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Kakashi was almost halfway through his bike-ride when he saw it.
The perfect ass.
Granted, he’d seen alot of asses throughout his life, but this was high-quality, premium ass at its finest. Perky and muscular, with the faintest hint of jiggle. Just the right size and shape for a hand, the curve as aesthetically pleasing as artwork. It was beautifully displayed in a pair of tiny black running shorts that somehow managed to enhance its appearance rather than detract from its perfection like most clothing. That thing belonged in a museum.
The ass’s owner jogged ahead of him on the bike path, his dark brown hair, pulled back in a half-ponytail, bouncing with every step, a sheen of sweat glistening on tanned shoulders. Kakashi didn’t even feel guilty about slowing down to get a better look.
He was so distracted by the fantastic ass that he failed to notice the turn up ahead, and rode right off the path, hit a tree root, flew off his bike, ricocheted off the tree itself, and flipped into the duck pond.
I probably deserved that, Kakashi thought as he hit the water. Ducks burst up out of the reeds, quacking indignantly as they flapped away. He sat up, spitting out a mouthful of scummy pond water, his hair plastered over his face and head ringing.
What a disaster. He needed to hurry the fuck up and get out of there before someone snapped a pic and he became the newest meme - tfw ur so gay u chase ass into a duck pond. He just had to crawl out of the pond, grab his bicycle, and disappear before anyone-
“Oh my God! Are you okay?”
Fuck.
Kakashi looked up to find some kind of ethereal demigod descending upon mankind- no, shit, it was perfect ass guy, sprinting back towards him, looking concerned. Kakashi wouldn’t mind worshipping him, either, because apparently he was also perfect face and body guy, too.
Double fuck.
“You’re fine as hell,” he blurted out, then blinked. “No, wait. I mean...I’m fine. As hell.”
“You sure?” The guy cocked an eyebrow at him dubiously, halting at the edge of the pond. “Here, lemme help you up.” He splashed right into the knee-high water, probably ruining his sweet kicks, and held out a hand to Kakashi, who hesitated before taking it. He was half afraid he’d burn up like Icarus, getting too close to the sun.
Also, he was pretty sure his hands were covered in duck poop.
“Thanks.”
The guy easily hauled Kakashi to his feet with a firm tug, grabbing hold of his shoulder when he wobbled a little. He leaned in closer and Kakashi sucked in a breath as he got a good look at the longest, darkest lashes he’d ever seen framing big brown eyes, which got even bigger as they widened in shock.
“Oh, shit! You’re bleeding.”
“Huh?” Kakashi touched his nose and was surprised to see his fingers come away red. It must have something to do with face-planting on that tree. He glared at it. “You bitch. I will be pressing charges.”
Perfect ass guy laughed. “Here,” he said, then whipped off his tank-top just like that and pressed it to Kakashi’s face to staunch the flow.
If the tiny shorts hadn’t been enough to throw him into a gay panic, the sight of this beautiful man standing before him nearly naked, his skin shimmering with sweat, aglow in the sunlight made him short-circuit. Kakashi just stood there, his brain shooting out sparks.
Was it too late to start worshipping him?
“Bend over and tilt your head forward,” the guy suggested. “It’ll help.”
It really wouldn’t. Then Kakashi would be eyes-to-crotch with the man, and the nosebleed would only get worse. Those shorts were paper thin and soaked from the pond, clinging to him like a second skin. Kakashi could practically see the curve of his-
He jerked his eyes away, body flushing with heat as he attempted to smother himself with the shirt.
“Ah, there’s your bike.” Kakashi peeked up just in time to see the man bend over right in front of him, muscles flexing beneath bronzed skin as he dragged the bike out of the reeds. Droplets of dirty pond water beaded on his upper thighs like jewels. Kakashi felt the inexplicable urge to lick them off despite the abundant bacteria. And that perfect ass dangling before him, like a plump, ripe fruit he was dying to dig his teeth into- “Oh, no!” He tore his hungry gaze back to see the front wheel of his bike was badly bent - he wasn’t going anywhere on that thing. “Damn, that sucks. I’m sorry.”
“It’s cool, I have spares,” Kakashi mumbled around the shirt. “Unlike you. I’m bleeding all over your top.”
“Oh, s’fine, don’t worry about it,” perfect ass guy replied, hands on his hips, completely at ease, like he stood around practically naked every day. Not that Kakashi was complaining. Or anyone else, for that matter. Several passersby up on the path had slowed down or stopped to stare. One even whistled. The man casually flipped them off over his shoulder. “I hope you don’t have a concussion or anything. Is there anyone I can call for you?” he offered, though Kakashi couldn’t imagine where he’d hide a phone with those shorts. Actually, scratch that, he could. “A friend, family member? ...Girlfriend?”
“Boyfriend,” Kakashi corrected automatically, then winced. Smooth.
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t want to assume. So what’s the lucky guy’s number?”
“Wait, no, I didn’t mean-” Kakashi broke off. “I don’t have a boyfriend. Just. Wanted to emphasize that I’m. You know. Gay .” SO smooth. That blow to the head must have really- wait, did he say lucky?
“Gotcha.” The guy twirled a lock of hair around his finger endearingly and hummed in thought. “Dammit, I really don’t want to just leave you like this…”
I really don’t want you to leave, either. Kakashi forced himself to say aloud, “It’s okay, I think I just grazed the tree. And look, the bleeding’s pretty much stopped. I’m totally fine-” He took a step and immediately got a wave of light-headedness, though that could just be from his proximity to the hottest man on earth, who heightened their proximity by leaping forward to keep him upright. Kakashi got a faceful of damp, sweaty hair and a deep whiff of equally damp, sweaty skin, which was much more pleasant than it ought to be.
I am the smoothest motherfucker alive, he thought.
Then he slipped on some mud and they both toppled into the pond.
Triple fuck.
Perfect ass guy hit the water first, followed by Kakashi right on top of him, pressing him down into the muck. He was too disgusted by his second taste of nasty pond scum to even enjoy the sensation of falling on him. What ducks had cautiously returned to their home took off once more, quacking even louder. Kakashi spluttered upright, convinced he’d swallowed some frog eggs, once again looking like a drowned rat. The other man surfaced moments after, looking like-
“Okay what the FUCK how are you still so hot-”
“Whu...you think I’m hot?” The guy blinked up at him in surprise with those big beautiful eyes. His thick lashes had to be natural - the water had no effect on them at all. That, or he used waterproof mascara. His wet hair looked sleek and smooth, artfully clinging to his neck and shoulders like tendrils, and the dull pond water only served to make his natural skin tone gleam like pure bronze. It just wasn’t fair. Kakashi all but glared at him in outrage.
“Are you kidding me? You were gorgeous enough dry, then you fall into a duck pond and somehow manage to look even hotter!”
“I dunno,” the other man replied, grinning cheekily. “I think you cooled me down a bit with this impromptu dip.”
Oh God. Kakashi’s ultimate weakness, after perfect asses. Dad jokes.
He was in love.
“Christ, that was painful,” he groaned, head sagging in defeat. “I think I’d rather go head-butt the tree again.”
The guy laughed and splashed him in the face. Kakashi gagged on a leaf, then splashed him right back.
And the battle was on.
It raged for the better part of five minutes, each party viciously splashing the other, taking no quarter. Kakashi even picked up a frog and attempted to place it on perfect ass guy’s head, but was dunked in the process. In the end, not a single inch of them remained dry, both men dripping dirty water, plastered with mud and grinning ear to ear.
“Let’s get out of here before we get arrested for playing in the pond,” Kakashi suggested, panting for breath.
“Or public indecency,” the other guy snorted.
The two of them crawled out of the water, dragging Kakashi’s ruined bike and squishing their way back to the path, all the while giggling like five-years-olds rather than the grown-ass men they were. The crowd watching them quickly dispersed now that the fun seemed over, thankfully giving them a private moment, which Kakashi seized.
“Hey, um,” he said before he lost his nerve, “I’d really like to do this again. The. Being with you part. Not the falling in a duck pond thing.”
“I’d like that,” perfect ass guy said, brushing a strand of wet hair out of his face. He even looked gorgeous covered in mud. How was that possible? “Though I’d like a name, too. I can’t keep thinking of you as ‘perfect mole guy’ forever.”
“Kakashi,” he said, choking back a laugh. The man smiled.
“Iruka.” Kakashi choked some more. “Make a dolphin joke and I’ll yeet you back in the pond.”
Kakashi didn’t doubt he could. He’d probably enjoy it.
He enjoyed getting his number even more.
---
We’re famous, was the text Kakashi woke up to the next morning. It was from Iruka, and below it was a link to Youtube. Someone had taken a short video of the two of them splashing around in the pond and appropriately titled it: Two Dudes One Pond.
Kakashi wasn’t even mad.
-End-