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Daisy looked around her bunk, wondering when she would get to come back. The routine of packing up wasn’t new to her, but the assurance that she would be back was. She had moved around so much as a kid, and she hadn’t been much more stationary in her adult life. But that wasn’t entirely true, was it? Even though her bunk had changed several times, SHIELD had been her home for the past 5 years. The team had been her home; Coulson had—
She mentally cut herself off, not ready to go down that path yet. She wasn’t entirely sure what this space adventure would entail, but she hoped she would get to quake the hell out of some aliens. Perhaps it would be good to get off base for a while, to get away from all the memories. Perhaps she needed a change. With that thought in mind, Daisy abandoned her packing to go find Jemma.
Jemma had been coping...well? It was hard to tell. When Mack first told her what happened, Jemma hadn’t said a word. After he finished speaking, she walked to her bunk and didn’t come out for a half an hour. It was clear from her red eyes that she had been crying, but instead of seeking comfort from her friends, Jemma had come to tell them her plan to find the version of Fitz who was still frozen in space. None of them really knew what to say, having expected her to react much differently. When she saw his body and when they held a memorial for him, she cried, but it was completely silent, and she tried to get it under control as quickly as she could. No matter what anyone said to her, how much they reassured her that it was okay to let out her feelings, she didn’t break down. But it was impossible that she wasn’t hurting, stuck looking at memories of him and not knowing if she’d ever see him again. Perhaps she needed a change too.
“I want to dye my hair. Can you help me?” Daisy was one of those people who liked to do dumb things with her hair in order to cope with difficult events. She’d cut her hair short, gotten bangs, and even went through a particularly dark period in her early teens after her first breakup where she dyed the ends of her hair bright pink. It was not a good look. Whenever something terrible happened, she always felt like she needed a change, like she needed to look physically different. An event like Coulson dying deserved to be marked by a physical change that mirrored her internal changes. She didn’t feel like she was the same person as she’d been before she accepted that he was going to die, so she didn’t think she should look the same either.
“Um...sure? I don’t exactly have much expertise with hair-styling, but I suppose we could look up YouTube tutorials?” Jemma had been kneeling on the floor, packing for their trip to outer space, but turned to look at Daisy in confusion when she came in and made her request.
“Yay! This is going to be so fun; the two of us together again. Do you want to do something to your hair too?” Daisy knew Jemma wasn’t a very impulsive person, but a change could be helpful for her right now. She wanted to help her friend, but she wasn’t exactly sure how to. They hadn’t even properly talked about the events of the past few weeks, a slightly awkward tension coiling between them from the memories of past arguments over Fitz. It wasn’t like they were still upset at each other; there were just unresolved conversations and unsaid words still floating around, keeping them from feeling completely at ease with each other.
“I guess...I’ve always wanted to try having bangs? That’s a common thing that people do, right, when they lo—” She cut herself off mid-sentence, not able to say it out loud. “Not that he’s lost, because he isn’t we will find him, but…” Daisy walked further into the room so that she could sit down on the floor next to Jemma, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Jemma slid off her knees to join her friend in leaning up against the wall, a pose reminiscent of another conversation 70 years into the future. It had only been a few weeks for them, but it felt like it had actually been 70 years since they sat in Kasius’ palace, discussing cardigans and cutlery.
“I get it.” She let out a breath, not really sure what to say. “This is just...a really weird situation?”
“The past few years of our lives have been filled with weird situations,” Jemma said with a slight smile. Daisy was glad to see her friend smiling, but she had something she needed to say that would make this moment a lot more serious. This was the first moment that they’d been truly alone in a while, and she couldn’t stand the slight tension between them.
“I think I forgive him, you know.”
“What?” Jemma turned to look at Daisy, furrowing her brow in surprise. It was obvious what she was referring to, but her statement was unexpected.
“I just...logically, I know why Fitz did it. I was terrified of having my powers back and he was basically having a mental breakdown: I’m not sure there’s a world where both of us could’ve been calm enough to do it in a...less traumatic way. But for a while, I still wasn’t ready to forgive him, because even though I understood, it still hurt like hell. I actually told him this, before-before everything happened that day. I’m glad I got that chance, but I just wish he knew that I forgive him now. Knowing that he died to save Mack and Polly, knowing that he did it even though Robin had said they were going to die and he didn’t even think time could be changed — I don’t know. I guess it just reminded me that even though he has this capacity to do awful things, he’s still the same person. A good person. But now, I’ll never get the chance to tell him.” As she spoke, Daisy felt the weight that had been sitting on her chest for weeks begin to lighten. There was still so much to be upset about, but it felt good to let this go, to tell someone that she forgave Fitz even though she couldn’t tell him.
“You know, if you want to tell the version of Fitz that we find in space about what happened, you can. If you think it’ll help you, or him. I don’t want him to ever go into that mental state again.” Jemma wasn’t meeting Daisy’s eyes, looking at her hands, which were nervously twisting in her lap instead. “And you don’t have to forgive him just because he’s...because of what happened.”
“No, I-I really do forgive him. His death might have made me realize I was ready to do it earlier than I would’ve otherwise, but I already wanted to be able to forgive him. The choice to be good matters more than the capacity to do harm, right?” Daisy let out a slow sigh. She wasn’t entirely sure why, but she needed Jemma to understand that she genuinely forgave Fitz. Despite her jokes about their psychic link, she knew they weren’t actually telepathic — and certainly not able to communicate beyond the grave — but it still felt like making Jemma understand was as cathartic as talking to Fitz himself. It was as if Jemma understood, it meant that Fitz would too. “I’ll never forget how awful it felt, but I want to move on from it. Holding onto resentment forever only hurts you — I learned that from-from Coulson. He told me that, after everything that happened with Ward. I forgave Ward in the end, you know? I don’t know if I ever told you that, but after the Framework, I did. Anyways, I'm getting off track, but I don’t know if I want to tell Fitz about what he did — I don’t know if that will help anything.”
“I fully intend on making sure he takes better care of himself and deals with his darker impulses in a more healthy way, but it might be nice to...have your help? If you wanted to.” With these words, Jemma finally looked up at Daisy, almost shyly.
“I think I could do that,” Daisy responded, sliding the hand that had been resting on her friend’s shoulder down her arm to her hand, tangling their fingers together. “For the record, I forgive you too. I’m sorry about everything I said to you — I know that letting Fitz out of his cell and going to England was the correct decision, logically.”
“You don’t have to apologize — you were upset at Fitz, and rightfully so. I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of protecting your feelings. I was more focused on Fitz’s feelings; I was a bad friend to you. I never wanted to make you feel like I didn’t care that you were hurt by him.” She bit her lip, clearly wanting to look away guiltily, but stubbornly holding Daisy’s gaze as if to prove her sincerity in her apology.
“Jemma, it’s okay. It was an awful situation, and you were just doing what you thought was best.” And strangely, she realized it was okay — there was no part of her that was just trying to placate Jemma. Daisy was ready to move forward; she didn't want to dwell on the past anymore.
“You don’t have to apologize to me to make me feel better about...everything that’s happened. You’re allowed to stay upset.” Daisy had the urge to just hug her, as if she could physically force her friend to stop holding so tightly onto her guilt.
“But I don’t want to be upset anymore. I miss you, Jemma. I mean, I did agree to travel the galaxy with you for an extended period of time. Clearly, I want to spend some time with you.” She couldn’t help but smile, and Jemma’s small answering smile only made her own wider. The warmth that was blooming in her chest seemed to be engulfing some of the ache that had been consuming her heart for weeks. For the first time, Daisy didn’t just want to be okay — she finally felt like she was starting to be.
“I...I’ve missed you too.” At Jemma’s words, Daisy gave into the impulse and wrapped her arms around her. When she felt Jemma hug her back, she felt herself truly relax for what might have been the first time in months, feeling safe as she buried her face in her friend’s neck.
“So...shall we go find some scissors and hair dye so we can teach ourselves to be hair stylists?” Daisy said when she finally pulled back, feeling much calmer now that the words floating between them were no longer unsaid, the tension dispelled. “We gotta give ourselves a cool new look for our space adventures.”
“Something new...could be good,” Jemma said, smiling tentatively. “It could even be fun to learn how to do this — we haven’t done anything purely fun in far too long.”
“We will find him, you know,” Daisy said, matching her smile and trying to put as much confidence in her words as possible.
“I know, because I can’t let myself believe anything else.” Jemma grabbed Daisy’s hand again, which she’d let go of for their hug, and Daisy squeezed it back in response. “Us against the world again, I guess?
“Us against the whole galaxy.”