Chapter Text
Jennie stares at her own reflection in the mirror as her fingers tap against the wooden table in front of her. She brings them up to pull at the strands of her hair and then down again, reminding herself of the three hours that her stylist spent working on her hairdo.
It looks great, actually, chocolate, shiny curls falling delicately on top of her exposed collarbones. Her makeup is on point too, elegant and subtle but fierce at the same time, showing all the sides of herself that she has learnt to love with the passing of time.
Jennie bites her lower lip and taps on the table more insistently. Her gaze runs from the white flower pot contrasting with dark brown wooden, to the lights of the mirror, to her eyes again as her thoughts race without mercy.
Is it enough? Does she look beautiful enough? What if she goes down the aisle with her heart bursting against her chest and then there is an empty space…
“You look beautiful, Jennie”.
The brunette turns her head quickly at the affectionate, teary tone of her best friend, who is looking at her as if she was letting her child go to school on her own for the first time.
“Thanks, Soo”, she swallows, trying to overcome the nervous lump in her throat, “is everything okay? I mean, the setting, and the people, and…”.
“The place is gorgeous, your mom is small talking with every single guest, and your love is just as anxious at you, also looking surprisingly good”.
Jennie lets her shoulders relax, a small smile growing in her face as a warm rush fills her chest.
“Everything will go perfectly, Jen. This is your happy day. Make sure to enjoy it thoroughly”.
The tallest brunette opens her mouth to answer, still in a sweet dizzy spell, extremely thankful for her friend’s comforting words, but a loud squeal interrupts her.
“Oh my god, you look amazing! Look at you! Gorgeous! Oh, I’m so happy”.
Jennie giggles softly as Rosé brings her hands to her own face, visibly tearing up.
“Thanks Rosie. I’m glad that you feel that way”.
The silver blonde takes some quick steps to embrace her friend’s neck loosely, mindful of the hours and hours of production, and starts sobbing affectionate words as she stares at Jennie through the mirror.
“I can’t believe that this is happening. After so many years… but I knew. I knew. We both knew, Jisoo, right? It was like written in the stars”.
The shortest brunette chuckles and puts her hand on top of the blonde’s left shoulder.
“Meant to be, indeed”, she concedes, and lets a comfortable silence extend for a moment before speaking again, “I have to check on the fourth pink, though, for what I know she could be hanging on the chandelier already, or cussing somebody off. And I thought that Jennie was going to be the difficult one”.
The tallest brunette giggles at Jisoo’s words, her cheeks covered by a pinkish heat, and squeezes Rosés hands so as to anchor herself.
“I was difficult too”, she mumbles, almost apologetically.
The shortest brunette gestures with her hand nonchalantly, but leaves the room with a wide smile.
“Yes”, the silver blonde murmurs, “but it’s your wedding day. You have every right to be. Now show me that stunning dress.”.
-
Seven-year-old Jennie sits as straight as she can in the green plastic chair with her legs barely brazing the ground. She’s looking intently at the folded paper under her tiny fingers as she traces new lines, cat-like eyes absolutely focused in the process.
“What are you doing, Nini?” her father asks. Jennie stops to stare at him only for a second before going back to her crucial task.
“A paper plane”, she explains, her voice severe, “This one will fly”, she adds, and crunches her small nose at the memory of her previous failed attempts.
He chuckles slightly, but presses his big hand on top of her shoulders in a sign of support.
Jennie keeps working, the pad of her ring finger running through the smooth white surface, and she’s only brought to the reality of the café they are sitting at by her mother.
“Do you like Thailand, Nini?”
The brunette full stops this time, her plump cheeks lifted in a big, gummy smile.
“Yes!”, she exclaims, and moves her legs back and forth, “It’s so pretty! It’s fun!”
Her mom smiles in endearment, and her gaze shifts to Jennie’s father.
The girl watches as her parents share a look, brief but intense, their eyes sparking for a second as they take into each other.
It makes Jennie slightly uncomfortable but at the same time inexplicably happy. It is a stare that they only save for each other, like a secret, like something they don’t need to say with words.
The girl doesn’t need further explication. She knows that that’s what her parents refer to as love. She feels in her chest, too, but it’s different. She understands that it’s different.
Jennie’s mind shifts, then, always youthful and busy, from her parents, to her paper plane, back to the necklace her father bought for her mother just a few minutes ago from a local seller.
“What does your necklace say, mom?”, she asks, and watches with slight disappointment as a waitress brings food to a table that’s not theirs .
Jennie’s mother brings her hand to the rounded-rock necklace, a slight blush covering her cheeks, and smiles softly before explaining.
“Soulmate. This is Thai”, she murmurs, and runs her finger on top of the foreign script.
The girl hums, brown eyes staring at the shiny item, and realizes that she doesn’t exactly know what Thai is but she knows that it looks beautiful.
“And what’s a soulmate?”, she asks next, and looks at her paper plane once again to finally finish it.
“A soulmate is a… person. A person that you are meant to love very much”.
Jennie doesn’t look up, but she listens with careful attention. She grasps the blue pen that her father left on top of the fragile table and scrunches her nose again.
“So, dad is your soulmate?”, she asks.
She hears faint giggles –the ones her parents only let out in very special occasions or when they drink a bit too much champagne on Friday nights.
“I want to believe so”, her mother says, then, her voice light and funny.
Jennie nods, grasping the concept, and fixes a wild strand of her chocolate hair that blocks her view before working on her crucial project once again.
A few seconds later she lights up, holding the paper plane up in her head and letting a cheering sound escape from her mouth.
“Oh, did you finish?”
“Yes!”, Jennie exclaims, and shows the product of her hard work proudly, “It has a name, like granny taught me”.
Her father looks at the foreign script messily drawn against the clear paper with an incredulous smile.
“Did you name it soulmate?”
“Yep. It is Thai”, the girl concedes, and her feet move in excitement above the floor once again, “and I’m sure that it flies”.
Jennie’s dad nods this time, understanding his daughter’s sheer excitement, and lets the tiny brunette appreciate her own masterpiece.
“Nini, honey, you can try it later. The food’s coming”.
Jennie widens her intense eyes as she catches the sight of the waitress holding a stray with the dishes they ordered. She stops moving her legs but puts her paper plane on top of her thighs very carefully.
She can play later.
-
An hour later, Jennie already feels the afternoon sun heating up her skin. Her fingers tickle with excitement, and her stomach is already more than full. She stares at the almost empty park just in front of the café and her eyes shine with enthusiasm.
“Mom”, she murmurs, and grasps the paper plane in her tiny fingers, “can I go play to the park there? Please…”.
Her mother stares at her and then at the place, scanning it to detect any unsafe zone. When she is satisfied with the result, she turns towards her with a mildly severe stare.
“Okay. But just for a few minutes”, the brunette gifts her a quick grateful smile before finally letting her feet touch the ground, “and be careful, please!”
Jennie shouts in agreement as she runs to the grass, her chocolate hair flying with the wind. The weather is kind of hot and heavy, really, but the girl couldn’t care less. She’s happy, and the foreign air makes her feel excited, and she has a brand new paper plane made all by herself clutched in her hand.
She stands at the top of the tallest concrete stairs, takes a deep breath, and finally tests her creation.
It works perfectly.
The paper plane –soulmate- takes off with a slight breeze, maintains itself proudly in the air for a few seconds, and then lands in the dirty ground with absolute grace.
Jennie exclaims in glee, smiling from ear to ear, and plays for a while, running here and there under the sun.
After a while, her wild mind has already focused on something else, on the purple leaves of a tree that she has never seen before, on the birds searching for bread crumbs on the floor, on the beautiful sky-blue mattress above her.
She sits on the stairs for a second, finally feeling tired, and puts her paper plane besides her tiny body.
Then, a soft voice calls her from the café.
“Nini, do you want an ice cream?”
Jennie’s cat-like eyes light up immediately, and her legs start working almost on her own.
The brunette approaches her family, already leaving the place, almost in autopilot. Her paper plane is forgotten, a bit crumbled now, rays hitting on it on top of the stairs.
-
Jennie sighs heavily as she practices the same movement for the hundredth time in front of the massive mirror.
It’s not perfect yet, and if it’s not perfect it means that it’s wrong, and that it will result in a bad grade, and in a frown, and even in her getting harshly dismissed by the company.
She blinks away some frustrated tears and stares at the clock. 1 am. All her fellow trainees –better prepared- have already left the bright practice room for some hours of well-deserved rest. Jennie, on the other hand, with her legs shaking due exhaustion, is still struggling with her steps, feeling demoralized due to her own limitations.
She sighs heavily again and brushes the palm of her hands roughly against her face.
One more time, she thinks, and tries again without music, almost getting throughout the whole performance earing herself a hesitant passing, when the doors of the room open widely.
Jennie stops dead in her tracks with her heart racing against her chest, terrified by the unexpected intrusion. She only calms down when she catches the sight of a tall, frozen figure behind the door.
Doe eyes stare at her widely, and Jennie almost smiles as a reflex. The short-haired girl suddenly breaks out from her trance and bows low, her cheeks burning in shame.
“I’m so sorry!”, she blurts out in broken Korean, “I thought that there was nobody here”.
The shortest brunette tilts her head and takes into the girl. She recognizes her as the new trainee, the fourteen-year old dancer. She has heard other girls talking about her, about the fact that she is from Thailand and the language barrier prevents her from communicating with other trainees, and Jennie feels her own heart clenching in sympathy.
“It’s okay”, she whispers then, her voice mellow so as to calm her down, “It’s quite late”.
“Yes”, the tallest girl answers excitedly, nodding in absolute agreement. She visibly struggles for a while, and Jennie knows that she’s desperately looking for the right words. It makes her want to hug her tightly. “I… come late. I like the room… if it’s empty”.
The shortest brunette gifts the trainee a soft smile as she gets closer to her. She hesitates only for a second before speaking again.
“Me too”, she answers in English.
The girl looks at her with her shiny eyes wide again. Speaking to her in any other language but Korean is firmly against the rules.
“We can practice together, if you don’t mind. I heard that you are the best dancer here. Maybe you can even help me with some steps”.
The tallest girl’s expression is struck by a spark, somehow brighter than the LED lights above them, and Jennie feels a comfortable feeling settling in her chest.
“Yes! I would love that”, she exclaims, and shows a toothy smile. “I’m Lisa!”, she adds happily.
Jennie wonders just how much energy vibrates in her lean body.
“I’m Jennie”, she answers nevertheless, and her previously beaten legs start feeling a lot lighter.
“I know”, Lisa answers, and moves just besides the shortest girl, just at the center of the room. She stares at the mirror pensively, her limbs immediately adopting a position that can only be described as damn gracious and clearly professional.
Jennie gets in position again, too. An unspoken agreement flows through both their minds. They will practice the whole choreography first.
“Yeah?”, she asks curiously. She watches as the young trainee turns towards her with an almost surprised expression.
They take into each other for a second, sharp and open, dark and bright, feeling and mind, and an almost too intense feeling springs from their chests.
“Yeah”, Lisa answers when she finds her voice, “You are Jennie Kim. The coolest trainee. The star”, she answers simply.
The shortest girl blushes profusely, but makes an attempt to seem composed.
“I don’t think so”, she shrugs, and turns towards their reflection again. Lisa is sporting that wide, charismatic, adorable smile again.
“You are”, she answers simply, “I’m so glad to be practicing with you”.
Jennie doesn’t answer out loud. She simply takes into the buzzing jolt that tugs in her stomach due to the pure nature of the compliment and turns on the music at the lowest volume she can. That day, after being almost intoxicated by Lisa’s repertoire of giggles, she decides that she wants to keep her as close as she can.
-
Lisa lies on top of her bed with crossed arms and a somber expression.
She should have done better.
She should have worked harder, pushed a bit further, spent a few more hours sweating and bleeding in the practice room. She should have learnt to speak better, find the right angles for her pictures to be perfect, smiled big even when she didn’t want to.
And maybe, if she had truly focused her inner flow of energy properly, their group would be debuting next week.
Lisa feels tears prickling in her eyes as the uncomfortable knot in her stomach tightens.
She’s mentally and physically tired, but her body refuses to let her rest. It’s Sunday, and she should be outside enjoying the tickle of the spring sun, but feels unworthy of it. The thought of going back to practicing, however, increases the pounding in her wounded legs.
In an act of pure sadness, Lisa searches on her phone for a picture of her parents. Her pouted mouth becomes more prominent, her fingers hovering on top of her mother’s eyes as she wonders whether to make the call or not.
It will worry them. Lisa has not been one to express her cloudy feelings freely, often times choosing to bottle them down until she could let them out at the very moment she managed to be alone. It’s a reflex act, learnt in training, smiling throughout happiness, anger, sadness, fear. She has been instructed to search for a faux spark in her eyes, to move her hands animatedly even when she’s missing the solitude of her room.
Lisa considers that she should be able to tell her parents how she truly feels about having gone through harsh performances and harsher critiques for more than four years without receiving a completely positive feedback not even once.
She closes her eyes and steadies her breathing, the screen of her phone going black.
It’s difficult to break with imposed habits. Her parents would worry. Her mother would cry. Her father will say nothing but remain awake until well-advanced the night.
Lisa cannot do that to the people she loves, not after receiving their unconditional support.
She puts down her phone and runs her fingers through the soft fabric of her blanket covered in little bunnies. She thinks about making use of the unusual silence to sleep for a while, taking advantage of the fact that almost all trainees use their free day to spend time with her family.
With a yellowish light illuminating her profile, Lisa closes her eyes, only to open them again quickly due to the sound of the room door opening slowly.
She straightens, curious, and smiles big immediately at the sight of the cat-eyed trainee.
“Hi, Jennie”, she greets her, and the ache of her heart eases when the shortest girl gifts her an almost shy grin.
“Hey, Lis”, she answers, and walks towards her bed with her head slightly tilted.
Lisa finds herself thinking, for those short seconds, about how gorgeous the girl looks with her light dress contrasting with her rich, dark curls. Before she realizes, Jennie is already sitting on her bed, giving her a soft look.
“How are you?”, the shortest brunette asks her, and Lisa can only stare at her stunned.
“I’m… I mean… fine”, she stutters, and notices quickly that her hesitation displeases her groupmate.
Jennie purses her lips for a second, her sharp eyes growing darker, and the tallest girl feels somewhat guilty.
“You know that you can talk to me, right?”, the oldest girl murmurs, and lets her fingers search for Lisa’s hand.
“I know”, the girl can only answer, then, as she feels her throat tightening, “It’s just… I don’t know. I don’t know how; I think”.
She feels absolutely lacking, but a faint light returns to Jennie’s intense stare. She stares at her for some extra seconds, and Lisa feels blushing before her groupmate’s striking beauty. Everything, from the curve of her forehead to the angle of her chin seems absolutely unbelievable, and the dancer considers that there is no way that their group won’t be successful as long as Jennie stays with them.
“It’s okay”, the shortest girl mumbles finally, her voice soft and low as she intertwines her fingers with her friend’s. “It’s okay not to know right now. Take your time. Just know that I’m here for you, yeah? Whenever you feel like it.”
Lisa nods, feeling caught under a dizzy spell, amazed by her groupmate’s ability to read her so easily.
“Thank you so much, Jen”, she can only murmur, her eyes watering as a warm feeling frees her aching chest, “How are you? I mean…”
The shortest brunette scrunches her nose in an expression that Lisa has seen over a hundred times and still finds it ridiculously adorable.
“I’m pissed. We were ready. We are ready”, she states, her chin lifted, “They are just… them. I swear we can never get anything nice”.
The tallest girl watches with increasing sorrow as her groupmate’s expression grows gloomier, her gaze turning outcast with the force of the sudden emotion.
“We will debut, Jennie”, she blurts out in an attempt of finding the hint of a smile, “We will. We just have to wait”.
The shortest girl looks at Lisa right in the eyes.
“And we will show them”.
The dancer nods, wrapped up in their natural connection, and without even thinking about it, she brings the hand grasping Jennie’s to her lips, planting a soft kiss on the girl’s knuckles. Something shifts then, a spark in the shortest brunette’s features, stubborn clouds making the room darker.
Lisa stares at the girl in a daze, wondering on the heat coloring her cheeks, terribly worried about having made just another mistake, having ruined something that makes her so unbelievable happy.
However, just like that, Jennie gifts her the best, most radiant smile that Lisa has ever seen. It makes her grin too, almost as an impulse, and a moment passes in which they just take into each other as if meeting for the first time.
“Do you want to go for an ice cream?”, Jennie suggest, and the tallest girl doesn’t even have to think about it. With her fingers still locked between the brunette’s, Lisa stands up from her bed and drags her across to the room, earning herself some enthusiastic giggles.
“Yeah! With sprinkles on the top!”
Later, when they are finally soaking in the afternoon sun, Lisa asks Jennie between scoop and scoop why she is not hanging out with her family.
The shortest girl stares at her for a second, her soft cheeks lifted in a smile as she bites the cone of her snack.
“I wanted to be with you”, she answers simply.
Lisa wants to kiss Jennie’s hand once again.
-
Jennie knocks on the thin wooden door with her knuckles.
She keeps it soft, afraid of upsetting her friend even further.
When she receives no answer, she puts her ear against the wood. As broken sobs resonate muffled from the other side, the brunette feels her heart breaking.
Lisa deserves, so, so much better. Someone who can make her brightest smiles break out with the melancholy that sometimes clouds her soft features, someone who is willing to buy her all the candies that she stores secretly in her night table, someone who wouldn’t think twice before catching her sporadic tears with soft kisses.
It wouldn’t be that difficult, Jennie considers.
Instead, Lisa got a cheater.
As the sobs become louder, reaching the brunette’s heart and squeezing it painfully, Jennie tries once again.
She knocks gently and modulates her voice to make it sound as mellow as possible.
“Lis, please”, Jennie squeezes the handle of the plastic bag in her hands, “let me give you some food and water”.
The crying sounds stop for a second, and there is a moment of uncertainty in which the brunette doubts whether to stay or to leave, but then, she listens to heavy steps approaching slowly. She’s mindful of breathing steadily a few times –she’s so angry at that fucker, so damn angry- before her friend opens the door. Lisa needs bubbles, flowers, and cuddles, and Jennie is willing to give her all of that, even if the fluff does not match with her bad girl vibes, even if her deepest instincts are begging to hunt that boy down.
When she catches the disheveled sight of her friend behind the door frame, the shortest girl feels her chest aching again. The dancer looks so, so tired, purple spots darkening her usually sparky eyes, her blonde hair hastily pulled up in a messy bun, so visible vulnerable that Jennie wishes she had brought a big blanket with her as well.
Lisa takes a look at her, clearly embarrassed, and Jennie is almost sure that the girl is going to take the provisions and disappear inside her sad hideout. She offers her the bag, wordlessly, her jaw tight in desperation, and her friend takes it unsure. However, instead of running in, the blonde looks at her again.
“Do you want to come in?”, she asks, and the brunette fights the impulse of gathering her exhausted body inside her arms.
“Of course, Lili”, she answers, and enters Lisa’s room along her.
A moment of long silence follows. It’s not specifically unpleasant, especially because Jennie can see the way Lisa’s doe eyes find the flash of a light at the sight of the homemade dinner that she prepared herself a few hours ago. The blonde also chugs at the bottle of water, clearly thirsty, and when she finishes, Jennie can swear that her shoulders seem a bit less hunched.
They sit on Lisa’s bed, still embedded in a quiet atmosphere, their features almost unrecognizable due to the planned lack of lighting. The brunette can still see her friend, though, her soft nose catching in the smell of food, her eyes watering again, moving from the cardboard box in her lap, to the almost empty bottle of water, to her friend’s cat-like eyes.
She stares for a moment, and Jennie almost starts to cry, too.
“Thank you so much, Jen”, the blonde murmurs in a feathery sigh, and the brunette is quick to press the palm of her hand on top of her friend’s thigh.
“It’s nothing, love. That’s what I’m here for”.
Lisa puts a piece of kimbap in her mouth and lets out a high whine.
“Is that bad?”, Jennie jokes, and the comment earns her a watery, muffled chuckle.
“It’s delicious”, the dancer tells her after swallowing, and she blinks a few times, desperate to keep her emotions under control at least for a few minutes. “You did it all yourself?”
The brunette scrunches her nose, moving closer to her friend, letting her hand trace soft, comforting circles now against her back.
“Of course, who else”, she answers back, and grins as her groupmate keeps eagerly eating her dinner.
Jennie is glad that she’s hungry. She’s glad that she looks, even if still not as bright as usually would, significantly better. She’s glad that she let her in. She feels lucky.
Lisa looks at her friend once again, her gaze soft.
“You didn’t have to, Jen”.
The brunette hums lowly.
“I wanted to. You deserve the absolute best”.
Lisa grins, beautiful and broken, her cheeks know more colored, her entire expression more alive.
“And your food is the best, isn’t it?”
Jennie raises both eyebrows in a playful gesture.
“Of course, darling… at least the best we can get in the dorm”.
A light chuckle illuminates the shadowy room, and it’s followed by a comfortable, hopeful silence.
“I will get over him”, Lisa murmurs after some seconds, “before we debut. I’ll work the hardest. I’ll be the best I’ve ever been”.
Jennie’s chest fills with pure pride, and she can’t help but to squeeze her friend’s shoulders in a sign of agreement.
“You are already fantastic, Lis, but I’m glad you feel that way”.
Lisa grasps Jennie’s hand to pull her arm more comfortably around her own shoulders, putting the food away and letting her body cuddle against the warmth of her companion. It feels nice, fitting and wonderful, and Lisa’s aching diminishes slowly the more the sweet scent of expensive perfume reaches her nose.
She closes her eyes, content after days of anguish, after feeling betrayed, after a spiral of thoughts doubting her self-value. Now, with her groupmate pressing her forehead against her cheek, Lisa feels powerful again, ready to fight her pain and return to a healthy, positive headspace.
“Can we watch a movie?”, she asks her, “and let some light in”.
She feels a heart-warming kiss pressing against her flushed cheek before Jennie’s warmth abandons her for a moment.
“Sure, babe. Wanna call the girls?”, the brunette asks, opening the windows, the sun finally making its way inside the room.
“Yeah”, the blonde answers easily, “I miss them”.
When she catches the sight of Jennie gifting her a rare gummy smile, Lisa stands up too.
She feels invincible.
-
Jennie giggles without control as she rushes past a leaf-covered road, her arms open in a happy gesture illuminated by the golden autumn light.
Just behind her, Lisa’s long, quick steps follow closely, and the tallest girl’s laughter reaches the brunette’s ear like music.
When she diminishes her speed, her legs growing tired despite the blissful buzz still spreading throughout her body, steady arms wrap themselves around her waist, and, in a moment, her friend’s sweet scent delights her senses.
“Gotcha, Nini”.
Jennie has to make an effort to stop herself from displaying smile, and replaces her joyful expression with a fake, prominent pout.
“Your legs are longer!”, she complains, but puts her hands on top of her friend’s lean arms nevertheless.
The blonde against her body chuckles once again, looking at the brunette’s pouted moth for a second before drifting her gaze to her sharp eyes.
“You are the one who suggested to play tag!”
She lets go for a moment, but keeps her friend close to her body by embracing her shoulders loosely. From that angle, keeping the shortest girl by her right, Lisa can see her dark hair contrasting with the ochre tones of the resting trees.
It’s beautiful, she thinks, somewhat breathless.
Just at her side, Jennie turns around to watch the yellowish spectacle as well, considering quietly, as a thought deeply engraved in the very back of her conscious, that there is a melancholic beauty in the perishing of a phase.
“Wow”, she mumbles, then, with Lisa’s soft breathing almost caressing her cheek.
“Wow indeed”, the blonde murmurs, and Jennie can’t help but to turn towards her once again.
The tallest girl’s wide eyes stare at her as if waiting, wondering, light mahogany in a gentle inquiry, and the brunette smiles again without even noticing.
“Thank you so much for bringing me here, Lis”.
The blonde’s peaceful expression breaks into a toothy smile, and she shakes her head still guiding them both throughout the darkening road.
Ahead, the sun is starting to set, golden deepening low in the horizon, making every single color stand out as if in sudden pride.
“I wouldn’t bring anybody else. Besides, you said that you wanted to come back to Thailand, right?”
Jennie nods, and lets her fingers intertwine with Lisa’s.
“I visited when I was a kid. It’s so crazy to be here again…”
The blonde hums, watching the colors blending in the sky.
“I’m glad that you are here”, she says simply, and listens as the brunette breathes deeply before letting out a deep, heartfelt sigh.
“I’m glad to be here. With you”, the brunette answers.
Something rushes through Lisa’s chest then, a warmth, a bolt, something that she only feels when she’s with Jennie, when the girl lets out words that seem encrypted in her soul, when her cat-like eyes became dreamier, brighter.
Without thinking much about it, enjoying the solitude of her hidden spot –their hidden spot, now- Lisa plants a soft kiss against Jennie’s temple.
Several moments of silence follow. They normally do when they are together, as if nothing else was necessary to say, as if they were connected by something way deeper than simple words.
When the first hint of small stars begins to appear in the now bluish mattress ahead, Lisa speaks again.
“Let’s go back, yeah? I’m sure that mom is preparing something special for you”.
The brunette hums in agreement, a soft smile adorning her youthful expression.
“She likes me”, she mutters prideful.
“Of course she does”, the blonde answers, and moves her arm from Jennie’s shoulders to hug her waist.
They keep walking, now heading towards the tallest girl’s home.
“Not everybody likes me”, the brunette answers, her voice clouded by sudden sadness.
No, Lisa thinks. She deserves this moment.
“My mom likes you. My dad likes you. The girls like you. And most importantly, I like you”, she answers, her eyes locking in Jennie’s attentive ones, “I think that you are doing great”.
The brunette gifts her friend a light grin, then, and raises an eyebrow teasingly.
“So, you are the most important one, right?” she inquires, her tone laced once again with the casual contentment Lisa was begging to hear.
“Of course. Who else is more important?”, the blonde teases back, relief making her feel giddy again.
Jennie looks ahead once again, catching the sight of the now familiar house of her friend.
“Right now? Nobody else”, she answers.
Lisa smiles brightly, feeling a joyful rush again, and just falls into quietness, with the darkening sky above them now displaying a repertoire of shining dots.
They keep walking silently, filled with the absolute calm of each other’s company, and both their faces break out in greeting smiles as they see Lisa’s mom calling for them outside her house.
-
Lisa opens one eye and tries to give shape to the dark shadows in the room. With all the lights out, it’s difficult to distinguish anything except for the sharp cut of Jennie’s cheekbone just a few centimeters away from her own face.
They are both lying on mattresses on the floor, occupying all the previously free space in Lisa and Rosé’s room. On the twin beds above, their friends are sleeping soundly, exhausted after hours and hours of turbulent feelings running through their ever active bodies.
Jennie is sleeping too, or at least she seems to be doing so, her back, facing against the wall, raising in a soft, almost elegant peace.
Lisa observes the hypnotizing movement now with both her doll eyes open, feeling unable to let her mind succumb under the need of rest. She feels so excited, and so proud, and so happy. She wants to hug her members all over again, kiss them on their foreheads all over again, go through the mini celebration pajama party they just had all over again.
Everything was worth it, and now a universe of possibilities lies before them. People actually liked them –Lisa really, really hopes that that is true- which means that her blood, sweat and tears were not wasted.
She forces herself to close her eyes, trying to control the buzzing feeling spreading from her chest to her limbs, and takes a few deep breaths to calm herself down.
It’s pointless.
She’s about to stand up and leave the room quietly to indulge herself with a few glasses of chocolate milk when she hears a deep, raspy voice just in front of her face.
“You are thinking too loud”.
Lisa stares at Jennie absolutely perplex as her cat-like, gorgeous eyes make contact with hers. She’s speechless for a moment, both stunned by the comment and by the way her friend bats her eyelashes to snap out of her sleep.
“I… I’m sorry”, the blonde blurts out, and in the darkness of the room, she can see the faint line of Jennie’s mouth curl into a soft smile, “How did you know I was awake?”, she asks, her impressed tone making the brunette’s grin widen.
“Your breathing. Also, you move your feet when you are either too anxious or too happy”.
Lisa furrows her eyebrows for a moment, and then realizes, without major surprise at this point, that Jennie is absolutely right.
She wonders on her friend’s attention to detail for a second, and then she focuses on her blurred features again, her expression now relaxed again but her brown, inquisitive orbs still burning into her eyes.
“I hope that you are happy and not anxious”, Jennie comments, her sleepy voice making Lisa’s heart leap slightly.
The blonde moves her hand to cup her friend’s cheek without thinking much about it, feeling light-headed and full.
“I am a bit anxious, but mostly, really happy”, Lisa murmurs.
Jennie hums as her eyes close, drowning in a sense of bliss.
“Me too”, she agrees, enjoying the feeling of the blonde’s cold touch against her heated cheeks, “I can’t believe we debuted. I’m so proud of us”.
At the sound of the brunette’s soft speech, the tallest girl feels her limbs relaxing, her mind finally becoming cloudy in her contentment.
When her arm begins to ache, she moves her hand away. The action displeases the previously peaceful brunette somehow, who, in an attempt of regaining the delight of their physical connection, scoots closer to the blonde.
Lisa doesn’t think about it. She lets her friend cuddle against her, fit her head under her chin. With velvety, chocolate hair tickling her skin, the blonde feels absolute.
“I’m so happy, Jen. I want this forever”.
Her eyes begin to flutter. She lets the smell of sweet, enrapturing perfume guide her to her dreams.
“I want this forever, too”, Jennie answers, both awake and asleep, both in reality and in fantasy.
They both doze off feeling complete.
-
Lisa stands in dreadful silence with her ear pressed against Jennie’s door. She tries not to burst in, tries to respect the brunette’s now much beloved personal space. She still intends to wait, both patiently and impatiently until the girl decides that she can open up and finally let go all the bottled feelings that the blonde can’t help but to notice every time she looks into her saddening eyes.
So she listens, her friend’s silence making the gaping hole in her chest bigger.
Jennie is so loving, and so passionate, and so hardworking. She simply doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand human cruelty, bullying culture, the need of making fun of situations that nobody could ever understand.
It hurts her so, so much, and she can only imagine the way it must feel for Jennie, for her tender soul, for her sore muscles. It makes Lisa want to go house by house, cellphone by cellphone, and made them look, made them see how wrong they are, how unfair they are.
But she can’t, or at least not for now, and all she can do is to wait until her friend lets a bit of her shaky defenses down so she can gather her in her arms and cover her with all the praise she rightfully deserves.
Lisa bites the inside of her cheeks uncomfortably. She has to go. She has to leave her alone but there is a much stronger pull that makes her stay quiet, immobile as she waits to finally become useful.
Then, something happens.
Soft sounds begin to spread from Jennie’s room to Lisa’s ear, and it takes her a few seconds to recognize their source. When she does, though, her heart breaks even further. At the other side of the door, she can hear muffled sobs full of a broken sadness that makes the blonde tear up immediately.
She looks at the wood separating her from her friend hating it for a few moments, feeling her hands clench in shaky fists.
She needs to do something. She knows because she feels it from the depth of her soul, from that connection that she feels with her friend and can’t even explain with words. She needs Jennie to know that she’s there, always, ready to do anything in her reach and beyond to make her smile again.
She opens the door slowly, giving the brunette time to ask her to close it again if she wants to, being mindful of every single sound.
She can only hear sobbing, and when she enters the room, catching the sight of her friend, new tears prickle in her doe eyes. Jennie is there, curled into a ball, her forehead resting against her knees as her trembling body produces the most shattered cries.
Lisa rushes towards her, but stays beyond her reach.
“Jennie”, she murmurs, careful and sweet, and the brunette’s head snap up so their eyes can meet. There is a moment of confusion, of shame, of sorrow, and Lisa can already feel her friend’s rejection.
“Jennie”, she pleads this time, “please, let me hold you. Let me get to you. Please”. She whispers her words with her hands still drawing fists, feeling helpless and limited, and can only stare at her friend with a begging expression.
The brunette never stops crying. Hot tears still fall from her reddened eyes as she stares at her groupmate with her lips pursed in a thin, contained line. She hesitates once, twice, but with her soul crushed, she can’t help but to seek the warmth rush that only Lisa can prompt in her darkest times.
Still with her chin against her knees, Jennie nods once.
It’s enough.
Lisa moves forwards with her arms wide open, and in the blink of an eye, she is holding the brunette tightly in her arms, letting her face fit right in her neck, and starts caressing her small back with the palms of her hands.
They continue like that for a moment, Jennie crying and Lisa mumbling sweet nothings to her ear, telling her how loved she is, how beautiful she is, how hardworking she is.
“Incredible”, she whispers, “and so strong, Jen, and so stunning. Fuck them if they can’t see it. Fuck them all. Every single one. You deserve so much more, baby, the whole world”.
The brunette doesn’t answer, but Lisa knows that she is listening. Her hands tighten on her shoulders sometimes, and her sobs become louder when she tells her that she is doing her very best. She breathes in an out when the blonde begs her to do so, when the air escaping from her lugs becomes too worrying, and she actually giggles when Lisa comments on how she would like to pay them a nice visit… carrying at least one very hard object.
That tiny, sparking moment makes Lisa feel hopeful again. She presses a soft kiss against Jennie’s forehead and rearranges her body so she can lie on her friend’s bed, the brunette’s body pressed against hers.
They stay quiet for a moment after Jennie’s cries have died down. Mindlessly, thinking about what else she could do to cheer her friend up, she begins to trace random shapes on her back. After running her fingers in the same way a few times, she hears a soft voice against her collarbone.
“A star”, Jennie mumbles.
Lisa smiles big, happy, and presses a kiss against Jennie’s temple.
She traces another shape.
“A circle”.
Another kiss. Another shape.
“Mmh… a heart?”
Lisa hums.
“Oh… candy!”
The blonde chuckles and presses another kiss, this time on her friend’s cheek.
She lets the pad of her fingers draw another figure.
It takes Jennie a few tries to get it, and when she does, she inhales deeply and nuzzles her nose against her friend’s neck.
“I love you too”, she mutters.
Lisa feels radiant. She buries her hand in soft chocolate, caressing bright strands with utmost care.
“I will fall asleep, Lis”, Jennie complains. She presses her cheek against her friend’s chest, looking for a more comfortable position.
“Go ahead. I’ll be here”, the blonde answers, secure. She looks up at the ceiling, feeling proud of both of them.
“When I wake up, I’ll be stronger”, the brunette promises. Then, her breathing deepens.
Lisa squeezes her tiny body between her arms and feels herself becoming dizzier, embedded by contentment and the addictive scent of her friend’s perfume.
They fall asleep like that, tangled in each other.
-
Lisa laughs loudly as she moves her limbs frantically.
A few meters away from her friend’s messy dancing, Jennie stares at her in the reflection of the mirror, a soft smile tugging her lips.
She’s sitting down on the dance studio’s room, absolutely exhausted after hours of practicing.
Lisa, however, seems to have stored energy to go on for a few more hours.
She stops at some point, and wiggles her eyebrows at her friend with a teasing smile.
“What do you think huh? Should we change the whole performance and just dance like this?”
The brunette chuckles, half finding Lisa genuinely funny, half dizzy in her tiredness.
“I don’t think I can keep up”, she comments, and the blonde gasps in outrage.
“Of course you can!”
Jennie tilts her head, still grinning at her friend’s antics, and takes just a moment to admire her features.
Lisa is somewhat sweaty, sporting messy hair and reddened cheeks, but she is wearing a pair of very well fitting sweatpants that Jennie wishes she would be tall enough to wear, and a crop top barely covering her black sports bra. Hence, her abs are in plain sight, and while the brunette guesses that fans would be more than happy to witness after-practice Lisa, she’s inexplicability happy to be the only one in the room at the moment.
Because she’s ours, Jennie considers.
The blonde has stopped speaking already, moving to the center of the room again, plastering that absolutely focused expression in her face that makes the small wrinkle in her brow appear. Jennie’s gaze follows her movements, smooth and certain, in tune with the music, with the atmosphere, and with Jennie herself in ways the brunette truly believes only Lisa is able to achieve.
Her breath itches when the blonde flexes, and twirls, and smirks just for the fun of it, and something stirs in the depth of her soul. Something that makes her jaw go slack for a second, her heart catch a quicker beat all of the sudden.
When it’s over, the spell settles. Lisa turns around to look at her with puppy eyes again, silently asking for her opinion, and Jennie needs a few seconds to come up with the right words.
“You are… amazing. You know that?”, the blonde smiles at her words, and she can’t help but to feel satisfied, “You know that. You don’t need me to say it”.
Lisa sighs, clearly content, and lowers her still buzzing body down to lie on top of her now complaining friend.
“I know, but I love to her you say it”.
Jennie faintly thinks that she should be annoyed at her friend resting her sweaty weigh on top of hers.
But it’s Lisa. And it’s difficult to be annoyed at Lisa.
“Brat”, she mumbles.
The blonde chuckles, and then lets out a cat-like sound as she closes her eyes.
“I’m your brat, though. It seems more like your problem than mine”.
Jennie bites her lower lip to suppress a smile, and looks at the clock mentally counting the performances she will be able to fit in before Lisa begs her to go buy some food.
-
Lisa blinks rapidly to keep her tears at bay in front of her friend.
Jennie, on the other hand, is crying openly, her soft face, flushed in deep red, buried in between her hands.
The blonde can only look at her, somehow hurt too, and rub smoothing circles against her back.
They are sitting on Jennie’s bed, a soft golden light entering from the curtain-covered windows, the lighting creating a somber, melancholic shadow against her friend’s expression.
Lisa thinks about something to say, a single comforting word to at least make the sobbing that her friend has broken into diminish a tiny bit.
Jennie breathes deeply on her own, though, and attempts to brush her hot tears away from her cheeks.
Lisa helps, desperate, placing her palms at the side of her friend’s face, using her thumbs to catch every single sign of distress. She hates it so much, seeing her like that. It makes her want to fix the entire world just for her.
“I… I know that this is stupid”, Jennie mumbles between hiccups, and the blonde frowns deeply, feeling her heart aching in overwhelming empathy.
“Of course not. It’s not stupid”.
“I am stupid, “Jennie insist, “falling like this… after just a few months. I should have known. It started wrong, and-”.
“You are not stupid, Jennie”, the blonde interrupts, and tilts her friend’s face up so their eyes can meet.
The brunette stares only, her eyebrows crunched in pain, her mouth pouted in the brink of a sob. It fills Lisa with dread, and she blinks to contain her own tears again.
“You fell for him. And that’s okay. It should be beautiful”, the blonde continues. The uncomfortable knot straining her own voice tightening, but Lisa fights against it. “It’s… Is there a way…” she struggles, feeling uncomfortable, the idea of strong arms keeping her friend close making her feel weird, but she tries anyways, “Don’t you guys want to try again? I mean, everything is out now”.
Jennie’s tears become fewer. She sighs, closing her eyes and placing her own hands on top of her friend’s.
“No. We are not… it’s not meant to be, I think. We are in different pages. We don’t seem to make it work”.
Another wave of sadness hits her, and she lets out another sob.
Lisa pulls her closer, now allowing the brunette to hide her pained face against her neck.
It makes her feel better. She will make sure that Jennie is safe, no matter what.
“I don’t even know what I’m mourning”, the brunette murmurs after a short while.
Lisa listens, feels Jennie’s voice vibrating against her clavicle, buries her hand in deep chocolate curls.
“I mean… he is great, truly, but… I think I will miss the feeling more than anything. Feeling normal”.
The blonde understands, so she remains silent. She hums, just so her friend knows that she’s there, always there, but refrains from answering. Instead, she presses two kisses against Jennie’s temple.
They stay like that, shattered and soft until the brunette’s breathing becomes steadier again and the whole in her chest stops aching too painfully.
Jennie pulls away slightly, and Lisa stares at her with utmost attention as she leans back to retrieve something from her night table. When she is back, the brunette holds a silver necklace both with care and solemnity.
“Is that…?” the blonde begins, not exactly knowing what to say.
“His. Yeah. It’s time for closure”.
Lisa stares at her friend for a second, feeling pride swelling in her chest. It shouldn’t surprise her, really, given how professional, how hard-working, how strong her friend is that she is taking such sensible steps.
It makes her gaze at her in amazement, nevertheless.
Jennie realizes, and despite of everything, feels a giggle tickling in her throat.
“What? I’m heartbroken, but I can still make good decisions. I’ll probably send it by mail. I can’t think about another impersonal way that is less risky”.
Lisa nods, and Jennie stands. She lends her friend her hand, like asking. The blonde doesn’t hesitate to comply and help her pack the necklace.
Twenty minutes later, with their task already fulfilled, they stand close to each other, letting the moonlight soak their thoughts.
“Chapter finished”, Jennie murmurs.
Lisa brings her friend’s hand close to her mouth to leave feather kisses on her knuckles.
The brunette stares at her for a few intense seconds before smiling.
“You know? You have been with me in so many chapters, I think that you are already a main character”.
The blonde chuckles, feeling a mushy feeling awakening her heart.
“I hope you are not considering writing me off”.
Jennie smiles, the pale light making her cat-like eyes seem impossibly bright.
“Of course not, darling. You are crucial for the plot”.
Lisa grins, all teeth and sparkles, and Jennie presses her friend’s hand against her own chest, right where her heart swirls with warm healing.