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Juyeon actually wished that he could read minds right now, because he could not understand why Chanhee was giving him a silent treatment.
When Juyeon woke up this morning, he did not catch anything unusual. Chanhee always rose earlier than the two of them, so when he got up with Chanhee’s side of the bed empty, he did not think anything less. He did notice that the bed looked too neat, more than usual, but he figured that it was nothing than his overthinking thoughts playing with his mind.
Plus, he still could smell the sweet fragrance of warm pancake from their kitchen. Chanhee was still there, doing his usual routine, making both of them breakfast just like he always did every single morning ever since they moved in together. Juyeon walked out of their bedroom, still with his bed hair messy and eyes droopy from sleepiness, and he—like usual—moved to give Chanhee a back hug. Then something happened, which made Juyeon realized that today was not normal.
Chanhee moved before Juyeon could give him any hug. He did not even offer his cheek to be pecked by Juyeon. He did not even acknowledge Juyeon’s existence, even when Juyeon said hi and asked him what happened. It was simply as if Chanhee was cooking for two, alone.
Chanhee did not even stay for breakfast. He immediately went to the shower, put his pancake inside a plastic container, and then off he went to class, leaving Juyeon confused with all of his demeanor, alone. Juyeon then also figured out that Chanhee actually did not sleep together in the same bed as him when he saw a pile of blanket and pillow on their sofa.
What the fuck happened?
Juyeon spent the entire day trying to remember what he did wrong. Every time he thought that he figured why Chanhee was mad at him, he walked into a dead-end. He could not point on even one incident that would make Chanhee mad, because he had never done this before. Back then, even when something really bad happened, Chanhee would just greet Juyeon with a pure smile of his, accepting Juyeon inside his lean arms, hugging Juyeon like there was no tomorrow.
So, when Chanhee still gave Juyeon the cold shoulder until late at night, Juyeon could not take it anymore. He asked Chanhee once they were both at home, pulling Chanhee by his hand and locking Chanhee with him inside their bedroom so that he could not escape.
And hell was let loose.
“I saw you looking at your phone and blushed like a little girl! I never saw you like that before!” Chanhee said heatedly, still refusing to see Juyeon directly at his eyes, “And when I checked your phone—okay I understand I shouldn’t have done that but I was so worried—I saw that someone by the name Eunji,” Chanhee said the name like it was venom on his tongue, “Texted you and said that she could not forget all about last night in the hotel!”
Juyeon stared at Chanhee like he was the Ghost of the Christmas Past. It’s not because all Chanhee’s words were true; on the contrary, they were all wrong on so many levels. It was just, Juyeon knew that Chanhee had this little paranoia inside his head about their relationship; their first months of relationship was spent by Juyeon trying to make Chanhee sure that he really wanted him next to him. Chanhee thought that Juyeon could deserve better than him, where it was supposed to be the other way around.
“I—I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” between sobs, he tried to say, “It’s just, all the people were saying that you can do so much better than stuck with me and I was scared that you’d also think the same way—that’s why I—I flipped when I saw that text,” Chanhee covered his face with his palms, tears overflowed through the small gap between his fingers, “I’m sorry I doubted you, I was just scared—I’m scared because you’d think I’m not god enough for you and I—”
“Stop, Chanhee—”
“—and I am just scared that you’ve spent the whole time with me, suffocating and I—”
“—Chanhee, stop!”
Juyeon’s loud yell immediately stopped Chanhee, even though small sobs still escaped from his mouth. Juyeon did not like raising his voice when talking to Chanhee, but he did not listen. It ate him alive to see Chanhee feeling small and weak and not deserving happiness because every single friend he had told him so. Instead of yelling, Juyeon took Chanhee’s hand and made him sit on his lap.
“Eunji was my colleague. We took a photoshoot for a magazine inside a hotel. There were so many staffs there too. Remember that, sweetie? Remember the magazine thing that I told you?” Juyeon spoke softly, taking Chanhee’s fingers with him, treading it gently. He traced Chanhee’s tear stains on his pale cheeks, sighing deeply. “Love, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. It was me who is lucky to have you. I can’t be even happier if I’m not with you.”
Chanhee hugged Juyeon, so gently like Juyeon could break. “I know I was unbearable today. I was so scared. And now I’m embarrassed for acting like shit. I’m so very sorry that I doubted you.”
“I know love, I know.” Juyeon pats his back, kissing Chanhee’s temple, trying to hush the sobs that followed after, “But please remember, okay Chanhee? Promise me that you’ll always remember that I have, and will always, love you, it seems like I’ve done it even before we were born.”