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Haru Glory wasn’t afraid to die. He knew, naturally, that it would find him eventually when his time had come and that would be it. Eventually, he wouldn’t be able to fight it anymore.
But damn if he hadn’t hoped for a little more time.
It was ironic in too many ways to think about. Of course he’d meet his end here, with victory just beyond his grasp. Haru closed his eyes, the darkness more familiar than the cracking white space around him, more comforting. He didn’t want to think of the irony, or the bitterness of his defeat.
“But right now…you’re the only thing I can think about.”
Her words had sung sweet melodies in his ears, reaching through the pain and the despair and everything else bubbling beneath the surface of his brave face. They always did, no matter what the situation. She was the only thing he wanted to think about now – how she had supported him throughout his journey, how she gave him the courage to keep going no matter how difficult it was.
Haru had never known a girl like Elie before their rather unceremonious introduction. She stood next to him with her somewhat poor judgment and naïve curiosity of the world without shame or fear. But, behind a cheerful smile and an impressive temper, she held a burden so close to her heart that it was a wonder it hadn’t crushed her. Yet there she stood throughout every battle and every loss, an unwavering pillar of strength, no matter who or what the enemy was. It had been the first thing he’d noticed about her, really. Who else would have gone crashing down into the stadium, firing off blasters indiscriminately, all to save a bug? Elie was weird and wonderful and he loved that first about her long before he had accepted it.
In hindsight, he had never stood a chance. The second she turned those big brown eyes on him, Haru had been wrapped right around her little finger, willing to find her in the dark and the rain and everything beyond.
When she disappeared after the thunder-man to chase what little she knew of herself, he had been presented with a cruel reminder that he did not know this girl nearly as well as he might have thought. It scared him in a way he hadn’t known how to describe, that he might lose her so soon. And after it was all said and done and the situation turned out to be a misunderstanding, Haru and decided right there that he wanted to know her more.
The more he learned, the more he loved. And the more excuses he made.
The first one came directly after they had stopped Etherion from bursting out of her in order to stop Sieg from killing her. He had knelt down next to her and told her in no uncertain terms that he loved her simply for who she was. The words felt real and right in his mouth, like a chorus to a song he wanted to sing forever. Haru had half hoped she didn’t remember him saying it, hoped she was too far gone in the pain and delirium to realize what he had said. But then she gave him this smile later, coy and fragile, and while she had said nothing, he knew.
Haru panicked. Back-tracked, to himself, over the fear that he had crossed a line he wasn’t meant to. So came the first excuse; she was just a friend.
Not a good excuse, not by a long shot, but he clung to it desperately. Anything to break away from the looming feeling that if he pushed it harder, their friendship would crumble beneath the weight of something neither of them were prepared for. Just a friend, just a friend, a mantra repeated to himself whenever he let his thoughts wander too far. And Elie, with her insistence on wearing short skirts and tank tops into every battle they found themselves in, did not make it very easy to keep his thoughts in just a friend mode.
But he was determined and Elie never brought it up again, so the excuse persisted and he pushed onwards, letting his mind focus on the mission at hand. They have Rave Stones to find, and teenage hormones weren’t going to stop him.
It was after he buried his father that he found himself making his second excuse.
Elie sat beside him with homemade cookies and, for the first time since he had gone storming the Tower, made him laugh. It felt normal, for just a couple minutes. As if the world had not crashed down alongside them not too long ago.
Haru wanted to cling to that feeling. To forget what he was mourning and step back into the world before Gale and King and the history of Demon Card, if only for a few moments. Maybe he would have, if not for the appearance of the family photograph, a copy of the one both he and Cattleya kept framed in their bedrooms.
He wasn’t sure what exactly it was that shattered the delicate peace they had created, whether it be the reminder that he was gone for good or the realization that he would have mourn the man for the second time. But when Haru cracked apart at the seams, it was Elie who oh so softly reassured him that it was okay to be sad. He didn’t have to hide, not from her.
So he clung instead to her, to the reminder that he was not yet truly alone. For the first time in his life, Haru allowed himself to simply mourn – his parents, King, even King’s family. He sobbed into her shoulder and screamed that it wasn’t fair until his voice was hoarse.
And all the while, Elie held him and rubbed his back and said nothing. His pillar of strength, no matter what.
Later that night, long after his breakdown, Haru realized that if it had been anyone else to bring him cookies, he wouldn’t have let himself be so vulnerable. Only she made him feel so comfortable, even when he was grief stricken.
It terrified him.
To have another person have such an impact on him terrified him. When he thought of the future, it was impossible not to imagine Elie right there beside him; but always as a friend. A companion, a constant in his journey. Having her beside him was a given. But for her to be something more? That terrified him.
And so came the second excuse; he wasn’t ready for more. Simple as that.
Maybe later, when the hurt wasn’t so crushing and the future was a bit less muddled, he could think about more. Why did they have to become more, anyways? Was he so selfish as to ask for something greater than everything she had given him so far? Elie trusted him, had put her life in his hands and protected his in her own. It was enough. It had to be, for Haru would give it no other option.
Haru clung to that for months, the entire time they waited for Musica’s recovery and then some. Thoughts of feelings or what they meant had been pushed quite thoroughly to the back of his thoughts, replaced by a singular focus in training, in becoming stronger.
Their journey didn’t seem willing to give him time for any other thoughts, anyways. First there was the casino, then there was Symphonia and Lucia. Haru had almost slipped again, almost admitted too much in the delirium of pain and failure. Almost admitted it again later, driven by his anger.
Lucia made her cry, so he would fight.
There had been no declaration of feelings, no attempt to step back from the sentiment. It was statement of fact, not feelings.
So he told himself. It was only later, well after their battles underwater and then on Doryu’s flying fortress that Haru even considered the implications of that statement, what it meant to be so angered by her tears. As much as he would have loved little more than to continue clinging to his she’s just a friend and I’m not ready anyways, the answer presented itself far too quickly for him to deny;
He loved her. Loved her for everything that she was. As hard as he had tried to stamp it down and bury the feelings as they tried to bud, Haru still loved her. He caught himself sneaking glances in between the battles, found himself flustered when she was near. It had been inevitable, regardless of how much he had tried to avoid it anyways. Thoughts like just a friend and I’m not ready hardly seemed to matter now. Friend or more, ready or not, he loved her.
More than once, he thought about telling her. He expected nothing in return, not really, but that was what you were supposed to do with feelings, weren’t you? But there was always something else. Another enemy blocking their path, another battle to be won. Their journey had not – could not – stop for something like feelings, after all.
The journey came first. Collecting the Rave Stones, defeating Lucia, all of it. There was no question about that, and no hesitation in the decision. For now, Haru would focus on doing what he needed to do. More could come later, if she wanted. But not now. Not until they had done their duty and found the last Rave Stone and defeated Lucia.
Until then, Haru resolved to content himself with having her near, with being so lucky as to have her friendship. It would be enough for now.
Haru knew it had been the right decision to make, pushing his newfound feelings for her to the side for now. After gaining the third Rave Stone, it seemed like their journey knew no peace. Every time they secured a victory for one thing, three more problems popped up.
Though he’d have preferred a distraction with a little less fighting and thinking comrades were dead, Haru was grateful for it all the same. It reminded him what was important and what could wait for a few more months. Shuda called it naiveté and maybe he was right, but Haru was certain that they would have a chance to discuss feelings after the final battle. And, in the wake of Shiba’s death and then returning to the past to uncover Elie’s memories and everything that came after, Haru clung to it. Desperately.
Believing that everyone would make it through the final battle was a lifeline he needed. They had lost too many people already, and he could not allow himself to think for even a second that he’d lose one more.
Especially not Elie.
He watched her now from across the bar, eyes drawn to her like a moth to a flame. If Musica asked, he’d say he was just looking out for her after a tumultuous few days. It would be an easy enough story to buy, he had always been a bit protective of her when it came to using Etherion. While she struggled to recombine the Rave Stones, he forced himself to stay away. He knew that if he went in there to check on her or bring her some water and saw the state she was in, he’d take the Rave Stones back and tell her it wasn’t worth her pain. Musica knew that.
Unfortunately for him, Musica also knew that he was not just watching her because he was still worried.
It felt as if their entire journey had built up to this. The shared smiles, the close calls, even the smallest moments together, all complied up around them as their friends forced the confession out of him. It wasn’t the way he’d have wanted to confess, however, and when Elie breathed fire and ruined Musica and Julia’s little scheme, Haru was just a tiny bit thankful.
He wanted to tell her. Now, later, whenever. But he didn’t want it to be done because of his friends’ drunken antics. No, he would tell her on his terms. After the final battle, when victory was won and the world would be theirs to return to.
After the battle, he kept telling himself. He just needed to wait a little longer.
He should have told her sooner.
There had been so many opportunities, so many better chances. Now they were stuck worlds apart, and he wouldn’t get the chance. Maybe it was better this way, Haru tried to tell himself. Maybe it was better that she didn’t know.
Would it make it any easier, her not knowing? He had heard the anguish in her voice, the desperation as he begged him not to make her do this. No, he doubted it was any easier this way.
It was what needed to be done. But never before had the right thing been so difficult to accomplish.
Haru watched her move even as more tears filled his eyes. He wasn’t afraid to die, not really. But he regretted waiting. He regretted all the almost confessions, and he regretted thinking for even a second that there would be more time. The universe had shown him, again and again, that time was a precious thing. He should have told her sooner, should have told her as soon as he realized it himself.
“That’s exactly why you must save this world.”
It was too late to tell her. He had made his mistakes and whether he wanted to or not, he would accept his death knowing that. But not her. Not if he could help it.
“We were brought together on this world… If this world goes, then our love will fade away with it.”
He closed his eyes and allowed himself to imagine that he could hold her. Just this one last time, just for this moment. If he could give her nothing else, then let him give her this.
“Don’t let our love fade. Save this world, Elie!”
The words felt like sandpaper on the way up, the shards of his broken heart scratching his throat on the way up. Haru wanted to kick and fight and scream to the heavens that this wasn’t fair. How could the universe bring them together – through time, no less! – only to deny them this? Tears fell down his face as he forced himself to acknowledge that the universe had given him plenty of chances.
That he would die with his regrets was his own fault. He thought back to all his petty excuses, all the reasons he had devised to avoid telling her how he felt. They all seemed so silly in hindsight. Now, all he wanted to do was find her and hold her and whisper his love to her over and over again.
And instead of that, he was going to die.
He saw the light of Etherion as it swelled, could almost feel its raw power as Elie poured all of her magic into the staff. This was the only way to prevent Overdrive, the last step in protecting this world for the rest of time. Even now, he couldn’t help but admire her strength – not just because of Etherion. She was so brave, so much stronger than he could ever hope to be. He knew, no matter how much he didn’t want to, that if the roles were reversed, he would not have had the strength to do what she was doing.
“I…I love you, Haru!”
Despite himself, he felt the warmth in his chest as she said it. Felt the happiness flicker amid all the regrets and poor decisions. He had waited too long, but for this moment, it seemed just knowing was enough.
As the light around him grew blinding, Haru felt himself smile.
“I love you too, Elie.”