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I.
Jaemin and Renjun have known each other for three years. They met in one of the music organizations in their university. The UP Music Circle provides a ground for music enthusiasts, encouraging them to pursue their passion and fulfill their dream to become music performers. Upon knowing that they share a few similar interests, the two felt an instant connection between them. The early days of their friendship were all about discoveries— their preferred music genres, favorite songs and artists.
Jaemin learned that Renjun is into mellow. He prefers non-mainstream artists, but it doesn’t mean he cannot appreciate numerous songs from popular OPM bands. In fact, some of them are usually on-repeat in his playlists. Unlike Renjun, Jaemin’s taste is much flexible. He’s more about the vibe and meaning. He prefers songs that hit close to home, something that speaks to him and his feelings.
Soon, they began exchanging song recommendations, as if an indirect way of saying, “I remember you in this song. I’m sure you would love this”. Until they found themselves engaged in deep conversations—secret doors have been opened, allowing them to know each other better.
They were walking along the Academic Oval, heading to the jeepney stop. The road was surrounded by tall and fully grown Acacia trees, creating lush canopies around it which gave people a shade from the blazing mid-afternoon sun. “Grabe ‘di ko na talaga kaya. Ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko sa Trigo pati Calculus. May ipapasa pa ‘kong tatlong plates!” Renjun grumbled, scratching his nape in distress. He’s an architect major, yet despite the overwhelming amount of course load, he’s still able to manage both his studies and their club. He just finished his afternoon class and Jaemin went to his building after rehearsals so that they could meet before going home.
“Kaya mo ‘yan, ang galing galing mo nga eh. Org life sabay Archi. Konti na lang, Jun. Nagreview ka na ba?” Jaemin consoled, patting Renjun’s shoulder.
He looked up at Jaemin with pleading eyes, as if asking not to let him do such thing before shaking his head, “Sabog na sabog na utak ko, gusto ko na lang...”
“Uminom habang nagvi-videoke tapos sasayaw kapag nalasing.” Both of them continued, uttering the exact words at the same time. They exchanged looks before bursting into laughter. It was a story Renjun told before, about him getting drunk right after his examinations during junior high school. Jaemin had been so familiar with Renjun’s stories as the guy loves to share his encounters whenever they’re chatting. Jaemin doesn’t mind at all, though. In fact, he finds Renjun very interesting and he’s grateful that the latter trusts him enough to tell him everything that’s going on with his life. Besides, he enjoys watching Renjun as he speaks. The way his face lights up—sparkling eyes turning crescent and lips curling up into a smile when he’s talking about the things he love or something that he finds hilarious. It’s a pure bliss.
Renjun’s voice is mellifluous—sweet and soothing to ears. It’s mesmerizing; too delicate it can lull you to sleep, yet strong enough to keep you alive. It’s been attested countless of times that once you hear him sing, it’s impossible for you not to ask for more. Apart from his voice, Renjun holds a powerful stage presence too. He doesn’t just stand, sing his piece and bow as people dedicate him a round of applause. Rather, he sings with passion, conveying the right emotion within each line of the lyrics.
The first time Jaemin had witnessed Renjun sing was during an open stage held by their club to welcome the incoming freshmen for the school year. Renjun seemed very much prepared with his song number as he stood confidently in front of the audience, holding an acoustic guitar that lies against his small frame. He performed the then newly released single of Ben&Ben, Maybe the Night. The song matched his saccharine voice perfectly. Renjun’s performance was soulful. He poured forth a surge of emotions through his singing. His expressions were tender. Eyes closed and a smile playing on his lips, implying how pleasant it is to be in love, like sitting by the fire together, under the night sky filled with stars. I’ve never been more certain, I will love you ‘til we’re old. Jaemin gazed at him in awe, never missing the way his heart thrum against his chest.
Jaemin, on the other hand, is a born musician. At a very young age, he’d been immensely fond of anything related to music. As he was raised in a religious family, he and his mother never missed attending Sunday services. This allowed him to witness a grand spectacle that is the church’s music ministry. Stunned, he found himself itching to try all those musical instruments which his mom greatly supported. His fingers moved swiftly the first time he held a guitar. Brushing and pressing like it’s the most natural thing in the world. From there he knew that every single part of his hands are made for those wooden sound objects.
Jaemin’s talent in playing various musical instruments is truly impressive. He can play percussions mainly drums; strings such as guitar and violin; and keyboard which is his forte. Having such versatility, their club considers him as one of their aces. Whenever they hold an event or gig, he’s being given greater tasks which is an advantage to him as it gives him more chance to improve and at the same time, showcase his exceptional skills. There are times he’s assigned to play two or three different song numbers, sometimes asked to be in charge of the sound system and even tried composing political-themed song. With all the potentials each of them own, and for them to be able to perform in various gigs and events, they’ve decided to start a band along with some friends.
II.
They were circled in front of the hall where they usually do their rehearsals. Seated on a short, wide granite stairs at the entrance, the group were brainstorming of what they would call their band. “Ba’t di na lang... ‘Save Me, Renjun’?” Jaemin raised his suggestion, emphasizing each word while doing an extravagant gesture in the air. Questioning looks were thrown at him beforeRenjun snorted. “Gagi! Seryoso kasi.” He’s serious though. Albeit not many, a few local bands used this style of putting a person’s name in their band’s just like Ang Bandang Shirley and Parokya ni Edgar. Jaemin thought it’s quite fair to include Renjun’s name since he’s their center and main vocalist. Besides, it’s pretty and unique on its own. Cliché as it may sound, but the reason why he’d come up with the phrase “Save Me” was simply because Renjun’s existence is like a ray of sunshine. He might get snarky at times, still, he brings easiness to those people around him. He listens very well and doesn’t hesitate to encourage anyone with his wise words. It’s truly comforting, indeed a salvation.
“Hmm, Puhon!” Renjun gushed, drawing the attention of his bandmates. His voice was full of enthusiasm, hinting that he personally likes his suggestion. It was evident that the said word was all new to them as cluelessness was painted across their faces. Hyuck, the band’s guitarist and lead vocalist, managed to throw a pun, “Puhon? Para namang pandesal, pre.”
‘Tanga! Puhon, hindi pugon!” Renjun retorted, threatening to hurl the empty water bottle in his hand towards the guitarist’s direction.
“Eh, ano ba meaning no’n?” Jeno cut in between the two’s bickering. He’s one of the best drummers from their club. He’s expert in performing special techniques on sticks and pedals. Not only he has the ability to accurately strike targets on the drumset, but he also has the charm that strikes the hearts of every audience.
“It’s a Cebuano word. Nabasa ko lang kasi ta’s nagandahan ako. Meaning daw no’n in God’s time, hopefully, or someday.” Aahhh. The group exclaimed in unison, seemingly astonished by their new discovery. Jaemin found himself pondering at its meaning while his eyes were trained on the vocalist. The word may sound peculiar since it came from a different dialect but it conveys a beautiful message. It’s quite sappy yet very sentimental. Renjun really does have a taste, he thought. He didn’t realized he’d been staring for too long until the latter looked at his way, raising his eyebrows as he tilt his head. Jaemin shook his head and offered a gentle smile which Renjun returned with a sweet one. Puhon.
III.
“Hello, Jaem. San ka na?”
“Malapit na ‘ko. Pababa na.”
“Dito ‘ko sa tapat ng Vinzons Hall ah.”
“Sige, kumain ka na?”
“Mamaya na. Ingat!” Renjun finally hangs up, placing his phone back to his jeans’ front pocket. Since UP Fair is a night event anyway, he didn’t bother to put on an excessive outfit; wearing only a loose black statement shirt from Linya-Linya that’s partially tucked in his faded jeans. He turns slightly to get a view of the venue from where he’s standing. It is situated in the middle of a vast basin-shaped, low-level open field known as the Sunken Garden. Despite the inky darkness that envelops the night sky, the whole event is so vibrant, making it stand out across the area. The stage is studded with luminous color-changing lights that dance all over the place, random pop music booming from gigantic speakers.
Renjun feels a light tap on his shoulder and is greeted by Jaemin who’s beaming at him. “Jun, sorry. Kanina ka pa?” He asks. Renjun briefly scans the guy’s attire. He’s sporting a classic blue denim jacket over a plain white top that hugs his lean, firm physique. It’s paired with a black pants and sneakers, completely rocking that cool casual look. Jaemin is undeniably handsome. And the way he confidently carries himself in different fashion styles makes him even more attractive. “Di naman. Naks, pormado tayo ah.” The other grins wider at the comment and replies, “Syempre, pogi.” Renjun fake gags. Chuckling, Jaemin reaches up and ruffles his hair playfully. “Tara na nga.”
They make their way to the gates where the ticket booth is located. Good thing, they arrive quite early as the queue to the entrance isn’t that long. When it’s finally their turn, Jaemin immediately hands their tickets to the organizers. A stamp of the fair’s official logo and a glossy paper strap are distributed to them before they are instructed to enter the grounds. UP Fair is a week-long event of the university that celebrates music and art. What makes this event exceptional is that per night, it has specific advocacies to promote into the limelight. Like this time, they are advocating for freedom of expression and gender emancipation and empowerment. There are several activities that can be done aside from witnessing the talented artists perform onstage. Around the area, carnival games and rides such as Ferris wheel, Roller Coaster and Octopus are built. There are also free-flowing booze, food concessionaires and random trinket shops.
It is the fifth night of the fair which also happen to be Friday. Perhaps that’s the reason why it’s filled with a larger crowd compare to the previous nights. People are scattered around the venue while others are starting to gather in front of the stage. Some have come in groups, however, there’s a noticeable amount of couples in sight. Hands intertwined, snuggled against each other as though they are afraid to lose their lover in the sea of people. Not to mention the presence of red roses, mini heart-shaped balloons and teddy bears along with them. Jaemin almost forgot that it’s Valentine’s Day. Having that thought in mind, he glances at the guy standing next to him; eyes gleaming, face can barely conceal the wonder from what he’s seeing. When he looks up at Jaemin, takes his arm and tugs him towards the nearest spot where they can get a nice view of the performers, Jaemin thinks that this is enough. More than enough.
“Jun, wait. Tara kain muna tayo. Diba di ka pa kumakain?” Jaemin stops, motioning his head to the direction of the food stalls at the side. He remembers that Renjun hasn’t eaten yet and Jaemin knows he wouldn’t be able to convince him to leave their spot once the concert started. Renjun follows Jaemin’s gaze which gives him a full view of delightful food stalls, looking so inviting. He immediately nods and without a second thought, he leads the both of them towards that area. “G! Nagugutom na rin talaga ako.”
They stroll along the food lane as they look for something to fill their stomachs. Food is one of the best things in gigs and events. You can indulge yourself with the menus they serve while you jam to the performing bands. There are various snacks and delicacies to choose from the stalls, some are even famous within the university. Hotdogs. Waffles. Fries and burgers. Nachos. Shawarma and tacos. Fruit slushies and lemonades. Though most of the food are mouthwatering, the prices are incredibly affordable and student budget friendly.
“Ano sayo?” Jaemin asks, checking on Renjun as he carefully decide what he’ll get. His lips are moving from side to side before finally answering, “Gusto ko hotdog sandwich, eto ah yung brown.” Renjun points at the chicken flavored hotdogs lying flat inside the hotdog steamer machine. Jaemin nods his head and turns to order.
“Ate dalawa nga pong hotdog sandwich. Isang chicken flavored tapos yung isa classic lang.” Jaemin requests, smiling politely at the stall owner. She begins to prepare their sandwiches and while they wait for it to be served, Jaemin lets Renjun choose for their drinks. Renjun suggests to get fruit lemonades saying it’s healthy and refreshing. They buy two large cups, strawberry for him and peach flavor for Jaemin since he’s not really a big fan of strawberries. As they receive their orders, they look for a place to eat and thankfully, there’s an unoccupied eating bar not far from where they’re standing.
“Jaem, tikim nga ko n’yang sa’yo.” Renjun mutters while munching his sandwich, cheeks half full. Jaemin chuckles at his cuteness. He doesn’t mind to share his though, and so he motions the bread near Renjun’s lips to feed him. The gesture makes Renjun fluster. He backs his head a little before smiling sheepishly. “Tangek ako na nakakahiya.” Renjun takes the sandwich from Jaemin’s hand before taking a huge bite on it. They devour their snacks while observing the entire fair, enjoying the sight of its grand amusements. Jaemin asks Renjun whether he likes to try the thrilling rides as it seems exciting. Besides, the fair only happens once a year and it would be a miss for them not to try such fun activities. Renjun, however, reasons that he prefers to enjoy the concert more and of course, Jaemin respects that. After all, he only wants to make sure that Renjun will have fun the rest of this night. As soon as they finish eating, they immediately head back to the concert grounds.
Not long after, the concert officially commences. An energetic and humorous MC brings herself onstage. She’s constantly throwing witty punch lines in between greetings and announcements, making the audience laugh in hysterics. The crowd begins to hype up as she announce the artists and bandsthat will perform for tonight. Autotelic, IV of Spades, Lola Amour, Moonstar88, Reese Lansangan, Ben&Ben, SUD, Orange and Lemons, Munimuni, Rico Blanco, Eraserheads. Both Jaemin and Renjun are aware of the lineup as they agreed to attend on this specific night after checking and considering the list of performers throughout the week-long fair.
The concert grounds is already jam-packed. Thankfully, Renjun’s able to find them a good spot. They are now situated at the left side, just a few rows away from the stage. Though it isn’t really up front, it’s near enough for them to see the performers. The artists come up on stage as they are called. Each of them have brought spectacular numbers for the audience. The atmosphere is filled with excitement. Loud cheers and rounds of applause explode as the bands begin to bang their musical instruments and proceed to play their greatest hits. Multi-colored stage lighting flickers and moves along the beat of the music, boosting the mood of the crowd all the more.
Everyone seems enjoying the music performances. Multiplemobile phones are lifted, hands barely moving, careful not to mess their video recording over their favorite band. The lineup serves various music genres which include alternative rock, chill acoustic and mellow that suits the taste of anyone from the audience. It’s now Ben&Ben’s turn to perform. People are cheering loudly at the mention of their name. The indie folk band opens their performance and begins to serenade the crowd with their 2019 hit song, Araw Araw. The song is mellow— soft and romantic. It’s about expressing your genuine love to someone by choosing them every single day. Mahiwaga, pipiliin ka sa araw araw. Mahiwaga— the one who brings awe, magic and wonder to your life. The one who makes the mundane marvelous. All the audience jam and sing along at the top of their lungs, creating a sonorous cheer and harmony throughout the entire concert grounds. The band is splendid, performing in a soulful way. Each member is full of emotion as they move passionately, too careful and skilled in playing their respective instruments. Their bodies sway and sync to the rhythm of the song. Jaemin begins to bob his head and sings slightly as they reach the bridge part. Payapa sa yakap ng iyong hiwaga. He catches Renjun too engross with the performance—singing his heart out with one arm raised, rocking his body along with every beat. Jaemin finds himself adoring the sight. Not wanting to miss the moment, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and quickly opens his camera app. He points the camera at his subject and he’s is thankful that he’s standing a little behind Renjun. This gives a better angle to take a few breathtaking shots of him with the stage as his background.
In order to arrange the setup of musical instruments, there’s a momentary interval for every artist. The concert proceeds to the next band. SUD enters the stage and before they start, the vocalist takes a short time to engage with the audience. With a loud and enthusiastic voice, he asks if everyone is having fun and if all of them are ready for their song number. He introduces the song they’re about to perform as something that can be used to express your hidden feelings for someone. It seems that many could relate to the scenario as dramatic clamor resonates within the crowd.
Jaemin is already aware what song it is though. Aside from the fact that the indie rock band is quite known in the country, as they've produced a few hits in the previous years, it’s actually the song he secretly dedicates to Renjun. Sila. There are times where we get reminded of someone when we listen to a certain music and when Jaemin stumbled across this song, it was Renjun who first crossed his mind. SUD begins to execute the intro. Jaemin recognizes that they’re playing the acoustic version which makes it more relaxed, tuneful and romantic. It hits differently compare to the original one, rousing his concealed feelings from the inside. His heart pounding hard against his chest, matching the rhythm of every strum on the acoustic guitar. The lyrics is loud and clear and Jaemin somehow wishes that the message will reach Renjun. It’s for him. It’s all about him.
Ngiti mo lang ang nakikita ko
Tauhin man ang silid
Jaemin glances at Renjun.
Walang papantay sa’yo
Maging sino man sila
Ikaw ang araw sa tag-ulan
At sa maulap kong umaga
“Renjun gusto kita. Gustong gusto.” Jaemin whispers, in the midst of a large crowd who sings in chorus. Jaemin is confident that his confession was inaudible. Besides, he doesn’t really mind whether Renjun was able to catch it or not. He just wants to try voicing it out, even at least once. Jaemin values their friendship more than anything and he doesn’t want to ruin it if ever Renjun doesn’t feel the same way. He’s worried that things will change, that they might end up being uncomfortable with each other. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to lose his chance if ever there is. The problem is that he has no idea when will be the right time to tell him. He’s been harboring his feelings for years now and to let it out, despite the possibility of not being heard, still brings a relief. Renjun’s reaction doesn’t seem to change though. Sparkling eyes fixed on the performers. His delicate face illuminates from the constant flash of the stage lights. Soft lips faintly moving as he sing along to some part of the song. He’s always been so captivating, beautiful in Jaemin’s eyes.
The rest of the lineup goes all out with their performance, rocking the whole concert grounds. Eraserheads, one of the most popular bands in the 90’s, pumped up the crowd once again as they conclude the concert with their hit single, Ligaya. This one is alternative rock, upbeat and much more energetic compare to the previous song numbers. Everyone is having a blast, grooving and jumping at the center. The concert eventually ends with both of them feeling elated. Attending night gigs and music festivals is one of their favorite things to do when they hang out. Jaemin turns to Renjun only to see him beaming from ear to ear. Despite the weariness that is evident across his face, Jaemin is certain that he had a great time.
The blackness of the sky was absolute earlier. Now it softens into misty bluish color, signaling that dawn’s early light will soon arise on the horizon. People start leaving, scatter around the field as they make their way out of the concert grounds. Jaemin and Renjun walks along the Academic Oval, same as their normal routine after rehearsals. They are heading towards the jeepney stop going to Katipunan Avenue where Renjun’s apartment is situated. Jaemin, on the other hand, will take the opposite route and just like what he usually does, he’ll let Renjun ride home first. They stroll in silence, already contented with each other’s presence.
They finally reach the terminal. Luckily, there’s already a jeepney in front of it. It’s almost full with a minimal space left that’s good for two to three passengers. Jaemin halts from walking. He pats Renjun’s shoulder gently, making the latter turn to him. They’re standing close to each other with just a few inches between them.
“ Oy, i ngat ka.”
Renjun hums and nods softly. Jaemin can hardly explain it but the moment feels like it turns into a slow motion. There’s no sense of rush in the atmosphere despite the fact that the jeepney driver is waiting for them to ride in. Renjun doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry either. From Jaemin’s observation, he seems caught up in his thoughts, as if contemplating about what he’ll do next. He fidgets a bit and lets out a sigh before looking up at Jaemin. Their eyes instantly meet and Renjun finally speaks.
“Jaem…” He trails, pausing for a second before continuing. “Gusto rin kita. Gustong gusto.” He holds their eye contact for a moment, staring at Jaemin with an earnest gaze before his lips stretch into a sweet smile. He doesn’t give the other a chance to speak as he backs away, giving Jaemin a small wave. The jeepney starts leaving as soon as Renjun rides the vehicle.
Jaemin stands there with wide eyes and mouth open. He blinks a few times, trying to process what have just happened. So Renjun really did hear it, judging from the way he mimicked the words Jaemin whispered to him earlier at the concert. Jaemin is aware that he doesn’t have any sleep yet so he’s sure that he’s not just dreaming. He smiles dumbly at his phone as he start hitting Renjun’s number, typing a message for him.