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Things have changed between Shepard and Garrus. It started when she helped him hunt down and kill Sidonis. Afterwards it felt like all barrieres between them were gone. All the formality the chain of command demanded of them and all the awkwardness from being separated for two years gone, just like that. Instead of Commander and subordinate, they are close friends. And soon more than that.
Everything goes remarkably well for a few months, uncharacteristically well even. Shepard feels safe with Garrus, understood. He always has her back, both on the battlefield and in moral dilemmas. It’s good to have someone by her side who feels and thinks like she does. But then Garrus goes back to Palaven and Shepard gets put under house arrest on earth and they are separated once again.
She gets back to him of course. Frankly, if Garrus hadn’t been on Menae, Shepard would have landed on Palaven and dragged him out herself. Once they are back on the Normandy, in private, she wraps her arms around him and doesn’t let go for at least five minutes. Garrus hugs back, burying his face in her hair. “I missed you.”
Shepard smiles. “I missed you too.”
They pick up almost exactly where they left off, but something is different. Garrus is still there for her, still has her back, but he doesn’t seem as secure or comfortable about it. He regularly doesn’t talk to her on the ride back from mission, only showing up in her cabin later that evening or night. And then there’s not a lot of talking. Shepard still notices though, so she decides to confront him about it. “You seem grumpy and it’s not cute.”
Garrus tilts his head. “Grumpy?”
“In a bad mood, disgruntled, a killjoy”, Shepard sighs. “You’re always really quiet after missions.”
“Yeah”, he draws out the word “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just….I have been thinking.”
She raises an eyebrow “What exactly?”
“You shouldn’t have let me kill Sidonis.”
Shepard is taken aback. This is not the response she expected. “You wanted to do it.”
“I was emotional, you should have stopped me.”
“Well”, she formulates her response carefully, looking for the right words. “I trusted you to make the right call. I always trust you to make the right call. You might regret it now, but it was your choice, not mine.”
“You’re my commanding officer.”
Shepard let’s out a barking laugh. “I’m more than that. We both know I was more than that even then. I trust you to make your own choices, Garrus and I like the choices you make. Do not make me responsible for your decisions when you have earned the right to make them.”
Garrus sighs, resting his head against the bed’s headboard. “Thank you for your trust but...we need to be able to stop each other, Shep. I don’t want you to let me run into my demise unquestionably and hope you don’t want me to let you.”
She nods, slowly. “Okay. I still think you made the right call with Sidonis, but okay. I’m gonna look out for your mental state.”, Shepard rests her head on his chest and Garrus immediately wraps an arm around her. “Just...please always have my back even if I’m ruthless. Especially then. I need you. I can’t do this alone.”
“Of course”, Garrus presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m by your side. I always will be.”
Shepard sighs in relief. Because even someone like her, someone not afraid to make the harsh call, needs someone to be there for her. She couldn’t imagine doing any of this without Garrus, being alone. He is her support and she has to be his. Always. No Shepard without Vakarian.