Work Text:
they always shut the curtains.
they close the window, first, make sure it’s secure. then they drape the flimsy fabric over it, taking a detour to lock their cottage door a few times before finally sliding into bed. it’s a routine, one that both of them need to have (to feel safe, so that they can sleep without the intrusive thoughts pulsing in their head, telling them someone is going to come in and take you away and you’ll -)
they always do this, first.
hinata and komaeda slip into bed at five pm, which is entirely too early (the sun’s rays still make patterns on the comforter, on the hardwood floor, giving a semblance of tropical heat even as it turns autumn), but they’ve both pulled too many all nighters, in recent time. they curl up together, komaeda’s head against hinata’s chest as the brunet nuzzles his fluffy hair, and they quietly breathe in sync.
anxieties and triggers are abundant everywhere. it’s hard to make it through a day without getting reminded once, twice, until a breakdown hits hard then nothing at all. it hurts, knowing that every glance in the mirror leads to the acknowledgement of scattered scars, random phrases popping up in conversations that leads to glazed over eyes, triggers that everyone on jabberwock is vaguely aware of but nobody knows the full story behind. it’s hard to feel secure (to even feel like a family, sometimes) when there are uncontrollable thoughts pushing them into isolation.
so, when they get soft moments like this, arms around each other as they’re surrounded in a gentle warmth, it’s relieving. relaxing. it’s safe , knowing that the other is there, that they’re mostly free from memories and flashbacks, that they aren’t alone (because god, it’s so easy to feel alone in this scary place, in hardly familiar bodies, with so much pain it seems impossible to even breathe).
komaeda adjusts himself to trace a finger along the freckles of hinata’s arm, smiling as the other sighs into his hair. komaeda’s talked about constellations, once, and how they’re buried in hinata’s skin, how he can see the stars in his phosphorus eyes, sometimes. hinata usually turns red and shrugs (sometimes, when kamukura’s fronting, he asks the other what stars he sees, and he whispers softly about the stories astronomers have made because he knows that komaeda likes them). they’re both so different, hinata and kamukura. komaeda loves them both the same.
(even though sometimes, hinata worries. worries about who he is, can’t recognize anything familiar in the mirror, filled with unfamiliar thoughts and disorientation. they both help him-- komaeda and kamukura, that is, as well as hinata’s friends-- and it’s gotten a lot better. but sometimes, hinata seems scared that he’s lesser than the person he was cruelly created to be.
or, so hinata explains it. there’s more to it, and komaeda isn’t sure if the articulation is correct, there. but komaeda doesn’t have to understand it all to reassure him. to love him.)
“i love you,” hinata mumbles against komaeda’s temple, and the other giggles. hinata gets sleepily affectionate a lot, rambling about random things that he probably wouldn’t say whilst fully conscious (it’s really cute, honestly). “‘m tired…”
“go to sleep, love,” komaeda replies, snuggling closer. hinata always has a vague scent of citrus and cinnamon. it’s always really comforting. “the door is locked,” he softly reminds, just in case.
hinata nods. he holds komaeda tighter, and he feels grounded, almost. even as he succumbs to the afternoon’s sleepy warmth. in the same nonchalant tone, hinata states, “we’re safe.”
komaeda feels his heart flutter, just slightly. partly because hinata’s really, really endearing right now, but also at his words. it’s so hard, sometimes, to reconcile with the fact that he’s safe, that they’re safe, that nothing can hurt them. logically, of course they won’t be hurt-- there’s no kidnappers or scientists or despair anymore-- but hearing it makes it real.
the two of them are real.
this is real.
“we’re safe,” komaeda affirms, stroking his thumb against hinata’s waist. he feels him shiver and smiles against his heartbeat (steady. warm. secure.) “i love you.”
(sometimes, it feels like he’s overflowing with how much he loves the other. he gets worried that it’s a bit repetitive to hear, that hinata might get annoyed by it someday. but, it always seems to brighten hinata’s mood, even if the change is ever-so-slight. which, komaeda is happy to repeat it.
he just hopes hinata never disappears, someday. never gets annoyed.)
komaeda squeezes his waist. he’s here. they’re here. they’re real, and warm, and safe.
“mm, love you too…” hinata lets out a snuffle, and his breathing slows. it doesn’t take too long for hinata to fall asleep like this, constantly overworking himself and expending all of his energy. it leads to him sleeping in the oddest of places, sometimes, where komaeda has to carry him to bed before cuddling against him. it’s something he’s fairly used to with kamukura, as well-- undeniably endearing, if not slightly concerning for hinata’s posture and health (he still remembers when hinata slept whilst accidentally dangling off the bed).
in any case, hinata sleeps easily, and he sleeps deeply. it takes komaeda… a little bit longer, but… hinata’s warm, and his arms are wrapped around him, and when he closes his eyes, he settles into a peach-tinted metaphorical cloud, and…
“goodnight,” he manages to mumble before he falls asleep as well.