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Kei looked at his friend, watching the small piece of hair sadly sag at the top of his head. His face covered by his arms as he swiveled on the desk chair. He had his legs straddling the backrest, using his feet to propel him fast.
“I thought you liked him.” Kei sat cross-legged, his arm resting on his knee. His chin was pressing into his palm, holding his head up. He wasn’t sure why Tadashi was here when he was invited out by someone already.
“I do.”
There was a long pause. His friend hadn’t looked up for almost half an hour. Kei didn’t say anything, he watched him spin around.
“Then why are you here?”
“He likes someone else.” Tadashi stopped moving, his ankles caught against the base.
“Oh.” It wasn’t that long ago he knocked on the front door with red puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He had an idea what happened but didn’t think it was going to be this bad. What’s not to love about him? He’s a whole package.
“So you still have that stupid book?”
“It’s not stupid.”
“Whatever.”
Kei uncrossed his legs, knees popping as he stood up.
2 am thoughts.
Kei surprisingly enjoyed poetry. He had a few favorites on the shelf. But this one, he really liked it. He could relate the most to it.
“Here.”
Tadashi looked up, his eyes squinting, adjusting to the brightness. “Why is your room so bright?”
It wasn’t.
“Must be the new light bulb.” Kei changed it more than a month ago.
Tadashi took the book, letting the pages flit against the edge of his fingers as he flipped the pages over and over.
“Is it new?” The flipping stops when it reaches a bookmark.
All I ever wanted is to feel wanted by you.
11:11 PM
“Tsukki?”
“Hm?”
Don’t ask if I like anyone.
“Do you think the world hates me?”
No, never.
“Maybe.” He stands awkwardly, the heels of his feet dig into the harsh carpet. He eyes Tadashi’s fingers drag on the page, going over the letters one by one. They were long nails, perfectly manicured thanks to Yachi. There was a small shine to them.
Is he wearing nail polish?
Kei likes it. It suits him.
“You want to do something?” Kei offers, watching Tadashi’s tanned arm stop moving. The hair on the nape of his neck rises when he hears Tadashi breath in sharply.
“Sure.” He sighs out, slamming the book shut. It hits the desk with a soft thud. He plants his head sideways on his forearms, watching Kei move around the room. Red and white cables in hand, while the other reaches for the controllers in the back of his drawers. He’s too lazy to organize, especially if it always ends in a mess whenever they clean up afterwards.
“What game?” Kei finally feels the edges of a button. He moves his hand across and finds the vibration motor, the cool plastic touch against his fingertips.
“Hmm.” Tadashi hums. “Minecraft.”
Kei wants to build him a mansion or a small cottage, whichever Tadashi is in the mood for, but all Tadashi wanted to do was kill everything in sight, catching forests on fire and drowning himself in the ocean.
He turns his head to ask if he was okay, the words never left his lips. He saw tears fill the brim of Tadashi’s eyes.
“Yamaguchi?”
He sniffled, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Sorry.” He cleared his throat, abruptly standing up. The controller was vibrating as his character lost health over time. “I’ll be back.”
“Okay.”
He watched his friend’s back disappear behind the doorway, his hands covering his face as tears spilled between his fingers. Kei stayed seated, looking at half the screen turned red. His heart panged with pain.
I wish you could love me instead.
He knew that it would never happen, yet he’ll stay with him. He loves him and he always will.
Even if it hurts.
Kei sat there, waiting for him to come back. It’s been 15 minutes. He debates whether getting up and checking on him or to keep waiting. He looked around the room. Tadashi’s phone was missing.
He gets up, taking long strides down the hall till he reaches the bathroom. There was sniffling behind the door.
You don’t need to be a detective to figure out he was rejected. Well, indirectly rejected. He could guess that much at least.
“I’m at Tsukki’s house.”
Kei holds in his breath.
“Don’t call him that.”
He must have called him by the nickname too. Kei hates it when others say it.
“What do you want?” There was annoyance dripping in every word.
Kei wants to knock, take his phone away and throw it in the ocean.
“What?”
He holds his fist mid-air, waiting for a sign.
“I don’t want to see you right now.” Hurt, pain, heartbreak. Kei can feel it radiate from his voice. It hurts him.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just going through some stuff.” He did everything wrong. Kei blamed him for everything he put his freckled friend through.
“I’ll text you later.”
Please don’t.
“Yeah. See you.”
Don’t go back to him.
Kei jumps back, resting on the wall behind him. He didn’t want to seem like he was eavesdropping, the last thing he wanted to do was invade his best friend’s privacy.
“Oh, Tsukki.” Tadashi’s was a bit wet, his nose and cheeks were red from rubbing too hard. “Is something wrong?”
Kei shakes his head. “I was wondering if you wanted to walk to get some slurpees.”
“Sure.” Kei is tempted to grab his wrist, pull him along his side, but he knows Tadashi needs his space. He’ll ask for physical comfort when he needs it. So he’ll wait for him.
“I’ll get my wallet.” Tadashi makes his way back to the room, the wallet untouched, full of money he thought he needed for his plans earlier.
“I’ll pay.” Kei twirls his thumbs around each other, he’s not sure why he’s nervous but Tadashi always made him feel like this. It was like a thousand butterflies coursing through his body, wings fluttered and tickled his skin.
“It’s fine.” Tadashi gives him a sad smile. “Not like I’m gonna use it for anything else.”
Ouch. Kei makes a goal to make him actually smile.
“It’s my treat.” I want to spoil you. “Besides, I owe you.”
But he didn’t. He always paid back the day of, but today, he wanted to give him something without the idea he’s being owed anything. Tadashi deserves the most and Kei wanted to give him that.
“Hmm.” Tadashi thinks. “I don’t remember anything you owe me for.”
Kei thinks faster. “Not yet. I want your famous strawberry pancakes.”
Tadashi lets out a light chuckle. “Okay, Tsukki.” He gives him a smile. It’s not as wide or big as he wanted, but it’s a start.
It hurts to love you when you love someone else.
“Which is better: Wicked or Frozen?”
Kei clacked the lollipop between his teeth, the watermelon flavor scraping his sore gums. He let it sit on the side for too long, but he couldn’t help it. He was too distracted by the sight of his friend’s face glowing, matching the sky’s ever changing hues.
“Wicked.” He answers.
Tadashi took out his phone, sifting through the list of youtube videos he’s collected over the years. He clicks on his favorite song from it.
Popular.
“Why that one?” Kei pulls at the stick, attempting to detach the tiny candy ball.
“It’s catchy.” Tadashi sighs, pressing a hand to his cheek. His fingers drumming along with the beat.
The song is halfway done until it’s distrubed by a small notification bell. Kei looks over, expecting it to be a message from the team’s group chat. There was only one ping. It was a single message from someone.
Tadashi taps on his phone. The song stops completely.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing.” Tadashi answers quickly, his hands clench around his phone. Kei can see the small lines on his knuckles deepen.
“Okay.” Kei says that a lot, he knows that. Could he confess his undying love for his freckled best friend? No. He couldn’t, not when Tadashi was still heartbroken. All thanks to a stupid captain (at least that’s his opinion) who had the audacity to invite him out one on one to tell him he’s in love with someone else. The days where Tadashi would smile and blush at his phone because the other was flirting with him were over.
He was played, completely tossed aside when someone else showed interest in the same boy.
Kei always hated the idea of crushes, always thought they were nothing but a waste of time.
He was proven wrong.
Tadashi baked a strawberry shortcake for Kei’s birthday when he turned 12.
He fell in love fast.
The older they got, the stronger it grew. He would dream of nights where they would lay in bed, basking in the moonlight’s glow. He’d dream of sunny warm days, having a picnic with soggy fries and different dips even though he knew Tadashi always liked it with ketchup.
Now he’s watching his best friend pine over someone else. The universe truly hated Kei.
“Ugh.” Tadashi shut his phone off. “Want to get a coffee?”
Kei shrugs, but he stands up anyway. He knew his friend needed a distraction, and that’s exactly what he’ll provide.
Another ping goes off. Tadashi ignores it.
“So, Hinata ran into a lamppost today.” Kei isn’t good at making conversations.
Correction: He’s not good at making conversations with anyone but Tadashi.
He’s especially good at listening to him when he needs it.
“Of course he did.” Tadashi mumbles. His breathless chuckles mixes with the wind coursing between them. A few leaves hit at their ankles, lightly scratching against the sliver of exposed skin. Kei needs new pants, he’s grown a few inches.
The phone goes off again. Two pings. Two freaking pings.
Tadashi yanks out his phone, putting his thumb on the screen to unlock. His wallpaper was him and the person he was deeply head over heels with. Something twists within Kei’s stomach.
His fingers hurried over the screen, pressing hard on the message app.
► are you ignoring me? );
► oi stop leaving me on read! :((
Tadashi scoffed, pressing the power button faster than Kei could read any more. He knows there are more messages above them, but the ones incoming caught his attention faster.
“Do you want to go home?”
Tadashi shook his head. “I just want to stay out for awhile.” He zips down his sweater. The freckles on his neck stand out against the pale yellow light from the street.
“Alright.” Kei thumbs the zipper on his jacket. They were only hanging out at Ukai’s shop for the evening until Tadashi needed a break from being around his family. They could be too much sometimes, they were always sticking their nose in Tadashi’s business. He needed to breathe comfortably if he was going to move one.
That is, if he was going to move on.
He’s seen what love can do to people. Sadly, he’s one of them.
“Do you think I could learn French?” Tadashi’s phone went off again.
“I think you should learn Korean.” Kei’s eyebrow raised at the ongoing ringtone.
He was calling him.
“Are you going to answer that?” Kei didn’t want him to. He wanted to hold his hand, console him, kiss him, hold him tight. He wanted to do so many things but alas the world has better plans.
“I’m not sure.”
Kei looks at him. “You could tell him you need space.”
Tadashi shrugs. “I wish I could delete my feelings like they were computer files.”
“You’re not a computer.”
“Unfortunately.” His voice drips with poison. The ringing finally stops, showing a missed call icon on the lock screen, followed by another message. Tadashi thumbs the power button until the small menu pops up.
Shut down.
“Uh…” Kei wants to smile but he knows why Tadashi really did it. “Are you sure you wanted to do that?”
Tadashi looks at him, smiling like he has no care in the world. “I’m with you. He can wait 100 years if he has to.”
Kei has never been happier.
He knows it’s wrong to be this close to someone when they’re moving on. He knows it's wrong to even be physical in a romantic sense, yet he couldn't stop himself from throwing an arm across the other’s shoulder. It felt natural.
“Do you toast your pop tarts?”
“Yeah.”
“Nice.” Tadashi doesn’t lean into him, he doesn’t pull away either.
“Do you?”
“No, I eat them raw.”
Kei looks at him like he was mad. “They’re meant to be toasted, you rebel.”
“I think you’re just too extra.” Tadashi smirks.
“I think you’re hanging around me too much.” Kei bumps his head onto Tadashi’s. “My sarcasm is rubbing off on you.”
“You know what they say.”
“What do they say?”
“I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” He blows hot air into his hands.
“If I have to stay and suffer, I’m dragging you down with me.” Kei pulls them down, falling onto the wooden boards of his patio.
“Ow! A little warning?” Tadashi giggled.
Kei sneaks a glance, watching the stars twinkle in the reflection of his eyes. He watches a white streak across.
“A wishing star! Quick, make a wish.” Tadashi closes his eyes, his fingers tap a familiar song against the patio floor. The wood digging into the back of their thighs.
Kei closes his eyes, breathing in deeply. The spicy scent of cinnamon fills his lungs.
I wish you loved me instead.
There’s a small pause between them.
I wish.
“What’d you wish for?” He asks.
“I’m not telling.” Tadashi replies cheekily. He pressed a finger to Kei’s cheek, giggling at him when he jumped from his ice cold finger.
“Why are your hands always cold?”
“Why aren’t yours?”
“It’s called a sweater.”
“Hm. Never heard of it. Mind if I see what it is?” Tadashi chides when Kei sits up, pulling his sweater off and tossing it over Tadashi’s head. He’s glad he couldn’t see the red blush on his cheeks.
The sweater was big, warm and soft inside. He wore it, letting the bottom touch above his knee. Sure he was tall, but Kei was gaining muscle and it showed through his clothing size.
He looks so cute in it.
“Sorry, do you want it back?”
Kei immediately shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” He licks his lips, dried from either from the cold or how nervous he was. “It looks nice on you.”
“Oh.” Tadashi sits up, their shoulders brush. “Thanks.” He says quietly, his voice caught in the back of his mouth.
They stayed quiet, looking at the stars. Kei focused on the brightest one, the colors were changing from blue to red.
“Tsukki?”
“Hm?”
“Thanks.”
Kei feels weight on this shoulder, his heart thumping hard in his chest. He hopes Tadashi can’t hear it, he hopes Tadashi could. He’s unsure what he wants, but the warmth Tadashi gives off convinces him to let go and relax.
He lets his head rest against him. “I’ll always be here for you.”
Always.
Kei doesn’t like getting violent, sometimes he wants to slam pillows against people when they snore or scream past midnight. He doesn’t hurt people, at least in a physical sense. Oh no, he’s a good kid.
That changed when he saw him standing next to his best friend, laughing and cheeks flushed, whispering whatever is supposed to be funny in his ear.
He wanted to shove him away from Tadashi. He wringed the towel in his hands.
“Uh, Tsukishima?”
“What?” He turned to Hinata, scowling.
“The towel isn’t alive.” He points a finger. It was wrung out and rumpled in his fists.
“I know.” He turned away, his entire face felt hot.
“What’s Yamaguchi doing over there with-” The coach blows his whistle, motioning to come back in for a meeting.
Tadashi waves the boy off, smiling his small shy smile he preserves for his crush. Kei wishes he would smile at him like that.
“What were two talking about?” Kei asks.
Tadashi sits beside him, the tip of his ears blossom a bright red. “Ah, stuff.”
Stuff.
He feels his stomach twist, it churns with envy. He doesn’t remember anything Ukai talked about, he could care less.
“Tsukki?”
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.” Just dandy.
Tadashi leans to his side, the tips of their fingers merely touching for a fraction of a few seconds. It could have been longer if Kei would stop being a bit of a brat.
“No really, what’s biting at you?”
Kei signs. “I’m just in a pissy mood today.”
Tadashi hums. “You seemed fine earlier. Did something happen?”
“Kind of.” Nothing else was said. Ukai’s voice drowns out their thoughts for a couple of minutes.
“Want to watch the new jellyfish documentary this weekend?”
Kei doesn’t have to think twice. “Yes please.”
→♥←
He sees the boy again at dinner, watching him lean into Tadashi’s space. He mindlessly stabs his rice, pieces of it scatter around his tray. They were supposed to get dinner together, but Tadashi had some business to attend to.
Now that he thinks about it, he should have stayed with him. Even if it had nothing to do with him, he still could have been by his side. He mentally curses at himself, a list of words he knows and never heard said before out loud.
“Oi!” He turns to see Kageyama looking irritated.
“What, King?”
“Stop playing with your food.”
“Why do you care?” He retorts.
“I know what jealousy looks like, you salt bag.” Kageyama scoffs. Kei looks at him.
“What?”
“I said,” Kageyama stands up to look down on him, “you’re jealous .” The word is spat out with venom claws clinging at his back.
Kei pushes their trays off the table. Their chests are nearly touching.
“Hey hey!”
“Woah, stop!”
Tanaka and Kuroo run to their side, pushing them away. Tadashi turns back in time to see mouths move and fists thrown.
Kei threw the first punch. He didn’t punch Kageyama.
He punched Kuroo.
“Tsukishima!” Ukai storms, his yell echoes. “Outside! Now!”
Kei fucked up.
He shoves Tanaka’s hands aside, storming past everyone. Ukai was close behind him.
“I thought he was for sure going to punch Kageyama.” He hears Suga whisper to Asahi.
Kageyama? He turns around to see his shocked face, mouth gaped wide open.
“Kageyama?” His voice wavers. “What happened?”
Kageyama’s shoulders rise. He slowly turns to face the freckled boy. “I’m not sure.”
“Fuck dude, for someone so skinny, he packs a punch.” Kuroo rubs the side of his jaw, Kenma holding a frozen bag of vegetables to his face. He felt his stomach flip.
Of course, Kenma would be there to help him first.
He sighed, throwing his food away. He’s too tired to deal with this. He needs to see Kei, he gives him a sense of peace. But first, he needs to throw some sense into him.
→♥←
“I’m not apologizing.” Kei looks up at the ceiling, watching the bright white lights burn into his eyes. He can feel the water form from the edges, threatening to spill.
“You still have to.” Tadashi looks at him, his arms folded underneath his head. His head was resting on the bed, watching Kei lie down restlessly.
“I don’t want to.” His fingers grip the sheet underneath. “Fuck that guy.”
“Tsukki!”
“What?” He doesn’t look at him, despite the cold warning.
“Look at me.” He doesn’t budge.
“Tsukki, look at me.” Tadashi sits up. “Please.”
Kei sighs, he shuts his eyes. The tiny tear droplets dissolve into his eyelash.
“Kei.” He gasps, opening his eyes to see Tadashi’s face hovering above his. His soft breath tickles the tip of his nose.
He felt like his heart was going to leap out of his throat.
“Say my name again.”
Tadashi innocently tilted his head. “Why?”
“Just say it.”
“Kei.”
“Again.”
“Kei.”
He closed his eyes, sighing in pleasure. He never loved his name more than the way his crush had said. It was the cream in coffee, the whip cream to his strawberry. Perfect. Sweet. Nectarous.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I'll apologize.” He reopened his eyes, ogling Tadashi’s dimples.
“Good.”
“On one condition.”
Tadashi looked surprised. “What is it?”
“Call me Kei when it’s the two of us?”
Tadashi tilted his head the other direction. “I thought you said it was childish?”
“Changed my mind.” Kei sits up slowly, wincing at the sharp pain spiking from his fist. He almost forgot about the punch.
“And ‘Tsukki’ is still okay?” Tadashi moves back a little to give him space, his face still close enough for Kei to reach out. But he doesn’t.
“That’s different.”
“How so?”
Kei has half a mind to grab him by the collar and smash their lips together. “We’re best friends, you get nickname rights.”
“Some people call you ‘Glasses’ though.”
“And I hate it.”
“Hmm.” Tadashi straightens himself up, lending a hand to help Kei out of bed. “I’ll patch your hand.” He offers.
Kei wants to say no, but he realizes it’s the perfect excuse to have his hand held.
“I’m not going to ask why you punched him.” Tadashi massages his knuckles, they sting at first but the pressure alleviates the stiffness.
Kei watches his fingers rub around the back of his palm. He continues to knead his stressed hand until his hands reach his wrist.
“Better?”
Kei nods. “Better.”
Tadashi snaps the first aid kit shut. They didn’t use a lot besides sports bandages to protect his hands during volleyball, though they don’t know if he’ll play after the stunt he pulled.
“I wonder if Ukai will still let you play.”
“Probably not.”
Tadashi is about to leave him alone until Kei reaches out for his hand.
“Kei?” At least he remembered to say his name.
Kei shrugs, dismissing his curious glance. “You can stay.”
“I can’t.” Tadashi shakes his head. “It’s late, I need sleep.”
“I’m not tired.”
“Not yet.”
“I’m still not letting go.”
“Alright. Come with me then.” Tadashi pulls him up, squeezing his hand to help encourage him.
Kei’s heart wants to leap out of his mouth, too afraid to say anything without choking on air. He sputters, gasping for air.
“No need to get so worked up.” Tadashi pats his back, not too hard to hurt but not so gentle either. It was just right.
“I’m just anxious.” He presses their palms together, it’s a perfect fit.
“You don’t need to be.”
“Easy for you to say, you didn’t punch someone in front of every team.” Kei scoffs.
Tadashi bumps their shoulder. “I thought it was kind of sweet.”
Kei raises his eyebrow, bumping back.
“It felt like you stood up for my honor.” Tadashi looks ahead, the lights coming from the rooms. The teams had designated sleeping quarters, fortunately for them, Karasuno’s was all the way at the end of the hall. “At least that’s how it felt like.”
“Well, in a way it was.” Kei looks away, his eyes trace the small shadows of their figures until it disappears when they pass by doorways.
“It’s kind of bittersweet.” Tadashi doesn’t miss Kuroo leaning down to look at Kenma’s phone. He bites his lip, trying to keep his breathing from escalating.
“Well, anyone who doesn’t return your feelings doesn't deserve to be by your side.” Kei doesn’t miss the devastated expression coming from his face, he wants to do anything for him to ease the pain.
If only I could be the one you love, I’d never hurt you.
“You’re right.” Tadashi sighs.
Kei looks at him in shock. Did he agree on what Kei had said? Did he hear right? Maybe it was a fluke or-
“I have you anyways.” Tadashi swings their hand, smiling as Kei loosens his arm to let him.
Maybe not…
“Want to go outside?” Kei stops walking, pulling Tadashi back from coming into their team’s vision behind the opened door.
“Right now?” Tadashi wasn’t bothered.
Kei nods, taking long strides. Walking backwards is a terrible decision, but it seems fit. For Tadashi, he’d do the dumbest thing in the world if he could see him smile in the end.
“You’re a dork.” Tadashi follows along willingly, their footsteps hurry, running down the halls until they reach the door.
“Yamaguchi!” They turn back. Kuroo, his face bandaged and bruised, eyes hardened at the sight of Kei. “Where are you two going?”
Kei’s head starts pounding, his fist twitching. Tadashi rubs a thumb on his knuckles, his fingers were slightly calloused, but soft.
“We’re just going out for a bit.” Tadashi doesn’t let go of their hands.
“You guys need to get back to your rooms. We have practice in the morning.” Kuroo bites out, “Well, some of us do at least.” The bitter words leave sharp angry stabs in the back of Kei’s head.
Kei clicks his tongue, anger bundling in the bottom pit of his stomach, flurrying up the lines of his lungs. If anger was an actual being, he was sure it would have eaten him alive, the sheer amount that consumed his mind was almost enough to give it a mere presence in his life.
Keyword: almost.
Tadashi straightened his back, his shoulders tensed. “I understand your concern, but you’re not our captain. You don’t need to watch out for us.”
Kei wanted to smirk, his best friend was standing up to his crush. He almost wanted to laugh.
“I’m a third year, it’s my job to look after everyone who needs it.” Kuroo wasn’t backing down.
“And I don’t care what you think.” Tadashi bit back.
Kei opened his mouth, the words on the tip of his tongue.
“I don’t want to hear it, Tsukishima.”
He would have seen red if Tadashi wasn’t holding onto his hand tightly, bringing him back to the dimmed hallway and a stupid wild cat in front of them.
“Leave him alone.” Tadashi seethes, “You can’t just worry about me when you literally left me not so long ago.”
“Tadashi-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Kuroo.” Tadashi pulls him, the door opening and slamming against the wall. If it made a hole, neither of them cared.
“Tadashi!” Kuroo’s voice cut off, the door shoved closed. Kei didn’t want to hear any more of it.
“Fuck this place.” Tadashi’s voice cut the air. Kei pulled him back to face him, he yanked his hand out of Tadashi’s tight grip, grabbing the sides of his arms.
“Tadashi, look at me.”
His eyes were drawn to the ground, the clumps of grass beneath were dying out. Light brown dried edges on each blade.
There were approximately 52 blades of grass beneath them. He’s good at counting quickly.
“Tadashi.”
Tadashi tuts. “What?” There was a lack of harshness to his voice. He was softening in Kei’s hands.
Kei loosened his grip, slightly rubbing his thumb on a spot to help relax him. His mother used to do this every time he was stressed.
“You don’t need him.” Kei swallows the spit pooling in his mouth. He was getting nervous, his heart racing a billion miles per second. “I’m here for you.”
“I know.” Tadashi rests his head against Kei’s chest.
Kei’s hands freeze mid-air, his heart runs a thousand miles per second. Tadashi doesn’t comment on it.
“Sorry.” There are wet spots forming on his shirt.
“It’s okay.” Kei rubs his back, long smooth circles massage into him. He shushes him, whistling softly as he keeps comforting him. He feels arms wrap around him, his gulps hard. His heart can barely take it.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
Kei’s voice cracks. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Hey Tadashi?”
“Hm?”
“Fuck that guy.” Tadashi pulls away to look at him. Kei looks down, his eyes resolved and confident. “You deserve so much better.”
Tadashi eyes begin to water again.
“Just remember you deserve to be someone’s first and only choice.” Kei wipes the one tear off his cheek. “Okay?”
Tadashi nods, his eyes crinkling as he smiles, a tiny burst of laughter spills. “Okay.”
They come back to the room, the team sleeping and snoring. Kei looks at his phone.
2:00 am.
He turns around in his futon, Tadashi looks back at him. He reaches out a hand, Kei takes it, squeezing it lightly.
I'll always love you, even if it hurts.
Even if his friend marries or finds himself a boyfriend, he’ll still be there.
I wish.
Kei carries two cups of iced green tea. The condensation almost made them fall through his hands. He did get suspended for punching someone, but it wasn’t a big deal as he thought it was. Kuroo told them he instigated a bit, he lied.
He didn’t want his pity. He should have just said he did it just cause.
“Have you ever written poetry before?” Tadashi takes his cup, a commercial runs in the background. The jellyfish documentary is currently on break.
“No.” Kei sat next to him, his eyes traveled around, taking in the sight. Tadashi is sitting cross-legged on the sofa, a pillow on top of thighs. He takes a big swig, his thirst quenched, but not Kei’s.
Oh no.
It’ll take more than a cold drink to make him satisfied.
“Would you ever try?”
“I don’t think I’ll be good at it.” Kei sips slowly.
Tadashi looks down in his cup, watching the ice cubes clink against the glass.
“Why poetry?” Kei asks.
“I think it’s sweet.” Tadashi chuckles. “To express words freely. No rules whatsoever.”
“I’ll write you one.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Tadashi looks back at the TV. A moon jellyfish swims in front of the screen, taking almost the entirety of it. Those are his favorite.
“I think you’ll be good at it.” He comments.
Kei looks at the ceiling. “Doubt it.” He says offhandedly.
“You like poetry.”
“And?”
“You know many ways how poets express themselves.”
“That’s true.”
“I think you’ll do fine.”
“Just fine?”
“If I say great, you won’t give it your all.” Tadashi smirks behind his cup, his eyes stay on the screen, reading the subtitles he convinced Kei to leave on.
He’s right.
“You’re right.”
“Aren’t I always?”
Kei looks back to the front, in time to see multiple jellyfish carelessly swimming in the ocean. It was a beautiful sight. The bright blue ocean, deep under where no one can touch the life it carries.
“Yeah. You are.”
Tadashi hums. “I’m happy you’re here.”
The outer shells of Kei’s ear goes hot. “I’m happy you’re here too.”
► can we talk?
Kei takes a few moments to soak it in. His hands tremble on his lap. He should have tried to convince Tadashi to think further on it.
But if he did, it may have seemed controlling or give him a hint he was jealous. A single message can make Tadashi kilter. All Tadashi had to do was smile and Kei’s world stopped.
The non stop buzzing from Tadashi’s phone irks him. He doesn’t dare ask or stick his nose in his business.
“So…”
“So?”
Tadashi’s head tilts to the side, watching the blonde shift uncomfortably.
“What’s the deal with him?” He scolds himself, a thread of terrible thoughts fill his mind.
Way to be respectful of his privacy, Kei.
“Ah.” Tadashi looks back up the ceiling. “He just wanted to clear some things up.”
Kei scoffs. “Clear what up?”
“Exactly.” Tadashi laughed harshly, it sounded crude and mean. “I don’t see why he wants to patch things up now.”
“Patch things up?”
“Oh, I haven’t told you.” Tadashi sits up, stretching his arms over his head until he feels the satisfying pop from his shoulder. “Kenma rejected him.”
Kei sits up too fast, the blood rushing to his head, creating dark spots to fill his vision. “Ugh.” He clutches his head, letting it sway as the room spins.
“Woah, no need to be excited.” Tadashi sneers at him.
“Sorry.” Kei shakes his head, trying to gain back his focus. “And he wants to patch things up why?”
Tadashi clicks his tongue. “He wants to give us a try.”
“Us?”
“Me and him.”
“Oh.”
The silence was filled with crickets chirping, probably allowing itself in when Akiteru left the backyard’s door open for too long.
“Are you?”
“Huh?”
“Going to give him a try.” Kei’s breath becomes rapid.
“Oh.” Tadashi takes too long to respond, but the agony finally stops with the next words he speaks. “I don’t need him, I have you.” He smiles, his toothy grin piercing through Kei’s chest.
You’re such a dork.
Kei runs a hand through his hair, making him laugh in the process. The laugh was contagious, a mixture of deep and high laughter bouncing off the walls and straight out the window.
“What song do you want to listen to?” Kei pulls his phone out, readying Spotify at Tadashi’s command.
Tadashi leans back down, pulling Kei’s arm to fall next to him. Their heads bump.
“Jeesh, a warning next time?” Kei turns to him.
Tadashi sticks his tongue out. “Put something from Heathers.”
“Candy store it is.” Tadashi’s favorite song from the musical.
“You know me so well.” He giggles beside him, scooting himself closer.
“Of course your majesty.” Kei teases. He freezes as Tadashi wraps his hands around Kei’s arm.
“Sorry, is this weird?” Tadashi starts to pull away. Kei quickly traps his hand from fully slipping out.
“No.” He waits for Tadashi to come back. “I like it.” It was bold of Kei to say something like that, he’s not physical at all. At least to no one except Tadashi.
“Cool.”
They close their eyes, the warmth spreading to the soles of their feet. They listened to the song, nodding their heads along with the beats. Kei’s pulse slams against his wrist, Tadashi can probably feel it, but he doesn’t care.
I’m happy being with you.
Kei can’t sleep, the sky was empty. The lack of stars made his heart feel empty, almost painful to even breathe. He checks his message, the last text he sent to Tadashi was I’ll talk to you soon.
But how soon is too soon?
He’ll figure it out later, he’s already put pants and shoes on, slipping through the halls. He makes no noise when he leaves through the front door. It was still dark out, luckily for him.
The unlucky part is he might not see a happy Tadashi looking down at him from the window. He finds a few small pebbles laying on the sidewalk. He picks them up, not thinking any further.
Tadashi wasn’t angry, or upset. But he wasn’t too happy being awoke at 2 am from a few pebbles knocking against the glass window. He looks down, his best friend pacing back and forth.
“Kei?”
Kei looks up, his face glowing from the moon’s light.
“Let me in!” He whispers a little too harshly. The cold was biting his toes and cheeks. His ears hurt from the numbness.
“Hold on.” Tadashi sighs. He’s not reluctant when he lets him in through the backdoor, he doesn’t have any guilt building in the pit of his stomach when Kei lays next to him on his bed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Tadashi doesn’t believe him.
“It’s past 2 am and nothing is wrong?” His curiosity piques. “Are you sure?”
Kei exhales. “Okay, maybe.” He turns away from Tadashi’s intense gaze. He knows questions are being lined up in his smart little head of his.
“You gonna tell me?”
Kei makes no sound.
“Okay.” Tadashi turns to his side, his fingers glazing along Kei’s side.
“S-stop.” Kei huffs, his laughter almost choking him. The ticklish sensation fills his entire body, he wants to cry out in laughter, but he’s not supposed to be there, so he bites his tongue. “Okay, okay.” He surrenders.
“Tell me.” Tadashi waits for Kei to gather his breath.
“I have something to tell you.”
“Okay.”
“I like you.”
“I like you too. So what’s the problem?” Tadashi thinks Kei is stalling.
Kei turns to his side, looking straight into his eyes. “I mean I really like you.” He says his words slowly, carefully thinking out. He didn’t get far. He just blurted out what he’s been keeping in.
“I love you.”
Tadashi licks his bottom lip, the cool rush of air had dried it long ago.
Kei felt regret screaming from the back of his mind.
“Kei…” He used his given name.
Kei was beginning to get scared. “Just hear me out.” He breath stuttered, gulping air into his screaming lungs. “I know you don’t have feelings for me, but I don’t care.”
“...”
Kei continues. “I’ll always love you, even if you never feel the same, I’ll still be by your side.” Kei didn’t realize he was looking everywhere but Tadashi. He doesn’t regret meeting his eyes. He can feel the corners of his eyes prickle, tickling him. It’s uncomfortable and gross. It’s what Tadashi does to him.
“Kei, I-” Tadashi cuts himself off, swallowing before continuing. “Will you wait for me?”
Kei blinks away the teasing tears. His head feels light, fluffy, almost unbalanced. He stutters a little.
“Yeah.” He nods, smiling widely. He’s sure his dimples are showing, but he doesn’t care.
If this is as far as he’ll get it, he doesn’t care.
I’ll always be by your side.
Tadashi smiles back, laughing silently in his hand. Kei drags his hand to clutch his. What he didn't expect was Tadashi blushing at the contact, his shy smile growing as their hands weaved together.
Love, love, love, love. I’m in love.
Kei is in love.
I’ll wait for as long as I need to as long as I’m with you.
Everything crumbles when Kuroo shows up waiting by the school gate. His hands tremble, the floor beneath him feels like he’s walking on snakes.
Is that possible? He doesn’t know, he just wants him to disappear.
“Kei, is something wrong?” Tadashi pops up behind him, his eyes are curious and oh so adorable.
“He...He’s there.” Kei’s throat is dry.
“Who?” Tadashi didn’t get another word in.
“Tadashi!”
He turns around, his eyes widening. Kuroo’s hair was sticking out in random places, heavy and dark eye bags glued to his face. He was a mess, anyone with two eyes can see that.
Kei can also see the guilt that ate Kuroo away.
No no no no no no no no no no no-
Tadashi looks back at him. “I’ll be back.” He walks away.
He’s walking away! No!
The inner voices scream at him, taunting him, telling him he deserves this. He doesn’t deserve to be by his best friend’s side. The small smiles they share when they hold hands, the tiny winks they share behind books, the nights they sit on the bench drinking coffee from cans. Everything he treasured was going to be nothing but a mere memory.
No no no no no no n-
Slap!
Tadashi slapped him.
He slapped Kuroo.
He slapped him?
“Wh-”
“I’m not some person you can mess around with and leave whenever someone else happens to be available. I don’t deserve to be a second choice, Kuroo .”
He’s familiar with the venom dripping spiteful tone he’s using. He’s only heard it once before, when someone tried to lay hands on Kei a long time ago.
“I’m not going to be there for you. You left me!”
His heart was racing faster and faster.
“I have someone that loves me.”
Love.
“And they told me they’d wait for me.”
Wait.
His whole world spins, round and round, the sounds around him echo in his ears. He was so far, yet so close from everything.
“Goodbye, Kuroo.”
He didn’t hear the running footsteps, but he did feel the slam against his chest, nearly knocking him back.
“Ta-”
“Sorry!” Tadashi is snuggling closer to his chest, his ear on top of Kei’s ever-beating heart. “I just, oh god, I slapped him.”
Kei snickers.
“It’s not funny!”
“It is to me.”
“How so?” Tadashi’s grip around him tightens. He’s a nervous wreck too.
“He got what he deserves. You stood up and realized what you’re worth.”
Tadashi is hesitant to let go, but he does. He looks into Kei’s honey eyes. “I found someone better.”
Kei’s entire face burns up. He doesn’t hold back his bear hug, his cuddles Tadashi close to him. “Fuck, I love you so much.”
Tadashi laughs into his shoulder, holding him back.
→♥←
“Hey, Kei?”
Tadashi learns he really likes the sound of Kei’s heartbeat. He looks up at the blonde, watching his eyes glimmer from the faded lights in the hallway.
"What's wrong?" Kei questioned.
Tadashi studies Kei’s face, his cheeks are losing their baby fat. His eyes were darker, but it could be the lack of lighting. He was serious, no hidden smirk or hint of anything in his voice.
Tadashi’s heartbeat jumps, his stomach feels ticklish. He was familiar with the butterfly feelings whenever Kuroo messaged him, but this one was different. It was more nerve-wracking, almost as if he was supposed to make a presentation on an unfamiliar topic.
It was kind of addicting. It grew stronger the more he looked at Kei. His features etched in his mind, his long eyelashes, hair curling at the ends, the small glares on his glasses, everything, just everything he wanted to keep in his memory forever.
“I think I’m falling in love.” He whispers.
Kei smiles, it was small, straining himself from smiling like a doof. He can hear his heart beat in his ears. The loud pounding almost deafening, drowning out the small breaths Tadashi made.
They stare at each other, the small reflection of car lights passing by their faces. Kei wraps an arm around Tadashi, the other pulling him closer to cuddle against his chest. They’re a perfect fit, it’s obvious. The fast beating heart Tadashi hears relaxes him.
They hold each other at the park, the one where they first met.
The moment was almost perfect until Kei’s phone went off. His brother asked why he’s so late coming home.
He doesn't go home alone. They have dinner, laugh till it’s way past midnight, looking at silly cat videos.
A piano plays softly, the melody seeping into their hearts.
This is your 2 AM
Leave it all well spent
And just break down and cry
Because heartbreak can't be pushed aside
Kei listens to Tadashi breathing against his chest.
This is your heart undone
Take all the time you want
And some will try to help
But there is freedom in breaking down
Tadashi pulls his head away from Kei’s chest, stretching his neck out to press a light kiss to his cheek.
“Hey!” Tadashi handed a cup of coffee with a hint of cinnamon for Kei, and a big spoonful of cream in his.
“Hey.” Kei took it, his hands immediately warming up.
“Whatcha thinkin about?”
“You.”
Tadashi blushed. “Shut up.”
Kei laughs. “Sorry Tadashi.”
They drank their coffees in a comfortable silence, watching the water ripple and crash on the rocks below. The sight of the ocean from the beach was their new favorite spot. It was loud at times, but the sound of water relaxed them.
“What are you thinking about?” Kei asks between sips.
Tadashi’s lips rest on the cup. He pulls away for a simple answer.
“You.”
Tadashi holds both of Kei’s hands, lifting them up to his chest. They stayed in the air, hanging on nothing but each other. His mind was clear, his stomach flipped around thinking about the three words he’s been keeping in forever.
He was so sure of it, he’s been confident before, but not as much as today. The never-ending love Kei has given when he was unsure of himself, or the time he was moving on from Kuroo. He allowed himself to feel what it was like to be loved. It was embarrassing, almost too much to bear.
That was until he stayed up late, thinking, allowing every word his mind spewed to eat him alive. He wasn’t expecting his heart to race in his chest like it was in the freaking mile run for middle school P.E. He remembered Kei’s eyes, the way his chest felt against his head, the arms that wrapped around him when he cooked or read a book. The soft whispers when he was supposedly sleeping or napping.
The light touches against the back of his hand and neck.
“I love you.”
Kei bursted into tears, his cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and eyes were shut tight. His legs almost gave up until Tadashi wrapped his arms around him to keep him stabilized.
“I love you.” He repeated, laughing as tears streamed down his cheeks, leaving a trail of warm happiness.
Kei let his head rest on Tadashi’s shoulder.
“I love you too.”
Tadashi looked at the sky, the small cluster of stars above them, a few crickets chirping around them. He enjoyed their late night walks. It was a routine, a getaway for them to express anger and sadness they carried. It was a perfect date, there was no one around to judge them, no one to bother them. There were no regrets or hints of confusion in their words. They stood there for what seemed eternity, tangling their limbs to keep each other warm. Their heart beats matched the red blush on their cheeks. Kei kissed his cheek, making the brunette hide his face in Kei's chest out of embarrassment.
Kei laughed, his chest rising against Tadashi’s face. The small burst of bravery was slipping through Tadashi’s fingers. So he bites his cheek, pulling away a little too quick. It still doesn’t stop him. The adrenaline pumping through his veins. He looked at him, his eyes full of trust and adoration, his heart was beating too fast.
“Can I kiss you?” Kei asks.
Tadashi nods.
Kei takes a hand to cup his cheek, leaning down to fit their lips together. He can taste the cinnamon from their coffees. He can taste the slight hint of vanilla from the ice cream they shared. He can feel the soft plumpness of Tadashi’s lips.
They kissed, letting their mouths move freely. It was nice, romantic even.
The moment had to end eventually.
Kei heard his phone ring, the bright white numbers on the phone hurt his eyes.
2:00 am.
His mother was calling to ask where he was and if Tadashi was with him.
Time doesn’t exist between him and Tadashi. It was them against the world.
They liked it that way though. They didn’t need anyone else, but each other.
→♥←
“Babe, have you seen my tie?” Kei searched frantically, the drawers flinged open and closed.
“I got it!” Tadashi comes in, his hands already working around Kei’s dress shirt. “You wanted it ironed remember?”
Kei groaned. “I keep forgetting shit.”
“That’s okay.” Tadashi fixes, picking off a piece of lint from Kei’s suit jacket. “I’m here to help you.”
The poem written on a nice paper he gave him still hung on a frame.
I’ll love you when the sun stops shining,
when the moon leaves the night.
I’ll be the sky that holds the stars together,
Or ground that keeps you up.
If you need a light to find a way,
I’ll give you my life.
If you need my arms to keep you warm,
I’ll give you my heart.
Everything about you is what I love
So if you ever think or feel alone…
You’ll always have me.
Whether it’s late at night, or 2 in the morning.
I’ll always love you.
-Kei
Kei leans down, kissing his boyfriend’s temple. “I love you.”
Tadashi smiles, his hands pressed against Kei’s stomach. He stands on his toes to catch Kei’s lips, kissing him softly. The fluttery feeling he’s had as a teen grew into something more loving and comfortable. Things continued to change between, all for the better.
“I love you too.”