Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

On October 1, 1989, 43 women around the world give birth simultaneously, despite none of them showing any sign of pregnancy until labor began. Five of the children are adopted by eccentric billionaire Sir Reginald Hargreeves, however two of the children were adopted by the less rich, but no less eccentric Klaus Katz-Hargreeves. 

Five looked down at the order.  “Kill David Katz” it read. Honestly the fact that an assassin of his talents was being asked to do something as simple as killing a soldier in a war zone was insulting, but he would still complete it to his usual degree of excellence.  He was doing his standard reconnaissance on the target when he saw something he shouldn’t have. Or rather someone.  He teleported without really thinking.

“Klaus?” He asked his brother, 20 years before either would be born

“Five? You look so old.” Klaus responded, reaching up to touch him. Five stepped back.

“45 years in the apocalypse will do that to you. What the hell are you doing here!” Five responded.

“Well long story short I stole this briefcase from the fuckers that attacked the house and tortured me and it brought me here for some reason.” Klaus shrugged. “Wait should I not have told you that because time travel and stuff?”

Five began processing the information. If the commission was after his siblings in the future he likely succeeded in turning on them, but any outcome where Klaus was time traveling was likely one where thing were going to shit. While he was calculating his next move the target came over to Klaus and wrapped his arm around his waist. Five’s eyes hardened when he saw the target. Klaus noticed.

“Five? Why are you looking at him like that? I can see where you would be suspicious of any of my relationships but Five we’re good together. I’m clean Five, for the first time since before you left I’m actually sober. Please Five” He begged.

“Your presence in this year is a threat to the timeline.” Five responded, trying to fight the pull on his heart strings.

“WELL THE TIMELINE SUCKS! The world ends Five, you told us, and the only thing stopping it is a bunch of traumatized fuck ups that didn’t even notice I was gone. I’ll live longer if I stay here anyway.” Klaus fired back, his desperation tinged with anger. 

Five remembered his brother from before he left. Klaus never took anything seriously, except for when his eyes got far away and he just stared and whimpered. He remembered Vanya’s book about how the family fell apart and were left broken. He remembered Klaus buried under rubble with the rest of them, looking the same as he did now. His eyes softened.

“Bring me the briefcase.” Five eventually said. This was probably a terrible decision but his love for his family was always the one thing that overwhelmed his logic. “If you stay here, then you have to stay here. Live and die long before you are even born.”

Klaus nodded, his eyes shimmering with grateful tears. He ran back to the barracks and came back with a battered but still functional briefcase. Five knew that to do this was not just to betray the commission, but to declare war on them, but he had made up his mind. “You won’t regret this Five.” Klaus said.

“I most certainly will.” Five said, and he was gone

“I can’t believe dad picked the worst possible time to die.” Luther said to Allison as they waited for the rest of the family. 

“It’s hard to believe he’s really gone” she responded.

“I don’t. Part of me is sure he’s gonna show up at his own funeral and critique our mourning technique.” Diego said as he walked in, nodding at Luther. Luther nodded back. “Do we really have to wait for... them.” He asked.

“They were members of the academy. Dad played a role in their lives.” Luther responded.

A few moments later the doors were flung open and the Katz-Hargreeves entered as a group. 

“Oh poor Reginald...” Klaus said dramatically, floating into the room. He was actually wearing black, unlike the rest of them, but it was far more a fashion choice than a sign of mourning. “My only solace in this terrible time is the hope that perhaps I may be able to recoup what I lost in this job through an inheritance.” He swooned backwards, to be caught by Ben.  

Diego glared at Ben. “What are you doing here.” He asked harshly.

“I have a right to be here.” Ben responded coldly. 

“I think you made clear what you thought of this family in your book.” Diego fired back.

“If nothing else he’s here as moral support for the rest of us. I mean my brother is clearly in a state.” said Vanya, knowing that Diego was still awkward around her. She strolled into the room, shooting Klaus a look that caused him to unswoon and float up straight.  

Five followed after her. “Can we get this done with. Some of us have real jobs to get back to.”

“I mean I figured we would turn this into a reunion.” Vanya shrugged. “Break into the old man’s wine cellar, ask Grace to make a nice meal. Make a day of it.” She suggested. 

Pogo walked into the room, clearly the only one feeling any sort of real sadness. “I feel the best place to spread the ashes would be under the tree in the courtyard. It was always his favorite place.” He tried. The group gathered themselves up and headed out.  They stood awkwardly as Pogo held the urn. “Would..anyone like to say a few words?” 

There was a moment of silence. Five sighed. “I know what it is like to lose a father. It happened last year.” The rest of the Katz-Hargreeves nodded. “This isn’t that feeling. But it’s a feeling nonetheless.  We have lost someone who had a great effect on our lives, and with him any chance to change our relationship with him. For better or worse Reginald Hargreeves is gone.”

“Well I mean...” Klaus pointed out, earning a simultaneous elbow from Vanya and Ben. “Oww sorry I pointed out the obvious.” 

“That was well said Five.” Pogo said. “Anyone else?” The rest shook their heads. “Well I suppose there is no need to drag this out then.  He turned the urn down and was surprised to see the ashes begin floating upward instead of falling down. The rest of the academy looked up to see a large blue vortex forming above them. 

“Get out of the way!” Shouted Five. “Whatever that is, it is clearly unstable.” He pushed Vanya back himself, placing an arm in front of her. She rolled her eyes. The rest took cautious steps back. The portal opened wider and five members of the umbrella academy fell through, looking heavily injured and very different from their counterparts. 

“Oh look! A new Vanya!” Said Klaus, approaching the body that most resembled his sister. He moved to touch her, and was immediately repelled backwards. His body hit the wall with a sickening crack and he fell limply to the ground.  His Vanya looked over in horror and then immediately went white. She began to float.

“I HEARD A RUMOR THAT VANYA FELL ASLEEP UNTIL HER BROTHER CAME BACK” Allison shouted.  The floating Vanya floated back down. Five caught her and put her beside Klaus. They then turned back to face the other Umbrellas.  The tension grew thick between them. 

“Okay how about we just turn things down about 500 notches.  Despite what science fiction will tell us about doppelgangers we don’t actually have to fight. Besides even if we did, a two Vanya fight would likely level the city so how about we just talk this out” Ben said, walking out with his hands up.

“Ben?” The new Diego asked with a shaky voice “You’re alive?”

“Yeah... wait a second. Where is your Klaus?” Ben responded. There was another flash of blue light and an old man appeared covered in blood and holding a briefcase.

“Well this is not what I expected.” He said.

The groups decided to move inside, except of course for Klaus who was dead and the Vanyas who were unconscious. 

“So the world ended in your timeline, leading you to attempt to time travel with all of your remaining family and you ended up here.” Confirmed the 29 year old Five. He paced back and forth through the living room while Grace provided medical care to the new Umbrellas. 

“Yes. But it feels like instead of jumping backwards, I somehow managed to jump sideways into an alternate timeline.” The 13 year old Five responded. “Of course the question of where this timeline came from remains.”

“It came from me killing off the commission to save my brother, and I hoped the rest of the world.” Said 58 year old Five. 

“What?” Asked 13 year old Five.

“Somehow you fucked up so hard that Klaus ended up time traveling back to 1968. He begged me to let him stay there, and early timeline changes are far more useful than later ones.” Responded 55 year old Five passive aggressively. 

“Thank you.” Said Ben. The older and younger Fives looked at him. “I mean Vatti changed our lives. He made them better.  I mean especially since I’m like 90% sure I died in your timeline” 

“You did.” Said the larger Luther, speaking for the first time. “You died horribly.”

“Well that sucks.” Ben shrugged. He looked over to where Klaus should be and dropped his shoulders sadly when he remembered he was gone. 

“This still doesn’t justify the mess we have here!” The younger Five got up on his tiptoes to come closer to his counterparts face.  They glared at each other.

“So this is why I got threatened into not time-traveling.” Pondered 29 year old Five. “It seems like a shit show.”

“Yes!” Said both of the other Fives in unison. “Wait... does anyone feel itchy?”

“Not until you mentioned it.” Said one of the Diegos.

“We should be at sweating by now...and the fact that we can even ponder it...” Said the older Five.

“This is even worse than we thought. We aren’t even from the same timeline.” Said younger Five.

Just then Klaus pushed through the door, his feet floating just above the floor.

“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that God said I could get two tattoos this time. The bad news is that we have a week to fix all 3 timelines or everything we know is wiped from existence.”

Chapter Text

Klaus Katz-Hargreeves Jr. hated his medication. It made his vision blur, his body feel stiff and worst of all they kept him from using his powers. Vanya got to use her powers. She got to blow stuff up and change the weather and even broke his arm when they were 3 (he forgave her in the way that siblings did, where he held no real anger but would still use it to get back at her). All he got was to occasionally see ghosts when he tried really hard and detect objects he had lost. No matter what Vatti said, it sucked.

A few weeks after his Bar Mitzvah he decided he was going to do something about the problem. He wanted to just flush the whole bottle, but Vatti was impulsive so he had to be careful. He started lowering the dosage he actually took, and started training. It didn’t take long until he could see ghosts all the time and even had some experience controlling them. Sure they were scary at first but he remembered that he could always take his medication to make them go away and he was the one with the power. Eventually they were only scary to look at, and the fact that they called his name only made him feel powerful. He was finally the center of attention rather than his dumb sister. Soon enough he was entirely off his medication and found out that he could make ghosts solid. That expanded his power exponentially.

He decided he would make his move on the school field trip to a nearby battlefield. There would be plenty of ghosts there. There would be plenty of room for all the ghosts to stand (this had proven an unexpectedly important factor) and most importantly of all everyone would see. His classmates would stop bullying him. Vanya would stop thinking he was weak. Maybe he would even get kissed. Nothing could go wrong.

----------

The Umbrella academy received the call around 11. It seemed that the armies who fought at the local battlefield had resurrected and immediately began fighting each other, leaving a school group trapped in a supernatural war zone. The mission goal was to extract the students and neutralize whatever was causing the ghostly armys.
They landed at the edge of the engagement. The ghosts were thinner here, growing strongest at an epicenter located not far from the stranded group. It seemed that the group was being protected by some other strange force, but their goal was clear. The fact that their enemies were ghosts presented a challenge, as they obviously couldn’t die, but they could be pushed aside and responded to rumors just as well as living people. Five and Diego elected to go straight to the stranded students, pushing their way through the warring crowd while Luther, Allison and Ben worked to clear a path for their escape. It didn’t take them too long to get to the group, but as they moved to get to the students they were faced with an invisible barrier. Diego edged his way around to where it was coming from and came face to face with the prettiest girl he had ever seen (he had seen very few girls his own age) who was projecting the barrier.
“It’s my brother” She said, slowly due to the exertion of maintaining the barrier “He must have forgotten his medication and his powers got out of control.”
Diego just stared for a second before Luther arrived. “We’ve cleared a path out. Begin evacuating the students.” He said in his perfect spaceboy voice. The girl put down the barrier, and the students began rushing out.
“We need to get Klaus his medication.” The girl said matter of factly. Diego nodded. Luther may get to save the day, but he could be this girls hero. He immediately began moving through the crowd of ghosts, using all of his best moves. The girl followed closely after him, seemingly far less powerful in the crowd. Soon enough the reached a boy holding his knees and cowering, his hands glowing blue.
“Why...why can’t I control them...” He muttered. The girl immediately sat down beside him and opened up a bottle of pills. She put a couple in his mouth and he swallowed. A few seconds later the ghosts began to fade away and soon enough the three of them were standing alone in an empty battlefield. The girl helped her brother to his feet. “Thank you.” She said. “My name is Vanya.”
“Diego.” Diego said, managing to not stutter but sound dorky all the same.
Vanya took out a pen and wrote her number on Diego’s hand. He stood there like a moron. She then took her brother and left.
------------------
“Can you explain your behavior during the previous mission number two?” Asked Reginald after the debrief.
“It it was just an accident. He didn’t mean to... and maybe Vanya could help the team later?” He tried.
“That was not your call to make Number Two. Still if an opportunity presents itself it must be seized. You will be required to collect information on this “Vanya” and her brother. If you are so intent on showing initiative this will be no problem. However you will be required to bring one of your siblings with you. Choose carefully.”
Diego waited until he was out of Reginald's vision in order to smile. He ended up running down the hall though. He pondered what sibling to bring. Luther was right out. Allison was a good choice, but she might rumor Vanya or worse tell Luther Diego liked her. FIve would definitely demand something in return if he agreed at all. That left Ben.
“Hey broooo can you do me a HUGE favor” He asked.
“Fine” said Ben.
----------------------
The next few weekends consisted of “surveillance missions” which mostly consisted of Diego and Vanya going on awkward 13 year old dates while Ben and Klaus read books and did their own things.
Diego learned that Vanya and her brother were also born on October 1st and were adopted; that her Dads had known about Klaus’s power but had been surprised by hers which is why he was on medication and she wasn't; that her power was theoretically limitless but based on sound; and most importantly he learned that she thought he was pretty cool.
Ben went from being reluctantly dragged along to actively asking when the next mission was. Apparently he was getting along with ghost boy, but Diego really didn’t care as long as he took his pills and didn’t interrupt him and Vanya.

------------------
Despite what you might have thought, humiliation in the face of the Umbrella academy didn’t inspire Klaus to stop. In fact it made him far more determined to succeed. The battlefield had been too much at once, and he had made the mistake of choosing dead that were tied deeply to the identity that killed them. He just needed to get better, and to find better ghosts. Thankfully he had learned that all ghosts were not equal, and while some, like his Oma (who told him that he should listen to his parents and that if he wanted to impress the nice boy he could just bake him something) , were basically normal people that happened to be dead, some were tied to specific person or object or place but otherwise lacked a strong identity (like the ghosts on the battlefield) and some were completely untied to anything and seemed to exist solely to bother him. The last set of ghosts were the ones he needed for his army. He also learned that his ability to detect objects was in fact just the first stirrings of telekinesis, which proved to be more useful than the ghost part of his powers.

A month or so after the first incident he felt he was ready again. His parents had been slightly more watchful of his medication, but he was clever enough to take the minimum possible, so he could keep his powers while playing the good boy. But when his new bottle came in he was seen as trustworthy enough to take it on his own. Which meant it went right down the sink. He didn’t need to be trusted with medication, he could be trusted with his powers.

“Hey bro, have you seen my hairbrush?” Asked Vanya, peeking through the bathroom door at exactly the wrong moment. Klaus instinctively turned to hide his actions, but Vanya had already seen. “Are..are those your meds? Don’t you need them?” She asked, half worried and half chiding.
“I Don’t need them. Vatti might need them but I’m different! I can control my powers!” Klaus turned fully to face Vanya.
“Tell that to the ghosts on the battlefield!” Vanya yelled back
“YOU JUST WANT ME TO BE WEEK SO YOU CAN BE THE HERO ALL THE TIME! I’M SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE A FUCK UP!” Klaus could feel his power seeping into nearby objects.
“I...I’m telling dad!” Vanya said, backing up. Suddenly there was something behind her. It placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her out of the bathroom doorway. The house had begun to fill up with blue light that solidified into broken people. Vanya screamed. The ghost holding her didn’t let go as her brother stormed past her.
“You’ll see...You’ll all see” he muttered as he walked out of the house.
The ghost that was holding her faded away after a few minutes, likely as Klaus got farther away, but she could see the light on the street. She shook for a second and then ran to the phone.

The academy came in a few more minutes. “Which way did he go?” Luther asked. Vanya pointed it out. “Thank you, we’ll take it from here.”

“Wait!” she said, running to her room to grab her violin. “I can help.”

She followed the academy as they chased the trail of ghosts down the street to a nearby graveyard, where her brother was floating above an army of ghosts. The ghosts all stood still, staring at Klaus at first but turning to the academy as they approached. “See what I can do?” He gloated. “I’d even out the numbers for a fair fight... but I feel no urge to do that.” He then started cackling maniacally.

Diego threw a knife. It landed in the dead center of Klaus’s forehead. He fell.
“KLAUS” Vanya screamed, immediately running over to her brother. He didn’t respond. She reached him. He was still, the knife still buried in his head. She watched as his skin went pale and felt hers doing the same. How dare they. How dare the world. Her brother was dead. He was always a trend setter.

----------
The Umbrella academy watched in confusion as Vanya stepped away from her brother’s corpse and began to play her violin. They then watched in horror as her clothes turned white and energy began to surge. Diego tried to take a step forward and she let out a blast of power greater than any the academy had faced before. They were pushed back against the graveyard fence, unable to move closer as the music began to swell

--------------------------
“Where am I?” Klaus asked, looking around the grey landscape.
“You’re dead.” Responded a girl with a bicycle.
“And you are?” Klaus gestured to her.
“What do you think I am?”
“Well based on your cryptic nature and sole existence here in the afterlife, I’m going to assume that you are some facet of the creator, though honestly I did not pay enough attention during Bar Mitzvah prep to be sure.”
“You know that the ceremony officially means you are responsible for your actions.”
“Yeah. I got that part.” He looked around him and raised a hand to his forehead. “But it’s a little late for that isn’t it.”
“For anyone else it would be, but you are a special case. Don’t abuse it though. I don’t want to see you too often.”
“Wait I have questions... “ Klaus said, as he felt himself leaving.
-------
Klaus Hargreeves shot up, the knife that had previously made its home in his brain clattering to the ground. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. He looked over and saw Ben, who must have pulled his body to safety. He smiled at him. Ben looked confused and scared but smiled back. He then looked forward and saw his sister using her power to a level he had not even conceived of. He stood up
“Poor old Johnny Ray” He sang. The Umbrella Academy looked at him like he was insane. “Vanya’s powers are based on music. So if we can change the music then maybe she’ll change too!” he explained.
“Poor old Johnny Ray” he tried again.
“Sounded sad upon the radio.
Broke a million hearts in one note
Our mothers cried
Sang along who would blame them.
You’ve grown...”
He turned back to the rest of the academy. “You’ve grown up ” they awkwardly added, accepting their position as back up singers
“So grown”
“So grown up”
He took a step forward, bracing himself against the energy.
“Now I must say more than ever..
Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye, ay” His voice cracked with puberty and grief.
“We can sing just like our fathers.”
Vanya’s playing slowed but did not stop, the energy around her still pulsing.
“Come on Eileen
I swear what I mean
In this moment you mean everything” Klaus then realized that the next lyrics were probably not something he should say to his sister but pressed on, the rest of the academy covering back up vocals.
“You in that dress
My thoughts
Verge on dirty
Oh Come ON Eileen” He begged in song.
There was a break in Vanya’s playing. Then it resumed with the duuuun dun dun of Dexy’s Midnight Runners.
“These People round here!” Klaus sang, his desperation replaced with jubilation.
“Were broken down eyes sunk down in smoke dried face
So resignined to what their fate is” He took off running for his sister and found her powers let him in.
“But not us”
The academy sensed they were either unnecessary or being insulted so they stopped singing back up.
“No not us.” He floated up to meet Vanya in the air
“We are are far to young and clever
Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye, ay” He smiled at her while dabbing away what was left of his tears
“Eileen I’ll sing this song forever more” He whispered. The he hugged his sister and she hugged him back and they returned to the ground.
“I’m sorry Vanya” Klaus said
“I’m sorry too!” She said, crying.
They held each other like that for a moment before they were interrupted.
“Now that it seems both of you have finished your temper tantrums I would like to make a proposal.” said Reginald Hargreeves. “It is often said that if you can not beat someone you should join them, and as my academy have now twice proven themselves unable to beat you, I would like to extent to you an offer to join the Umbrella Academy.”

“We’ll have to ask our dads.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Klaus walked in and sat next to Ben. “So whats up with you?”
The rest of the academy from his timeline looked nonchalant. The ones from the other time line looked horrified.
“We...Saw you die...” said their Luther
“I do that sometimes .” Klaus responded. “Also who are you?”
“You do that sometimes?” repeated their Diego incredulously “And I could say the same thing about you”
“Klaus Katz-Hargreeves Jr. at your service. As it seems I am the only one who can answer a question around here.”
“We already covered it while you were off cavorting with the almighty” said the middle Five, rolling his eyes.
“You don’t look like Klaus.” said the new Diego.

“Wait a second... I’m gonna make a wild guess and say that these are Vatti’s siblings?” Klaus replied.
“That's what we think, but we were waiting for you or Vanya to confirm. Are you sure you can’t summon him?” said Ben.

“Yes I am SURE I can not summon him.” Klaus rolled his eyes at Ben. “Okay so Vatti apparently left 2019 on the... 28th or 29th of March after being kidnapped from the house. Some cop lady saved him from torture and he came back and met dad. Pictures of the time showed him with short dark curls” Klaus subconsciously ran his fingers through his long, dyed red hair “A goatee” he moved to his clean face “and Dad says he was wearing only a bath towel when he showed up. Ring any bells?”
“That seems about right,” said new Diego.

“Well that makes the timeline connections clear at least” said Middle Five.

“I’m still hung up on the resurrection thing” said new Luther “Our Klaus couldn’t do that...”
“Vatti hated his powers, so you actually all have no idea what I can do” he turned to the members of his Umbrella academy with a shit-eating grin. “Permission to give a small demonstration?” They grimaced back.

“I suppose it’s probably necessary” said Allison “But please keep discretion and the size of the room in mind.”

Klaus’s grin got wider. “Well first of all you have seen the resurrection, that's the coolest one. Should qualify me for messiah status, but who am I to say.” Five rolled his eyes, everyone else stayed silent. “Ok someday that's going to land. Anyway the next one is the levitation. As you can see I am already doing it, but this is far from the limit.” Klaus levitated several feet into the air. “And then there is the telekinesis. My overall most useful power. Should have called dibs Diego” He brought the couch he had been sitting up to meet him. Ben, who was also sitting on the couch simply shrugged and sat still until Klaus lowered them both back to the ground. “I haven’t walked on the ground in 2 and a half years. Next of course you should have very light familiarity with and that is the ghost. Now there are like 100 ghosts in this room, because it seems some people” He looked over at the old and young Fives “are way too into murder. So what you are going to see are just the ones I brought with me in case Reginald had some secret funeral traps. And he totally would do that. Old Bastard.” About a dozen ghosts became visible, with empty eyes and various deadly wounds clearly visible on their bodies. The stood stock still around the couch, none coming within arms reach. “I’m also demonstrating my ability to control ghosts, they are usually way more annoying, but that’s a different demonstration.” Five and Ben shuddered at the mention, but Klaus pushed on. “I can also make them interact physically with the world.” One of the ghosts lifted up a vase. Then all the ghosts disappeared, while the vase remained aloft. “Even when they aren’t visible. So I am at the very least the third strongest member of the academy, and there have been several convincing forum arguments that I’m the best.” He bowed as much as he could, and the larger Luther clapped, as no else knew quite what to do.

Chapter Text

Vanya woke up, but decided that she would keep her eyes closed for a couple more minutes. She heard movement beside her and groaned slightly.

“It will take more than that to keep me down.” She heard her brother say. She relaxed her shoulders.  She always worried that each time he went down would be the last, and losing Vatti had only amplified the fear ten fold. 

A few moments later she finally opened her eyes. She wasn’t alone. There was another woman next to her, with long hair and a white tux. She was also waking up. Vanya turned to her and looked into her own eyes. She immediately scooted backwards.

“What...What’s going on?” The other Vanya asked

“You hurt my brother.” Vanya responded. 

“I’m sorry...I...I don’t know why I did it. I was in the academy and then I was so mad and then...”

“You are damn lucky he’s okay. Also who are you.”

“Vanya...Vanya Hargreeves. Who are you?”

“Vanya Katz-Hargreeves. I think you might be my aunt.” 

They both stood up.  Vanya’s heels put her a good 6 inches above her counterpart, and it became clear that she paid a lot more attention to her appearance. Her hair was cut into a short pixie cut that suited her face, her clothes were perfectly tailored, her make up was impeccable. This Vanya would be as ordinary as Vatti had described her if it weren’t for the tux, which she had to admit was a good look. 

“How would I be your aunt? The only nice I have is Claire and... I really don’t know whats going on.

“Well my one of my dads, Klaus Hargreeves traveled back in time, married my other dad and adopted my brother and I. He said that he picked me up because he thought I didn’t have powers and your dad never wanted you anyway. Of course I did in fact have powers and they are the best, but long story short time travel shenanigans.”

“You...You got to grow up with your powers?”

“Yep. Though honestly since you sort of came first you should explain first. Especially since I am going to need to make sure that your siblings know that I am ... not you.” Vanya said, not sure of how to indicate that she was infinitely cooler without sounding rude.

“Well I guess....” The other Vanya launched into a long tale of woe. Vanya hadn’t realized things had been that bad, and just how much different a person could be from themselves (Is this how Klaus felt all the time.) She listened politely until Vanya mentioned a name she knew.

“Leonard Peabody? The brown haired dumpy guy from the antique store.”

“Wait you know him??!” The other Vanya said in a panic.

“Yeah. Klaus works for him. Wait please tell me you two weren’t together.”

The other Vanya looked down at the ground.

“Oh no. Oh no. We can not let this get out. My brand would be absolutely destroyed.”

The other Vanya looked up. “You said that Klaus works with him.... I have to warn him....” She took off running for the living room.

“LEONARD IS EVIL” Vanya shouted as she ran into the living room. She looked around for Klaus but didn’t see him.  There were also an average of two versions of each of her other siblings.

A man stood up. He had long red hair, a handsome face and was wearing a black poet shirt tucked into tight black pants. His sleeves stopped at his elbows, revealing a variety of tattoos coming up his arm: a stylized rose, a half mask-half skull, an ankh and a hint of the umbrella academy tattoo that was blocked by the angle of his arm.  “I love this energy.” He said. “We have never met, but you immediately fling me into a wall at incredible speeds and then, upon speaking for the first time declared that my boss is evil. I love this. Yes. Leonard is evil AND I think he’s been acting weird lately.” He approached her. “I forgive you entirely for killing me.”

“Killing you?” said Vanya. The other her had only indicated he had been hurt.

“What so you’ll forgive her for murder but not me for breaking your arm 26 years ago?” Said the other Vanya, strutting into the room.

“Well I didn’t have to go to the hospital for this did I?” Klaus (because by process of elimination and context indicated that this was somehow Klaus) replied.

“You are absolutely insufferable. Any way what I miss?”

“Vatti’s siblings, timelines ending in a week.” The 29 year old Five said. The short haired Vanya nodded.

“That sucks. The timeline ending, not meeting you guys, I’ve wanted to do that forever. Anyway what now.” The short haired Vanya went and sat on the couch improperly.

“Well we’re going to need to get a sense of the problem we are dealing with. Both a quantitative and a qualitative analysis before we can even start trying to fix what went wrong.” Said the thirteen year old Five.

“Also the Leonard thing probably needs attention. Especially since Five stuff usually requires math and I don’t do that.” Klaus said.

“Maybe you can have Aunt Vanya help you with that, since she brought it up.” She turned to her brother and gave him a secret twin look. “And you could help her with stuff.”

Klaus sat up, suddenly more serious. “I will not fail you Vanya.”

“Why can’t you help me? And why do I need help?” asked long haired Vanya.

“Well lots of things, but do you really think that putting two or three stressed out Fives in the same room with no mediation is going to lead to nothing but an admittedly awesome teleportation fight.  I am just going to assume I’m on tension defusing for the rest of the week.” short haired Vanya responded.

“I guess that leaves me to deal with the Vatti stuff” said Ben. 

“Oh don’t act like you don’t want to see Anna again. And don’t take that as a dig. I fully encourage you to use this as an excuse to finally sleep with the woman keeping dad alive.” Klaus said.

“I hate you.” Ben responded.