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The morning after Shinichi finally ended his fight with the BO, Kaito woke to a full sized Shinichi in bed next to him and thought, I want this for the rest of my life. Shinichi was still under the effects of the temporary antidote he took the day before but it wouldn’t last much longer. The thought of the approaching end of their time together before he was back to Conan and forced to return to being an elementary school kid under the care of his childhood best friend left a bittersweet ache in Kaito’s heart. Temporary. Everything in their lives was temporary. Shinichi was temporarily changed into a child, he temporarily could become himself again sometimes, Kaito was only temporarily supposed to don the KID persona for the sake of answers, the two of them were only working together temporarily for the sake of taking down the BO, the time they could have together was only temporary… and it would be ending again soon.
Kaito didn’t know when he would be able to wake up with Shinichi again. He didn’t know when he would be able to open his eyes and see a full sized Shi ni chi sleeping so peacefully next to him, within arms reach. Didn’t know when he would be able to kiss him again, hold him again, love him again without a care in the world. What Kaito did know was, it would be when not if . He had no doubt; they got that far, there was nothing left that could stop them from finding their happily ever after. Or so he thought.
***
Conan wasn’t sure what happened. In the span of a few minutes he went from cursing his small body for making it so hard to keep up with KID’s long strides to… he couldn’t move. He could barely keep his eyes open.
He remembered opening the door to the roof, seeing KID waiting for him in the moonlight with his cape billowing out behind him. Conan had walked closer, was just about to open his mouth to continue the banter started downstairs, then a flash of something. I must have jumped in front of him. He didn’t even think about it, couldn’t remember doing it, but the only possibility is that Conan leapt in front of KID when the reflection caught his attention. It’s not the first time I’ve been shot… but it might be the last time. He couldn’t help thinking it would be a terrible way to die. It doesn’t even hurt. Just when he thought things might be looking up. I broke KID’s one big rule. I’m sorry Kaito. His eyes finally focused and locked on the most beautiful violet eyes he would ever see even if he lived to eternity. Oh Kaito. Those same violet eyes were now filling with tears, monocle missing, tears streaming down his face and softly landing on Conan’s own. I didn’t want this. I don’t want it to end like this. Please. KID’s once pristine suit was smeared with red that clashed terribly with what KID stood for. I don’t want to be the one to hurt you like this. One white gloved hand rose to Conan’s face but even that was no longer clean. KID’s attempt to wipe away his own fallen tears from Conan’s face resulted in more smeared red. I’m so sorry Kaito. I wanted forever with you. KID’s mouth was moving but Conan couldn’t hear the words. I wanted to be your forever, Kaito. I love you.
***
When Shinichi finally woke up that morning, he and Kaito made their way over to professor Agasa’s house to meet up with Haibara about the data they found during the take down. Kaito had managed to not only get a flash drive with the complete files on the drug but to scrub all their digital security and send all the information stored on their personal servers to a remote location. Due to the nature of the information, Shinichi and Kaito worked out a plan so that only the people they absolutely trusted were allowed access to it on their terms and only after the two of them and Haibara went through it in case there were files they deemed too dangerous to exist.
As expected, Haibara had never left her lab so while Kaito went to the kitchen to whip together a decent breakfast for everyone, Shinichi went downstairs. The walk back upstairs was mostly silent aside from Haibara asking Shinichi how he was feeling. Haibara seemed to be lost in thought; the silence lasted all through their meal and most of their second cup of tea.
“I think I can make a permanent antidote with the data you gave me.” Shinichi’s heart stopped. This was what he was waiting for. “I’m not sure how long it will take and I’m not 100% certain it will be successful but the data you found fills in many of the gaps so far.”
Shinichi didn’t know what to say; was it too much to jump up and hug her? Should he scream ‘hallelujah’ at the top of his lungs? He should probably do something soon, she was starting to chew her bottom lip. “Thank you, Haibara. Really, thank you.” Shinichi did his best not to smile like a loon; that was Kaito’s job.
“I make no promises, Kudo. I haven’t finished piecing everything together and I still don’t know if it will be possible to even create a permanent antidote without a state of the art lab. The antidote will have to be specifically designed for you which equals a smaller range of error… and it still carries with it the high possibility of death same as the original drug.”
“You’ll figure it out. I know it.” Shinichi couldn’t help but be confident she would be successful. In a way, he had to be; he refused to think of never being himself again. The Edogawa name was suffocating him, drowning him in lies he couldn’t bear to live under for the rest of his life.
***
This can’t be happening. Shinichi was finally getting past everything. They were moving forward the best they could; it wasn’t what either of them wanted but it was something. He couldn’t just die on him now. Not like this. Not now. Shinichi! Kaito didn’t know what to do. There was so much blood. I can’t lose you, Shinichi! He was drawing a blank. All of his infinite plans and back up plans and back up plans of back up plans meant nothing. My world ends with you, Shinichi. Everything else fell to the background; Kaito was deaf and blind to everything that wasn’t Shinichi. We were supposed to have more time. The only thing that mattered was finding a way to save Shinichi. There had to be something. You haven’t seen the rose hybrid I made for you. Something. We are supposed to grow old together. Something. I haven’t asked you. Something. Please don’t leave me alone, Shinichi. Anything. I love you. I can’t do this without you.
***
After breakfast, Haibara went back to her lab to give Kaito and Shinichi a moment together before Shinichi would have to go down and wait out the last of the temporary antidote and Kaito would have to go back to his normal life. As far as most people knew, Kaito and Shinichi didn’t even know each other. No one even knew about their relationship aside from the two of them.
Neither wanted to part but they also didn’t know what to say. How is a person supposed to just say goodbye to the one they love when they don’t even know when they might be together again? Silently, the two made their way to the entryway, seeking a little more privacy.
“Shinichi, are you sure about this? I mean the antidote. If it’s that dangerous…” Kaito wasn’t usually so hesitant and awkward. Shinichi thought it was cute.
“I’m positive. I fell in love with you that first time, before we met. The first time you surprised me was the moment I knew you were going to be forever on my mind. I wanted to find you again when it was over, I still didn’t even know who you were, but I never got the chance. Everything changed so fast after that...” Shinichi paused and let the knowledge of what he meant give weight to the moment of silence.
“The next time, when we actually met, I thought maybe it could be you, I wasn’t sure, I never got to find out who made me feel so alive that day. Then you were there, floating down out of the sky like some ethereal being. For the first time since everything changed you made me feel like me again. You saved my life, gave me a reason to keep going. I wanted to reach the end of this massive task I took on if only to meet you on even ground again. I need to be me again so I can stand beside you as an equal.” Voicing all of that out loud was hard for Shinichi but he knew Kaito needed to hear it. Kaito deserved to know.
Kaito knew what Shinichi’s answer would be from the start but he still had to hear it out loud. “Shinichi, you couldn’t be anything else even if you tried. It doesn’t matter if you’re you or Conan.” Needing to break the heaviness of the moment, Kaito could help but add, “ I also couldn’t help but to notice you called me an angel.” Kaito winked at Shinichi before stealing a quick kiss and smiling when Shinichi hid his face in his shirt.
“More like a devil,” Shinichi mumbled into Kaito’s chest. Both trying to hide his blush and savoring the moment, Shinichi clung to him and Kaito held him tight in return.
Finally breaking away, Kaito stepped away from Shinichi and left. They would meet again. They always did.
***
It felt like several long hours passed before Kaito finally picked up Conan’s cell phone and called the only person he could. Please answer. The phone rang. Please. The phone rang a second time. Please pick up. A third time. You always answer. Mid ring Kaito heard a click… then silence. He held his breath.
“Who is this?”
Finally. “He- he’s been shot. I can’t, there has to be something you can do. Please.” Silence.
“Bring him here.” Click.
***
The next time Kaito met with Shinichi, he was Conan once again and the smile he once had was gone. Kaito didn’t have to ask what happened; he overheard the entire conversation. The re was no cure.
“Shinichi?” Conan’s small body was facing the window, having hidden himself away in the Kudo mansion after getting the news, staring out at the moonlit landscape while seeing nothing at all.
“Shinichi doesn’t exist anymore. He’s never coming back.” To be more exact, there was a cure but it was no longer possible for him. Shinichi had built up enough tolerance that a high enough dose necessary to get a result would certainly kill him.
“Shinichi we—“
“Stop saying that name! He’s dead and he’s never coming back!” Unable to hold back anymore, Kaito rushed to his love’s side and pulled him into his arms. The last of Conan’s strength fell away as he collapsed into Kaito. Silent sobs wracked his body while tears quickly soaked Kaito’s shirt.
Kaito was at a loss; there was nothing he could say or do to take away his pain. ‘ Everything will be okay’ couldn’t be further from the truth and ‘we’ll figure something out’ was just as meaningless. The only thing he could do for Shinichi was hold him as long as it took for the sobs to fade away. So he did. With Conan still tight in his arms, Kaito slowly let himself sink to the floor. Where they stayed until Conan fell asleep.
The next morning Conan woke up in bed with Kaito and it felt nothing like that morning not so long ago.
***
To anyone looking up toward the sky that night, the sight must have been horrendous. Kid was soaked in the blood of the body he was carrying, soaring through the sky like some sort of demon holding tight to its prey. Kaito couldn’t care less.
It was fortunate that the entire task force had been incapacitated, traps were a thief’s best friend, long before everything went wrong but… again… Kaito couldn’t care less.
The only thing on his mind as he glided through the sky was Shinichi. Indeed, Kaito’s only thought was, you’re going to be okay, repeated over and over in his head like a prayer. If anyone could see him up close, they would see his tears falling for the boy he loves, the slight shake of his body as he fought hard to maintain control of himself and the glider. And if anyone saw that, their heart would break for the poor thief. Instead, only his doves were witness to his pain.
Just a little long er Shinichi.
***
Over the following weeks Kaito worked hard to draw Conan out of his depression. He quickly learned that calling the boy ‘Shinichi’ caused more harm than good and bringing up any sort of solution was a sure fire way to make him withdraw. Instead, Kaito took to hiding puzzles in Conan’s books or school notes and leaving hidden messages for him around the detective agency and his school. Kaito still couldn’t see Conan out in the open but that didn’t prevent him from dropping in in disguise. The disguises themselves helped and Kaito made an effort to try everything from being a mime to a teenage girl in goth lolita. The day Conan spotted him disguised as Heiji Hattori’s mother Kaito knew they would get past it. Conan did a double take before smiling and laughing a little.
After that, Kaito put forth even more effort into everything he did to help Conan and, though the sadness still lingered, the darkness around him was parting. Soon enough, Kaito figured it was time to plan a heist.
***
Opening the front door to KID soaked in blood with Conan limp in his arms might have been startling if Haibara hadn’t been expecting it. Of course, the thought didn’t even occur to Kaito. Priorities elsewhere, Kaito rushed into the house and hurried down to her lab without out even a backwards glance at the small scientist. Kaito only listened for her footsteps to be sure she followed.
As soon as he laid Conan down, he stepped away to allow Haibara room to work. Inwardly Kaito chewed his nails in worry but outwardly he clung tight to his poker face and presented a calm facade. The only evidence of his concern were his tightly clenched fists at his sides.
Oblivious to the thief’s inner turmoil, Haibara moved about the room, hooking up two IV’s, one for fluids and one with blood, and patched up the wound the best she could but it was clear to Kaito when she had done all she could. She stood over Conan, wringing her hands and clearly thinking over something.
When it appeared she made her decision, Haibara dropped her hands and faced Kaito. “As he is, I don’t think he can make it. Kudo lost a lot of blood and the bullet caused more damage than I can fix. We can try getting him to a hospital but even then his chance s of survival are not high. However, there’s one thing I can try. If I administer the antidote now his body is weak enough that it could work and if it does, the process of growing his body back to its real age will also involve rapid healing of the damaged tissue. He has a better chance of survival with the antidote than going to a hospital if it works.”
“Do it.” Kaito didn’t need to think about it. Recovering his body was all Shinichi wanted and if it gave him a better chance of survival, Kaito would do anything.
***
“We should take a vacation.” Shinichi was caught off-guard by the suggestion. Laying on a sofa together in the Kudo manner and watching some cheesy mystery romance movie Kaito picked, Shinichi had actually been falling asleep when Kaito started talking.
It was one of the rare days when they could just be. Ran was o f f at some karate thing and no one would notice if Conan went home a little late. They needed a break before going through with their plans in a couple of days. The day Shinichi had been waiting for was finally in sight; they would be taking down the Black Org. once and for all.
“Not sure we have the time for that just yet.” Shinichi felt Kaito’s arms tighten around him as he shifted them around a little before settling once again. Then Kaito bopped his nose. “Hey!”
“I didn’t mean right now smart ass. When all this is over, we should take a vacation. Somewhere no one knows us and we can just be Kaito and Shinichi.”
Shinichi thought about it a moment. Things were going to get crazy once he was back to himself and the media found out about the take down. “Yeah, yeah that sounds good.”
“Is there anywhere you want to go? I mean besides London and every location related to Sherlock Holmes.”
“I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind going back to Hawaii. We could always go scuba diving.”
“No!”
Shinichi laughed and patted Kaito’s arm a little to calm him. “Alright, no scuba diving. What about France? Want to retrace Arsène Lupin ’s steps?”
“You mock me, meitantei-chan!” In an instant Kaito’s fingers were at Shincihi’s sides where they began to torture him.
Gasping for breath between laughing, Shinichi yelled. “Okay, okay! I give!”
Still catching his breath, Kaito shifted them again; this time moving so they could face each other. Shinichi recognized the look in his thief’s eyes and blushed. Before Kaito, he didn’t think anyone would look at him like that, with so much love. “We could make it our honeymoon.”
Just like that, his breath was gone again. “...Are you asking?”
Kaito stayed silent for a moment and lifted his hand from Shinichi’s waist to brush back the hair that had fallen in Shinichi’s face. “Mmm… no. Not yet.” Shinichi’s blush was never going to fade at this rate. “When all this is over, I’ll ask.”
“Okay.”
***
Shinichi was in a coma. While the antidote had worked without leaving so much as a scar, t he stress of growing after all that happened put a lot of strain on his body and he wasn’t waking up. Kaito didn’t even know how long it had been anymore. T he lab was in the basement and windowless; there was no telling how much time had passed other than the occasional plate of food brought down for him by one of the two residents of the house.
Sometimes Kaito would get into the bed besides Shinichi and talk to him, recounting memories of them together or about the pranks he used to pull in school. Other times Kaito sat in the chair besides the bed and talked about places they could go, things they could do when he woke up. After one particularly hellish nightmare, Kaito told Shinichi they could go scuba diving in Hawaii if he would just wake u p.
At first Haibara cam e in and tried talking him into going home and getting some sleep but she soon gave up after receiving no acknowledgment from Kaito that he even heard her. In reality, he hadn’t . All Kaito could think was, please wake up. The line played over and over in his head like a mantra. In some part of his mind, Kaito knew he should be doing something; the jewel from the heist had been left on the roof as well as a large pool of blood, Nakamori and even Hakuba were likely to be wearing themselves out searching for answers or even a body considering the amount of blood. Already he knew several dozen messages had been left on his phone from Jii-chan and Hakuba looking for him. But none of that mattered. He needed Shinichi.
It must have been days later when finally something changed. Haibara had been in the lab doing her regular check up of Shinichi and typing up all her findings when Kaito felt Shinichi’s hand move in his. At the sudden gasp Kaito let out, Haibara turned around just in time to see Shinichi’s eyes begin to flutter before squeezing closed again from the bright florescent lights overhead. She rushed over to turn the lights low while Kaito stood eager to see those beautiful blue eyes he so loved and missed. Only… things rarely go according to plan.
When Shinichi’s eyes finally opened and panned over Kaito—in that moment he knew. There was no sign of recognition in Shinichi’s eyes. Kaito let go of Shinichi’s hand and backed away into the shadows.
“Wh- where am I?” Shinichi barely managed to get the sentence out before succumbing to a fit of coughing. As Haibara carefully passed a glass of water to Shinichi for him to drink, Agasa-hakase entered the room and rushed to the side of the bed where Kaito once stood. “Hakase? Where am I? What happened?”
Kaito couldn’t bear to hear much more. He kept to the corner of the room, trying not to hear what he was so afraid of.
“What do you mean a heist? I was at Tropical Land with Ran.”
Kaito fled the room before he could hear any more.