Chapter Text
You were not looking forward to the Weasley’s annual garden party. It was something they started doing every year after the second war to celebrate the victory of the light side along with the fact that everyone came out unscathed. Being a part of the generation that went to school in between the two wars, you always felt like a little bit of an outsider and had come up with an excuse year after year to miss the gathering. This year, however, your best friend and former housemate, Nymphadora Tonks, decided that she’d finally had enough.
“Would you just get over yourself already? Everyone would be delighted to see you, and you know it,” she exclaimed over tea one afternoon.
You fiddled with the teaspoon that rested in your cup, giving it a couple of turns in the milky liquid.
“I’m serious this time, Nymphie. I really do have other mat—“
“Cut the bullshit! I know you love to practice your excuses on me, but I know the truth, and I’m tired of covering for you when people ask. Especially when half the time your excuses are crap!”
It was a week to the next party, and you invited her out to a cafe to break the news in the hopes that a public setting might quiet her reactions. You should have known that effort was futile. You felt your ears go hot, darting your eyes around to see if anyone had been disturbed by her outburst. Satisfied that no one seemed to be bothered, you turned back only to find her hair a flaming red color.
Flinching back, you pleaded with her. “Nymphie, please...”
“You don’t get to call me that when I’m mad at you.”
You sighed in defeat. Being two years younger than the irate woman across from you meant that when you were sorted into Hufflepuff your first year and she immediately took you under her wing, you would forever looked up to her like an older sister. Of course, this familial feeling filled you with an incredible amount of guilt whenever you let her down. The placating side of you, the one that had you bending over backwards to please others, sometimes to your own detriment, wanted you to break down and agree to go. But you had an equally stubborn and self-deprecating side, and this one won out every time.
“I’m sorry. Like you said, you know the truth. You know why I don’t feel comfortable showing up there. I have no reason to celebrate. I didn’t do any—“
“You say you didn’t do anything one more time, and I really will get mad.”
You huffed in response, and brought the teacup up to your lips to take a sip. “It’s true, though. It was just a case of being in the right place at the right time.”
“It means so much more than you could have ever imagined that you were where you were that night.”
“Oh yeah,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Hiding away in the rubble, hoping that no one would find me. Super meaningful, indeed. I was a coward through and through, and I don’t deserve to be at that party.”
“Being scared doesn’t make you a coward!” This shout did garner a few looks, and you bounced your hands at her, silently asking for her to lower her voice. She did, continuing. “And if you weren’t hiding there, you wouldn’t have been able to save Remus.”
The intensity in her eyes burned through you, and you coughed in embarrassment, darting your eyes to the window on your left. You remembered that night vividly as if the memory were seared into your brain. Curled into a ball with your hands over your head, huddling by a giant pile of debris, crying as the sounds of a duel neared ever closer. You quietly begged and begged that the two duelers wouldn’t stumble over you, where you would inevitably be caught in the crossfire. A familiar shout had you peeking around the broken pillar you were sitting behind, and when you realized exactly who it was that was locked in deadly magical combat, all you saw was red.
“I hardly did any saving. I just hit his attacker in the head with a loose brick. Wasn’t even enough to take him down.”
“It was enough to incapacitate the bastard. Remus told me that he knew he had been fighting a losing battle, and if it weren’t for you coming out of the shadows with a war cry like a mandrake and brandishing that brick, he would never been able to gain the upper hand.”
“Yeah, but—“
A firm hand placed over yours brought your attention back to her, and you were floored at the somber look that was plastered on her face. “If it hadn’t been for you, Teddy wouldn’t have his father. So, yeah, I think you did plenty of saving in my book.”
Finding it hard to fight with that logic, you conceded with a sigh. She gave your hand a couple pats before grabbing her mug and taking a long sip. You followed suit, suddenly feeling parched.
“Now,” she started, the hairs on the back of your neck raising with the smirk that started to form. “Let’s talk about why you’re really avoiding going to the party this year.”
The sip you were in the middle of swallowing suddenly felt as though it doubled in volume, and you struggled to gulp it down. You slammed your teacup back into its saucer, some of the contents sloshing over the sides and onto your fingertips. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, no? So you’re saying that my ruggedly handsome cousin has nothing to do with why you’re so desperately trying to come up with some half-ass excuse to miss the festivities?”
“I don’t see how he has anything to do with this. It’s not as though I don’t see him on a daily basis, living in his house and all.”
She hummed. “Yeah, but it’s not the seeing him that gets to you, is it? It’s well-known by now that Sirius loves to use this party as an excuse to get the current flavor of-the-week nice and buzzed before he has his wicked way with her.”
You stared blankly at her. “Did you miss the part where I said I lived with him? That’s like a monthly occurrence in the Black household. I keep telling him to install a revolving door—might make it easier in the long run.”
“He did mention you said something about that,” she laughed. “Had no idea what you were talking about, and honestly neither do I, but it sounds like he should look into it.”
The corner of your mouth lifted in a mock smile, but it dropped just as quickly. Needing something to do with yourself you picked up your fork and pushed around the last few bits of strawberry shortcake that sat on the small plate in front of you. She watched as you did this, a thoughtful look upon her face.
“Although...” Your grip tightened on the fork in preparation for what you knew was coming. “He may not need it anymore what with that new witch that’s been hanging around these last couple of months. What was her name again? Delia? Lydia?”
“Delilah,” you ground out.
“Ah, yes, dear old Delilah. How is she doing, by the way? I heard her nightly romps with Sirius have been poorly affecting her work. So much so that he’s even complained to me she’s put them on hold so she can finally get a good night’s sleep! Can you believe that?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care!” You flung your hands up in exasperation, dropping the fork in the process, and fell back into your seat, crossing your arms over your chest with a huff. Each aggravating word pierced into your chest like a knife, and you wished desperately for her to stop talking.
And there it was. She had caught you hook, line, and sinker, and she absolutely knew it if her growing grin was anything to go by. At her smile, you shot her a murderous glare, and she found herself immensely grateful that you met in the cafe after all. She sighed softly, addressing you in a tone just as soft.
“Why don’t you just tell him?”
“And risk making myself looking like a fool in front of him? Fat chance!” You scoffed, harshly wiping away a stray tear that threatened to fall. “Besides, he seems truly happy for the first time in years, and I don’t want to ruin that by selfishly confessing my feelings.”
“Maybe you need to be selfish for once.”
“Come on, Nymphie, don’t start with this, please.”
“Don’t ‘Nymphie’ me, I’m still upset with you.” She narrowed her eyes at you while you rolled yours. “I’m not kidding! You and I both know that you would be a much better match for Sirius than that tart! And if he can’t see that, then maybe he doesn’t deserve you anyway!”
You twisted your lips in distaste. “Just because we don’t like her doesn’t mean we have to resort to name calling.”
“Trust me, the name is quite fitting. You don’t know half the shit they get up to in that bed.” She shivered at the thought. You squeezed your eyes shut, flinching in pain. She had the decency to look properly abashed. “Sorry.”
You waved your hand at her apology, in turn waving away the idea of Sirius and Delilah doing...things. “How do you know so much about your cousin’s sex life anyway?”
She stuck her tongue out, making a noise of disgust. “Trust me, it’s not like I went asking. It sort of just happened one night after drinking. He started to confide in me about—“ She suddenly cut herself off, as if she were afraid she had said too much, before continuing. “—something. After that, I suppose I became his confidante, of sorts.”
You chose to ignore her slip of the tongue. “Can’t say I’m envious.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “At least I just get the R-rated story version. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to actually hear it.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Shit, sorry, sorry.”
The deadly look you directed at her melted into a teasing one. “It’s okay. I learned to perfect all the silencing charms I could a long time ago. Harry on the other hand....that poor boy hears way more than he ever signed up for every time he stays over.”
You and Nymphadora burst into giggles at the young man’s plight. Sensing that you were in a slightly better mood, she tried asking again. “Will you please come to the party this year? Everyone misses you.”
And then she did something that she only pulls out for the most direst of situations. She gave you literal puppy dog eyes.
“Fine,” you sighed. “I’ll think about it.”
This was a bad idea. This was a bad, bad, bad idea. You were standing in front of your mirror on the morning of the party, freshly showered and fully panicking. One towel was wrapped around your body while another held your hair atop your head. Staring at yourself, you sighed deeply.
I can’t do this, you thought for the fifth time that morning. There’s no way this is going to end well. Frowning at yourself in the mirror, you sighed again. This is for you, Nymphie. You owe me one.
You flipped your body forward, shaking out your hair from the towel. You were in the middle of vigorously drying your hair when a girlish giggle floated its way from down the hall and through the cracks of your door. What was she doing here? Didn’t she say she was going to meet him at the party?
You fell back into your bed, not caring that your damp hair was getting your bedsheets wet. You pressed the towel you were using to dry your hair against your face in an effort to quiet the groan that pushed passed your lips. Laying there in your bed, you couldn’t help but torture yourself, listening in as the giggles grew in frequency and pitch. Each one was akin to a punch to your resolve, and you had no problem letting it beat you into submitting to the desire of calling the whole thing off. The giggling seemed to grow louder and louder until it almost felt like they were right outside your door. You turned on your side, pressing your palms against your ears to try and quiet them.
Suddenly, you heard two quick raps on your door. You said nothing, pulling your hands away to see if you had just been hearing things. After a moment, you heard the gentle calling of your name. You opened your mouth to respond but was swiftly cut off by more obnoxious tittering.
“Darling, perhaps she’s still asleep? You did tell me how fond she was of her beauty rest.”
Your heart hurt. Had he really said something like that?
There was spluttering before he hastily whispered, “I don’t believe that’s how I phrased it, exactly, but who doesn’t enjoy a lie-in or two? Moreover, I know she’s already awake. It’s not been but 15 minutes since she told me she was headed upstairs to get ready.”
Oh yes, you remember. You and Sirius had been lounging about in the kitchen, chatting about nothing over your cooling cups of coffee. You were mulling over how you were going to break the news about attending the party but couldn’t quite find the courage. Instead, you teased him about being late as you knew he required at least two hours to fully preen himself. He glared at you playfully before his face went soft, claiming he was going to miss having you around for the day. At his despondency, you couldn’t help but blurt out that you were, in fact, able to attend this year.
His eyes lit up with such joy that even though you had regretted saying them as soon as they had come out, you wouldn’t take the words back for anything in the world. He immediately jumped up from his chair and rushed you up the stairs, declaring that if he took two hours then you took at least twice as long, and you both needed to get ready as soon as possible if the two of you were going to make it on time.
You paused on the steps and looked back at him curiously. You asked if Delilah was still coming, attempting to school your features into a neutral expression. He answered with a lopsided grin, informing you that she would be meeting him there. You nodded stiffly, hurrying up the stairs and into your shower where you released a couple of quiet sobs from your system so that you could attack today with a bright face.
And now, here you were. Sprawled across your bed, fresh tears trailing down your face, and desperately wishing you had not said a damn thing.
He called your name again. You turned to face the door, a shout of ‘I’m not feeling well. Go on without me!’ threatening to fall from your lips. The utter glee he had on his face when you said you were going flashed through your mind and dampened the urge to chicken out, so you again stayed silent.
There was more whispering behind the door, this time you couldn’t hear, before you heard the sound of footsteps heading back down the stairs. A gust of air left you in a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. You curled into an even tighter ball, burrowing impossibly further into the towel that was wrapped around your face and head.
“Okay, that’s it. I’m coming in!” A brief exclamation, and the unmistakable sound of your doorknob turning was all the warning you had.
You leaped from the bed like a bolt of lighting, tossing the towel away from your head, and ran to the door to lean your weight on it, preventing it from opening any further than a crack. The towel wrapped around your body started to slip, and you held it up with a tight fist, while the other moved to hold onto the edge of the doorframe.
“Wait, I’m not decent!” The door was pushed open a few inches more, sliding you along with it. Your fingertips turned red with the force you used to hold on. “Sirius!”
“Oh relax! I’m just trying to get through the barrier of the silencing charm. I promise not to open the door any further than this.”
Your body flushed in simultaneous relief and embarrassment. Relief that he didn’t realize you had intentionally been ignoring him, and embarrassment in the fact that he must have knocked on your door enough times to know that you frequently placed silencing charms. You craned your neck over your left shoulder to peer through the space created by the now ajar door. Piercing blue eyes met your gaze, looking down at you with concern swimming in them.
“There you are. You almost ready?”
You maneuvered your body to face the door, leaning over so that you were only visible from the shoulders up. You avoided his eyes as you answered in a low voice. “Yeah, I don’t know if I’m going anymore.”
You were suddenly stumbling backwards as the door was thrust open. You pulled the towel tightly around you, squawking in indignation. “Sirius! You promised you wouldn’t come in!”
“Get your panties out of a twist, sweetheart. I’m not looking.” Indeed he wasn’t. He held a hand up to his firmly shut eyes, and you couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked. You told him so. “I can very well take my hand away if it amuses you that much.”
“Don’t you dare!”
He hooked his hand into the bend of his other arm in a pseudo half-crossed manner. “What is this about you not going anymore?”
You would have laughed if you didn’t feel so guilty at the hurt in his voice. “I...suddenly felt ill. I’d been debating whether or not I felt well enough to go when you came bursting through.”
It wasn’t technically a lie. The thought of watching Sirius and Delilah make faces at each other all day certainly had your stomach turning. You took a step back when he swung his free arm out towards you. “Uh, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying to check your temperature. Now come here so I can feel your forehead.”
You squeaked in panic when he took two unsteady steps forward. You held a hand out to stop him, pushing back on his shoulder and ducking your head out of the way of his roaming hand. “Really, there’s no need for that!”
“But you were fine just a moment ago! It must be serious if it happened so quickly!”
You kept pushing at him, actually managing to make him retreat a few steps back into the hallway. Leaning away from his hand was getting you nowhere, so you stepped in closer to him, not leaving enough space for his arm to sneak in between you and up to your forehead.
“And I’m seriously telling you it’s fine!”
“Sirius, dear, Nymphadora and Remus are here!”
The sound of Delilah’s voice calling up the steps froze the both of you in your tracks. Your heart pounded against your chest as you wondered what picture the two of you made if she were to come up and see for herself. You were both breathing heavily from exertion, your face was flushed from embarrassment, and you were mere inches from him covered in nothing but a towel that was held up merely by the force of your own grip.
“Tonks is fine, thanks,” you heard your friend correct smarmily. The stairs creaked as someone ascended them, the sound abruptly stopping as the person paused at the top. “Mind explaining why it looks like you’re accosting my scantily towel-clad friend, oh cousin of mine?”
His head swiveled towards her, eyes still dutifully covered by his hand. He nodded down at you accusingly. “She said she wasn’t coming anymore because she wasn’t feeling well. I just wanted to make sure she was alright.” He paused, head tilting to the side. “Wait, did you say she was just in a towel?”
He removed his hand from his face, blearily looking down at you as his eyes adjusted to the light. His eyes widened in shock as he registered that you were, in fact, standing in front him in, quite possibly, the smallest towel he had ever seen. It barely passed the tops of your thighs, highlighting your short legs in a way that made them seem like they went on for miles. He gulped when he noticed that the only thing keeping him from seeing anything else was the bunch of material that you held firmly in your small grasp. The last thing he saw was how the apples of your cheeks went bright red before he was filled with an armful of you as you slapped your free hand over his face, blinding him once more.
“Quit staring!”
Your face felt so hot you could swear steam was coming out of your ears. You didn’t miss the way Sirius’ eyes roamed over your body, and you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t like it. You just wish it hadn’t been while his cousin was standing there watching the two of you and his gal pal—you shuddered at the thought—was sitting downstairs waiting for him.
“I’m sorry, but did he say that you weren’t coming anymore?”
The barely concealed rage you heard in her tone was frightening. Sparing a peek at her out of the corner of your eye, you saw as the roots of her hair started to bleed a deep red color. You let out a small, ‘eep,’ before turning tail and slamming the door behind you, sequestering yourself in your room.
She stalked toward your door, briefly taking a moment to tell a still frozen Sirius to head to the party without you guys and that she’d make sure you attended even if it killed her, and not-so-gently pushed him towards the stairs, before blasting your door open with a wave of her wand.
She found you laying face down on your bed, a pillow being pressed over your head by your hands. She flopped down on her back next to you, turning her head in your direction.
“What’s going on with you?”
“I can’t do this, Nymphie!” Your voice was muffled by the pillow, but she managed to get the gist of what you were saying.
“Look, come for a little bit. For me? I promise we can spend the whole time getting tipsy and talking about how fat and old everyone has gotten.”
She smiled at the barely audible giggle you let out. You lifted a corner of the pillow so that your words came out clearly. “Oh please. Everyone is just as young and beautiful as the last time I saw them.”
She scrunched her face up in mock contemplation. “Hmm, yeah, I suppose we are.”
You rolled your eyes and laughed again, letting the pillow fall back over your face with a sigh. “It all sounds wonderful, Nymphie, really. But I can’t sit there and pretend I’m okay as I watch him fawn all day over her. It hurts too much.”
An empathetic look passed over her as she looked at your pillow covered head. “I know, babe, but you can’t let that dictate whether or not you have a good time. And who knows? You might actually find yourself getting to know and possibly end up liking her.”
You grunted in response.
She scoffed. “Yeah, I know. Fat chance, right? Crazier things have happened, though.”
You remained silent, tucking your hands under the pillow to cradle your face that had become wet with tears. You sniffled quietly, hoping that the pillow would be enough to block out the sound. The bed dipped next to you, and your body shifted into the small divot where your hip hit a hand. Your vision was suddenly awashed with light as the pillow was ripped from atop your head, and you blinked up at Nymphadora who was looking down at you, tense.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
You played dumb. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Not this time. Tell me the truth, now.”
You crossed your hands under your chin, resting your head upon them to look straight ahead at your headboard. “Do you remember how we became friends?”
“I don’t see how that—“
“Just answer me. Do you remember, yes or no?”
“Of course I remember. You had just been sorted into Hufflepuff, and decided to plop yourself into the seat right next to me. You were bright-eyed and so innocent, and you immediately endeared yourself to me by complimenting my hair. After that, I knew we were going to be—“
“No, no. That’s how we first met. I’m asking if you remember how we became friends.”
You could tell you were starting to aggravate her by the way she huffed, but it was of the utmost importance that she recalled what you wanted her to. If not, then she would never understand how much pain you were truly in.
You remembered the first time you met Delilah as clearly as if it were yesterday. You were in your first year and had decided to stay in the castle for Christmas. It wasn’t that you weren’t welcome back home, but being a muggle-born it was your first magical holiday, and you wanted to spend it surrounded by all your new magical friends. By the time you learned that everyone you thought you would be spending your holiday with was actually going home, it was too late to change your mind. Devastated but undeterred, you walked with your friends to the train station, hoping to send them off with a bright smile.
It was there you met Delilah Primwood for the first time. You were waving at your friends through the window as they settled themselves into the nearby compartment when the 6th-year Ravenclaw blew by in front of you, knocking you back onto the ground. She scoffed down her nose at you, brushing off invisible specks of dust from the front of her robes. Her friends trailed behind her, sneering at you as they passed, not bothering to lend a hand.
“How pathetic,” she had said, smirking at you. “Poor thing has no one to spend the holidays with. Her family clearly doesn’t want her around and not one of her so-called friends stayed with her. Even out of pity.”
Your eyes burned with confused tears. You didn’t even know this person, why was she being so mean to you? Because you happened to be in her way? It wasn’t your fault she didn’t look where she was walking. You roughly brushed away the tears that fell down your cheeks, still shocked silent.
“HEY!” A loud, commanding voice shouted. “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but that’s my friend you’re talking about, and I, for one, can’t wait to spend the holidays with her!”
You turned to see who had come to your rescue, knowing full well that everyone you knew was already on the train and definitely not staying, and was shocked to see the girl whose bright pink hair you complimented on your first day. Shocked, not because she was sticking up for you —you were housemates, after all, and somewhat acquaintances—but because that lovely pink hair was now a flaming red as she stalked towards you.
She pulled you to your feet and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, looking down at you with a wide smile. “Isn’t that right?”
Struck speechless by the sudden turn of events, all you could do was nod. She nodded once in affirmation, looking back at the other girls with a condescending grin.
Delilah rolled her eyes with a scoff and hopped on the train behind her friends, departing with a half-hearted, “Whatever.”
You did end up spending the whole holiday with your savior. And the rest, as they say, was history. Though you never figured out why Delilah had such an issue with you, you made sure to find out who she was and avoid her at all costs. Which brings you back to now, where Nymphadora had her head tilted in contemplation.
“Now that I think about it, are you talking about when—no. No way. Please tell me Sirius isn’t dating that...that bitch?!”
The ferocity in her voice was clear. You squeezed your eyes shut against the fresh wave of pain. “The very same.”
“No wonder you’ve been so affected by this whole thing. Not only is this the longest he’s ever dated anyone, but for it to be her of all people? Ugh, I’d be hiding out in my room if I were you, too. Do you think she remembers you?”
You shook your head vehemently. In fact, you were one hundred percent certain that she didn’t as she hadn’t even seen you yet. The first night Sirius brought her home, you managed to catch her reflection in the kitchen window, and, as you had never forgotten her face, immediately ran to your room. Ever since then, any time you knew she was coming by, you made yourself scarce like it was your job in fear of being faced with that pain again.
Even if she had met you by now, you weren’t sure if she would remember you, and that thought hurt the most. It was a horrible expreience you would never forget until the end of your days, and the idea that it was nothing more than a normal day for her? That was something you couldn’t bear to think about.
Nymphadora hopped up from the bed in determination, shifting you side to side in the process. The towel was ripped from your body, exposing you to the cold draft. You curled into yourself, grabbing at your chest and waist in an attempt to keep some modicum of modesty. “Nymphie!”
She rolled her eyes, stalking into your closet. “Please, we have the same parts, honey. Get over it.”
“Still!”
She came back from the wardrobe, an outfit folded over one arm and a pair of shoes in the other. You weren’t a fan of the plotting grin that was spreading over her lips. “Well, if that witch doesn’t remember you, we’ll make sure as shit she never forgets you.”