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The lyrics were too stiff. They didn’t fit what he wished to convey, but no words were enough to express how much love Rei felt. And music... music was meant to show what he couldn’t say. But this wasn’t working. Frustrated and more than a little disappointed, he shoved his notes to the side and leaned back in his chair, sighing. This wasn’t working, he couldn’t do this.
“Can’t do what? Rei-kun, are you alright there? You’ve been sitting like that for the past ten minutes without moving.”
Oh. He must have said that last part out loud. Oops. “I’m alright, thank you love. But exactly just how long have you been there, Kaoru-kun...?” Rei asked, a smile settling onto his face from Kaoru just standing next to him. God, he was so ridiculously in love with him he didn’t even know what to think anymore.
“Long enough to know that you need a break, Rei-kun. Come on and rest for a bit in the other room, yeah?” He rested his arms on Rei’s shoulder and tilted his head to look him straight in the eyes. “Sitting in here for so long with your head in your hands can’t exactly be good for you.”
Rei chuckled quietly, cupping one side of his boyfriend’s face with his hand and kissing his cheek. “I suppose a break wouldn’t be too bad then, dear.”
They headed into the living room in the apartment that they shared, and Rei flopped onto the couch, somewhat gracefully. Kaoru stopped by their record player, thumbing through the records that the two of them had started to collect, apparently unable to choose one to play.
He finally managed to choose one, a soft but sweet western melody. It was a rather old song from a very long time ago, but the two of them enjoyed it quite a bit. Sitting down on the couch next to Rei, Rei moved his head to Kaoru’s lap as he ran his hand through Rei’s hair, sighing in contentment and leaning down to leave the occasional kiss on his forehead. It had been quite awhile since the two of them had gotten to spend a day at home, and they were happy just being around each other.
The song had begun to play again after ending the first time, and Rei sat up slowly, leaning into Kaoru’s chest. He suddenly got up, and Kaoru looked up at him in confusion.
“Rei-kun, why are you getting up?”
Rei simply turned around and smiled at him, offering his hand. “Kaoru-kun, may I have this dance?”
He nodded, taking his hand (blushing slightly when Rei brushed his hand with his lips) and being pulled into the center of the room, Rei’s other hand immediately settling at his waist. “Why ask so suddenly, Rei-kun?”
“It’s been quite the long while since we’ve had some time alone, haven’t you noticed?” Rei replied. “And such a romantic song is playing, how could I pass up the chance to dance with my lovely boyfriend?”
“You’re not wrong there, it’d be such a waste to not dance with you,” he smiled, letting himself be led across the room by Rei.
“You know, I fall in love with you every day,” Rei said suddenly. “Every time I wake up to see you in my arms, seeing you drink coffee and pout because you’re still tired, even if you’re just sitting there on the couch, my heart does that same pounding it has always done. I admire everything about you, how you can treat others so calmly and properly, how you always care about the people around you, and how much you’ve grown in so many ways since we first met.
“It’s actually what I’ve been working on for the past few weeks,” he admitted. “I’ve been trying to write a song for you, as I can’t get only the words out myself. I just can’t even begin to know what to say to show how much I love you, so it’s been sitting there unfinished.”
Kaoru reached up and poked his cheek. “You never had to do anything like that, dear. After all, you’re here right now, aren’t you? And that’s more than what most words could say. I’m not complaining though, the thought itself is very sweet and I love you for that.
“But I still don’t understand how you can love someone like me so much. I’ve loved you for so long, even before I had come to terms with it, and I’m... really happy that you feel the same way for me.”
“My dear Kaoru-kun, I can’t help that I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you.” Rei smiled gently at Kaoru’s blushing face and held him tighter as the two gently swayed to the music. “I love you so much that the words I can find are simply not enough for me to tell you properly. I adore you, I appreciate you, I hold you closer to me than I ever have anyone else, I never want anyone but you. Even as I do say this, it’s not enough to say what I wholly feel.”
“Then won’t you just have to tell me every time you do find a word that you feel is enough? We have the rest of our lives for you to look for one,” Kaoru said as his eyes crinkled at the corners with his soft smile.
Rei lightly kissed both corners of that smile which he loved so dearly. “That is quite true, but I already know that such words do not exist. If I can find one that even starts to express how much I love you, then yes. Anything for you, Kaoru, especially if it means I can tell you how much I love you. I fall in love with you again every single day waking up and just seeing you by my side, you know.”
Kaoru responded to his words with a gentle press of their lips and laid his head on Rei’s shoulder, humming softly. “I love you too, Rei-kun. I’m glad that we met, and I’m glad that we’ve become so close. It still doesn’t feel completely real that the man I’m in love with loves me back so deeply. So yeah, I really do love you lots...”
Rei just pulled Kaoru closer to him and wondered how he got so lucky as to be able to call him his. To be able to wake up every day and see him and fall in love all over again. He didn’t think he could ever get sick of the feeling. Of the pounding his heart made just seeing Kaoru smile. Of the utter bliss he felt just being near him. How lucky he was to have Kaoru Hakaze as the person that loved him back in this way.
Thoughts of the ring hidden in his back pocket (so that Kaoru didn’t accidentally find it) came bubbling up to his mind, but he pushed them down. He could save that for another time, for right now he simply wished to enjoy this moment with the love of his life and cherish it forever.