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Luke Castellan wasn't an enemy, nor was he a stranger to me. He was my mentor, my comrade, and most of all, he was my bestfriend. He was my sense of refuge, my sense of comfort and my tranquility. He was not an enemy, that was why he betrayed me.
I didn't know what prompted him to do this, and never did I find out his reasons. All I know is that he left, and never came back. The saddest part wasn't the betrayal, neither to me nor to the camp, not even to the gods... No. It was the chances I've missed, and chances I didn't take. And those chances I will never have back. I lost them, and never will I have the chance to tell him of my feelings. Those feelings of admiration, adoration, and affection, I'll never be able to convey them, never.
And the worst part is knowing that by the end of this month one of us will die in the hands of the other. And I think I already know who will win... For though he betrayed me, I was never void of my feelings for him, and maybe, but not certainly, I might let him win this battle. I can't, after all, use my hands to end him. But somewhere deep in me knows the truth, the hard truth that a great part of him has already gone missing and is now occupied by a beast - the Titan Lord, Kronos. If only I know a way to slay the beast without hurting a single inch of him. But that is deemed impossible...
- Percy Jackson
My deepest and greatest regret is leaving him behind for some stupid, stupid revenge and hatred in store for the gods and Hermes. And now all I can do is think of a thousand 'what ifs' and 'maybes'.
What if I forgave Hermes and kept my anger at bay? Maybe I can tell him my feelings of attraction towards him. What if I denied Kronos of access to my body? Maybe I won't be a captive of my own body by now... And I can be with him.
He who I've loved and cared for the most, but was the one who was mostly hurt by my arrogance and wrong decisions. But most of all I've voided him off an explanation on as to why I've done all the things I did, but I guess an explanation wouldn't be much appreciated now. If only I could escape the Fates, oh what I will not give. If only I could find a way for Kronos to leave my body, I would've done anything. And if only I've known I'd hurt him this much, I shouldn't have left. I should've forgiven and by his side I could've found my future. But the Fates wouldn't be easy to escape, and here I am now, drowning myself into the depths of my regrets only to wonder on who will win this battle, and I think I know who. For I would do my best, though captive, to protect him.
Before Kronos takes over my body once more, and when I finally would lose control over it, and the time I've begged for in order to write this runs out, let me ask this one question that has bothered me before I even left the camp...
After all these, will I still be forgiven?
I could only hope, Percy Jackson...
- Luke Castellan