Work Text:
How bad can she possibly be? Yoosung thought to himself when Seven sent over her profile. He’d been told that he was taking over the client because Zen finally got a Soulmate subscription! Granted, Yoosung was happy for him… he needed the money after all to help with his mother’s hospital bills. But Yoosung couldn’t help the little green monster from rearing its head. Why couldn’t he get a soulmate subscription? And such a cute one at that! Zen had shared Yu’s application with him and he could see why the actor was so excited. She was beautiful and, from what he could tell from her responses, she was funny and down-to-earth. Instead of getting his own Soulmate subscription, Yoosung was stuck getting a second-hand “eccentric” client from Zen.
After responding to Seven with an affirmative response, he opened up his email and read through her re-application that she’d had to fill out before the transfer. He definitely wasn’t prepared for what he read.
Name: Nan
Age: 25
Career: Yoo-tuber
Likes: Shopping, vlogging, and sex
Dislikes: Clingy guys, desperate guys, boring guys
- Reason for choosing our company: Let’s cut to the chase. You already have my previous profile so whoever screens these should have already told you by now that I’m one of your best and most loyal customers. I enjoy deep meaningful talks with someone who can keep up with me in conversation [and in the sheets ;) ]. I’m not going to fill out the rest of the questions because it’s a waste of my time. Just text me already and I’ll tell you everything you want to know. You are my new boyfriend after all!
- How did you meet your boyfriend?: [response left blank by user]
- How long have you been dating?: [response left blank by user]
- First date? : [response left blank by user]
- Any pet names?: [response left blank by user]
- When would you like him to contact you?: [response left blank by user]
- Tell us about your friends/family: [response left blank by user]
Was this girl serious? Best customer? He’s pretty sure she’s called the cops multiple times on Zen for not answering her calls. She was definitely full of herself. And she couldn’t be a very successful yoo-tuber since he had never heard of her…. Maybe he would do a google search to see if he could learn more. He hit the green accept button to add her contact to his phone and opened his web browser on his computer only to be barraged with an incessant number of incoming text messages to his phone. He stared down at it like it had grown a head as he waited for it to stop vibrating and looked at the notification screen.
27 NEW MESSAGES!
From: Nan
[Nan]
Yoosungie!! Have you accepted my profile yet???
Hello???
Yoooooosungggggggg
I guess you haven’t accepted it yet!
Hurry up I’m bored
YOOSUNG
I miss you :(
I wish you would respond already
I’m thinking about you ;)
*sigh* Shame you aren’t answering your phone
I’m doing all kinds of naughty things
Don’t you want to join me?
How long does it take to accept my profile????
Ughhh is this thing broken?
Yoosung stared at his screen in shock. The messages went on and on in the same fashion, with the first message having a timestamp of only 20 minutes ago! He bit his lip as he hesitated. How should he even respond? He took a deep breath and typed up his standard first message.
[Yoosung]
Hello, Nan. It’s nice to finally meet you. I look forward to our relationship. Is there anything you think I should know moving forward?
He hit send and it only took a few seconds before a response zoomed in.
[Nan]
Yoosung! Hi!
How are you??? I’ve missed you!
Missed me? Yoosung stared at the message, confused. She’s never even met me before. Maybe she’s one of the girls who likes to jump into it, skipping the pretenses and pretending they’ve already established a lasting relationship. He sighed and tried to roll with it.
[Yoosung]
I’ve missed you too. How is your day going?
[Nan]
Better now that you’re here (;
Actually, I was just thinking that we should go see a movie!
Better yet, you should come over and we can watch a movie at my place (;
Yikes. This was going to be much worse than he thought. Yoosung decided that if he was going to be stuck with her, he should set some ground rules and remind her of the contract.
[Yoosung]
I’m glad to hear that, Nan. But I know you’re aware that your subscription does not include face-to-face meetings. If you would like to do so, you can submit a request to upgrade to our “Soulmate” subscription.
Yoosung shuttered just thinking about it. Messaging her for the last couple minutes was already proving to be rather difficult. The last thing he needed was to be contractually obligated to go on dates with the girl.
[Nan]
I don’t know what you’re talking about silly!
You’re my boyfriend!
Don’t you want to come see me???
I can show you what you’re missing (;
Yoosung closed his eyes for a moment in exasperation. She is actually delusional. He opened his eyes to start formulating a response when an incoming image popped up and he saw…. much more of Nan than he wanted to.
Yoosung jumped, dropping his phone to the floor and covering his eyes. It’s not like he’s never seen a naked woman before, he had actually received multiple nudes from clients. But he never received one after only 5 minutes of conversation!
I can’t do this. He scrambled on the ground for his phone and immediately started a text to seven, ignoring the many typos in favor of sending the text as soon as possible.
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Seven’s eyes trailed across his setup of screens to find the source of the notification going off. There was a violation of a contract somewhere…. Ah! It was Nan. No surprise there.
She works fast , he thought to himself with a wry smile. He quickly opened up her most recent message to find a photograph of herself on her bed completely in the nude. She had already had two legal strikes, and Seven smirked at the fact that he finally had a reason to cancel her contract without any liability on his part. With just a few keystrokes, he had cancelled her contract, sent her a refund for her remaining funds on her account, deleted her profile, banned her from the site, and blocked her number from everyone’s phones.
Truthfully, he had hoped that she would tease Yoosung a little more before having to be banned, as he always enjoyed playing pranks on the blonde, but he couldn’t deny that he was glad to be rid of her once and for all. Almost as if on cue, Seven’s phone went off signaling a message.
[Yoosung]
Seven! SHE SENT ME NUDWS!!!!!@!@ ITS ONYL BEEN 5 MINUTES!!!! HELP
Seven chuckled to himself.
Maybe he could have some fun with Yoosung after all. He leaned back in his seat and cracked his knuckles before picking up his phone, already formulating a plan in his head. As he began typing a response, the smirk on his face was nothing but sadistic.
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[Seven]
This is an automated message from the desk of God 707: Defender of Justice! I am currently unable to respond. If this is an urgent matter, please respond with URGENT and your message will be delivered. If the matter is not urgent, please try again later.
Yoosung ran his hands through his hair, tugging desperately on the bleached strands. Fuck it.
[Yoosung]
URGENT
[Seven]
Sorry, your request was not completed.
If this is an urgent matter, please respond with URGENT and your message will be delivered. If the matter is not urgent, please try again later.
[Yoosung]
URGENT
[Seven]
Sorry, your request was not completed.
If this is an urgent matter, please respond with URGENT and your message will be delivered. If the matter is not urgent, please try again later.
[Yoosung]
WHAT THE FUCK
SEVEN
URGENT
ITS URGENT
[Seven]
Profanity will not help us to expedite your request.
If this is an urgent matter, please respond with URGENT and your message will be delivered. If the matter is not urgent, please try again later.
I’m going to kill him
[Yoosung]
URGENT
[Seven]
Thank you for attempting to contact God 707: Defender of Justice. You have exceeded your allotted attempts at contact for the day. Your messages will be delivered at God 707’s earliest convenience. Have a nice day.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”
♫ DING ♫
Yoosung quickly glanced down at his phone in excitement… hoping that finally his messages got through to Seven, but it was just another text from Nan.
[Nan]
Yoosungie!
Why are you ignoring me?
Don’t you love me anymore?
I’d love to play some games with you (;
Your profile says you’re a gamer… Why don’t you show me what those thumbs can do (;
Yoosung groaned out loud, fighting the urge to just throw his phone at the wall. She couldn’t text him if his phone was broken after all. But then his phone ringtone made him jump, looking down to see her Name and he shuddered. He really did not want to answer this call.
After a moment of him holding his breath and closing his eyes, the phone stopped ringing. Maybe she would leave a voicemail and he could pretend he was just asleep.
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ INCOMING CALL FROM NAN ♬♫♪ ♩
Or not…
He considered turning off his phone, but instead tried to call Seven. Maybe he would answer a phone call. Unfortunately, his phone went straight to voicemail advising yoosung that he was “unexpectedly out of the office and will respond to all calls at his earliest convenience.”
Out of office??? This is his personal cell phone!
Once he left his panicked message and hung up, his phone rang through 3 more times from Nan, with multiple texts in between the failed calls ranging from sexual to frustrated to apologetic.
Finally, the phone stopped ringing and he sighed a breath of relief. He didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t want to bother Zen. He could definitely handle this client on his own. At least, that’s what he thought, until another call came in. This time, he didn’t recognize the number.
Yoosung debated letting it go to voicemail, but what if it was Seven? He prayed that it wasn’t Nan calling from someone else’s phone, and he held his breath before clicking “accept”.
“Hello, this is Detective Park from the Seoul Police Department. Am I speaking with a Mr. Kim Yoosung?” The deep, gravelly voice unsettled him and his stomach dropped.
Why would the police be calling me? Is Seven injured? Maybe that’s why he wasn’t answering his phone. Or what if it was his mom! Did something happen to her? What’s going on?
“Yes, I’m Kim yoosung,” He replied shakily, “Can I ask why you’re calling?” His hands shook as his mind went through all the possible reasons. He was so nervous he almost thought he could hear muffled laughter on the other line. But why would a police officer be laughing? He’s definitely imagining things.
“I am following up on a report that we just received about a domestic dispute from a Miss. Chong Nan. We received a report that you were being physically aggressive to her. We’d like you to come down to the office for questioning.”
“WHAT?” He couldn’t stop the immediate outburst, and tried to rationally explain. “No! I- wait! That’s not true! She’s one of my customers!”
“You date your customers?” The detective asked skeptically.
“No! I’m - uhm - I’m an actor. I get paid to pretend to be her boyfriend. I swear, I’ve never even met her before. I was just assigned her profile like 20 minutes ago! Officer, I swear she’s lying!” He could hear the panic in his own voice, but he couldn’t calm himself down. Why was this happening to him? Why did Zen have to give him this crazy client? And where the hell was Seven???
“Calm down, Son. There’s no need to get hysterical now. We will be following up with you shortly in person. I am sending a team to your home location now to take a statement and then your sentence will be determined.”
Yoosung floundered and sputtered into the phone and couldn’t form a response before the line went dead. STATEMENT???? SENTENCE??? He didn’t even do anything!! He couldn’t take it anymore and decided to dial up Zen’s number and ask for help. But before he could hit the call button, his screen lit up with Seven’s face and number.
IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME
He hit accept and immediately smashed the phone to his ear.
“SEVEN WHERE WERE YOU THE POLICE JUST CALLED AND THEY WANT ME TO GIVE A STATEMENT! NAN TOLD THEM I GOT PHYSICAL WITH HER I DON'T EVEN--”
“Yoosung, calm down. I’ve taken care of it. Take a deep breath.”
Yoosung took a deep shuddering breath, thankful for Seven’s quick thinking. Of course he would already know and be trying to fix it. He must have flagged her phone and seen that she had reached out to the police.
“Yoosung, I’ve cleared up what I could with the police, but Nan is still interested in you.” Seven sighed deeply into the phone before continuing. “I know you’re not going to like this, but you should probably leave your house for the foreseeable future. I’ll provide a convincing disguise!”
“A disguise?” Yoosung’s voice went up an octave, unable to hide his shock. Was she that crazy? Actually, scratch that. She called the cops on him because he wasn’t responding to her texts. He would do whatever it took to keep far away from her. He took a deep breath and responded. “Okay, yeah. I can do that.”
“Perfect. I’ve already shipped a wig to you via courier. It should be there within the next hour.”
“A wig? Can’t I just wear a hoodie and sunglasses?”
“Yoosung! Are you crazy! That’s such a basic disguise. She would see right through that instantly. Trust me. This will be the best way to keep you safe. Have I ever steered you wrong?”
Yoosung Let out a heavy sigh. Seven was always playing tricks on him, but at the end of the day he was definitely trying to protect him. How could he reject his assistance.
“Okay, I’ll try it on when it gets here. Do I have to wear it to my classes?:
“Of course! What if she’s infiltrated the university? You never know. Best to play it safe.”
Yoosung gave a grimace, knowing he was going to spend every moment in public looking around for this psycho who might be after him.
“Fineeee, but you’ll let me know as soon as it’s safe to stop wearing it right?” His desperation was clear in his voice, but he relented.
“Of course! Send me a selfie when you try it on so I can make sure it looks believable, and don’t forget to keep up with your other clients!” With that, Seven hung up and Yoosung stared down at his phone. There was only one thing left to do now….Complain to Zen about giving him his craziest client.
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[Zen]
Seven, Yoosung just told me about Nan. That’s so crazy! Not that I’m surprised. Did you cancel her contract already?
[Seven]
LOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
[Zen]
What is wrong with you? This is serious! She called the cops, Seven!
[Seven]
No she didn’t LOLOL
There were never any cops
Except for me!
Detective Park! One of the many disguises of the notorious God 707!
[Voice Memo Attached]
[Zen]
Wait, Is that you?!
Pretending to be a police officer??
Seven, he sounded super freaked out! You shouldn’t do that to him!
[Seven]
I KNOW
BUT
ZEN
LOOK
AT
THIS
[Photo Attached]
[Zen]
Is that Yoosung????
Wearing a pink wig??
What the hell??????????
[Seven]
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
GOD 707 STRIKES AGAIN!!!!