Archive of Our Own

I was eighteen when the first time I fell in love. That probably in my senior year of high school. I was fall in love with him at the first sight.

I remember that day was raining and I was waiting at the bus stop. He came with a black hoodie but not bring an umbrella. His hoodie was soaking with the rain but he remains unbothered. I was looking for him but he just silent. Both of us are silent. He look at his phone, maybe checking on something or just starred at the clock.

I want to say something but I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. It was awkward and both of Us just silent. We sit until the bus came and forgot of Our existence later. At the moment I thought I will never forget about how amazing his looks. But time make us apart. I just hope I can meet him again.

I was twenty one when we met again. It was a third years of my college life and we met at the coffee shop. He wear a plain black shirt with white sneakers and jeans. He looks so mature but still amazing.

I remember how he looks and it was a first time I knew his name. He sat in front of me and start a conversation with a self introduction.

“My name is Jeon Wonwoo. Nice to meet you.” He held my hands, we shakes hand. He was smile at me and I melted. His smile melted me.

“Ah um.. I am Mingyu. Nice to meet you, too.” He smiled even more and I feel like my heart gonna explode just to saw his smile.

We talk about random things and we share a good conversation through a cup of coffee that afternoon. Time was up when he told me he need to went somewhere.

For the first time of my life, I don’t want to be apart with someone.

I was twenty five when we get married. I finally proposed him and he answered yes. It was our third years of dating. The time goes faster and we have a nice day together.

I still can’t believe we share same feeling towards each other. You know what was funny things? He was the first one to confessed when we were dating back then. He said he likes me and I get surprised. I don’t know if it may turns out like that but I like everytime he smiled because of me.

That Jeon Wonwoo always drive me crazy since I was Eighteen.

He was perfect. Eventhough he did nothing, he still perfect to me. Wonwoo is a symbol of perfection and I just someone who became his imperfection (Oh sorry, maybe I am just overthinking). We spent day by day together until that day he confessed (again) that maybe it will be a last day of his life and he want to spend it with me.

“You’re the reason that I lived today and will always be the reason that I survived for a whole life.”

I smiled. I still remember his smile. We both know just to have each other make us relieved.

I was so naive and he know how to drives my feeling insane.

And today I left alone. He left. He walk away from my life.

God loves him more than I do. God wants him to come back.

Now here I am. In a graveyard, in front of his grave. I put a white lily on it and smile. Smile to his last place to rest. In peace.

“Wonwoo, today I am thirty and I just want to tell you that I miss you. I know, you should rest in peace and I don’t want to disturb you. I just want to tell you something because I think I need a friend to talk with? Hehe. I still feel your existence in my life. Wonwoo, how can I move on? Tell me, please. I just thought it was a dream.

Wonwoo, are you happy there? I always pray for your happiness. At least, you won’t feel the pain anymore. I still remember your smile, our time that we spent together. You always smile in front of me and hide your pain. Now I am asking you, how it feels to be painless? Oh, its not a good question I guess.

But Wonwoo, I am happy when you’re happy even when you leave me alone. I don’t mind that. Remember, I always love you since I was eighteen. It always be you, forever and ever.

Rest in peace, My Love. Wait for me until the day has come. I will come to you and we will unite again. In afterlife.”

Now I close my diary and close my eyes. Everyday, I just want to feel your existence. I want to feel your embrace. I want to feel how we breathe together while we so close to each other. I want to feel how you kiss me and the taste of your mouth. I want to be with you for my entire life once again.

There, in afterlife, I always be yours.