Chapter Text
It's been a week since Rick Grimes returned home. He had imagined this moment over and over again since Jadis put him in that helicopter and he got taken away. Rick felt so damn tired. It's been a long ten years with a lot of struggles, adversities and being in constant doubts of himself. He had been forced to do horrible things while he was with the CRM and all that because he wanted to survive. His initial return to Alexandria wasn't what he had imagined though.
Nothing was the same. Alexandrians had been through a lot while he was gone as well. He didn't know details yet but he had heard about the Whisperers and what they did. He felt awful that he wasn't there to help them in these moments of need. Michonne had moved on and he couldn't blame her. She needed someone in her life and that person wasn't he. They may had a chance before all that had happened, but now there wasn't one. Judith had grown up so much and now he had a son as well, RJ. Since he came back nothing had been the same. He didn't seem to be able to feel like he belonged there again.Especially the kids had been ignoring him since he returned and despite his tries they didn't want to talk to him. It's like they didn't even want to be left alone with him. He had tried his hardest to get closer to them and wanted desperately to apologize for not being there for them, but he wasn't even given a chance. Everytime he tried to talk to them,they would find excuses that they had other things to do. It hurt him so bad.
Rick felt a pang of jealously as they ran to Michonne calling her "mom" and they didn't even want to see him. He couldn't blame them, since they practically didn't know him but he deserved a chance ,he would think. Daryl had also been avoiding him. It was very difficult to fall into their friendship again. He was a stranger to him as well. In fact he was spending more time with Negan than with him. That was the biggest shock of all when he returned. Negan instead of being locked up, was now roaming freely around Alexandria and everyone was in friendly terms with him. Especially Daryl seemed to be more at ease to talk to Negan than him nowadays.
That hurt him a lot. He didn't know had happened between them after all these years that had bonded them this much but it still didn't sit well with him. Their enemy was talking, laughing and making jokes with his best friend and kids, while he was left all alone. Rick knew it was unfair towards them and that they needed time, but he felt very lonely. They didn't even want to know details of how his last ten years had been. Maybe he should just leave them? Perhaps they couldn't take the fact that he was still alive after thinking for so long he was dead.
He was in desperate need to talk to someone, to explain why he had to leave them, but everyone had been busy. Noone had time to hear what a pressumed dead man had to say. Rick was barely holding on though and he was on the verge of breaking down emotionally. His dream of finally returning home, had turned into a nightmare.
He saw from a distance Daryl and Negan feeding the animals as Negan told Daryl something that made him laugh. Rick felt bitterness overtaking him as he turned his back at them. Daryl had forgiven Negan for taking him as a prisoner and killing two of their best friends, but the fact that he was forcefully been taken away, he didn't seem that he could forgive. Like Rick had plotted all that and felt joy leaving them alone for such a long time.
If they didn't want him back to their lives, then he shouldn't force his presence on then. His eyes were stinging as he walked away, trying his hardest not to cry, completely unaware that Negan had been staring at him.