Chapter Text
Eiji was leaving tomorrow. He was going back to Japan; Eiji knew Ash was aware he was leaving, but he had yet to visit him in the hospital. Eiji knew he was hurting. Ash was terrified to put him in danger, and even, after all, they went through together, even after Eiji was shot. Ash was still pushing him away. Eiji just wanted to hold Ash in his arms once more. He wanted to protect Ash from the world. As much as he hated being cooped up in the condo, he wished he could be back there. Back in their house. Where he took care of Ash, and they didn't have any responsibility or consequences. In the condo, they were safe. But, Ash had other plans. He wanted to cut things off with Eiji even if it was painful for both of them. Eiji knew Ash loved him, and throughout his time in the hospital, he realized he loves Ash.
Ash Lynx. A man with such a cold exterior, but chose to love and protect Eiji Okumura. A nobody college student that wanted to learn how to fly again. Eiji did learn how to fly again with Ash’s help, but he was scared that leaving Ash would clip his wings again. Ash taught him how to love and to stop blaming himself. He brought out all the beautiful and confident parts of Eiji; parts Eiji was terrified of losing. He just had to accept the fact he was going to lose his wings and his love. He was going to be an ocean away from Ash.
Eiji poured all his feelings of love and devotion into a letter for Ash. He needed to speak to him again. To reach out to Ash, even if it wasn't in person. Ash Lynx deserved the world, but it seemed like Eiji was not going to be the one to give it to him. He finished the letter and sealed it within the envelope. Ash owned his entire soul, even if he didn't provide his to Eiji. Ash would forever be his best friend, and Eiji would see him again. Ash had no say in the matter; it was too early to say sayonara to him. He pressed a soft kiss to the envelope and hoped his love would reach Ash before it was too late for them both.
Ash watched Sing run off and moved his eyes down to the letter in his hands. The handwriting was most definitely Eiji’s. The letters' delicate curve of his name; Ash could feel the love and kindness pouring out of the envelope. He gazed at the letter with an emptiness in his heart. Ash wanted nothing more to be on the plane to Japan with Eiji. He wanted to see where Eiji grew up. Meet Eiji's parents and see how alike they are to Eiji. He wanted to stroll the beauty of Japan with Eiji without fear of being shot. Ash wanted to forget his bloodstained hands and the weight of his gun.
He knew he could try with Eiji. He could try to become a better person and cross over to another world. But, he knew he would be an outsider in Eiji's life. Eiji grew up surrounded by love, because that's all he's ever known. Ash grew up in a cruel world where no one could be trusted. Even knowing this, Ash wanted to go with Eiji. He wanted to take his shot at happiness, but with him around, Eiji would always be in danger. Ash couldn't put Eiji through pain again, and he never wanted to see him in a hospital bed again. He wanted to see Eiji fly. The only way Eiji would be able to fly would be away from him. So Ash never visited him in the hospital even though his heart yearned to see his love again. Just like Ash would let him go back to Japan without Ash.
As Ash read the letter, he realized that Eiji loved him back. Eiji, the kindest man Ash had ever met, was willing to give his soul to Ash, a dirty murderer. Eiji refused to give up on him even though Ash had pushed him away time and time again. If Eiji went back to Japan, his heart would still be consumed by its love for Ash. It dawned on Ash that there was no running away. Eiji would die a thousand times over to see Ash again, and Ash would do the same. They were soulmates in a loveless world. And Ash had left Eiji alone when he needed him the most. Ash had tried not to hurt Eiji, but leaving him behind hurt him even more.
Ash had to go to Eiji. He had to admit his feelings for him. He wanted to kiss the breath out of Eiji until all Eiji could comprehend were his lips pressed against his. He wanted to hold Eiji, watch movies on the couch cuddled up under a blanket, and go on dates with him. Ash wanted to make Eiji his, and as long as Eiji was willing to give himself up, Ash would take him.
Ash held the letter to his pounding heart. There was no leaving Eiji behind. Even if neither of them belonged in the other's world, they resided in their own together. Ash set off sprinting towards the airport. He had to at least see Eiji off and promise to visit him in Japan. Or maybe he'll buy a ticket to the next flight out and meet up with Eiji. Ash knew he couldn't bear to be thousands of miles away from Eiji. For once, Ash was going to try to be happy even if, in the end, he suffered for it. Ash wanted to make more memories with Eiji to cover up his past. He was going to start over with the love of his life.
He was so caught up in his plan that he didn't even notice the hooded man bumping into him until it was too late. The figure plunged the knife right into his chest. Ash came to a stop and gripped his wound and stared at his attacker. Blood slowly trickled onto his hand onto the sidewalk. "Why did you let your guard down?" Lao sneered, "you never do. Why now?"
He pulled his gun out and shot him. Lao stumbled into the wall and slid down, "no hard feelings. I can't let you take Sing away." Ash stood panting, hunched over his injury. He stared at Lao's dying figure with disinterest. The universe had a way of fucking him over. Ash Lynx was destined to suffer. He stumbled away from Lao clutching Eiji's letter with gentleness he didn't think he possessed. Ash was tired. He was tired of hurting and being used by creepy old men. Lao provided him with an escape. Ash could finally be put to rest knowing Eiji was safe from Dino and the mafia. Banana Fish was no longer a problem; he didn't need to get revenge anymore. Ash Lynx could peacefully go to sleep. Ash thought of Eiji, how ten seconds ago, he was ready to give up his way of life for him. Now Ash was willing to give up his life to just get a break. Maybe it was fate. Eiji was leaving, and Ash was dying.
Ash smiled bitterly. His love letter stained with his blood dripping from a nonfatal wound. Ash had had worse injuries if he wanted to could live, but did he want to? Was this really the way Ash wished to die? Alone? Without confessing to Eiji? If he died here, he would never hold Eiji again. He would never eat the food Eiji makes for him. He would never experience the giddy feeling he gets when Eiji softly smiles at him. He would never see Eiji again. His death would break Eiji. Was he really willing to be that selfish? The ugly part of him screamed yes, but deeper down, a larger part of him refused. Eiji deserved better than him that much was true, but Eiji was choosing him, and that's all he needed. Ash started to run to the nearest hospital, he needed to save himself for Eiji's sake.
His trip to the hospital felt like hours. As he continued, his legs grew weaker, and his body became colder, but his heart refused to give up. He still had to give his soul to Eiji. His hope and love pushed him on. The doors of the hospital seemed miles away as Ash staggered over to them. Finally, the doors to his salvation were directly in front of him. Ash stared up at them and smiled, through the doors he saw Eiji with his arms outstretched towards him. "Eiji," he mumbled, he took his last step as his eyes rolled back into his skull and hit the cold sidewalk of the hospital. Ash took his last breath with a smile on his face, and Eiji's letter pressed to his heart as if the words would mold into his very being.