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2018 – Ben’s 22nd Birthday
Ben was pacing up and down his living room, Lexi was stood with her hand on her hip, and the look on her face was far too reminiscent of her mother. He was going to have words with Lola.
“Daddy. Stop. Uncle Cal will be here soon, and we’re going to have so much fun!”
Ben stopped,
“Sorry, Princess.” He ruffled her hair. “We are going to have the most fun ever! Now, go and change your dress!”
“But, Daddy, Elsa wants to go to Sealife. And Uncle Cal needs to see me as Elsa! Pleaseee…” She looked up at him, hands together in prayer, pleading with her eyes. He laughed, giving in as he always did. His daughter had him wrapped round her little finger.
“Okay! Okay! You can wear it out. Just don’t tell ya Mum!”
She linked her little finger with his, pulling their hands down, conspiratorially.
“Deal.” She grinned, cheekily.
Ben went back to pacing, feeling the same nervous energy that always consumed him when he knew he was going to be spending time with Callum. He loved Callum, there was no other word for it, but he was terrified to admit it, terrified to put the feeling into words. The last time he had loved anyone… It had ended badly. He still had nightmares. Callum had held him while he cried multiple times, because of Paul, because of his Dad, and hadn’t judged him once. He’d just been there to comfort him, and he couldn’t ruin their friendship, couldn’t afford to lose what they had.
Every so often, he’d get the sense that Callum felt the same, but he ignored it. Yet, he couldn’t deny that every time he heard his daughter call him, “Uncle Cal,” it made his heart burst with a joy he hadn’t felt since Paul had died.
“He’s here, he’s here!” Lexi’s excited scream punctuated through his thoughts, as she spotted him out of the window. She clambered onto the chair, grabbing hold of the back with one hand and waving enthusiastically at him with the other.
Ben watched the smile appear on Callum’s face upon spotting Lexi, unguarded and free, raising his hand at her in return. He bit the side of his mouth in an attempt to cover up his own enthusiasm, as he moved to answer the door.
“Hey.” He smiled, shyly, aware that Callum was the only person to ever bring out that side of him.
“Hey. I know it’s not your birthday 'til Wednesday, but we’re celebrating a few days early...” Callum replied, beaming at him, eyes twinkling. “So, here you go.”
He passed him a blue gift bag as he walked into the house, attention diverted by Lexi barrelling towards him, hugging his legs.
“Uncle Cal!”
“Hey, Little Miss.” He grinned, picking her up and spinning her round, laughing along with her. “You ready to spoil your Dad rotten?”
“Yes! Because it’s his birthday treat, and because he’s the best Daddy! Right?”
“Exactly right!” Callum grinned, meeting Ben’s eye, pointing at the gift bag. “You opening that?”
Ben gripped it tighter. This time last year, he was still oblivious to Callum’s existence. Now, he couldn’t imagine his life without the older man in it. He threw the tissue paper that rested at the top of the bag at Lexi’s head, laughing at her affronted expression, as it bounced off the top of her head. Reaching into the bag and pulling out the contents, he stared, unable to form words. He held a brown leather wallet in his hands, B.M. engraved into the bottom corner. It was beautiful.
“Callum, this is…”
“Open it. Go look, Lex.” Callum said, nudging Lexi’s shoulder. She snatched the wallet out of Ben's hands, opening it,
“It’s me!” Lexi squealed, shoving it back towards Ben. “You put me in Daddy’s birthday present!”
She hugged Ben, before running back to hug Callum again.
“Daddy, isn’t Uncle Cal the best?”
Ben was still staring at the photo inside, himself and his little girl, both beaming at the camera; it shocked Ben, how truly happy he actually looked.
“I love it.” Ben nodded, unable to say anything else, not trusting his own voice, replacing the wallet in his pocket with his new one.
“You’re welcome.” Callum whispered, softly.
Ben was itching to hug him, second guessing himself, then it was too late, and the moment had passed.
“Right, then, Princess,” he directed to Lexi, instead. “Go get your shoes on.”
She skipped out of the living room, shouting back at them,
“Uncle Cal! Daddy says I can wear my Elsa dress out today, but we can’t tell Mummy, okay?
Callum laughed, shaking his head fondly at Ben, closing the gap between them.
“She got you with the eyes again, right?”
“Alright, yeah, don’t start.” Ben said, elbowing him gently, knowing his smile had turned shy again, a spark flying in his chest when Callum looked back, seeing his breath stutter. At times like this, Ben felt like they were the only two people in the world, floating on their own little cloud. Then his thoughts would run away with him, making him crash back down to the ground with a heavy bump, making him pull away, stopping him from getting too close.
He moved towards the door,
“You ready, Lex? We need to get a move on!”
She appeared in front of him, shoes on the wrong feet, but her coat on and fastened.
“Come here, you Donkey! Your shoes are on the wrong feet!”
She pursed her lips at him, poking him in the shoulder as he bent down to help her.
“You should have helped me in the first place then, shouldn’t he Uncle Cal?”
Callum snorted,
“It’s true, Ben. You should’ve.”
“Don’t encourage her!” Ben said, grabbing Lexi and throwing her over his shoulder, as he stood back up. Her laugh filled the air, squealing, as she kicked her legs wildly,
“Daddy! Put me down!”
He opened the door with his free hand, placing Lexi back down on the door step. “Right, let’s go!”
Lexi walked to the tube station, gripping onto Callum’s hand, talking his ear off about her favourite TV show, what she’d had for breakfast that morning, what Jay had cooked her for dinner the night before. Ben stood back, watching them, content.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As they exited the tube station, Lexi’s excitement grew, pulling Callum and Ben along Westminster Bridge,
“You need to go quicker! It’s there! I can see it!”
“Lexi, Darling, we can’t go in for another hour. We’re early. And because this is a trip for my birthday, I say we go for a walk for a bit first.” Ben grabbed her, picking her up. “We’ll get to go to Sealife soon, though, alright?”
She sulked, bottom lip sticking out,
“Fine. But I’ll only wait because it’s your birthday day out. Now put me down.”
Callum laughed, as Ben scuffed his knuckles against her forehead and kissing her cheek, placing her back on the ground between them. She grabbed both their hands again, skipping along the path.
“She’s definitely your daughter.” He said, above her head.
“Nothin’ wrong with that, is there, Princess? Like Father, like daughter, ey?”
“Daddy’s the best.” Lexi aimed at Callum, matter-of-factly, head nodding once.
“I never said it was a bad thing, Ben?” Callum said, sincerely. “You’re amazing with her. She’s a lucky girl.”
Ben gulped, letting out a short breath, wishing Callum didn’t have the ability to knock the wind out of him with just words. He imagined days like this all the time, only with him holding Callum’s hand. Maybe one day, he’d have the courage and self-confidence to believe his friend really did want him in the same way.
They reached the end of the bridge, walking slowly through South Bank, Lexi letting go of either Callum or Ben’s hand at different intervals to point out something she’d seen; she was particularly a fan of the man who was making ginormous bubbles, and let out a shriek when a ‘statue’ of a lady in a pretty dress waved at her, unexpectedly.
“Daddy, that was scary! It wasn’t funny, Uncle Cal! Uncle Cal! Tell him, Daddy.”
Lexi let go of his hand, as she turned to Ben, offended look on her face. He watched Callum struggle to keep his laughter in check, reaching over to hit him lightly with the back of his hand,
“Uncle Cal, leave my daughter alone.” He smirked, as Callum pressed his lips together tightly, Lexi turning and sticking her tongue out at him.
“Sorry, Little Miss, I promise I’m not laughing!” Callum drew a cross over his heart. “Am I forgiven?”
She narrowed her eyes at him,
“I suppose so. Don’t do it again. Is it time to see fishes now?”
Seeing Ben's nod of confirmation, she cheered, grabbing both their hands again, swinging her arms,
“Swing me in the air? Please?”
Ben looked at Callum,
“After 3? 1… 2… 3…”
“Wheee!” Lexi giggled, as they raised her off the ground. “Again!”
“Once more… Then that’s it.”
She nodded, as they lifted her again, flying her through the air.
“I hope you’re enjoying your birthday treat as much as me?” Lexi asked, squeezing his hand. He squeezed back,
“I’ll enjoy any day with my two favourite people, Princess,” he dared to say, refusing to make any kind of eye contact with Callum.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Lexi, don’t go too far ahead!” Ben called from where he was stood, leant against a tank, sharks swimming around and above him. The lights used in the centre meant that everything was tinged in a deep shade of blue, and the reflection of the water sent a shimmer everywhere. It was calming, and he was enjoying watching his daughter get more and more excited at every new fish she saw.
“I’m glad you came today, Callum. I know spending the day with my kid in tow can’t be the most fun.”
He felt Callum’s hand touch his arm gently, the atmosphere of the environment making the action seem more intense and intimate than it probably should be.
“Ben, it’s been the best day. Honestly. I… Spending time with you and Lex… It means… You and Lex mean a lot to me.” He sighed, dropping his hand, and Ben mourned the loss of contact.
Despite being surrounded by people, and having one eye firmly trained on his little girl, there was something about where they were, the lack of light and ethereal glow coming from the tanks, that was compelling him to speak up, to tell Callum how much he meant to both him and his daughter. He pushed himself away from the tank.
“Callum, I –“ He was cut off by Lexi, shouting excitedly. He saw Callum smile at him, sadly, and he realised what he'd been about to do. He mentally berated himself. He couldn’t be the catalyst for ruining someone else. He didn’t deserve the kindness of the man in front of him, not in the way he wanted.
“Daddy, Uncle Cal, come, quick, look! I’ve found Nemo and Dory! They’re here! Daddy, take a picture to show Mummy!” Her eyes widened.
“Just… Don’t get my dress in the picture?” She added, in a whisper.
Ben forced out a laugh, hoping it sounded more natural than it did to his own ears,
“Mummy won’t mind you’re in the dress, Sweetheart, I was only joking.”
She looked at him, worriedly.
“Are you sure?”
“I promise it’s fine! Now, give us your best, ‘I found Nemo and Dory’ smile!”
She beamed at the camera, pointing at the fish behind her.
“This is the best tank so far!” She declared. “What’s been your favourite, Uncle Cal?”
“Definitely the Starfish, because its name reminds me of you.” Callum grinned.
“I am a star...” She agreed, as if the statement was obvious.
“No, you’re not!” Ben laughed, earning himself a scowl.
“Ok then. What was your favourite?”
“My favourite? Oh, definitely all these sharks. I heard it was feeding time, and you know what sharks favourite food is?” He moved towards her, slowly, pretending to grab her. “Little Princesses like you!”
“No!” She shook her head furiously, giggling nervously. Running behind Callum’s legs, she held onto the back of them tightly, peering her head round so that she could keep an eye on her Dad. “Don’t let him get me, Uncle Cal!”
“I’ve got this, Lex.” He stage-whispered, holding his arm out in front of him. “Sorry, Sir.”
Callum placed his hand at the centre of Ben’s chest, then his face fell for a fraction of a second. He instantly moved it away, before his features cleared again. Ben looked at him, quizzically, but Callum continued as if nothing had happened.
“I’m Elsa’s personal security guard, I’m afraid you’re coming nowhere near her!” He bent down, next to Lexi, placing a protective arm around her and tapping her nose with his finger. “I’ve got your back, Lex!”
Ben let the moment pass, instead taking a picture of the exchange currently taking place in front of him, resolving to add it to the one already in his new wallet. He held his hands up in mock-surrender,
“Your security guard is too big, tall and scary for me, Queen Elsa. You’re safe from the sharks! Let’s move on to what other adventures await!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
They’d spent the rest of the time in the centre, laughing and joking, and Lexi was beginning to tire, her energy levels waining.
“How about a nice ice cream and a seat on that bench overlooking the river?” Callum asked her, from where she was currently positioned on his back.
“Yes, please.” She replied, quietly, small smile appearing on her face.
“Then, we best be getting back. Your mum'll be wondering where we’ve got to, and someone needs their bed.” Ben said, taking Lexi into his arms, before sitting her down on the nearest empty bench.
“I’m not tired!” She protested, through a yawn, as she took the ice cream from Callum’s outstretched hand. “Thanks, Uncle Cal.”
Ben moved to stand behind the bench next to Callum,
“Thanks,” He said, softly.
“My pleasure.” He turned, and they were all too close, Ben coughed, pulling out his phone.
“Let’s take a picture? We haven’t got any of the two of us?”
He pulled Callum in, closer than they already were, almost resting his head on his shoulder, chin brushing against his chest. Callum’s grin staring back at him from his phones lens was wide in an unexpected, yet pleased, smile. Ben swallowed, hard, at the avalanche of emotion that was coursing through him at the sight of the two of them, needing to do something to take away from the fact they looked good together. He roared into the camera, mouth open, as he pressed the button, turning the moment into a joke that Ben wasn’t sure either of them were falling for, judging by the look on Callum's face.
Ben turned his attention back to Lexi, needing to put some distance between himself and Callum.
“Right then, Lex, time to go home.”
He picked her up, cradling her in his arms, knowing that the minute they started walking, she’d be asleep.
“Daddy?” She whispered, with effort.
“You alright, Princess?”
“Yeah, thank you for letting me pick your birthday treat. It’s been the best day.”
“It has been the best day, and you know why?”
She shook her head, eyes closing,
“Because you were there. You’re the best birthday treat.”
“Happy Birthday, Daddy.” She murmured, as she finally succumbed to sleep.