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It has been a long time since Wei Wuxian had last seen his husband.
The Jingshi has been living up to its name since his husband's absence, the atmosphere a bit heavy in its silence. It is strange, how it feels quiet without Lan Wangji even though he was never the one who caused the noises. He had never been one for words. Wei Wuxian supposes it is his presence that is loud, loud enough to soothe anything that dared occupy his mind.
The Jingshi feels lonely without company and Wei Wuxian barely has the strength to do anything to pass time. Lan Wangji has been away for an important conference and as Chief Cultivator, he could not neglect his duties albeit he wanted to for the sake of his husband.
Wei Wuxian could've easily come with him, had Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen not been summoned for the conference as well. Lan Xichen had long since come out of his seclusion and the smaller sects, of course, took advantage of it. Wei Wuxian knew not what importance the discussion conference held for it to require three of the most important people in the Lan Clan—and why it has to go on for days.
Lan Qiren had begrudgingly left the Cloud Recesses in his care (against the Lan Elders' wishes) and allowed him to teach the disciples. For the first few days, Wei Wuxian enjoyed. It had been fun to see the little Lans become so fascinated with his teachings and be so eager to learn from him. It was also endearing that Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi accompanied him in the rabbit meadow as they knew he'd appreciate welcomed company.
The longer his husband's absence stretched, however, the more he began to feel the weight of it. At morning, he expects to be waken up by gentle fingers running through his dark brown hair. He expects the feathery kiss upon his slightly parted lips and the soft whisper of his name into his ear. If not that, then he expects to be carried into the tub for a warm bath, being dressed and fed, spoiled with too much love he might as well explode.
But his mornings tend to disappoint him. He goes to bed alone, already missing the warmth of his husband that only he would be able to emit. He misses the hardness of Lan Wangji's chest, the sound of his heartbeat and the slightest movement of his breathing. He misses the feeling of his head against his husband's chest, rising and falling slightly whenever his husband breathes. He misses the feeling of those hands holding him with tenderness and vigour all the same.
He misses his husband to the point all he can think of is his name.
There are no classes for today so Wei Wuxian is spending his time in the Jingshi for a relaxation that he cannot seem to find. His whole body aches but not with love woven into his skin but with the exhaustion infiltrating his very bones. The exhaustion is a reminder of his continuous practices of sword-flying whenever night falls. He knows it's dangerous especially with a golden core that is still not developed properly but it helped ease his mind. It helped comfort him when he feels the traitorous jabs to his heart about how every night he is supposed to be in his husband's arms, where he belongs.
The gush of the cold night breeze of the Cloud Recesses somehow reminded him of his husband's sandalwood scent, it carried the smell of the sandalwood incense Lan Wangji often lit. The way the wind embraced him made him feel free yet still bound to a sense of longing. He'd tried to count the stars he can see through the wisps of faint clouds. Before he knew it, he became fascinated with the night sky, told himself to deliver as much as stories he can to his husband when he returns.
It is morning today, unfortunately. If he so much as try to gaze up at the sky, he'd feel the glare of the sunlight and would never be able to count the stars. The sun tends to hide them. Although the morning sky can look just as beautiful as it is at night, his mood had already dulled enough since he woke up to the absence of his husband yet again. So without much to do, he simply remains lying inside the place that is supposed to be his and his husband's home. He feels terribly uneasy. Even if this place is the Jingshi, it doesn't feel like home at all.
Wei Wuxian misses Lan Wangji so much that he tears up just at the thought of him. They have never been separated for too long after they married. They had a silent vow to remain by each other's side and it was a vow they never broke. He had experienced missing his husband a lot whenever the man got too busy with duties but it had never felt like this.
This feels gut-wrenching, feels so deep as if a knife has been driven into the space between his ribs right to his lungs. A twist of yearning and worry, fear and hope, he yearns and yearns and he knows it is the first time he ever became like this. He had spent years managing alone but he had gotten so used to being with his husband, had gotten so used to the safety that is his husband's whole body warming him from the cold. He had gotten so used to his presence that he forgot what it felt like to be on his own again.
He curls up in the sheets, making his body feel smaller than it already seems to be. The bed doesn't feel right. It feels too soft. It's supposed to be his husband's body. The pillow is supposed to feel like his husband's chest. He's supposed to hear the song of his husband's heartbeat—the lullaby that is Lan Wangji's breathing.
Wei Wuxian doesn't feel so safe. Everything feels wrong and it frustrates him to no end. He grasps the blanket, grips it tightly. It's crumpled and feels heavy and rough, not like the smoothness and softness of his husband's sleeping robe whenever he sleeps on top of him. It does not feel like his husband's pristine white robes either. Nothing feels like his husband. Not the pillow, not the blanket, not the bed, not even the Jingshi itself.
Before he knows it, he's already scrambling out of the bed like a wounded animal. His mind is in a daze, despair an unwanted visitor. He rummages through his husband's belonging just to get a feeling, just to feel anything close enough to Lan Wangji. He's breathing heavily as if he's gone mad with sorrow and fear, afraid as though if he wastes a single second, he'd forget how his husband would feel like.
It takes him more moments to desperately rummage, making a mess out of the floor he tried so hard to keep clean for his husband's sake. Each passing day, he expected his husband's return so he cleaned the floor just so Lan Wangji can rest after the tiring conference.
He begins to lose his patience when it seems like he wouldn't be getting the nameless thing he's repining for—until he holds onto something that has a soft warmth. He looks at it carefully and he immediately hugs it close.
His husband's robes.
He buries himself into the feeling of it. It's bigger than his whole body, whiter than any robes he ever wore, but it's soft and strangely feels so close to home.
Wei Wuxian cleans the floor as fast as he can before he sheds his own robes, placing them somewhere else after folding them into a poor attempt at being neat. He proceeds to wear his own husband's robes, lying on the bed completely covered by the layers of clothing.
He curls his body, knees kissing his chest with lips pursed. His breathing that he hadn't noticed was struggling is now calming down, although an ache remains for his longing.
He inhales and exhales with a shaking breath, his hair making a sea of waves that is a stark contrast to all the white. He lets the fabric of his husband's robes soothe his skin—sentiment. He wonders why he hadn't done this earlier.
He closes his eyes, silver orbs still moving in spite the darkness that they meet underneath their lids. He lets himself drown into the feeling that these robes have to offer, serenity that is enough to tame the yearning soul inside of him. It comforts him all the while it makes him long for Lan Wangji even more. He barely feels the tears that are beginning to fall.
He wonders how Lan Wangji felt like throughout the years he'd been gone. Lan Wangji had no certain hope that Wei Wuxian would ever come back, and if mere days that Wei Wuxian could barely count felt painful enough, how much more did his husband endure for years of waiting?
Wei Wuxian doesn't hear his own whimpers as sleep steals his pain, letting the desire to go home vanish for a while.
Lan Wangji steps foot into the Cloud Recesses. It has been a long time since he's been here and immediately his heart lurches at the absence of his husband at the gate. He misses him dearly, so much that he could barely focus on the discussion masked as an important conference. As soon as they were allowed to leave, Lan Wangji wasted no time, too eager to see his husband after a long time.
Lan Xichen notices the worry in his eyes. A glint in those molten gold is too bright especially at a time when the sun is setting. Lan Qiren merely coughs, strokes his beard to appear indifferent albeit he too wonders why Wei Wuxian isn't at the gate, running to them (particularly Lan Wangji) with a bright shameless yell. The three of them expected the promiscuity to follow after a reunion of husbands, so the lack of Wei Wuxian is rather concerning.
"Master Lan, Zewu-jun, Hanguang-jun!" The Lan Disciples guarding the gate greet them along Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi. Lan Xichen smiles at them while Lan Qiren nods. Lan Wangji eyes his son, he too missed the boy he took as his own but as soon as their gazes met, Lan Sizhui knows what both of them need to prioritize. Both of them love Wei Wuxian in their own ways, putting their emotions for him before anything else.
"Hanguang-jun, Senior Wei is in the Jingshi. We tried to wake him but he remains asleep." His son gives a small smile and Lan Wangji softens his face enough to reassure the bit of worry underlying in his son's orbs. He hums.
Lan Qiren scoffs. "As expected of that Wei Wuxian. Sleeping for the entire day!" He grunts. Lan Jingyi takes it as means to deliver his own thoughts as politely as he can, "Master Lan, he's bedridden." Lan Sizhui almost sighs at his partner for blurting out what should be told only to Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji's face stills completely, body going rigid. Lan Xichen knows his brother is fearing for the worst.
Worried for both his brother and brother-in-law, he shares a look with his uncle who nods at him. He tries to smile. "Wangji, you can attend to Master Wei now. Me and Uncle will take care of things. Master Wei needs you more." He gently says. He swears he hears his brother thank him before he leaves, running hastily.
Lan Qiren does not even have the heart to scold his nephew and tell him to brisk-walk instead.
They walk away with Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi behind them, ready to discuss their plans to the rest of the disciples.
Lan Wangji tries to calm his heart as he runs to the path leading to the Jingshi. He wants to see his husband, embrace him, spoil him as much as he can as his apology. He tries to think as rationally as he can, that if his husband is gravely ill, he would be in the infirmary and not in the Jingshi. He longs to see his husband and finally feel him, he longs so much that as soon as the Jingshi comes to his sight, he goes straight to the door.
He does not hear anything inside. The sun is already falling to give way for the night and it only takes a second for Lan Wangji to open the door.
The moment he sees his husband, his heart swells with overwhelming emotions. Wei Wuxian is on the bed, curled up in Lan Wangji's robes. Lan Wangji notes how vulnerable and small his husband looks like. It pains him as much as it endears him to see his husband in such a state. He shuts the door, locks it before he walks quietly to the bedside. He kneels to meet the bed's level and mostly to stare longingly at his husband's sleeping face.
His heart breaks. Wei Wuxian's brows are furrowed the slightest. His lashes are wet against his skin and there are trails of dried tears. He studies his husband's face, drinks in the sight of him. Beautiful, but not at peace.
He wants to let his husband sleep, he can see how exhausted he is but at the same time, he wants to wake him and tell him he's here.
He does the latter.
When Wei Wuxian's eyes flutter awake, it is to the feeling of gentle fingers brushing his hair. He feels a soft peck against his lips, a humming of a familiar tune that goes to a stop before the sound goes to his ear. He hears the deep voice he could drown into no matter how many times he hears it. It feels warm, he feels hands on his cheek, and then—"Wei Ying."
His eyes burst wide open, his blurred sight beginning to clear, piecing a masterpiece before him that he recognizes as his husband's face. Lips folded into a barely seen smile, warm golden eyes that are more golden than wealth, fair white skin and ebony hair, the familiar forehead ribbon.
Wei Wuxian cries softly.
"Lan Zhan.."
Immediately, those orbs softened more as those large hands begin to engulf his own smaller ones. Lan Wangji brings Wei Wuxian's hands to his lips, giving a feathery kiss as if to reassure any doubt that he is truly here. Wei Wuxian breathes in relief before he pulls at his husband's body. Lan Wangji follows the force of his pull, lands on top of Wei Wuxian's body. Wei Wuxian is crying out of relief and Lan Wangji cannot help but smile a little bit sweetly.
Wei Wuxian couldn't care less about his husband's weight potentially crushing him on full force. All he cares about is feeling him. He wraps his arms around Lan Wangji's neck, legs parting to wrap around the taller man's waist, hugging him as tightly as he can in fear that he'd vanish if he let go.
"Lan Zhan.. You're here..." He whispers and he is rewarded with his husband's humming. "Mn. Am here for Wei Ying." He says, arms slithering beneath the smaller frame to return the tight embrace. "I miss you." Wei Wuxian wastes no time—too many words he wants to say yet too little of them coming out. "I miss you so much, Lan Zhan. I missed you. I missed you." He is reduced to a blabbering mess, a mantra of his longing overlapping the sound of his cries.
Lan Wangji showers him with kisses. "Missed Wei Ying too.. Missed Wei Ying very much." He tells him, nuzzling their faces close before he lands a kiss on Wei Wuxian's lips. Wei Wuxian returns it, his fingers finding themselves tangling around ebony strands. The kiss is tender but the despair is strong. Lan Wangji uses his thumb to wipe Wei Wuxian's tears away.
When they pull to breathe, Wei Wuxian's silver eyes hold a question that Lan Wangji knows how to answer. He tells the man right away the very reason for the conference, "We met with Sect Leader Jiang to discuss a wedding."
Wei Wuxian looks at his husband's face, at the gentle apologetic expression. "A-A wedding?" Lan Wangji nods. "That's why.. that's why it took so long.." Wei Wuxian murmurs, gulping. "But whose..? Jiang Cheng.. he never said he'd be getting married.." He weakly says, and when he finds Lan Wangji's familiar eyes full of love, his heart beats faster.
"Wei Ying talked about a proper wedding before. Wanted to surprise him. Sect Leader Jiang wanted to help, as well as Xiongzhang and Uncle. We planned." Lan Wangji tells him, his lips fully showing a smile that is bright enough to light up Wei Wuxian's heart.
"Lan Zhan, you- the wedding.. it's.. it's for us..?" He asks carefully, his eyes already stinging with a brand new set of tears. "En. A proper wedding." Lan Wangji whispers to him. Wei Wuxian loses his mind for a bit as he sobs yet again, clinging tightly onto Lan Wangji.
"I love you so much, Lan Zhan!" He all but yells in the midst of his tears and Lan Wangji, who is filled with too much love for his husband, parts his lips—"Love Wei Ying too."
And the night is spent with making love. Lan Wangji weaves the strength of his affection into Wei Wuxian's smooth skin, making an embroidery out of his body. Lan Wangji gives and gives and Wei Wuxian tries to send as much back as he takes and takes. He is drowning at the feeling of being engulfed by his husband, he could barely breathe yet at the same time he feels so alive. Lan Wangji kisses the pain out of him, kisses the tears away.
All Wei Wuxian can smell is Lan Wangji's sweat mixing with his, all he can feel is Lan Wangji's warm bare skin caressing his own. He can feel his husband claiming him all over and over again, delivering him to an ecstacy they've both been deprived of for a while. Words of love are exchanged, Lan Wangji has turned into a wordless poet crafting an art to be remembered by his husband and his own heart.
When the time comes for rest, Wei Wuxian is smiling softly as he breathes in relief. His head is moving to accommodate the rising and falling of his husband's chest. He can hear the song of his husband's heartbeat, the lullaby that is his breathing. A part of Lan Wangji's sleeping robe that is gripped by Wei Wuxian's hand feels smooth, the hands around Wei Wuxian's body pull him closer to the warmth and safety only Lan Wangji can emit.
Lan Wangji kisses the top of his head, and just like that, Wei Wuxian feels at home again.