. He placed his elbows on the counter and buried his face on his hands. He let out a long sigh before he realized he was crying. 

Jihoon just knew what to say to make him weak. Did he know what it was truly like to be happy? He did, he was happy, but it was a long time ago, or as Jihoon called it one time ‘a lifetime ago’. 

“Hey, what did he need?” Nayeon asked distractedly, Seungcheol raised his head quickly and turned around, he opened the fridge and wiped his tears away. 

“Nothing, he said he sent you some of his songs so that you can choose which one you like.”

“Oh, I know, I listened to them. They’re just so wonderful I don’t know which one to choose for our first dance, I think I’m just going to tell him that he can play whichever one he thinks it’s the best.” Seungcheol nodded slowly and looked at the fridge as if he was looking for something, he still didn’t feel like facing Nayeon, but she approached him and placed her arms around his waist to hug him. “I’m glad he said yes, I know how much you admire him…” she rested her chin on his shoulder and tried to look at him. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked when she noticed that he looked like he’d been crying. 

“Mh? Nothing, I’m fine.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yes.” Seungcheol closed the fridge without picking anything and walked away. 

“He sounded distraught over the phone, are you sure that’s the only thing he told you?” 

“I think you can forget about his plus one, he broke up with his boyfriend.” Seungcheol told her while he walked to their room to get changed. 

“Boyfriend? You didn’t tell me he was gay.” 

“Is that a problem?” 

“No, not at all, I’m just… surprised.” Nayeon leaned on the door frame, Seungcheol was still facing the other way as they talked. 

“Why?” 

“I didn’t think you’d be friends with someone gay.” 

“Why did you think that? I know Jihoon since we were fifteen years old.” 

“Yes but… You kind of avoid it.” Nayeon said, Seungcheol finally turned to look at her confused. 

“What?” 

“Like… When we watch movies where there’s a gay character you don’t want to finish it. Or when I introduced you to my friend from work and you noticed he was gay, you were kind of rude to him.” 

“Are you calling me homophobic?” 

“Aren’t you?” 

“No! Of course not.” Seungcheol answered, Nayeon was surprised at how mad Seungcheol had gotten with that conversation. “Mingyu’s gay, he’s my best friend.”

“You haven’t met him a lot ever since he started dating that guy.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Actually, you’ve been avoiding them a lot, Mingyu, Seungkwan, Jeonghan, was it? He also has a boyfriend, right? And now Jihoon… You actually didn’t want him to play at our wedding. Are you uncomfortable around them?” 

“Nayeon I am not homophobic, it’s just a coincidence. I’ve been really busy.” he tried to reason with her. 

“Seungcheol, I don’t know why you’re getting so mad about this. It’s fine, most Korean men I know are pretty uncomfortable being around gay people.” 

“I’m getting mad because it’s not true.” 

“Seungcheol, it’s fine if you feel uncomfortable, but you have to understand, it’s not like it was before. There’s a lot of lgbt friendly hockey players.” 

“Why does everyone have to talk about this?” he exclaimed, now actually angry, Nayeon looked at him surprised. “Why is it so fucking important that gay people are being accepted now? They weren’t when I was in university! Why should I care?! What does it have to do with me?!” 

“Nothing, I guess.” she mumbled, taken aback by the response. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scream at you.” 

“It’s fine.” she whispered as she turned around and left him alone.

He let out a long sigh of frustration and sat on the bed, burying his face on his hands. 

“And besides, Mingyu’s coming to our wedding with Seungkwan!” he screamed back, but he didn’t get a response. 

Seungcheol thought about Jihoon everyday until the wedding came, but his thoughts were always filled with Jihoon so he didn’t find it weird. He looked at Nayeon in that gorgeous white dress that she had spent months picking out and smiled at her as he said ‘I do’ . It wasn’t a fake smile, he was happy, he looked at Mingyu with a smile when they got out of the church and Mingyu returned that smile with a pat on the back. 

Even if he was supposed to be happy the day of his wedding, he was allowed to be tired after greeting so many people he hadn’t seen in so long. 

“Do you know where Jihoon is?” he asked Seokmin, the organizer of the wedding. 

“He’s getting ready, why?” 

“Nothing, I just wanted to see him before the first dance.” 

“It’s going to be fine,” Nayeon assured him with a smile and a hand on his chest. “I ordered the best piano for him.” 

“I’m just tired of greeting so many people, I wanted to see a friendly face. I haven’t seen him in months.” Seungcheol told her calmly with a smile.

“Sure, let’s go. I also want to meet him.” Nayeon told him with a smile, she seemed so happy. 

They walked out of the reception and went to where Seokmin had told them Jihoon was. 

“Remind me I need to give Seokmin’s number to Soonyoung, they’ve been flirting since the wedding started.”

“Oh no, keep Soonyoung away from the alcohol then, he has as bad a tolerance as Jihoon.” 

“Jihoon’s bad with alcohol?” Seungcheol’s smile wiped away from his face when he remembered Jihoon’s drunk kiss almost ten years ago. 

“Yes, really bad.” he mumbled softly. 

Nayeon knocked on the door, the wedding reception was in a hotel and Jihoon was given a room to get changed since he didn’t attend the ceremony.

“Come in.” he heard Jihoon’s soft voice on the other side of the room, Nayeon opened it slowly. 

“Hey.” she greeted him with a smile. 

“Hi, I wasn’t expecting you.” Jihoon told them with a smile. 

“Seungcheol was getting nervous and he said he wanted to see you, and I also wanted to meet you finally.” Nayeon smiled at him and approached him to hug him tightly, Jihoon smiled and reciprocated the hug. “Thank you so much for playing at our wedding, I’m now a big fan of your work.” Jihoon laughed at that, and Nayeon looked at Seungcheol almost expecting him to greet Jihoon too. 

“It’s nice seeing you again.” Jihoon said softly with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you.” Seungcheol said, trying to smile at him. 

At that moment the door opened and Seokmin came in. 

“Let’s go guys, you have to go to the reception and do the first dance.” he ushered them outside, Jihoon too. 

Jihoon had to follow Seokmin to another door that went into the stage, he walked to the piano and saw Seungcheol and Nayeon at the entrance holding hands. He bowed and everyone clapped lightly before he sat down in front of the piano. 

Seungcheol looked at Nayeon with a smile on his face and took her hand gently to guide her to the dance floor. Everyone was looking at them and she looked so pretty. Jihoon looked at them before turning to look at the piano in front of him, he waited until they were both in the middle of the dancefloor and the lights were dimmed. He placed his fingers lightly on the keys and started playing one of his songs, slow, just like Nayeon requested. He looked at them start dancing slowly and everyone smiling at the newlyweds. 

He looked straight ahead while playing the piano and then closed his eyes when he felt the tears well up in his eyes. His fingers slid against the keys and in the middle of the song he started playing an all too familiar melody, without even noticing, one of the notes sounded familiar and his fingers moved by instinct. He continued to play the song smoothly with his eyes closed, because he couldn’t bear to see Seungcheol dance with her. But he stopped when he heard murmurs in the crowd, he opened his eyes curiously and looked at the dancefloor, he was surprised to see that Seungcheol wasn’t dancing anymore and Nayeon was looking at him confused. 

Jihoon was too far away to hear anything he said, but he saw Seungcheol excuse himself before he left the room, leaving everyone, including Jihoon, in disbelief. He looked back at Nayeon and how everyone came to ask her what happened or to comfort her. His gaze moved through the crowd when he saw someone calling for his attention, it was Mingyu, making exaggerated gestures so that he would follow Seungcheol. 

He got up before thinking twice about it and walked out of the room without anyone noticing. The hallway was empty and he didn’t know which way Seungcheol had gone. He walked around for a bit, calling out his name to see if he would find him, he walked up the stairs, seeing as it was the only other place he could have gone, and ended up on the rooftop. 

“Seungcheol?” he asked after he opened the door and felt the cold air of the night against his skin. 

“Why did you play that song?” Seungcheol asked him, he was looking at the city with his elbows resting on the brick. 

“I don’t know…” Jihoon mumbled, they both knew it was the song Jihoon composed for Seungcheol’s birthday when they were dating. “It felt right, and… I didn’t think you would recognize it.” 

“Why would I ever forget that song?” Seungcheol asked, he turned around to look at him. 

“Because it’s not important. Just like our relationship.” Jihoon answered without missing a beat. 

Seungcheol looked at him in the eyes and Jihoon tried to decipher all the emotions that went through his head, he was clearly conflicted, but Jihoon didn’t know what to say to make everything right again.

“Your wife is waiting for you.” Jihoon told him, even though it hurt him to say that, when Seungcheol didn’t respond, he turned around to leave. 

“I can’t ignore you anymore.” Seungcheol finally said, Jihoon stopped when he heard that and turned around to look at him. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’ve been trying to forget you, all these years. I tried dating every girl that seemed perfect because, you know, she’s perfect, I must be happy with her.” Seungcheol began to explain. “But forgetting you was the hard part, even though it was so long ago. If I forgot about you that would mean that I could finally be at peace dating whatever girl I wanted to date.” 

“And why can’t you forget about me?” 

“I can ignore the attraction, I can suppress the thoughts… But you… All these years you’ve always been my last hope…” he paused, as if he was debating on whether to keep going or not. “My last hope of finally accepting that… That I’m gay.” Jihoon looked at him in the eyes and decided not to say anything yet because Seungcheol kept stuttering and pausing. “I’ve lived my entire life repressed because everyone said it was wrong and I knew I would ruin my career if I actually accepted my sexuality. And now everyone’s coming out, and everything is fine and now I’m seen as the homophobic one when in reality I just want…” Seungcheol stopped when his voice cracked, he was crying and Jihoon was surprised to hear everything he had to say. “I feel like I’ve missed my chance.”

“Seungcheol, no.” Jihoon said, taking a step forward. “Don’t feel that way, it’s completely normal to be scared because people made you feel like you had to be scared of who you are.” he continued slowly. “Everyone comes out at their own pace, just because I was out after I dated you doesn’t mean you have to be too, because we didn’t live the same experiences. While I was in the city experiencing things and not being judged for it, you were still back home. I don’t blame you Seungcheol, I’m just glad you know. And if you feel like this is your time, then so be it.”

“I guess it’s been in the back of my mind all of these years. But since I didn’t feel anything strong for another guy I could just suppress it. But then there’s you… I loved you Jihoon.” 

Jihoon tried not to wince when he heard the past tense in that sentence. 

“So what are you going to do? You have a wife waiting for you.” 

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?” Seungcheol asked in disbelief. 

“What? What do you expect me to do? Convince you? I already tried! Now you have a ring on your finger and you’re thinking about a summer from ten years ago.” 

“You told me to make the right decision.” 

“Am I the right decision for you? You said it yourself, it wasn’t even important, it was just two months ten years ago. For fucks sake, we didn’t even kiss!” Seungcheol looked at him surprised when he heard that. 

“What?” 

“We never kissed…” Jihoon repeated, now unsure after he saw Seungcheol’s shocked face. 

“Yes, we did…” Seungcheol mumbled, now understanding everything that confused him that summer. “On my birthday.” Jihoon waited for a moment, trying to remember. 

“Seungcheol, I don’t remember a thing from that night, I was so drunk.” 

“That’s why… That’s why you said you regretted everything.” 

“The last thing I remember from that night was falling off your bed after doing an impersonation of our P.E teacher. Of course I regretted everything, it was embarrassing. But I don’t… I don’t remember kissing you.” he explained slowly.

“You kissed me and you said you liked me and you didn’t want to leave.” Seungcheol started talking, his voice strained. “But the next morning you said you regretted everything and never kissed me again.” 

“That’s why you weren’t mad when I broke up with you.” Jihoon whispered under his breath. “That’s why you were distant.”

“Were you telling the truth?” Seungcheol asked, taking a step forward. 

“Does it matter?” Jihoon tried to not let his feelings get the better of him and start crying right then and there, but the tears were welling up in his eyes. “After ten years, the day you got married, does it really matter if I didn’t want to leave you when we were seventeen years old?” Seungcheol opened his mouth, but didn’t know what to say. “It’s too late.”

He turned around to leave but stopped when he felt Seungcheol grab his wrist. He moved his other hand to place it against Jihoon’s cheek, stepping forward and closing the distance between them. 

“Jihoon, please, it’s not too late. I haven’t signed any papers, you are the only one I want to be with, I love you.” Jihoon looked up at him, feeling the air leave his lungs when he noticed how close Seungcheol’s face was.  “Lee Jihoon…” he started to say in a whisper. “Will you stay with me even when the summer ends?” 

“It’s ending pretty soon.” Jihoon whispered. 

“Ten years later and I don’t think I could wait another year to ask you the same question, not even a day.” 

“What about her?” 

“I have never been as happy as I am when I’m with you. And I don’t think I can let another day go by when I know you are the only one that can make me feel this way.” Jihoon looked him in the eyes without knowing what to respond. “I know you feel the same way.” Jihoon moved his hands from his shoulders to his chest, grabbing the lapels of his jacket, he noticed he was now crying. 

“We just keep missing each other, maybe we’re not meant to be.” he said, trying to let go of him. 

“Our only mistake was ever breaking up when we both know we belong together even when we’re miles apart. I am here, right now, asking you, Lee Jihoon, if you would’ve stayed with me if I asked you to. Even if it was ten years ago. Because I know I would’ve fought for you if I had known that kiss was not a mistake.” Jihoon took a moment and looked at him in the eyes before answering. 

“Yes, I would’ve stayed with you if you asked me to.” he finally said, and as soon as Jihoon finished that sentence Seungcheol leaned in and kissed him, just like he’s been wanting to do for so many years.

Jihoon frowned and moved his hands to Seungcheol’s shoulders to bring him closer, he couldn’t believe that was happening, but even if it was just a dream, he just couldn’t let go of Seungcheol, because he finally had him in his arms and he could kiss him and tell him how he felt. But it wasn’t a dream, so they stopped kissing after they felt like they needed to catch their breath. Seungcheol leaned his forehead against Jihoon’s. 

“I’m sorry I became distant, I thought you didn’t love me as much as I did.” Seungcheol whispered slowly.

“I loved you, I wanted to have a long-distance relationship with you, but I thought that would be too much to ask for.” Jihoon said, he had stopped crying finally. “But I still love you, and I guess we shouldn’t think about what could have been.” 

Seungcheol smiled widely before he kissed him again. 

They both turned around quickly and separated from each other when they heard the door open, they sighed relieved when they saw it was just Mingyu. He looked like he was about to say something but he just smiled widely when he saw they were kissing. 

“Well… I’m very happy for you guys. But Seungcheol, you have to find your wife.”

“What? Why? Where is she?” 

“I don’t know, she went to look for you but she hasn’t come back, everyone’s looking for her.” 

“Fuck.” Seungcheol said, he rubbed his face, now even more frustrated. 

“I’m gonna go look for her.” 

“I’ll go with you.” Jihoon said, following him.

“No, you stay here and tell me if she comes back.” 

“No, this is my fault too, I’ll go with you. Mingyu will stay.” Jihoon insisted, Seungcheol rolled his eyes and walked into the building. 

Mingyu smiled widely and hugged Jihoon so tight he lifted him from the ground and squished him. 

“Okay, okay, I know you’re happy, but I have to leave with him and fix this.” Jihoon said while laughing. 

“Yes, go!” Mingyu left him on the ground again and Jihoon ran to catch up with Seungcheol. 

They both got out of the hotel and Seungcheol moved his hand and called for a taxi that stopped as soon as he saw them. 

“Do you know where she might be?” Jihoon asked when they were both in the car.

“I think I have an idea.” Seungcheol murmured. 

A few minutes later the driver stopped when Seungcheol told him to and they both got out of the car after Seungcheol paid. Jihoon looked around, they were at a park not too far away from the hotel, the gates were still open even though it was so late at night. Jihoon followed Seungcheol until he spotted a white dress, she was sitting in one of the benches in front of the fountain. Seungcheol placed a hand on Jihoon’s arm and gestured for him to wait there. He walked slowly and sat next to Nayeon, who looked at him, her cheeks were black from all the makeup since she clearly had been crying. 

“Why are you here?” she asked when she saw him.

“I was worried about you.” Nayeon nodded and looked at the fountain again, as if she didn’t believe him. 

“I went to look for you when you left, I thought you felt ill.” she explained slowly. “But Jihoon had already gotten there, I was too late.” 

“I’m so sorry Nayeon.” Seungcheol whispered lowering his head, she started crying again as soon as he said that. 

“I heard everything.” she said between sobs. “Well, no, not everything, I couldn’t bear to listen any longer at one point. But I guess he rejected you since you’re here, did you regret leaving me behind? Am I your plan B now?” 

Jihoon stepped forward until Nayeon saw him next to her. 

“We came because we were worried about you.” he said slowly, looking her in the eyes.

She chuckled out of frustration and continued crying. 

“Guys, have you never seen a romantic comedy? You’re supposed to leave the wedding together, not look for the bride.” she said as she wiped her tears.

“We don’t really watch romantic comedies.” Jihoon said as he sat down next to her.

“That’s why all men are useless.” she whispered after Jihoon said that, which earned a chuckle from both Jihoon and Seungcheol, Nayeon also laughed through the tears. “But I forgive you since there’s not a lot of gay romantic comedies.” she said as she tried to fix her dress. “I still don’t forgive you for leaving me though.” Seungcheol nodded slowly. 

“I didn’t ask you to, I know I don’t deserve it.” 

“Why did you lie to me?” she asked genuinely. “Why didn’t you tell me this? We’re supposed to be a team, you’re supposed to tell me what’s wrong.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

“And here I thought you were homophobic, I couldn’t be more wrong.” 

“Let’s be honest, he kinda was.” Jihoon said, which made them laugh, but Nayeon was still crying. 

“I’m sorry, this is all my fault.” Seungcheol said, placing a hand around her shoulders. 

“I know it is! You think I’m blaming myself? The only reason you don’t want to be with me is because you’re gay! Any man would love to be with me.” she said that as she started sobbing again. 

“Yes Nayeon, any man would want to be with you.” Seungcheol said as he hugged her, she cried on his shoulder until she finally felt calm enough and started to wipe her tears. 

“Okay, but, ten years? I think you owe Jihoon an apology too.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was gay.” Seungcheol apologized looking at both of them. 

Jihoon and Nayeon looked at each other for a moment before speaking. 

“I don’t think it’s convincing enough.” Nayeong crossed her arms and Seungcheol looked at her in disbelief. 

Seungcheol got up and sighed before he got down and knelt before them. 

“I’m sorry I lied to both of you and I didn’t tell you what I felt. I should’ve told you I was having problems.” he said genuinely and got up when he got a nod of approval from both of them. 

“That’s better.” Nayeon said as he sat down next to her again. “I don’t mind that you’re gay Seungcheol, I can’t do anything about that, obviously I wish you weren’t but I can’t change you. And I heard what you said, I can’t blame you either for not knowing or for being confused. Thank you for saying I’m perfect, by the way.” Seungcheol smiled when he heard that. “What I’m mad is that you knew you had problems, you were feeling bad, and you didn’t tell me what was wrong. Especially after the conversation we had the other day, you could’ve told me and I would’ve helped you.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

Nayeon moved forward and hugged him. Jihoon looked straight ahead and gave them a moment, they stayed silent for a few moments after they stopped hugging. Nayeon started crying again suddenly. 

“This is bullshit, this was supposed to be the happiest day of my life!” 

“I’m sorry.” Jihoon whispered, not knowing what to say anymore. Nayeon got up and gathered her dress so she wouldn’t trip on it.

“Get up, let’s go.” Nayeon told them demanding even though she was still crying. 

Jihoon and Seungcheol looked at each other confused but got up and followed her outside the park. 

“Where are we going?” Seungcheol asked, he sounded scared.

“We’re not going back to the reception, don’t worry. I’m going to make you pay.” 

When Jihoon heard that he didn’t think Nayeon meant the actual meaning of the word ‘pay’, but ten minutes later the three of them were sat down at a café and Nayeon had ordered the biggest ice cream Jihoon had ever seen in his life. He had ordered a glass of coke and Seungcheol had a cup of coffee in front of him. 

“Do you know how much I had to diet to fit into this dress?” she asked Seungcheol, who shook his head. “I haven’t had sugar in almost six months.” she said right before she ate a spoonful of ice cream, Seungcheol smiled at her. 

“Order more if you want to.” 

“I know.” Jihoon laughed at that and looked at Seungcheol, he was relieved Nayeon didn’t hold any grudges against him. 

Seungcheol rested his chin on his hand, a lot of people were looking at them, they obviously stood out. A girl dressed in a bride’s dress, and two men dressed in suits. But it didn’t look like Nayeon cared, so they didn’t care either. Seungcheol looked over at Jihoon, who was looking at the window, and moved his leg to touch Jihoon’s. Seungcheol was seated next to Nayeon and Jihoon was seated in front of them. Jihoon turned to look at him with a smile and kicked him, not hard enough to hurt him. Seungcheol smiled and stepped on his foot. 

“Are you actually playing footsies under the table?” Nayeon suddenly asked and before they could be embarrassed about it Jihoon opened his eyes widely when he heard Seungcheol suppress a scream, by looking at how Nayeon moved he guessed she stepped on Seungcheol’s foot pretty hard. 

“You have heels.” Seungcheol complained as if she had just kicked him in the balls. 

“Sorry.” she apologized as she moved her hand, but she had the spoon in that hand and a piece of ice cream landed on Seungcheol’s jacket. “Woops, sorry.” she said, not actually feeling sorry for what she did. 

Jihoon looked at Seungcheol, who still looked in pain, and burst out laughing. Nayeon looked over at Jihoon and also started laughing at Seungcheol, who looked at them almost pouting. 

“Ten years.” Jihoon said, warning him with a pointed finger.

“I already said I’m sorry.” 

“Just let us have fun for one night.” Nayeong said rolling her eyes, Seungcheol smiled and licked the ice cream off his finger when he tried to clean his jacket.

“Fine.”

Jihoon felt more at ease with Nayeon after they stayed there for half an hour, Seungcheol was right, they did get along. He could understand why Seungcheol wanted to marry her, she was great. She ended up calling one of her friends to pick her up and take her to her house after eating two jumbo ice creams. Seungcheol promised her he was going to make up a lie to tell everyone at the wedding about why they decided to annul it. 

An hour later Jihoon took Seungcheol to his apartment since Nayeon was in the one they shared.

“Well, this is my humble, humble home. I’m sure it’s nothing compared to you celebrity apartment.” 

“It’s perfect.” Seungcheol said with a smile before he kissed him. 

“I’m…” Jihoon started to talk when they parted, but he couldn’t find the words. “I’m sorry I wasn’t next to you when you needed me. And I’m sorry I pushed you every time we talked about your sexuality.” 

Seungcheol bit his lip and gestured for him to sit on the couch, he sat next to him and waited for a moment before he finally decided to speak. 

“I made out with a guy once.” Seungcheol suddenly said, Jihoon opened his eyes surprised and looked at him. 

“What?” 

“In college. There was this party and I got really drunk. I ended up kissing this guy, I don’t even remember his name. He kind of looked like you, I guess that’s why I kissed him, it was my first year so I still missed you a lot back then.” he paused and Jihoon kept quiet, listening to him intently. “One of the guys from the team saw me because he came in the room we were in. He…” Seungcheol took a breath before he kept explaining. “He bullied me for the rest of my college years and blackmailed me into telling everyone that I was gay if I ever became more successful than him.” Jihoon frowned and covered his mouth surprised. 

“Seungcheol…” he whispered, he moved close to him and hugged him to comfort him. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” 

“He got suspended on our last year and I could finally feel more at ease because I told him I would tell the police he had drugs if he ever said anything about me.” he finished and Jihoon could feel his tears welling up from just imagining what it must have felt like for Seungcheol. “Not only him, the entire team was so homophobic, the coach, my classmates, teachers, they would always make so many bad comments about gay people. I ended up following along, I feel so bad now knowing that Mingyu was gay too, because I said such horrible things in front of him. I didn’t know, I was afraid someone would know…”

“I don’t think Mingyu holds anything against you because of that, I know he understands what you were going through. He told me himself. He knew we were dating.” Seungcheol sighed and rubbed his face, Jihoon hugged him tighter. 

“By the second year I had convinced myself that I was just crazy and the only thing I wanted from you was friendship. That it was just hormones speaking and I had to straighten up because I wasn’t a teenager anymore and it could ruin my career if anyone thought I was gay.” 

Jihoon grabbed his face carefully and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“And you came out. Even if it was only to me. You accepted yourself and I am so proud of you Seungcheol.” 

Seungcheol smiled softly and leaned in to kiss him.

“I’ve missed you so much.” 

“You won’t have to miss me anymore.” Jihoon smiled and leaned his forehead against Seungcheol’s. “I’ve waited ten years, I’m not letting you go again.” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that. 

The only thing Mingyu wanted to do was celebrate that Jihoon and Seungcheol were finally together, so he organized a party at Joshua’s restaurant and invited their friends, the ones that knew about their relationship. 

“I think this is a bit exaggerated.” Jihoon said while laughing when Jeonghan suggested a toast. 

“Are you kidding? I've been waiting! This is like watching a telenovela.” Seungkwan said and everyone laughed. 

Seungcheol placed a hand around Jihoon’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss his temple. 

“It’s fine.” he whispered with a smile. 

Jihoon laughed the whole evening, but most importantly, he saw Seungcheol laugh the whole evening too. 

Seungcheol stayed at his apartment until they sorted everything out with Nayeon, who was going to keep their house. Jihoon was in the kitchen making dinner when Seungcheol came back from a reunion he had with his agent. 

“I thought you only wrote letters to me.” he said as soon as he entered the house. 

“I do.” Jihoon looked at him confused. 

“Well, you have a letter from Jun.” 

“What?” Jihoon wiped his hands and grabbed the envelope to open it. 

“Dear Jihoon, 

You were right, he loves me back, just like you said he did. We’re dating now, we agreed to not tell our parents, it would just be too difficult. I’m coming back to Seoul with Minghao now, he’s transfering here and I still have a lot of games to win. I will eternally be grateful to you for pointing me in the right direction. 

I am so sorry for what I did to you, I feel guilty every day. I heard Seungcheol’s wedding was cancelled, please try once more for me, I am sure he still has feelings towards you. Even if you never forgive me, I will hold you very dear to my heart because you are one of the most important people in my life. You made my life happier in ways you can’t imagine. I hope you find that happiness too. 

Love, Jun.

P.S: You’re right! Writing letters is more soothing and exciting than just texting or calling.”

“Dear Jun, 

Yes, he does still love me, and I love him. That’s why the wedding couldn’t end well. I’m happy.

I forgive you and I’m glad you’ve found happiness in him.

Love, Jihoon.” 

He couldn’t be mad at Jun, so he just smiled after writing that letter to him, apparently he thought the letter system was not that bad either. He did miss his letters with Seungcheol, but he wouldn’t trade living with him for anything in the world. 

But that didn’t last that long, and he had to start writing letters to Seungcheol and calling him again. Because he was playing hockey again, and he signed again with his first professional team, now playing side by side with Mingyu. Those were the biggest news of the moment, and everyone forgot about the cancelled wedding, since Nayeon was already filming for her next movie. It seemed like everyone had moved on from that. Seungcheol had to leave and go to Europe for the few months that he was playing, so he would get together with Seungkwan and watch their games, Jihoon started to become invested in hockey, more than he thought he would ever be. 

They secured a place in the finals and Seungcheol could come back home and rest for a short period, so he decided to visit his mother. 

“You should come with me.” Jihoon looked at him surprised when he heard that. 

“What?” 

“I want to tell her about us.” Jihoon didn’t know what to respond to that. “She still asks why I canceled the wedding. I want to tell her, if you don’t want to come with me it’s fine.” 

“No, I’ll go with you.” Jihoon assured him, grabbing his hands.

Jihoon clasped his sweaty hands together, too nervous to do anything about them, because that was probably the most nerve-wracking moment of his life. Standing in front of Seungcheol’s mom as Seungcheol told her the reason he didn’t end up marrying that beautiful woman was actually Jihoon. There was a moment of silence where she looked at them after she understood, Jihoon felt like he could throw up, he didn’t remember if he was that nervous the time he came out to his parents. Suddenly Seungcheol’s mom was crying and Jihoon felt like he could cry too because he really wanted to be good for Seungcheol in her eyes. But then she approached him and hugged him tightly and Jihoon heard Seungcheol’s sigh of relief next to him, and he knew that was a good sign.

Jihoon was happy Seungcheol’s mom accepted them, that’s all he really needed. They couldn’t stay there for long because Seungcheol had a lot of practice, so when they returned home they were happy to finally find out that Nayeon had shipped Seungcheol’s things to Jihoon’s apartment. Even though it had been months after the wedding. They started to unpack everything one night after Seungcheol returned from practice. 

“I think Joshua is going to propose to Jeonghan so I might want to start preparing that speech.” Jihoon said distractedly as he opened a box full of papers he didn’t even know if he should keep. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, he mentioned it to me a few weeks ago. Says that it’s going to be in America, since they can make it official there and his family will be there.”

“What about Jeonghan’s family?” 

“He hasn’t spoken to his family in years.” Jihoon said and looked at him as if it was obvious. “You know they’re homophobic.” he murmured and took out some papers from the box.

“Right, I forgot.” 

“One of the reasons Jun still wants to keep it a secret, he’s afraid he’ll lose contact with his family.” 

“Yeah, he told me about that.” 

“But yeah, it’s going to be Jeonghan’s birthday soon and I think he’s going to ask him at the party.” 

“That’s great, do you think he’ll say yes?” 

“Of course I do, it’ll be dumb if he didn't.” Jihoon laughed. “And I think Jeonghan is waiting for it also. I’m happy for them, at least someone can get married.” there was a moment of silence before Seungcheol spoke.

“We can do that.”

“What?” Jihoon raised his head to look at him confused. 

“I have Canadian citizenship, remember? It’s legal there.” he stood silent before he finally answered. 

“Are you proposing to me right now?” 

Seungcheol smiled and patted his pockets before he said anything to Jihoon.

“Well, I don’t have a ring on me right now.” he shrugged and then sat down on the floor next to Jihoon to grab his hands. “But, we can do that, in the future… If you want to.” Jihoon smiled at him brightly. 

“I would love that.” 

Jihoon knew he couldn’t be a part of Seungcheol’s public life as much as he wanted to. He loved to see him in magazines but when he was out with Seungcheol the paparazzi apparently just weren’t interested in that because he never saw pictures of them together. Probably because everyone just thought they were just friends, since they still couldn’t hold hands on the street. But he still felt happy to be a part of Seungcheol’s life, especially such an intimate one. He stood next to Seungkwan during the last game, the tickets to the game were incredibly expensive and the place was filled to the last seat. But they were seated close to the players since Seungcheol and Mingyu got them tickets. Minghao was also there, cheering for Jun, he’d become close friends with Jihoon. He finally knew enough about hockey to understand what was going on, but he didn’t need to know much about it to know they had just won the game. 

He screamed and cheered for them just like half of the place was doing. The team got out of the ice rink, celebrating and Jihoon left his seat to congratulate them along with Seungkwan. Seungcheol took out his helmet to smile at him, Jihoon opened his mouth to congratulate him but before he could do so Seungcheol placed his hands around his waist and leaned in to kiss him. Even though Jihoon was surprised he kissed him back, he looked at his eyes and noticed how the crowd wasn’t screaming as much as they were before. 

“You know this is being televised, right?” Jihoon said with a smile. 

“So?” Seungcheol answered, a bright smile on his face. 

Jihoon laughed and wrapped his hands around his neck to kiss him deeply again.