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“It’s 2:47.” Ryu didn’t look up from digging in the refrigerator.
“Yeah… I know,” Asahi murmured, rubbing a calloused hand under the bridge of his glasses. “I’m sorry.”
Ryu shrugged. The younger man was tired himself, and couldn’t find the words. Asahi had been out late every day that week. He knew what he signed on for, don’t misunderstand, when Asahi began to seriously pursue his career in fashion design. He knew he signed on for long hours and weeks where his husband was barely at home. It was just… hard.
“Is he asleep?” Asahi asked, walking over to the sink with soft steps in heavy dress shoes and began to work away at the towering stack of dishes.
“Yeah. Put him down at seven,” Ryu hummed, finally settling on grabbing a beer and slumping down at the worn kitchen table. The furniture had come from Asahi’s parents house, and was just as weary as Ryu felt. “He woke up around ten for some juice, and then didn’t want to go back to bed. He threw a fit but eventually tuckered himself out. Wish you would’ve been here to--”
“Sing to him?” Asahi chuckled, deep baritone echoing through the house as he laughed, “I’ll make sure to be here tomorrow and take a load off your back.”
“Promise?” Ryu asked, smiling when Asahi turned over his shoulder, long brown hair casting shadows on his high cheekbones that made him look like the young ace that Ryu first fell in love with, and grinned at him softly.
“I promise.” Asahi smiled.
“It’s 1:30.” Ryu sighed, leaning against the kitchen wall. His short figure cast a dark shadow on the cream walls and made him appear taller and stiffer than in person. Asahi felt dread pool like weights in his stomach.
“I know.” He murmured. Ryu eyed him with tired eyes and a blank stare. “I’m sorry.”
“When will it end Asahi?” The shorter man asked, voice falling into a quiet crackle. “When will you come home?”
“I don’t know.” The former ace sighed, crossing over to his parter and taking his libero’s hands in his own, “I’m trying. I have to support you and--”
“I know,” Ryu sighed, tipping his head back so it rested on the plaster walls. He looked pale in the artificial apartment light, “I know I just… I miss you.”
“It’ll all be better soon,” Asahi whispered, “I promise.”
He wished it was a promise he could keep.
Late nights turned into even longer weeks and Asahi began to disappear from the house more and more. Ryu stayed at him with the baby, feeling fulfilled with his child and yet somehow more empty than not. He knew Asahi was trying -- working day in and day out at his new fashion office to provide for them. Working had never been Ryu’s thing and he’d tried, he’d tried, and yet somehow he always seemed to fall short. Asahi was left to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and Ryu was left to suffocate in the silence he left behind.
Occasionally the baby would wake him in the early mornings and he would rise to find his husband sound asleep in the bed next to him -- a bittersweet reminder of the way life was. Life was simpler before the apartment in the nicer part of town with the higher rent and the adoption fees that sent their wallets through the roof. On worse days, Ryu would wish that their life had never changed: that he was still a fisherman and Asahi still in university. Those thoughts made him feel selfish and cruel and he blinked them away with bitter hot tears.
The door creaked open, and the younger man jumped at the sound of Asahi’s heavy footsteps.
“Ryu, I--” The scruffy man said the moment he stepped foot inside the doorway, but the other man held up a hand to silence him. The words died on Asahi’s chapped lips, and if Ryu were thinking any clearer he would have frowned at how dark the bags under his husband’s eyes were and how small the hulking man seemed in that minute.
“Asahi,” Ryu sighed, fixing his stare on the man he loved the most but in this moment hated more than death itself, “It’s four in the morning.”
The brunette opened his mouth, then closed it with a thick sigh.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it.” Ryu felt the words vomit out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Sorry doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t seen you for a single second this week and I’ve been raising your child, our child by myself. Where have you been?”
“Ryu, I’ve been working enough for the both of us,” Asahi frowned, “I know the hours are hard but I promise as soon as--”
“As soon as what, Asahi? As soon as you run yourself into the ground? As soon as you up and leave to spend another day in the office?”
“You know I’m trying,” Asahi’s frown deepened, and Ryu was acutely aware that he was hurting the love of his life, but a blinding rage was surging through his body. Where was the Asahi he knew and loved? What had happened to their happily ever after?
“It doesn’t look like you’re trying.” The lie tasted bitter on Nishinoya’s tongue and he swallowed to get rid of it.
“Ryu, you’re unemployed,” Asahi paced back and forth, a large hand coming up to rake through his messy bun, “I have to work to support this entire household. How can you not see that?”
“Because you’re NEVER HERE!” Ryu felt the scream leave his mouth, and watched as hurt and anger flickered across his partner’s face, “Do you even want this relationship? You used to manage this so well and now you don’t even care--”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Asahi hissed, frown becoming a scowl, “Maybe if you would put some work in I wouldn’t have to do this.”
“Oh yeah, turn it back on me.” Ryu scoffed, rolling his amber eyes.
“Ryu, I’m trying my best--”
“YOUR BEST ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE!” Ryu yelled, hand slamming down on the kitchen table.
Something snapped in his husband. Gone was the teddy bear who was too shy to speak up just to say hello. Something snapped and Asahi slammed a rock hard fist into the wall with a loud thud.
“RYU! PLEASE SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!”
The outburst was met with silence. It was sticky and cold and hung in the air and threatened to suffocate. Asahi stared almost horrified at the wall where his arm still rested, and Ryu just stared wide-eyed in shock.
The baby started to cry in the nursery.
“I’ll do it.” Asahi sighed, walking towards the nursery, but Ryu wasn’t done yet. He was still so angry, and hurt, and he… he…
“Get out.” He whispered, and hated the satisfaction he got when Asahi froze mid step.
“What?” The older man’s voice crackled.
“Get out. Go.”
Ryu watched with a heavy heart as Asahi walked into the stale, cold night.
What had gone wrong?
Asahi walked on the sidewalk alone.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had truly felt this alone before. It had to have been before he met the Karasuno volleyball team, and definitely before he had met Ryu. Since then, his every moment was spent in the warmth and company of his loved ones. Now, as the sun just dared to peak up through the clouds and the winter air began to warm, he felt emptier than he ever had before. He vaguely recognized the park down the street as one he and Ryu had gone to on a date -- before the adoption had sucked all their free time away, and the fashion company had become infinitely more demanding. It seemed barren now, trees dead from the temperature and grass brown and vacant. Not a single soul inhabited the wasteland, and maybe that’s what drew him to it.
A stone bench sat in the middle of the park, and the frigid rock dug into his thighs as he slumped on it. All at once, everything came crashing back like a tidal wave.
Somehow, someway -- he had fucked it all up.
Ryu was his world, his light, his everything. They had never argued on a large scale, every moment together was one of laughter and happiness. He hadn’t seen the ravine breaking between them.
And well, maybe that was a lie. Asahi had felt the tension brewing every time he trudged through the door after a long day of work. He felt lost under Ryu’s pensive, calculating eyes that once scrutinized a volleyball but now looked at him with such hopelessness it hurt. He couldn’t pinpoint the time when he knew something was awry, but he couldn’t deny that it hadn’t been a surprise.
It was his fault. Or was it Ryu’s? No, in the end he decided it had to have been both of them. He was stressed, worried, anxious about the adoption and about the new apartment and the bills that always seemed due far too early. He hadn’t thought twice about taking on more projects at the studio. He had to, for Ryu.
He hadn’t wanted to tell his husband. Ryu would feel bad, feel guilty and hurt and Asahi couldn’t bear those emotions when they involved the love of his life. He would risk everything and even more if it meant his libero would be happy another day. He wanted Ryu to feel safe and secure, and he couldn’t admit that he was wrong and scared.
He didn’t want to be scared anymore. That one emotion had defined his entire high school career. For once, he wanted to be as strong as his partner.
And it had failed.
Could it ever be repaired?
His phone buzzed in his pocket, startling his numb nerves into action. With a thumping heart, he gazed at Ryu’s name on the display, and then answered.
“ASAHI?!”
It had all happened so fast, if he reflected on it now.
Asahi had left, and the tears had come faster than he had ever cried in his life. They streamed down his face with hot, salty tracks. His body felt weak and numb. Sobs caught in his throat and made his nose and chest burn.
Feeling empty and weary, he stumbled to the nursery.
It could only have been two minutes -- two minutes of rocking the baby back to sleep and sniffling his tears away so as not to wake the child. Two minutes of regret and sorrow and wondering what he was to do now.
That was when he heard the crash from the kitchen.
His mind thundered.
Was that Asahi? Come home to apologize?
The flicker of hope was dashed against the rocks immediately. The muffled curse that came from the kitchen was not Asahi’s and his heart sunk to his stomach at the realization.
Break in.
Holding his sunshine in his arms he dove into the nursery closet. The tears he had tried so hard to blink away came back full force. What was he supposed to do?
His phone in his pocket dug into his leg, and with a shaky breath he knew what to do.
Fumbling the device in his hands, he dialed the number he knew all too well.
“ASAHI?!”
“Ryu?”
“Please… please come back… I need you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Ryu? Answer me. What’s happening?”
“Someone’s in the house, ASAHI!”
“I’M COMING!”
Asahi couldn’t remember running faster. Couldn’t remember another time his heart felt such fear. He trembled the entire sprint back to the apartment, the police trying to console him over the phone, but he felt like a man unhinged.
No matter what words he and Ryu exchanged -- Ryu Nishinoya was the love of his life.
And he would not lose him.
When he arrived back to the apartment and saw only sirens pulling away, Ryu standing on the doorstep with his child, their child in their arms, his heart rolled.
He loved them. No matter what.
“You came.” Ryu whispered, falling into the larger arms.
“Always. No matter what.” Asahi mumbled, and he meant it.
No matter what.