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It had been a late night idea, an idea that could have been passed off as random, but it kept Ango awake all night.
Odasaku and him hadn’t been married for long, it still felt unreal for Ango to call Odasaku his husband instead of his boyfriend, so when they had turned in for the night, climbing into bed and all, it had shocked Ango immensely when his husband suddenly muttered under his breath, “I want a kid.”
There was a long silence after that, and Ango didn’t know how long he had been staring at Odasaku’s sleeping face before he finally registered the words in his head. He had instantly panicked, but he didn’t have the heart to wake the other up to confirm if Odasaku was serious or not, which led Ango to lie awake all night thinking about the possibility of raising a child with Odasaku.
For one, Ango wasn’t good with kids, Odasaku was more accustomed to domestic things than he was, and Ango got worried about not being much help if- when they do get a kid. He’d be a useless dad. The most he could probably do was teach their child reading, but that was it.
Odasaku was a nursery caretaker for goodness sake, he probably didn’t need Ango’s help, but then that would make Ango feel bad.
When morning came, there were heavy bags under Ango’s eyes, and he looked like he could fall over any moment. He reassured Odasaku that it was nothing caffeine couldn’t fix and ended up being physically forced back into bed. They were lucky it was a Saturday, so Odasaku didn’t have to go to work and was free to look after Ango all day, even though the only thing wrong with Ango was the lack of sleep he got last night.
After a long, long nap, Ango felt refreshed enough to start moving around again and greeted Odasaku with a kiss on the cheek. Refreshed or not, he still went on to make himself a cup of coffee, and as he did, Odasaku poked him on the back with a deadpan look.
“What kept you up last night?” He asked, genuinely clueless.
This made Ango’s ears burn up, and he continued facing away from Odasaku as he answered, “You said something last night and I couldn’t sleep thinking about it.”
“What did I say?”
Oh jeez. Ango wasn’t a middle schooler, yet he felt embarrassed just thinking about it, and brought his cup of coffee up to his face to gently blow at it to take a sip. He finally turned around, cup still half covering his face, and spoke, “You said you wanted a child.”
Odasaku blinked, and for a moment, Ango thought he was going to ask if he really said that, but was responded by something even worse; “Ah. Yeah. I do want a kid.”
So it really came to this, there was possibly no way Ango could avoid adopting a child with Odasaku. Not because Odasaku was stubborn, but because Ango knew his husband loved kids, and it’d break his heart to see Odasaku’s look of disappointment if Ango was to say no.
Then Odasaku continued, tilting his head to the side like a lost puppy, “Ango. Were you distressed because two guys can’t have a kid? Since we don’t have...y’know. We can adopt.”
“I know!” Ango exclaimed, bringing his cup down, face flushing. “I was just worried that it will be difficult since I’m not good with children.”
“Oh.” Odasaku said, his hands trailing up to Ango’s to hold the mug with them. Then he lowered his head and tilted the mug so he could take a sip of the coffee, and muttered softly. “It’ll be fine. You’ll make a great dad, promise.”
Ango huffed, bumping his forehead against Odasaku’s, “Then don’t blame me if the kid ends up favoring you over me.”
Dazai Osamu was a whole different kid once he was comfortable within their home.
The first time the couple had met Dazai, he was a quiet fourteen-year old boy with bandaids that littered all over his soft skin. They were surprised when they found out Dazai came with some “precautions” and were asked if they were really sure if they wanted to adopt Dazai.
When they confirmed that, yes, they did want to adopt Dazai, the staff actually looked relieved in a way.
They didn’t quite get why Dazai was a handful, since during the process of adoption, Dazai barely did anything. But they soon understood why as time went by as bits and pieces of Dazai’s personality began to reveal.
The first thing they learnt was that Dazai was very playful, with his actions and his words, and on his first morning in being in his new home, he had jumped on his new parents’ beds. It was definitely way more efficient than an alarm, since it immediately caused Odasaku to sit up straight, if it weren’t for the fact that it was four in the morning.
They were already told that Dazai was extremely intelligent, so it was expected that he often had smart comebacks every time Ango tried to tell him to quit doing something. Odasaku was a lot patient and nicer towards Dazai, and as predicted, it caused the boy to cling onto the man more.
Unfortunately, it also meant Odasaku was always the victim of Dazai’s jokes, where the boy would make an offhanded quip with a serious look and Odasaku would actually believe it until Ango told him otherwise.
Other things they noticed about Dazai was his habit of going off-topic or purposely ignoring questions about him, as if he didn’t want them knowing more about him, which didn’t make much sense since they were his parents now. They respected his privacy anyway,
But none of these things could possibly beat the time both parents had to excuse themselves from work to rush over to Dazai’s school after getting a call from the principal.
They had barged into the office and the first thing Odasaku did was hold Dazai’s face dearly to check if he was okay while Ango talked to the principal with a frantic tone, “What happened?”
“Your son,” the principal said, slightly taken aback by the reactions, “tried to jump off the school’s roof. Though, he miraculously survived after safely landing on a soft surface.”
“Sprained my wrist though!” Dazai waved his hand to show the bandages, his face still tightly held onto by Odasaku.
“He’ll have to visit the school’s counselor starting from today, but I think it’s good you two have a talk with him when you get home,” the principal said slowly, watching Ango’s eyebrows furrow in thought. Dazai narrowed his eyes at the man, making the principal squirm in his seat.
“Aw, that’s boring,” Dazai whined, pulling out of Odasaku’s grip and placing his injured hand over his forehead. It didn’t change their mind.
They talked a bit more after that, and when they were finally out of the school compound, Dazai let out the biggest yawn before breaking into hysterical laughter.
At that moment, Ango wondered if that was the precaution they had warned about.
“You know, you know, he didn’t expect you two to show up,” Dazai said, throwing his hands behind his back and smiling widely. “He thought you would be Mr and Mrs Dazai, you know? And when he saw your names, he was very surprised, it was hilarious!”
“Please don’t tell me you jumped off the roof just because you wanted the principal to see us,” Ango frowned, truly worried about his son’s wellbeing.
“If that’s how you want to think it,” Dazai hummed.
The parent sighed. Another vague answer.
Odasaku stayed silent the whole time, even after they got home, presumably still shocked about the fact that Dazai could’ve died. Ango didn’t really know what to do except hold him close whenever he got the chance, bumping shoulders with him, placing a hand on his, and Odasaku smiled each time.
“Do you want to read a book before bed?” Ango asked, right after making sure Dazai was properly asleep in bed. He strolled over to the bookshelf in their room, running his hands over the spines slowly to see which one Odasaku wanted.
His husband took a moment to register the question and make a decision, and nodded his head when Ango stopped his hand at the book he wanted. He still looked a bit bothered, so Ango hoped the book would completely cheer Odasaku up before they went to sleep, because he’d hate to have Odasaku go to bed with an upset mind.
Climbing into bed with the book and cuddling close to Odasaku, Ango flipped to the first page so they could start reading. Their reading pace was usually the same, so they never had any troubles accidentally flipping to the next page too fast. But after getting through about thirty-five pages, Ango finally took notice that Odasaku wasn’t reacting to any of the scenes that he’d usually react to.
“Am I going too fast?” Ango said, pausing and lowering the book.
Odasaku blinked, shaking his head, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t- I wasn’t--”
“It’s fine,” Ango smiled softly, closing the book. “Do you want to talk?”
“I’m just...worried for him,” Odasaku sighed, sliding down so he was leaning his head against the propped up pillow. “I didn’t think he was the type to do this.”
“Honestly I wished they had properly warned us instead of vaguely telling us,” Ango muttered, sliding down as well. “Not that it would change our mind, right?”
“He’s a good kid, he’s a really good kid. But I think…” Odasaku fully laid his head on the pillow, turning so he was facing Ango. “He feels lonely. Perhaps he’s tired of this world because he’s too smart to struggle and became bored of living?”
“If we weren’t talking about Dazai Osamu, I would’ve called that poetic,” Ango replied, adjusting himself so his forehead was pressed against Odasaku’s.
“I want him to be more open with us though, I only learnt that fact after today, and it makes me think I’m...not trying hard enough as a parent,” Odasaku whispered, eyes filled with sorrow for his dear son.
“He loves you.” Ango said firmly, grabbing Odasaku’s. “If that doesn’t mean you’re doing good, that I don’t know what is.”
The redhead huffed in laughter, sitting up slightly to peck Ango on the cheek, and took his glasses, folding them and placing them on the nightstand, “Thank you. Really. I’ll talk to him tomorrow morning, is that okay?”
“Of course,” Ango yawned. “Turn the lights off for me?”
“M’kay.”
“Good morning, Odasaku! Ango.” Dazai waved them over to the table, where breakfast was freshly made for them. It was strange seeing him this up early in the morning since his parents were usually the first to awake.
This was the first time Dazai had done anything like this, so Ango had to rub his eyes before blinking rapidly at the table, adjusting his glasses a few times to make sure he was seeing things clearly. Then he took a step forward and touched his chair, “When did you learn how to cook?”
“I watch Odasaku cook,” Dazai said, like the answer was obvious.
“Wait, just from that?” Ango blinked again, rather baffled. Besides the fact that Dazai had never once touched a single kitchenware, the boy’s wrist was sprained as well, so Ango found it twice as impressive. Yet he remained worried for Dazai, just a little.
“Mhm.” Dazai nodded, gesturing the two to dig in. “I’m sure I did nothing wrong, so it should taste exactly like Odasaku’s.”
“Exactly,” Ango snorted, finding the exaggeration quite funny, until he actually took a bite. “Oh.”
Odasaku did the same, and his only reaction was to shoot Dazai a proud smile, “It’s nice. Thank you.” Then he took another bite and pondered for a minute, before glancing at Dazai slowly. “Do you want to...talk about yesterday?”
“What’s there to say? I tried to commit suicide and failed, that’s that.” Dazai shrugged, quickly shutting the topic down.
“If you’re troubled, you can always talk to me. You know I love you, Osamu.” Odasaku insisted, which earned a soft laugh from Dazai.
“Of course.”
“Oh, oh! Let’s try a rollercoaster!” Dazai pointed, cotton candy in hand, still happily biting on it.
It was their first time going out as a family together, and technically Dazai’s first time going out somewhere fun as a whole, so they wanted to enjoy the day as much as possible before it ended. But since Dazai was a bit of a handful, they couldn’t do much if the rides Dazai wanted to take or the games he wanted to play were considered dangerous by Ango.
Ango and Odasaku exchanged glances, silently debating whether that was a safe ride or not. Currently, the teacup ride wasn’t safe, because Odasaku had managed to catch Dazai mumbling under his breath, “I’ll jump out when I see a teacup spinning close to us.” So were the bumper cars, for obvious reasons, and any form of shooting games weren’t allowed either.
“Oh come on, it’s not like I have the strength to remove the safety things,” Dazai gestured to his chest to describe what he was talking about, then went back to stuffing his face with cotton candy.
“Ango?” Odasaku said, raising a brow. “I’m not--”
“Yeah, I’ll go.” Ango sighed, nodding. He knew Odasaku wasn’t fond of rollercoasters, they went once and Odasaku never wanted to go on another ever again. Ango wasn’t a complete roller coaster fanatic, but he didn’t mind them either.
Dazai almost looked disappointed that Odasaku wasn’t the one accompanying him, but quickly lit back up at the thought of going onto the fast ride. He finished up his cotton candy and flicked the stick into the nearest bin despite the considerably far distance -about five feet away or so- and raised his hands up in the air to cheer, “Let’s go!”
After waving goodbye to Odasaku, who offered he’d get something for them to eat when they were done, the two queued for the rollercoaster ride together. The wait was mostly silent, since Dazai was more attached to Odasaku, but after about a few minutes or so, Dazai finally cracked and spoke, “How did the two of you meet?”
“Hm?” Ango looked down from the sky, he had opted to watch the clouds while he waited to keep himself busy. He blushed lightly, scratching his cheek. “At the library, four years ago. He was a regular when he wasn’t working, and sometimes I’d recommend some books for him.”
“Oh yeah. Odasaku wants to be a writer, doesn’t he?” Dazai asked, smiling widely. He remembered hearing Odasaku mentioning offhandedly that he wanted to learn how to write so he could create stories.
“Yeah, and I was sort of a writer back then. Still am, but I don’t write as much as I used to,” Ango continued, taking a few more steps forward as the line began to shorten. “I guess that was what brought Odasaku closer to me.”
“He gets turned on by writers then.”
Ango gasped, lightly smacking Dazai on the back of his head, “Do not say that! That is highly inappropriate! We are in public, Dazai Osamu.”
“Nobody heard us, don’t worry,” Dazai reassured, and was promptly responded with a cough by a stranger behind them. Ango had never looked so done before.
“Look! It’s Odasaku!” Dazai pointed, right as the rollercoaster reached its peak and was about to drop.
“Where?” Ango squinted, leaning slightly to search the crowd for his husband.
Then the drop came and Ango’s glasses nearly flew off. He wondered if Dazai did that on purpose.
“Well? How was the ride?” Odasaku asked, holding a disposable plate of takoyakis for them.
“So fun!” Dazai exclaimed with enthusiasm, his eyes twinkling brightly. Then he paused when Odasaku held a hand out to straighten out Dazai’s ruffled hair. The boy grinned, his expression almost like a little kid, and reached over to grab one of the takoyakis with a toothpick.
“Fine,” Ango rubbed his face, flattening his hair in case it was sticking out weirdly. Odasaku laughed through his nose and pushed Ango’s glasses up for him when the man’s hands were brought back down.
“I’m glad you two had fun.” Odasaku smiled, then poked a takoyaki and held it out for Ango, who instinctively leaned forward to eat it. The redhead looked over the crowd, wondering what they should do next, and gazed towards his side where Dazai was, “What do you want to do nex-- Osamu?”
Ango leaned to the side, looking around Odasaku, where Dazai should’ve been, but the boy was gone. He blanched, straightening up and stood on his toes, “Osamu?” Then he cupped his hands in front of his mouth. “Osamu?!”
“DAZAI OSAMU!” Odasaku yelled, which startled Ango since his husband was always soft spoken. Passerbys nearby shot him a weird look as he began moving and looking around for his son, frantically asking anyone around them if they’ve seen their son; “He’s about this tall, messy brown hair, bandaids around his arms and neck, one on his cheek.”
Ango followed after him, looking around as well, and asked some people if they’ve seen Dazai too. Like a cat, Dazai had somehow passed through the crowd nimbly without being seen, which made it harder for the two to find them.
Odasaku actually looked panicked for once, and the last time he had expressed this much worry, it was a long, long time ago back when they were still dating. He tended to keep his cool during stressful situations, but this was beyond stressful for him. Ango could tell.
They continued searching until their legs were sore from walking and jogging and their shoulders hurt from bumping into too many people. The takoyaki Odasaku had bought was long forgotten, yet still in his hand and possibly very cold.
It was only when they spotted a familiar black jacket did they finally calmed down, relieved that their son was okay, but Ango was mostly ticked off that he had run off without their permission and worried them sick. When the boy came into clear view, he was talking to a redhead, possibly around his age, with his arm around the person.
He looked annoyed, while Dazai ravished in his irritation.
“Dazai Osamu,” Ango growled, arms folded and brows furrowed.
“Oh, those are my dads!” Dazai said, looking completely normal despite the situation he was in. He knew he was going to get grounded when he got home. “Oda Sakunosuke, Sakaguchi Ango. Odasaku, Ango, this is my friend from school--”
“We are not friends,” the ginger growled, seemingly having given up on trying to remove Dazai’s arm around his shoulders.
“--Nakahara Chuuya!” Dazai completed, ignoring Chuuya’s interruption.
“That’s nice, but please don’t run off without telling us again,” Odasaku pleaded, huffing slightly from all that running. He was sweating, not only from exhaustion, but from worry as well.
“I won’t do it again!” Dazai promised, which almost sounded fake, and reached over to take one of the cold takoyakis to munch on. Chuuya scrunched up his nose in disgust. “Cold. Just like a dead body. How I long to be like that.”
“I feel sorry that your parents have to deal with you everyday,” Chuuya scoffed, and finally threw Dazai’s arm off him. “Do not talk to me ever again, mackerel.”
“Oh I will!” Dazai chimed, waving goodbye, and sighed deeply. “Isn’t he beautiful? I would love to commit double suicide with him one day.”
“We are going home and you are very much grounded,” Ango said firmly, still pretty mad, but also concerned about the thing Dazai had just said. He could never understand how Dazai’s head works, never.
“Ah, shit.”
“Language!”
“Odaaasaaakuuuuu~” Dazai chimed, arms waving about from the entrance of the library. Ango furrowed his brows and shot Dazai an annoyed look, placing a finger on his lips.
“Samu, you’re in the library, keep your voice down.” Ango hissed, watching as Dazai dropped his school bag on the book check-out counter, where Ango was stationed at for work. The father raised an eyebrow at the school bag, expecting for Dazai to get a clue and take the bag away, but the boy had already run off to where Odasaku was.
The man in question was watching over a group of small toddlers in the kid’s corner of the library, they all looked a mixture of bored and excited, since they had been to the library already countless times. It was easy to tell that him bringing the kids over was his excuse of wanting to see Ango at work, which nobody could really blame him for. At least the children are learning to read better.
“Osamu, you’re done with school already?” Odasaku looked up from a book he was reading with one of the children, who was sitting on his leg and following his finger as he traced the words.
“Yep! How many times have you been to the library with the kids already?” Dazai nodded, looking around at the kids, who were staring at him warily while scooting closer to Odasaku.
“Um,” Odasaku’s ears went a little red from embarrassment, before the kid on his leg suddenly raised their arm, holding up five fingers.
“Five! Five times!” They exclaimed loudly and Odasaku hushed them since they were in the library, his arm that was hooked around them to prevent them from falling off his leg patted them gently.
“You don’t mind if I stay then, right?” Dazai snorted at the child’s words, walking around Odasaku, which caused the children to scurry away from him more. He found it funny how they parted away from him as if they were two south-pole magnets, and continued to subtly chase after them until he was satisfied.
Odasaku shook his head, gesturing the book in his hand around, “Maybe you could read one of the kids a book? How about it, huh? Do you want onii-san to read a book for you?” He looked around at his children, who all began to grab onto him, giving him vague answers by just staring back.
“Oh. Hey, maybe the library has that book I’ve always wanted to read,” Dazai said, straightening up and scanning around the area.
Odasaku smiled, Dazai had never shown much interest in books before, despite the number of bookshelves they had at home, so he was rather surprised to hear his son get excited about a book, “What is it called?”
“The Complete Guide to Suicide!”
His father closed his eyes slowly, before reopening them, “Pardon?”
“Well, I’ll be off now!” Dazai waved goodbye, venturing off to the forest of shelves.
Odasaku blinked once again, then made eye contact with Ango, who had watched the whole thing unfold from his counter, and they had a silent conversation. It ended with Ango sighing and shooting Odasaku an ‘okay’ sign with his thumb and finger, and gestured a boy over -who worked part time at the library- to watch over the check-out station for him.
“I won’t be long, Poe,” Ango reassured as the boy sat down. “Hopefully.”
Poe only shot Ango an awkward lopsided smile in response, then Ango proceeded to search for Dazai within the library to check up on him.
Despite having memorized the routes in the library, Ango still found it difficult to find Dazai, and had to go back and forth many, many times to search for him. He ended up finding Dazai at the last place Ango thought the boy would go to, which was a spot particularly far away from the books.
He sat in front of a large window, where one could see the sunshine leak through the glass panes, and he stared forward with his back against it. His feet kicked lightly, with one of them pressed against his chest, and flicked his eyes towards Ango when the man stepped closer.
“It’s a wonderful view from here,” Dazai said, drawing his head back so it bumped against the window. Ango didn’t quite get him at first, until he moved even closer and leaned over to see what Dazai was staring at.
Right between two children's bookcases, angled just right, was Odasaku gently reading a book to a different child. A small smile tugged at his lips, which parted gently each time he read the book slowly for the child to understand, and Ango could only think about how much he wanted to press his own lips against his husband’s soft ones.
He must’ve been blushing pretty obviously because Dazai started snickering loudly at him and he huffed, turning to face Dazai again, “Did you find the book you want?”
“Of course not, I got bored of searching,” Dazai shrugged, crossing one leg over the other. He tilted forward, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his palm. “Must be wonderful, falling in love.”
“It is,” Ango sighed, folding his arms and shooting Dazai a knowing smirk. “What about Nakahara? Don’t you fancy him?” Finally, something the parent could get the upper hand in.
“Oh, I could never.” Dazai declined, laughing lightly.
“Never date? We’re not stopping you,” Ango raised his brows, a tad bit confused. The thing was, both Odasaku and Ango knew Dazai had been on dates before, with countless of girls, they just didn’t say anything about it because both parties thought it was already known knowledge between them.
“I could never afford to open up to someone as much as the both of you do to each other,” Dazai smiled, then he hopped off the window ledge and skipped towards Odasaku, ambushing his father from behind with a hug.
Ango was left there to stare, blinking in surprise. That was possibly the most sincere and honest thing Dazai had ever said.
“But we’re your parents,” Ango said, not loud enough for Dazai to hear, yet he hoped his son could catch it.
It was when Dazai sneezed and nearly topped over the whole dining table when Odasaku finally decided that Dazai was in no shape to go to school.
The boy had already looked sick when he first woke up, sniffling and dragging his feet around the house, but when either parents tried to feel his forehead for his temperature, he’d immediately sway away or swat their hands aside. So they could never tell for sure until now.
“You stay home and watch over him, call me if anything happens,” Ango instructed Odasaku, grabbing Dazai’s wrist after catching him trying to sneak out again. His eye twitched in irritation, glancing over at Dazai. “Dazai Osamu you are not leaving your bed until you’re healthy again.”
“Aw man, but I’m fine,” Dazai complained, trying to shake Ango’s hand off his wrist.
“This is what you get for trying to drown yourself in the riverbank, it’s a good thing someone pulled you out,” Ango nagged, pushing Dazai back into his room. He stepped back out and closed the door behind him. “Well, he’s all yours now, Sakunosuke.”
“Have a good day at work then,” Odasaku nodded and bent forward so he could give Ango a light peck on the lips.
Ango smiled, picking up his work bag, “Thank you! Take care!” And headed towards the front door.
When the front door clicked shut, Odasaku headed into Dazai’s room again, who was wrapped in his blanket like a cacoon, sulking.
“Do you want chicken soup?” Odasaku asked, watching Dazai roll around on his bed.
The boy paused and lifted his head, pale face pulled into a tight frown, “Yes, thank you.”
Dazai’s spoon clinked against his empty bowl, blanket around his shoulders and his knees brought up as a temporary table. Odasaku set on the foot of his bed, not leaving his side, and waited patiently for Dazai to finish his soup.
The boy’s head accidentally dipped forward from exhaustion, causing him to nearly crash his face into his bowl, so Odasaku took the bowl out of his hands and tucked him properly into bed, sweeping the brunette’s bangs aside.
“Odasaku, you’re so nice,” Dazai hummed when Odasaku’s hand continued to linger on his face, to cool the boy’s face off.
“I’ll see if we have a fever patch in the fridge,,” Odasaku responded, taking his hand away and headed towards the door.
“Thank you!” Dazai chimed and waited patiently in his room, eyes half lidded and drooping, though he didn’t want to sleep until Odasaku returned. After five minutes had passed, Dazai sat up a little and tried to peer outside his door, wondering what was taking the other so long, “Odasaku?”
Silence.
He shouldn’t be this worried. Maybe Odasaku couldn’t hear him. Dazai crawled to the foot of his bed, which was closer to the door, and looked out, calling out again, “Odasaku?” His hand nearly slipped trying to hold himself up and contemplated whether he should leave his bed and check up on his dad.
Dazai couldn’t think clearly, he was too tired and numb to do so, so he immediately began to roll out of bed and shuffled towards the door, peering out once again, “Sakunosuke?”
Again, no answer, and he stepped outside his room to look around more. His head was hurting and everything felt heavy, he wanted to sleep, but he wanted to know Odasaku was nearby before going to bed. He felt a lot safer knowing his parent was nearby, so it would be a lot more comforting if he saw at least a glimpse of Odasaku somewhere in the house.
Alas, he couldn’t find his dad anywhere, and Dazai wasn’t sure if it was because he was sick or what, because he actually started tearing up from worry. He shivered, lips trembling as he paced around the house, limping from time to time, “Dad? Dad! Dad?!”
His knees buckled and he went crashing into the ground, and he was glad he still had the mind to tuck his tongue in to avoid having his teeth chop them off. His whole jaw went sore and his world began to spin, his knees burnt, and like that; he went out.
“Osamu? Are you awake?” A voice laced with worry entered Dazai’s mind. He wondered if he was dreaming his parents were back, until consciousness fully washed over him, causing his eyes to slowly blink open. He sat up and Odasaku came into view, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Why were you on the floor when I came home? I thought you fell asleep when I left.”
It was then did Dazai realize he was back in his bed, fever patch on his forehead, and his chin felt less sore than it was earlier.
“Where did you go?!” Dazai exclaimed, grabbing onto Odasauku’s sleeves tightly, not wanting to let go ever again.
Odasaku slowly reached into his pocket and brought out a handkerchief, pressing it against Dazai’s eyes gently. The boy hadn’t realized he was crying. Odasaku continued to wipe, his eyes filled with remorse, “I really thought you were asleep, so I left to get fever patches since we ran out.”
“I was scared,” Dazai burst into tears, all the tears began to stream out his eyes like a never ending waterfall, so much so a handkerchief wasn’t enough to dry them up. He pressed his face into Odasaku’s sleeves, holding him close. “I-I was so, so scared, I didn’t know- I thought- I was- I felt- felt so alone.”
Odasaku stared in surprise, placing the napkin down, and began to gently stroke Dazai’s hair to comfort him, “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t quite used to Dazai expressing this much sadness.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m being too much. Aren’t I the worst?” Dazai pushed back, wiping his own tears and laughing lightly. “Oh, how I wish for the sweet release of death. Would make things so much better, hmm?”
The redhead furrowed his brows and frowned, before he suddenly pulled Dazai into a tight hug, “Don’t. Do not. Ever. Say that.”
Dazai blinked, not sure how to react. He had been hugged before, but this was different, extremely different. It felt desperate. His hands trailed up and hugged back, snuggling his face into the crook of Odasaku’s neck.
“I love you,” Odasaku said softly, patting Dazai gently, like how he usually would when a child in the nursery began to cry. “You’re my son, Osamu. I wouldn’t know what I would do if you were to disappear from my life.”
Oh. Dazai might cry again. He smiled, sighing deeply, “Okay. Okay, I’ll try. I’ll try to live for you, dad.”
They stayed like that for a little longer.
“Welcome back, papa!” Dazai greeted and Ango nearly tripped trying to take his shoes off.
“Pardon?” Ango asked, placing his work bag away and pushed his glasses up. He glanced at Odasaku, who was in the kitchen preparing dinner, seemingly undisturbed by the nickname.
They two had brought up the discussion of parent names before, around the first few weeks of adoption, but Dazai insisted on just calling them by their names. At first, Ango made the effort to correct him from time to time, but grew used to it and stopped. Now it was just surprising to hear it out of nowhere.
“Oh, how about ‘father’? I’m using ‘dad’ for Odasaku. ‘Pops’? ‘Old man’? ‘Dadd’-” Dazai grinned wider and Ango held a hand up to stop him.
“Stop. Just. Papa is fine, yes.” Ango huffed, though the side of his lips curled at the thought of Dazai finally calling the two of them parent names. It felt...great, honestly. Quite accomplishing too. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah!” Dazai bounced, suddenly pouncing onto Ango to give him a hug.
Ango nearly fell backwards from the sudden display of affection, but automatically brought his hands up to wrap them around Dazai as well, “Did a fever somehow set your brain straight?”
“Straight? Pfft, please, I think about Chuuya day and night, nothing straight about that!” Dazai rubbed his face against Ango. He liked this, he liked how comforting it felt to be held, to hold someone. If he knew it was this great from the beginning, he would have done this so much sooner.
Yet, still, he was afraid of what his parents would think. His intelligence was admirable, but dangerous. It had scared his former parents so much they couldn’t talk to him, they often left him alone. He hated it. So he isolated himself, in order to prevent people from knowing too much about him. If they did, they’d leave. If they saw what was inside, would they hate it as much as he did too?
“Very funny, Osamu,” Ango rolled his eyes, then squeezed Dazai one last time, before letting go and stretching. “You know, I love you, Osamu. I love you a lot. We love you a lot, actually.”
Dazai gazed between them. Perhaps, just this once, he could try being open again.
“Let’s take a picture!” Dazai literally sprinted into his parents’ room and jumped onto their bed, aiming his landing in a spot that would avoid hurting either of them. Which was easy, because their arms and legs were entangled with each other on one side of the bed, so the other side was free to jump onto.
Ango nearly screamed while Odasaku only sat up slowly as Dazai continued to bounce on their bed. It was a good thing they planned ahead and got a sturdy one, though not for this exact reason of course.
Patting the nightstand next to him to grab his glasses, Ango fixed them on and squinted at Dazai until the boy ran out of breath and plopped onto the bed with his legs crossed, grinning from ear to ear and his eyes sparkling madly. He repeated himself again, this time slowly, “Let’s take a family photo to put in the house!”
“Oh. Oh! Oh, why didn’t we do that sooner,” Ango ran a hand through his mussed up bed hair and slipped out of bed. “We’ll take one, I think my camera is somewhere in the cabinets. We’ll have breakfast and take it…”
“At the sofa!” Dazai suggested, arms raised in excitement. Ango smiled softly, taking the suggestion, and left to find his camera.
“Alright. Let me throw a shirt on first,” Odasaku nodded, still groggy from sleep, then proceeded to flop back onto bed. “Give me a minute first.”
“Dad!”
“Okay, okay, help me pick an outfit then. I’ll get breakfast started.” Odasaku rolled out of bed, rubbing his face with his hands. Dazai cheered some more, which was starting to seem odd for Odasaku. Dazai never got this excitement about things before, even when he thought about dying.
“Aha, I’m getting wedding flashbacks,” Ango sniffed, watching Odasaku step out of their room with a suit. It wasn’t too formal, there wasn’t a tie and one or two buttons were unbuttoned, but other than that, he looked almost exactly as he did during their wedding.
“I’ll leave the house after this, if you two want,” Dazai coughed into his fist, seemingly hinting at something.
Ango pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to three, sighing deeply, “Osamu.”
“I have a date with Chuuya anyway!” Dazai snorted loudly, watching Odasaku blink in confusion.
“Why would we want you out of the house?” Odasaku asked, tilting his head.
“Please don’t answer him, Osamu.” Ango begged when he noticed Dazai opening his mouth to reply, then gaze softly towards Odasaku with a small smile, “Honey, he’s just messing with us.”
Odasaku’s ears went a little red, not realizing it was just a joke, “Oh.”
“Come on, come on! Let’s take that photo! Did you set the timer?” Dazai jumped. He was sitting in the middle of the sofa so both his parents could sit on either side of him, and he was practically brimming with excitement.
“In a moment. Saku, you can go sit down,” Ango gestured forward, adjusting the settings to his camera. Odasaku did as he was told, sitting on Dazai’s left, and waited patiently for Ango to join them.
“Smile!” Dazai chimed, right as the camera shutter snapped. Then he hopped forward and grabbed the camera, causing Ango to wince in fear. He didn’t want Dazai breaking his camera, even though it had been a while since he properly used it. Dazai smiled as he stared at the photo, then showed it to both his parents, “This is my first family photo! Look! I’m so happy it turned out okay! Wow, dad, you can actually smile!”
He kept on rambling and rambling and Odasaku nodded each time Dazai looked over at them again. First family photo? He was thirteen when he was placed in the orphanage, wasn’t he? They couldn’t have taken a photo by then?
“I love you two so much,” Dazai beamed once again, handing the camera over and hugging the two tight, though his arms weren’t long enough, so he had to let go to avoid choking the both of them.
“Ah, we love you too,” Odasaku answered, ruffling Dazai’s hair. The feelings Dazai were showing, they seem so much more genuine now, and it was wonderful. Happiness was a nice look on his son’s face.
“Okay! I’ll be off now! Don’t want to be late, see you around! Have fun!~” Dazai waved, skipping out of the living room and scooping up his outdoor bag from the floor.
“That kid, seriously, what a handful,” Ango huffed, but smiled fondly back as the boy waved one final goodbye and closed the door.