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“That boy is pathetic. He dotes on you like you’re the Queen of England or something.” Petunia rolled her eyes as she sat at the bay window, twirling her thin blonde hair as she watched Severus Snape come into view. He was creeping around their front lawn again, no doubt hoping Lily would come out.
“Why doesn’t he just ring the bell? He’s such a weirdo. Be careful, Lily. Just because you’re a witch and you go to that crazy school, it doesn’t mean you have to associate with people like him. I’m sure you can find a somewhat decent wizard boy.” The judgmental sister declared with her nose in the air.
Now it was Lily’s turn to roll her eyes. “Sev is my friend and he’s been my friend for years. Nothing will change that so it’s about time you stop insulting him.” She snapped and then went outside, preferring the company of the only other person in her muggle town who she knew wasn’t a muggle, to the company of her eternally bitter, catty and jealous elder sister.
Petunia huffed indignantly as she watched Lily run out the door, and continued to sit at the bay window, simmering with anger but unable to unglue her eyes from the window.
The older Evans sister preferred observing and judging to participating. It kept her heart safe. She would never forget her greatest blunder, her biggest embarrassment: researching how witches and wizards sent mail and then proceeding to write and send a letter to Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, practically begging him to let her attend his wonderful school, and then promptly being rejected.
Anyone who interacted with Petunia would be shocked that she had done such a thing and that was because there were two things, two secrets that Petunia Evans kept buried deep inside of herself.
1. She loved her little sister dearly and felt lonely without her.
2. She loved magic, more than anything, but in a cruel twist of fate, magic belonged to her sister and not to her.
If Petunia was going to live the rest of her life in relative peace and happiness then she would need to learn how to live without Lily and without magic, how to feel fulfilled without them.
The only way she could think of coping with the loss of her sister’s company and her lack of magic was by rejecting them. She was only sixteen and she was already too jaded and cynical.
Of course, she could not foresee the dark path she was headed down, the path of lifelong resentment. From her youthful perspective, she was protecting herself and doing a good job of it.
The bony blonde girl sighed. It was cold enough for the windows to start getting fogged up and so she started mindlessly drawing on them with her fingers.
Petunia didn’t like to participate but she did like to eavesdrop and stick her nose in places it didn’t belong. After sipping her third cup of tea and looking at the clock and realizing Lily still hadn’t come in, she found herself tempted to go outside and do some snooping.
Of course, she would never forget the one time that she had spied on Lily and Severus when they were kids and Severus, seeking revenge against her, nearly killed her with a tree branch he had made fall using magic. The memory made her blood run cold and sent a shiver down her spine. That had to be one of the most traumatic events of her life.
“Ugh, that awful boy!” She thought.
For all her insults, sneering and tough talk, Petunia was actually legitimately terrified of Severus Snape. Maybe that was why she preferred insulting him at a distance these days, only for Lily’s ears.
But now that they were teenagers, Petunia didn’t think that Severus would try to harm her again, at least not in front of Lily and there was a reason for this. It became quite apparent to Petunia, as she reached the age in which love and romance came to occupy a girl’s heart and mind, that Severus loved Lily. So, he would not dare do something that would upset her, and although Lily and Petunia didn’t see eye to eye on almost anything, hurting Petunia would most definitely upset Lily.
Petunia made a gagging sound as she sipped her tea again and began talking to herself. “It’s so cliche! Of course he likes Lily. That boy thinks he’s so different and special and unique, ha! He’s just like everyone else! Everyone loves Lily. Oh and how predictable! It’s not enough that boys who are actually attractive and from good parts of town take an interest in Lily, she also has to have a poor, greasy boy from Spinner’s End put her on a pedestal and do all her bidding, like some sleazy dime novel romance!”
The grey-eyed girl could feel her blood boiling and it wasn’t from the piping hot cup of tea she had just downed in a rather un-ladylike fashion. Although, she did feel as if the tea had lost its taste, as if her thoughts had somehow sullied it and made it taste like medicine, making her want to gag even more.
She sensed sometimes that her coping mechanisms weren’t healthy but she was in too deep already. Not to mention, she was expecting her period any day now and that certainly didn’t help improve the quality of her thoughts or mood.
Petunia, sick of thinking about how lovable her sister was compared to her and thinking about that awful, awful boy, decided to occupy her mind with a lovely fiction novel instead. She picked up Pride and Prejudice off the shelf. “Ah yes, classic literature and a romance that’s tasteful not tacky.” She thought, as she settled into her cozy reading chair next to the bay window seat.
In peaceful silence, Petunia finished the novel and fell asleep, happily dreaming about dark, brooding men like Mr. Darcy. He was too perfect; rich, cold on the outside but incredibly warm and passionate beneath the exterior. Petunia thought a guy like that was much more preferable to a filthy, poor, doting boy like Severus Snape. She pitied her sister for having such a deplorable person chasing her around all the time, even if she was actually friends with the fool.
In the morning, Petunia awoke in disbelief that she had fallen asleep on a chair in the living room. It was so out of character for her. She felt gross for not having brushed her teeth or her hair the night before.
She could smell eggs and sausage coming from the kitchen and she could hear the sounds of Lily and their parent’s laughter. Petunia didn’t bother to join them. She hated how her parents acted whenever Lily was home for the holidays, fawning all over her, just like that Snape boy. Petunia cringed thinking about the undeserved special treatment her sister got just because she could wave a wand around.
Not to mention, Petunia was watching her figure anyway so eggs and sausage wouldn’t do, she’d have an apple later. She knew she didn’t need to worry about her weight. In fact, compared to Lily, she thought she was perhaps too skinny, bony even. But she knew the beautiful curves Lily had weren’t something she would magically develop just from eating some extra calories here and there. Knowing Petunia’s rotten luck, those extra calories would probably go to her stomach as opposed to the other places she wished she had more fat in.
So, the older, somewhat horse-faced Evans sister went upstairs to make herself look presentable. Then, after deciding that she really didn’t feel like interacting with her family but also couldn’t stand being in the house anymore, especially with the smell of food wafting in the air and the sounds of happy laughter that she wasn’t apart of, went downstairs, grabbed her green peacoat with the silver buttons and stepped out the door.
The frosty winter air was a welcome reprieve from the almost claustrophobic coziness of home.
Little did Petunia Evans know, at exactly the same time as her, down in Spinner’s End, Severus Snape was also getting ready for the day. He put on his green coat with the silver trim. The coat originally belonged to Lucius Malfoy, a fellow Slytherin who had taken Severus under his wing when he was a first-year. Severus knew Malfoy looked down on him for being poor and a half-blood but that didn’t stop him from acknowledging Severus’s giftedness and Malfoy was always ready to help out people he might be able to use later down the line. Sev knew that but he didn’t care; he was just happy to own an expensive item of clothing that fit him well.
He stepped outside and let the frigid winter air fill his lungs. It was a welcome reprieve from his stuffy, almost claustrophobic home.
Petunia didn’t have a destination; she was walking aimlessly, walking just to clear her head. A lot of thoughts swirled through her mind, thoughts about her family, food, Pride and Prejudice, her own teenage angst and feelings of inadequacy. Yep, she was definitely gonna get her period soon but she was also being her usual anxiety-riddled self in many ways.
Her thoughts and feelings led her to an old, nostalgic, sentimental spot - the open field that acted as a buffer zone between her nice, middle class neighborhood and the poorer side of town, Spinner’s end.
The open field, with its green grass and huge trees reminded her of a Bronte novel. She could easily picture herself sent back in time, traipsing through the wild, windy moors. Petunia liked to read a lot. You would too if your actual life was as empty and disappointing as hers.
Not to mention, school was the only place where she received any type of praise. She had unfortunately garnered a reputation for being a teacher’s pet but she was fairly pretty, put together and had good social skills so she wasn’t too low on the social food chain. She knew how to navigate life and she could be pretty damn manipulative when she needed to get her way. Her reputation and her own sense of self preservation meant everything to her.
Petunia Evans, ironically, was not unlike her sister in that she was a fighter. The difference between the sisters however, was that while Lily fought for others, Petunia fought purely for herself.
It didn’t matter that Petunia excelled at school though. She didn’t go to Hogwarts and when you knew such a place existed, it was hard to care about your own drab school. Besides, she didn’t want to work. She wanted to have a family and stay at home, cooking, decorating the house, reading, all of her favorite quiet hobbies.
After walking a bit, Petunia found the forgotten, worn-out swing that hung from one of the large tree branches and she sat down on it. To her surprise, she started to cry and she thanked the heavens that she was alone and that if someone did happen to see her, she could always just pretend it was the nippy winter air making her eyes tear up.
Severus didn’t have a destination. He was walking just to clear his head. A lot of thoughts swirled through his minds, thoughts about his violent, alcoholic father, his sweet but absent-minded and weak-willed mother, Lily Evan’s smile and some less appropriate thoughts about her that he wasn’t proud of and finally, his own teenage angst and feelings of inadequacy. He had been having a bad time back at home for the holidays but he was also being his usual melancholic and anxious self in many ways.
His thoughts and feelings led him to an old, nostalgic spot- the open field that acted as a buffer zone between his shitty neighborhood and Lily Evan’s respectable, middle-class neighborhood.
The open field, with its green grass and huge trees always made him think of the Hogwarts grounds, his true home, even if he did have to deal with a lot of idiots, like James Potter and Sirius Black there. He cringed at the thought of them and their antics.
Severus hated muggles but he liked to read and he never gave much thought to whether an author was a muggle or a wizard; a good story was a good story. You would read as much as him too, if your actual life was as empty and disappointing as his.
Walking through the field, trying not to think of his school bullies, he found himself thinking of his favorite books instead. When he wasn’t editing his potions or defense against the dark arts textbooks to make them more advanced, he liked reading fiction. Russian literature, like Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, were among his favorites. Those Russian writers understood true pain and the plight of oppression.
It didn’t matter how brilliant Severus was, how much his professors praised him; he was poor, a half-blood in Slytherin, and lacking the talent to converse well with strangers. He knew he would never amount to anything.
After walking a bit, Severus stumbled upon something, or someone rather, that he wasn’t expecting.
Sitting in the worn-out tree swing was a crying Petunia Evans.
If he were still a child, Severus would have been delighted. He would have mocked her, felt victory over her for discovering her in such a vulnerable state. After all, was the horse-faced, good for nothing muggle not his first tormentor? Sure, there had been muggle bullies before her but she was the first relentless one, sort of a female version of the marauders.
But Severus was a bit older now and although he still harbored hatred for Petunia Evans, he hadn’t exchanged any words with her in years. Not only that, but if he wanted to stay in Lily’s good graces then picking on her sister was surely not the thing to do. Finally, he also felt rather distressed over seeing a girl by herself crying, even if that girl had been the biggest bitch on the planet growing up.
He wanted to walk away but instead found himself glued to where he stood, unable to take his eyes off of, ironically, Petunia Evans of all people. He was experiencing such a strange mix of emotions, watching her cry in public, albeit in an isolated area.
Petunia, after a few minutes of just letting the tears pour, looked up and to her horror, saw that Severus Snape, of all people, was looking back up at her from a few feet away. “Just my rotten luck.” She thought.
“Oh shit.” Severus thought. “She’s looking at me.” He hadn’t expected her to stop sobbing so suddenly.
Petunia could feel her heart racing. The scene played over and over again in her mind, the tree branch nearly missing her head.
“Is she…” Severus thought. It took him a few moments to register, “she’s scared. I can feel her fear. She was the great big bully when we were kids and it’s been ages since then but she’s really afraid of me.” He felt a weird mix of feelings again. He didn’t want a girl to be afraid of him, even if it was Petunia Evans. It gave him a sick feeling, like how he felt when his dad hit his mom.
Petunia jumped off the swing and tried to pretend like she hadn’t seen that awful boy, even though it was obvious she had. They had made clear eye contact for quite some time. She strode away as quickly as she could.
Severus didn’t want to run after her, worrying that it would frighten her more but how could he tell Lily that he saw her sister crying all alone and didn’t do anything? So, against his better judgement, he did chase after her.
“Petunia, wait!” He cried out and caught up with her.
“Great, he’s following me. My rotten luck. My rotten luck.” Petunia mumbled repeatedly.
“What does my sister see in this boy? What does he see in her? Okay, I know the answer to that latter question but still…” She thought to herself.
Petunia took a deep breath. “Ha. Ha. Ha. You caught me Severus. Congratulations. It’s been years since you tried to kill me with a tree branch, since you and my sister went snooping through my stuff and found that mortifying letter I wrote to your headmaster, and now you find me crying my eyes out on a swing. I’m sure you’re happy to find me in such a miserable state but I’m not in the mood for your insults and I don’t have any insults of my own for you, so please, just let me go home in peace and you can do the same.”
Severus looked shocked. He had not expected that little speech. He almost pitied her, almost sympathized with her even. He knew what it was like to just want to be alone, to want to pity yourself in private even if you were in a public place.
“I...I was just going for a walk and then I saw you. I’m not here to mock your or insult you or whatever. I just wanted to see if you were alright. It would be an understatement to say you’re not my favorite person, Petunia, but you are Lily’s sister and we’re not kids anymore. Believe it or not, you’re not the only person with manners. I have the common decency to check in on people who look distraught, even vile people like you.”
“Lily’s sister,” Petunia latched onto that description. “I don’t need an awful boy like you checking in on me, thank you very much, especially when your care is based solely on the condition that the matter is something that will be upsetting to my sister. Gosh, sometimes I don’t know who vexes me more, you or my sister! I see the way you dote on her and it’s pathetic! Anyway, I’m going home now and Lily will probably be the first person I see when I walk through the door, so no need to worry your greasy little head over poor Petunia.” She spat.
Severus crossed his arms and sneered. “You haven’t changed a bit.” He said icily. “Just as stuck up and caustic as ever. Fine, if, Merlin, forbid, I ever have the misfortune of running into you again, I’ll be sure to look the other way.”
Petunia turned away in a huff and practically ran back home. When she opened the door, she was relieved that her sister and her parents were still in the kitchen, doing the dishes together now it seemed.
She occupied her favorite spot on the bay window seat, still reeling from the events that had just unfolded. It was bad enough that Severus Snape had seen her crying, but she couldn’t believe that he had the audacity to approach her.
It was odd, seeing him so up close, when these days she was so used to seeing him from afar, from the other side of the window. She remembered, initially being struck by how tall he was now, a detail that was not as striking from afar. She was even more struck by the luxurious coat that he had been wearing, a coat that to her vexation, matched her own, only his was more masculine of course. Strange thoughts swirled in her mind, about the folly of first impressions, how people change and surprise you. She swore he had been carrying a book under his arm and wondered what on earth someone like him would read for fun.
Petunia shook her head vigorously. She refused to have any positive thoughts about that awful boy, not even one. Still, one thought kept nagging her. What if she hadn’t run away or been so rude.
What if?
No, it didn’t matter. “He’s poor, he’s pathetic, he’s a wizard and worst of all, he’s in love with Lily. He’s the embodiment of everything I despise.”
But Petunia doesn’t despise Lily and she doesn’t despise magic. There are two things she would never want to live without: Lily and magic.
She won’t admit that though, not even to herself anymore these days.
So then, she certainly won’t admit that maybe, deep down, she has a thing for tall, dark, broody boys, not just in fiction but in real life as well.
She returns to looking out the window and lets out a sigh of relief. “It’s safer by the window.” She thinks as she sips another cup of tea and begins to read Wuthering Heights.
Severus returns home later that day. His parents are in the kitchen, having a fight. His father flings a beer bottle at his mother’s head. It narrowly misses and hits the wall instead, smashing into a hundred pieces.
The sallow teen goes up to his room and sits at his window and takes out his copy of War and Peace and begins reading, getting lost in the pages. When he gets distracted, it’s not by thoughts of Lily Evans for once, but thoughts of Petunia. He realizes, for the first time, uncomfortably, that they’re more alike than he’d like to believe. It occurs to him that she puts walls up and uses sarcasm and harshness as a shield, just like he does.
He shakes his head vigorously, refusing to see Petunia in any positive sort of light. So what if they share some similarities? She’s still not worth talking to or even thinking about, by virtue of being a stupid muggle.
Sev hears more shouting coming from downstairs. He sighs. “At least, I’m safer here, by the window.” He thinks as he turns to the next chapter.
Petunia Evans and Severus Snape never spoke again after this encounter. Both of them clung tightly to their pride and their prejudice for the rest of their lives.
One wonders what may have happened if they had met again…
A missed connection ~