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Looking back, John is astounded at how easily he fell for Roger. It came creeping up so naturally he didn’t even notice and yet it was all he could think about, all the time. Never in a million years would he have seen himself gazing at someone like a lovesick fool or not being able to fight the smile hearing their voice over the phone. Roger flipped some switch inside him he didn’t even know existed, made John feel so utterly nervous yet completely at peace all at once. Because the truth is, he’d never craved love because he’d never experienced it, until now. Now he could barely get enough.
He thought about how Roger was nothing like the protagonist in the romance novels and nothing like the the descriptions from worn-out adults and angsty teenage friends who’d explained to John that love wasn’t really all that. He was just Roger. Roger who’d flirted with him so carefully, John barely caught on. Roger who called him everyday just because he wanted to hear John’s voice. Roger who had been the first person John trusted enough to let him take him apart and then put him back together again.
Staring down at how their fingers were interlaced between them, at the ring on his own finger, it felt surreal. How Roger had came in and swept him off his feet, turned John into a more spontaneous person and lit up his days with his eccentric personality. How Roger was too much and just enough at the same time.
Watching Roger sleeping peacefully beside him, head bopping gently with the bumps in the road, John doesn’t regret saying yes for even a second. He figured he’d say yes to Roger everyday for the rest of his life.
He found himself wishing he was a little more like Roger sometimes. Bold enough to tell him he loved him without prompting, without hiding his adoration behind jokes. Confident enough to stride home with a bouquet of flowers on a Thursday afternoon just because.
He raised their hands to place a tender kiss upon Roger’s hand, and one against the delicate skin over the pulse-point at his wrist because he was feeling awfully sentimental. The middle seat between them seemed to stretch on for miles when all John wanted to do was to cradle Roger’s head against his chest and massage his aching muscles.
“How long, Brian?” John spoke just loudly enough to be heard up front, wary of startling either Freddie or Roger.
“We just passed Northampton.” Brian yawned, tired eyes locked on the road. “Shouldn’t be more than two hours.”
John frowned, nestled his and Roger’s joined hands in the crook of his neck. “Sure you don’t want me to drive?” He said because as much as he didn’t want to leave Roger’s side, not being in a car crash because Brian couldn’t seem to keep his eyes open seemed like a more pressing matter.
Brian took a deep breath which quickly morphed into a yawn and despite part of him was hoping with all his being Brian would say no it’s alright, he could see it coming before the answer was uttered. “Would you, John?”
“Of course.” John answered, despite himself.
“Let me just-“ Brian turned the turn signals on. “Pull over here, if that’s alright.”
John waved him off unnecessarily and out of habit, since Brian couldn’t see him. “Sure thing.”
They drove around for a couple more minutes until they found a petrol station they could park at, with John staring out the window the whole time lest he couldn’t find the way back to the highway.
As they rolled to a stop John kissed the back of Roger’s hand one last time, ran his fingers through his hair and poked his nose affectionately before climbing out of the van. Receiving a firm squeeze to his shoulder from Brian as they switched sides along with a melodramatic yet completely genuine “You’re a lifesaver mate.” Which John had naturally waved off with a quick “Don’t worry about it.” Before clambering into the drivers seat.
Brian had fallen asleep shortly after assisting John back onto the main road, leaving John the only one awake. He turned the radio up just loud enough for him to hear as he drove the remaining bit home, humming quietly under his breath and drumming on the steering wheel.
The greenery of the countryside turned into scarce buildings of the suburbs before a crowded and, blessedly, relatively quiet London at this time of night. He dropped Freddie off first, then pulled up outside of Brian’s flat. John had prepared for a quick goodbye and a swift drive home where he’d have to coax Roger out of sleep until a loud bang was heard from the back of the van, seeming to have done the job for him.
“Sorry!” Brian screamed after a second bang was heard, followed by what John could only assume was a cymbal hitting the floor. He winced as Roger startled awake.
“It’s okay!” John shouted back, not bothering to keep the noise down seeing as Roger was awake anyways.
Brian came up to his side of the car, John rolled the window down. “Thanks for the ride.” He said, guitar slung over his shoulder and an almost apologetic smile on his lips.
“Ditto.” John chuckled.
Brian laughed in response and put his hand up in a wave as he took a step back. “Goodnight!”
John just waved back as he rolled the window back up and turned around in his seat to find Roger staring at the back of his head with bleary eyes. He looked way too exhausted for the smirk he was sporting.
“Look who’s my chauffeur now.” Roger slurred, an almost dreamy look in his eyes.
John snorted, thinking of all the times Roger’s driven him around. Back when they weren’t yet together, when they’d flirted with each other in seemingly different languages until one day it had just clicked.
“Shut up and come up front.” John rolled his eyes, secretly pleased when Roger did as he was told.
John had gotten the car onto the road and rolling before either of them spoke again. “That’s very sexy you know.” Roger said as John switched gears.
John could feel his cock filling up against his will because Roger was fucking ridiculous. “What?” He asked despite himself, Roger could make anything dirty talk for all John knew.
Roger sighed and brushed some of John’s hair behind his ear. “You, driving.”
John tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “You’re unbelievable.” John muttered, persistent to keep the act up even as his drowsiness mixed with newfound arousal was getting to his head a bit.
“Says the one with the fucking fabric fetish.” Roger retorted, stroking the skin behind John’s ear.
And alright, fair point, but it was hardly his fault that Roger looked so unbelievably good in that all-leather outfit. Or that the silk sheets Roger had gotten him for his 20th birthday felt so good against his bare skin. Or even that Roger’s velvet trousers were heavenly to run his hands over.
“Your mind in the gutter again?” Roger said, interrupting his thought process. John was honestly a little grateful for that.
“Yeah,” John wasn’t proud of how strained his voice came out sounding. “Think we should bring the silk sheets back, actually.” He continued as he pulled up outside their building, wondering when he got this comfortable around Roger.
He remembers a time where he’d never call first, was too nervous to make any advancements to their relationship and was shy about voicing his opinions. That seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Saturday?” Roger said as John put the car in park.
John hummed and stretched his limbs out, moving over to give Roger a quick peck. “Saturday sounds good.” John confirmed. Roger smiled at him like he was hiding something. “What?”
Roger shook his head quickly, still smiling fondly. “Do you even know what happens on Saturday?” He asked cheekily.
John tried to wrack his brain for anything remotely important he could’ve possibly forgotten happening two days from now, and came up completely empty. He knew he must’ve looked like the human embodiment of a question mark if the way Roger was smirking at him with a tilt in his head was any indication. “Enlighten me.”
Roger giggled quietly before grabbing John’s hand and placing a kiss against his palm. “It’s our anniversary, silly.”
—
That had left John panicking. Pacing their apartment back and forth as he massaged his temples with his fingertips, as if the stimulation would help his brain cells gather enough momentum to give him the perfect gift idea. He’d never had a one year anniversary with someone before, and he wanted to do something special.
For the first time in almost their whole dating history, he was up and out of bed before Roger had blinked an eye open. Unclasping his hands that were interlaced over John’s middle and crawling out of his warmth had been a taxing experience he didn’t much want to repeat. He intended to be productive to make up for it.
He scribbled a quick note for Roger and placed it right next to his head, kissing his cheek gently before hurriedly pulling some clothes on and walking out the door. He pondered taking the van for a second before deciding he couldn’t be bothered finding a parking spot in town, it was always so crowded. He opted for the tube instead, that way he could grab a bite to eat as well as get some fresh air with the added walking.
As he was inhaling the bagel he’d gotten from a corner shop and sat down on the underground train he exhaled long and hard. Watching the trees outside as they drove by at lightning speed. Thinking about how he’d much rather be hogging the blanket from Roger right now.
Instead he was munching down a bagel and was en route to town with no idea what he was there to get. His body buzzed at the idea of doing something romantic for Roger, no matter how much the urge was there, how much he really wanted to. Something always stopped him.
He’d accepted Roger’s flowers and declarations of love, revelled in how he’d always find a way to touch John as well as give him space when he could sense that it was needed. Roger was so attentive and bold and John had no idea what to do.
He picked at the seat as the stations went by, passengers coming on and hopping off and John’s mind going nowhere.
John figured he could always get him some flowers, that was thoughtful. But somehow it didn’t feel like enough. Cook him a nice dinner? God knows Roger would appreciate that, but it felt too simple. Everything he could come up with seemed too bland, too boring or just completely underwhelming.
Nothing seemed enough to embody the feeling in his chest waking up next to Roger.
He was absentmindedly fiddling with the ring on his finger when it dawned on him. He suddenly knew exactly what he ought to do.
—
So he’d found himself searching for a ring that was aesthetically pleasing enough while simultaneously not burning a hole in his wallet. The symbolism of what he was planning to do was more than enough to justify the cheap jewellery, at least that’s how John reasoned.
Looking over the different styled textures and colours he couldn’t help but to be brought back to their proposal, a little over 6 months ago. It brought back a giddy feeling to the pit of his stomach, it was utterly disgusting how enamoured he’d been with Roger then. His heart would leap every time they locked eyes or god-behold held hands.
In the end he’d picked up a simple golden band, twirled it over in his hand and thought it looked just right. For how Roger still possessed the ability to make John feel like the most loved person in the world, he was spared from the constant heart palpitations nowadays. He felt secure in how the obsessive stages of crushing on someone had slowly melded into that comforting feeling of knowing someone’s always there and they love you. Unconditionally.
John brought the ring up to the till and before he knew it it’d been stuffed neatly into his shoulder bag.
He wondered if Roger had felt this nervous when he’d gotten the ring for John. Probably even more so, John found that he admired him more than ever.
Wandering back into their flat slightly past 2pm with takeout in his hands, he couldn’t help but think about how this is the life he’d want in the long run. To come back home to a smiling, shirtless Roger and place a box of pub-food into his lap, watching fondly as Roger got as excited as a puppy at the prospect of having food brought home to him.
John plonked himself down next to Roger on the sofa and ate while watching the afternoon news together, which was awfully boring until Roger had lifted John’s arm around his own shoulders and burrowed himself into John’s side. Looking up at him with doe-eyes.
“What were you up to today?” Roger asked, pushing at John to lie down against the armrest so they could cuddle properly.
John took a deep breath and started rubbing patterns into Roger’s back. “Went into town.” He replied casually, hoping it didn’t warrant a follow-up question.
Roger just hummed and rested his chin on John’s chest, it dug in and was mildly uncomfortable but he’d put up with it if it meant staring into Roger’s eyes and stroking the hair out of his face. “Bed was cold without you.” Roger murmured.
John chuckled and poked Roger’s squishy nose. “You’re lying.”
Roger pouted and made to tickle John’s throat, nearly earning him a kick in the crotch. “Am not!” Roger shrieked while John tickled him instead.
He dug his fingers even deeper into Roger’s sides, “Are too!”
John didn’t stop the tickling until he took genuine pity on Roger, when he had turned an impressive shade of red in the face and was panting heavily, clawing at John’s biceps in an attempt to make him stop. John relented, flinching as Roger dropped his face right into his neck and heaved for breath against his skin.
Neither of theme spoke again until Roger had regained his breath with a final warm sigh against John’s throat.
“Fair play.” Roger said, sounding oddly proud. Tracing patterns over John’s chest.
John stuck his tongue out to which Roger giggled before laying back, wrapping his left arm around Roger’s middle and his right cradling his head against John’s sternum.
John found himself relaxing as the tension of the day seeped away from his bones. All that thinking and walking around seemed to have taken its toll as he found his eyelids growing heavy, as he buried his fingers in Roger’s hair. He felt positively blissful as relaxation took over, Roger’s weight against his body grounding him, the soft motions he was rubbing into John’s ribs were so soothing he felt he could doze off right there.
On the sofa, slightly past 3pm on a Friday. Roger had that remedying effect on him that he wouldn’t exchange for the world, not even for a higher pay-check and lord knows they need it. Lying here was perfect and is only further cementing the idea that tomorrow is going to be wonderful. If a little frightening.
Roger shifted a little. “Are you okay?” He spoke into the cotton of John’s shirt.
“Yes.” John frowned but continued stroking Roger’s hair. “Why?” He added as an afterthought.
“I could hear your heart rate going up.” Roger stated, John froze.
John closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to think of anything but what he was planning to do for their anniversary. Apparently the side effects of thinking weren’t good for his health.
“I’m okay.” He said, finally. Resuming his methodic detangling of Roger’s hair.
“Just that excited to see me, eh?” Roger chuckled, and hell if John didn’t want to kiss that smugness out of his voice.
He just hugged Roger a little tighter, because he really was exhausted. “Whatever makes you sleep at night.” He teased, eyes drooping shut yet again.
Roger’s “shut up” was unheard as John promptly fell asleep.
—
Their anniversary had started off just like any other day, to John’s relief. He’d built it up in his head to the point of being genuinely nervous, until Roger had rolled them over in his usual manner and promptly gotten them off in what had more or less become their morning ritual.
Left panting softly in the aftermath with Roger snuggled safely into his side, he felt content as ever.
“Three hundred and sixty five days.” Roger said, placing a kiss against John’s bare shoulder.
John turned himself so they were laying face to face. “Unbelievable.” He smirked.
Roger shone up like the sun and hell if John’s heart didn’t flutter a little. “Is it?” Roger murmured, reaching to entangle their fingers and resting them on the bed between them.
John squeezed Roger’s hand. “No.”
Roger’s smile seemed to widen even more, John felt as though in that moment he was his personal ray of sunshine. It was their anniversary, he was allowed to feel particularly sappy.
“Should’ve thought so.” Roger said, which made John snort.
“You’re so humble.” John teased, pretending to be completely done with the conversation.
Roger grabbed John’s shoulder hastily as he turned around, feigning shock as John caved in to look at Roger. “I managed to bag you, how am I supposed to stay humble?” Roger exclaimed, rather convincingly, John wasn’t sure he kept the impressed look off his own face.
John swatted him on the shoulder, to distract from how his cheeks were heating up embarrassingly quickly. “I hate you.” He said, swatting Roger’s bum on his way to the kitchen, giggling when Roger screamed after him. “It’s our anniversary! Be nice to me!”
John giggled quietly to himself, shaking his head as he got the butter out of the fridge. “Always, love.” He yelled back.
Roger had eventually dragged himself into the kitchen, probably after sensing the smell of coffee, and they’d eaten their toasts and talked as per usual. Still nothing felt out of the ordinary, except from the ring that he’d hidden away in their room. And the spectacular blowjob Roger had given him against the kitchen counter. He wondered briefly if that was the anniversary gift Roger had for him. He wouldn’t complain, he’d been on a high ever since.
Because nothing was out of the ordinary, time was still ticking and Roger still didn’t clean up his own dishes. John was still dressed properly while Roger lounged about the flat in an oversized t-shirt. John still tinkered about with the television when Roger went outside for his one daily outdoors cigarette.
Only this time when Roger came back upstairs he’d brought flowers, and John’s face felt so warm he had to stuff it in the bouquet to compose himself enough to thank Roger. It wasn’t even the first time Roger had bought him flowers, by a long shot, but these meant something. These flowers were for their relationship, not to cheer John up on a rainy afternoon.
It was the symbolism that got to him the most. That and the way Roger was looking at him like he’d hung the moon as John put the roses into a vase.
The day had moved on smoothly from that. They’d gone for a walk, as John insisted they both needed some fresh air. Roger had coaxed him into taking a shower together afterwards, as the humid July air had made them all clammy and disgusting. John had even given in to Roger’s pleadings of getting takeout for dinner.
By 7pm they’d ended up on the floor in front of the television, with two half-eaten pizza boxes in front of their legs.
“I knew you were the one when we first met, you know?” Roger said around a mouthful of pizza.
“You’re gross, chew up before you speak.” John tried to disguise his fondness behind the mockery.
Roger, who was well aware of John’s ways, just started chewing with his mouth open to be an ass. John loved him so much.
“Tell me!” Roger said, after swallowing his food this time. “When did you know you were madly in love with me?” He batted his unfairly long eyelashes.
John stopped mid-chew as he was stricken with a sudden boldness, this was it. He stood up so hastily he felt dizzy and almost missed the confused look on Roger’s face. Almost.
“I have something for you.” He said quickly as he almost jogged to their room to retrieve the box, coming back with his hands behind his back. This felt so much like their proposal it was eerie, John’s heart had jumped into his throat and stayed there.
“Can you-“ John started, stopped to take a steadying breath. “Can you stand up for a second?”
Roger looked at him quizzically but did as he was told. John was taken as ever at how much Roger trusted him and went along with what he said, even when it made little sense. Stood face to face John stared straight into Roger’s eyes, which were filled with curiosity, mischief and so much love it made John feel slightly woozy.
“I-“ John started, cursing himself for being a man of few words when he needed them the most. “I knew I loved you after you made me scribble my stupid phone number onto your forearm.” He joked to diffuse the sudden tension he’d built up in his head.
Roger giggled but his eyes looked surprisingly wet. John panicked. “Rog-“ Roger held his hands up, wiping his under-eyes with his fingertips for show. “No tears yet! Go on.” Roger composed himself as John tried to do the same.
“When we weren’t yet dating and you were driving me around and all I could think about when I got home was when I’d get to see you again.” John continued speaking, and it was as if the momentum had picked up because he found he couldn’t stop the words from coming now.
“And now I get to see you all the time and it’s, it’s surreal.”
John took another deep breath before he dared to look at Roger, who was smiling up at him like the personal ray of sunshine he was to John.
“You make my heart do that thing,” He chuckled quietly. “That thing I’d think was a medical emergency if it wasn’t so glaringly obvious how gone I am for you.”
Roger’s eyes were welling up, John ought to think his were doing the same. He leaned forward to kiss Roger’s cheek tenderly.
“I love you.” He spoke as he pulled away from Roger’s face.
Before Roger had the chance to reply, John was kneeling. His chest felt tight but with what emotion, he couldn’t place. The only things he was sure of were that his hands were shaking as he held the box up and that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with Roger by his side.
“Will you marry me?” He said as steadily as he could. Opening the box for Roger to see, awaiting his response for a few heartbeats too long.
Suddenly Roger was on the floor with him and there were arms around his neck, hands playing with the hair at the back of his neck. Roger staring at him through glassy eyes and the fondest smile on his face, John didn’t know if there would be a day in his life where his chest would cease to feel tight at it.
“Of course I will.” Roger said. “Already put a ring on your finger, didn’t I?” He teased, and John was so grateful. For Roger always found a way to make him feel at ease, and for that he slid the ring onto Roger’s finger with shaky hands.
“Had to upstage me did you?” Roger said as he wiped the tears from his own cheeks, even if they were happy tears the sight tugged at John’s chest.
“I could never.” John giggled through his own tears.
Roger cackled at that. “Damn right!” He exclaimed, with that massive personality that John just loved so much he wanted to bottle it up and save his aura for the days where the sun didn’t seem so bright. “I’ll give it to you this time.” Roger continued fondly, tracing John’s collarbone through his shirt.
“Thank you.” John said as he brought Roger in for a kiss. “I love you.” He added as they pulled away. He didn’t feel shy about it this time.