Work Text:
“Here we are, Casa de Crowley ” Crowley said, as he pushed open his freshly miracled front door, and stepped aside for Aziraphale to walk in. The angel looked around, noticing how empty and gray Crowley’s flat was. It reminded him of Heaven, but the darker walls were somehow more comforting, and the entire flat felt like Crowley.
“It’s lovely” he said, and Crowley rolled his eyes, walking in after him, and closing the door.
“You hate it, be honest” he said, and Aziraphale gasped in shock.
“I don’t! It might be sparsely decorated, and quite empty looking, but it’s yours” he said, and Crowley softly smiled at him, fighting to keep his bottom lip from wobbling. We’re not friends, we are an angel and a demon, we have nothing whatsoever in common, I don’t even like you! Crowley, you’re being ridiculous. He’s not my friend, we’ve never met before, we don’t know each other. Come up with something, or I’ll never talk to you again. I don’t think my side would approve. There is no our side! Not anymore! It’s over!
“Yeah well, it won’t be by tomorrow” he said, taking off his jacket, and throwing it onto the grey leather couch he had in the living room. All the suppressed feelings he’d hidden in his chest for the last 6000 years were flooding back to him, and he hadn’t had time to put up the floodgates.
“Come now. There were several times throughout today, where you thought the world was over. But in the last moments, hope shined through, and an answer became clear! The same may happen for us now. And, we have Agnes Nutter’s prophecy!” Aziraphale said, his voice brimming with hope, as he followed Crowley. The demon worked hard to suppress a sob building up in him. Aziraphale sounded so sure they would survive, when he had absolutely no hope they would.
“Angel, you can’t possibly believe that some miracle will present itself in the eleventh hour! And neither of us have any clue what Agnes Nutter is talking about! There is no hope shining through! This is it for us!” Crowley said, knowing how tired he sounded. And he was. Tired of sides, tired of lying, of hiding, of pretending he didn’t care for the angel currently following him around in his flat. So all this is your demonic work? We may have started out as angels, but you are fallen. Do you know what trouble I’d be in if they knew I’d been fraternising? I should have known, of course, these people are working for you. You’re the demon, I’m the nice one, I don’t have to kill children. I am a great deal holier than thou, that’s the whole point. Crowley, I’m the nice one! You can’t expect me to do the dirty work! Even if I did know where the Antichrist was, I wouldn’t tell you, we’re on opposite sides!
“My dear, it does nobody any good to give up, when there is always hope. It just might not be obvious at first” Aziraphale said kindly, and Crowley could feel the all too familiar sting of tears in the corners of his eyes.
“Well, forgive me for not being able to see the hope in our situation” Crowley said, his voice strained, as he wheeled around and rounded on Aziraphale. The angel’s eyes widened, shocked by Crowley’s outburst.
“I’m just so used to never having hope, that I’ve learned it doesn’t exist” You can’t leave, Crowley. There isn’t anywhere to go. “6000 years of searching for hope and finding none does things to a person” You go too fast for me, Crowley . “Tonight is the last night we have alive! It’s over!” the demon yelled, his voice breaking, as angry tears finally broke free from the corners of his eyes, and fell down his face. He turned around, and quickly walked away from Aziraphale, escaping into his plant room. He continued through the plant room, not even noticing how much his plants were shivering in terror, and into his office, his fists clenched. He wrenched his glasses from his face, and threw them across the room, placed his fists, knuckles down, onto his desk, and took deep breaths. Push it down. Push it down. 6000 years. Don’t let it out now.
“Crowley?” he heard Aziraphale call from behind him. He stayed silent.
“My dear, are you alright?” Aziraphale asked, and Crowley felt his anger melt away, replaced with agony. He could feel phantom heat rising around him. He could almost smell the smoke in the air, but he knew there was none there. His chest ached, not unlike when he was hit with the full spray of a firehose. Tears fell freely from his eyes. Somebody killed my best friend! He took a deep breath. This was his last chance. He needed to let it out now.
“Do you know…” he began slowly, his back still turned to Aziraphale.
“How I found Agnes Nutter’s book in my possession?” he asked, rhetorically. He knew the angel wouldn’t answer him. Crowley rarely let his walls down like this, and Aziraphale knew, one word from him, and the walls would rebuild themselves, almost involuntarily. And by the quiet, broken tone Crowley was using, this was not going to be easy for the demon.
“After I left you, lying through my teeth that I was leaving you for Alpha Centauri, I came back here. Hell was coming to collect me. They knew what I had done, or failed to do, for that matter. So, I set a trap for whoever was coming. Your Holy Water came in handy for exactly the reason I had asked for it. When the demons finally arrived, one of them opened that door to my right, and a bucket of Holy Water landed on their head. That” he said, pointing a finger to the door, and Aziraphale finally noticed the still steaming puddle.
“Is what was left of one of them. His name was Ligur. Hastur, the other demon, I managed to trap in my ansaphone. After that, I figured, Hell had come for me. They knew about u-the Arrangement. Who's to say they wouldn’t come for you? I rushed to your bookshop, to warn you, to try to protect you, like I always did in the past. I called your phone multiple times on the drive over” Crowley paused, and took a deep breath.
“You never picked up. I thought, ‘he’s fine. He knows what he’s doing. He’s smart, smarter than anyone. He can protect himself’. When I finally made it to your corner, I saw your bookshop up in flames. It was raining, and there were firemen standing around. Neither were working to put the fire out. Without hesitating, I entered the shop, and looked for you. I called your name. When I couldn’t find you with my own eyes, I thought I’d try to sense your energy. I couldn’t feel you anywhere in the shop. I expanded my search, SoHo, London, Britain, the UK, Europe, Earth, I even scoured the Milky Way. I couldn’t feel you anywhere” Crowley paused again, his voice beginning to break. He took a few deep breaths, and got himself under control again.
“I shouted out that I couldn’t find you. I was surrounded by flames. Then, a blast from a firehose crashed through one of your windows, and hit me square in the chest, knocking to the ground. It was almost like that knocked the last bit of hope I held in my chest loose. I realized you were gone. I thought the fire was Hellfire. I thought you’d died. When I sat up, my glasses had been knocked off, and they were melting. I cursed Heaven for allowing this to happen. I cursed Hell, for being the cause of it. I cursed Her, for doing nothing to stop it. I cursed Satan, for being the catalyst of every bad thing that’s ever happened. I cursed humanity for being more important to Her than we were. I cursed you, for leaving me on Earth, alone, after 6000 years together, and I cursed myself most of all, for not being there when you needed me. For failing to protect you like I always did” Crowley’s voice broke again, and this time, he didn’t pause. He just kept talking through his tears.
“I wanted to stay there, sitting on that floor, my chest sopping wet and cold, my back dry and burning. I wanted nothing more than for that fire to consume me, the way it had done to you, in the hopes that that would bring us together again. But I knew, no matter who I begged, or how hard I did so, that fire would never affect me. The worst thing that it could do would be to suffocate me, and then I’d be discorporated to Hell. I considered that option as well. Maybe they would destroy me, the same way they had done you. Hopefully it would be a slow and painful death, because that’s what I deserved, after lying to you, and letting you down” Crowley said, and unseen by him, Aziraphale’s eyes shone with tears, as he covered his mouth with his hand in shock.
“But I couldn’t do that either, because there was always a chance Hell would keep me alive. I even briefly considered waltzing into Heaven, and letting the first angel I came across smite me. But I knew I could never bring myself to do that. Then, I turned my head, and saw a familiar title resting next to me. The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch . I remembered how hard you had searched for that book, as often as you could. The tiniest hint of gossip that the book had been sighted halfway across the world, you were dragging me along to find it” Crowley smiled sadly to himself, almost lost in memory, tears slowly making their way down his cheeks.
“It was then I knew what my fate was to be. I would go to the nearest bar or pub with this book, and drink myself stupid, like we used to do together. I grabbed the book, the last piece of you I had in this world, and left. I had no intention of sobering up before the end of the world. I would hold that book in my arms, just like I had always wanted to do to you, and drunkenly watch the bombs fall, hoping they would take me with them. There was no point in stopping the end of the world, because without you alive, my world had already ended. But then, you turned up, like a miracle. I thought it might just have been the most cruel drunken hallucination ever, but then you asked if I’d gone to Alpha Centauri, and it all came flooding back. That my last words to you had been that I would leave you forever, never looking back, never even thinking about you, as if you weren’t the only thing I can think about every day” Crowley’s voice broke yet again, but it also softened. Aziraphale felt his heart beating faster than it ever had before.
“I had so much I wanted to say to you, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. The only thing I could get out, in my drunken stupor was that I’d lost my best friend. I don’t even know if you’d realized I’d meant you. And then you gave me hope. You said you’d only been discorporated, and I almost sobbed in relief. You were alive. I would have offered you my body in a heartbeat, if you’d have taken it. I don’t care if we’d have exploded, or if I would have died from that close a contact to your grace. It would have been worth it, to have you alive again. And then you told me to meet you at the Tadfield Airbase, and I knew, I had a new mission. My place was no longer at a bar, drinking, while I waited for the end of the world. My place was by your side, saving the world we loved, so I could stay with you, on this Earth, forever” Crowley said, finally removing his fists from his desk, and turning to face the angel he loved. Tears were streaming down both beings' faces, but Crowley wasn’t done yet, and Aziraphale knew it.
“It’s almost pathetic, my devotion to you. 6000 years, of being told we aren’t friends, that we’re on opposite sides, and I’m a demon, and I still cherished every time I got to see you, even for a moment. Even if you never saw me. We argue about Holy Water, and I sleep for almost 80 years, because I can’t stand to see you mad, and yet, as soon as you’re in danger, I come running to save you again, because I can’t wait for you to get a new body from Upstairs. You break my heart, and tell me I go too fast for you, and I try as hard as I can to slow down, even if it means I slow to a halt. And It still isn’t enough for you. But I keep coming back. We fight, and you say it’s over. You break my heart all over again, and this time it feels like it really is over, and we’re truly done, but I come running back to you, because I could never leave Earth without you. I get rejected a second time in less than 2 days, and I still came back, because third time’s a charm. You died in a fire, and I mourned you, but as soon as you came back to me, I rushed to be by your side. I drove through Hellfire to get to you. I discorporated a Duke of Hell, held my car together by sheer force of will, and stopped time against Satan just so I could see you again, stand by your side, just like always. You could do anything to me, Aziraphale, you could say anything, and I would come running back to you the very next day, as if nothing had happened. That’s how devoted I am to you. I can’t stand to be away from you for very long, but I stomach the longing, and the pain of being away from you, because I’d rather see you less often, than show up too often, go too fast again, and lose you forever” Crowley finally paused and took another deep breath.
“For the last 6000 years, you have broken my heart again and again, and still I came back to you, because you would mend my heart everytime. I thought I would have forever like that. I wanted forever to be like that, that we could have that little dance of ours, forever. And then you died. And I was alone. And I wanted nothing more than for the same fate to befall me. I was just short of driving to a church, and dunking my head in a fontfull of Holy Water. Aziraphale, I can not live without you. Those 2 hours, where I thought you had died, were the most painful 2 hours I’d ever had to live through. Worse than the Spanish Inquisition, worse than the Black Death, worse than the Ark. I felt empty, just a shell. The world turned gray, and colorless. The alcohol I’d been drinking tasted like ash. Everything around me felt cold and lifeless. And I never want to feel that again. That’s why I can’t accept any hope right now. Because any hope feels like false hope. Any hope feels like it’ll lead back to that feeling, it will turn me back into that empty shell. I would rather spend one last night with you than risk everything, and die under false hope” Crowley said, and Aziraphale wiped his eyes on his sleeve, not caring about potential water stains.
“And I haven’t even told you why” the demon said softly, and Aziraphale took the smallest of steps forward.
“Why?” he asked, voice as soft as Crowley’s, as if he didn’t want to scare him off. Crowley met his eyes, and Aziraphale’s heart skipped at the sight of Crowley’s eyes being full yellow, a rare sight since Mesopotamia.
“Because I’m in love with you. I’ve fallen in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since that first day in the Garden. I’m such a terrible demon. I’ve fallen in love with an angel” Crowley said, his eyes filling with tears again. Aziraphale’s eyes widened, and it took him a moment to find his voice once more, sensing Crowley had said what he needed to say.
“Crowley, what do you want?” the angel asked, his voice quiet, and wavering. Crowley took his own step forward, almost reaching his arms out to hold Aziraphale, but thinking better of it.
“What do I want?” he asked, and Aziraphale nodded. Crowley huffed a soft laugh, and took another step forward, slowly, giving Aziraphale enough time to take his own step back. But he didn’t.
“You. I just want you. I want to hold you in my arms, I want to walk around with your hand in mine, not afraid to show the world how much I love you. I want to be with you forever. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night, and wake up to see your beautiful face every morning. I want to take you out to eat on romantic dates, not convenient meeting places. I want to spend every second of my eternal existence with you. I want you to love me. I want you to want me, the way I want you. I want everything with you. Because you’re it for me, Aziraphale. I’ve been around a long time. I’ve met a lot of people, supernatural or otherwise, and they never made me feel the way I feel when I’m with you. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, and I never will. You’re all I’ve ever needed, and all I’ve ever wanted. There has never, and there will never be anyone else for me. And I don’t care if you don’t want this. I don’t care if you don’t want me, or love me the way I do you. I don’t care if you never want to be more than friends, because I’ve spent the last 6000 years of my life, not even being called your friend, and it was enough for me. If you don’t feel the same, then I want only one thing. I want to have what we had back. Back before the Airbase, before ‘I won’t even think about you’, before the bandstand. Before we lost the Antichrist, and before raising Warlock. Before I was even handed the baby. Before we knew our time was coming to an end. That’s all I can ask of you” Crowley said, his eyes never leaving Aziraphale’s, searching for some kind of reaction, good or bad, he didn’t care. Aziraphale stood silent for a moment, his eyes locked onto Crowley’s, before he looked down at his own feet, and Crowley’s heart plummeted. Of course, he should have expected this.
“Do you know what I was doing, right before I was discorporated?” Aziraphale asked after a moment of silence, and Crowley’s heart stopped. He didn’t say anything. Aziraphale had awarded him that kindness, he should return it.
“After you left, saying you were leaving me, and you wouldn’t even think of me, I took a walk to clear my head. On my walk, I was cornered by the Archangels, sin Gabriel. They threatened me, calling me a ‘fallen angel’, instructed me to return to Heaven soon. I did not, and instead returned to the shop. I have a summoning circle painted underneath that circular rug near the backroom. I activated it, and requested to speak with Her. I did not make it that far. Instead, I reached the Metatron, but that was enough for me. As long as I could get my message to someone of a higher authority than the Archangels, maybe I could end this war before it even began, and you wouldn’t leave. I-” Aziraphale’s voice broke, and his own fists clenched in shame.
“I had lied to you, at the bandstand. I told you I didn’t know where the Antichrist was. The truth was, I had known several hours before we met. The book the American woman had left in your car was Agnes Nutters. I scoured every prophecy, and used the book to locate Adam. But I couldn’t tell you yet. There was a chance I could end this war, and I had to take it. I went Upstairs, and presented them with a ‘hypothetical’, of sorts, asking them what would happen if the Antichrist had been lost. The Archangels told me it wouldn’t matter. When we met at the bandstand, I didn’t tell you because I could not give up just yet. I broke your heart, and I greatly regret everything I said to you last evening, but I was trying to save you. The Archangels were not the highest authority Upstairs. I had to try to reach Her. When I finally got in contact with the Metatron, I informed them that I had discovered the identity of the real Antichrist. They commended me on my efforts, then said, ‘the point is not to avoid the war, the point is to win it’. It was then I knew where my true allegiances lie. With you, our side. I stalled as long as I could, and convinced the Metatron that I simply needed to tie up a few loose ends, before returning to Heaven for good. They left a portal open, for me to return to Heaven, but I had no intention of using it. The first thing I did after ensuring I was alone, was call you, to tell you where Adam was, so we could get to him together. But, Sergeant Shadwell showed up, uninvited. He’d seen the portal, and assumed I was a demon, ‘seducing women to do my evil will’, as he so eloquently put it” Aziraphale said, and Crowley couldn’t help but chuckle. Aziraphale smiled as well, but kept his eyes fixed on his shoes.
“Yes, well, it wasn’t funny at the time. He attempted to exorcise me, ‘with bell, book and candle’. But, in my haste to keep him away from the portal, I found myself on it. I was sent up to Heaven, and my body discorporated. Upon arriving back to Heaven, I was told to join my platoon, as their leader. I refused, stating I had no intention to fight in any war. I used the model Earth to return. But, I did not know where I would end up. I had been aiming for someone who was more open to the spiritual world, but I found myself drawn to an immense feeling of loss, grief, pain and love. I had no idea it was you, until you said my name” Aziraphale said, taking a deep breath.
“What I am trying to say, my dear, is that, despite all that I have said to you, those cruel, unnecessary things I said that broke your heart, I choose you. I can not imagine the full pain you endured, thinking I was dead, but I got a small taste of it, and it was almost overwhelming. I am so sorry you had to suffer through that today” the angel said, and Crowley took a step closer.
“Angel, Aziraphale, what do you want?” he asked, and Aziraphale finally looked up from his feet, his eyes locking on to Crowley’s once more.
“What do I want?” he asked, and Crowley nodded. Aziraphale smiled softly.
“You. I just want you. I want you to hold me in your arms, I want to walk around with my arm tucked gently in yours, like courting couples of the old days. I want to be with you forever. I want to spend every night in your embrace, and see your face first thing upon waking. I want you to take me out to eat on romantic dates, not alternative rendezvous. I want to spend every second of my eternal existence with you. I want you to love me. I want you to want me, the way I want you. I want everything with you, because I love you. Angels feel a general, unbiased love for all of Her creations. This is not that. I feel a very strong, very biased love for you, and you only, darling. I have never loved another the way I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you. I guess I was always a pathetic excuse of an angel, but I find I do not care anymore. I ask you to hope, because I can’t have this be our final night together. I want more. I want us to have eternity together. If we give up now, we will never have this again. Hope pushes us forward, to find a solution, so we can have all those things we want. Please, don’t give up on me, Crowley” Aziraphale finished, and another tear streamed down Crowley’s cheek, as a disbelieving smile grew on the demon's face.
“Angel…” he began, and his voice cracked, so he started again.
“Angel, you love me?” he asked, sounding as though he can’t believe it. Aziraphale smiled softly at him.
“With all my heart, darling” he said, and Crowley’s smile became more joyous.
“Can I hold you?” he asked, his voice soft and unsure. Aziraphale stepped closer to him, standing only an arms length away from Crowley now.
“Please” the angel said, and Crowley took one half step forward, and gently wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s waist, slowly and hesitantly, as though he wasn’t sure about what he was doing himself. Aziraphale let him take his time, then he felt the arms tighten around his waist as Crowley pulled him closer, hiding his face in the angel's shoulder. Aziraphale gently wrapped his own arms around Crowley’s shoulders, and one hand gently found its way to the back of the demon's head. He felt his shoulder grow wet, and Crowley began trembling. Aziraphale gently carded his hand through Crowley’s hair with one hand, and rubbed circles on the demons back with his other.
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you” Crowley repeated like a mantra, when he pulled his face from his angels shoulder, and stood up straight. Both beings smiled at each other, their arms still wrapped around the other.
“I love you” Aziraphale said back, and Crowley leaned forward until their foreheads pressed together.
“I’m not giving up, not on myself, not on you, and not on our side. We can find a way out of this. I have hope and faith in us” Crowley said softly, his face so close, Aziraphale could feel the demons breath on his lips.
“Crowley, I want to kiss you” the angel said, and Crowley smiled.
“Please do” the demon said, and they slowly leaned in together, lips finally connecting slowly, after 6000 years of waiting. The slow pace would not last long. 6000 years is a very long time to wait, after all. Sometime throughout the night, one of them will say something in the heat of the moment. Sometime throughout the night, the other will hear that something, and a brilliant plan will form in their minds. Sometime throughout the night, an angel and a demon will sleep together, arms wrapped around each other, and sometime next morning, they will wake up to each other's faces. Sometime next morning, an idea will be discussed, and a plan will be formed. Bodies will be swapped, and personas will be perfected. And sometime tomorrow, by lunch time, an angel and a demon will finally be free to do all those things they want to do, together. But for now, they are finally going at the same speed.