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Cursed. Cursed. Cursed.
It was always with her, stuck within her like a tattoo that would never leave her skin. A vicious needle that injected its ink in her, marking her with a pain that had now took up residence in her. Her mind, her body, every fiber of her being had been suffering ever since she was born.
She had to endure this. No matter the destination nor the time, they were always following her. Disdainful stares full of hatred, often trying to occult the fear and uneasiness behind them. Offensive words and remarks that systematically knew how and where to hit her. Indexes directed at her, to point out her miserable existence.
“Look mommy, it’s her.”
It hurt every single time.
Yes it was her. The monster, the demon, the outcast, the Black Rose witch. It was hard not to recognize her with her cold yet empty eyes, her inimitable dark burgundy hairstyle and her presence that made everybody tense. She disturbed, frightened, disgusted. An anomaly at its finest, just like the child’s accusing finger proved.
Hazel eyes met a pair of young cerulean ones fixed on her. It was pretty frequent for Akiza to see this in children’s eyes. First came innocence, one of the purest feelings that could exist. It lacked the usual hatred she was used to see whenever she met a stranger’s eyes. She would almost define it as soft if the rest wasn’t coming. Next was curiosity, the desire to know more about her. Glares that scanned her, trying to find more information about those monstrous abilities. Examining her like those wild animals in a zoo. Spectacular, fascinating yet dangerous and repelling.
And there was fear.
Fear of feeling the Black Rose witch’s wrath, to be shoved on a wall by those tentacles dotted with lethal thorns. Getting hurt, cut, bleeding, enduring the pain. The innocent youth was way too terrorized to even think about approaching her. She didn’t want to feel that surge of adrenaline when the witch would come after her and destroy her, just like her other opponents. Thankfully for the child, there was quite a distance between the terrace of the cafe and her.
So she just pointed at the witch, not breaking the eye-contact with Akiza. That was until her mother forced her to look away.
Once again, a familiar stranger. She looked like everybody else in the street and yet Akiza didn’t know her. She was just acquainted with her glare. A meprisable scowl that shot daggers at the witch. The usual.
“Ignore this freak sweetie.”
Freak.
A common word for her, always spat with venom at her face, soiling her image in this society but also the image she had to face every morning in the mirror. A broken soul, dull eyes, hands tainted with the blood of the ones she hurt, whether it was intentional or not. A gruesome reflection was all she was met with.
But she was used to it by now, wasn’t she?
“...going to melt.”
She was used to being treated this way, being rejected, people jumping to conclusions whenever they first crossed her path.
Get away from her, she’s dangerous.
She never inspired trust considering her past and even her present. Sometimes it was hard to contain her powers, to remain calm and ignore the rest of the world.
“Aki?”
Progress has been made since a while now, but the burgundy haired woman was still too focused on the disobliging remarks to realize that she was deeply cared for.
“Akiza.”
Voice brought her back to reality as she jolted from her thoughts. Right, how could she forget. Cobalt blue eyes landed on her, softness emanating from them. Eyes that didn’t judge, that protected, that loved. She never felt an ounce of antipathy in Yusei. He was there to support her, to get her mind off of these demons that kept haunting her. Whether it was with duels, small talks or dates, Yusei always found a solution to cheer her girlfriend up.
And yet...
“Your ice cream is going to— What’s wrong?”
The raven furrowed his brows in concern, ungloved hands reaching for pale ones. Fingers caressed the back of her hand in circling motions, trying to soothe her. Akiza could fake it, hide behind a mask pretending to be an icy cold heart that held no feelings but hatred and desire of revenge.
Yusei, however, couldn’t get fooled.
With a simple look, he could pick up on small details and understand her. A trembling body, hands tightly curled into fists, eyes darting in all directions as if they were trying to hold onto something to temperate the boiling emotions.
“Hey,” he called for her once again with that same calming voice but with a more serious tone. “Look at me Aki, tell me what’s going on.”
Voice cracked in desperation. “Y-Yusei, I…”
For the first time in a while, words couldn’t cross her lips as a lump formed in her throat. She failed to see the reassurance in the cobalt sea that called for her. A few blinks and a blur appeared before her eyes, increasing her anxious state.
Akiza couldn’t break down like that, not during her date, not in front of everyone.
She had to put on her mask.
Hazel orbs held back the forming tears, breathing steadied as the burgundy haired woman focused. Despite her attempts on calming down, these vile humans were still testing her tenacity.
“Dude, turn around slowly, two tables behind us, it’s the Black Rose witch.”
They knew what effect these words had on her. Pointing her existence out, questioning her acts, judging her. No one cared about how much it hurt to be treated like the black sheep.
“Oh damn you’re right, let’s leave before she tries to kill us.”
They weren’t even hiding nor trying to be discreet. Words echoed in her mind, sounds amplifying until she couldn’t hear nothing else but them. No more chirping birds, no more wind, no more of Yusei’s words that aimlessly tried to reach her.
“Pffft if anything she should try to kill herself to change a bit.”
Just pure madness and destruction.
Her hand firmly grasped the back of the chair, pulling it back as she stood up, her insides burned with anger. The powers that were put under a deep slumber agitated her wholly. She needed to let it all out.
“Rose tentacles…”
A great shadow covered the sun hitting on the terrace, catching both boys’ attention. Eyes widening, gasps and sheer panic were expressed as they realized their mistake.
She snickered.
It was funny how everybody felt free to insult, diminish, criticize Akiza when she wasn’t reacting. Like a statue that would bear all attacks without responding. Immobile, powerless, silent, at their mercy. That’s what they thought of her. Deep inside, she absorbed those words, drank them all, feasted from their animosity. A bomb that was ready to explode when they’d least expect it.
They feared movement, reaction which proved that Akiza was not a simple object they could toy with and treat like scum. Behind this appearance, a heart was beating, a brain was thinking, emotions flooded, a soul was hurting.
Alas it was too late for apologies.
Green limbs swept away everything on their path, chairs and tables flew as thorns destroyed and reduced the place in dust. Ignoring the screams of terror, the clients running for their life, the one who told her to stop, she focused on her targets. A blink of an eye and both of them were trapped up in the air, spikes digging into their skin and flesh.
Begs, supplications, sobs, nothing would erase the large cheshire smile plastered on her face. The woman’s heart pumped faster as she delighted in these features falling apart in dread, vocal cords almost shattering from their vibrations.
Yes, she wanted to see more of it. More pain, more screams, more blood dripping, more regret in their tearful eyes. She thrived off of this, people reaping what they sowed, being the one who hurt them back and who was in control of the situation. It would just take her some more use of her powers and—
“Akiza stop it!”
Adrenaline suddenly dropped, not entirely vanishing but it disappeared somehow, almost hiding in shame. The shame of being called out, stopped in the heat of the moment.
And the aftermath followed.
Her whole figure violently shook as she felt those two hands strongly seizing her shoulders, immediately exorcising her rage from her body. It was burning, it set her on fire. The embarrassment, the stares coming from the curious yet frightened ones who remained to attend the Black Rose’s live show.
They muttered, they glanced, they judged.
She bursted out, she exploded and lost it in front of everyone. They wouldn’t let go of her after this. Exclamations and comments were brought to life, but she was too lost in her consciousness to even try to decipher what they were saying.
The evil haunting her was silently watching her frail soul from the corner of its eyes, trying to hide, to run away.
It was no use, she was paralyzed. And so was the evil being.
There was no acting when Yusei’s light shone, much to its displeasure. A snarl and it faded away, leaving Akiza alone and terrified in the depths of her mind.
However, the light was still there. It glowed with all its might, calling for her. The redhead stepped without much confidence but she knew it was better than remaining on her own and drowning in her fears.
Hazel orbs regained some colors as they came back to reality.
Insults came from all sides but the raven blocked them and fought back. A shield and a sword within a man. He wouldn’t let them hurt his beloved one.
“If you have a problem with my girlfriend, we can absolutely deal with it outside,” a tightly curled fist accompanied his words, highlighting the meaning of his statement.
Silence answered him, of course no one would dare to defy Yusei, but the latter paid no more attention to these weaklings. A protective arm passed around Akiza’s trembling body and rested on her waist. Their date may have escalated quicker and differently than he would’ve thought, but being here for her was what mattered now.
To leave and forget the horror here.
Erratic breaths, quick walking pace and eyes twitching. It was hard for her to cool down as the remaining rage still burned deep inside her guts, setting her insides on fire. Her loud and rapid steps hammered the grass beneath her shoes, she was still shook inside.
However, she wasn’t done yet, she needed to express it.
An inhalation and words followed. “I can defend myself you know.”
“Of course, you’re strong after all,” he replied calmly.
“Then why?”
“I care about you, and I will never tolerate insults towards you,” he frowned at the sense of deja vu. “Isn’t that enough?”
Footsteps brutally stopped as she turned around to face the raven with a sigh. There were times like these when none of this felt real. The protection, the caring, the affection. It would feel weird, unfamiliar, even though it has been a while now. Deep down, Akiza knew that Yusei spoke the truth but her demons were still wandering around, waiting for her breakdown to devour her.
She doubted.
“It’s just…” Voice raised progressively. “ What if I hurt you? What if I lost control and hurt you too? You’ve never thought about this, have you?”
“We’ve been over this already Aki. That was once, and a long time ago.”
The Fortune Cup duel was a distant memory for him. Their first encounter, where words were exchanged for the first time along with glances. His strong spirit kept trying to reach her and pierced the icy shell covering her broken heart despite all the suffering. Hits, cuts, slaps, falls and he still remained determined to save her from the veil that isolated her.
Yes, it was over now.
For him.
“You don’t understand Yusei… I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. My powers they're—”
Warm hands cupped her cheeks in interruption. “Dangerous yes, I know. But that’s fine by me.”
“...Fine? Do you think this is fine? Really? ”
Well, ransacking a cafe was clearly not a great example of being fine. Just like a reddening face, quavering voice and tears running down her cheeks were the total opposite. Despite the wide forest, she could still feel her words echoing in desperation, scaring off a few birds here and there.
She couldn’t really blame Yusei for his reply, after all he was used to it. Save, protect, cheer up until the next relapse, rewind.
But she wasn’t.
Each time Akiza tried to run away from her demons, they just kept running faster, caught her tighter, consumed her further. There was no escape. She could still try to deny who she was but her psychic powers always came back for a little reminder.
Give in. Come on, lose yourself.
Evil whispers automatically drained all the fondness from her heart, replacing it with pure madness that screamed to be released and crush everything on its way. A wild beast bursted out in anger deep within her, trying to break free of that cage the redhead had created. This vicious and malevolent creature faked weakness, making Akiza believe that she finally got rid of it. And whenever she would falter, it wouldn’t hesitate to feast on her emotions, swallow them and taint her, reanimating the Black Rose she despised so much.
Containing the untamable, resisting to the powerful one, a routine she was tired of.
I hate myself.
Pale fingers tightly grasped a few dark burgundy locks, firmly holding them, almost tearing them off with her strength.
Her shaky voice continued. “I-I don’t like any of this, from the very beginning it just caused me trouble and nothing more… I thought that was behind me but... I don’t know how to do this.”
Irregular breaths came back and that was the last straw for Yusei. A flash of worry and panic passed through his eyes as he quickly thought about away to calm her down. Hazel orbs trembled, vision blurred, as the redhead felt dizzy and let herself overwhelm by her morbid thoughts.
Her heart pounded so fast she didn’t really know if she could actually feel it or if it was an illusion. She quickly lost sense of reality, feeling detached. Eyes darted in directions, not even noticing Yusei in front of her.
She was completely lost.
“N-no… I don’t want to…”
She repeated those words like a mantra, trying to give herself some courage to run away faster.
“I’m here Aki don’t panic.”
His deep and calm voice contrasted with the state of frenzy she was going through, trying to attain her.
“Look at me, inhale.”
A simple command she followed absentmindedly, eyes staring at the void as she imitated Yusei’s movement. Breath held, demons slowed their pace, leaving a greater distance between them and Akiza.
“Now exhale.”
She let out a puff of air, almost in relief. Dismay and sorrow were gently expulsed through that exhalation, freeing her step by step.
A few repetitions and she could finally catch a clear sight of Yusei’s face, several inches away from hers.
“Are you okay?” Eyebrows furrowed in worry, not sure quite sure if he should be convinced.
The redhead nodded as she felt a pair of arms enveloping her, drawing her closer into a hug. Hushed silence reigned between the couple as they enjoyed the feeling of being with each other. During these moments, words weren’t of any use to understand the other as their hearts beat in sync. Akiza hugged him tighter, nuzzling the crook of his neck, savoring the alleviating feeling it provided her.
“How…” she slowly began after a while. “How come I’m not embarrassing you?’
He chuckled. “I’m starting to think that I’m really bad with words since you’re still asking.”
“It’s not that, I just…”
Voice trailed in hesitation, she didn’t know how to put proper words on her doubts and fears. The tender hair petting quickly shoved them away.
“There’s no way your true self would embarrass me Aki. I’m with you, we’re in this together, remember?”
He loosened his grip to pull back, Akiza’s arms imitated his, breaking the hug.
“See this mark here?” Yusei’s index pointed at the jagged criminal mark on his cheek. “It has caused me trouble and rejection too.”
“Even though you’re not a delinquent.”
“Yes, just like you’re not a witch nor a monster.”
Eyes widened in realization. It was simple to understand, terms she used to repeat every morning at her reflection before she started losing hope. Although, hearing it from someone else made her feel… different. These words hit her harder when they came from him than when she talked to herself.
“I might cause you trouble as much as you might hurt me with your powers, but I trust you.”
While she tried to break away from her demons, Yusei embraced his own and lived in peace with them. But most importantly, he trusts her, he has faith and believes in her when she struggled to give herself this confidence. Tears were brought to hazel eyes but instantly died on the raven’s digits as he wiped them with his left hand, his right one pressed against its counterpart, fingers intertwined with her partner’s.
“These powers are part of you and they make you special. I know that you’re having a hard time controlling them but look at the progress you’ve made so far,” he never teared his eyes away from hers as he spoke.
“You’re right…”
“You’ll get there one day. And whenever you’ll doubt, tell me. I’ll remind you that I’ll be there for you.”
A soft smile spread across her previously concerned face. “You’re actually pretty good with words.”
“Just pretty good?”
“Hmm maybe a bit more than that.”
And with a peck on his cheek, the haunting malignant spirits burned in agony, crawled desperately towards the redhead, refusing the way their grip on her mind and soul weakened. Vile creatures uttered an ultimate death rattle before turning into ashes, vanishing in the abyss.
For the first time, Akiza’s heart beat unfettered.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks Yusei.”
The redhead’s hands kindly welcomed the tingling heat from the fuming cup of tea, radiating the warmth onto her skin. Akiza sank further into the sofa as she blew off the steam, her shoulders relaxing in satisfaction. The raven joined her right away and sat down by her side.
He turned his head to face her. “You look way more appeased than earlier, I’m glad.”
“I don’t think I could’ve done it without you.”
“Don’t give me all the credit, you should be proud of yourself.”
The first sip slightly burned the tip of her tongue but it didn’t stop her from swallowing more of it, earning a throat burn. It felt good.
She stared at her reflection in the mug, her eyes matching the color of her tea. They were still puffy from crying but the sad look tarnishing them was almost gone.
Yes, almost.
But he was right. He did help her but she managed to stop faster than during the Fortune Cup. There was some progress. She wasn’t perfect, she never will, but she was getting better. She caused a lot of damage, she harmed but she didn’t kill, if that could cheer her up a bit.
Not only that, but what Yusei told her earlier worked too.
A beam graced her lips at the thought of these words and leaned against his comfortable shoulder, still giving the raven an access to her temple as he kissed it. Akiza’s heart fluttered at the sensation, everything felt right at this moment. Her body against his, the church like silence punctuated by the ticking clock on the wall, the dim light produced by the candles.
Everything felt right, except maybe that uncomfortable feeling itching her. Words that were left unsaid.
She sighed, dropping her smile, lips disposed into a straight line. Her tea suddenly tasted bitter after another mouthful of the hot liquid.
“I’m sorry I ruined our date,” she blurted out.
A muscular arm slid behind her and brought her closer.
“You didn’t,” he shook his head. “They did, it’s not your fault. Besides, the location doesn’t matter as long as we’re together, right?”
Her smaller hand unconsciously joined the warm one resting on her stomach, seeming deep in thought.
“Mmh… But it could be even better.”
A dark eyebrow raised curiously at the playful tone she used. “How so?”
With a timid yet comfortable beam plastered on her face, the redhead pushed Yusei back in order to lay him down on the sofa, he loosened his grip to let her do so. A final sip and she put down her empty mug on the table, hands now free for a cuddling session. As much as she loved being taken care of and pampered by her boyfriend, she still knew when to put her needs aside. Her slim figure laid down on Yusei’s, slightly obstructed by her breasts but she didn’t mind.
Hands slowly roamed over his chest, legs fitted perfectly with each other, as if their bodies were meant to be perfectly interlaced. The raven responded with a light blush and a gentle smile, arms sheltering his partner’s body.
“I think you hit it right on the nose,” he commented, sliding his finger down her spine.
“It’s better this way isn’t it?”
“Way better.”
Akiza tilted her head to the side, placing it right near his heart as she listened to the regular beats, almost lulling her to sleep. Her index stroked his abdomen in a circular motion as a distraction in attempt to avoid the slumber. She still wanted to enjoy this tender moment with him. No more disturbance, no more judgemental glares, no more pressure, just the two of them.
Cobalt orbs observed the scene in delight, a deep feeling of fondness washed over their owner. He always found fascinating how Akiza would go over a large palette of feelings within a day. Devastating anger, sadness, anxiety, calm and at last joy. Some would call her an emotional rollercoaster but he called her Aki. A human being who has been through a lot of suffering, a girl who still fights despite relapses from time to time, someone who has a lot of love to give, contrary to popular belief.
His girlfriend.
One of his hands left her back and reached her neck, expecting a reaction but received nothing but silence. Yusei’s head curiously bent in as he noticed the lack of hazel in sight and the caresses that had stopped at some point.
He stifled a laugh. “Wake up sweetheart.”
Eyes shot open in surprise, blinked twice before landing on deep blue ones.
“Uh.. I was just resting my eyes.”
“Sure you were.”
His hands slid down, lifting Akiza in a sitting position as he did so. She looked quite exhausted, he almost felt bad for waking her up but the only thing he could think of right now was pressing his lips against hers, capturing them in a chaste kiss.
A sudden jolt of surprise and she instantly joined him despite the brain fog she still felt. Lips first moved at a slow pace, allowing Akiza to adapt a bit. It didn’t take her much time as she deepened the kiss. Tongues met, initiating a slow but seductive ballet between the two appendages. A relaxed sigh escaped her as she melted into the kiss, the embrace, the strokes. The redhead reciprocated smoothly, hands stopped a moment to firmly hold him, not wanting to let go as they went on in harmony.
Whimpers and sighs mixed with each other.
Yusei didn’t have to go deep when the water was this clear. It was easy to understand her, to find the right thing to soothe her pain, how to save her from the ocean of her fears. He wanted her to feel all of it, his faith, his protectiveness, his support, his love. Words were not always powerful, they didn’t hit as hard as actions did, so maybe this could work better. He’d make her believe in herself, trust his words and understand that he’ll be there for her.
This would work.
Bodies swung together in the now heated kiss, passion overwhelmed them as they moved against each other. Heads cocked to the side, not noticing how close from the ground they were, a few inches off the sofa.
Leaning in to the right, just a bit, trying to maintain the balance—
Thud.
Nope.
Their fall abruptly broke their kiss, almost rudely interrupting them.They bumped into the table but their impact wasn’t strong enough to knock off the empty mug. Positions exchanged, Yusei was now on the top of her. Akiza hadn’t stopped holding him, arms still around his neck.
Confused blinks, reddened faces, swollen lips, speechlessness.
They weren’t even panting as they were too baffled by what just happened.
Voice broke the silence. “I’m definitely awake now.”
The raven’s lips trembled at this statement before bursting into laughter, rapidly followed by Akiza’s soft giggle. A joyful memory she’d cherish and keep safely whenever she’ll feel like reminiscing. The tenderness, the amusement, the calm after the storm.
Deep inside, her soul freely danced in circles, finally able to rejoice.
Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.