Chapter Text
What’s next?
Buck had been asking himself that since the train derailment, since his surprise encounter with Abby, when it felt like the world had turned upside down.
Sometimes, even though it had been weeks since it happened, Buck found himself reflecting back on the shock of seeing Abby. He had been so in shock seeing her at first after almost two years. He remembered a sinking feeling of loneliness watching Abby get into the ambulance with her fiancee, knowing he had never been what she needed. He remembered wondering if he was ever what she needed, if they would’ve lasted even if she had stayed.
He remembered wondering if she had ever felt the way he had, or if he had built the relationship up in his head, putting her on a pedestal. He remembered Eddie asking him if he was okay, a question he wasn’t ready to answer at the time.
And he remembered the words he uttered as he trudged back to work, trying to push away that feeling of how he always ended up alone.
What’s next?
“Hey.” Buck had been sitting on the couch, mindlessly staring at his phone. They were nearing the end of a twenty-four hour shift and he wondered if it was the exhaustion dragging him back to the night of the train derailment. Eddie had appeared next to him on the couch, a look of concern on his face.
“Hey,” Buck said, pocketing his phone. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering the same thing,” Eddie said. “You’ve got that pensive look on your face.”
“Just thinking.” When he thought about the train derailment and seeing Abby again, a part of him knew he was long since over her. It wasn’t like he was still in love with her. But seeing her, seeing how she had moved on and was happy, knowing that she had left with no intention of coming back, it had brought up feelings Buck had been fighting down for awhile.
He was lonely. He knew that, he had expressed so to Maddie. Everybody had someone to come home to at the end of the day. He had an empty apartment. He had been alone since Ali dumped him almost a year ago. He still didn’t fully know why. They had had one fight about his recovery and him working to get back to being a firefighter and then she was gone. Gone like Abby. Gone like everyone else in his life.
“Hey.” Eddie knocked his shoulder into Buck’s. “You’re doing it again.”
“Sorry,” Buck said, a sheepish smile on his face. “Guess this shift is just getting to me.”
“I feel that,” Eddie said with a chuckle. “Hey, maybe after we’ve washed the grime of this shift away and caught up on some sleep, you can come by? Christopher has been talking about going to the skate park and we need four hands to operate that thing.”
Buck attempted a smile. It seemed Eddie always was there, trying to lift him up when he hit his lowest points. But the smile also felt forced. Because as much as he loved spending time with them, it felt fleeting. It wasn’t forever, this little trio of him, Eddie, and Christopher. He knew Eddie would find someone, someone that Christopher would obviously adore, and their days of movie nights and skate park trips would be all but gone. It broke his heart a little and it hadn’t even happened yet.
They were always dancing around something, the two of them. They were attached at the hip at work, doing chores together or spotting the other in the gym. Buck spent more of his free time at the Diaz house then he cared to admit. And he didn’t know when that platonic love had turned into something more for Eddie, but it had. But Eddie didn’t feel the same. So Buck had just settled on savoring their time before it was gone, before Eddie fell in love and left Buck the way everyone else did.
“Yeah sure,” Buck said, because that was the easiest thing to do. Maybe it was selfish and it would hurt when it was all gone, but he could hold on tightly for now. He could enjoy those moments while they lasted.
Eddie must’ve noticed something because he had been about to speak up when the alarm went off. Buck said something about racing him to get in their gear before heading down the stairs. Bobby was already calling orders as he reached his stuff. This wasn’t a medical call, so Buck needed to get on his turnout gear. He was the fastest person to do so, Eddie only a second later, commenting that Buck had had a head start.
And then, they were in the truck heading to the scene.
Buck vaguely remembered listening to Bobby as he passed information from dispatch. It was a car accident on the freeway involving multiple cars. But he felt distracted. He felt like he had a million things going on in his head. Eddie must’ve noticed because the brunette knocked knees with him, sending him a questioning look. Buck just shot him a nod as they arrived on the scene. He had to get out of his funk of loneliness. They had a job to do.
“Buck, Eddie, check on the first car,” Bobby said. “Hen and Chimney will check the second one.” Buck nodded and then he was heading towards the first car. He tilted his head as he approached, feeling like it looked familiar.
His heart sunk when he realized why.
“Ali?” His eyes nearly bugged out of his skull, seeing his ex-girlfriend in the driver’s seat. There was blood dripping down one side of her head and she looked confused. But when she saw Buck, an almost terrified look crossed her face.
“Oh god,” She mumbled. Eddie passed Buck, noticing how the blonde was now frozen staring at Ali. The window had shattered allowing Eddie to reach for her to check the wound on her head. “Oh god, I’m sorry Buck.” Eddie glanced at Buck, wondering why she kept repeating that. But Buck was clueless.
It had been almost a year since he had seen Ali, since she had broken up with him after their first and only fight. He still remembered the tears streaming down her face as she screamed at him to stop pushing, to stop trying so hard, to just rest. He remembered the hurt on her face when he said that getting back to work was important. And he remembered her screaming it was over and storming out.
Her number was changed a day later and that had been the end of it. Or so he thought.
“Ali, we’re going to get you out of here, okay?” Eddie was taking control, seeing how out of it Buck was. She shook her head as tears streamed down her face.
“Buck, I’m so sorry.” Buck was about to ask why when he heard a noise.
It was a baby crying.
Buck looked at Ali, who was now sobbing. He felt his chest tighten as he moved towards the back window. He couldn’t hear anything else, not the sirens, not Ali’s cries, nothing but the sound of a baby crying. And then he saw her, a small baby, with curly tufts of blonde hair, screaming.
“Help her please!” Ali’s voice brought him back and he was moving, getting the car down open. He removed the baby, who didn’t look more than six months old from the car seat. The knot that had been growing in his stomach seemed to intensify when the baby stopped screaming, staring at Buck. He looked over helplessly at Eddie, who was still checking on Ali.
“I’m sorry.” Ali was still repeating her apology over and over again, adding to the terrified feeling mounting in his stomach. He stared at the baby, petrified. She couldn’t be...could she? Ali wouldn’t do that to him, right? But she had broken up with him. She had changed her number. Could she have hidden something like this?
“Buck.” He looked up, seeing Bobby. Hen and Chimney were now helping Eddie, both of them glancing over at Buck.
“I…” Buck didn’t know what to say. His brain was running with too many thoughts. He glanced at the baby and then at Bobby.
“Let’s get the baby checked out, okay?”
“Bobby.” There was a terrified sound to his own voice that Buck didn’t recognize. But Bobby just placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Buck, one step at a time, okay?” Buck just nodded and followed Bobby, the whole time feeling like the knot in his stomach was only growing tighter and tighter.
Eddie knew it was best to go into their calls with no expectations. After two years at the 118, he had learned that anything can and will happen.
That didn’t mean he expected this.
Having to rescue Ali was one thing (that was how they had met her the first time). But she had been mildly less panicked last time and that had been during a 7.1 earthquake (which if Ali hadn’t dumped Buck so abruptly while he was recovering, Eddie would’ve said he admired how calm and collected she had been during that emergency). So seeing her sobbing and saying the same thing over and over again was both shocking and concerning. Eddie was already worried about head trauma when he heard the cry from the backseat.
Nothing had been more shocking than Buck going into the backseat and coming out with a baby, a baby with blonde curls that he would know anywhere.
He could see the overwhelming panic on Buck’s face as he stared at the child. Eddie had so many questions and even more so just wanted to be there for his friend. But they had a job to do. So he had called for the others, since he was going to need help getting Ali out of the car and Buck was in no state to do so.
“We’ve got mild trauma to the temporal ridge on the left side,” Hen said. “We need to get her out of here.” Eddie just nodded, working with Chimney to get her out of the car. If Ali was in any other pain, she wasn’t showing it. She was still sobbing and repeating how sorry she was.
“I think we might be looking at a concussion too,” Chimney said as they got her on a backboard. “How long has she been repeating herself?”
“Since she saw Buck.” At the mention of his name, Ali let out another pained sob.
“We need to transport her,” Hen said. She and Chimney took over, moving the stretcher that Ali was on to the ambulance. Eddie looked around trying to spot Buck. He found him sitting in a nearby ambulance as another paramedic checked on the baby in his arms.
Seeing the petrified look on Buck’s face made Eddie want to run to help him. But Bobby was still directing crew members towards dealing with the emergency before them. As much as he wanted to rush over to Buck and help him, he knew now wasn’t the time. So, he walked over to Bobby instead, forcing himself to focus on the job, even though he wanted to make sure Buck was okay.
Buck sat in the ambulance holding the baby. She had stopped screaming the minute Buck had picked her up. Now, she was just staring at him. And if he wasn’t so terrified and messed up with questions, he would’ve acknowledged then how cute she was.
“We’re good to go Chim!” Hen had gotten into the ambulance with Ali on the stretcher. She glanced at Buck and simply nodded to him while she kept checking on Ali. Buck just held tightly to the baby as the ambulance began to move.
“I’m sorry.” Buck tore his eyes away from the baby to Ali. Her eyes were red and tears were running down her face, mixing with blood on her cheek. “I should’ve...I’m sorry.” Buck knew Hen was watching and that Chimney could hear them, but he didn’t care. While he had so many questions, only one was important.
“What’s her name?”
“H-Holly.” Buck nodded glancing down at the baby, who was still watching him. “I’m sorry Buck. I’m so sorry.”
The rest of the ride was silent, Hen making sure Ali was stable and Buck staring at Holly. Buck couldn’t believe how quickly the day had turned. When he had been thinking about what came next, this hadn’t been what he expected.
When they reached the hospital, Buck followed the stretcher inside as Hen filled the doctors in. He could see Ali watching him as he walked through the sliding doors.
“Sir.” A nurse stopped him. “I can take the baby to look her over, but unless you’re family, you can’t come any further.” Buck blew out a breath, glancing back at Holly.
“I am her family. I’m her father.”