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One.
Two.
Three…
...Forty-Nine.
“Hi, could I sit beside you?” Fifty. A cute blonde man asks him, he wasn’t even looking at Shoyo. He was so focused in his phone. “Yeah, of course.” The blonde man sits down beside him. Shoyo quietly sips on his box of apple juice, just observing the cute guy beside him.
His hair was tied up in a bun, he wasn’t all blonde – a part of it was black, his eyes were focused intently on his phone, his brows were furrowed. “Ugh.” He watches as the blonde man scrunches his face and rapidly taps on his phone. “What are you doing?” Shoyo leans closer, trying to look at what he’d been busy about.
The man puts his phone down just after Shoyo hears something like – Game Over. “Nothing, just playing some game.” Shoyo stands up and goes to the vending machine to get another box of apple juice. He walks his way back and hands it over to the man. “Here. Did you lose?” The man gets the box as Shoyo sits down beside him again.
“I don’t think I’d call it to lose – because surely, I’m gonna try to win again. So maybe, a retry?” Shoyo laughs at the man’s scrunched up face.
“What’s funny?” He turns around to asks Shoyo. “I’m sorry! I just – your face was so serious I can’t help it.” Shoyo continues laughing and the man just shrugs. “I’m Shoyo, Hinata Shōyō.” He places his hand out for the man to shake. “Kenma. Kozume Kenma.” Shoyo’s eyes widened.
“KODZU –“ He wasn’t able to finish when Kenma places a hand on his mouth. Shoyo takes it away slowly and whispers. “You’re Kodzuken?! As in the worldwide Kodzuken?!” Kenma just nods and continues to shush Shoyo.
“That’s why you looked so familiar! I like watching your streams!” Shoyo was so excited and giggling around Kenma. Normally, he’d hate it but Shoyo. Kenma could watch him all day. Then, he sees Shoyo catching his breath.
“Are you alright?” He places his arm around Shoyo and one hand holding on to Shoyo’s chest. His heart was beating fast. “It’s fine – just got a little too excited, that’s all.” Kenma gets Shoyo a bottle of water and assists him.
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to.” Shoyo attempts to take away the bottle from Kenma’s hands but he just holds it in place. “It’s fine. Is that like an asthma attack?” Kenma worriedly asks him. “Uh-yeah. It’s been getting worse lately.” Kenma nods.
“You should take care of yourself, Shoyo.” Shoyo heartily smiles at Kenma and nods. A few hours passed by, they were talking and laughing. They learned lots of things about each other in a small amount of time. “I better get going.” Kenma stands up and after a few steps, Shoyo’s hands catches his. “Wait – “ Kenma looks back, waiting for Shoyo to continue.
“Today, before you came and sat down here – I was thinking of things. I’ve lost all my will to live.” Kenma was surprised at what Shoyo had said. “—So, thank you. For sitting down with me, even though there are lots of other places you could’ve sat down. You sat down with me.” Shoyo smiles at him.
He didn’t know this stranger well enough but, he felt deep down that he meant every word he said. Kenma pulls Shoyo into a hug. He just wanted to console him, seeing Shoyo sad – made him sad and he wondered why. “Live Shoyo – for me.”
Then, they both parted ways. On the way home, all Kenma could think about was Shoyo’s smile. The smile that could melt his worries away. He thought about how he didn’t even hold his phone, the whole time that they were talking. He was so indulged in Shoyo’s stories, so deeply captivated by Shoyo’s mesmerizing eyes. He could just record Shoyo’s laugh and hit replay all day. Who would’ve thought that a person like Shoyo, would have so many burdens – he’d lose his will to live.
Shoyo made him want more. He wanted to know more, about Shoyo. He wanted to spend more time with Shoyo. Shoyo, was more interesting than playing his video games. On Shoyo’s way home, he smiles to himself. All he wanted today was just one simple thing and he’d want to hold on for his life.
But, he was given more than that. Kenma’s smile, it was brief but it was something he’d want to see over and over again. His hands, that were warm and soft he desired to hold them for at least a while longer. And, his eyes – Hell. He wanted to get lost in them.
“Oh shit! I didn’t even ask for his number.” He sighed. His wonderful day has now turned again into a dreadful one. He slumps on his bed removing his jacket. When he checks the pockets he sees a calling card. Kozume Kenma (Kodzuken). Shoyo’s joy can’t be contained. He actually slipped his card in Shoyo’s jacket. He saved the number and after a week of debating whether he should or not, he texted.
To: Kenma
Thank you again. It’s me Shoyo.
Not a minute after, he received a reply.
Fr: Kenma
Thank you too, Shoyo. I really had a fun time with you.
Shoyo places his phone next to his nightstand. He asked Kenma to have dinner with him tomorrow but he hadn’t received a reply. Maybe, he was streaming?. Shoyo closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep. When he hears, his phone ring.
Tobio. He answers it. “What is it? It’s late.” He hears Tobio laughing on the other side of the phone “Boke! You know Kodzuken?!” Shoyo was confused. He hadn’t told Tobio about that yet. How’d he know? “How did you know?” It was a few moments later but he hears on the other line.
“…Oh, and to my friend Shoyo. I’d love to have dinner with you. I’m sorry I can’t reply to you yet because I’m live!” Oh. Hell. No. He announced it to all his viewers?! Shoyo feels his face burn up.
He couldn’t sleep. He was so excited yet, so nervous. He knew that he shouldn’t be having these feelings but he can’t help it. He heard his phone ring again. This time, it was the person he had been waiting for. Kenma.
He answers it. “Shoyo, you aren’t asleep yet?” Shoyo laughed at Kenma’s opening line. “If you thought that I’d be asleep then, why’d you call?” This time, it was Kenma’s turn to laugh. “Well, I did kinda hope you were still awake.” Shoyo felt his heart beat faster. He bit his lip, trying to contain his excitement.
The two of them had continued talking ‘til they were seeing sunlight from their windows. “Shoyo, you’d better rest.” Shoyo sleepily nods, as if he thought Kenma could see him. “Shoyo?” Kenma asks but there wasn’t anyone answering him anymore. “I’ll see you later, Shoyo.” He chuckles before ending the call. Shoyo had this charm, that made you want to talk to him. He thought to himself.
That night, Kenma picked up Shoyo from his apartment. When Shoyo heard the doorbell ring, his heart was beating fast again. He opened the door, seeing Kenma fidgeting on his phone again. He chuckled, earning Kenma’s attention as the blonde glances up to Shoyo.
“You look beautiful.” He said, making Shoyo blush. His heart, wanting to escape from his chest. And then they both feel a tight tug, Shoyo holds onto his chest while Kenma helped Shoyo to maintain standing up.
“Are you okay?” Shoyo nods at him. He was so sure that Kenma also held a hand on his chest the moment he did. Was he Shoyo’s soulmate? “I’m fine.” He gives Kenma a smile before they both got out. The ride to the restaurant was quiet. Maybe because of the incident that happened earlier.
Their dinner went smoothly though. They continued getting to know each other, Shoyo told stories about when he still played volleyball. Kenma was particularly amused when Shoyo said he forgot to hit the ball one time. Seriously? Who could forget to hit a ball?
After dinner, Kenma walked Shoyo home. “Do you want to come inside?” Kenma just nods and proceeds to enter. His eyes exploring Shoyo’s apartment. It was filled with volleyballs signed by different players. There were pictures of his old teammates, trophies and medals. “Kenma, have you found your soulmate yet?” Kenma looked at him funny. “Soulmate? I guess not.” He laughs and shrugs.
“How about you, Shoyo?” Shoyo moves closer to Kenma. Their eyes were locked on each other. “I’m not sure – just yet.” Shoyo’s hands were on Kenma’s chest. He was confused. “Did you have an accident when you were 6? By the knees?” Kenma was surprised but he answers. “Yes, it was from a biking accident. How?” Shoyo continues. “When you were 10, you broke your wrist didn’t you?” Kenma nods at him. “I did. It was when I was learning how to set.” Shoyo nods. His hands slowly unbuttoning Kenma’s polo.
“When you were 12, you had a wound in your forehead.” Kenma nods at him again. Watching Shoyo, unbutton his shirt. “Yes, I fell from a tree.” Shoyo nods again. He stops as Kenma’s hands were holding his. His eyes went to the star shaped tattoo on Kenma’s chest, particularly on his heart. He traces it with his hand. “Shoyo?” Shoyo tears up. “Is this –?” Kenma starts to button his shirt up again. “It’s been there ever since I was born.” Shoyo nods, he helps Kenma to button his shirt up.
Kenma looks at his watch. “I have to go, Shoyo. But, I’ll see you?” Kenma smiles at him. Shoyo sees him to the door. As Kenma starts to walk away, he suddenly turns back. He places a kiss on Shoyo’s forehead. "I had fun.” Shoyo was stunned, he watches as Kenma waves goodbye and runs. His chest was beating so fast again. He found his soulmate. But why? Why now? Why only now?
For a week, Kenma hadn’t heard from Shoyo to his dismay. He would receive messages from Shoyo but then it’d go quiet again. After days, he was fed up. He went to Shoyo’s apartment. He pushed the doorbell but, no one answered.
“Shoyo?” He tried the doorbell again and knocked. “Shoyo?” He sat down in front of Shoyo’s apartment. He didn’t even know why this was happening to him. One day, he was carefree. All he cared about was his streams and video games. Then the next, he found himself waiting for Shoyo’s reply. He wanted to see Shoyo’s face.
“Shoyo – I don’t even know if you’re there.” He pauses for a while. “But, have I done anything wrong? I know that there’s something between us, I know you feel it too.” He stops again. “Shoyo? I don’t even know how but I might be going crazy. I just feel so attracted to you. I just want to see you again – please?” Few more minutes of silence before Kenma finally stands up. “You know where to find me.” Kenma walks away. Little did he know, on the other side of the door – Shoyo heard everything.
The very next day, Shoyo went to Kenma’s apartment. A few knocks was all it took before he answers the door. There he was, Shoyo. He was standing in front of him. The man he’d been dreaming of. Call it crazy but in a short amount of time, he’d grown close to Shoyo. Kenma hugs Shoyo, burying his face in his chest.
“I missed you, Shoyo.” Shoyo nods at him and puts his arms around Kenma. He craved for this warmth, now it was here. “I missed you too.” Kenma invited Shoyo in, making dinner for him. Kenma made Shoyo taste his cooking. “It tastes great! You’re a great cook, Kenma!” He places Kenma in a hug. He smelled like home. He felt like home.
They ate dinner and Shoyo did the dishes. Kenma can’t help but smile, watching Shoyo. He went to his bed and called in Shoyo beside him. He opened his arms and Shoyo snuggled beside him. “I like you, Shoyo. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same.” Shoyo chuckles and lays on top of Kenma. “I like you too, silly.” Was it bad? Is it bad? To be a little selfish sometimes. He thinks before he drifts off to sleep in Kenma’s arms.
The next few months, Shoyo would go to Kenma’s apartment or Kenma would go to Shoyo’s apartment. It actually became a routine. Even Kenma’s viewers want to see Shoyo on his streams, which the two politely obliges. They were not yet “exclusively” dating but everyone wishes they were. There wasn’t a day that they’d let go by without seeing each other.
“Shoyo! Food’s ready!” Shoyo excitedly goes to the table and hugs Kenma. He gives him a quick kiss before sitting down and starting to eat. “Oh! You left this the other day.” Kenma hands him a brown envelope which he immediately recognizes. He grabs the envelope from Kenma. “D—did you see what’s inside?” Kenma shakes his head. “Of course not, should I?” Shoyo immensely shakes his head. “Alright, I won’t. Don’t worry about it.” He smiles assuringly at Shoyo. Then, they went back to eating dinner and snuggling the whole evening.
One night, Kenma took Shoyo to the park where they first met. “Can I open them now?” Kenma removes his hand from Shoyo’s eyes. He opens them, in awe. They were at the very bench they first sat down together in. It had a candlelit dinner, petals all over the floor and there were fairy lights. It looked magical. Shoyo smiles at Kenma, “This is wonderful.”
After finishing dinner, they both took a walk in the park. Their hands entangled with each other. “Shoyo, I love you.” Shoyo halted at that moment, looking at Kenma. “Will you be my boyfriend, Shoyo?” Shoyo squeezes Kenma’s hand. “I’m sorry – No.” Shoyo lets go of Kenma’s hand and runs away, tears were streaming down his face.
I’m sorry, Kenma. I can’t be too selfish. He thought to himself. His heart was beating faster than ever. Then, the next thing he knows he wakes up in a hospital bed. The smell was sickening. He hated the hospital. Of course, he was in and out of here ever since he was a child. “Shoyo?” He hears Kenma’s voice call out to him. His eyes were puffy. “What are you doing here?” He coldly replies. “I know about it, Shou. Talk to me, please.” His voice breaks.
“It’s Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. His meds might have lost effect and he’s long overdue for a transplant.” Kenma’s lips pursed. “Why can’t we just do the transplant?” The doctor shakes his head. “I’m afraid it’s too late. He’s delayed it too much. He said that he’d take all the days he could just get.” The doctor paused. “I’m afraid it won’t be too long now. But, refraining from big emotions and strenuous activities would help.”
Shoyo feels Kenma hold his hands. There were something wet falling down onto them – tears. “I want you to leave, Kenma.” Kenma shakes his head in disagreement. “Shoyo, please. I don’t care if you’re sick! I don’t care if you’ll leave me! I don’t care! I love you! I just want to be with you, I want to share your pain with you, please. Let me. You’re my soulmate aren’t you? I’m destined to be with you.”
“How can you be destined to be with me if I’m dying?!” He shouts at Kenma. He wipes away the tears that were flowing in his lover’s face. “Please – leave me, while I can still let you go.” Kenma looks at him, it was the first time he’s ever seen him so serious. “What about me Shou? I’m in this too deep to just let you go.”
“Shoyo! I’m here!” Shoyo lightly opens his eyes to see his lover smiling at him, the same smile that made him fall in love. “Hi.” He smiles back. “Look! I brought you your favorite.” He takes out the wrapped bento before going to help Shoyo sit up. His condition worsened after he got admitted, without a heart transplant his condition would just deteriorate.
He’s been visiting Shoyo day and night. Sometimes, he’d even sleep there. To tell you the truth, his heart was filled with anger. It hurt so much to see him suffering and be just standing there, watching him. He wanted to be with Shoyo, forever. He dreaded every day that came. He’d run towards the hospital as if his life depended on it. This became his life, and he’d do it over and over again if it meant falling in love again with Shoyo.
“I have to go to a conference today, will you be fine?” Shoyo nodded slowly at him. He places a kiss on Shoyo. “I’ll see you later, I love you.” He’s heard it a million times but hearing Kenma say it to him every time, still felt like the first time he did. “I love you.” Kenma smiled at him and laid him on his bed.
After Kenma left, Shoyo was crying. In pain, but it wasn’t because it hurt. He was crying because he was tired. And, even without Kenma telling him he knew that he was getting tired too. They needed to minimize the contact and words they exchanged each other just to lessen the emotions Shoyo would feel. He was tired of fighting, he just wanted to rest. He wanted Kenma to have his own peace. And, that’d happen when he’s gone.
Shoyo wakes up to the blare of alarms. He stands up to see what was happening when, a stretcher passes in front of him. He was stunned. No. No. No. It can’t be. Tell me it’s not you. Please. Shoyo looks at the reflection on his mirror. He had stars all over him. He felt his knees go weak. He catches his breath as he slowly follows the way where the stretcher was headed.
One.
Two.
Three…
...Forty-Nine.
“Hi, could I sit beside you?” Fifty. You saved me, Kozume Kenma. But, you were taken away from me just as fast as you came into my life.
“Kozume Kenma, time of death: 8:49 in the evening.” Shoyo sees them covering Kenma’s bloodied body. His angelic face was covered in blood and bruises. “Stop! Stop!” He hysterically pushes them out of the way, he was crying and crying. His heart felt heavier and heavier. His breaths become hitched, as he hugs Kenma’s body.
"Live Shoyo -- for me." The only reason he ever held on was now gone. He was tired Kenma, but he kept fighting -- for you.
The pain was unbearable, it felt like his heart was getting ripped out of his chest. Literally. Even when his vision was blurring, he managed to pull the cloth covering his lover. He places a kiss on his cold lips.
Probably, the last time he ever will. “I’ll see you, later. I love you.”
Soulmates are meant to be together. Aren’t they?
"Hinata Shōyō, time of death: 8:55 in the evening."