Chapter Text
I didn’t expect it to rain tonight, it was so sudden.
I usually really enjoy the rain, there’s something comforting about listening to the water drops unto the ground. Every rain has a different rhythm, sometimes it’s calm and loving and other times hard and passionate. Tonight, it’s rather dramatic.
The first drops were that bad, I almost believed I could make it home in time but suddenly Mother Nature got really angry at me. Or it seems to be. Karma had something against me today. First it was him and now it was the rain, beating my head, shoulders and back rather violently. It’s making me want to cry. Not because of the impact but because I was hurting. Every raindrop was a reminder of his failure, my heartbreak and our mistakes.
The rain makes it easier to cry tho, hiding my hot tears being a curtain of cold ones. Feeling relieved because no one could see me cry. The combination of the tears rolling and the rain sticking to my eyelashes was a pretty disturbing sensation. I could feel every drop crashing on my lashes, building up and weighting on my already tired and sad eyes, then they would fall onto my cheeks, adding on my tears that had already taking residency there and slowly running on my skin to fall from my chin. I was wishing they would take all my pain and bad memories with them but they didn’t. Every drop, every tear just left me with a feeling of nothingness. And for once I would be happy if they’d take rather than give. It was too late to be outside but too early to go home and I was feeling lost out here. People were rushing to take shelter but I keep walking, seemingly calm but my heart was buzzing, my head was thumping and my fingers were tingling to do something, anything.
But my brain shut down and even with all the feelings, I was numb. I could feel everything but my brains wasn’t ready to process it. And I didn’t want it to be. I was glad to have this moment where my feelings were just that. Feelings. I was sad, angry, pathetic, melancholic, desperate but all these feelings were meaningless now. I was feeling so much and it doesn’t even matter, doesn’t make sense and would lead to nothing. All of it because of the rain. Because of the rhythm. Because I couldn’t concentrate on anything except the droplets running from my face, healing me in a way.
I hear it before I saw it. The buzzing sound of cheap lights, the unceasing humming of electricity running through the light sign and the flickering of the broken letter. I was home. Well, it was my home before.
I lifted my head even though I knew it was useless. My eyes were full of water and all I could see was distorted. The flashing lights looked like nothing really, just streak of colours attacking me. It would be the last. The last heartbreak, the last tear and the last goodbye. I was done and it was over. This. This life was over. All I had left was the rain, my tears and the flashing letter N.