Archive of Our Own ^beta

See, the thing about acrophobia is that it’s sometimes so predictably.. well - unpredictable, if that makes sense, though that would be fine if it didn’t considering he doesn’t really make any sense with anything to begin with. Basically, it’s like rising to the second floor in a mall and you get this feeling of something akin to nervous anticipation because you just know that you’re going to be afraid. Sometimes you’re right, other times you’re not. It’s hard to explain. Then again, Eijun’s always had a hard time explaining things, he’s not the most eloquent person out there. 

Anyway. Point is, he's afraid of heights. Really afraid of heights. 

It's a testament to how he has Furuya’s hand on a death grip right now. He didn’t mean for it to be Furuya, he just happened to be there walking beside him. 

They were planning on going to that fancy park Zono-senpai mentioned a few days ago. 

Nobody had warned him they would be walking the skywalk. Well, it’s not like Eijun can blame them either considering no one in the team was aware of the fact that he had acrophobia. He didn’t really like saying that. Acrophobia. It makes him feel like he’s sick. He knows that’s not the intention but he can’t help it, hell it’s not like he understands why either. And - 

Eijun’s aware he’s desperately attempting to distract himself from the fact that he was high up from the ground, the metal he was walking on didn’t feel safe under his feet. He could faintly hear his teammates taunts and teasing over the sound of his heart beating in his ears and his slightly laboured breathing, one he’s trying hard to control so that he doesn’t look too obviously afraid. He knows his hands are sweating, his feet are too. It’s cold sweat, not the type of sweat you’d get after harsh hours of practice. Eijun doesn’t realize he has his eyes closed until Furuya, the bastard, pokes him softly in the eye. 

“Eijun.” He whispers softly from beside him. 

He turns to the owner of the voice and meets the other pitcher’s blank eyes that were underlying with subtle concern. 

Trying to find his voice, he manages to crack a half-hearted grin. He’s not too sure it works but Furuya backs off a bit. It was strange to see the other pitcher expressing concern. Did he look that bad?

“Just.. let me borrow your hand for a bit-!” Eijun jolts and grips into the other’s hand even more  as he hears the loud sound of a car speeding past underneath them. Shutting his eyes tightly, he tries to gather his bearings, completely ignoring how his breathing had gotten more difficult and definitely ignoring Furuya’s own yelp of pain which reminded Eijun how he was practically crushing his left hand - thank god it wasn’t his pitching hand. 

“Oi! Stop dilly dallying up there and get down here! We don’t have all day!”

Eijun snaps his gaze down - which was a bad, bad idea, he could feel his heart jumping in his throat. Fuck. Breathe, Eijun. It was a hard feat to accomplish. He manages to tear his gaze away, already trying to forget he was at least 14 feet off the ground. You can do this. 

Suddenly feeling an odd sense of determination, he lifts his chin and forces himself to step forward despite his legs feeling like absolute jelly - not the good kind. He ignores how his legs are shaking and starts walking as fast as he can, not once looking down at all. 

Once they reach the ground, Eijun ignores the looks he gets from his teammates and immediately drops Furuya’s hand. He turns to face the other pitcher, confused as to why he’d stayed silent for the time Eijun’s been killing his hands but at the same time relieved for the exact same reason. 

Dull yet deep dark blue eyes stare back at him and Eijun can’t find it in himself to ask whatever was on his mind. He opens his mouth to say something, although what, he has no idea, when an arm slings itself around his shoulders. 

“Now, now Sawamura. You’re lucky our captain isn’t here to see this…” Kuramochi trails off as he drags Eijun to the front of the group. 

Eijun blinks slowly at that. 

Miyuki? What’s with him? 

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it when he suddenly trips on his feet. 

Truth be told, Eijun had been convinced his fear of heights wasn’t as severe as it used to be. And that was true, to some extent at least. Before, he used to avoid going anywhere that involved heights, even malls - if he could. He used to have full blown panic attacks as a kid and Eijun was thankful he didn’t do that often now that he was in high school. That would’ve been embarrassing. Though that doesn’t stop him from almost having one when he leaned on the window outside his classroom. 

His back had been facing the wall and when he didn’t feel anything as he leaned back on what he thought was a wall, which turned out to be an open and large window, his heart almost stopped. His body certainly did though. 

It was only for a slight moment but his entire body went rigid, his voice closing up on his throat. That fight or flight feeling suddenly enveloping his senses. Eijun thought, for the briefest of moments, that he was going to fall. The feeling of being grounded was washed away as anxiety shoots up his spine. 

“Eijun-kun, are you alright?” Haruichi places a hand on his arm and it’s almost funny how he instantly relaxes at that, the way he’s suddenly reminded that oh right. he’s not, in fact, falling. 

Willing the rest of the tension away from his body, Eijun grins at the pink haired boy. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” He chirps, straightening up and shoving his hands (that were starting to sweat) in his pockets. 

Haruichi stares at him for a minute, studying him and with his new haircut making his eyes visible, Eijun finds it to be a deep struggle not to squirm under those scrutinizing eyes. This is scarier than not seeing his eyes at all. 

“You know, Eijun. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re afraid.” 

And Eijun, even though he’d been expecting it, freezes. Not liking the feeling of being called out even though it was true and even though no one but them heard. No one but-

“Afraid of what?” Furuya suddenly, as if materialising out of nowhere, speaks up from beside Eijun almost making him jump three feet from the ground in surprise. 

He turns to glare at his rival, “Don’t do that!”

Furuya only blinks at him before turning to Haruichi. “Afraid of what?” he repeats. 

“I could be wrong-” you’re not “-but I think Eijun is acrophobic.” Haruichi states. 

Eijun deflates a little at that, at being exposed so easily but he trains his gaze on the both of them, alternating glances to see how they would react. They probably wouldn’t make fun of him, not like how the others would once they’d learn about it, he’s slightly surprised they didn’t take notice after that incident in the skywalk. Maybe he hadn’t been that obvious after all. Well, anyway, he knows Furuya and Haruichi won’t make fun of him but it doesn’t stop him from being wary. 

His fear of heights was something he’d kept and will continue to keep as a secret because it was humiliating. And those moments made him feel weak and vulnerable. So understandably he-

“Oh. I knew that.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, you weren’t there cause you were at the park already but Eijun almost had a panic attack while we crossed the skywalk.” 

“That’s concerning. I should’ve been there.” Haruichi mumbles. “So, what did you do?”

“Nothing. He almost crushed my hand though with how tight he was holdi-”

“Alright, alright! That’s enough!” He yells after gathering his senses. How could they be so casual about this? “We’re not talking about that anymore! You two have to promise me you wont tell anyone else, okay?” 

It was a stupid request, he knew his friends wouldn’t do anything wrong to him but he just…wants to make sure. 

“Of course.” 

It’s also stupid how relieved he feels after hearing that. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust them. They were teammates so of course he trusted them but for some reason there was this nagging feeling inside of him asking for reassurance that he’s not being made fun of. Not like..

The ringing of the bell knocks him out of his thoughts. Eijun doesn’t notice the look his two best friends share from both his sides, doesn’t notice the nod of agreement and flash of understanding and overprotectiveness as he enters the classroom to take his seat. 

Eijun often wonders just how stupid he can get. And the fact that he isn't even doing it on purpose - he's not sure what to feel about that. Like now, for example. 

They, most of the first string, were gathered in Miyuki's room because, well, it was Miyuki's room and unanimously the first strings' hang out spot. They were trying out Kuramochi's new VR set, an oculus rift or whatever it was called. Chris had gifted it to him for his 16th birthday. 

“So, what are we playing and who’s playing first?” Ryousuke asked from where he was connecting cables to the tv monitor. 

“There’s this rhythm game I found online, Beat Saber, I think it was called.” His roommate replies with a smirk as he sets up the motion sensors. 

“Oh? Is that a challenge I hear, Youichi?” 

“That depends, Ryou-san. Do you want one?” 

Ryousuke's smile suddenly seems all the more threatening and dangerous than it usually is but before he could reply, someone clears their throat. 

“Alright, enough flirting you two and finish that up.” The captain says from his spot on the floor, a shogi manual in his hands. “We’re all up for that challenge though.” 

Eijun barely manages to stop a snort as he hears that. Normally, he’d be up for a good challenge even if it was against his upperclassmen, especially if it was against his upperclassmen. But, for some odd reason, he had a bad feeling about this. There was something fishy about this that Eijun can’t put a finger on. Something inside him was faintly screaming at him to leave and seek refuge in his warm blankets in his room.

Groaning, he nuzzles his face against the pillow - Miyuki’s pillow. He decided to call dibs on the tanuki’s bed, not really in the mood to sit on the cold and hard floor despite having tatami mats. Eijun was laying on his stomach, eagle-spread on the bed. 

“Hey now, shouldn’t harassing me be enough for you? Surely you don’t have to harass my things as well?” 

Bastard. 

Lifting only his head, he glares at the smirking bastard standing over him. “I’m not harassing anything!” Eijun yells as he processes Miyuki’s taunt, then he adds as an afterthought. “Or anyone! I don’t do harassing, how dare you accuse me of such a thing!” 

If anyone could be accused of harassment it would be you, Miyuki Kazuya! He wanted to add but he settles for glaring harder as the smirk on Miyuki's face widened. 

He hears someone groan from the back of the room. 

“You just had to open your mouth and say something, huh Miyuki?” Kuramochi says dryly. 

“What are you putting the blame on me for, Kuramochi-kun? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the one yelling.” 

“Sure, but you knew what was going to happen. We could’ve done fine without the yelling for once.”

Feeling his eye twitch, he grunts and plops his head back into the pillow under him, burying his face in it. He was not in the mood to be bullied right now. Eijun can clearly smell Miyuki’s scent on the pillow. Oddly enough, the scent has an almost therapeutic effect on him as he senses himself melt into the bed even more. 

He vaguely feels the bed dip on his right, warmth emitting from the body now beside him. 

“You better not fall asleep here, Bakamura.” Miyuki mutters lowly, voice a few octaves deeper. It almost sounded downright sinful and Eijun had to suppress a shiver in reaction.

“‘m not gonna fall asleep.” He mumbles into the pillow, not really sure if Miyuki heard him, he doesn’t care much. Eijun feels too tired and sluggish.

Eijun hears Miyuki hum as he feels a hand run through his hair, nails scraping against his scalp softly and - fuck - if he could purr he would, something similar to one bubbles up in his throat and he feels the hand in his hair stop. He whines at the loss. 

“My my, Sawamura. For all your denying about being a pet, you sure act like one.” Miyuki chuckles, and Eijun thinks that he sounded sort of strained but maybe he was just imagining it. 

He feels his face heat up as he realizes what just happened and he’s about to shout a retort before he’s cut off by a familiar cackle. 

“Hyahaha! Who’s flirting now?” 

F-flirting? His eyes snap open - when did he close them? - and he’s suddenly thankful he’s buried in a pillow because he’s sure his face resembled a tomato at the moment. 

“Still you and Ryou-san.” A voice retorts from above him as Miyuki retracts his hand from his hair and Eijun has to bite his lip to make sure any embarrassing sound doesn’t escape as he mourns the lost warmth. 

“Alright! It’s starting, who’s going first?” Someone claps their hand. 

Eijun’s curious but he’s not ready to leave the bed with such a calming smell enveloping him. In the end though, curiosity wins over him and begrudgingly sits up. A part of him regrets leaving the comforting space he was in but he ignores it and glances towards the tv screen and - 

“Woah.” The lights have been turned off for maximum effect, the set up almost looked like something out of a cyberpunk movie. Eijun feels excitement bubble up inside him and he doesn’t realize he’s moved out the bed until he notices himself sitting down on the cold floor nearest the screen, staring at it in awe. 

“Me first, suckers! I’ll show you all.” Isashiki stands and puts the headset, as they called it, on his head. A rectangular shaped box covering his eyes. Someone gives him the controllers once he finishes, grin on his face like he’d just hit a homerun. 

“Show us how to fail perhaps, Jun?” Eijun hears someone taunt from beside him and he turns to see the older Kominato sitting beside him. 

Isashiki growls, pressing buttons on the controller and Eijun watches in wonder as the screen changes into what he guesses is the start of the game.  

“He’s gonna look so stupid slicing those boxes when we can’t hear the music.” Someone, probably a certain shortstop, snickers. 

The person playing, understandably, doesn’t notice and starts playing the game. 

It turns out Isashiki-senpai did look like an idiot if you were just watching him but Eijun quickly turned his attention back to the screen because it was much more interesting than watching your upperclassman flail his arms around and move like a caveman. 

Eijun is entranced as he watches on until the game ends, an A grade on the part of the screen. 

“As fun as it was to watch you resemble a monkey, Jun-san. It’s all wonky on the monitor and it’s enough to be a headache.”

“Hah?!”

“That’s true, Jun. How about let’s find another game, one that’s stimulating for both the viewers and the player.”

“Oh I’ll give you stimulating, you bastards.” 

“Oho~ kinky~”

There was a howl but Eijun doesn’t have it in himself to pay attention. His mind was still reeling over the game, it looked so fun slicing through blues and reds and he finds himself wishing he’d heard the music at the same time. It was a shame. Eijun imagines himself playing the game and he’s about to shoot up and ask to play next when he stops abruptly as his eyes fixate on the screen again. 

Buildings. Mountains. Heights. 

Fuck. 

Eijun stills. The familiar feeling of his heart being lodged up in his throat threatens to suffocate him. He can feel the sweat prickling in both his hands and feet. 

“Now this is what I call stimulating.” Kuramochi says. 

“I’ll play first, I just need to get to the other end of the pole right?” Tetsu speaks up, already wearing the headset, controllers in both hands. 

There was a sound of agreement somewhere but Eijun can’t find it in himself to pay attention. This time, for an all too different reason. 

They start the game. 

And Eijun

He – Eijun almost faints. 

“Oh wow, that’s really high.” Someone muses and Eijun shares the sentiment, though with less amusement. 

The captain takes a step forward and the screen - the view moves. Eijun feels lightheaded.

He should look away. He should stop staring. But he can’t. Idiot. He whispers harshly to himself but it barely does a thing. Eijun’s aware of how shallow his breath has gotten, how disgustingly sweaty he’s getting. But he feels cold, there’s a tight knot on his stomach and he can hear his heart ringing right in his ears. He clenches his hands. 

“Sawamura.” 

Eijun senses something rough touch his right hand and he fists on it, vaguely noticing the fabric between his sweaty palm and the solid touch. He can’t tear his gaze away from the monitor, not like how he did when he looked down from the skywalk. He can’t bring himself to stop staring, alarm bells banging loudly inside his head. Stop! Look away, damn it!

“Sawamura.”

He feels cold all over, he’s pretty sure he’s sweating though. Tiny spots are dancing dangerously in his vision and he clenches harder on the surface in his right fist. His eyes feel wet and he belatedly realizes he was starting to tear up, or he was probably already crying, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t notice how his hands are shaking, doesn’t notice how he's on the brink of hyperventilating, not when his eyes are so intently focused on the high altitude, pole under legs, nothing to hold on to. Suddenly it felt like he was the one on screen. The foreboding feeling like he was about to fall into the void consumes him. Fuck, he needs to breathe. Fuck. Fuck. 

“Sawamura!” 

Tearing his eyes away from the screen, Eijun looks down at the floor. He’s still shaking, breathing harshly like he’s been running for miles, tears are running down his cheeks, his throat feels dry. Get yourself together! He snaps his eyes shut tightly, trying to get his breathing in control. Eijun hazily notes a hand rubbing up and down his back, notes panicked voices that don't register in his mind, notes how hands were clenching around his. 

1, 2, 3, breathe in

1, 2, 3, breathe out 

Just like what they taught you. He reminds himself weakly. It’s been years since he’s lost himself like this, perhaps he jinxed himself at that time Haruichi caught him. He’d let out a bitter laugh if he could. 

Slowly but surely, Eijun composed himself. Slowly but surely, he regained his breathing and once he did, he’s slowly losing consciousness. He felt relaxed - empty. Slumping into the arms supporting his back, he lets himself drift, though not before he thinks to himself bitterly. 

Should’ve trusted my gut and left. 

It’s been a month since Eijun’s episode.

The moment he woke up, Kuramochi was immediately on his case, asking him ‘What the fuck was that, Bakamura?’ which only made him laugh, he didn’t particularly want to answer and he was glad his roommate was an observant one. After that, no one really confronted him about it except for Chris, though Eijun could sense his teammates’ lingering looks sometimes. When Chris did ask him about it, he just told him he’d rather not make it a big deal and that it really wasn’t a big deal. God knows what he would end up doing when the rest realize that he had a panic attack just because of his irrational fear of heights. 

Actually, if anyone asked him, Eijun has never felt more mortified in his life once he realized what exactly happened. What was he thinking, hyperventilating all of a sudden when the rest of the team was having fun? He swears he’s never been more ashamed of himself than that moment, not even when he wrongfully bad mouthed Chris-senpai and that was saying something. Absolutely, completely and utterly mortifying. Eijun wanted to never leave his small cocoon of blankets after that incident but he had to, there were more pressing matter at hand than his humiliating behavior regarding high places, and that was baseball.

Expectedly, baseball helped. There was something cathartic about hearing the ball smack perfectly snug into the catcher's mitt several feet in front of him. It made him forget about his stupid, stupid panic attack. Eijun thanked whatever god was up there when none of his upperclassmen approached him about the incident. If they did, then, he would avoid it, at all cost. 

It’s probably dumb how he avoids the confrontation like the plague, it’s probably not really that big of a deal either. Though Eijun doesn’t really feel that way. He’s well aware that there’s nothing wrong with being scared, he knows that, but that doesn’t make it any less… shameful. He doesn’t understand why he feels this way, doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal to him, and he’s not sure he wants to know. 

Eijun doesn’t act any different than usual after the incident, he wants to forget it and if the team notices him practicing and running more than usual then… that’s fine. That’s fine as long as there are no confrontations. 

**

He'd spoken too soon. 

**

It was late at night, Eijun was sitting on the bench by the vending machines, sipping on warm milk while squeezing his stress ball, lost in his thoughts when-

“Sawamura.”

Startled, he chokes on his milk. Coughing harshly, thumping a fist against his chest, he glares at the offending smirk his way. 

“Honestly, Sawamura, if you wanted to choke on something so badly you could’ve just told me.” Miyuki jeers, and Eijun chokes again although this time his face feels like it’s been set on fire. 

Trying to shake away the flush in his face, Eijun scowls. “You perverted senpai! What do you want?”

He hears a clack of tongue as Miyuki shifts his gaze away, though not before stealing a glance down at Eijun’s stress ball nestled softly in his left hand.

“No respect whatsoever.” He says however it lacked it’s usual gibe. 

Eijun furrows his brows as he narrows his eyes at the catcher standing just a few feet from him, who looked uncharacteristically solemn, as if someone had insulted his favorite type of mitt, which is ridiculous. He doesn’t think the other is capable of feeling offense with anything except for everything about baseball - maybe, he’s not so sure about that either - so he wonders just what might be plaguing the bastard’s mind. Miyuki’s not usually so open. 

“Did you…” he starts, apprehensive. He’s going to sound so ridiculous. Licking his lips, he continues, “Did you need something, senpai?” and Eijun prepares himself for the taunting laugh and snide comment about the sudden honorific but it doesn’t come. 

He sees Miyuki glance at him from the corner of his eye before looking back. 

“Actually, I do.” 

Surprised, Eijun sits up straighter at that. He stays silent, urging Miyuki to continue. 

“Tell me, Sawamura…” Miyuki trails off, the apple in his throat bobbing, Eijun notes with amazement because is the Miyuki Kazuya nervous? “You know, I’m not really sure how to address this-” He cuts himself off with a dry chuckle. 

Eijun feels his brows shoot up, now this was really unusual Miyuki Kazuya behavior. “Miyuki Kazuya, are you sick?” 

Miyuki pauses, snapping his neck to meet his gaze before falling into a fit of laughter, clutching his sides as if he just heard the most hilarious joke ever. Eijun bristles because goddamn it, here he was being a responsible kouhai showing concern for his douche senpai , concern that’s so clearly wasted but definitely needed because he worries what goes on Miyuki’s head sometimes that he finds the most mundane and bland things funny. Stupid senpai. What even was so funny about what he said.

‘And he wonders why I don’t ‘respect’ him, stupid, stupid senpai.’ Eijun grumbles to himself, pouting and crossing his arms against his chest defensively as he watches Miyuki eventually calm down from his dumb giggling fit. 

“You done yet?” 

Fond amber eyes meet irritated golden ones.

“I’m done, I’m done.” Miyuki snickers as he moves to sit beside Eijun, who struggles not to press himself against the catcher’s warm body. It was a cold night after all. He does let himself lean a bit into Miyuki though. Just a bit. 

“You’re acting weird tonight, Miyuki Kazuya.” Eijun murmurs as he rests his head against the cold wall, closing his eyes. It wasn’t often that Eijun was this relaxed when with Miyuki, they were usually bickering, throwing playful and colorful insults at each other with their weird sort-of-friends dynamic but Miyuki didn’t seem to be in the mood to tease the hell out of him tonight, which is good because Eijun isn’t either. 

“Oh? I could say the same about you, Bakamura. Though it’s not just about tonight.” Confused, Eijun lazily opens his eyes. He finds himself staring back at Miyuki’s piercing gaze, it almost catches him off guard. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, scrunching his face. “I’ll have you know, Miyuki Kazuya, just because I’m not yelling and running around does not automatically mean I’m acting weird. How insulting. Maybe I’m just tired, you tanuki bastard.” He scowls. 

Miyuki laughs. Again. “I guess you’re not acting weird after all.” He smiles and Eijun has to pause and make sure it’s not his hazy mind playing games on him because Miyuki Kazuya is smiling. At me. He blinks once, twice, before he sends a small grin back. 

“And stop saying my full name. If you like it that much, how about we make you scream it for me, Sawamura~” Miyuki's lips curl into a smirk, waggling his eyebrows, a teasing glint in his eyes.

What…

Realization sinks in and Eijun jumps away from the evil-eyed smirking tanuki, blushing furiously and pointing an offending finger at him. 

“Miyuki Kazuya!” He screams, scandalized and he feels his face flush even more once he realizes that he basically just did what the bastard wanted him to do. 

Miyuki, like the asshole that he is, bends over laughing at Eijun’s expense. “Oh god, Sawamura. You’re the best.” He laughs while bringing a finger up to flick a tear from the corner of his eye. 

Eijun scowls, feeling heat creep up deeper into his neck. “I take it back, you’re not acting unusual at all. You’re still the same asshole, Miyuki Kazuya.” 

And Miyuki laughs harder. 

“Thank you!”

“Not a compliment, you stupid senpai!”

And Kuramochi finds them like that, Eijun flustered and Miyuki still laughing. It seems the bastard was in the mood to tease the hell out of him that night, he should’ve known there wouldn’t be a moment where teasing isn’t involved with that damn tanuki. Kuramochi yells at them for being out and causing a ruckus so late when people are trying to sleep before he drags Eijun by his collar to their dorm room, scolding him on the way. And it isn't until later when Eijun lays in his bed that he realizes that Miyuki didn't tell him what he needed at all. 

He clicks his tongue silently, not wanting to face the wrath of his roommate, he whispers, “Stupid tanuki, getting distracted like that.” And he doesn’t bother to hide the soft lilt in his voice, it’s not like anyone’s there to witness anyway. 

Ever since he'd joined Seidou, Eijun hasn't experienced a single boring day in his high school life. Today seems to be a different story though. Takashima-sensei had suggested they get the whole day off which was an unexpected turn of events because it may be the off-season but that doesn’t mean practice would be put on hold. Hell, even when Oota-san also encouraged the idea, the rest of the team were still thinking of practicing. They’d look to their coach and the man remained unperturbed, like he was actually allowing a day off which was infinitely more shocking. But they were baseball idiots and the persuasive idea of chilling through the day without baseball was not something they’d entertain.

Was what Eijun expected. 

Instead, he’d been gobsmacked with how the first string agreed to the day off. The captain even going as far as warning them that if he sees someone even touching the equipment then they’d get more than just one day off of baseball. But that wasn’t the problem here, no, the problem was that Eijun was the only one bothered by the day off while everyone was taking it as it is and actually going with it. He doesn’t understand. Not a thing. And he’s not allowed anything baseball so he’s here, dying of absolute boredom. 

He was alone in the room. Both of his senpais whereabouts were unknown to him. He’d tried to keep himself preoccupied with reading the new manga Yoshikawa had given him but he felt too restless to even read more than two pages, and so he set up Kuramochi-senpai’s game console and tried to beat his high score in a recent game he bought despite the risk of getting wrestled into a chokehold later however it had only gifted him with several moments of distraction before he was all restless again. 

So far into the day without the promise of baseball, Eijun has felt nothing but be incredibly unsettled. He’s not sure he can run laps around Field B to clear his mind either.

With a defeated cry, he plops into his bed, bouncing a bit as he does. He spreads his body, much like a starfish, and stared at the bunk above him. What was he supposed to do now? Eijun thinks with a sigh before letting his eyes shut close. Maybe a nap would do him good. And just as his breath evens out, just as when he’s on the brink of falling asleep. The door slams open. 

Eijun flinches, alarmed. He sits up in the bed to see just what type of asshole would do such a thing to school property and… what?

The first string members were all gathered outside the door, dressed in casual attire like they’re about to go somewhere, which they probably are. But that aside, why are they here?

“C’mon Bakamura, get dressed, chop chop! We’re off to the amusement park today and if you’re not finished getting ready by 5 then we’re leaving you.” With that, they close the door with a bang that makes Eijun wonder if they care about destroying school property at all, do they even have the money to pay for the damage? Tsk, tsk. 

...wait.

Did they say amusement park?! Eijun could feel his eyes widen into saucers before the situation finally sinks in on him. Bolting up to his cabinet, he quickly gets dressed in a simple hoodie and jeans, he runs a hand through his hair to try and smoothen it but ah! He doesn’t have much time! Slipping into his shoes, he scrambles through the door and almost trips but never mind that. With a wide grin perfectly depicting the excitement bubbling up inside him, Eijun shuts the door behind him and he barrels to his teammates flocking a few feet away from him. 

“C’mon guys! Let’s go! Chop chop ! You’re all so slow!”

“Shut up, Bakamura!” 

** 

“Eijun-kun, I really don’t think this is a good idea."

“Don’t worry Harucchi, just because I’m afraid of heights doesn’t mean I’m scared of this.”

“That doesn’t really reassure me, not even a bit.”

“Awe c’mon! Have a little more trust, even Furuya wants to join!”

“That’s because you’re both the same…”

“Harucchi!! Did you just call us idiots?!”

The moment they arrived at the amusement park, they all ended up splitting into small groups. Eijun immediately dragged Furuya and Haruichi to line up for bumper cars, challenging them both to who can bump the hardest and almost getting kicked out for being too aggressive and loud. He doesn’t know where the others were considering he got too engrossed with where he should go next, it was his first time in an amusement park after all. He’s pretty sure the third years and the second years separated into their own groups too. It turns out it was Furuya’s first time in an amusement park as well. Haruichi was left to be their babysitter and normally Eijun would feel bad but Haruichi was clearly having just as much fun as they did.  

But Eijun still wanted to make up for being a handful to deal with, so when they found themselves by the stalls and he caught the younger Kominato discreetly eyeing a huge fluffy-looking pink teddy bear that matched both his hair and eyes, he whispered an idea to Furuya before he loudly dared the other pitcher into a showdown to who had better aim and declared that this Sawamura Eijun will prove that he is the better pitcher between the two of them!

Understandably, they got a few annoyed looks but they’ve been getting those ever since they entered the park so who cares, though they might have to tone it down or they just might actually get kicked out. 

He and Furuya trudged to the stall Haruichi was checking out - Haruichi, who was trying to tell them that the games were rigged and that they’re more likely to waste money than earn anything but Eijun was having none of it and so was Furuya apparently because he reasoned that that was all the more reason it was going to be a showdown, a good showdown on whose skills were good enough to defeat a rigged game. 

Eijun can’t help the small smile that curls in his lips because here's the thing, people often think of him as someone who's unaware and ignorant when it comes to most things and sometimes it’s a good thing, it's a good thing they don’t notice that he notices. He notices things he’s not supposed to, like the subtle yet lingering touches of fingertips between a certain second baseman and shortstop, like the way the captain, more often than not, finds himself locked eyes with his vice-captain, and just like the way his fellow pitcher almost noticeably softens as he gazes down at the only Kominato Haruichi. 

And as absurd as it sounds, he has shoujo manga to thank for it. If he hadn’t read about love languages on the daily then he wouldn’t have noticed at all. No matter how subtle it is, if Eijun’s read about it then he’s definitely going to notice. It’s a good thing he’s read a whole range of shoujo manga too. 

After a short contemplative pause from Haruichi, he eventually heaves a small sigh. “Alright.”

“Oshi! Come at me, Furuya!” He grins. 

Needless to say, they end up getting Haruichi the huge ass teddy bear that’s basically the same size as him. The younger Kominato had turned red once he realized that the bear was the intention since the start. The process to get the bear, however, was not as simple as Eijun and Furuya expected. 

The game indeed turned out to be incredibly rigged, and it wasn’t like they doubted Haruichi’s words - god forbid - but the way the ball just won’t go and hit at least one from the several lines of penguins was really testing both of their patience. In the end, they both got through the small cold bird figurines the same amount of times, which was enough times to almost make the vendor tear up. 

They, unfortunately, ended in a tie but hey, at least they got Harucchi the huge cuddly bear. 

They went to eat ice cream in a nearby food stall afterwards. Walking aimlessly through the line of stalls and vendors, the first year trio find themselves in front of a huge rollercoaster. And Eijun should be afraid, and he is, but it’s overthrown by the rush of adrenaline at the thought of riding at such a high place with such high speed and he just can’t wait for the rush. 

“Please, Haruichi.” Eijun whines as he tries to drag both Furuya and Haruichi into the line. 

A sigh. “Eijun-kun, are you - oh! Aniki!” Haruichi stands on his tippy toes as he waves to someone behind Eijun, who swirls around to see Ryousuke waving back, Kuramochi beside him and Miyuki trailing from behind them like a poor loner. 

“Onii-san! Let’s ride the rollercoaster!” He bounds over to the older Kominato and pleads with the best puppy eyes he has. Please, please, please. He considers adding a small pout when he’s met with silence but Ryousuke smiles before he could.

“Sure.” And Eijun’s about to shout in victory when Ryousuke quickly adds, “but, you have to come with us to the ferris wheel next.” 

Eijun goes stock still, the grin on his face falling before shooting a nervous look towards the huge ferris wheel just a few walks over. Gulping, he looks back to his upperclassman whose smile suddenly looks all too sinister. Does- does he know…

“Aniki--”

“Awe, Sawamura~” an arm is slung around his shoulders, “don’t tell me you’re scared? That’s okay, this senpai is here to hold your hand if you are.” Eijun turns his head to see Miyuki smirking - because of course he’s smirking - at him. 

He lets out an affronted squawk. “Like hell I am! I’ll show you, Miyuki Kazuya! You’re going to be the one holding my hand!” That’s a lie, Eijun is scared as fuck but there’s no way in hell he’s going to give that tanuki bastard the satisfaction. 

“God, you two, if you wanna hold hands that badly then just do it damn it, no need for this weird verbal foreplay you have going on.” Kuramochi grunts but there’s a gleam in his eyes that screams trouble. 

A blush blooms through Eijun’s face as he removes himself from Miyuki’s grasp in quick motion. 

“Alright, let’s go line up for the roller coaster then.” Ryousuke announces as he grabs Kuramochi’s hand to drag him to the line. The tip of Kuramochi’s ears tinge in red but he lets himself be dragged away. 

“We should go too, Furuya-kun.” Haruichi says from behind them, following their senpai’s lead. 

Eijun snorts. So not subtle at all. He turns to Miyuki to see the catcher raising a brow at him, a tiny smirk playing on his lips. “Wouldn't have pegged you to be the observant type, Bakamura.”

It takes a moment for the message to settle and when it did, his eyes widened and he clamps a hand over his mouth despite not saying anything. Oh, did he say that out loud?!

Miyuki chuckles. “Though I guess being observant doesn't change the fact that you're still the same baka, Bakamura~” He sing-songs. 

Growling, Eijun's hands itch to grab the bastard smirking in front of him by the collar but unfortunately (or not) Kuramochi yells at them to hurry up and that they should stop with the PDA guys! It's disgusting!

As if he's one to talk. 

He and Miyuki seem to have had the same thought considering the knowing look they both shared. They burst out laughing for a bit before they joined the others in lining up.

The rollercoaster ride was everything yet not what Eijun expected it to be. He hadn't thought it would change paces during the highest points, suddenly slowing down at the top before letting everything go to drop down to the bottom. 

And it was exhilarating. The feeling was everything he'd imagine it would be. The thrill, the rush. It made him want to yell his lungs out, and he did actually (yell his lungs out) and it was one of the few reasons why he liked it, unsurprisingly. 

So there he was, enjoying himself in a place he never thought he would, a place high, high up the safety of the ground when suddenly Furuya, the person he's cursed to have been seated with, warns him that he's about to puke. And then he's got Eijun yelling at the top of his lungs for an absolutely different and an all more disturbing reason. 

“Gah! What the hell, Furuya! Don't puke, you bastard! Don't you dare! ” 

Furuya's face only begins to become more and more green which makes Eijun more and more anxious, he's more focused on Furuya than the ride now because he needs to keep an eye on the bastard before he actually goes and hurl his innards all over the both of them. Eijun shudders at the mental image and he prays to some higher being out there that hopefully his luck isn't that bad today. 

“Furuya, I swear to all of your ancestor's ashes that if you actually throw up right now – I will never ever forgive you!”

When the other pitcher starts gagging, Eijun forcefully secures Furuya's hand over his own damn mouth because if he's gonna puke then he sure as hell isn't dragging Eijun into it. 

“Furuya!” He cringes and presses the pitcher's hand to further cover his lips.

Familiar cackles ring through the air. Eijun snaps his neck to find the owners of the obnoxious cackles and he sees Kuramochi and Miyuki just a row behind them, clearly enjoying the scene of Eijun frantically trying to fend off Furuya from spewing digested food over the both of them all while riding through unrelenting twists and turns paired with unexpected changes in speed. 

Sheesh, what shitty senpais… He grouches to himself but really, what else should he expect. He's used to this by now. 

He glares at his amazingly helpful upperclassmen - though Eijun knows they can't do anything to help considering the situation but they could also not laugh at them too. He silently curses them underneath his breath and he looks back to the poor mess beside him. Furuya was definitely looking like he was on the brink of throwing up and the only thing stopping him was sheer will and probably the fact that no one's going to let this go. 

He's probably aware of how perfect blackmail material it would be. Although blackmail for what, Eijun secretly wants to know. But that’s the least of his problems right now. He needs to focus on making sure his rival pitcher beside him won’t ruin the only clothes they have. 

“Hey Furuya, if you’re going to throw up then do it after this ride, okay.” Eijun grits through his teeth though he’s not sure if Furuya heard him, he looked too focused on not puking. Which is good. 

Eijun feels the ride slow down and he heaves a sigh of relief when it stops to a halt. He quickly removes his hands from Furuya and jumps out of his seat once the shoulder restraints were lifted. From the corner of his eye, he sees Furuya rush somewhere near a tree and cringing when he sees him hurl, Haruichi closely beside him, caressing a hand up and down his back - woah, when did Harucchi get there? That was quick. 

Smiling softly, he stuffs his hands into his pockets. His best friends really make a good couple, he notes to himself as he watches on the scene of Haruichi comforting the other, giving a bottle of water to Furuya who looked paler than usual. 

He hears snickering from his right and he turns to see - surprise surprise - Kuramochi and Miyuki sniggering to themselves. The older Kominato standing beside them, watching his little brother and Furuya with narrowed eyes laced with suspicion and Eijun suddenly fears for his rival’s life. 

Eijun notices Ryousuke move forward to reach for Haruichi, probably to snag him away from possible threats (Furuya), once his two friends started walking back towards them but Kuramochi (his speed didn’t seem to only exist in the field, or his legs) snatches Ryousuke’s hand and interlocking their fingers. Tightly, Eijun would like to add, when he catches the shortstop squeeze the other’s hand within his. 

“Alrighty then, how about we go to that ferris wheel now, right, Ryou-san?” He says but he’s already dragging a slightly rigid Ryousuke towards the line for the ferris wheel. 

And Eijun’s only granted for a moment of amusement with how Mochi-senpai and Onii-san’s roles were comically reversed compared to earlier when he’s suddenly reminded that oh right. Ferris Wheel. 

Fuck. 

He feels his heartbeat pick up every step they take, nearing the huge moving circle of absolute death - the ferris wheel, every second they near the ferris wheel. Eijun tries to calm himself and somewhat accomplishes the almost impossible task. Well, he’s still starting to sweat cold and his heart’s still heavy in his chest but he’s doing well, as well as he can anyway. At least if he’s going to start hyperventilating, and he knows he will, he hopes it’ll be after experiencing the ride. It’s wishful thinking, truly, but he’s also heard and read about how the view, especially at the top, is remarkably breathtaking and he’d like to experience that. 

That and the fact that he knows that if he’s going to chicken out (and he won’t because this Sawamura Eijun ain’t no damn chicken!), Miyuki’s going to tease the hell out of him for the entirety of his life. What with his tiny threat of hand holding earlier too. Stupid senpai. 

And who knows, he might actually conquer his stupid, dumb fear today. 

“Sawamura~, looks like I’m partnered with you in this ride, are you excited? Remember, if you’re scared, this senpai is here to hold your hand~” Hot breath brush against his ear, an arm once again around his shoulder. 

Feeling his face erupt into embarrassing shades of red, Eijun flinches against the voice talking right against his ear while trying to hide the shiver that ran down his spine at the action. He doesn’t remove himself from Miyuki’s touch though - doesn’t feel the need to, which is… weird. 

The touch, while coming from an exceptionally insufferable senpai, felt strangely comforting, though he doesn’t give it much thought and instead lets himself lean into it for a bit, accepting the slight ease it brings to his entire nervous system. 

“Geh! Miyuki Kazuya! What did I tell you, I’m not scared! -” Lies “- and you’re going to be the one holding my hand!” Since when did he become such a liar. 

Ignoring the full blown flush in his face, and the close proximity between them was not helping, Eijun glares at Miyuki, or at least tries to, but with the way the jerk was smirking with that single perfectly arched brow raised and those deep amber eyes staring intently into his, it was making Eijun’s heart pick up for some unknown reason. 

He shakes his head and glances around the line, Haruichi and Furuya were close together with the former still looking slightly concerned and Eijun briefly wonders where the huge teddy bear had gone when he catches sight of it in Furuya’s hands. Kuramochi and Ryousuke were behind them, the older was giving the pair in front of him a scary, scrutinizing stare and Eijun notices how his senpai’s hands were still intertwined, the shortstop’s thumb caressing the back of the other’s hand as he whispers quietly to his partner. 

Eijun bites back a coo at the act but he can’t really stop the silly smile spreading through his lips. His friends - could he call his upperclassmen friends? He’d like that but he’d settle for calling them teammates for now. That being said, his teammates really make the most adorable couples. It makes him feel so soft, like when he’s reading shoujo with the mc and her lover having those soft intimate moments. He’s all mushy inside. 

A darker part of him, one he tries to keep buried down deep within him, that side feels jealous that everyone’s all found their partners and he hates the feeling. He’s happy for them, he truly is but the slight feeling of being left out is there, clawing inside him. He always ignores it though, he doesn’t have time for relationships. 

Though being in one would be nice someday. 

“They’re a cute couple aren’t they?” Miyuki whispers, damn tanuki still speaking so close to his ear. 

Fighting back another shiver, Eijun hums in response. He turns to face Miyuki and almost recoils back when he notices how close their faces are. “Who? Mochi-senpai and Onii-san or Harucchi and Furuya?” 

“Wow, making me choose, Sawamura? How mean, it’s obviously both.” He chuckles and his eyes find Eijun’s again and Eijun’s not sure why he suddenly feels breathless. 

He opens his mouth to retort but he’s cut off by the clerk shouting ‘next!’ and - oh, he’s forgotten yet again about the ferris wheel. Shit. He’s pretty sure the catcher beside him can feel how stiff he’s gotten but he can’t find it in himself to care, not when the signs of nervousness he’s all too familiar with comes back with full force, almost giving him whiplash with how quick the anxiety settles in his veins.

Letting out a deep breath as a poor attempt to calm his nerves, he settles inside the cart. Miyuki comes in after him and Eijun’s surprised to find Miyuki sitting beside instead of across him but before he could comment, the cart door closes with a bang and the wheel slowly starts to move and oh damn, he is so fucked. 

The moment the ferris wheel starts moving, Eijun’s pretty sure he’s on the edge, just on the brink of falling into a panic attack and that would be bad, not only would it be embarrassing for him, it would be awkward for Miyuki, and maybe him too but mostly for Miyuki because he’s certain the other doesn’t know what to do with attacks. And he’d rather not burden his senpai like that. 

See, aren’t I just the sweetest kouhai. He tries to joke with himself and it works for a moment before it suddenly comes to his attention that he’s been closing his eyes this whole time while squeezing a muscled flesh under his hand and - wait, by muscled flesh, could that mean…

“Sawamura.” Eijun snaps his eyes open at Miyuki’s strained voice braided with slight warning and he looks down to see his right hand tightly squeezing Miyuki’s thigh. 

An ‘eep!’ sound erupts from his mouth and his face is burning scarlet, probably for the third time that day. “Sorry! I didn’t notice!” He squeaks as he quickly removes his hand from Miyuki’s thigh and forms his hands into fists on his lap, trying not to think about how good the muscle felt under his palm. 

Staring hard at the glass straight across him, not once daring to look down, he notices Miyuki frown from the corner of his eye. Miyuki’s gaze dart down his clenched fists and back up at him, slightly stopping to note how his chest was noticeably rising and falling a bit harshly. The catcher opens his mouth before closing it, frown still etched on his face. He had a contemplative look on his face that makes Eijun think that maybe the catcher kinda cares about him. The thought makes him feel warm however it’s totally drowned out with anxiety and worry. 

Realizing that they’re halfway to the top - damn it, this is supposed to be slow - Eijun snaps his eyes shut again because he can’t bear to look now, it’ll only bring awful, awful results. He vaguely wonders if time flies by when you’re dying of nervousness and he’s pretty sure it’s meant to be the opposite. His entire body’s taut with tension, an effort so as not to lose himself. He forces himself to take slow and deep breaths, at least with this, the impending doom is postponed, even for a bit. 

A gasp is ripped from Eijun’s throat when he feels hands cover his clenched ones. He opens his eyes, wide with shock and he meets Miyuki’s molten amber eyes so deep Eijun swears he could get lost in them. Miyuki gazes into his eyes, his own amber ones flashing with a certain amount of concern that’s usually impossible for him to show behind those black-rimmed glasses and it knocks Eijun’s breath away. 

“You're shaking.” Despite the now hidden concern on Miyuki's face, his voice remains blank, not giving anything away. 

You can't hide from me, you tsundere senpai. He quips internally and allows himself a small smile at the thought. 

“Yeah, I am.” Eijun whispers back shakily. 

“Are you afraid of heights, Sawamura?” 

Eijun tips his head back while clenching his eyes shut. “I swear to god, Miyuki. If you’re making fun of me right now--”

“I’m not.” He opens his eyes and gold clashes with amber. “I swear, I’m not making fun of you.”

“That’s…” Eijun releases a breath, “new.”

Miyuki cracks a small grin. “Don’t get used to it, Bakamura.” He says as he caresses a thumb over the back of Eijun’s left hand.

Despite himself, a giggle bubbles up Eijun’s throat. “Finally doing your duty as a senpai, huh, Miyuki Kazuya. It’s about time.” 

“Well, what else am I supposed to do when my precious underclassman is like this?”

And Eijun can’t say he hates the way the statement, even if it may have been a joke, warms him inside. 

“Are you seriously joking about that right now.” He asks flatly.

Miyuki snickers. “Why? Too soon?”

Eijun rolls his eyes because Miyuki, no matter the situation, will always be Miyuki. “Jerk.” He mumbles, shaking his head. He shifts in the seat making the cart move slightly. Eijun stiffens, breath hitching and fuck, fuck, fuck, they’re at the risk of falling. Shit. 

A hand that was comfortably covered over his lifts up to grip his chin and Eijun’s forced to gaze into deep, molten amber eyes yet again. “Look at me, Sawamura.”

“But I already am.” Eijun tries to joke but it comes out weak. 

Miyuki smiles for a moment before he says sternly, “We’re not going to fall. No matter what you’re thinking, what your mind’s trying to tell you, we’re not going to fall - you’re not going to fall, Sawamura.” 

“How-” He gulps, trying to relieve his dry throat, “How can you be so sure?” Eijun croaks out, he feels stinging behind the balls of his eyes and shit, he is not going to cry. Being this scared and vulnerable in front of Miyuki is already humiliating enough. 

Miyuki smiles for real this time and Eijun notices how they’re fully facing each other now, bodies turned to the other. They’re awfully close too, he notes shyly as he averts his eyes from Miyuki’s. Eijun lets out a shaky exhale when his eyes land on the view outside the glass beside him. They’re almost at the top now. He’s not hyperventilating yet which is a big feat for Eijun considering how a virtual reality game he wasn’t even playing was enough to send him into a panic attack. 

Though, Eijun can admit the fact that he’s a bit more grounded this time around. 

Just a bit. 

“I’m pretty sure an amusement park this popular would have a few safety precautions if something were to happen.” Miyuki says. 

Eijun hums before scooting closer to the catcher beside him, placing his head on broad shoulders and shutting his eyes close. He’s still tense, fear still running through his veins but if Miyuki’s here to help and provide as a distraction then he’s not complaining. Surrendering to his impulses, Eijun nuzzles his head into the side of Miyuki’s neck. “Mmm, tell me when we’re at the top, I wanna see the view.” 

He feels Miyuki’s breath hitch before he chuckles. “Won’t you be scared, Sawamoron?” 

“Well...if you’re here, then…” Eijun mumbles off timidly. 

The body close to him, almost against him really, stills. Miyuki lets out a soft breath, one Eijun would’ve missed if he wasn’t basically right up against him. 

“I’m not sure who’s more nervous here, honestly.” Miyuki whispers to himself, probably thinking Eijun couldn’t hear him. Which he could. 

“Why’re you nervous, Miyuki? Are you also secretly scared of height?” He whispers harshly back as if they’re sharing a top case secret within the FBI, which is hilarious to Miyuki apparently because he starts laughing lightly, trying not to dislodge Eijun from his position on Miyuki’s shoulder.

“No, Bakamura, I’m not secretly scared of heights.” He chuckles, “You know you’re surprisingly observant with our teammates’, well - how do you say this - ‘affections’, maybe? But when it’s about affections regarding you, you’re pretty dense about it, though that’s not really a surprise.”

Eijun scrunches his eyebrows together, perplexed. He shifts to get a proper look of Miyuki’s face. He isn’t surprised to see it perfectly masked with mischief, betraying anything but. There was, however, a sort of tender tinge behind those mirthful eyes, too discreet and Eijun would bet that Miyuki doesn’t think he’s smart enough to figure it out. That damn tanuki.

“What do you mean?” He narrows his eyes at the catcher, the cogs in his brain turning, trying to figure out what Miyuki was talking about. Such an insufferable upperclassman, really. So cunning and annoyingly elusive.  

Miyuki snickers, though there was a subtle strain that Eijun thinks his fear riddled mind is making up. Possibly making it up. 

“Exactly what it means, moron.” He smirks, incorrigible. As always. 

Eijun puffs out his cheeks and lets out an aggravated huff. “You know I don’t usually get you’re, I don’t know, carefully crafted bullcrap that you talk about so just give it to me straight, Miyuki.” 

Miyuki bursts out laughing. “I’m pretty sure there’s absolutely nothing straight about this, Bakamura.” 

What the hell is this bastard talking about? 

Gritting his teeth, he opens his mouth to retort before Miyuki cuts him off. 

“Look, Sawamura, we’re at the top now.” 

He quickly swivels around and oh, those stories really weren’t lying. The view before him… it was really a sight to behold. Eijun didn’t even notice how long they’ve been inside the amusement park until he catches the first few breaths of the sun beginning to set, not quite turning the sky into precious shades of yellow, orange and red, and maybe a slight tinge of pink but it’s getting there. The buildings and the rest of the park could be seen from up here, even a line of mountains far into the distance and Eijun wistfully wonders if the view would be so much better if it was night time. It probably was. Though the sight right now isn’t something to be scoffed at either, it gives him an intense mix of awe and fear fizzling deep within him and it’s amazing. Breathtaking. Scary. 

“Hey, I know you’re an idiot but don’t forget to breathe, okay.” 

It’s like this catcher is only here to ruin the moment. What an asshole. 

After carving the blessed sight of being at the top deep into his memory, he snaps his neck to glare at Miyuki. “Do you have to ruin the moment?” Eijun hisses and goes to pinch Miyuki’s thigh but something’s… happening, at the moment. It’s probably been happening for a while too. 

He blinks down at his right hand currently nestled well with Miyuki’s left and Eijun has an inkling he’d subconsciously grabbed it to feel grounded and… safe.  He probably clutched it a bit tightly just a moment ago. This doesn’t surprise Eijun though because, for all of Miyuki’s assholeness, the catcher was someone he deeply respected and he’s recently accepted the new found fact that Miyuki surrounds him with a sense of calm and security that makes itself known especially in moments like this. It's most likely because they were battery partners. The catcher was the first person to ever teach him the importance of one after all too. He trusts Miyuki, and it seems it isn’t only exclusive to baseball anymore. 

So, no. No he isn’t surprised to find his fingers entangled with Miyuki’s, one he reached out to find on instinct. It’s because he trusts Miyuki. What does surprise him though, is the fact that Miyuki himself doesn’t seem to mind, not looking the least bit fazed and not even hinting at letting go either. In fact, he looks like he’s rather enjoying it.

What the hell? 

“What’s wrong, Sawamura? Do you not want to hold hands? I did tell you you could if you were scared, though you don’t look that scared actually which is… good, it’s good but it’s definitely not what I expected. Still had you holding my hand though.” Miyuki smirks like he’s just won something, although a bit different from the one when they win through a rough but well played game.

Eijun glances up from their entwined hands and gives Miyuki a confused look. “This doesn’t bother you?” 

It’s weird, not bad per se, but definitely weird. Because Eijun feels warm in spite of the anxiety still a constant within him, and it’s weird because now that he thinks about it, Miyuki makes him feel oddly warm whenever these moments occur. It’s… intimate and Eijun can’t find it within himself to be disturbed by that. He’d reason it was all due to the fact that they were battery partners and it’s basically how their chemistry goes but he thinks there’s more to it than just baseball and-

Oh. 

Oh. 

He thinks... he likes Miyuki. Perhaps liking the catcher in ways that’s more than just a friend, more than just an upperclassman, and more than just a battery partner. And if all of those shoujo manga were anything to go by, Eijun could probably admit that, oh wow he really likes Miyuki. Romantically. 

Holy shit. 

Eijun likes Miyuki. 

And Eijun knows he can be pretty obtuse, he does have his moments and as much as he loathes to admit, maybe Miyuki was right about being pretty dense when it revolved around him. He’s never been one for introspection, not his strongest suit admittedly because what good brings in dwelling too much that you always bring yourself down because of it. At least, that’s what he thinks. And shoujo manga has built him to notice things about others and definitely not about him, which is probably weird to some people but he’s not one to care. 

Still, to not notice he was basically falling and catching feelings for his catcher. He’s really outdone himself. Hell, he traveled all the way from Nagano, leaving all his friends behind, for this bastard for fuck’s sake. Taking that into account - taking everything into account really, (though he still hasn’t forgiven Miyuki for that stunt he pulled that first morning) Eijun has been fairly obvious about his… affections for the bastard and it’s really a wonder how he hasn’t noticed. 

No specific moment really comes to mind as to pinpoint on when this crush began and Eijun thinks it was a slow process, there was some (necessary) build up there, just moments upon moments of bickering banter and shielded concern, and it’s astonishing because for a romantic like him, you’d expect him to have this moment that all those romance manga protagonist seem to have but Eijun can’t think of one and somehow, in some odd sort, he thinks it’s more romantic this way. 

Though he may be biased, he’s not sure. 

And it seems this mind blowing realization that really shouldn’t be mind blowing in the first place considering how in his face it all was, this realization has rendered Eijun into a catatonic state and wow, he’s really proving how much of an idiot he really is, huh. 

“--Sawamura!”

Eijun jolts, knocked out of his thoughts and he finds Miyuki staring at him, though this time, there’s distance between them now and he’s not gonna lie that he kind of misses the warmth in both his hands and against his body. Oh god, is Eijun a cuddler? 

Again, that shouldn’t come to be as a surprise but he’s definitely surprised anyway. 

“I lost you there for a second. At first I thought your fear got to you but you just looked like you were in deep thought which I didn’t know you were capable of, honestly. Do you know how many times I-”

“Miyuki, I think I like you.” Eijun, like the stupid goddamn everloving idiot that he is, cuts him off and blurts out the last thing that he should ever blurt out in the first place. This is not romantic!

He was just about starting to plan his wonderful confession too, because even if Miyuki doesn’t reciprocate, and there’s a good chance he doesn’t, Eijun thinks that a confession would do them good. Miyuki deserves to know his feelings and he’s not obligated to return those feelings. Plus, Eijun can get proper closure that way. 

“-called...your... name… Sawamura, what?” 

Oh, if circumstances were different, Eijun would definitely be laughing his ass off right now. The picture Miyuki makes; eyes blown wide behind his glasses, lips parted in shock and an overall flabbergasted look in his face that doesn’t belong there at all. It’s all so uncharacteristic and hilarious to Eijun and he wishes he could properly enjoy this moment, to feel the pride of shocking the all great Miyuki Kazuya into silence, without thinking about the fact that he was about to be ruthlessly rejected right then and there. Because if he was going to be shut down, he would’ve at least preferred to go down his way. Which, of course, is the tragically romantic way. 

There’s a pregnant pause in the air, or what seems like it. Eijun scrambles in his mind for something to say, something to appease the now tense atmosphere and when he does find it, finally find the words to explain what the hell just happened, their cart comes to a halt and they’re being asked to get out in the gentlest way possible. 

This is so not romantic at all!

He lets out a loud breath, part out of relief, part out of nervousness. Eijun’s quite relieved that he was on safe ground now. Though he’s anxious for a much more different reason at the moment.

As they step out, Eijun sees Kuramochi and the rest a few feet away on a cotton candy stand. He moves to walk towards them but a hand grips his forearm. Looking down at the hand and then up at the owner, his throat dries. 

Miyuki had his brows slightly furrowed, aside from that his face remained indifferent and scarily so.

“Can we talk, Sawamura?” 

Gulping, he nods slowly and he lets himself get dragged away into a bench by the trees, just a few steps away. 

Once they arrived at the spot, Eijun allows a deep intake of breath in an attempt to calm himself. 

“Look, Miyuki-”

“Sawamura, I-”

They both pause and blink at each other. Miyuki chuckles and Eijun can feel the upturn of his lips at the sound. 

“You go first.” Miyuki motions to him. 

He smiles shakily before nodding. “Alright, I… look, Miyuki, I don’t know how long I’ve liked you, in fact, I just realized my feelings for you earlier at the ferris wheel ride and-” he ignores the light chuckle and the shaking of head and continues, “-I really really like you, Miyuki Kazuya, even though you’re a real jackass most of the time and you’re so fucking infuriating, I still somehow managed to fall for you, you damn tanuki. I don’t… you shouldn’t feel obligated to sugarcoat your rejection, Miyuki, just give it to me straight.” Eijun finishes, slightly panting. He internally cringes at how cringey it all was but at least it’s out and over with. 

“There’s really nothing straight about this, Bakamura.” Miyuki teases before he falls serious. He cocks his head to the side as he peers directly into Eijun’s eyes. “Do you really think I’ll reject you?” 

“Well, yeah.” Eijun responds without missing a beat, shrugging. He feels calmer now that his feelings are out there, acknowledged. He doesn’t think Miyuki would accept, not really. Eijun thinks the catcher’s more into the silent and intellectual type, honestly, and Eijun is a far far cry from that.

Something dark flashes through Miyuki’s face, too quick for Eijun to try and discern what it meant. He watches as Miyuki heaves a sigh before he crosses his arms and shakes his head. 

“You’re so unbelievably dumb , Sawamura, why do I even like you?”

Eijun fumes, he opens his mouth to yell ruthless profanities at this damn bastard when it hits him what Miyuki just said. His jaw drops and he feels his eyes go impossibly wide. 

“You...you - what? ” He almost practically screeches, soft red now powdering his cheeks. 

Miyuki bursts out laughing, clutching his sides. “You really are the best, Sawamura.” He pants in between breaths. 

And Eijun feels like he’s suddenly been doused with freezing cold water. 

“Miyuki, if you’re literally making fun of me right now..”

The catcher right in front of him immediately sobers and straightens up with a blank look on his face. “Seriously, Sawamoron, do I have to spell everything out for you?” He sighs. “No, I am not making fun of you.” 

Eijun takes a step closer to Miyuki and they’re almost chest to chest now. He’s so done with this jackass. How in the absolute hell did he fall for someone so insufferable and infuriating and basically makes Eijun want to wring him by the neck every damn time he so as much looks at him in that damn shittily attractive smirk and just - what the fuck, it’s so unfair. “Cut the crap for once, Miyuki. I know we’re off the field and I won’t hold my breath waiting for you to take me seriously but really, how hard is it to just tell me that you-”

“I like you, okay. I actually can’t believe I have to say this to you considering everything. Have you really not noticed me flirting with you? I mean, I know you’re dumb but I didn’t know you were this dumb because I was so, so obvious that even the coach and Rei-chan noticed. On second thought though, maybe I should’ve expected this-”

And then somehow, it turns into somewhat of an argument. A stupid, useless argument. 

“Flirting? You? Miyuki Kazuya, I may be as dense as a fucking rock but I’m pretty sure I’ll know when someone’s flirting with me, someone like you especially. I mean, Amahisa flirted with me once-”

“I’m sorry, he did what now?-”

“-and I definitely noticed. Don’t give me that look, it was when we lost that game against them and he asked for my number - stop that look, you look weird, I was pissed at first but I eventually did give him my number cause I thought, ‘hey, he’s a fellow pitcher, it might do me good to learn from someone outside-”

“Did you flirt back though?” And Eijun has to pause because Miyuki has an almost unbearable scrutiny in his gaze that makes him gape. 

Once he gains back his senses, Eijun splutters, outraged. “Flirt back? Flirt back? Miyuki Kazuya, are you hearing yourself right now? Do you really think that I, Sawamura Eijun, epitome of innocence-”

Snort. “Did you really just call yourself that?”

“-would flirt back with someone I’m not even interested in? Well think again, Miyuki Kazuya, because I’m no-”

“Sawamura, I really really like you, you know that?” Miyuki interjects, and this time, he’s staring intently into Sawamura with a new and foreign emotion swirling deep into the surface of those unexpectedly expressive amber eyes, as if he’s trying to project how sincere he actually is. 

And Eijun believes him, right after snapping out of his initial shock that is (damn that sneaky tanuki, saying something like that out of the blue).  He believes him because, even with Miyuki’s lousiness, he’s not one to play with someone’s feelings when it’s at the expense of his own. He just doesn’t bother with feelings in general actually. 

That and the fact that the bastard is rarely ever sincere with anything outside of baseball. 

Eijun feels heat creep up to his neck and spread through dusting his cheeks at Miyuki’s sudden... confession? Was it really a confession? Oh my god, it really was a confession wasn’t it?

“I- I…” For once, Eijun finds himself at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say? Miyuki already knew he liked him back. Should he say it again? Say it back? Gah! Where the hell did all that romance knowledge go? Where is it when you need it, damn it! 

“I think you broke me.” He ends up blurting out and when he realizes what just came out of his mouth, he doesn’t even bother hiding the cringe already forming in his face.

God, of all the things he could’ve said, he had to say that? Though, to be honest, he can’t really blame himself because Miyuki’s words snapped him blank. His mind is empty and he doesn’t know what to do. This is all Miyuki’s fault. 

Miyuki, in such Miyuki Kazuya fashion, throws his head back laughing because of course, he’s laughing. He’s not even sorry about leaving Eijun floundering like a damn virgin - which he is, but that’s not the point. Miyuki laughs and Eijun belatedly notices that it’s not the jarring, smug laugh that makes him want to commit several levels of violence, but instead it’s an actual laugh. An actual, pure, unadulterated laugh filled with undeniable joy, coming from Miyuki Kazuya of all people. 

And Eijun was the cause of that. 

And he briefly admits to himself, to somewhere at the back of his mind, that he doesn’t mind if he’s the laughing stock, not really if Miyuki’s laughing like this. Laughing like there’s nothing wrong with the world. Laughing like he’s actually enjoying it. So no, no he doesn’t mind if Miyuki’s laughing at him, not if it’s like this. He’d gladly do anything, even at his expense, just to hear Miyuki genuinely enjoying himself. And Eijun doesn’t even have the words (he can’t think of any for he’s been reduced to such a state) to describe what that laugh does to him, what that laugh sweetly reminds him off. 

In short, he’s a smitten, masochistic, not-so-hopeless romantic and it’s all because of this bastard laughing his ass off in front of him. 

This bastard laughing his ass off in front of him that he can’t believe likes him back. 

Wow, this is really not shoujo manga worthy. Not one bit. 

Eijun huffs and folds his arms against his chest, pouting. “Stop laughing at me, Miyuki Kazuya!” and he’d deny that that was a whine but really, who’s he trying to convince?

“Sorry, sorry.” Miyuki snickers while trying to collect himself. He flicks a tear from the corner of his eye and he peers at Eijun with a soft smile and an unguarded look in his eyes. Miyuki takes a step forward, and then another, bringing their bodies so, so close that Eijun can practically feel the rise and fall of the others’ chest. 

He watches on with bated breath as Miyuki lifts a hand up to touch his left cheek. The action elicits a soft gasp out of him and before he can even think about it, Eijun leans into the touch, more or less nuzzling into Miyuki’s rough, calloused yet warm hand. 

So close… He thinks to himself as Miyuki tilts his head slightly, lips just barely an inch away and Eijun’s breath hitches at the thought of Miyuki kissing him, right here, at the side of the amusement park ferris wheel with the sun setting behind them. Right after confessing and getting a confession back.

It would feel so right. 

It’s almost too good to be true. 

Miyuki’s molten amber eyes latches on to golden rays and Eijun expects the world to stop. It does, to a certain extent. He can’t focus on anything except for Miyuki right now and how could he? How could he when Miyuki is looking at him with a twinkle in his eye like he can’t believe this is actually happening. Eijun understands. This all feels like a dream, a dream that would hurt if he ever woke up. 

But with how Miyuki’s chapped lips finally press into his, pressing in with such a softness that makes something within him shatter, Eijun is certain that this isn’t a dream. Because if it was indeed a dream, it would be awfully cliche. The kiss would’ve happened at the top of the ferris wheel ride and there would be fireworks. 

Though that’s not exactly what’s happening is it? What’s happening right now is something Eijun wouldn’t even dream of. 

Miyuki presses in again, tentative, tender, like he isn’t sure, doesn’t know how to, which is probably true, and that’s fine. It’s fine because Eijun is sure he’s just as hesitant, just as awkward. He thinks there’s a certain sweetness to how they’re both inexperienced and clumsy as they slide against each other's lips. 

They’re each other’s first kiss. Eijun realizes with a gasp and Miyuki, ever the opportunist, takes the chance to slide his tongue inside. He lets out a soft moan at the well appreciated intrusion. 

Before Eijun could return the favor however, they’re interrupted. 

“Alright, alright! Break it up you two before you both get charged for public indecency!” A voice that annoyingly sounded like Kuramochi, yells. 

Miyuki pulls back slightly with clear reluctance, exhaling softly and Eijun tightens his arms around Miyuki’s neck, which probably wound itself around there during the heat of the moment (there wasn’t that much heat though, considering how soft it all was). Eijun groans out in protest as he tries to chase Miyuki’s lips, already missing it’s warmth at the beginning of the cold night air. 

With their closeness, Eijun feels Miyuki vibrate against him as he chuckles. “We can continue this when we return to the dorms if you want. I don’t have a roommate after all.” 

Despite the blush that intensifies along the lines of his cheeks, Eijun beams at Miyuki. He opens his mouth to respond but he’s interrupted. Again.

What the hell. 

“Who says you’re going to continue this? Sawamura, from this point onward, you’re banned from being alone with Miyuki in his room and ours, or better yet, you’re banned from being alone with him ever. Who knows what could happen to you when you’re alone with this pervert.” Kuramochi, who they didn’t even notice approach, warns. 

“Wow, didn’t know you had an overprotective streak to you, Mochi. Would you look at that, Sawamura, you’ve got yourself an older brother now.” Miyuki taunts as he drops his hands to grip around Eijun’s waist. 

Ignoring the aggressive red flush across his face and the way his stomach flips at the warmth of Miyuki’s palm that seems to seep through the fabric of his hoodie, Eijun turns to his roommate, who had a disgusted sneer playing on his lips as he glares at Miyuki - Miyuki, who only snickers back. 

“But Kuramochi-senpai!” Eijun shouts, appalled. “We’re not going to do anything! At all!”

Kuramochi’s gaze shifts to him and he eyes Eijun suspiciously, and maybe a bit incredulously. Miyuki brings up a hand to flick his finger at Eijun’s forehead. 

“Ow! What the hell was that for, Miyuki Kazuya?!”

Miyuki, an absolute asshat, snickers. “You’re making it sound like we’re going to actually do something, which we’re not but if you want to then I don’t mind either.” He shrugs, no big deal, as if he didn’t just suggest not being opposed to the idea engaging in sexual intercourse with Eijun, in their dorm rooms no less. 

As if he’ll let both of their first times be in a room where people can walk in on at anytime! And it’s a room they share with other people too. Geh. 

Kuramochi sighs, defeated, as if he’s resigned himself to something so draining which, okay, fair and true. “C’mon, we should go now, the rest are waiting for us at the exit.” He says before turning to walk back where Ryousuke was sitting in between Furuya and his little brother on a bench. 

Now with no one bothering them, Eijun turns to meet Miyuki’s gaze and just lets himself feel. Feel the way Miyuki’s fingers caress the curves of his waist, feel the way his whole body practically warms and flushes at the way Miyuki looks at him, a look of adoration with a dash of amusement because who else would Miyuki Kazuya be if he didn’t find anything and everything the least bit amusing. What an asshole. 

How he fell for such an asshole, Eijun will never know. 

“Hey,” Eijun whispers as his fingers play at Miyuki’s hair. “Wanna catch for me later?” He grins. 

Miyuki snorts a laugh. “You really know how to ruin the mood, don’t you?” 

I guess that makes the two of us, you ass. He grumbles because he still hasn’t forgotten about Miyuki ruining his moment at the top of the ferris wheel, however, what he says instead is,  

“You can complain all you want, Miyuki Kazuya, but you’re going to be stuck with me now. No take backs.” Eijun grins, a bit more smug this time. 

And the response he gets… is not something he expects. He expects a smirk, a taunt, a snarky retort. 

Eijun is pleasantly surprised for the first time in a while. 

The catcher’s smirk softens into a small smile and squeezes his arms around Eijun. He leans forward, forehead touching against his and Eijun has to hold his breath because god, he will never get over Miyuki’s eyes. They’re so unexpectedly expressive when he wants them to be and it’s beautiful. And Eijun could be a little shit right now and say something along the lines of, ‘Oh, I didn’t know the Miyuki Kazuya had emotions’ and the only thing stopping him from saying such is the fact that those emotions are directed at him, peering at him right now, giving him their absolute attention and boy, oh boy does it make him satisfyingly breathless. 

“We really should go now, I can feel Kuramochi glaring holes at us and as much as I thrive off of getting on his nerves, it’s getting late and there’s practice tomorrow so-”

“Date me, Miyuki Kazuya.” Oh my god, can he just shut up for once. 

And Miyuki stills, blinking, as if trying to process what Eijun had just blurted out, again. Expectedly, it doesn’t take much time for Miyuki to burst out laughing and Eijun secretly preens at the way the fingers on his waist tighten around him as he does. He guesses impulsively saying whatever the hell you want with no ounce of control whatsoever has its good moments too. 

“I thought it was a given when we kissed but I guess you really do need everything spelled out for you huh?” Miyuki teases, a lopsided grin on his face. 

Eijun opens his mouth to argue that you need to properly ask someone to be in a relationship with you, you damn tanuki and that verbal confirmations are important damn it. Just because they kissed and confessed their feelings for each other doesn’t mean-

“It’s fine. I like that about you. Only sometimes anyway.” Miyuki says, uncharacteristically soft despite the teasing remark. 

“You didn’t have to add the last part,” Eijun pouts and he doesn’t bother denying the pleased flush it gives when Miyuki’s eyes dart down his lips at the action. 

“I swear to god if you two lovebirds don’t hurry up right now..” They hear Kuramochi growl at the distance and they immediately pull away from each other, snickering. 

“We’re coming!”

And they walk, with their hands entangled together all the way to the dorms. Eijun swears he’s never felt so… happy? refreshed? He doesn’t - can’t find the appropriate word to describe what he felt at that moment. Everything that happened wasn’t so horribly cliche and while Eijun was such a sucker for those, he feels that it was better that it wasn’t that cliche. It was perfect though. Just a tad bit cliche but definitely perfect for Eijun standards. He also never really did end up beating his dumb fear of heights but hey, at least he has Miyuki now. 

Eijun snuggles up warm in his bed that night, thinking fondly, 

Ah, well, it’s not like Miyuki suits cliches anyway.