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I'm curious.
How do stars look? How do they shine?
Do stars really light up the sky like you said? Bring light to the darkness?
I used to just let the thought pass by, crossing my mind but never really staying there.
But nowadays, the thought lingers, remains in my mind for longer than I deem normal.
It all happened when you came into my life.
Like how I used to treat the thought of stars, I just wanted you to pass by, I didn't want you to stay.
I was after all, a burden. Not being able to do anything is hard enough for me, I wouldn't want to pass that burden to anybody. So I wanted you to pass by, to carry on with your life.
But you persisted, you did your best for me to let you in. And after months of acting blind to all your efforts, I eventually did.
The thought of you kept me up at night. You lingered on my mind, you made me think of stars more and more.
Because that's how you were to me.
Like how they described stars, you were a big ball of fire, lighting up every single bit of my dark skies. You shined so bright, I forgot what life was like without your light.
But I forgot that they also taught us that stars die. It takes a while before we discover it because their light still shines in the night sky. If one looks up, there are possibilities that the star they're looking at is already dead.
For you, my star, it took me a week before I realized that the light I was used to seeing was already gone.
Nobody told me.
Nobody said a thing.
I only found out when you were 6 feet under the ground.
I wanted to feel your face one last time, trace your handsome features once more.
I know that I can't see them, but after spending hundreds of nights with me laying beside you, tracing every curve and line on your face, I already have a picture of you painted on my mind.
If I could, I would trade anything just to be able to see your face, even if it's the time you're getting buried underground. I wanted to see the black and silver hair you said you had, to stare at the golden eyes that are hidden beneath closed eyelids.
I wanted to see you shine, even if it's your dying light.
So Koutaro, my star, how did you look? How did you shine?
I'm curious.