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Oh, this was when they argued again. Is it that time already?
Nana put down her book to focus on the slightly muffled voices of her dormmates. Even though their room was down the hall, the shouting could be heard from her own. The argument sounded pretty heated, but since when has an argument between Kaoruko and Futaba ever gone well? This had been the fourth time this week that they had bickered like toddlers. Sometimes it was impossible to tell the difference between them and a pair of kindergarteners who misunderstood their role in a game of pretend.
Nana heard a door open. Twenty seconds later came a particularly loud yell.
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FERME TA GUEULE!"
Junna, who had been writing a paper that had been assigned this morning, jumped. Readjusting her glasses, she looked at Nana, who was already on her way out of the room. In the hallway was practically everyone in that wing of the dormitory, their heads out and staring directly at Claudine, who somehow held both arguers by the collar. Nana remembered this part. She thought it was awfully funny seeing these two being dragged out of their room like kittens and Claudine their mother, who was yelling at them in Japanese with pockets of French sprinkled in.
Nana didn't realize that the French she studied earlier meant that she heard everything Claudine was saying. She kept some of her rant in French for a reason. Mostly because Mahiru had a pretty strict "no swearing in the vicinity of Karen-chan" rule. Violators were forced to clean the common room. The look Mahiru would give said violators was absolutely photo-worthy.
A messy apology involving some kind of bribery later, the dormitory was quiet once again. The only sounds that could be heard this time were Junna's pen scratching away at her paper and the occasional page flip from Nana.
Three, two, one...
Junna yawned, tossing her pen to the side. "That's it. I give up on this paper."
"Aww, Junna-chan! You'd never normally quit on a paper. What's up?"
Junna's glasses came off and were neatly placed on the desk. "It's too late for me to get my thoughts together properly. Plus, that incident just now broke my focus."
She climbed into her bed with a bit of a struggle while Nana headed for the lightswitch.
"Good night, Nana."
"Night, Junna-chan."
This night always stuck out to her. This was the first and last time Junna ever muttered the words "I quit," nor did she ever just stop writing a paper in the middle of it.
It was fine though, because Nana asked about the paper on their way to school the next morning.
"Oh, that? I finished it. Of course out of all times to stop focusing, it was at the end."
"That's great! Well, not the stop focusing part."
Those two really need couples counseling. I wonder if Seisho has any therapists.
Junna sighed. "Those two really need couples counseling. I wonder if Seisho has any therapists."
What a funny line. Oh, enter Futaba, stage right!
Almost as if on cue, Futaba came rolling up to the school, the sound of the motorcycle's engine overpowering any conversation nearby. Nana learned how to tune it out over time. And trailing behind her was Karen.
"Futaba-chan? Where's Kaoruko-chan?" she asked.
Futaba sucked her teeth. "Don't ask." Her helmet came off and she immediately headed into the school building.
"What's up with her?" Karen asked.
Nana kept walking. Homeroom was about to begin and she didn't feel like listening to this conversation for the twentieth time. She knew that Kaoruko, despite her daily transportation to school relying entirely on Futaba, walked by herself today.
And sure enough, everyone was present during homeroom, including Kaoruko. Futaba paid no attention to her roommate who had miraculously snuck out early in the morning. Karen however, made a pretty loud ruckus about it.
Nobody was really happy about this Karen-styled interrogation of never-ending questions. Except for one Daiba Nana who was taking pictures with her phone.
Oh yeah, today’s the 25th!
One swing here, another there, sidestep, and..!
CLANG!
The whistling of a golden button flying through the air echoed throughout the empty auditorium. Yellow lights shone brighter.
"Position Zero."
The silence that followed the Revue became less and less terrifying after each loop. However, the fierce glare that was aimed at the back of her head never changed.
"Nana-san? Where, where did this strength come from?"
Had she ever told anyone about the loops? It couldn't hurt to try, right? Maya from last year wouldn't know anyway.
"Oh, I just wanna stay friends with you guys forever, that's all. I've been performing repeat performances of Starlight over and over again."
She could see the bewilderment on Maya's face.
"What? What does that mean-?!"
Curtains.
Curtains appeared from the void and swept away the appalled Maya.
Nana kept staring into the empty seats.
It takes exactly seventy seven seconds for him to appear.
Seven seconds later, the dream-like voice of a man echoed throughout the theater, and in front of Nana appeared a giraffe.
Huh. Earlier than normal. Much earlier.
"Congratulations, Daiba Nana. You have surpassed all opposition and have become the Top Star."
Here he goes again.
"Now that the Top Star has become yours, what is your desire?"
Nana smiled, and extended her arms out. "Just take me back."
She closed her eyes and waited to return to the first day of her first year at Seisho.
"One word of advice."
Hm? This is new.
"It is ill advised of you to tell others of your wishes of which have been granted. That is all."
And it was indeed all, as the next moment, Nana found herself at the back of the classroom sitting next to Junna, listening to her homeroom teacher introduce the students to the curriculum of Seisho Music Academy.
Maybe don't do that next time, who knows what might happen if I piss off the giraffe.
Everything stayed the same after every loop. As they should be. Nana wasn't hopping timelines, or at least she thought she wasn't. Nothing significant enough happened in between loops to signify any major difference in events. One thing stayed the same, though. A notebook with a cute little froggy sticker was the only thing aside from Nana herself that travelled back with her. All of her other notes, souvenirs, candy wrappers, and other random objects disappeared with each loop.
She decided to write down what happened every day in said notebook, just for kicks. Nana wanted to stay in the same rhythm as the rest of the world, and took notes of every little thing that would happen to the main cast of Starlight. It began with who was in charge of classroom cleanup at the start of the day. Eventually it became every little thing, such as when Mahiru would stare vacantly in Karen's direction (which was almost every day sometime after the first half of their first year), the early mornings when Junna snuck out to practice on her own (every so often, twice or three times a week), or even the days Nana could hear Kaoruko whining from her room (daily).
Nana had seen the Revues so many times that she even had detailed doodles of everyone's weapons in her notebook. She liked her own the most though; her two katanas. She liked that she had two. She liked that one didn't have to be lonely without the other.
Seisho was her paradise. She never wanted to leave.
Nana once dreamt that a new student transferred to Class A. She had long black hair and blue eyes. Many of the students had their attention on her. Nana felt a sharp pain in her chest. That wasn't part of the script. None of this was part of the script. The script that she had been participating in for what literally felt like a lifetime.
The scenery shifted and in front of her was the exchange student. She was wearing an outfit that looked similar to the ones everyone wore in the Revues. Nana instantly felt anger. She wasn’t supposed to wear that. It didn’t matter if the coat was blue or not. That outfit was only supposed to be for the students of Seisho. Who was this intruder that barged into the Revues?
The script of Starlight appeared. Her script. She calmed down, and relaxed. Everything will be fine. The script will be intact.
Without warning, it ripped in two, the deafening sound of shredding paper ringing in her ears.
"NO!"
Nana bolted upright. She was sweating and gasping for breath. Her head felt dizzy from sitting up that quickly. Where was she? What was happening?
Oh, it's just my dorm room.
"N-Nana? What's wrong?"
Junna was at the foot of her bed, worry plastered all over her face. She had already been dressed up and ready to go out for school.
Did I oversleep?
"Oh, nothing, it's just, whew, bad dreams."
That visual of her precious script being torn in two provoked emotions in her that were incredibly unsettling. All of her hard work, gone in two seconds.
What was that about?
Junna looked pained. "Okay... it's just dreams though, yeah?"
Nana nodded a little too quickly. "Yeah... just a dream." A bad thought rang in her head. Her dreams were usually connected to the Revues, which meant that the dream might have been important.
With a rush, Nana had to throw on her uniform and dash out of the dormitory. She woke up much later than usual; most of the students were gone before she headed out. This included Kaoruko and Futaba, somehow. Luckily she was tall, meaning her stride was bigger. Good for teasing other people, mostly Futaba. Or Mahiru whenever she was busy fawning over anyone. Literally anyone.
This was a little off-script, though. This morning Claudine was supposed to be walking next to Junna and Nana as an excuse to stay away from Maya. Karen was supposed to still be in bed. Maya was supposed to be eating a baumkuchen as she walked briskly to class. It was fine though. Sometimes the script would go off-track for a few moments out of her control before quickly returning to normal.
It wasn't fine. Once she stepped into the classroom, Nana froze.
What the hell...
The girl from her dream was there. Long black hair. Blue eyes. Karen was talking to her. Nana felt her stomach turn to lead. The events from the day before rushed back to her head.
Kagura Hikari was the new transfer student who had joined Class A. Karen's normally laid back nature was suddenly taken over by this overly curious fountain of questions.
Nana felt rage boil inside and take over her body.
Okay. Okay, this is fine. It's just... improv. Yeah. Just follow the improv they taught in class.
Her improvisation skills only took her so far. Following the script for so long rusted her actual talking skills. Nana spent so long repeating the same lines over and over again that once she went up to meet Hikari, she wasn’t able to say anything.
Who the hell is Kagura Hikari? I don’t know her. I’ve never known her.
She isn’t a part of the script. She’s not a part of Starlight. I don’t know my lines.
This isn’t right. This isn’t part of the script. None of this is.
It’s fine. I can get this back on track.
Karen reigned victorious in a Revue.
It’s fine. I can get this back on
Karen and Junna had a rematch.
It’s fine. I can get
Karen chased after Hikari into the city.
It’s fine. I can
Everyone thinks Hikari and Karen should be the lead roles for Starlight.
It’s fine. I
Nana faced Hikari in a Revue and lost.
it’s fine.
Nana faced Karen in a Revue.
its
Karen stepped out of the loop.
it
Tomorrow’s Revue won’t be Nana and Maya anymore.
It’s not fine anymore.
Oh, this was when they argued again. Is it that time already?
Nana put down her book to focus on the-.
Wait.
There were no voices. Kaoruko and Futaba weren’t yelling at each other. The dorm was quiet.
“Hold on… wait… no…”
She leapt out of bed to look for her journal. She frantically flipped through the pages to look for today’s events, even though she knew exactly what was supposed to happen today at this time. She read up and down the page for today’s events, and sure enough, today was May 24th. At 9:43PM, Kaoruko and Futaba were supposed to be arguing. Shortly after would be Claudine yelling at the two of them. Twenty minutes later would be when Junna gave up on her paper. No other events for today.
May 24th.
The last day before she began another loop.
The implication of Nana not being able to begin another first year at Seisho tomorrow struck her like lightning.
The notebook dropped, its pages fluttering pathetically before smacking the floor.
Nana slumped to the ground.
Your performance is coming to an end.
The sound of a door.
“Nana?!”
Nana looked up to her roommate, a solemn expression on her face. “Junna-chan… My Starlight... “
Junna placed the cups she was holding down on her desk and kneeled down. Immediately, arms wrapped around the girl holding everything in. It was hard to cry. Nana couldn’t even remember how to cry. Attempting to emulate the rush of emotions that came to her the night of her loss in the Revue wasn’t working.
“Nana…”
The fear was settling in. Time was going to progress as usual starting tomorrow night. Everyone’s going to keep moving on with their lives. Everyone was going to produce a different Starlight. Everyone was going to celebrate a different party. Everyone was going to graduate from Seisho.
Everyone was going to part ways. Everyone was going to forget each other. Everyone was going to die eventually.
Nana didn’t like thinking of the past. She hated the days where nobody would talk to her. Nobody would play with her. Nobody would pay attention to the monster inside of her; ripping and clawing at her insides, waiting for a day where she could find another to latch onto. Another to listen to her. Another to care for.
The future was just another past without the child-like hope and ignorance. The future would just be another past with responsibilities that she can’t fulfill.
The future traumatized her.
She couldn’t breathe.
Nana began trembling. “My… My Starlight… My Flora… My Claire… My… My cast…”
Junna gently stroked the other girl’s back. It wasn’t much, but it was at least helping.
“Junna-chan, I can’t think… I don’t want to think about what will happen after…”
Junna’s hold on Nana kept firm. She knew that letting go would have unthinkable repercussions. “Nana. Nana, I’m here. I’m here for you now. Don’t worry. Think about now, not the future.”
Nana’s breathing stabilized. A realization came to her. “Keep doing that.”
“... doing what?”
“The… keep telling me that you’re here.”
“What?”
“Please?”
Junna decided to comply. Anything to keep Nana from freaking out. “O-okay.”
“Junna-chan?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Good.”
A few seconds pass.
“Junna-chan?”
“Mmhm. I’m still here.”
A minute passes.
“Junna-chan~.”
“You seem a little happier. I’m still hugging you.”
A bit more of this back and forth led to a hint of a smile forming on Nana’s face.
“Junna-chan?”
“Still here-.”
“I love you.”
“What?!”
“I-I don’t know. I… hearing those words helps a lot…”
Junna didn’t question it. “It’s nothing. I’m just trying to help.”
Nana felt much more comfortable. The arms around her torso felt a little realer than they were ten minutes ago. The existential crisis that hit her like a truck felt a little less alarming. The present world was a little more appealing. Junna was here, after all. Junna was always there in the loops, but this Junna was different. This Junna seemed a little happier than the first year Junna. This Junna gave hugs.
This Junna cared for her. Much more than the loop Junna. Loop Junna never did much more than say good morning and good night.
“It’s not nothing, silly. It’s… it’s… you’re helping a lot more than you realize.”
Nana felt weight against her back. Junna’s head laid there.
“Hold on. Let me go.”
Junna hesitated. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Just give me a moment.”
The weight against her lifted and Nana felt a twinge of fear. Anxiety. Hunger. She ignored those feelings, turned around, and embraced Junna with her own arms.
“N-Nana?!”
Nana had never felt this warm before. She immediately realized that throughout every single one of her loops, she had never given anyone a hug. Sure, Karen would give her one every single time she announced that she would join the stage crew, but that was Karen being Karen. That wasn’t Nana’s roommate who was the only one who could comfort her. Nobody else could be casted that role that could fill her heart with warmth.
Nana buried her head into Junna’s neck. Tears slowly made their way down her cheeks. “Don’t let go, please.”
They slept in the same bed that night. Junna feared that Nana might fall back into despair if left alone for the night. Thoughts of tomorrow bounced inside of Nana’s head. Not being able to begin a repeat performance of last year embedded itself in her thoughts. Today was the last day. She tried opening her phone to see how long it was until midnight, but Junna’s arms were wrapped around her waist and made it hard to move without waking her up, and she definitely did not want to wake her up. This was the most affection Nana had ever gotten in her entire life.
How long was it since she actually began the loops? How long did it take her to get to this point? It didn’t matter. The past was in the past. This was now. This single moment in time where Nana’s body warmth was being shared with another.
She liked it.
Nana liked living in the present right now.