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When she noticed Tessa briefly walking by herself, Tempest decided to join her. Tempest had enjoyed talking to Tessa back at the manor, and saw the warrior as a potential friend.
"Hello, Tessa," Tempest said with a smile. "How do you fare today?"
Tessa smiled in return at Tempest.
"I'm well, Tempest-enjoying the fresh air. How're you faring?" Tess was glad for a chance to talk with Tempest. There was something about the woman that just put Tessa at ease and Tess hoped they would grow to be friends.
"I'm well, overall," Tempest replied. "Although if I'm honest, I'm quite nervous about what we'll face, and I miss my family. There's no sense dwelling on that, though. I'm trying to imagine this as just a pleasant walk. What we'll find at the end can wait till we get there."
Trying to change the subject to a more pleasant one, Tempest added, "You seemed to have quite the busy social schedule this morning. Did you get to know some of our companions better?"
Tessa looked back on her morning, especially the conversation with Beldin, and rubbed her forefinger down the bridge of nose.
"I...maybe?" She snorted then went on, "These kind of long travels are good for that. How about you? Do you feel like you know some of us better?"
"I do," Tempest replied. "It's strange, but some of you... we've only met a short time ago, but after all we've been through together in the brief time we've known each other, it seems like longer. It's as if this sort of danger has formed a bond between us. Does that sound ridiculous? Or have you felt that too?"
Tessa smiled warmly at Tempest before answering.
"I've seen this happen, yes, with the...with people I have traveled with before, but this is really the first time I've experienced it myself. I feel, already, fairly close to you, and to...some others in the group." Tess wrinkled her nose, before going on. "But even with Rhys, it took a fair bit of time before I would call him my friend."
She smiled again." If I'm not presumptuous, Tempest, I feel like you and I may be friends already."
Tempest grinned. "I see you as a friend too, Tessa," she said sincerely.
Her voice dropped slightly as she added, "At risk of being the presumptuous one myself... speaking of Rhys, I had a question to ask you. He spoke of... a marriage. Your personal life is your own, Tessa, and it is not my place to pry. I merely wanted to ensure your safety. Were you being forced into this wedding? Will the man come after you?"
If so, Tempest was prepared to defend her new friend.
At the mention of marriage, Tessa cast Tempest a swift panicked look, then she snorted at the remembrance of Rhys' drunken entrance the night before.
"Uh. No, I wasn't being forced into any..." she took a deep breath and went on. "I...have you ever felt, Tempest, like there was something you were meant to do with your life, while someone who cares about you has their own ideas of what you should with it?"
Tempest thought back over her past to try to offer a situation as evidence that she could empathize, but she couldn't think of anything. In Kirkwall, no one had particularly cared about her. Now she was cared for, but no one questioned her doing what she saw fit.
"No," she answered honestly. "But I imagine it would be incredibly difficult to be torn between love and a sense of duty, and that the decisions that resulted would not be easy."
Tessa chuckled softly. "Tempest, if only it'd been that simple or romantic."
She sighed, then went on. "Daevin was...well, I liked him well enough. He just...He thought that once I'd done some fighting that I would then want to settle down with him and have babies."
She hadn't realized that she'd hunched her shoulders as she talked. She forced herself to relax and look at Tempest before she spoke again.
"Some people are meant to be parents, like you. I...I don't think I am."
She looked away then, and rubbed her forefinger down the bridge of her nose as her face reddened slightly. "So..so I left him in the middle of the night, like a coward."
Tempest nodded her understanding. "You were on different paths," she said. "Not everyone is meant to lead the same life. Much as I love my children, I understand that parenthood is not the Maker's will for everyone."
She reached over and gave Tessa's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I would not dare to judge your decision to leave as you did. I'm confident that you had your reasons. What's done is done, and I hope you have forgiven yourself."
Tessa found herself continually surprised by Tempest. She'd been very worried about how the group would feel about Rhys's outburst, but the woman beside her had just narrowed it down into its simplest form. She didn't have regret for leaving, but she did feel bad for not considering his feelings more. She should have broken it off cleanly, but it was a lesson she'd learned. Everything about that was. Tess realized as she thought that, that she *had* forgiven herself about it, but Rhys's sudden reappearance in her life had dredged all that back up.
Smiling, she gave Tempest a sideways look. "Thank you, Tempest. As always, you put things into perspective."
"Does this wisdom just come naturally, like your magic, or did you learn it along the way?" Tess asked with a twinkle of humor.
Tempest blushed bright crimson. "I'm hardly wise," she replied self-consciously. "There is much I don't know, much I have yet to learn. What I do know, though, comes from experience, or merely reasoning. I know nothing of romantic love from personal experience, so everything I say about it should be taken with a grain of salt, but... people are people, and I suppose I just consider that in any situation the nature of people will be the same. It sounds silly when I say it, but that's the truth."
Tessa nodded, still smiling. "I've found that to be certainly true. People are definitely people and will always act how they're going to act. It doesn't always make sense to me, though."
She looked sideways at Tempest as some of the healer's words sank in. "I don't want to seem like I'm prying, so please don't feel like you have to answer my questions if they're not something you want to talk about, but you've children. Surely you'd know something of romantic love?"
Tempest shook her head, and looked away from Tessa. "My younger two children are adopted," Tempest replied. Though she didn't meet the warrior's eyes, her tone was even and free of emotion as she continued, "My eldest was conceived by rape. No love involved, when it comes to her father - although I love the resulting child very much. Romance is something that would not be possible for me. It is not the Maker's will that I should have that. It matters little, though. I am incredibly blessed to have my children and my friends."
It was not entirely clear to Tempest why that was the Maker's will... but it was easier to tell herself it was His will than to tell herself that the Maker simply didn't care. It was not that she didn't desire those things, but that door had firmly closed.
Tessa cast the healer a horrified look, quickly schooling her features into neutrality. Maker's ass, Tessa! You're an idiot! Tessa thought for a moment of a dark haired man in templar armor and shook her head slightly. If she ever thought about that day, part of her always thanked the Maker that she'd avoided the worst. She wasn't certain she could bear such a thing and still be as serene as Tempest seemed.
She studied Tempest for a moment before speaking. It was too late to worry about broaching terrible subjects now. She reached over and touched her arm gently, but firmly enough to try to avoid startling her. "Do you really think that's the Maker's will, Tempest?" Tess asked softly.
Tempest touched Tessa's hand on her arm, a silent gesture of gratitude for the reassuring touch.
"I know that to be the case," Tempest replied. It was becoming more difficult to keep the emotion out of her voice. "I do not know why this is His will. His wisdom is beyond my understanding. The fact is indisputable, though. I would not be a worthy lover. Or... or a suitable wife."
Tessa stopped walking and turned to face Tempest. She worked to keep her expression neutral because what she wanted to do was fold the other woman into an embrace and pet her hair. She wondered what had happened in Tempest's life to make her believe these things.
"Tempest, what would you say to me if I said these things about myself?"
"Of course, I would tell you that you were wrong," Tempest replied. "That I was sure the Maker would grant you any happiness you desired. But you have to understand..."
The last thing Tempest wanted was to drag Tessa into the mire of darkness that had been her past. She didn't want Tessa to have to imagine those things... and she didn't want Tessa to look at her differently after she had. Still, Tempest felt obligated to help Tessa understand why the polite expression of empathy didn't fit the circumstances.
"I'm different, Tessa. I'm not... clean anymore. I haven't been for a long time. What my daughter's father did to me... it wasn't just once. It was over and over. For sixteen years. He made me so dirty, so defiled. Surely that isn't what a good man wants in his bed. But even if that could be forgiven..."
Tempest looked away again, her voice taking on a tone of confession. "There's so much else. I have bad dreams. Nightmares. I wake up screaming, crying. I know that seems small, but imagine how tiresome it would get, being woken by that night after night. Even when it was just that, I sometimes thought that maybe..."
Tears threatened to well up, and she preemptively swiped at her eyes to chase them away. "But I had to go back to him. I had to go back to the man who hurt me so badly, because I found out he had my child, and it was the only way to free her. He was angry at me for running. And he did things to ensure I would never be wanted by anyone but him."
The emotion welled up Tempest, surged, and was gone. She was back to the careful, neutral tone, because it was too late to fix any of it.
"He cut me. Repeatedly. Deliberately." She made a vague gesture toward her chest and belly. "It lasted for hours. He made sure it scarred. It's disgusting. He made sure that anyone who saw me would be repulsed. But even that wasn't enough punishment. He tortured me in a very... purposeful way, to try to ensure I'd never have another child. Even that, I can't provide anymore. No one would want to deal with all of this. It wouldn't be worth it."
Tempest smiled wearily, painfully. "So you see now. I have nothing to offer. Nothing a person could love like that. This body is too defiled and broken. I hope that the Maker will use this to teach me patience and perseverance. Please do not be sad for me. I have a very happy life, blessed with children and wonderful friends."
Tessa stood in the road as Tempest unveiled the litany of abuses that had been heaped upon her. At first Tessa tried to keep a neutral expression, but as the healer went on and on with the horrors her life must have been, a tiny inkling of rage kindled in the middle of her chest.
When Tempest gave her a sad and weary smile, Tessa simply closed the distance between them and enfolded her in an embrace right in the middle of the road.
She spoke into Tempest’s hair. “You are wrong,” she said softly but vehemently. “You are filled, not with darkness, Tempest, but with a light so strong people can’t help but be drawn to it.”
She stepped back, resting her hands gently on Tempest’s arms and looked intently at her. “What happened to you is horrible and horrific and you cannot but carry it with you. You cannot, maybe, help but feel defiled.”
Tessa released Tempest and stepped back, her grey eyes full of certainty. “You deserve to be loved and cared for. And a good man will know that. You do have something to offer, Tempest. You have love to share, you are worthy. You are.”
Tempest allowed herself to be folded into the hug, desperately craving the comfort of physical contact that didn't cause pain.
"Thank you for saying that," Tempest said, her voice muffled by the embrace. "You are kind. And I want to believe that, I do, but..."
How could she explain? How to make Tessa understand - without seeming unappreciative - that although she was grateful for the kind words, other words had been carved too deep? That her tormentor hadn't merely abused her body in silence. That much of her ordeal had been the wounds he inflicted on her mind and soul.
"He told me so many times. I can't get his voice out of my head. I try to. I want to. But every time I try to think that way, I hear him. And I just can't..."
Tempest shrugged helplessly. "He told me so many times that no one would want me like that except to cause me pain. It seemed like it had to be true. Good people don't like thinking about those things. And those things are written all over my body. I just don't see how..."
Tessa shook her head sadly. "Tempest, a good man would just tell you so many more times how wonderful you are and how worthy you are of love."
She started walking again, gesturing for Tempest to walk with her. She was hoping she hadn't drawn too much attention to her friend.
"In the meantime, though, maybe your friends can start by telling you these things until you believe them."
She looked sideways at Tempest, not quite smiling. "It seems like the sort of advice you would give me if our positions were reversed, maybe."
Tempest paused for a moment and gave the last statement serious consideration.
"I... I never thought about it that way," she admitted. "I've met other people who were raped, of course, but not abused for years, and... not the rest of it. Not the scars or the infertility. So I suppose I never though of what I would say to someone else."
She fell silent for a moment, but the silence was contemplative, and Tessa would be able to tell she was processing thoughts that were new to her.
"It can be hard to have as much compassion for oneself as for other people, can't it? If you came to me with a story identical to my own, I would feel compassion, and I hope I would be able to offer you the same kindness and wisdom you've offered me. I certainly would not believe you had lost your chance at love. So perhaps... perhaps you are right, and I have not lost mine either. Saying that seems so bold. Overwhelmingly so. But..."
Tempest summoned some courage, and went on, "If I imagine that a goodhearted man told me that he'd been abused, he had bad dreams, he had scars all over his body, and he wasn't capable of producing children... I would not reject him. I would reassure him. I would keep him safe. So perhaps... that goodhearted man might do the same for me."
Anxiously Tempest added, "That doesn't sound foolish, does it?"
Watching Tempest think through her words gave Tessa a small feeling of relief. Seeing her new friend so certain in the idea that she was unworthy frightened Tess a bit.
In answer to Tempest's final question, Tessa smiled softly at the healer. "No, Tempest. It doesn't sound foolish at all."
Tempest's tentative expression turned into a genuine smile.
"And for that I am grateful," she replied. "Of course, it changes nothing at present. I do not know the Maker's will for me. But... it is nicer not to know, than to be certain there is no choice."
Shyly, as if confessing an embarrassing truth, Tempest admitted, "I always dreamed of getting married. An impossible dream, I always thought. In that impossible fantasy, though... I dreamed of a chantry wedding. Of finding a good, kind, responsible man who would be a father to my children. I've never been one for showy displays of any sort, but just... something simple and real. I've never told anyone this before. It seemed so ridiculous to imagine something so wonderful could really happen. You're the first person I've ever... but I thought you'd understand."
Tessa smiled at Tempest, a brilliant smile that Tempest had not yet seen from the warrior.
"Tempest, when you find a man worthy of your love, I will do whatever I can to help that happen. Everyone deserves the chance to declare their love in the sight of the Maker, if that's what they want."
Rhys had been wandering along keeping a general eye out to the surroundings when he saw Tessa and Tempest pause in the road. For a moment he thought they were sharing a bit of woman chatter but when Tessa grabbed Tempest in a strong embrace, Rhys realized that it might be something more than that. He faded back until he was in step with them and smiled at them both.
"Hello ladies. Enjoying the trek?"
Tessa turned her smile, still genuine although muted now, toward Rhys.
"I think we are, Rhys. Have you met my friend Tempest?"
Tempest felt strangely buoyant. Although she didn't share Tessa's certainty that her dream would come true someday, she now felt a faint glimmer of hope that there was a possibility - and that faint glimmer was more than she'd ever had in the past.
She gave Rhys a smile and a nod of acknowledgment. Tessa's comfort with him served as sufficient endorsement for Tempest.
"Good to see you, Rhys," she said. She explained to Tessa, "We spoke briefly last night, but we've not formally met."
Rhys returned Tempest's smile with a wink. "Ah yes, that was before the dwarf smith took up residence in my skull and proceeded to pound out a whole army's worth of weaponry. I'm afraid you didn't meet me at my best, Tempest. I'm not generally a staggering buffoon. Tessa can attest to that. I'm usually just a regular buffoon."
Tessa snorted at Rhys. "He's right, Tempest. Usually just a regular buffoon. Want to walk with us for a bit, Rhys?"
She quirked a brow at the tall man in good humor.
"Just...don't scare Tempest with stories about me, alright? I'm trying to make friends here."
"Who, me?" Rhys blinked innocently at Tessa. "I don't have any scary stories about you, oh moon and stars."
He gave Tempest a quick grin and a wink. "She's harmless. Just carries that sword around for looks."
"I have seen Tessa in battle," Tempest said with a smile. "So I have already seen her demonstrate that her combat prowess is no ruse. And Tessa, I assure you, you have already made a friend. However, Rhys, I look forward to hearing your stories nonetheless. I'm sure you two have had many adventures together."
Tessa rubbed the bridge of her wrinkled nose with her forefinger in mild embarrassment. Prowess was not necessarily the right word. She couldn't even stay on her feet against those wolves.
Making a face then chuckling, Tessa said, "Yes, Rhys, tell us a story."
"Well, there was once this time in mercenary camp..." Rhys started with a wicked grin at Tessa, but then he stopped and shook his head. "I'll save stories about Tessa for another day, perhaps. They'd make good fodder for around the fire."
He looked off into the distance, in the direction of the Frostback Mountains. "There was a man in Greenhold, where I am from. People told stories about him; he was amazing. Handsome, devilishly so. Cunning and daring. Quite impressive to be sure."
Rhys looked back at the women and grinned. "Not as impressive as I am, of course, but this was long ago and I hadn't come along yet."
"Anyway, this remarkable specimen of Avaar manhood took it upon himself to fetch a bride worthy of himself. You might think it odd but where I come from the men are required to steal their brides away from the woman's family and friends by sneaking into her hold and snatching her away without being caught. They have to return to his hold and she is considered a member of his tribe from that time on. It's difficult and dangerous because if the man is caught he is likely to be injured if not killed outright!"
Rhys was getting into the spirit of the tale now and he went on. "He had the idea to go to the largest hold in the Frostback Mountains, Valehold, and find the prettiest woman out of all the tribes that lived there to bring home to Greenhold and be his wife. It turned out that the most beautiful of all the women in Valehold was the daughter of the most powerful tribal elder. She was under lock and key, never allowed to wander about alone, and she lived in a home at the exact center of the hold itself. Anyone wanting to steal her away would have to be cunning and stealthy, as well as having the silverest of silver tongues to talk the fair maiden into going with him. Her father was quite sure no such man existed."
"However, our hero felt up to the task. This was the woman he must have as his wife. His reputation would soar if he could bring her back to our small hold and their children would be amazing having her lovely face and his best attributes. Now, most hunters would study their quarry, learn their patterns, stalk them to find their weaknesses. But this hunter was as impetuous as he was handsome and he decided to stroll into Valehold that very day! Bold as brass, he strode right into the hold and right up to the elder. He struck up a conversation with the beauty's father, regaling him with tales of his greatest hunts. The elder was impressed and invited our hero to eat with the household."
"That night, he dined with the family and charmed them all with his tales and demeanor. You can imagine that it was not hard for one such as he. After all, he was practically Calenhad himself! All through the dinner he refused to look at the elder's daughter; he treated her as if she were the air itself and just as invisible. The elder saw this and smiled, knowing that his daughter was safe. The daughter, for her part, was saddened by this for she was quite taken with our hero. Her brothers hung on his every word and shared their own tales, trying to outshine their visitor with their own deeds even though it was useless to try. But, as with all things, the dinner had to end and he was thanked for the entertainment he had provided and he thanked them all in turn for providing such a fine meal. He left their home."
"Later, when it was dark, he returned to Valehold and made his way quietly past the gate guards. Slowly, very slowly, he snuck through the hold until he reached the home of the elder, only to find the elder's daughter sneaking out of the house herself! The two of them stared at the other, each wondering what they should do, and then the daughter put out her hands to our hero and beckoned him. 'Tie me, quickly, and let us go!' she told him. He pulled her into his arms and they ran. Our hero had planned to leave the hold in a very different way than he had entered. They scaled the wall surrounding the hold, escaping into the night."
"Of course they reached Greenhold, and they were married, although our hero only had his bride for a few years before they parted ways. Unfortunately for the world as we know it, their union produced no children. It is commonly said in our hold that it is a terrible tragedy, for the children of that couple would be awe inspiring heroes."
Rhys twirled the quarterstaff he carried in his hands with a flourish and bowed to the two ladies. "And now, I hope my poor storytelling skills have satisfied."
As Rhys told his story, Tessa's eyebrows went up and a smile grew on her lips. She'd enjoyed Rhys' story telling in the past and this was no exception. She thought, although she'd not say so, that she may have just learned more about Rhys than she'd ever known.
Now that the shock of his sudden reappearance in her life had worn off-she was glad to have him along in all this. He'd been a good friend to her, one of few, and it was good to have someone she trusted at her back.
Tessa looked at Tempest to gauge her reaction to Rhys' story and found herself hopeful that the rest of their raggle-taggle group would accept him as well as they'd accepted Tess herself.
Tempest knew next to nothing about the Avvar. She had heard vaguely of the custom of kidnapping brides, and the idea had always upset her. She had imagined the event would be frightening and brutal for the woman. Based on her own experiences, it was a natural thought. What Rhys described was different, though. Not only more consensual, but the woman actively working to achieve her own ends, too. It was certainly not a custom Tempest would ever have at any desire to emulate, but it didn't sound horrifying as she would have expected.
"Certainly an impressive story," Tempest said with a smile. Then with a slightly raised eyebrow, she added, "And a story you know quite a lot of detail about, for it to be a recounting of exploits you did not witness. Could it be that this hero in fact stands before us?"
Rhys placed a finger next to his nose and smiled. "Oh, I've no doubt should I put my mind to it I could accomplish such feats. My own bride was happy enough to see me come for her but I didn't have to endure an entire night trying to impress her father and brothers."
He grinned. "I only had to sweet talk her two sisters into keeping quiet while we made our escape."
Tempest smiled a little at this, although the whole concept still seemed very alien to her. "That is... very different from anything I had ever heard before," she said. "Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that as we travel together, I will have the chance to learn more about your people."