Work Text:
運命
— unmei ; Japanese of the word "Destiny" —
“Iwa… chan?”
Oikawa’s chocolate coloured eyes were frozen and wide, left staring at the sight in front of him. Seemingly all in one go, it was as if all his body parts stopped functioning properly. The room he was in was air-conditioned, but he felt too hot and too cold at the same time. He felt like his heart had stopped, yet he could still hear each pulse beat loudly in his ears.
His boyfriend of a few months (despite being together for almost their entire lives) had… well, he had a girl almost on top of him. Oikawa felt like screaming, but his voice came out as just a whisper. His boyfriend hadn’t noticed him yet, so he was left staring at Iwaizumi making out with some girl at the bar. A girl who looked hauntingly similar to Iwaizumi’s previous girlfriend. Some part of Oikawa’s brain was able to process that there was someone— or was it more than one person?— who was calling out his name. Despite that, Oikawa could not move. Of all possible opportunities for time to slow down, it had to be when he was staring at Iwaizumi kissing someone who was decidedly not him.
A hand made its way to Oikawa’s shoulder, and that was (thankfully) enough to wake the pretty setter up from what seemed like a nightmare. All of a sudden, the bar’s loud music mixed with different voices was too much for Oikawa. Time started moving normally again, and he regained his ability to move. He turned to the source of the hand on his shoulder, to go face to face with one of Iwaizumi’s university friends who was giving him an apologetic look. Oikawa turned around to Iwaizumi’s general direction again when he heard Kindaichi’s loud voice rise above the loud noises of the speakers. At this point, Oikawa’s eyes had a distant look in them. As if he had to detach himself from the situation he was in, or else he would fall apart. Yes. he was sure that there was no way in hell he wouldn’t cry if he didn’t distance himself from the sight in front of him.
Eventually, Kindaichi was able to pull the long-haired blonde off of Iwaizumi. The spiky-haired friend even tried to slap Iwaizumi awake, since the latter’s eyes were all hazy and droopy— probably from way too much alcohol intake. Kindaichi, with Iwaizumi leaning on him, began moving towards Oikawa. All the setter wanted to do at that moment was run away, really, but he knew that Kindaichi called him to the bar specifically to pick his boyfriend up. Thankfully, the rational side of Oikawa’s mind won. Because of that, he stayed rooted in his position as the pair approached him. He wasn’t going to run away, but he had no plans to walk towards his boyfriend with red lipstick all over his face and neck either.
Kindaichi’s lips were moving, so Oikawa assumed he must be saying something— something along the lines of an apology, maybe. The seemingly tough spiker had tears and some hint of nervousness in his eyes, so it was clearly something emotional. Oikawa couldn’t hear anything, though. Well, he could hear things— he could hear the bar’s noise. A lot of noise. It was just that his mind couldn’t comprehend anything.
Without words, he took his boyfriend from Kindaichi’s arms and began walking back to the car he brought to pick Iwaizumi up. Without a glance at anyone or anything, Oikawa plopped Iwaizumi onto the back seats of the car and drove home to their apartment… their apartment. Their home.
Hah. Home.
It was an honest miracle that Oikawa made it home without any accidents, considering the fact that his mind held nothing but the image of his boyfriend in the arms of another. He supposed that learning to control his emotions in highschool did him well. If he didn’t numb himself, he might have left Imaizumi in some alley along the way home. Well, aside from the numbing, Oikawa knew that he didn't have it in him to do that to the man he loved. Regardless of their situation, one glance at his childhood friend reminded Oikawa that there was nothing he wouldn’t endure for this man. At this point, Oikawa wasn’t sure if that was a strength or a weakness. Iwaizumi Hajime was both Oikawa Tooru’s strength and weakness, that was for sure.
Oikawa turned the car off and walked to their apartment’s door to open it before attempting to carry his boyfriend all the way. After opening the door and preparing Iwaizumi’s bed, Oikawa returned to the car to drag the said man inside. Most of the trip was simple and quiet enough. Years of volleyball training made it easier for Oikawa to carry Iwaizumi without much hardship, so he was able to bring him to the bed before Iwaizumi’s lips started moving. In Oikawa’s numbed state, he refused to let himself hear what his boyfriend would say. He was sure that he would get no sleep that night if he had to listen to his boyfriend call out someone else’s name in his sleep. Oikawa was strong, but not that strong.
Oikawa tucked Iwaizumi into his bed, covered in his white and teal polka-dotted comforter. The man wanted something darker, like a nice navy blue, but the level of comfort their blanket gave was unmatched. Oikawa felt his lips tilt into the smallest of smiles at the sudden surge of memories. Memories of him and Iwaizumi cuddled under that blanket… they never had to do anything out of the ordinary, really. Just being next together, all wrapped up… it was enough for them both— more than enough for Oikawa.
When Iwaizumi began snoring, and Oikawa was sure he was asleep, the playful boy felt himself fall apart. Finally, he allowed himself to feel things, and everything came rushing to him at the same time. Too much. There was too much to process and think about, but only a series of images of Iwaizumi with the bar girl popped up in Oikawa’s mind. Images and pain… so much pain.
Oikawa’s deep and purposeful breaths became short and ragged in an instant. He collapsed and found himself sitting by the floor next to Iwaizumi’s bed, clutching his head. Quietly, it felt as if gallons of tears were making their way down his face. He could do nothing but hold himself as he felt his insides falling apart. Oikawa held himself tighter and tighter as if by doing this, he would feel less broken. Nothing made him feel less broken at that moment.
It felt as if he completely blacked out. He wasn’t next to his boyfriend in their apartment. Oikawa didn't feel he even really existed on Earth at that moment— he felt like he was simply in darkness. Now, at the crux of his heartbreak, Oikawa felt nothing but pain. Nothing else registered in his mind. No thoughts, no images, no memories— only pain.
Iwaizumi’s voice was the one to rip Oikawa out of the black hole he found himself in. The despair of the question “am I not enough?” was like black tar to Oikawa. It only covered him, making him sink deeper into it— making it almost impossible to breathe. Despite Iwaizumi’s sin against Oikawa, his voice worked like magic in waking him up. Small syllables were coming out of Iwaizumi’s mouth, and Oikawa released his death grip on his own body to move towards his boyfriend.
“Tooru…”
The sound of his name in Iwaizumi’s voice only made Oikawa cry even more. Only this time, he wasn’t sure what he felt. Oikawa sat on the floor, still crying and staring at Iwaizumi’s sleeping face, as Iwaizumi continued to call out his name.
“Tooru, please…”