Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This is it

This is our last shot

I must win

I must not let him win!

I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!

Tanjirou had turned into a demon. Muzan and Tanjirou were fighting over control of the Kamodo boy’s body. 

Tanjirou felt tired. Oh so tired. He wanted it to be over. He was conscious of what was happening. He could see himself attacking the others, but he couldn’t stop his body. Slowly, but surely, Muzan was taking complete control over his body. He was sure that his mind would be gone soon, too.

No.

He couldn’t let him win. He just couldn’t. The life of so many rested on his hands! If I could just stop Muzan’s control! If I could just take control of his body even for a little bit, then-!

… 

Then what. What could I do in that little time? What would I do? Slice my own head off? My sword is too far away, and I beg Muzan would be back in control by then. 

I’m tired. I’m just so tired.

I want this to stop, to be over. Why can’t it be over already??

Tanjirou’s body had started to cry. The people around were shocked, and had hope that Tanjirou was still in there. 

The sun started climbing up into the sky. The rays hit Tanjirou’s body and started burning it. Tanjirou felt the pain and knew Muzan did too. Muzan took that time to gain control of his body again with the pain distracting the conscience of Tanjirou.  Tanjirou wanted to scream and shout and cry and- 

He wanted to do so many things. He was aware of his friends, Zenitsu and Inosuke, around him watching in terror that Tanjirou, poor, sweet, kind, strong Tanjirou had turned into a demon. 

He saw the disbelief in everyone’s face. He knew he had to end this. But before he could do anything, Tanjirou attacked the people around him. The sun no longer burned his flesh. 

Tanjirou saw the panic in Giyuu’s eyes. He saw the pain. He saw the look of everyone around him. He wanted to get his body back! But he couldn’t! His mind was getting weaker by the minute. 

Tanjirou knew what would happen next. He tried to close his “eyes” in order to avoid seeing the inevitable outcome. To not see Giyuu right in front of him, to not see the kakushis, to not see the looks of pure horror on his friends faces. But he couldn’t hide the sound of what came next.

There was a sharp slice, and a sickening rip of flesh. And the thud of a head.

When Tanjirou saw again. He saw the crimson on his hands. The wet sticky substance on his fingers dripping down. He knew what happened, and he was terrified to look down. But of course he had to. That’s what Muzan did. Muzan watched as Giyuu’s body dropped to the ground, pooling blood all around him. Muzan watched as Giyuu’s head rolled away. 

Tanjirou couldn’t do anything. 

He wanted to cry and scream. He wanted to shout “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Giyuu-San I’m so sorry! Please no! No! No! No! No! No

Giyuu-San!”

But he couldn’t. He could only watch. He couldn’t even cry anymore. He had no control over his body. Muzan controlled it. 

Tanjirou saw the shocked faces of those around and the gasps of surprise. Giyuu was their last hope. Tanjirou saw as Inosuke sprung towards Tanjirou’s body.

NO! INOSUKE NO! PLEASE DON’T! I CAN’T SEE YOU GET KILLED TOO! PLEASE DON’t! PLEASE!

But of course Inosuke didn’t stop running. He had his blades ready for the cut, but he hesitated. Inosuke couldn’t cut off the head of his closest friend, his closest family. 

And Nezuko came and stopped Tanjirou before he could kill Inosuke.

Tanjirou’s conscience was already slipping. He knew he didn’t have long. His sister was too late, his friends- no. His family was too late. He couldn’t fight back against Muzan. This was it. He wanted to say so much. 

In Tanjirou’s final moments of concsiousness, he was able to control his body once more. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry. Please forgive me. I failed you all. I couldn’t do it. I love you all so much. Please. End it all. I’m so tired. I just want it to stop. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I love you all so much- and I- I-“

Tanjirou’s body started to cry again. He was clinging onto his friends for dear life. Tanjirou was slipping away. 

Tanjirou remembered his friends. He took in their scents one more time, in one more deep breath before Muzan took control over his body for the last time.

Nezuko, Zenitsu, and Inosuke thought that Tanjirou had come back. They had a moment of relief.

Nezuko got a part of her shoulder bitten out and she bled to death.

Zenitsu got a deep slash in his abdomen and was flung hard into the ground, dieing.

Inosuke got his neck sliced and died instantly.

The Pillars left tried to kill him and all died.

Even Shinobu’s poison that was left wasn’t enough.

The Demon Slayer Corpse has failed.

Muzan has won.

Chapter Text

It was cold, and Tanjirou’s nose twitched from the breeze. I don’t remember it being cold… wait what was happening?

Tanjirou groaned and squirmed a little. Giyuu’s head shot up from where he was and looked at the Kamodo siblings. 

Wait… Muzan… what happened to Muzan? Didn’t he take my body- I remember! We were fighting Muzan… and he took over my body… I killed Giyuu… I-I killed my comrades… I lost… but then. How am I alive? Did I actually win my body back over.

His eyes shot open and his brain hurt from the sudden brightness of the sky. Tanjirou blinked some more to clear his eyes. He noticed that there were trees up above. And that it was shockingly cold… but that doesn’t make sense. I was in a city during summer… where… where am I? What’s happening?

Tanjirou shot up and got an immediate head rush. Giyuu hardened his stance again when he saw the Kamodo sibling burst up from the ground. He relaxed again when he saw the confusion on the sibling’s face.

Tanjirou looked around and noticed his sister on the floor next to him… with the muzzle… wait what? But Nezuko lost her muzzle?

Tanjirou then noticed Giyuu standing by a tree. Tanjirou’s breath stopped and his heart started beating a mile a minute. He got dizzy. 

Wh-what? How? He was- I- I killed him! I saw him die! I killed him by my own hands! I can’t have forgotten that? What is happening?? I-I-I don’t-

“So you’re finally awake.” Was all Giyuu said. Tanjirou stares open mouthed at Giyuu. 

Maybe it was a dream… no. Don’t be stupid, it was to real. You know it really happened. Giyuu died… so how is he standing right before me?

Tanjirou couldn’t look away from Giyuu, and he could start to feel the tears form in his eyes from the surreal-ness of the situation.

Giyuu continued talking, but Tanjirou was deaf to what he had to say. He still couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening.

Before Tanjirou could stop it, he started crying. He could feel the tears falling down his face and become freezing against his skin due to the cold. That didn’t stop him from crying though. “G-g-giyuu-San! Your, your ali-ive?!” 

Tanjirou was balling now, and Giyuu’s eyes widened slightly and he stopped dead in what he was saying when he heard Tanjirou call him by his name. He knew he never told the child his name. Giyuu stares at the child in confusion and could feel his face scrunch up. 

Tanjirou hunched over now chanting “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over. Giyuu didn’t know what to do. What was this child talking about? Why would I not be alive? Giyuu pauses for a little more while staring at Tanjirou. 

Giyuu truly was at a loss of words. Like why wasn’t the kid concerned over his sister? They just fought each other over whether she dies or not? So why was he paying his sister practically no mind? And how did the kid know his name? Why was he chanting sorry like a prayer? It doesn’t feel directed towards his family or sister... but to... others.

Giyuu shook the thoughts from his head, focusing back on Tanjirou.

Said boy had calmed down a little, but he stayed huddled in on himself. He had gone from full on crying to hiccups and sporadic breathing.

Giyuu came up to the Kamodo boy. “Kamodo.” Was all Giyuu said. Tanjirou gasped and sprung from his hunched over position to look up at Giyuu. 

Before, Giyuu was disgusted at Tanjirou crying, and yelling at him to stop and such. But Giyuu sensed the change in the reason he was crying. He wasn’t crying over his sister or over the unfairness of the world or anything. He seemed to be crying in relief, but not in relief of his sister living.

Giyuu was very confused.

He knelt down to the Kamodo boy, staring in straight into his eyes. They both paused, looking for what to say. Finally Giyuu asked, “ how do you know my name.”

That was It. Tanjirou’s eyes widened in disbelief and his eyebrows dropped in sadness. He didn’t understand. 

Does… Giyuu-San not remember me? How… how is that…

“Kamodo, how?” His voice was firm with and icy harshness to it, but still managed to gave an air of comfort to Tanjiro. Giyuu was still staring deep into Tanjirou’s eyes as if they would give the answer. Tanjirou couldn’t speak and only stammered over his words. “I-I-I… you… I-...” 

Suddenly Tanjirou got a shot of energy through his body and grabbed his head in pain. Tanjirou remembered the very first time he met Giyuu-San. In the snow of the woods near his home. He suddenly remembered their fight, his sister protecting him, and Giyuu sparring his sister’s life.

How does that work? I mean it explains why I’m here, but then it just opens the door to even more questions…

Tanjirou caught a wiff of Giyuu’s scent and could tell the man was getting agitated. He removed his hand from his head, the searing headache he got fading away as quickly as he got it. 

The boy continued to stare at his hands trying to piece the words together when he suddenly said,

“... I don’t know.”

Giyuu stared at the Kamod boy for a long moment, and Tanjirou could feel his eyes burning holes into his skull. In honesty, Tanjirou was scared to look up. He didn’t know if he could handle Giyuu right now. This whole situation was making him sick, and he could feel nausea coming on. He couldn’t organize his thoughts and emotions, and he was getting over whelmed.

Tanjirou’s thoughts were going wild in a desperate search for answers. He kept asking why? How? When? How is Giyuu alive? Why is he acting so cold to me? Why doesn’t he remember me? How is Nezuko a demon again? Why am I back here?

What is happening?

Giyuu stayed silent and stoic, standing back up. “...visit the elder Urokodaki Sakonji… He lives at the foot of the misty mountain…” Tanjirou scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. Tanjirou finally looked up at Giyuu; he found himself at a loss for words. 

“...” Tanjirou paused before he spoke, his mouth quivering as he thought of what exactly to say; what to ask. “Why are you...sending me to Urokodaki-sama?” Is what Tanjirou decided to ask.

Giyuu twitched his brows down slightly, but other then that, his face was back to being emotionless.  Why does the boy talk about Urokodaki-San in that way. Does he… know him? Giyuu turned to leave but paused at the call from the boy.

“Giyuu-San, wait! What is going on? Why am I here? D-do you know what’s happening?” Tanjirou stared hopefully at Giyuu In hopes that he had an answer. 

Instead, Giyuu turned his back and disappeared into the woods. He himself had questions, but decided his work was more important than the boy. But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t confused or curious as to what the boy was talking about. He noticed how confused the boy looked. How… shocked he looked to see him. He felt kind of... sad towards the boy, not for his sister, but in how desperate he sounded for answers.

The boy truly looked confused, but I gave him all the help I could for the moment... but his eyes looked so... 

Giyuu shook that train of thoughts away. He ended up filing those reactions of the Kamodo boy under “his sister turned into a demon and I tried to kill her, so his reaction is normal” folder in his brain. He decided that he would ignore it. It was a normal reaction… right? Giyuu himself didn’t fully understand why he felt like he  wanted... no... needed to protect the boy. He felt a weird connection to him, but he couldn’t place his finger on it.

Again, Giyuu shook those thoughts away, trying to focus his duty as a slayer. He didn’t know why he was thinking like this, why he felt like he wa- no. He stopped those trains of thought again and locked them away. He had work to do, he could focus on this situation later. 

Leaving behind an utterly confused Tanjirou, Giyuu continued onward to his next duty. The Kamodo boy sat in his spot for a few moments longer looking at the spot where Giyuu just was, watching the snow fall more and more, thinking about what had happened. He felt kind of hurt when Giyuu ignored him, but he supposed it was normal for Giyuu to do that… but still. Tanjirou knew he had a close relationship with Giyuu... he remember all the time he spent with Giyuu before the battle...

the battle...

The boy had an idea of what happened, and why the two boy’s interaction went as it did but… no. It was too ridiculous of a thought. 

Looking over his shoulder to his sister, Tanjirou saw her sleeping peacefully on the floor, unbothered by the cold. Her sight brought a sense of peace to Tanjirou, a small piece of mind in his jumbled thoughts and emotions.

Trying to collect his thoughts, Tanjirou took a deep breath to calm himself. He decided to follow what Giyuu had told him to do, and go to Urokodaki’s mountain.

Drying his face and eyes, Tanjirou grabbed his sister and made his way to the Misty Mountain. He was still confused as ever, and emotionally damaged from everything he remembers… but if his idea was right… then that meant…

Tanjirou walked onward. He had to see if his idea was right. If he really was sent back in time.

Chapter Text

On his way to the Misty Mountain, Tanjirou did pretty much everything similar to the first time he did it. He got the basket for Nezuko and traveled the long path to the mountains. Tanjirou remembered the poor people at the house who were eaten by the demon. 

At this point, Tanjirou was 100 percent positive he was sent back in time. He just didn’t know how. He still had so many unanswered questions, but decided to push them away for now. He didn’t know how to handle this situation, so he just pushed forwards.

Tanjirou arrived at the mountain at the same time he originally did. The fight went like it did last time he was there.

When Urokodaki appeared, Tanjirou immediately felt his heart and spirits rise, only to fall again when he remembered that Urokodaki didn't know him yet. That’s okay! He could live with that, right? The man he thought of as a father not remembering him? 

It’s okay, he’ll know me soon enough. I just have to be patient! Right?

Tanjirou still hesitates in killing the demon this time, but he knew it would turn out fine in the end. Urokodaki still took in Tanjirou, so he didn’t have to worry!

Everything after their first meeting went as before. Tanjirou ran after Urokodaki, cursing his body for not being adapted to this exercise yet. 

That’s right. Tanjirou wasn’t a slayer yet. He had to train for two years. Again. 

Tanjirou would be lying if he said his heart didn’t fall slightly at the thought. He ended up shaking the thought away. It’ll be fine! I did it before I can do it again… it’ll be fine…

On Tanjirou’s way down the mountain, he made his trip a bit smoother compared to his very first time doing this. He at least knew the traps were there before he set any off.

So when Urokodaki took him in, Tanjirou started his training. Again.

He trained and trained, even harsher than last time if it was even possible. He knew what to expect, he knew what would happen. He knew what he had to do .

Occasionally Urokodaki would get concerned over Tanjirou working himself too hard. On multiple occasions Urokodaki had to either force the young boy to stop for the day or carry a passed out body to bed.

But Tanjirou didn’t stop. For all he knew this was his last chance to win. He wanted to get as strong as possible as fast as possible. This led to Tanjirou overworking himself on multiple occasions. 

I have to win. I’m not letting Muzan win this time. This might be my last chance. If I want to protect everyone I love, if I want them to live, I’ve got to do this! I need to work harder! 

Curse my body for being back to how it was before! I’m not as agile and strong as I was… but I’ve got to keep going… I’ve got to…

But Tanjirou did get the breathing techniques down faster then last time. He was able to get down the stances and the power of his attacks. Tanjirou finished his training quicker than last before.

On the day Urokodaki told him he could teach him no more, Tanjirou was prepared to slice the boulder.

Tanjirou was prepared to fight Sabito, he knew what to expect. So it was so frustrating when Tanjirou lost the fight, still. In the end Tanjirou practically perfected his breathing techniques, saying as he already knew how to do them properly. 

He was just so frustrated that he had to train his body all over again. It took him two years, again. It was a long time, and to him, it felt longer than it should have.

But Tanjirou beat Sabito in a shorter time. Rather than six months, it only took three.

Tanjirou beat Sabito and split the rock. He was finally allowed into the final selection.

On the night of waiting to departure for the final selection, Tanjirou had the night to himself. It was just him and his thoughts. He finally had time to think.

Even after two years, Tanjirou still didn’t have an answer as to what happened to him. And he doubted he’d find an answer anytime soon.

Tanjirou laid in bed staring at the ceiling. His mind started drifting over the past few years, and then to his friends. 

His friends .

He’s missed them so much. 

Their distinct scents, their constant bickers, Zenitsu’s crying and clinging, and Inosuke’s screams and “attacks.” He missed them, and he’s felt so lonely for the past two years. 

The room began to get blurry and Tanjirou’s eyes started stinging. Then one tear rolled down, and another, until he couldn’t contain his tears anymore. He couldn’t stop thinking back on all the time he spent with his friends, with the pillars, the Demon slayers, everyone . 

Tanjirou let out a slight hiccup.

His thoughts eventually drifted to the battle he had with Muzan. He remembered Giyuu… he remembered his friends… the pillars… all of it. The tears came a little harder and Tanjirou covered his mouth to muffle his breathing and cries, his body shaking in attempt to keep quiet.

In the past two years Tanjirou hadn’t thought back fully onto the battle he had. Sure he would get momentary bits-and-pieces, but would always throw the thoughts to the side in favor of training.

Now that he had the time to actually think and remember, his emotions got the better of him. He deeply hoped that he could do it this time, that he could win, that he could be strong enough.

Will I actually have the strength when the time comes? I want to be able to protect everyone… I want them to live… but can I actually do it? Will I ever have the strength? 

A cry left his mouth.

I need to train harder… get stronger, I need to master the water breathing and the dance of the sun god. I CAN'T fail this time! If I do… everyone… 

Tanjirou cried a little harder at the thought, this time both hands over his face to muffle his cry. He hunched in on himself, trying to find comfort and protection. He didn’t know how he could change time. He was sent back for a reason, right? He had a chance, right?!

Tanjirou didn’t know. He didn’t have the answers and it frustrates him to no end. He was lonely, confused, and scared.

He didn’t know if he could do it, but he was prepared to try. Tanjirou kept crying for a long time. His thoughts taking a while to calm down.

Eventually, a curled up, calmed breath Tanjirou fell asleep. He had a dreamless night.

Chapter Text

When he woke up, Tanjirou felt a gross sticky-ness on his face from his tears. Tanjirou cleaned his face the best he could and made his way out to where Urokodaki was. 

It was time to head to the final selection.

When he saw Urokodaki, he deeply hoped that his eyes weren’t too puffy and red from his crying. Tanjirou caught a slight whiff of concern coming from the older man, and prayed that he didn’t ask questions about him crying.

Tanjirou said his greetings and sat down for breakfast. Tanjirou felt oddly relaxed, and was thankful the man in front didn’t mention anything about last night. 

They finished their breakfast and cleaned up, and Urokodaki went to get Tanjirou his haori and mask. When he came back with said items, Urokodaki set them down and waited for Tanjirou to join him.

They sat in silence for a moment before Urokodaki spoke. “Tanjirou… are you prepared for this?” Tanjirou looked up at Urokodaki and simply gave him a determined nod. If only he could tell him that this would be easy, that he’s definitely seen and fought worse demons than the ones in the final selection. 

But he stayed silent. He was ready to kill that arm demon. He was ready for the seven days. He was ready to become a demon slayer once more.

Tanjirou could smell the concern and sadness coming from Urokodaki. He wanted to comfort him and tell him not to worry, that he’ll be fine, but Tanjirou felt that those words would be useless. The only way he could truly bring peace to Urokodaki is to come back alive.

So, Tanjirou left for the Wisteria mountain, determined to get these seven days over with. 

Tanjirou was ready to start the final selection, so when the Ubuyashiki children started talking, he started to drone them out. He ended up looking around at the other children. He remembered how few were left after the seven days.

Maybe he could save a few this time… maybe more could make it… he had to try.

Tanjirou continued to look around and felt his heart pick up when he spotted a familiar mop of blonde locks. How he wished he could go over to talk to him like before, but he had to wait. He would wait for after the selection, he knew that Zenitsu would be perfectly fine. 

Tanjirou also spotted Genya, smiling in his direction as well, softening his eyes the way he would when looking at his younger siblings.

Tanjirou quickly looked away when he noticed Genya’s gaze flick over to Tanjirou. He felt a slight blush creep onto his face from being caught staring. Genya didn’t even remember him! At least Zenitsu was too distracted with whining to notice Tanjirou looking at him.

The Ubuyashiki children’s speech was coming to an end and started the final selection.

Tanjirou dashed off in the direction of where he might find the arms demon. That demon was his target.

Slicing demons here and there, Tanjirou eventually found the arm demon. Tanjirou ran just in time to slice off the arm reaching for another person.

The fight ended quick, Tanjirou successfully slicing off the demon’s head while ignoring the demon’s little speech of the “fox children.”

Tanjirou still paid his respects to the demon, holding it’s hand in its final moments. 

The rest of the fox children whose spirits were left at the mountains finally found peace in the slaying of the arms demon. Sabito and Makomo were proud of Tanjirou, they felt he would win.

Tanjirou continued on, looking for any other children who might need his help.

I might be able to save some! Please don’t die! I’ve got to try and keep them alive, if I can do anything about that I will! I will not fail in keeping these people alive!

And so he went, slaying any and all demons who came upon him. Tanjirou was able to save some people at the last moment from being devoured by demons. But Tanjirou felt it wasn’t enough. He wanted to protect as many people, but it was impossible!

I know I can’t protect everyone… but I wish I could! I have to get stronger! I must! If I can’t protect a few people, how will I save the people I love?!

Tanjirou made it through the seven days, and was hopeful to see more people this time than before. He felt his heart drop when he noticed the numbers didn’t change.

I couldn’t even keep a few people alive! How am I…. how am I… going to win? 

Tanjirou tried to push away those thoughts, and instead focused on what the Ubuyashiki children had to say. Tanjirou found the familiar sights of Zenitsu, Genya, and Kanao, but he wondered where Inosuke was? He never saw him during the seven days… strange.

Tanjirou made his way towards Zenitsu, it might have seemed a bit strange, but Tanjirou just felt comfortable near the whiny blonde. This time, Tanjirou did something he didn’t do the first time.

He put his hand on Zenitsu’s shoulder, effectively stopping the blondes chant of how he was going to die. The said blonde looked over to Tanjirou with glassy, butter-brown eyes. Tanjirou noticed the slight smell of confusion. 

But Tanjirou’s garnet red eyes stared softly into the blonde’s eyes. “You’re not going to die.” Tanjirou said, while giving Zenitsu a small squeeze on his shoulder and a soft smile.

Zenitsu didn’t say anything, or even blink, for a long moment. He just stared into the burgundy haired boy’s eyes. Zenitsu could hear the boy’s sounds and heard nothing but compassion and comfort, and truth coming from him. 

Tanjirou felt like he had been holding on too long and quickly let go apologizing for the sudden touch. Zenitsu just looked away and muttered a quiet “it’s okay.”

During their little “moment,” Tanjirou didn’t notice Genya stomping up to the girls up front, demanding for the nichirin blade. Tanjirou had forgotten about it, and promptly grabbed Genya’s arm. “Gen-Good sir! Please let go of this girl's hair!” Tanjirou caught his slip up of almost calling Genya by name.

But despite asking Genya to let go, like last time, Tanjirou still ended up having to severely squeeze Genya’s arm to make him let go.

Genya grumbled some words under his breath, but walking away nonetheless.

Tanjirou felt a tinge bad about hurting his arm, but knew it would be fine later. 

Tanjirou and the others grabbed their ores and uniforms, making their way along their own separate paths.

Tanjirou made his way home, his new home. To where he knew where Nezuko and Urokodaki waited for him with open arms.

So with legs heavy and tired, he made it back to the house. He saw Nezuko kick the door open and run towards her. And it was then that he realized how much he had practically been neglecting his sister. Sure, she was in a coma, but he still didn’t pay as much attention to her as he could have.

He was caught up in his drive to get stronger and better, and subconsciously put the knowledge of when she woke up to the back of his mind. 

When she came and embraced him in a warm and tight hug, he felt his eyes sting again. He hurried his head into her shoulder and climbed tightly. He felt bad for neglecting her, and practically forgetting about her. He just… knew he didn’t have to be scared about her being safe. 

Tanjirou cried a bit more quietly this time, a slight sniffle here and there. He felt another pair of arms wrap around him as well. Tanjirou just cried again, his emotions mixing into each other, and he kind of forgot why he was crying.

Was he crying because Nezuko was awake? Was he crying because he felt bad for neglecting his sister? Because Nezuko and Urokodaki gave Tanjirou such a warm embrace that his worries from last night surfaced again?

He ended up giving up on explaining why. He just enjoyed their embrace. He promised to protect these people. He would never hurt his sister again, he wouldn’t let Muzan hurt her again.

And so the three went back to the house and waited for Tanjirou’s sword. He remembered the stubbornness of Haganezuka, and realized he missed the stubborn sword maker.

When Haganezuka arrived, the events went as last time. Tanjirou got his sword, and watched as it turned black. He didn’t comment on it being black, despite Haganezuka’s outburst. Tanjirou’s crow eventually flew in to announce his first mission. 

Tanjirou remembered the swamp demons. He thought if only he had gotten his sword a little sooner, probably could have gotten to the town sooner! He could have saved more girls and saved people the pain of losing a loved one! 

After Urokodaki gave Tanjirou the box for Nezuko, Tanjirou left in a hurry to get to the North East town. 

I will get stronger,

He thought

I will win against the demons, I will protect innocent people. I will be strong enough to protect them! I must be!

Chapter Text

Tanjirou had just made the finishing slice to the swamp demon’s head. He was glad that he had killed the demon, but he still felt… off. He felt like he should be somewhere else, doing something else. 

Tanjirou went over to Nezuko to find her sleeping. He knew he didn’t have to be worried about her, that she would be fine. She would live and become a human again. But a part of Tanjirou hated himself for thinking this way. He should be doting over her, worried for her despite knowing how this all will end.

Tanjirou went over to Kazumi, making sure he was at least okay. He knew what his answer would be.

 “ Do you think I’m okay?! I’ve lost my betrothed!” 

Once Tanjirou finished talking with Kazumi, he gave him a bittersweet smile, turned to get his new mission, and headed for Asakusa.

On his way there, Tanjirou had a lot of time to think to himself. He was trying to sort out what he was trying to do. He knew he had a mission in Asakusa, but beyond that? What was he supposed to do? He knew what would happen, but could he change it? He didn’t feel like he could, after all, his time back here felt the same as it did last time.

Tanjirou’s face scrunched in concentration, deep in his thoughts. 

Could I talk to the pillars? No, probably not, they don’t know who I am yet. Ubuyashiki, maybe? I don’t know… this whole situation is difficult. I can’t exactly give him a crow saying “hey I died in the future and then came back, let me tell you about what happened!”

Tanjirou’s face began to scowl deeper, hands tightening into fists. 

But Asakusa… that’s where Muzan is. Can I kill him now? Despite the people there… despite the child in his arms? If I killed him that child would forever be scarred, and I would probably be caught by police… GAH! Is there anything I can do!

Tanjirou stopped in his tracks.

Could he actually do anything? Can he really change what is to happen? Can he win?

Tanjirou’s eyes started to blur with oncoming tears.

I...I can’t do anything… I can’t kill Muzan in Asakusa… or maybe I should? But there’s the problem of the police, civilians… and the child. I can’t do anything… I really can’t. Are things really meant to be played out as they were?

The tears on Tanjirou’s face started to fall.

If that’s how it was meant to be… why… Did I come back? If I can’t do anything why am I here! Why am I here if I’m so… so! USELESS!

Tanjirou was too focused on his thoughts to notice Nezuko come out of the box. When she saw Tanjirou crying she let out a surprised “mmph!” And immediately pulled him into an embrace. This in turn made Tanjirou cry a little harder.

Tanjirou didn’t want to cry, he had things to do, but he couldn’t stop. He felt it was pointless, that he couldn’t do anything . And at that moment, those emotions and thoughts he had been trying to push away for months all crashed in at once.

He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know if time could change, he didn’t have his friends with him, he didn’t have everything he worked for from the past. He felt so lost.

Nezuko had no clue as to why he was crying, but cuddled him anyway. She just held him, stroking his hair, as he cried into her embrace. Tanjirou subconsciously tightened his grip around Nezuko, nuzzling into her warmth. Eventually, Tanjirou calmed enough to talk.

“I-i’m okay Nezu-uko…” Nezuko stared at him withworry. He was most definitely not okay. She gave a little humm to voice her concern. “Really! I’m okay! I just got… overwhelmed…” Nezuko continued to stare at Tanjirou, not really believing his words. But she nodded in understanding, letting go of her brother.

Tanjirou got Nezuko back into the box, saying a small “thank you” before continuing on his way to Asakusa, where he met Kibutsuji Muzan for the first time.

Tanjirou had made it to Asakusa in the next few days, and he was on edge. He felt so antsy about what to do, and how things would play out.

Tanjirou ended up going back to the udon stand so he could leave Nezuko there while he looked for Muzan. 

He had decided to try and kill Muzan here and now.

But can I actually do it? Am I really strong enough? 

Tanjirou tried to push the thought out as he walked towards the street, waiting to catch the scent of Muzan.

You're too weak for this.

Tanjirou faltered in his next step, shocked at the thought he had. No, he had to push those thoughts away for now. He had a job to do.

You couldn’t even kill him when you had trained for years, what makes you think you can do it now?

Tanjirou ignored his thoughts… but he knew they were truthful. He didn’t kill Muzan before, and he had his friends, the pillars, everyone in the demon corpse… hell, even some demons!

But you still lost

NO! I did the best I could… right? Besides, I don’t have time to think about the past, I’ve got to worry about Muzan!

Tanjirou walked to the edge of the sidewalk, looking out into the street. He sniffed a few times, looking for Muzan’s. 

He picked up the scent of lemon with an undertone of blood. He was here. And it was now or never. He could do it now, and end it all.

So, Tanjirou made his way into the crowd, following the scent, until he made it to just a few feet away from Muzan.

There was a loud badump-badump going through Tanjirou’s ears, and he was sweating just a bit more than normal. 

Tanjirou was scared . He didn’t know what would happen, and how this would turn out. But he decided to take a deep breath and stepped forward. 

Tanjirou remembered what Muzan did to him. It’s kind of shed to forget someone taking over your body, and killing your friends in front of you- no, with you.

He took a deep breath and reached his hand forward. It felt like eternity until his hand landed on Muzan’s shoulder.

Tanjirou managed to keep a semi-straight face as Muzan turned to look at him. Reaching for his sword, he faltered. He saw the child in his arms. The little girl who probably thought that Muzan was this sweet father. And Tanjirou hesitates. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. 

Muzan glared down at Tanjirou, he could see the masked look of hatred in the boy’s eyes. He also noticed the sword at said boy’s hip.

I failed, he’s going to get that man again.

And surely, Muzan did turn that random man into a demon, allowing himself to escape. Tanjirou threw himself at the man before he could do anything too deep to the woman.

Both struggled and thrashed, and Tanjirou prayed that Tamayo would get here. 

The police arrived, and soon after, so did Tamayo. Tanjirou let out a small sigh, soon following Tamayo and Yushiro. 

But one thought kept echoing in the back of Tanjirou’s mind

You are weak.

Chapter Text

On their way over to the hidden house, Tanjirou was on edge this whole time. He remembered 

what happened while at the Tamayo residence. 

Tanjirou was stuck in his head again wondering what he should do about the demons. Should he tell Tamayo and Yashiro about them beforehand? Maybe he should wait outside for them… should he follow what he did last time? 

GAH! THIS IS CONFUSING! 

Tanjirou’s face scrunched again. 

Tamayo shot a subtle glance towards Tanjirou, noticing his expression. The Kamado boy was too ensnared in his thoughts to notice, though.

They eventually ended up at the invisible house, and Tanjirou decided to stay quiet about the demons for the moment. The four of them followed the routine from the last run, but Tanjirou was practically shaking from anticipation. 

He couldn’t hold it anymore. 

He had to tell them.

Besides, he needed Yashiro’s sight.

So without thinking of the possible consequences, Tanjirou bursted out “MRS. TAMAYO!”

Said lady, slightly startled, darted her attention towards the brunette-haired boy. She patiently waited for him to continue. Yashiro, on the other hand, looked at the boy with a mixture of disgust, confusion, and anger. 

Tanjirou felt a slight heat rise to his face at his sudden outburst, and realized he could have called for the Demon Doctor’s attention more gently.

Tanjirou continued anyway, his arms stoic on his lap as he stared intently at Tamayo.

“Mrs. Tamayo… I-I need… to tell you something… and I don’t know how much longer I have, but I need you to trust me…”

Tanjirou started, keeping, as best he could, eye contact with the calm Doctor. 

She simply nodded for him to continue, much to the dislike of Yashiro besides her, who gave a sound of displeasure but did not interrupt.

“... there are two demons who are going to arrive here. They were able to find the house, despite the barrier, and are going to attack us. I need your guy’s help…. well, I need Yashiro’s help.”

Tanjirou kept firm, not glancing away from Tamayo, but seeing slight shock appear on Yashiro’s face, that slowly turned into anger.

“Why you! You lured demons here, didn’t you?! And you have the audacity to ask for my help!”

Yashiro howled at Tanjirou. Tamayo simply raised her hand to get the boy to calm down. Yashiro did so begrudgingly, letting Tamayo take over. 

She simply stared at Tanjirou, as if trying to peer into his soul, and for a moment his stoic face faltered into uncertainty.

Eventually, Tamayo gave a nod. Yashiro let out a small “tch,” and turned away from Tanjirou.

Tanjirou felt a weight of one burden lift off of his chest, and he felt utterly relieved. But he couldn’t relax yet, he still had to deal with the demons.

So Tanjirou talked about what the demon’s abilities were, and what help he needed. Yashiro complied with giving his sight to the demon slayer.

Tanjirou got the two to leave before the others arrived. He felt he could take care of the demons now. He could. He was strong enough.

So Tanjirou stood in the room, waiting for the little jingle jingle of the balls to appear.

It felt like hours before he got any sign of the demons, but eventually they arrived. 

Tanjirou was ready.

The burts of the wall was sudden, but Tanjirou let the wall break before he could counter attack. Since he could see the arrows, he was able to dodge much easier, and save himself some injury. 

In the midst of battle, Tanjirou was beginning to get ahead of himself. He was getting restless. He just wanted to battle to be over with already.

And the battle did end, a lot faster than last time. Despite his efforts to fight faster, the Kamado boy still felt as he did last time. Banged up, bruised, and probably some broken bones here and there.

Gah! I even had the advantage of knowing they were coming!

But the boy pushed the thoughts away, he had to get back to the others.

The interactions felt the same as before, Nezuko hugged and patted the two demons, and Tamayo offered to take care of the Demon girl. 

Honestly, Tanjirou felt like he was wasting time. He just didn’t know what for. 

So, Tanjirou left the Tamayo residence. He wouldn’t say he felt accomplished… he didn’t know how he felt. He just wanted to push forward, and kill Muzan. 

              ——————————————-

Tanjirou had a sudden flash of remembrance again, this time about what happened after the Tamayo house.

That’s right.

Zenitsu. 

The thought of seeing the blonde-haired crybaby brought a warmth to his chest, and a strange longing. 

I can finally see Zenitsu… after 2 years… I-I can fi-inally… I really want to see him…. I’ve missed him so much… and Inosuke… God I’ve missed them!

Tanjirou started worrying his lip through teeth, trying to keep his emotions hidden, but he could feel the tears at his water line, threatening to spill over. 

It’s been 2 years… 2 years.

And his two closest friends, who he seriously considered his family, wouldn’t recognize him.

The thought almost broke Tanjirou.

He didn’t know how he would handle this. He missed the two so much and he has the opportunity to see them again after the battle. 

He knew he should count himself lucky to have this opportunity. This chance to see some of the dearest people he killed, again.

Tanjirou desperately tried to force his thoughts away. 

The crow came flying by telling Tanjirou to head to his next mission, and the said boy was more nervous than ever. His stomach felt like it was being twisted into knots, over and over.

He had no choice but to take one foot and move it Infront of the other.

Soon enough, the boy and the crow heard the familiar cries  of a certain lighting-breath user.

Tanjirou froze. He didn’t know if he could do this… could he honestly face Zenitsu? Could he face Inosuke? After what he did?

After how he… 

Tanjirou breathed an uneasy breath and continued on. Despite his regrets, he wanted nothing more than to see the blonde and the wild boar.

Chuntaro came flying toward Tanjirou, and was accepted gladly onto the palm of the Kamodo boy.

After being told about the bird's strange predicament, Tanjirou sprinted towards the blonde.

Hearing the familiar whines and cries of the thunder breath user, Tanjirou dashed up to the blonde desperately clinging onto the girl.

With a grab at the yellow hoari, the blonde was yanked back from the girl and left dangling in the hand of Tanjirou.

In a moment of shock, the blonde stopped wailing, trying to figure out what happened. He looked over his shoulder to see a scornful Tanjirou, although Tanjirou was a little less angry than the last time.

Without really giving his next sentence a thought, Tanjirou started to lecture the blonde on his antics. “Zenitsu! I thought you would have changed by now! It is rude to ask for a person’s marriage so forcefully!”

Tanjirou just kind of went on, not noticing his slip of the tongue. The blonde stopped crying, only giving slight hiccups and sniffles, as he stared at the brunette.

When Tanjirou finally finished his lecture, the girl had already made her escape. Zenitsu’s was still left dangling in the hand of Tanjirou, said blonde boy just staring at the brunette.

The ranting was over, and there was a moment of silence between the two. Tanjirou began to blush when he realized how off on a tangent he went. He let go of Zenitsu, taking care not to drop him harshly.

They both sat for a second in silence until the blonde decided to break it. He honestly had quite a few questions floating in his head & didn't know what to start with. There was a slight “uhhhh” that came from Zenitsu, before Tanjirou burst out.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! That was kind of rude of me, but my name is Tanjirou Kamado!” The introduction was said quite forcefully & loud, making the blonde startle back a little. 

“Uhhh… no… I-it’s okay…” they blonde started, a lot softer compared to Tanjirou’s introduction. “My name is Zenitsu.” He said, looking down to the ground & deciding to not mention how Tanjirou already seemed to know his name. 

They didn’t have to sit in silence after the introduction, due to the crow gawking about getting a move on to their next assignment.

The blonde, startled at the crow, began to whine about the crow talking and “why doesn’t he have a crow,” and so on. Tanjirou just smiled and dragged Zenitsu along with him, following the directions from the crow. Tanjirou was given a moment of happiness; to be with one of his dearest friends after so long. He felt as comfortable with the blonde as he used to, the smell of rain and electricity with a hint of peaches. Like a peaceful peach orchard on a rainy day. 

Zenitsu smelt comforting and calm. As weird as it may sound, Tanjirou was so glad to be able to smell that rainy-orchard smell. 

But Tanjirou didn’t have too much time to dwell on it. They had a mission to get to.

Right. To the demon house.

So with a whining blonde in trail, Tanjirou started towards the next destination. 

Chapter Text

Hi guys! To all of you out there that read this, I’m just letting you know I HAVE NOT abandoned this work, I have just been busy, but soon I will have a lot more time on my hands and will do my best to write more when I get there. Thank you all for all your comments, appreciation, help, and ideas. Love y’all!

Have a great day

- Kat

Chapter Text

Tanjirou had toyed with the idea of taking Nezuko with him, so as to save unnecessary pain to Zenitsu. 

The children would abandon the box anyway, but I don’t want to mess with things too much… maybe it’s best to just go with how I did it the first time…

So Tanjirou left the box with the children knowing what was to come. 

Maybe I can keep the girl closer to Zenitsu so that she doesn’t see the demon… Zenitsu can handle the two kids. I’ll get the demon

So that’s what happened. Tanjirou did his best to comfort Zenitsu during the beginning, to see if he could possibly calm him down at least a little bit. 

When the time came to be separated, Tanjirou placed himself closer to Zenitsu and prepared to lush the girl away as soon as he was pushed. 

Luckily, it was successful. Tanjirou had been separated by himself, leaving the Whinny Blonde with the other two children. 

Keeping in mind about the drums connection to the rooms, Tanjirou unsheathed his blade and prepared to fight. He could get this done sooner than last time. 

                ————————————

The battle of this demon went more smoothly than the first run. Tanjirou had defeated the Drum Demon, Zenitsu got out safely with the other two kids, and Inosuke…. well he did what he did last time. Zenitsu still held true in protecting the box again. 

A part of Tanjirou’s heart grew in more admiration, if that was been possible, for the Blonde boy. 

He may be whiny and a crybaby, but he was still dependable. He was trustworthy and reliable. Just as much as Inosuke is, but that will have to wait until later. 

And just like that, the heart of the Kamado boy sunk. 

Neither of them actually remember me. Sure they’re Zenitsu and Inosuke… but they’re not the same ones I’ve spent all that time with… the ones I’ve grown to know and love…

With a shake of his head, Tanjirou dispersed the thoughts. He still had to disband the fight between Inosuke and Zenitsu. He couldn’t let his heart get in the way of what he needed to do. 

Tanjirou ran straight up to Inosuke and grabbed his shoulders. With one fell strike, the skulls of the two boys collided, causing the mask of Inosuke to fall off. 

With a moment of confusion and stun-ness on Inosuke behalf, the brawl between the three was over. Inosuke would pass out soon due to his head.

A cry of shock came from Zenitsu as he coward behind one of the kids, going on about Inosukes beautiful face being on such a rugged person. 

A smile couldn’t help but be formed on Tanjirou’s lips at the familiar and oddly warm sight of it all. The bickering between Zenitsu and Inosuke that constatny happened was ingrained into Tanjirou’s mind. It made him feel saudade. 

Not too long after the bickering between the two started, Inosuke feel to the ground; unconscious. 

While Tonjirou went to put his cover under Inosuke’s head, there was a strong whiff of earth and perspiration. The smell of Inosuke. At the moment, due to the Boar being unconscious, there wasn’t much of anything else Tanjirou could pick up coming from Inosuke. 

For a minor second - so as not to be suspicious or weird - Tanjirou simply relished in the familiar scent of the boar. It had also been a really long time since he smelt it. More than a few months… right? 

Gah! I can’t let my tears slip past! It would be difficult to explain why I’m crying… but…. it’s just been so long…

Without warning, a brief flash of the final battle came into his mind. 

The bloodied bodies devoid of life. The blood Tanjirou had spilled. The life of all his closest people in his life after his family's tragic death. 

The life Tanjirou had taken. The life of his dearest and closest people. 

The flash was gone as soon as it had came, but the damage was still done. 

With shaking hands, Tanjirou quickly got up. He couldnt look at Inosuke at the moment. It reminded him too much of… 

The others were a little startled at how quickly Tanjirou had moved, but didn’t say anything. They started to get to work burying the people after Tanjirou put up a smile and suggested they do so. 

But the sensitive ears of Zenitsu picked up something else beneath the brunette’s smile. He heard the pattern of a heart full of remorse, dejection, and guilt. 

The blonde stayed silent, unsure of what to say. He could hear how bad the Kamado boy was feeling but stayed quiet in fear of worsening anything. 

A part of Zenitsu heard the sound get louder and stronger, almost overbearing at points, when Tanjirou looked at either him or Inosuke. But for the life of him he had no idea why. 

Chapter Text

The three boys had finished up with the burial and parted ways with the children. They had made it to the Wisteria estate. 

The crow gave the message about resting until fully healed. Tanjirou knew his injuries were less severe this time, but Inosuke and Zenitsu still had some injuries. 

It would be kinda nice to relax… I suppose I have no choice… the crow wouldn’t give me another mission until fully healed, so I’ll have to stay. But it will be nice to enjoy the company of these two a little more.

Tanjirou’s face showed a benevolent expression at the thought of spending time with the two. Said other two slightly looked at the Brunnette in slight confusion. 

Zenitsu had heard the sound of affection and happiness above the depressing noises in Tanjirou’s heart. But Zenitsu still had no idea why he kept hearing those sounds. Maybe it’s about what’s in the box…? The Blonde did not spend too much more time on it, figuring it best to not overthink it. 

Inosuke had simply sensed the tenderness and appreciation due to his beast senses. He, too, had no actual idea as to why the Komponjuro felt this way. He stalked it up to the brunnette feeling grateful to be in the Mighty Inosuke’s presence. 

The boar wasn’t too far off.

         ————————————————

The three were invited into the home, shown the food and beds, as well as the doctor. All of them had broken ribs still, but at least this time Tanjirou got it down to only 2 ribs. 

The three cleaned up and dressed, heading to go eat. It went about the same as it did before. The bickering between Zenitsu and Inosuke about the way one eats, or about the fight earlier before, all of those things. 

Tanjirou mostly sat and watched the two with a smile on his face as he enjoyed the meal and the presence of the two before him. He really did miss this…

No I can’t think about that now. 

Zenitsu eventually asked about the deal with Tanjirou’s box, and Tanjirou answered directly that there is a demon in his box. Even adding on the part about how amazing, gentle, kind, and strong Zenitsu is. 

“I think you’re an amazing person! Even though you knew a demon was in my box, you protected it whole-heartedly. You really are so kind, gentle, and strong.”

When the Blonde heard that, he had to stop for a second and think, before shooting down Tanjirou’s praise. 

“B-but it’s true! You should know I’m speaking the truth because of your ears.” Was what Tanjirou responded with. For a second he thought he screwed up by talking about Zenitsu’s sensitive hearing, but said boy simply stared at him for a second. 

“You…. know about my hearing?” Zenitsu tentatively asked. 

“Uh yeah! You mentioned it earlier right? You could heard something I didn’t that was in the house!” With arms moving around frantically to get his point across, Tanjirou tried to make a reason for his knowledge on the Blonde’s hearing. 

Luckily, the Blonde accepted that reason, but Tanjirou could still smell a slight hint of curiosity and maybe even suspicion. But the Kamado boy accepted that it was simply natural for Zenitsu to feel that way. 

Through the whole ordeal, Inosuke stayed silent, laying in bed thinking about how to get Tanjirou to be a little riled up. 

The silence only lasted for a little bit, when Nezuko opened the box to come out, and Zenitsu in return started to freak out about the demon. Tanjirou couldn’t help but find it a little funny how Zenitsu may find Nezuko terrifying now, but will soon come to deeply like her. 

Of course, after Zenitsu saw Nezuko, his outburst shortly followed. Tanjirou, this time, couldn’t help but let out a laugh, shortly falling into a fit of giggles. This only seemed to spur of Zenitsu’s outburst. 

The night, and loud noise, seemed to last for hours. Tanjirou couldn’t seem to be out in a bad mood though, he was simply enjoying this moment. 

He had the comfort of Zenitsu and Nezuko’s company, as well as Inosuke peacefully sleeping in the background. He felt he couldn’t be happier. 

          ———————————————-

On one night of the three’s recovery, Tanjirou had started having a streak of bad nights. 

Being so close and often surrounded by the people Tanjirou cherished the most in this cruel world of the living, there were multiple times where Tanjirou’s brain taunted him. 

Sometimes the image of one of the three laying dead, because of him, would appear in his mind, and he would quickly have to look away to distract himself from the image. 

Sometimes the guilt appeared out of nowhere and hit him hard. His thoughts would rush about how he had given in to Muzan and killed his friends and family. 

Without his body and mind being distracted by training and missions, Tanjirou’s mind was able to bring up the thoughts he would much rather forget and never see again. 

The Kamado boy thought he was doing better, and the thoughts less frequent, until one night in recovery. 

It was a nightmare. A never ending loop of his guilt. His body being controlled against his will, slashing and ripping and slaughtering everyone. He was stuck in a loop of seeing his friends die over and over and over by his hands. But he couldn’t look away. 

He wasn’t in control. 

He wanted it to stop, he wanted to scream. He felt and acted exactly as he did when the incident happened. He felt helpless. Weak. 

In the back of Tanjirou’s mind was a voice. Whispering and encouraging his dark feelings. He is a failure. He is weak. He doesn’t deserve his friends. 

Why would anyone want to be friends with their murderer. 

Tanjirou’s body thrashed about a little, intensity increasing more and more each time his nightmare looped. 

Tanjirou would watch as he killed his friends, gained a single ounce of his own will, and finally killed himself. That was how his nightmare loop went. 

Tanjirou’s body in the real world started to move more and more, his thoughts and nightmare invading his actual movements. 

Tanjirou lunged for his sword, unaware of being actually awake and free from his nightmare, and performed the Hinokami Kagura on himself, slicing his head off, leaving it to tumble to the ground. Killing Tanjirou. 

             —————————————

The two boys that were sleeping next to Tanjirou darted up not far afterwards. All they saw was a quick flash of a person and the sound of flames as the Kamado’s boy was drawn. 

There was a minor state of confusion until panko struck in, but it was too late. 

The sword Tanjirou had been holding had already sliced through. 

Inosuke and Zenitsu sat in stunned silence for a second, until both lunged at the falling body of Tanjirou. 

Blood was spilling from the wound but both boys continued to make their way to the body, despite knowing what little it will actually do. They just couldn’t believe it. Why would Tanjirou kill himself like that?

Zenitsu knew the boy was struggling with something, but he didn’t think to ask! He never thought the boy would go as far as to… slice his own head off…

He only had a split moment to feel any amount of guilt.

Nezuko began to poke her head out of her box to see what all the ruckus was. She barely had time to process what she was seeing and hearing before she was dashing over to the body of her brother. 

She didn’t know exactly what was going on, but she knew her brother was dead. She just couldn’t understand why . 

She started to cry, the tears overflowing her vision. Cradling the bleeding and lifeless body of her brother.

The two boys were shouting and crying out for what happened and what to do - for help, for this to be a dream, for anything - but nothing was happening. The boy wouldn’t come back to life. 

During the shouting, confusion, and crying, one by one they all lost their energy; shortly afterwards, their consciousness. 

Chapter Text

With a startle, Zenitsu wakes up. But it’s strange… he can’t exactly remember the last thing he was doing… oh! He remembered that he has just finished training with Gramps.

Looking down, Zenitsu noticed that he was up in one of the trees. He must have taken a nap and decided to hide up here. It’s more peaceful that way. 

But it’s still strange… there’s a part of Zenitsu that feels like he’s forgetting something… that he was somewhere else. Maybe it was just his dream?

The blonde pushes the thought away, rationalizing that if he can’t remember it wasn’t important. 

With a soft hop off of the limb, Zenitsu was back on the ground floor. 

He decided it was time to head back to the house. The sun was setting, and dinner should be ready soon. 

              ——————————————-

During dinner, Zenitsu kept getting that strange feeling that he was forgetting something. While munching on a mouthful of rice, Zenitsu hadn’t noticed his name being called by Kaigaku. 

The older boy got annoyed quickly at the lack of response, and ended up smashing his fist in front of the spot on the table Zenitsu was zoning out on. It was enough to startle said blonde out of his daze; at the expense of choking on the rice in his mouth. 

After a coughing fit, Zenitsu responded with a minorly annoyed “what?” At his senior. The aforementioned boy gave out a slight grunt in his own annoyance before continuing to ask about if Zenitsu had managed to learn any other forms of Thunder Breathing. 

Reluctantly, Zenitsu looked to the side and gave a small “no” as his answer. During that moment, Zenitsu had noticed that Gramps wasn’t at the table with them; he must have left earlier without Zenitsu noticing. 

Giving his attention back to the Black haired boy, Kaigaku gave a quick laugh to further antagonize the blonde. 

“HA! And you plan to become a Demon Slayer? You won’t last five seconds in front of a demon. Even with being directly trained under Kuwajima, you still have barely learned anything! You’re so weak, it’s pathetic!” Were the words that came out of Kaigakus mouth. Zenitsu sat there and listened, but a part of him decided he would not stand for Kaigaku’s slander right now. 

Without really thinking much about it, Zenitsu blurted out “That’s not true! Tanjirou believes in my strength!” For a moment, Zenitsu’s brows stayed furrowed in frustration before slowly morphing into confusion once he processed what he said. 

He didn’t know anyone named Tanjirou… but then why did the name bring a sort of comfort? He would know someone named Tanjirou, especially if just thinking the name brought a warmth and happiness to his heart… but for the life of him he couldn’t remember who it was. 

Kaigaku was silent for a few moments in shock that Zenitsu actually spoke back against him for once. But that shock quickly turned back into anger once he realized what Zenitsu had said. 

“So you have a little friend of yours who supports you? Bah! Don’t make me laugh! Who would think you are strong. You’re just dirt.” 

Zenitsu was too confused to really reply to what Kaigaku had said, so he opted to stay quiet. 

The Black haired boy got up with a huff, leaving Zenitsu in the room by himself to think on what had happened. He was less focused on Kaigaku’s words and more on the mysterious name he had said. And more importantly on what the mysterious name had said about him. 

Maybe he was just making someone up… 

A part of Zenitsu knew that was a lie. A piece of him felt it that there was something missing; something he didn’t know. But it would have to remain a mystery for now. 

           ——————————————- 

The frigid snow kept pulling around Tanjirou and Nezuko’s bodies. The Kamado kids had yet to stir from their spots; Giyuu watching over and waiting for them to awaken. 

It’s so cold. Again. But it shouldn’t be cold. I was… at the Wisteria Estate, right? What happened? 

The eyelids of Tanjirou gently opened, revealing his Garnet colored eyes. He did not get up yet, but instead sat for a little more thinking of what had happened. 

Utter embarrassment and shame flooded through the boy, leaving a red flush to climb up his neck and faces. 

He couldn’t believe it. He had killed himself. How does one just do that? On accident?!

With a heavy heart, Tanjirou got up from his cold place on the ground. He said nothing, reaching for Nezuko. He then remembered Giyuu, seeing him out of the corner of his eye. 

Neither said anything for a moment until Giyuu spoke up to tell Tanjirou about Urokodaki. Tanjirou simply nodded his head and gave a sound of understanding. He didn’t have the energy to say much more. What could he say? Ask Giyuu for help? For what? There was nothing Giyuu could do at the moment, and no way that Giyuu trusted him enough yet. 

They would simply have to go their separate ways for now. 

Once Giyuu left, Tanjirou took Nezuko on his back again, and headed for the mountain Urokodaki would be at. 

Determined to push his body and spirit past his max this time around, Tanjirou set on taking this “reset” to hone and refine his skill even more. 

He would not let anyone die this time. And he wouldn’t let Muzan take control of his body. Never again. 

Chapter Text

It’s been a few months already at Urokodaki’s place, as well as training in the mountains. 

Tanjirou had found himself bettering and understanding the teachings faster this time around, and found that he had remembered all of the water movements and was now just a matter of re-training his body to work on top condition. 

While training to perfect all of his movements, there was the idea in the back of his head about practicing Hinokami Kagura while he could. 

The boy kept pushing the practice for the particular fire dancing to the side, instead convincing himself to practice and perfect the water movements. He still had a year and some to go until the trial. 

But… it was strange this time around. 

Tanjirou felt off. In a way of putting it. 

He just felt less himself. Less able to be happy. 

More… empty. 

This thought was also pushed far away, for Tanjirou did not like dwelling on the idea. 

For the past few months that Tanjirou had been with Urokodaki, he has been focusing on the training and paid no mind to his feelings or ideas; simply his training. 

Urokodaki, on the other hand, had noticed how quickly the Kamado boy had picked up on the water techniques; he was even able to skip some parts of the training because of it.  

The older man had no clue as to how this young boy would be able to know and learn a breathing technique so quickly, but he was able to. 

He brushed it off as being a quick learner. 

————————————————————

Inosuke had woken up with the sunlight shining on his eyes through some tree leaves. He had fallen asleep on the ground while resting. 

He sat up, a bit disoriented. He felt groggy from waking up, but this time he felt a little sick. 

Inosuke couldn’t understand exactly why he felt this and after waking up, he knew he hadn't eaten any bad berries or meat recently. 

But Inosuke felt alone. Actually alone. 

He hadn’t felt this way in a long time, so he couldn’t exactly reason as to why he was feeling that way now. 

It was like there were a few people by his side that were missing. But Inosuke didn’t know anyone, really. He was often alone in the forest. The only people he really knew was that old couple. 

Sure, he appreciated them, but they just didn’t… fit the feeling Inosuke was getting. 

But all this thinking was hurting his brain, so he decided to stop. 

They can’t have been THAT important if the Great Inosuke couldn’t even remember their faces!

So jumping up and starting with a run, Inosuke made his way to wherever he felt like going. 

——————————————————-

Tanjirou had managed to perfect his water breathing technique, shortening the training with Urokodaki. Tanjirou knew what he would have to do next, break the rock. He was prepared for it, but had something else he would like to do. 

After Urokodaki and Sabito left, Tanjirou had decided he would start practicing the Hinokami Kagura. It would also give Tanjirou a way to keep his thoughts and feelings at bay. By drowning in more training. 

So the boy got to work, remembering and practicing all the moves he saw from his dad and otherwise remembered. 

For a few more months, the Kamado boy had continued practicing and bettering his breathing, not forgetting to practice water breathing as well;it would be handy to know two different breathing styles. 

So once the two years had come to a close and Tanjirou sliced the rock, defeated the trial (with two breathing styles under his belt), and got his sword: Tanjirou had continued forward in what he had to do. 

He had been so busy for the past two years, and had almost gotten used to Nezuko not really being there, that is was still a shock when he got back to Urokodaki (this time even less unscathed and no broken bones). 

The timeline continued similar to how the other times have. Tanjirou made it to the city and out of the mess with the two Muzan demons with no broken bones, but still rather beat up. 

With how comfortable and confident Tanjirou was with his breathing techniques, he still didn’t know why he didn’t just go for Muzan in the city, but pushed the idea away before it bubbles up more unwanted thoughts. 

The demon house came, and Tanjirou met up with Zenitsu and Inosuke, again feeling overwhelming emotions when he saw them: wanting to burst out with anything and everything, but knew he had to hold himself back. 

All three got through the demon house rather neatly and very few injuries. The three (plus nezuko) made record time in and out of the wisteria mansion (without killing himself this time), leading off to their next assignment. 

Natagumo Mountain. 

Tanjirou had to stop for a second. 

He couldn’t really believe it. He has finally made it to further ahead. It had been almost 4 years since he’s been able to move further on the “timeline.”

There’s really no better way to describe it, but still. It was amazing, in a sense. 

Tanjirou felt a slight tear run down his cheek from his emotions boiling over, but Tanjirou quickly caught himself and pulled it all together. 

Now was not the time. 

He would worry about himself later. Right now he needed to continue forward and fight and save the others. 

Get stronger. 

The tickle of dark whispers graced Tanjirou’s thoughts, but he quickly pushed it away 

Focus, I need to focus

Thought Tanjirou as the four children ventured towards the mountains. Things were about to get more serious, but Tanjirou still had an idea of what happened in these mountains. 

How could he forget Rui and his spider family? 

He just hoped he could protect more people this time. 

He had to. 

It’s up to me to save more people. I know what happens… maybe I can use that to my advantage?

All I know is that there are so many people that could be saved. 

I have to save them. 

Chapter Text

If Tanjirou was being honest, a lot of the events that happened the “first time” around have gotten a little muddy. It has been a while, technically, sense any of this has happened. 

The feeling of slight uneasy-ness was brought upon Tanjirou the more he thought about it. 

Do I even remember enough to actually help anyone? There are so many people already at the mountain… I won’t be able to save them all but I might be able to help more. I do actually know how to do the Sun Breathing now, so Rui might be easier to take down…

Thinking about the events that happened in the Mountains and how Tanjirou could make the events smoother, the background noise of Zenitsu and Inosuke was drowned out. 

While heading towards the mountain, Zenitsu slowly started creeping further and further behind Tanjirou, until he was practically clinging to the left shoulder of the Kamado boy. 

Tanjirou had noticed a slight ruffle of his covering, realizing Zenitsu was holding onto it. It brought an odd comfort and smile to his face. He missed these small things with his friends. 

Zenitsu looked up to Tanjirou’s face giving a quizzical look to the Brunette. Tanjirou simply smiled and looked back forward to where he was walking, unaware of the loving and appreciative pitter-patter his heart was giving off. 

The blonde brushed off the sound, denying that he had anything to do with it and continued to follow Tanjirou. But the blondes smile and subtle smell of happiness at not being shoved off didn’t escape Tanjirou. 

Inosuke suddenly turned back at the two of them, causing the blonde to let out a little shriek. 

“GAH! If you two don’t stop being soft and… whatever you’re doing to each other, I’ll beat you up myself!” Shouted the boar. 

“Wuh?! WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING WEIRD! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” The, now cowering, blonde responded. 

“I COULD FEEL YOU TWO BEING ALL HAPPY AND SOFT AND… CUDDLY WITH EACH OTHER!” Replied Inosuke. 

Their bickering went back and forth for a little bit until Tanjirou let out a little giggle. This caused the other two to stop abruptly and stare at the giggling Tanjirou. 

The other two started shouting at Tanjirou at “what is so funny about this!” And “why are you laughing!” Or “you should be defending me!” And so on. 

Eventually the three of them calmed down, and Inosuke gave a snort while Zenitsu gave a small “tch” before the three continued on. Tanjirou had stayed still for a moment admiring the other two with a melancholic look in his eyes. 

He just couldn’t express how much these two had come to mean to him, even if they aren’t the same ones as the “first time,” or they don’t have as close a relationship yet. 

Those thoughts began to bring the darker ones forward; about how much he missed his friends, how he wasn’t as close yet… about the first battle with Muzan. 

It seemed no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t shake those memories. They seemed to be forever engraved in his brain, and thinking about the good times just brings on the bad memories. 

It had been a long time since Tanjirou had actually thought about what happened. About himself. And for a moment Tanjirou slipped. He was standing still, staring at the ground unmoving and unblinking. A tear started to roll down his face, but Tanjirou hadn’t noticed. 

He didn’t notice the other two standing right infront of him with slight panic and worry in their eyes and voices after Tanjirou had failed to respond to their questions or movements. Tanjirou just kept staring in horrified wide-eyes at the ground. 

After a few minutes of shouting and failing to get a response from the Kamado boy; Inosuke had grabbed Tanjirou’s shoulder and started violently shaking him: Zenitsu had done the same to the other shoulder when Tanjirou didn’t show any sign of reaction. 

Tanjirou was still dazed out, but soon multiple tears started falling down once he heard Inosuke and Zenitsu calling out to him through the dark tunnel in his mind he was in. 

The Kamado boy wasn’t fully aware as to what was going on, it was just happening to him. His legs slowly gave out under him and he fell to the ground on his knees, his arms limp by his side. 

The other two followed him, faces contorted into more worrisome ones, not knowing or understanding what was happening or why it happened; they simply went with it. 

Violent sobs began to break out from Tanjirou. 

He was so overwhelmed at the moment. He didn’t know why he was crying. He just couldn’t hold it anymore. 

His body soon started reacting too, going up to his face to whip the tears or hide his sobs, but to now avail. 

The other two were mostly sitting there, a hand on each of his shoulders, not knowing what they should do. 

Zenitsu could hear the overwhelming emotion of sadness and pain. Not knowing if it would be better or not, Zenitsu reached forward and wrapped his arms around the boy as best he could with the box on his back. 

This in turn lead to Tanjirou crying harder, if even possible. 

Inosuke, with tears building up in his eyes also (although he would NEVER admit it), also slowly reached down and held onto Tanjirou. 

Being shaken around and hearing the sounds of her brother crying, Nezuko had made her way out of the box and quickly wrapped her arms around to three of them as well. 

They simply let Tanjirou cry until he was down to gentle sniffles. 

Slight shame and guilt washed over Tanjirou, but was quickly slapped over the head by a certain good-hearing blonde. 

Tanjirou let out a slight chuckle followed with a close eyes smile with cheeks streaked and red from tears. At least Zenitsu was able to stop other bad feelings from coming onto Tanjirou. 

“Thank you all… so much.” Was the quiet reply of Tanjirou, followed by a slight hiccup. 

He eventually looked up the the three of them, said three having backed away a little to give him some space. 

Tanjirou could still see the worry and confusion on their faces. 

“Ah! It’s fine! I’m fine! Well, at least better now… haha…” said Tanjirou, looking off to the side as he finished. Inosuke gave a “I’m not very convinced” face, while Zenitsu and Nezuko gave a slight unbelieving face, but decided not to push it. 

“Oi! Why did you so suddenly break down on us!” Inosuke asked, surprisingly not shouting it. 

Zenitsu snapped his head towards the black haired boy, about to lash out at the boat for asking a rather sensitive question right now. But before the blonde could, Tanjirou stopped him. 

“I-it’s fine, Zenitsu! He can ask… I mean, it was rather sudden. But, I’m not entirely sure why I… broke down… so suddenly.” Replied Tanjirou, deciding to give a white lie at the moment, hoping it was a good enough answer to stop the three from pressing at the moment. 

The three knew it wasn’t the whole truth, but decided against pressing more, knowing that it would only be futile. 

“Oh no! We were supposed to be heading to Natagumo Mountain! Let’s hurry, we already wasted enough time!” Shouted Tanjirou while he jumped up from his position. He waited for Nezuko to get back in the box until he sprinted towards the direction of the mountain. 

Crap, why did something like this have to happen now! We already wasted enough time…

“Oi, Gonpunjuro!” Inosuke shouted to the brunette before he could run off. 

Tanjirou turned to look at him, tilting his head as in to ask what Inosuke wanted. 

“I’m not good with all this emotions and people crap, but if you feel burdened by something, tell us! We don’t need something like this happening again. We’re… here for you too, you know. So don’t go doing anything stupid or suicidal because of how you feel, got it?!”

Inosuke finished his little speech, pointing a finger in Tanjirou’s direction with his face in his signature “angry face.” 

Zenitsu stood stunned for a second that Inosuke said something actually smart and supportive before agreeing himself. 

The blonde turned towards Tanjirou and said “miraculously, he’s right. We are here for you… I heard that you weren’t doing that well but I never pushed it. I should have asked sooner, but I didn’t think… I don’t know… just, know you can talk to us.” 

Looking away a little shyly, Zenitsu awaited a response from Tanjirou. 

For a split second, Tanjirou was reminded of the last run through. About his friends then. How he should have asked for help… he probably would have been here sooner… 

“Hey! Don’t go getting depressed on us again!” Tanjirou covered his right ear as the sudden shout of Inosuke, now much closer, happened. 

“Right, sorry… I… will tell you guys one day, but for now we seriously have to get going. We have a mission to complete, and I don’t think it will be as easy this time.” Tanjirou replied, realizing too late his wording, but hoping they just brush it off. 

Zenitsu and Inosuke gave a nod of agreement, and the three headed on their way to the mountain, their bonds closer than they were before. 

—————————————————-

During the talk with Tanjirou, Inosuke didn’t know why he used the wording that he did… Tanjirou didn’t seem like the suicidal type… but Inosuke just had a feeling that the boy would push himself further than he needs to, or should, and get himself killed. Whether it be an accident or mistake. 

Something was just stuck in the back of Inosuke’s brain that he forgot, but he just couldn’t even get a hint as to what it was. 

He just knew that Tanjirou has done something like that before, and he would do his hardest to prevent it from happening again. But Inosuke didn’t have any actual idea as to what Tanjirou did before, he could just feel it. 

He didn’t have time to ponder, though, for the three began to move forward to their next mission. 

—————————————————-

When Zenitsu was talking to Tanjirou after his breakdown, he couldn’t brush off the feeling that this was somehow familiar… not necessarily about the breakdown… but about Tanjirou. 

Struggling and hiding things all by himself, even if it gets him hurt. Like the time he… he…

Wait what was I thinking about again? What did Tanjirou do before? I haven’t known Tanjirou for that long, and he hasn’t done anything like this before… so what was I was thinking about?

Trying to scratch his brain for an idea as to what happened, the idea slipped from Zenitsu’s mind too quickly, and the thought was left a mystery. 

But Zenitsu couldn’t deny the feeling that he has known Tanjirou for a lot longer than it seems. 

Confused and unsure, Zenitsu followed the other two as they made their way to the next mission. 

Little did they know about the actual horrors that were about to come

Chapter Text

Or was brutal, to say the lease. Since the group had taken longer to get to the mountain this time, more people had been strung up like some macabre puppets. Few of them still having life in them as they were twisted in unnatural ways to perform deadly dances. 

Tanjirou had forgotten about the mother and her “puppets” in the trees. He truly wished he could have gotten here sooner…. Why did he have to break at that moment?

The brunette shook his head; he didn’t have time to deal with this now. He had to help the others that were left and leave damage to a minimum. Which was already a failure in his mind because of the poor low-class demon slayers already killed by the mother. 

Being run by hurried-ness and worry, Tanjirou had let some important judgement slip his mind. He had gone to defeat the mother and brother quickly and surly. He had only given a few moments to Zenitsu and Inosuke about the father and weird spider brother. 

Tanjirou guided them as quickly as he could at the moment before he decided to head off with a “I have to stop them before any more people die.” And the brunette was gone. 

Zenitsu and I Osiel gave concerned and unsure looks at each other for a split second before deciding to try and follow what the brunette had told them. 

Despite every fiber in his being, Zenitsu actually followed Tanjirou’s instructions, however sparse and unclear they were. He trusted him. He had no clear reason why he trusted him, but he did. 

Inosuke, eager to prove his strength, went into the direction that Tanjirou had said the “Father” would be. 

______________________________________

The Kamado boy had made his way to the clearing where the mother had been. He had no idea how he didn’t find her before, but he was anxious to get this over with as quickly as possible. 

The brunette steadied and focused his breathing, finding the right breath he wanted to use. He prepared his stance, looking to the “mother” once he was ready. 

Looking into the eyes of each other, it seemed to be an understanding. Tanjirou could see the longing of freedom, or in her case, death, in the mother’s eyes. The mother understood that this was her time and barely gave a fight. Well, to Tanjiro it felt that way. 

He created the flames of his sword to slice cleanly through the threads, but quickly and finely, he changed his breath to that of the water breath of the gentle rain. 

Just like Giyuu had, although Tanjirou hadn’t known that the Hashira did so, the boy had given sympathy to the demon and served her the peaceful freedom she longed for. 

The brunette offered a quick notion in his mind to the poor demon, before moving on to Riu. There was still one more family member to take care of. 

Tanjirou had momentarily forgotten about his two other friends off fighting the two other “family members.” 

He was simply concerned with finishing this fight as soon as possible. He was strong and wouldn’t let anything befall any other person on these mountains. 

_______________________________________

The fight between Rui and Tanjirou was done in less than a minute. The Kamado boy didn’t even give the demon a chance to string up Nezuko or put up defenses. 

As soon as the brunette layer eyes on the demon, he attacked. The flames of his dance blazing around him and neat and ornate patterns as he sliced through the neck of the demon and burned any threads he could have used to keep his head attached. 

There was a look of shock on the demon's face as he began to disintegrate. That look of shock slowly turned into acquiescence. Tanjirou looked down at the demon, quietly saying, “I’m sorry, but I had to. You won’t suffer anymore.” 

The demon wanted to say something snarky back, but ultimately decided it was no use. The boy was right anyway. He could rest easy. Who would have thought he would be accepting the peace given by a human… he surely didn’t. But he wouldn’t struggle anymore. 

He had lost his life and his family. He was no longer one of the strongest demons here. He kept his eye open as he continued to feel the swirling emotions of anger and unfairness as well as content and peace. 

Tanjirou watched the last of the dust float away before jolting to attention at the remembrance of his two friends. 

Shit! Are they okay! Why did I leave them alone?! I mean, sure they’re strong, but this fight didn’t end well for them last time and I had forgotten about that… oh god, please be okay!

The boy had started sprinting in the direction of where he had sent them, unaware of the presence of a Hashira following him in the shadows behind. 

The boy had made it to the river clearing, looking frantically around for the Boar-headed boy who would have fought the father. Tanjirou noticed the group of medical people near a specific spot and rushed to the area to check on Inosuke. 

He was relieved to find him alive, although not well. If anything he seemed worse than last time. He was on the verge of death… and Tanjirou couldn’t shake the feeling it was his fault. He had to look away from the weakened body of Inosuke, and let the medical people handle him. He would be alright. 

Tanjirou had noticed that Zenitsu was nowhere to be seen, and headed to the area where the spider brother would have been. 

He noticed the buildings and cocoons up above, and eventually the shape of people on a high up platform. 

There was a familiar butterfly print Haori. Shinobu was up there looking down at something…

Tanjirou’s heart started to beat faster in his chest and anxiety caused his breath to quicken, despite his best efforts. 

Jumping into the trees and climbing some ladders, the brunette made his way to where the Hashira was. The Hashira noticed his presence, but didn’t move. 

In fear of what he was thinking was true, Tanjirou was hesitant to approach the body that lay at Shinobu’s feet. 

Forcing himself to move his feet and look closely, The Kamado boy noticed the familiar pattern of yellow with white triangles, and the Mop of blonde hair. 

It was Zenitsu, shorter than before, but Zenitsu. He wasn’t breathing and his eyes were glazed over in the absence of life. 

Zenitsu had died. 

Staring intently at the boy at his feet, as if to will the body to move again with life, Tanjirou simply stared. He couldn’t believe it. How could he have been so stupid? He let Zenitsu die…

Tanjirou gently scooped up Zenitsu’s body in his arms and pressed the body close to his chest, burying his face in the soft blonde hair that still had the leftover spark from the blonde’s lightning abilities. 

And he cried. He cried ugly and hard, and he cried. Right into the hair of the blonde who he cared for so much. He had gotten Zenitsu killed and he had almost gotten Inosuke killed because he was so stupid-

The thoughts kept coming as fast and strong as the tears that fell from Tanjirou’s face into Zenitsu’s hair, smelling the familiar but fading scent of peach orchards on a rainy day. The Kamado boy completely forgot about the Hashira standing right infront; who was rather surprised at what she was seeing but decided to not interfere quite yet. 

Tanjirou thought back to his supernatural abilities. He could - no, should- reset time. He had done it before he could do it again. 

But a part of his brain whispered “ what if it didn’t work and you just kill yourself?”

That phrase made a part of him worry about it, but the majority of his thoughts decided if he died permanently, it would be for the better. 

And so, with a gentle kiss to the head of the blonde in his arms, and a silent goodbye to Inosuke in his mind, Tanjirou removed his blade quickly, and slashed fiercely into his neck before Shinobu could act. 

The Brunette collapsed to the flooring with the blonde still in his arms and the backpack with his sister still on his back. 

He bled out quickly with his fading thoughts about his failure and mess ups and undeservings. 

Shinobu could do nothing but watch the boy bleed out and wait for the other Hashiras to arrive. Giyuu appeared not to long after, having seen the boy slice his own neck and die there with his dead friend in his arms. 

Chapter Text

It was cold once again. This time, the cold felt deeper than before. Tanjirou’s eyes slowly opened to be greeted by the falling snow coming through the trees. 

The boy sat up in an unrushed pace, looking over at his sister who was sleeping peacefully on the ground. Tanjirou wordlessly went over to her and pulled her onto his back. He was kind of ignoring Giyuu, who was right next to him. 

It’s not that he necessarily wanted to ignore the stoic man, but what could he do? Tanjirou couldn’t tell Giyuu anything, and he doubted the man would believe him anyway. A part of the kamado’s heart missed the Giyuu he knew… I mean sure, this is technically the same Giyuu, but they don’t have that relationship as before… the memories they shared and the hardships they went through…

Solemn as he was, Tanjirou picked up Nezuko and started in the directions of the mountains Urokodaki was at without the Water Hashira saying anything. 

“Thank you, Giyuu-San. I hope to see you again someday under better conditions.” The Kamado boy spoke as he turned to leave, but was stopped by the smooth yet firm voice of the Hashira. 

“Wait.” Tanjirou paused in his steps, his heart fluttering in hope that Giyuu might have something new to say - that he might have remembered something. 

“I want you to head to the Sagiri Mountains to meet a man called Urokodaki. I will send a crow to notify him.” And the hope in the boy’s heart dropped. Of course he was going to say that; according to Giyuu, this is the first Tanjirou has ever heard of Urokodaki. 

Not turning around, Tanjirou gave a quick nod of his head as he wordlessly kept walking in the path to Urokodaki once more. 

The boy fought the urge to cry, but soon, altogether he didn’t feel anything. He simply focused on getting to the mountains. 

____________________________________

Giyuu had found it strange; the boy’s situation. And not just his situation, but the boy himself. When he woke up, he seemed completely different from before. 

And the Hashira noticed one thing. The boy’s breathing. As soon as the boy was conscious, his breathing shifted. It shifted to the pattern of total concentration breathing - he was sure of it. 

But it was still peculiar. If the boy knew how to do total concentration breathing, why didn’t he have a sword? Why was it so easy to take him down? Why couldn’t he have protected his family?

There were a few too many questions floating in the black-haired man’s head. He cut the thoughts short. He didn’t need to be thinking about it, what he has done is done and the boy is off to Urokodaki.

With his eyes following the smaller-growing boy in the distance, Giyuu turned to head in his own direction for his next mission. 

_____________________________________

Tanjirou had made it to the mountains in record time - avoiding the demon on his way there despite his anger at himself for not helping those people, he and to remind himself he didn’t have his sword yet so it would be useless. Yet the little voice persisted he could try. 

But Tanjirou collected the basket for Nezuko and powering through to the place where Urokodaki would be. Sticking to his plan to avoid the demon. 

Thanks to the extra practice of his breath - a couple years extra - the boy was able to make good pace without his body’s muscles being as trained yet. 

The Kamado boy had made it to Urokodaki and followed through the motions as he had the past few times before. And of course, Urokodaki agreed to train Tanjirou. 

The old man had sensed something strange in the boy. He too noticed the breathing, but made no mention of it. But there was also some look in his eyes. 

The eyes of the boy were still soft and kind, yet a very deep sorrow was frozen beneath. It was as if a raging tsunami had been frozen in its track, and only the warmest of heat could melt it; and surely the Tsunami would come crashing down in full force if it did. 

And so Tanjirou had trained again. He practically sped through the techniques - he had done them so many times before - and Urokodaki was rather surprised at the speed of progress the boy was making, although he never truly said that to Tanjirou. 

It was as if the boy was trying to be close to the old man, yet keeping him at arm's length - but with great struggle on the boy’s part. There was that sign, subtle but there, that the boy longed to be closer and thought highly of the old man but still kept his distance. It was as if he was afraid of being hurt, or deepening a wound already there. 

Urokodaki said nothing about what he observed, but over the course of time, he could feel worry fester in himself. He cared for this boy as he did his other pupils and was confident he would survive easily, yet he was worried. Worried about what the boy was hiding. About a Tsunami frozen inside, that if melted would crash with great and dangerous force. 

One night, while the two were having dinner, Tanjirou spoke up and asked Urokodaki a question.

“Um… Urokodaki-San, do you… happen to know the old Thunder Hashira?” Tanjirou was hesitant in asking, but he wanted to know. The boy had known that Zenitsu was training under him now. He would ask about Inosuke, but he would be practically impossible to find now… he never knew where he was during this time. 

Urokodaki’s head jerked slightly in shock at what the boy had asked - he certainly didn’t expect that question. 

After a moment of silent, the old man spoke up. 

“Yes. I do know him. Why do you ask?” 

Tanjirou was silent for a second, his thoughts fighting with each other. Should he tell him that he knows one of the Hashira’s pupils? But then he might ask how I know him, and that’s difficult to answer… maybe I should say I wanted to visit? No I can’t answer why to that either… 

The boy was taking to long, so Urokodaki prompted again. “Tanjirou? Do you know the Thunder Hashira?” 

Tanjirou panicked at being pressed about it, so quickly answered, “Yes! Well no, not exactly. I know of him, but I really only know one of his pupils… I was simply asking in case you… in case you knew where he lived. I thought I would be good to visit the pupil I know…” the last part was more to Tanjirou’s self than Urokodaki, but the man heard it all the same. 

He sat and thought for a moment before responding with, “I would allow you to visit.” Tanjirou looked at him in surprise. 

Urokodaki continued, “you are doing exceptional at your training and have already mastered the form of Total Concentration Breathing, even if I had not directly taught it to you myself. If you truly wanted to go visit that pupil, I would allow it and give you the directions to his housing. I can sense the pupil means a lot to you, and I see no reason why you shouldn’t go.” 

Urokodaki paused again before adding, “However, I will have you complete one more task. I was going to save this for later, but you are clearly capable and I see no reason to draw things out. You are ready.”

Tanjirou assumed Urokodaki was talking about cutting the rock in half. He had kind of forgotten about that. So he prepared to do just so and get the trial over with. He was reminded of Sabito and the others there and on if he would see them again, but simply ignored the thought. 

As expected, as soon as Tanjirou had seen the rock and been given the instructions by Urokodaki, the boy took off and cut the rock smoothly in half. The old man stood still in minor shock again at how quickly the boy had done it - he had expected at least a day or two, but the boy had done it in less than a minute. 

Urokodaki shook his head approvingly, walking over to the boy. 

“Well done. I will let you travel to the Thunder Hashira if you wish - I can keep watch over your sister if you would like her to stay. You have proven yourself very capable and most definitely ready for the trial for entering the Demon Slayer Corps. I am proud of you, Tanjirou.”

And with that, Urokodaki gave Tanjirou’s head a small Pat before pulling the boy in for a warm hug. 

A strong piece of heat had pierced the Tsunami for a split second - the water perspiring for a little  before a strong breeze of cold wind came and froze it back to exactly how it was before. 

Tanjirou stared agape at Urokodaki before closing his mouth and nodding once enthusiastically at the man. He had missed the feeling of something like that, but a harsh voice in his head told him he didn’t deserve it. 

 When Urokodaki offered to have Tanjirou come back with him, the boy denied saying he would like to stay at the site a little longer. 

The man nodded and turned around to walk back to the house. 

Tanjirou watched as the man disappeared into the fog, and made his way to the rock, looking around the clearing as well. As he was busy looking into the trees, he sensed the presence of someone on the rock behind him. 

Tanjirou turned around to be greeted by the man with strawberry pink hair and a fox mask upon his face. Sabito was here. 

The two stared at each other for a silent moment before Sabito gave Tanjirou a warm smile and gentle round of applause. 

“I have to say! That is probably the fastest time for someone to cut the rock like that. I’ve been watching you train, and you are rather exceptional. I have no doubt you will do well in the trial. But I must say… you feel rather… familiar. Strange, I don’t recall ever meeting you before…”

Sabito studied Tanjirou for a moment, the brunette sweating slightly at being looked at so intently, he felt as if all his darkest secrets would be seen - even if he had none. 

With a simple “hmm” in response, Sabito continued. “You are really quite something. Not many people show skill like that, it’s as if you have a few years of experience under your belt… but that wouldn’t make sense saying as your body wasn’t nearly as strong then as it is now… how strange.”

Tanjirou let out a nervous laugh along with, “Ah, well, Thank you Sabito.” The brows of the light haired man furrowed ever so slightly at his name. 

“Are you sure I’ve never met you before?” Sabito questioned again. Tanjirou could tell the other man had some sort of suspicions of Tanjirou, but he wasn't sure on how to best explain to Sabito. 

“Well, I have met you before, but I’m rather sure you haven’t met me.” It was as vague, yet still truthful, as Tanjirou could get in his explanation. 

The other man let out a “hmm” again. Clearly unsatisfied, but not pressing for more. 

The two continued talking with each other, soon other children began to join in. Tanjirou didn’t know how long they had stayed talking, or even why, but he stayed and enjoyed it. It was nice to simply talk. He had even gotten to know Sabito a little bit better, and heck, even some pieces of Giyuu! He was rather surprised as to what the two got up to in their youth…

Tanjirou kept some information in his back pocket for later for if he ever got to speak to Giyuu again under non-business circumstances. 

Eventually, Tanjirou bid his farewells, leaving for the house. He was still deciding whether or not to visit his blonde friend. 

A sudden flash of Zenitsu laying lifesly in his arms came to mind, and soon after of him being bloodied and roughed up also dead. 

Tanjirou had to stop for a moment as he felt like his heart stopped beating for a moment. 

He had let one of his friends die twice, and almost another of his friends as well all because he was so stupid and weak and couldn’t protect them- 

Tanjirou clenched a hand to his chest, falling to his knees as he struggled to properly breath. 

Weak. 

Failure. 

Stupid. 

Ignorant. 

Disappointing. 

Words like these bounced through his head as the image of his friends - his family, both old and new - flashed in his head repeatedly. Nezuko, Inosuke, Zenitsu, Mother, Brothers, Sisters, Giyuu, Nezuko, Inosuke, Zenitsu, Mother, Brothers, Sisters, Giyuu,nezukoinosukezenitsumotherbrotherssistersgiyuunezukoinosukezenotsumothe- 

Heaving to get breaths in, Tanjirou fell to one of his hands as well, trying to stabilize himself as he saw the images of all the people he loved , in their bloodied or deformed dying or dead state. 

He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t think yet he couldn’t stop thinking about them-

He was stuck. It was as if he was back in his body with Muzan there, as if the hands that tried to push him up before were gripping and wrapping around his boys to force him to watch and suffer in the pain. 

Tanjirou didn’t know how long he was there for, barely able to breath, barely able to move, barely able to do anything but watch. But revel in the pain. 

The soft feeling of arms wrapping around his body eventually entered his mind, and the feeling of a cotton Haori was noticed in the hands of the boy. His smelling slowly returned to him as well and he recognized the scent. 

It was the comforting scent of Urokodaki. The smell of a river strong and powerful, yet able to give life and movement to those around it. 

Urokodaki had come to Tanjirou’s aid, out in the middle of the pathway between the Boulder and the house. The old man had sensed something was wrong - maybe he had faintly smelled it - but either way he came to investigate. 

He had seen the boy on the floor struggling to get air. The old man had initially panicked that something had coke to attack him, but found no wounds. Urokodaki even tried to talk to Tanjirou, but noticed his words weren’t getting through and that the boy’s eyes weren’t seeing anything in front of him. 

And the overwhelming smell of guilt and shame and anger and sadness flooded the nose of the old man. 

Something had broken a large crack into the Tsunami, causing a large leak in the frozen hold of the water. 

Without another word, Urokodaki picked up Tanjirou’s body from the floor and held him - tight. He wouldn’t let go until he knew the boy was okay. 

It had taken a few minutes at least, but eventually the boy’s senses came back. He wasn’t crying or anything, but the boy had started breathing normally again. 

Urokodaki still didn’t let go, not wanting to take away the boy’s comfort too soon. 

The harsh wind had come back and frozen the Tsunami over again. 

Tanjirou closed his eyes once he realized what was happening and silently said sorry to Urokodaki for the trouble. 

Without a word, Urokodaki slowly got up, bringing Tanjirou with him, and like he would a young child, held his hand as he guided them back to the house. 

Tanjirou may be hiding something deep In himself, and would probably never share with Urokodaki- but the man wasn’t just going to let the boy drown. 

And so, in silence, the two walked back together.

Chapter Text

Tanjirou was lying in his bed in the dark silence. Should he try to visit Zenitsu? What good would it do? He could always wait to visit him at the trial… but he also really wanted to see his friend. Yet, he felt he didn’t deserve it. 

His thoughts flashed back to him on the way back from the stone… the immense guilt and pain he felt then, wouldn’t actually seeing Zenitsu just set it off even worse?

So, in the dark, in his bed, on a sleepless night, Tanjirou decided he would just wait for the trial. He didn’t think he could stand seeing his friends quite yet. 

A few months had passed, Nezuko was still asleep, as Tanjirou had suspected, and the said boy had continued training and refining his techniques, practicing his flame dance when Urokodaki wasn’t around. 

The time of the trial came and went, and Tanjirou had altogether avoided Zenitsu and Genya this time. He kept his face and eyes forward when he detected them, unable to bear what would happen if he even saw them, besides the moment Tanjirou stepped in to stop Genya from hurting the girl… but even then, he kept his gaze distant and as away from the other boy as possible. 

And so, Tanjirou picked his iron and made his way out of the testing site as quickly as he could. The Kamado boy had rushed back to the House, and was greeted by the site of Nezuko and Urokodaki. The three of them hugged as before, but the ice covering the tsunami barely melted this time around. 

At night, Tanjirou briefly wondered if something was wrong with him. He had noticed his distance with the people he loved… but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. 

So the days kept passing by, and Tanjirou went through the same events as last time, taking down the demons in record time and keeping as many casualties down as he could. 

He couldn’t help but feel anger at himself for not being able to get to the people who needed his help as quickly as he could, but it had been a long time and so many missions that places and times mixed up a lot. 

Yet the cold anger never ceased. Tanjirou fought the demons in the city, getting the help from the two medicine working demons. And this time around, Tanjirou avoided Muzan. 

It was as if an invisible force physically stopped him from going near the man, even if he knew exactly where he was. He could have beaten him now… yet he didn’t. He couldn’t do it. He physically couldn’t move to his location…

So Tanjirou enjoyed what he could with his sister and the two demons he met at the city, although this time he had to seek them out. Yet strangely enough, the other two demons still came to fight… but they were dealt with easily, as stated before. 

A puppet is what Tanjirou began to feel like… not that he was necessarily being controlled by someone else, but just his actions all seemed pre-made and he was just going through the actions of this “story.”

When Tanjirou got around to actually meeting Zenitsu, the blonde could sense something strange about him. Despite the deja vu he got from seeing the brunette, he could sense that distance in the other boy… 

The pitter-patter in the Kamado boy’s heart was strange and complex, as many hearts were. The rushing beat of self-hatred and fear with a confusing mixture of love and compassion… It was strange, yet familiar. The blonde secretly reveled in the beating of the soft and compassionate side of the boy’s heart beat. 

       —————————————————

Tanjirou had found Zenitsu hanging off that poor woman again, except this time Tanjirou silently pulled him off the girl. He still gave Zenitsu a scolding for it, but it felt… rehearsed. He simply said what he roughly did the first time, just not with as much vigor. 

Zenitsu still had is screaming fit, as Zenitsu did, and Tanjirou could feel his smile become genuine for a second, a crack forming in the ice before quickly being covered up by an onset of snow. 

Before Tanjirou could look to long at his friend, he was reminded of the scenes of his dear friend, dead. The scenes he caused. He had caused his friends death twice. 

Tanjirou’s smile vanished for a moment, seeing the images in his mind before shaking them away. 

Zenitsu resigned to following Tanjirou again, picking up the unusual pitter-patters of the Kamado’s heart. Conflicting noises. Comfort and kindness, washed over by anger and fear, followed by seething self-disappointment, ending with the painful beat of longing. 

The blonde had no idea what was going on with this boy, but he… he felt horrible for him. Without even knowing him for that long, he still felt an oddly deep connection. 

Zenitsu may have started clinging to the boy more than the last few runs, although to him it was their first time meeting - but Zenitsu noticed that the brunette’s heart beat was much gentler, kinder, and happier when the boy was around.

To hear that comforting sound, Zenitsu decided to do what he could - although he would never admit it to Tanjirou. That would be weird! He’s never met this boy before! But then why did his heart beat being such comfort and sentiment?!

He just couldn’t figure it out. 

The two made it to the demon house, and gathered Inosuke and the kids like before. Tanjirou follows through the motions, getting in and out swiftly. 

Seeing Inosuke brought the crack through again, but was also quickly covered by the cold wind of doubt. He didn’t deserve to be happy at seeing his friends. Not after what he did to them… not after what pain he caused them.  

Tanjirou and Inosuke fought like before, and the three soon set out - Zenitsu having gotten beat up again. It was up to Tanjirou to carry him again. 

Being by those two knuckleheads again… it was amazing. It always hurts to be set back so far and not see them for so long… it was so painfully long… just, how long would it go for? 

But apart of Tanjirou always told him that he deserved that pain. He didn’t deserve that compassion his friends gave them, he didn’t deserve anything good. Why did he? He couldn’t save his family, he killed his friends, he disappointed them in past resets, he couldn’t save Rengoku, he couldn’t fucking kill Muzan-!

A deep beat of grief crashed into Tanjirou’s heart, but was quick to turn into anger. 

           ——————————————

Tanjirou stayed with the other two as much as he could, but he couldn’t stay for long because he was sent out on missions while the other two healed up.

Luckily, these were rather short missions and Tanjirou could always come back and check on them before they left. He would even spend the night with them sometimes. 

Time came and went, the three heading back out again. To that mountain. That cursed, horrible mountain. He promised to keep Inosuke and Zenitsu by his side, at least. He wouldn’t let them die again, this time. 

On the mountain, Tanjirou released a portion of that anger, killing the demons in his path with ferocious intensity. They hardly stood a chance. 

Tanjirou didn’t have to use Nezuko’s ability either. 

Inosuke and Zenitsu were a little frightened at their friends display of strength and power; and in those moments of fighting, Zenitsu noticed just how strongly the beat of rage and sadness rang out from the boy. The sense of protection - Zenitsu noticed, too - was also there. 

Now that he thought about it, Tanjirou had been very adamant on them sticking all together, and letting Tanjiro deal with most of it. 

Zenitsu was fine with that - less demons for him to fight - but Inosuke was, well, Inosuke, and took Tanjirou’s protection as a sign of challenge. 

When the two Hashira’s arrived to take Tanjirou and his sister, the two boys stood their ground to protect Tanjirou back. 

There was fear and uncertainty coming from Zenitsu, and Inosuke was angry and uncertain as well - yet both stood their ground, adamant on protecting Tanjirou. The Kamado boy’s heart felt heavy from that, smelling their apprehension, yet seeing them stand up and fight. 

The three of them ended up being bound, Tanjirou going without a fight, as he watched his sister get taken from him. Deep fear and rage bubbled in him again, but he forced himself to let it go. He told himself this star would be fine… she would be fine. 

The other three were taken by some Demon Slayer workers, blindfolded so as to not see there they were going. 

This meeting with the other Hashira’s was much different. This time, Inosuke and Zenitsu were there. Coincidently, the other two were gagged - the Hashira’s must have heard that they can be… really vocal. 

During this meeting, Tanjirou was eerily calm. He was still worried about seeing his sister, and argued for her innocence - and Giyuu’s. 

The other two that were gagged would still voice their opinions through hymns of approval or disapproval. 

The Hashira’s were thrown off at how calm Tanjirou reacted to this situation, but could notice some admiration from some at his calm demeanor despite the situation. 

Sanemi still tried to attack Nezuko, and anger spiked in Tanjirou. He moved quickly, knocking Sanemi back with a head butt again - not holding anything back. 

When Tanjirou got Nezuko again, he felt his anger drop back down. He barely noticed Inosuke and Zenitsu looking at him in bewilderment and shock at his sudden strike. He was rather fast…

The Hashira’s watched in stunned silence at the sudden spread and aggression the boy held, and not to mention the attack the boy landed. 

Tanjirou didn’t say much besides a, “Nezuko has hurt no one.” There was venom to his last words, and some of the Hashira’s noticed, but said nothing else. 

The tense atmosphere was interrupted by the sudden appearance of one of the Master’s children, signaling his arrival.