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You heaved out a sigh, finding yourself at the edge of one of the training platforms at the watchpoint. It was late at night, the place silent and the wind was starting to bite, but you found yourself settled near the edge of the cliff holding on to one of the railings.
Everything was too much and not enough at the same time. You never were one for idle time, but with the expectations of the smaller, yet new, Overwatch team assembling, there was an added pressure onto everything. When you didn’t have any active assignments and could only loiter around the base you found yourself getting antsy, while on the other hand when there were important assignments to complete, you never felt like you could measure up to the task. Tonight, a particular sense of malaise washed over you.
It hurt you a lot, you realized. Your whole life you had been conditioned to believe that you had to prove that you were worth something. In moments like these it was easy to allow your mind to drift down a rocky path, but tonight you just weren’t feeling it. Exhaustion crept through your bones when you exhaled. All you wanted to do was sleep but unfortunately your insomnia had other plans for you. So instead, you resorted to gazing up at the stars that were shimmering up in the night sky.
It was funny, you often thought to yourself, that all of one’s problems could seem so huge in their lives when they were in fact infinitesimal. Every night, the stars would always be present and the sky would always be waiting. Nothing changed, so why does it sometimes feel like the world would come crashing down? You reasoned that you have probably been spending too much time conversing with Zenyatta at this point, but your discussions always left you feeling better about yourself. Maybe you should seek him out for more philosophical discussions so you could satiate the existential crises that always seemed to pop up on nights like these.
“Now what’re you doing out here this late at night?” The sound of a metal door creaking followed by footsteps startled you out of your thoughts as a certain cowboy stepped through.
“Oh you know me, just getting a head start on my morning training.” You gave a half-hearted laugh and with one look Cole Cassidy saw right through your weak charade. He made his way over to where you were and rested his back against the wall. You spared him a glance, finding it almost endearing how he looked disheveled from what you assumed was sleep. “What brings you out here?” You asked, tilting your head to the side a bit before you resumed staring up into the sky.
“Couldn’t sleep, needed a drink, saw the door open, now I’m here.” He gave a noncommittal shrug and kept looking at you. A soft silence fell over both of you, the quiet night making you feel like the two of you were the only living beings around. After a few minutes, you let out another deep sigh and dropped your forehead against the cold railing.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” You groaned. Every last bit of energy that held you together seemed to escape as you slumped down. “You think you know, but then reality hits you and you don’t. It’s all so stressful and I miss feeling like I was a good person.”
“First off, I ain’t never met anyone as good as you. I’ve known a lot of nasty people in my life and you, darlin’, are a breath of fresh air.” You looked over as he spoke, only to see him giving you one of his trademark smirks which caused you to snort in return.
“If you say so,” You hummed softly, still not fully believing him. “There are so many people out there though, people who are better than me. So many others deserve to be in my position and all I feel like I do is fuck it up. Sometimes it’s hard to feel like I’m meant to be here.” You were trying to hold it together as best as you could, but your voice betrayed you by cracking halfway through your sentence.
He took a moment to take in your words, not knowing that this is how you’ve felt for a while. You’ve only briefly talked about your insecurities before, but usually you would either change the subject or just flee the situation in general. He mulled over what to say as a response for a few moments before settling on something. “Well, you may not be perfect, but nobody ever is. You’re one of the most hard-workin’ people I know, and I know for a fact that no matter what you were good at that you would still be here with us…” He trailed off for a moment while your gaze was still pointed out in the distance. When he studied your face for a few moments, he noticed that you had a glassy look forming in your eyes. He didn’t know what you experienced that made you think this way about yourself, but he wanted to prove to you that you were always welcome to be around.
“... You’re really good at makin’ people laugh y’know? I heard the ninja say the other day that he was lookin’ forward to bein’ able to joke around with ya again when we got back from a mission. Lena talked my ear off the other day ‘bout how good you were at helpin’ her out with some things in the romance department. I know that doesn’t help with everythin’ you’re worried about but we all love seein’ ya around base…” He took another moment to pause, swallowing heavily before continuing, “And I really do love havin’ you ‘round lots.”
You felt tears beginning to leak from the corner of your eyes as you slowly turned your body towards him. Your eyes began to scan his face to see if you could pinpoint any doubt on his features, but you could only see sincerity in his expression.
Without a moment to process what you were doing, you leapt forward and wrapped your arms around his body. He was stunned for a moment but soon returned the gesture back, enveloping his arms around you and squeezing gently. In that moment, you let everything go. The waterworks had begun and there was no way in hell it was going to stop anytime soon. You pressed your face into his shirt, somehow attempting to take in his comforting scent but also trying not to wet the fabric too much (but it was already too late for that).
Cole held you while you sobbed, doing his best to comfort you. It became clear that you had been holding back a lot of your emotions just for the sake of appearing like you had it together for everyone else. He pressed soft kisses onto the top of your head, holding and swaying with you as you continued to cry your emotions out.
After a while, your muffled voice broke him out of his thoughts, “Did you really mean that?”
“‘Course I did, I would never lie to ya. No matter what you may be feelin’ know that you’re a valuable part of this team. We’re the closest thing you can get to havin’ a family ‘round here, and we’ll always be there for you as best as we can.” He slowly released you from his hold, but before you could feel sad about the loss of contact, he reached for one of your hands and gave it a comforting squeeze.
“Thank you Cole,” You took your other hand and did the best you could to wipe the mess of tears off of your face. “God, I probably look like a wet rat right now.”
“Nah, you could never look anythin’ short of beautiful.” Cole Cassidy was always known to be quick on the draw.
“Oh, you charmer.” You couldn’t restrain the eye roll that found its way to your features, but you squeezed his hand back to let him know that you appreciated it. Both of you stood in a comfortable silence, taking time to observe the situation and process the words that had been exchanged.
“I-” You hesitated, rocking on both of your feet a bit, “Thank you.” You took a deep breath before continuing on, “Thanks for everything, sometimes things just get so overwhelming that I overlook the things in front of me that are good.”
Feeling particularly brave, you stood on the tip of your toes and pressed a tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. You couldn’t contain the breathy laugh that escaped your lips as he smiled widely at you, “Really Cole, thanks so much.”
“Don’ mention it, darlin’. Even if I could go anywhere else in the world, I would only wanna be by your side.” He did a theatrical bow before leaning in to properly kiss you. When he pulled back, it was your turn to think that you couldn’t smile any wider.
“Now whaddya say to tryin’ to get some sleep now. If it would help ya feel more comfortable you could stay with me.” He gave you a warm look. A look that made you feel safety and home, which was something that you desired for a long time.
“I think I’d like that very much,” You smiled sweetly as he began to step forward with your permission. Sometimes nights may be difficult, but with moments like these you’re reminded that there will always be good times. You just have to deal with some bad times to get to them.