Archive of Our Own

[july]

“you gonna finish that?” taehyung asks, mouth full. he’s already eaten three slices of pizza and jeongguk’s barely touched his first. he shakes his head. 

taehyung swallows and suddenly looks concerned. he pauses the movie on his laptop -- they’re watching high school musical. 

“what’s up with you? you love hawaiian.” 

jeongguk scoffs. because it’s funny, it’s so funny and he’s pissed at himself for being so pathetic. he sighs and stares at the screen. troy is standing on gabriella’s balcony singing acapella. it’s cheesy, and sort of awful, but jeongguk isn’t laughing like he normally does. he puts his head in his hands and sighs. 

“sorry it’s… stupid.” 

“no, it’s not,” taehyung says gently. he gingerly prys jeongguk’s hand from his face. “what’s wrong?” 

and well, jeongguk stopped bottling in his feelings a long time ago. 

“i don’t know. i guess watching this makes me realise that like...high school is over. we graduated. we’re older than them. that’s so weird to me.” taehyung hums, listening intently like jeongguk knew he would. “and i just feel like i haven’t done anything.” 

“like what? you did so much. you grew so much. you killed it at every dance showcase, you’ve got your photos framed in the school, everyone on the newspaper will rave about you forever…” 

“not like that.” jeongguk groans, tilts his head to the ceiling in a silent prayer.  “god, this is embarrassing.” 

“so...what is it?” and it would sound harsh coming out of anyone else’s mouth but somehow taehyung says it kindly. jeongguk doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring at troy bolton and his dumb hair on the laptop screen, chin tucked atop his knees. taehyung’s eyes flash between them. “ah. you wanted your high school musical romance, huh?” 

“oh god,” jeongguk flops backward on the bed. he shoves his face in the pillow. “i want to die.” 

taehyung coos at him. “that’s so cute. you’ve always been such a romantic.” 

"stop i--it’s not even like that, i just...i don't want to have zero experience when i go off to college," jeongguk says. "like what if i meet a guy and totally fuck up the first kiss? i don’t know anything about that stuff. i’ve never even held anyone’s hand." he rubs his temples weakly. 

“you’ve held my hand.” taehyung says, and if jeongguk didn’t know better he’d think he heard a twinge of genuine hurt in his voice, behind the sarcasm.

“i--not like that. you know .”

the mood changes for a brief moment, but it passes unoticed. "so, what's your plan then?" taehyung questions, shifting himself so that he's laying upside down off the edge of his bed. 

"i just...wish i could have had some practice or something?  i have two months to find someone, but i don't know anyone and all the parties are with people i know and don't really want to kiss and oh god , this is so embarrassing. i don't know why i'm even telling you this. forget it even happened. it's getting late anyways--" he stands up off tae's bed and to the chair in the corner where his backpack is. 

"wait," taehyung says suddenly, sitting up so fast that the rush of blood to his head makes him stumble a little. he squints and his hair's all messed up. "i-um, how desperate are you?" 

the skip in jeongguks heart turns into a leap. he turns around. pause . "uh, haha --" he rubs the back of his neck. "pretty? desperate? i guess? why, do you, um...have someone in mind?" 

"not...really. but," and before jeongguk can question further, tae looks down at his lap and swings his feet. he shrugs, sighs, and then blurts, confidently: 

"i could help," and jeongguk's heart falls into his stomach. "like, if you want. i guess. i've kissed people. it's chill." 

be cool be cool be cool be cool. he laughs, a little too loud, probably. "that's not fair. i want someone who actually likes me. or at least thinks i'm cute or hot or whatever." he's beet red now, avoiding all eye contact and playing with the strings on his hoodie. 

then tae, softly, mutters: "who said i don't?" 

jeongguk doesn't look up. "you're my best friend. you have to say i'm hot. it's in the rules ." 

it’s quiet. then: "i meant the first part." 

jeongguk snaps his head up so fast, he almost chokes on his saliva. as if his parasympathetic nervous system wasn't failing him enough.

taehyung slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. “i’m—i didn’t mean to say that.” 

jeongguk’s mouth opens and closes like a fish. "...what?" 

taehyung shrugs, defeated. he picks at the fringe on his shorts. even with his head down, jeongguk can see the redness on the tops of his ears. “i've spent the past six months trying to push it away. since we're going to college and stuff and i didn't want to hurt you. or me. us.” he sighs, heavy. “but— it’s been killing me." 

jeongguk blinks. the room feels too hot. he’s still standing up, knees shaking. how he manages to get actual real words out, he has no idea. but the abruptness of the situation makes him think none of this is real, just another one of those shallow scenarios he makes up in his head when he can't fall asleep right away. which is probably why, without moving, he opens his mouth and says: 

"y’know, it's funny because i've been doing the same." 

"oh?" 

"yeah."

"since when?"

jeongguk knows exactly since when. taehyung probably does too.

"well," he says. he can feel a sheen of sweat forming around his collar. he pulls at it anxiously. "prom." 

- - -  

[rewind]

[play]

- - - 

[may]

jeongguk knows prom is a thing. 

he went junior year, with taehyung and jimin, and sat in the corner while everyone was on the dance floor. he sat in their booth by himself, picking at his supermarket pastries and ignoring the way taehyung looked at him with pity from his spot in the middle of the crowd. he just didn't like dancing. even though both tae and jimin tried to drag him to have conversations and dance with people he barely knew to instrumental house music, he always found his way back to the table to recharge and fiddle with his phone. 

he hated it. up until the middle, when taehyung, jacket off, tie loose and buttons undone, came back over to their table and stood in front of jeongguk for a moment, watching him play animal crossing: pocket camp. 

"i told you, i don't want to dance." jeongguk said, not looking up. 

"i brought you a gingerale." 

said gingerale is set on the table gently, and the booth dipped next to him. 

please, jeongguk thought, shutting off his phone and twirling it in his hands. please, taehyung, i want to go home. 

"jeongguk," taehyung said softly, ducking his head to try and meet jeongguk's eyes. "do you want to go home?" 

jeongguk violently shook his head. "no, no, no. i'm fine. i'm great. thanks for the gingerale. have you tried the cannolis? they're not bad." he avoided taehyung's eyes and sipped his gingerale. 

taehyung was silent, and then he leaned back and chuckled. "gguk, c'mon. we've been friends for like, 10 years. i think i know when you're not enjoying yourself." 

and well, jeongguk couldn't really argue. taehyung was always so observant and thoughtful, even with people he barely knew. the two weren't super close until high school, but it was always clear. taehyung was the type to bring his teachers personal gifts in middle school, but only after classes when everyone had left (except jeongguk, who struggled in math and needed tutoring, and saw the exchanges in classrooms he passed on his way every so often). he was the type to hold surprise birthday parties when he noticed someone wasn't able to have one, to anonymously slip a chocolate bar in a classmate's locker the day after an exam in a subject he knew they had trouble with. and sometimes, people didn't notice or appreciate (not that that was ever taehyung's intention), but jeongguk did. he always did. 

"but what about jimin?" he asked after a moment.  

"jimin's been talking to hoseok for like 15 minutes now," taehyung said, jerking his head towards the tables on the other side of the room. sure enough, jimin was sat at a table, chin in his hands, listening as hoseok talked about something with dramatic hand gestures. even from afar, jeongguk could see stars in his eyes. "i think they just ordered shirley temples, so it'll be a while. you know how much he likes him." 

"yeah," jeongguk couldn't help but feel a twinge in his stomach. he wondered what it'd be like to have someone like him that much. "i don't know. you can— uh, you can stay, if you want. i'll have my brother pick me up or something. " 

"nah," taehyung smiled knowingly and nudged jeongguk's arm with his elbow. "this is lame anyway.” (which jeongguk finds suspicious, considering how much of a blast he was having five minutes ago, but whatever.) “they've played like six post malone songs and my head hurts. wanna go to mcdonalds?" 

20 minutes later, they sat in taehyung's car in an empty parking lot, eating fries and listening to the playlist jeongguk made him for his birthday 4 months prior. ("you actually listened?" jeongguk had asked him after winter break, when taehyung came up to him gushing about one of the bands. "what? yeah, of course i did," he had said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.)

"hey, jeongguk?" taehyung said, breaking the silence. "i'm really sorry you didn't have a good time tonight." his voice was careful and guilty. jeongguk hadn't really expected any sympathy, but he wasn't surprised. admiring, as always, of taehyung's tender thoughtfulness. 

"no, tae, don't be," he said, regretful, because he didn't really know how to go about this conversation. "it was fun. the pastries were okay. i liked hanging out with you guys. just because i didn't like dancing doesn't mean i didn't have a good time." 

"are you sure?" tae asked, picking at this fingernails. 

"yes, i'm sure. i probably won't go next year, but i don't regret going." and it's true. if anything, taehyung made his night. dancing all goofy, looking sharp in his suit and going around asking everyone if they planned to eat the marachino cherries in their drinks.

taehyung leaned back in his seat and pressed his head against the window, brows furrowing. jeongguk opened a new packet of ketchup. 

"okay," taehyung said, suddenly, sitting up and turning in his seat to face jeongguk. "next year, you're not going. i won't either." 

"what? no, tae—"

"we won't go. we'll do something else instead. you can come over to mine and we can have a movie marathon and order thai food." 

as amazing as that sounded to jeongguk, he couldn't accept. not when taehyung was having such a good time, not when he's already given jeongguk so much. 

"no," he said firmly. "that's not fair to you. you were having so much fun, and it's senior year prom—" 

"exactly. we already did it junior year, so why pay forty bucks to do it again? and buy a whole different suit so people won't say stuff, and go out for dinner beforehand....that's a lot of money for some dumb dancing that we can just do in my room." 

jeongguk hesitated. "are you sure? like absolutely sure?" 

"yes," taehyung put a hand on jeongguk's shoulder and squeezed. "i want this. i promise." 

"okay," jeongguk said, smile in his voice. "okay." taehyung hummed, satisfied, and started the engine.

so when the time comes, april of senior year, and when daniel asks sarah to prom in the cafeteria during lunch one day with a big sign and flowers, he doesn't even flinch. because he and taehyung have something planned. 

"aw," jimin coos, pasta in his mouth. "they're so cute."  

hoseok scoffs. "yeah, but my proposal was better." 

"obviously," jimin says, wrapping his arms around hoseok. "prom is our first anniversary. we're way ahead of the game." hoseok gives jimin a sweet smile. 

"gross," jeongguk and taehyung comment at the same time. 

jimin rolls his eyes. "so where do you guys wanna go for dinner beforehand? i was thinking somewhere a bit nicer since it's our senior year. there's a great italian place by the venue." 

"oh, we're not going." jeongguk says, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

"what?" hoseok's eyes widen and jimin pouts next to him. "why not?" 

"we're gonna stay in and watch movies instead. it's way better than a dumb dance. right, tae?" 

there's no response. 

jeongguk looks to his right, and taehyung is picking at the tomatoes he set aside from his salad. 

maybe he didn't hear him. 

"tae? tell jimin and hoseok our prom plans." he elbows taehyung's arm and wiggles his shoulders up and down excitedly. there's nothing more he likes than spending time with taehyung alone. they haven't been doing much of that lately, both of them busy with college decisions and getting ready for their respective end of the year things: jeongguk's senior dance showcase, and taehyung's art portfolio show. and it sucks, because jeongguk misses their time together. he's an introvert, shy and drained after a lot of time with most people. but no matter how long he's around taehyung, jeongguk never feels like he'd rather be alone. so far, taehyung's the only person in his life who makes him feel that way. 

so when taehyung opens his mouth and says: 

"i...kind of wanna go. to prom." 

jeongguk's heart sinks, just a little. 

"oh," he says, because he sucks at confrontation, and he's incredibly embarrassed. jimin and hoseok are watching them, confused. "that's okay." 

"i was gonna tell you!" taehyung bursts, twisting in his seat to face him. he makes eye contact, like he always does when he really means something. "i really was. i just didn't know how to bring it up." 

jeongguk doesn't know what to say. 

"hey, we’re gonna head to class early," jimin says softly, collecting his and hoseok's tray. "let us know what your plans are." he smiles, oozing genuine sympathy, and then taehyung and jeongguk are left alone. 

there's a weird tension in the air. it could be from this particular conversation, or from the fact that jeongguk can't even remember the last time they spent time alone. either way, it sucks. 

"i'm sorry," taehyung says, in a half-whisper, barely audible over the noise in the cafeteria. "i just--" 

"don't be sorry," jeongguk blurts. it sounds passive aggressive, and he really, really doesn't mean it to be. taehyung does so much for him, and if he wants to go to prom, he should go. it's what he deserves. "please." 

and then its weird again. taehyung's ice cream cup has melted and jeongguk watches as he takes his spoon and mixes the chocolate and the vanilla into a soup. the metal of his reusable spoon scratched against the styrofoam. a few weeks ago, taehyung would make a comment about how styrofoam was killing the planet, and how he wished he could get the cafeteria to invest in compostable utensils. but now it's just quiet, and jeongguk hates it. 

and he can't stop thinking about taehyung leaving early to sit in a mcdonalds parking lot during prom last year, and bringing him a ginger ale when there was already a long line for drinks, and telling him he looked lovely when he saw him hop in the front seat before they drove to the venue, and requesting his favorite pop song to the DJ without telling him (but jeongguk saw, he always does). 

so when taehyung mumbles something about having to print notes for class, and gets up to leave, jeongguk grabs his hand. 

"wait!" he says, in disbelief that something's coming out of his mouth. "i'll...i'll go with you." 

"it's fine, i can print it by myself—" 

"no, stupid. to prom." 

taehyung sits back down. 

“unless you already have a date or something, or want to go with someone else, it’s fine, i don’t mind, i’ll just—“

"no, no. there’s nobody else.” taehyung says, soft, and it makes jeongguk want to go even more. "i’d love to go with you. but seriously, you don't have to." 

"i want to, though," jeongguk replies, confident. "i like, miss you, or whatever," he shrugs, less confident. 

the corners of taehyungs lips turn up, faintly. "i miss you too, gguk. i'm sorry i've been MIA. it's been weird." 

"do you want to talk about it?" 

taehyung shakes his head, a bit too fast for comfort. "it's just….college and stuff," he fiddles with the hem of his sweater. "i put in my deposit yesterday, and it's all sinking in, i guess." 

jeongguk stares at him, and in a rush of intimacy, reaches out to brush taehyung’s soft brown fringe away from falling in his eyes, as it does when he neglects to trim it. he's not super good with words, but he hopes that conveys what he can’t find the words to say. 

the warning bell rings before either of them could say anything else. 

"i have dance now, but text me later," jeongguk says with a smile. "about prom plans." he hitches his backpack over his shoulder and taehyung does the same. 

"are you really sure about that?" taehyung asks as they walk down the hallway. "it's honestly fine, we can do something before, or during the weekend..." 

"kim taehyung," jeongguk laughs, stopping outside the classroom. "i've never been more sure about anything in my life. please go to class." he gestures into the room dramatically, stepping further out into the hallway. 

taehyung smiles, soft and sweet, and it lights something warm inside jeongguk. "okay," he whispers, backing in through the open door and nearly running into his classmate. "have a good practice." 

as jeongguk walks away, something twists in his stomach — a bundle of nerves, regret, grief at losing the perfect prom night plan taehyung suggested to him a year ago. but he’ll manage, because above all — even his own fragile introvertedness — being with taehyung is always his first choice. 

jimin's in the changing room when he gets there, leaning against the wall. "hey," he looks up from his phone. he's changed and ready. "you and tae looked pre-tty cozy after we left you alone." he sing-songs, teasing.

"shut up," jeongguk retorts, quickly, shoving his backpack in his locker with a bit more force than he'd like. "i told you, we're friends. best friends. that's it." he’s surprised at the sudden serious defensiveness in his voice. 

"i didn't say anything!" 

"you implied it, though." he says, throwing on his gym clothes and shutting his locker. jimin shrugs innocently and they walk into the classroom.

"besides," he says, quietly, to himself more than anything. "not like it'd work out anyway. we're going to different schools." 

"so you have thought about it!" jimin says as they get into stretching positions. "but you'll both be in the same city, even if the commutes are far you can see each other all the ti-"

jeongguk holds up a hand. "i'm done with this conversation." 

the room quiets as class begins. "fine," jimin whispers to him. "but if you ever need to talk, i'm here for you." 

jeongguk stays silent the rest of the hour, but his mind is reeling. 

not like he'd ever admit it. 

- - - 

taehyung 

hey 

i have a question 

jeongguk 

hiiiiii 

whats up 

taehyung

so about prom 

there's this party happening after 

nothing too big just our friends and people they know 

jiminie texted me about it but i wanted to run it by you 

jeongguk 

oh 

do you want to go? 

taehyung 

kind of?

it's a small get together nothing too big or loud 

like the hyungs and ppl they know 

i think it could be nice before we all go off 

but if you don't want to its okay we can watch a movie or something seriously its not a big deal 

i want you to be comfortable more than anything 

jeongguk 

no no

i think it'll be fun 

i want to go 

taehyung 

really? 

jeongguk 

yeah 

i mean 

i'm graduating in a month and i haven't actually been to a high school party yet 

or had an alcoholic beverage 

taehyung 

lol 

cutie 

there'll be a lot of alcohol don't worry 

jeongguk 

okay 

but you have to show me the ropes 

taehyung 

i will 

i'll take care of you 

it'll be fun 

jeongguk 

haha 

taehyung 

i'll add you to the gc 

- - - 

it's been two weeks, and jeongguk is confused. 

he's been... noticing things. 

"like what?" jimin says, mouth full of fries. they're at the burger place by school, both of them having free periods at the end of the day. it's raining really hard and jeongguk wonders what taehyung is doing right now. playing jazz in his head and looking out the window, probably. his heart thumps fondly at the thought. 

"i mean," he starts. "i don't know. it’s embarrassing. i don't know why i brought it up. sorry." he picks at the tiny bowl of coleslaw on his plate with his fork. he can feel jimin’s eyes. "stop looking at me like that." 

"i wasn't—sorry. it's okay," he says, soft and kind, like jeongguk knows he is. jimin teases him and goofs around and sometimes tells him things he really doesn't need to know, but deep down, jeongguk is really thankful for him. he listens intently and is gentle and warm and genuinely cares. "you know i'm here, though. don't be shy." 

"i know," jeongguk nearly whispers. "thanks." 

a moment passes. jeongguk looks out the window, out at the ever-growing puddles on the street and the cars passing through them. his eyes re-focus and he catches sight of a ghost-like reflection of himself. 

he takes a deep breath. 

"okay," he blurts. "i just...taehyung." 

he’s always been good at brevity. 

"i know him, yes," jimin laughs. "you've been noticing things about taehyung?" 

jeongguk nods. 

"like …. what?" 

and he doesn't really want to say it. doesn't want to say that he's noticed how taehyung tucks his head into jeongguk's shoulder whenever they hug. how he kissed him on the cheek when jeongguk got his english exam score back, and how it made him dizzy. his smile and his new perm and the rings on his hands. how his shoulders scrunch up when he's embarrassed or excited or laughing a lot. how jeongguk had an epiphany, a saturday night after they got milkshakes at 9pm and talked about college and dreams and nostalgia, and realised he hasn't felt this way about anyone, ever, and he's scared to know what that might mean. 

how three weeks of light distance made him feel slightly off, and how the thought of really being apart from taehyung, for the first time since they were six, kinda sorta breaks his heart. 

"do you think--" wow, lol, you're pathetic , "do you think he likes me?" 

and the weird thing is, jimin doesn't look shocked at all. he's not taken aback, and he leans back in his seat and his eyes smile. "why do you ask?" 

jeongguk thinks he might cry. jimin seems to get the picture.  

"y'know, it's okay. i know feelings are scary, and it's hard to come to terms with them, but you shouldn't push them down. it'll make things a lot worse." 

and then something flips. it’s like he leaves his body for a moment and views the situation externally, and it looks a bit ridiculous:  he's sitting in a diner, talking to jimin about possibly liking his best friend — someone he's known for 10 years, through all the awkward puberty stages and the in-betweens — and graduation's two weeks away. 

god, obviously . 

"you know what?" jeongguk's body has a weird wave of goosebumps, almost like he's trying to shake something off. "i shouldn't have said anything. this is stupid. i'm just attaching feelings because i'm desperate for a stupid teen drama high school romance and we're graduating soon and i feel like i've done nothing." 

"wait, no, jeong-" 

"no no, i get it, it's fine. i've been an idiot.” 

jimin's silent. 

"can we go now?" jeongguk mutters quietly. he knows his face is pink. 

"yeah, okay. of course." 

they split the bill. the rain's stopped, and the sun is peeking through the clouds. 

jeongguk wonders what taehyung's doing again. his class is over. 

"for the record," jimin says as they get into his car. "i do think there's something there. on his end. everyone sees it." 

jeongguk's dumb sensitive heart leaps and he imagines a pair of hands pushing it back down. 

"well," he leans his head on the window. "then i guess he's feeling desperate too." 

- - -

jackson

Hey guys so i know some ppl are doing byob but for ppl who can't we’re gonna ask someone legal to get some stuff lmfao 

If you wanna pick from the pool then u can venmo me 10$ or give it to me at school 

Hmu with suggestions if u want specific stuff 

jimin

tequila 

jackson

K so jimin goes hard 

Anyone else 

taehyung

something for the babies 

like if someone has never had a drink

what would be a good starter 

jackson

um idk beer ? hoseok's bringing bud light 

jeongguk

i already know i hate beer and i haven’t even tasted it 

something sweet pls 

jackson 

Wait jk??? Omg YES bro we gonna get u so lit

we’re trying to get Jin to buy us shit too 

taehyung 

kookie is babie 

i hate beer too tho so maybe like hard lemonade or smth 

jimin 

smirnoff ice ??????? + i can bring mixers 

hoseok 

jimin ur a genius 

jimin 

thank you baby 

taehyung 

gags 

- - - 

jeongguk was fine until the night before. 

it's a friday, they were planning to hang out and do face masks but taehyung had a family thing, so jeongguk was left to overthink on his own for hours. it drove him a little insane. he decided to draw something, since he hasn't in a while and it helps to get his mind off of things. of course, taehyung immediately comes to mind, as he has these days. drawing him would be too obvious, so jungkook scrolls through his instagram feed to draw one of the photos he's taken instead. he starts working on one of his favorites, a photo taehyung took of his aunt and uncle’s farmhouse in the countryside.

he's been once before. taehyung had invited him and jimin one afternoon when they were all sixteen. tae's aunt made a lovely picnic lunch with fruit and iced cookies and cucumber sandwiches and mason jars filled with lemonade, and they took it out to the big field and played music and talked.

jimin had to leave after their impromptu soccer game in the evening with taehyung's siblings, but jeongguk's parents were out late so taehyung suggested jeongguk just sleep over. they watched reruns of friends on late night tv, taehyung sleeping on the floor and jeongguk on the couch. they were too tired to say much. after however many episodes, jeongguk was about to fall asleep when taehyung spoke in raspy whisper. 

"hey gguk," he sat up a bit to get a look at the couch. jeongguk's eyes opened, and he remembers how lovely taehyung looked in the blue light of the television. "you're awake?" 

"barely," he said, half asleep, eyes fixed on his fluffy hair. he closed them again. taehyung lied back down and turned off the TV. it was suddenly silent, save for the ticking of the clock in the kitchen.

"i just wanted to say," taehyung said softly, sleepily, gently. "i'm really glad we're friends. i think you're super great." 

jeongguk felt his heart beat hard, slow, sluggish. he kept his eyes closed. he always found it a bit difficult to be affectionate to people, always been someone to show love unconsciously, through actions and not words. but in that moment, in the late night hour, it just fell out of him. 

"me too. i think you're so special." 

and maybe that was the start. 

in reminiscing, jeongguk suddenly really really missed taehyung. 

jeongguk

hi r u home yet 

taehyung 

like 5min 

u ok ? 

jeongguk

yea

just idk. 

miss u 

also i'm kind of panicking for tomorrow 

there's no response, so jungkook picks up his sketchbook again. 

incoming call: taehyung 

“hi, tae.” 

“hey,” his voice is quiet, and he’s a bit out of breath. a door closes, and jeongguk can tell he just ran up the stairs to his room. “sorry, i just got back.” 

“no, it’s okay,” jeongguk says, laying down on the bed. “you didn’t need to rush, sorry.” 

“please. my siblings were being real brats in the car, i’m glad to have an excuse.” 

jeongguk hums. he doesn’t really know what to say now. he was panicking, but he can’t really figure out why. but he does know that he’s really happy to hear taehyung’s voice. he’s not really panicking anymore. 

“are you okay? nervous for tomorrow?” taehyung asks gently. 

“yeah, a little.” 

“for prom or the party?” 

“both, i guess,” jeongguk winces in embarrassment. “i just don’t want to do anything stupid.” 

“you wont,” taehyung says. “i’ll keep an eye on you.” 

jeongguk lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. “okay. thanks.” 

“cool.” 

there’s a comfortable silence for a moment, and jeongguk hears taehyung flopping on his bed. his pillow rubs against the mic. 

“oh,” taehyung says suddenly, casually. “i bought you a boutonniere! your suit is blue, right?” 

jeongguk’s heart drops to his stomach. “i—um, yeah, it is, but...really? a boutonniere?” 

“yeah, did you...did you not want one?” he sounds disappointed. 

“no! no, no, no. i just didn’t expect it,” he’s so awkward, why — “that’s all. thank you. i feel bad i didn’t get you one.” 

“it’s okay! i bought myself one too,” taehyung says. “i just, i don’t know. i thought it’d be cute. is that dumb?” 

“no,” jeongguk says. not dumb. its perfect. you’re so sweet. i love you. wait, no. “it’s nice. it’ll look nice.” 

“cool.” 

taehyung yawns. jeongguk knows his ears are wiggling the slightest bit, and he hates himself for having noticed that detail. recently.

“time for bed?” jeongguk asks, fondly. 

“yeah. m’tired. long day.” taehyung hums. 

“i’m sure. goodnight, then. i’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“yep,” taehyung’s voice is sleepy and soft. “mm. love you. goodnight.” 

“love you too.” 

then the line goes dead. 

jeongguk throws his phone to the side and rubs his eyes hard.

“god, stop it.” he tells his heart. “stop it right now. this isn’t real. it’s not real.” 

he stares at the ceiling for a few minutes and grabs his phone again. 

jeongguk

he bought me a BOUTONNIERE

jimin 

what? 

taehyung? 

oh 

jeongguk 

yes 

what does that mean 

he didn’t do that last year 

we just wore matching ties 

that’s so hereto 

*hetero

jimin 

well

hoseok bought us boutonnieres

jeongguk 

fufffffkckkccccc

maybe he’s just being cute bc its senior year yknow 

go all out 

right 

right jimin 

jimin 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

jeongguk 

help me 

jimin 

ok

so hypothetically 

if he does like you like that 

which i’m not saying he does 

what would you do 

jeongguk doesn’t respond. because he really has no idea. obviously, it wouldn’t work out, with them going to college and all (“in the same city,” a tiny jimin fairy says, appearing on his shoulder), meeting new people and finding new groups and dating and stuff probably. but there’s another part of jeongguk, one he’s trying really hard to surpress, that imagines how it would be if it did. they’d find an apartment, together, right in between both their universities. they’d cuddle and play video games and watch movies and dance like they normally do. but with kissing. and other things. and that thought — where nothing would really change, but at the same time, everything would  — is kind of terrifying. 

he thinks about it as he brushes his teeth, and ignores jimin’s worried texts, and turns off the lights and crawls into bed. and in the moment between consciousness and unconsciousness, where nothing seems to matter anymore, his heart settles. and he knows. 

- - - 

taehyung 

hi good morning ! 

picking u up at 4 

that ok ? 

jeongguk 

yes perfect :) 

see u 

in the hours before, he goes for a run (twice), showers (twice), has his mom blow-dry his hair (“you look so handsome with your hair parted. taehyung will be so—” “ mom , we’re friends, for god’s sake.” “okay, well. i’ll add the shine mist anyway.”) and watches two episodes of gilmore girls. 

taehyung rings the doorbell at 3:55, as he’s muttering mantras to himself in the mirror. 

there’s nothing there. stop being stupid. 

he hears his mom open the door, gushing about how handsome he looks, how they need to get a picture, and asks if he wants something to drink. his head is all chaos, and he pushes and pushes until everything stops. silence. a bit of ringing in his ears. he opens the door and pads down the stairs into the kitchen. 

jeongguk sees the strawberry ramune in his hand before he dares look at the rest of him. he knows there’s a six-pack in the fridge, because he makes his mom buy one every two weeks. because taehyung likes them. but he does too. obviously.

taehyung’s suit is a deep green. velvet. his hair is in soft waves, the result of his perm fading. he smiles warmly when he sees jeongguk, clad in periwinkle grey. jeongguk’s heart skips like, five beats. 

“hi kookie,” he says. the pet name is so platonic that it wipes out everything. 

“hey,” he says back, eyes wandering a bit too obviously. “bro.” 

??????????????

of course, taehyung just plays along. 

“well dude, stop standing there like a dork and come closer,” he says. “bro.” 

jeongguk shuffles over dumbly. taehyung fishes a plastic box out of his bag and begins to gingerly pin the boutonniere on jeongguk’s suit. 

“gardenia,” he says as he does so. jeongguk feels his breath on his cheek. “i thought it was pretty.” 

“it’s so pretty. thank you.” jeongguk mutters softly. taehyung smiles. you’re pretty, he wants to say. he needs to stop watching dramas. 

“kay! now your turn.” taehyung holds out the other boutonniere. jeongguk just begins pinning it on when his mom walks in. 

“sorry, your dad keeps the camera in the strangest — oh, how sweet, you guys!” and the shutter goes off. 

“mom,” jeongguk says, pin between his teeth. “why’d you do that?” 

“you’ll thank me, someday. now go to the backyard for proper pictures.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” jeongguk snorts, unconvincingly. taehyung is silent. 

in the car, jeongguk googles gardenia flower meaning . 

If you want to express your love and devotion to someone but wouldn’t like your identity to be known, the gardenia is the flower to give as a present. It signifies a secret love or an untold love.

he sends a screenshot to jimin. 

jeongguk 

[attachment: 1 photo]

haha look @ this wow what a laugh!!!!!! lol good one Universe

jimin

i have nothing to say  

they go to dinner with jimin and hoseok. a bunch of people are sitting at the tables around them, most of them jeongguk recognises from the after-party group chat and various classes in school. they mingle here and there, and everyone seems nice. they get together and take photos in the park by the venue. 

“psst,” jimin pokes him while another group is taking individual photos.  “taehyung keeps staring at you.” 

jeongguk’s eyes go wide. “what? no, no, no he’s not. why would he be staring at me? is there something on my face?” he rattles off. 

jimin grabs onto both of his shoulders and shakes them gently. “it’s because you look hot , dumbass!” 

jeongguk looks in taehyung’s direction, where he’s mingling with some art and theatre kids, and their eyes catch for a milisecond before they both look away. 

“so?” jeongguk goes into full self-defense mode. “maybe he just likes my suit. ever thought of that, jimin?”

jimin throws his hands up in surrender. “okay, jeez. just pointing stuff out.” he walks away to find hoseok. jeongguk rubs his eyes hard enough to see white, and when he opens them, taehyung is there. 

“hey,” he says, kindly. “you okay?” 

jeongguk blinks. he zooms in on taehyung’s nose mole. “yeah. yeah, i’m fine.” 

“you’d tell me if you’re not, right?” 

and seriously, curse kim taehyung for being the most caring and loveliest boy ever. “of course,” he nods. 

one of the moms calls everyone over for a photo. jeongguk tries not to think too hard when taehyung presses softly against his back, wrapping his arms around his waist. it’s just for the photo, he thinks, but the ghost of tae’s fingers linger long after he lets go, burning deep through his jacket coat and onto his skin. 

-- 

prom is fun, surprisingly. it’s in an art gallery this year, and upon finding this out, taehyung’s desire to go makes immediate sense. it’s in a renovated warehouse, with exposed brick and rooms off to the side where the resident artists sit and paint during the day. they dance with various groups of people and chat with jimin and hoseok over sodas from the bar. when the music gets too loud, taehyung and jeongguk sneak off to the quiet spots. 

“what do you think their story is?” taehyung asks, nose pressed against the window of a studio. they can’t see much, with the only thing illuminating the room being the emergency light in the hallway. 

“um,” jeongguk starts. “well. they’re probably a parent, there are a bunch of stuffed animals in the corner. single parent, maybe? that must be really hard.” 

taehyung hums. “yeah. i don’t think that framed scribble on the wall is theirs, either.” the highly realistic oil painting of a train on the easel confirms his point.

jeongguk takes a moment to observe the details. the room looks well-lived in. he wonders who this person is, where they are at the moment, what their child is like. 

taehyung speaks up softly, shyly. “i hope i have a studio like this someday.” 

jeongguk turns to look at him. he’s still looking through the window, forehead pressed against the glass, eyes shiny and skin warm from the yellow lights. 

“you will, taehyung,” he says, with everything. “i know you will.” 

taehyung reaches down and squeezes his hand, making him jump a bit. “thanks, gguk.” 

the only sound in the room comes from the muffled music and jeongguk's heartbeat in his ears. he clears his throat. “that stuffed tiger in the corner looks like you.” 

taehyung jolts a laugh and gives jeongguk a light shove. “oh, shut up. come on, let’s go dance.” 

they dance. taehyung gets especially excited when the DJ plays a very out-of-place ragtime tune. the dance floor clears pretty significantly, but taehyung and jeongguk dance like they’re in a hallmark film. people cheer around them, but jeongguk barely registers it. it’s over too quickly, and they’re out of energy, so they grab sodas and sit on the floor in the hallway. 

“that was fun,” jeongguk says, flicking his straw back and forth. “and really random.” 

taehyung scrunches his nose and smiles. “i may have an in.” 

jeongguk raises his eyebrows. “with the DJ?” 

“yeah, it’s yoongi. you didn’t see him?” jeongguk shakes his head. he wasn’t really paying attention to anyone other than taehyung, but he’d never admit that to anyone. he forces the thought to the back of his head. “remember he did that insane sound piece at the portfolio show last year?” 

jeongguk remembers. he remembers how cute taehyung looked with huge headphones over his ears, how he gushed about how cool it was after. he remembers taehyung. 

he nods instead. “yeah, he’s really talented. i should go say hi,” he looks down in his lap. “you talk to him often, then?” 

taehyung hums. “sometimes. it’s so cool that he goes to tisch. he helped me with my application and was super nice when i got waitlisted. he offered to host me if i ever visit, so i might go in the fall a few times. but anyway, the student council got him to DJ, i asked a favor. i’m surprised he actually did it.” 

“that’s cool,” jeongguk says. and for some reason, his brain to mouth filter is totally failing. “so...is he gonna be at the party later?” 

you sound jealous. shut up. 

taehyung doesn’t catch it, though. doesn’t seem to, anyway. “i think so. namjoon will, so yoongi probably will too. they’re both really cool. you and namjoon are pretty close, right?” 

“yeah, i helped him out with his campaign posters and stuff last year.” 

“he’s an amazing president,” taehyung says, in awe. 

“i know. can you believe he got our old white administration to approve the gender neutral bathrooms? and he’s like, an incredible writer. his articles in the school paper are always so good. and he’s always so nice to me, even though i just take photos.” jeongguk babbles. he sheepishly takes a loud sip of his near-empty soda cup. 

taehyung laughs, a bit dryly. but maybe jeongguk’s just reading into it too much. “jeez, gguk. you sure you’re not in love with him?” 

jeongguk snorts. “no! no, no.  well, maybe like — a little bit freshman year. but uh, no, not anymore.” 

taehyung swirls the ice in his cup. “ah.” his neck looks like its flushing, but it could just be the lighting. “um, so, do you—“

then hoseok peeks his head out around the corner. 

“hey, we’ve been looking for you guys,” he says, the we including jimin, who comes out from behind him. “i think we’re gonna start heading to jackson’s place. there’s a grocery store on the way and we got jin to come and buy us some drinks. we can change out of our clothes there too.” 

taehyung hums and stands up, holding out a hand out for jeongguk to help him up too. jeongguk can feel jimin’s smug eyes on him. 

“poor jin,” taehyung says as they walk back through the hallway towards the music and the lights. “he turned 21 like six months ago and he probably hasn’t even had a drink himself since he keeps buying them for others.” 

“nah,” jimin scoffs. “once we told him jeongguk was having his first drink, he offered. always did have a soft spot for him.” 

jin was a senior when jeongguk was a freshman -- each of their homerooms got assigned a senior “buddy” to come in every friday, answer all their questions and help them through the awkward first year of high school. all the other classes always complained about how their senior buddy was boring, or didn’t show up, or cringy, but jin was perfect. he made them laugh with dumb jokes, helped them out with homework, and made them so comfortable to the point where they made their own group chat with him (which, 3 years later, is still active). 

but jin is really special to jeongguk. he was shy and quiet at 14, sitting in the corner of the classroom with his headphones in and picking at his fingernails. jin approached him one day during lunch and offered him some potato snack, which led to a conversation about their childhoods, and about being the only korean kids in their suburban neighbourhoods. jin became like a big brother to jeongguk, who was already lonely after his real big brother left for university. he helped him break out of his shell and make friends. they still kept in touch once jin graduated, and with him doing pre-med at the university in the city nearby (in his very own bachelor pad , thanks to savings from in-state tuition) it was easy to host biweekly dinner parties. what started out with just jeongguk turned into jeongguk and jimin, which turned into jeongguk and taehyung and jimin, and then came hoseok, and yoongi and namjoon. and though all seven of them don’t hang out much, with everyone doing their own thing — for those nights, every so often, they just fall into place. it feels like family. 

“oh, ggukie!” taehyung blurts, shaking jeongguk’s arm. “we have to take a photobooth picture together.” 

they’ve made it through the dance floor into the lobby. jimin and hoseok are off in a corner looking at directions on hoseok’s phone, and there’s a stingy photo booth in the corner that looks like it came from an 2011 urban outfitters store. there’s a bin of props next to it that looks completely untouched. 

“taehyung, that’s so--” 

“cheesy, i know!” he’s grinning, and jeongguk rolls his eyes. “look, it prints out two slips. come on. dibs on the monocle.” 

they squeeze in the tiny box, close enough that they’re nearly on top of each other. taehyung insists on the black and white, for the aesthetic , and they make silly faces and smile. for the last photo, taehyung throws his arms around jeongguk and presses their cheeks together. jeongguk is thankful he won’t be able to see the red on his cheeks when they print it out. 

he rides with hoseok and taehyung drives jimin. hoseok asks him if he’s nervous about his first drink, tells him to drink water and be himself. they have a good conversation, upbeat hiphop playing softly through the aux. they speed down a long road that’s lined with trees and streetlights, and jeongguk takes the opportunity to subtly slip the photobooth strip out of his pocket and admire it in the orange light for a second, lips upturned in a fond smile, before tucking it away again. 

- - -

it’s a half hour drive to the supermarket near jackson’s house. 

nobody’s really around aside from a few late-night shoppers, who probably weren’t expecting to see 20 teenagers in black tie show up in the parking lot. 

hoseok parks next to taehyung’s car, and before jeongguk can even take his seatbelt off, taehyung is pressed up against his window. 

“hey,” he says. 

jeongguk rolls down the window. “hi.” he pokes taehyungs nose. 

taehyung ruffles his hair. “i missed you!” 

jeongguk feels hot. “it’s been half an hour.” 

“too long.” 

hoseok snorts from the drivers seat. jeongguk smiles sheepishly. “will you let me out now?” 

taehyung opens the door and holds out his arm. jeongguk links it with his own and they skip across the parking lot and into the store. 

they split when hoseok asks taehyung to help him pick out mixers. jeongguk is in the chips aisle when jimin finds him. 

“okay. he totally likes you.” 

jeongguk stills. “don’t say that.” he spits, shocking himself, since he meant for it to come out playful. 

he’s not looking at him, but he knows jimin is furrowing his eyebrows in worry. 

“just don’t. okay?” he says, serious. he can’t do this. “my head is everywhere right now.” 

“hey guys,” jin comes down the aisle, smiling. he’s got a shopping cart of various drinks and snacks in. “i’ve been looking for you, wanted to see what flavor smirnoff ice gguk wanted.” 

jeongguk doesn’t look up. he’s suddenly very interested in the ingredients list on a bag of cool ranch doritos. 

“strawberry,” he says. not because he likes it, but because he knows taehyung does. unlike the ramune from earlier, something’s shifted, and he doesn’t even have the energy to lie to himself anymore. he tries not to think about what that means. 

jimin grunts. it’s weirdly silent for a moment. 

“okay, the vibes are weird,” jin says, cautious. “what’s up?”

“nothing, i’m fine.” jeongguk huffs.

“he’s having a crisis because taehyung’s—,” jimin catches himself and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “he thinks taehyung’s in love with him and he can’t tell if he feels it too.” 

jeongguk smacks him in the arm. “shut your fat mouth, park jimin.” 

“maybe you’re just putting too much pressure on him,” jin says, throwing some lays in his cart. “literally everyone and their mother ships them, but it’s not cool to try and make it canon or whatever.” 

“no, it’s my fault. i—wait, what ?” jeongguk isn’t sure if he heard that right. “people ship us ?” 

jin’s eyes widen. jeongguk looks at jimin, who shrugs. 

“i...anyway. it’s my fault, i started this in the first place and it’s probably not even valid. i’m just lonely, and my desperate ass is imposing it on poor taehyung because he’s all i got, i guess.” 

jin gives a smile. it’s full of pity. he places a gentle hand on jeongguk’s shoulder. “you know what i think?” 

jeongguk blinks. 

“i think you have your high school romance. i think you’ve had it all along.” 

jeongguk physically winces. he hears hoseok calling for jin across the aisle, and the oldest boy leaves, clearly aware of what he’s done but leaving jeongguk a mess anyway. he brings his hands up to the side of his face and closes his eyes, letting out a frustrated whine. stomps his foot against the linoleum, in case it’ll help all this fall out of him.

jimin lightly wraps an arm around him and brings him into a hug. jeongguk eyes prick with the onset of tears, but he’s not gonna do that. not in aisle 7 of a suburban supermarket. 

“hey,” jimin whispers into his shoulder. “it’ll be fine. just feel.”

so he does.

- - -

they change into t shirts and jeans and hoodies and drive the short distance to jackson’s. jeongguk insists on driving with hoseok again, because he’s not sure if he can handle being in a car with taehyung right now. taehyung doesn’t seem to mind. 

hoseok’s phone disconnected from the bluetooth so the car is silent. they stop at a red light and jeongguk may good at bottling his feelings, but once the cap becomes loose, he can’t hold anything in. ever. 

“hey,” he whispers, before he can think twice. “i think i might maybe possbly like taehyung.” 

hoseok whips his head to look at him, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.  “huh? seriously?” 

the light turns green and reflects on his face. “yo, eyes on the road,” jeongguk says. “wow. do you think it might rain? i think it might rain.” 

hoseok laughs brightly.. “you just dropped such a bomb on me, dude. explain.” 

“there’s nothing to explain. it started like two weeks ago and i had a moment in the supermarket just now,” jeongguk speaks into his lap and picks at his fingernails. “and then when i saw him at the self-checkout it’s like there was a halo around him, suddenly. i dont know.” 

it’s quiet for a moment. jeongguk turns to look at hoseok, and he can tell he’s thinking. 

“are you sure?” 

jeongguk’s heart drops a little. that’s not what he was expecting. and he really doesn’t have an answer. “what do you mean?” 

“i just,” hoseok sighs. “emotions are high right now, gguk. you guys have known each other forever. i don’t think it’s fair to taehyung if you aren’t 100% sure.” 

jeongguk throws his hands up in frustration. “that’s what i’ve been saying . i’ve always wanted my stupid personal high school romance trope, maybe i’m just throwing my feelings on him. he doesn’t deserve that, but i’m—” his voice waves, but he will not cry. “i don’t know how to figure it out. i’m so confused.” 

but: “wait,” he turns in his seat. they’re at a red light again. “you said it wouldn’t be fair to taehyung. do you think...do you think he likes me too?” 

hoseok looks a little guilty, but before he can open his mouth the car next to them honks. jeongguk turns, and it’s taehyung, of course, face illumined in red. his window is down and he blows jeongguk a kiss. luckily the color of the light cancels out how much he’s blushing. he sends a kiss back anyway. 

he still sees the halo. 

before he can think twice, the light turns green and they drive ahead, switching lanes so they’re in front. jeongguk wonders if taehyung can see him through the rearview. 

hoseok makes a right turn as taehyung and jimin drive straight. “where are we going?” jeongguk asks. 

“taco bell? i think you need a baja blast freeze.” 

jeongguk actually tears up a little.

“plus, if you add shots its a great mixer.” 

- - -

jackson’s house is big and modern, in a secluded corner of a fancy neighborhood. there’s already a stream of cars down the street. 

“is it okay if we’re late?” jeongguk asks worriedly as hoseok looks for a spot to park. 

“wow, you’ve really never been to one of these, have you?” he reaches over to ruffle his hair. 

jeongguk rolls his eyes. that’s the second time. he parted his hair nice and now it’s all messy. 

“do i look okay? you and taehyung kind of fucked my hair up. and i’m worried my outfit is too boring.” he’s wearing ripped skinny jeans and a big black t shirt. but he’s got his silver hoop earrings in, so that should do it. 

hoseok parks under a streetlamp and turns to look at him for a moment. “the hair is good. effortless. your thighs look good in your jeans. also, nobody will give two shits,” hoseok says, then waits a moment, seemingly thinking about his next words. “..unless you want someone to?” 

jeongguk groans for the nth time that night. “i don’t know . i don’t know. i need alcohol. probably. let’s go.” he nearly rips his seatbelt off, opens the door and starts towards the house. 

“wait, you forgot your freezie!” 

he stops, huffs, and turns back around. 

jackson greets them at the door, like a gentleman, albeit already a little drunk. his mom is watching tv in the living room. 

“hey guys,” jackson says. “everyone’s in the basement. just take your shoes off please.” 

they head towards the stairs and jeongguk sneaks another look at his mom, who has a glass of wine and waves at him. 

“does your mom know what’s happening?” he asks. 

“oh yeah,” jackson replies. “drinking age in this house is 18.” 

truthfully, it’s pretty chill. there’s a maximum of 30 people, someone’s playing kendrick llamar on the speakers. everyone is spread out on the floor, in some of the side rooms, a few people smoking on the terrace. a group is playing doing beer pong, yoongi and jin among them. 

people are talking on the couches, on the floor. some clearly more drunk than others. there’s people jeongguk doesn’t really know too well, and that makes him nervous. he wants to make a good first impression, but he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see them again, so. 

the first person who approaches him is namjoon. 

“hey jeongguk,” he says, cheerfully. his dimples pop out and his hair is dyed a light blonde. it’s been a while since he’s seen him. the two don’t really hang out on their own often, but when they do, jeongguk always really enjoys his company. “how are you?” 

“i’m okay,” he responds truthfully. “the dance was fun. you guys did great.” 

namjoon flashes a smile. “thanks,” jeongguk’s eyes fall on his dimples, and then his mouth moves again. “you know, taehyung was looking for you.” 

jeongguk hates the way that makes his heart thump. “ hoseok and i went to taco bell.” he holds up his half-finished freezie. “i wanted to wait until i got here so i could put...shots in it, or something, but i couldn’t.” he takes another sip and chews on the straw. 

“ah,” namjoon’s eyes are kind. “you haven’t had alcohol before, right? take it slow. do you want anything right now?” 

jeongguk hums. “i think..i think i’ll wait a bit.” he wants to find taehyung. 

they talk a bit more and namjoon leaves to get another drink. jeongguk spots hoseok in the corner, in a fluffy chair with jimin on his lap, solo cup in hand. yoongi and jin are still playing beer pong, but he doesn’t see taehyung. 

he wanders around, drifting between groups of people. yugyeom from his history class gets him to pour a shot into his freezie. it doesn’t really do much -- his limbs are looser and his chest is warm, but he finishes it off having a conversation with some girls from his homeroom who are definitely much drunker than he is.  

they’re talking about their respective crushes and tinder matches (as a very inexperienced jeongguk tries to relate) when one of them turns to him and slurs, “oh my god, jeongguk, can i just say: you and taehyung are so cute.” 

“yes, yes,” the other squeals before jeongguk processes the words fully. “ugh, whenever he drops you off in the morning i get so jealous. i wish my ex-boyfriends did that. god, i’m so single.” she flops over to learn on her friend’s lap, who strokes her hair lazily. 

jeongguk swallows down the lump in his throat. “guys, you know uh -- we’re not dating. just friends.” 

they both sit up and freeze, wide eyed, before erupting into giggles. 

“that’s a good one, jeongguk.” jeongguk tries to look at her pointedly, but he can feel his eyebrows furrowing into something sadder. is the alcohol hitting already? . 

“wait, amy, i think he’s serious,” the blonde — caroline? — says. amy’s face falls a bit and she leans over to ruffle his hair. again . 

“what--” 

“jeongguk baby,” she says. “it doesn’t seem like your friend knows that.” 

jeongguk’s brain goes into overdrive, and he has to leave. now . 

“sorry, i, um, think i’m gonna get another shot.” he gets up, leaving his plastic cup on the floor with a twinge of guilt.  

“is love even real?” he hears caroline ask as he rushes away. the conversation repeats in his head, over and over, and he needs to make it stop. anything to make it stop. 

“hey!” he goes over to jimin, who’s pouring himself a shot in the guest room. “hey, jimin. jiminie. me too, please.” he tugs at his sleeve, grabs a cup and holds it out for jimin to pour, but jimin just laughs at him. 

“gguk, you’ll puke if you have this straight. start slow, get a mixer or something. where’s taehyung? didn’t he say he would help you?” 

jeongguk groans. “i really don’t—” 

“kookie!” a new voice comes from the doorway. taehyung, of course. jeongguk looks up and immediately regrets it. he’s taken off his oversized crewneck to reveal a a loose striped t shirt, tucked into tight black jeans. taehyung has never worn stripes before, and for some reason, it really tugs at jeongguk’s heart. like, bad.

his hair is fluffy, middle part loosening and falling over his forehead as the hairspray fades away. 

but the worst part comes when jeongguk looks down to the floor, avoiding his eyes. taehyung rushes closer and his feet come into view. one polar bear sock, one strawberry sock. both of which jeongguk bought him for christmas. two years ago. 

and the human brain is an enigma, because in the span of 3 seconds, jeongguk manages to run through every single reason he should not feel this way. he takes those inner hands and shoves his heart down, gives the rational voice in his head a megaphone to shut up everything else, looks up to meet taehyung’s eyes, and feels nothing. 

“hey,” he says back, and taehyung wraps his arm around his shoulders. “was catching up with drama people, sorry. have you had anything to drink? how are you feeling?” he brings a hand to jeongguk’s cheek like he’s testing for a fever. 

jimin coughs. 

“oh, hi jimin,” taehyung says, then turns back to jeongguk. jimin throws back a shot and puts his cup down. “well, bye.” he says something else under his breath but jeongguk blocks it before it enters his brain. 

“just a shot in my baja blast freeze,” he goes back to answer taehyung’s question. “i don’t feel much, i came to get something else. can you help me?” 

taehyung pulls away from him. “first of all, i can’t believe you went to taco bell without me. second,” he reaches down to grab two small silver cans from a pack under the table and hands one to jeongguk. “bud light margarita. strawberry. tastes like soda.” 

“thanks,” jeongguk opens it and has a sip. it really does taste like soda. he downs it all in one go as taehyung watches, confused. 

“jeez,” he laughs. he must notice jeongguk tensing up, because he grabs his hand and squeezes. “come on, lets go find the others. people are fun when they’re drunk.” 

and taehyung’s not wrong. they sit on the couch and listen to girls compliment each other in high pitched voices as the boys play a drunken game of wii tennis on the tv. 

taehyung gets up a few times to join in, or to sit on yoongi’s lap and bother him (or watch yoongi pretend to be bothered). jeongguk joins the compliment war and participates in a TMI round of ‘never have i ever’. by the time they both return to their original spot on the couch some time later, jeongguk is fully tipsy. he rests his head on taehyung’s chest, feeling warm and woozy. taehyung scratches his scalp with soft fingertips and jeongguk hums. 

“i feel nice, taetae.” 

“do you, now?” his voice makes something in jeongguk’s chest twitch. it’s deep. kind of sexy. 

“mhm. r’you gonna finish your margarita?” he asks, pointing loosely at the silver can taehyung left on the coffee table. 

“no, but--” and before he could finish, jeongguk reaches over and downs it, slowly, but steadily, letting the subtle bitterness linger on his tongue. there’s not much left, and the carbonation has flattened. he falls back onto taehyung and traces the stripes on his shirt. 

“you look so cute in stripes.” he babbles. he doesn’t know where that came from. 

taehyung laughs, flushed and nervous. “really? thanks. i wasn’t sure about it when i bought it, but if you like it, then i do too.” he looks down at him, and his eyes are full of love. 

jeongguk’s heart leaps like it’s touched fire. he feels word vomit coming, and he spots jimin in the corner talking to a girl he doesn’t recognise. he stares until the girl leaves, releases himself from taehyung’s grip with a mumbled excuse, and runs sloppily across the room towards him. 

“jimin, jimin, jimin, jimin,” he says, tugging at his sleeve. “lets go get another drink.” he drags them back to the guest room. 

“ggukkkieee,” jimin laughs and flops on the bed. “isn’t being tipsy so nice?” 

jeongguk flops not next to him, but on top of him, and gives him a kiss on the forehead. just because. “yes. so nice. taehyung gave me a strawberry drink and i want another one.” 

“taehyung looks cute tonight, huh?” 

and then, word vomit. 

“minnie. he looks so cute. he’s wearing stripes. stripes . he’s never worn stripes before. i hope he wears stripes every day. earlier i was lying on him and i think i pulled down his shirt a little and i saw his collarbones. and his hair is so fluf-fluffy, and guess what? he told me that he didn’t know if he liked the stripes but if i like it then he does too. what does that mean? does he like me?” he takes a breath so deep his lungs hurt. “help.” 

jimin giggles and rolls across the bed. “that’s so cute!” 

“but what does cute mean , jimin?” jeongguk turns to stare at the ceiling. the fan is spinning and he tries to follow one of the blades but it makes his head hurt a little. 

jin and hoseok come into the room. “oh!! its jimin and jeongguk!!” hoseok yells, flopping onto the bed with them. he kisses jimin’s face over and over. jeongguk moves away and feels a rush of pain to his chest.  must be nice.  he sits up and suddenly feels a lot more sober. 

“hey,” he calls to jin, who’s at the drink table pouring a bright blue liquid into a cup. “pour me a shot?” 

jin looks up at him. “you sure?” 

jeongguk turns around to look at jimin and hoseok again. they’re properly making out now, legs tangled. he turns back to jin, wincing. “two, actually.” 

jin shrugs. “okay. but then we’re going outside to talk.” 

- - -

jeongguk is drunk. like, properly.  

he and jin talked on the balcony, catching each other up on their lives. jeongguk rants a bit about taehyung in stripes again. as they talk, his words tie together, and his body feels a lot heavier in his chair than it was before. 

yoongi and taehyung come out to smoke weed. jin joins in, but jeongguk takes it as his cue to leave. he stands up and nearly falls over. 

“woah,” taehyung catches him by his bicep. the way his hand touches his skin makes jeongguk feel like nobody’s touched him in years. “you okay?” 

“taehyungie,” he pants, desperate. he leans into him and  buries his face into his neck. “you smell nice.” he giggles like a schoolgirl and he vaguely registers the ridiculousness of the noise. 

“oookay,” taehyung says, softly pushing him off. he doesn’t sound very drunk at all, and jeongguk cringes a bit with embarrassment. “go inside. i’ll find you in a bit.” 

jeongguk pouts. yoongi looks at taehyung, eyebrow raised. jin clears his throat. 

jeongguk finds jimin laying on the floor scrolling through his phone. 

“oh, jeongguk!” he says when he sees him. “come lay with me.” 

jeongguk does. the ceiling spins. 

“the world is spinning.” 

“yeah.” 

“hey, jimin, i love you. you’re so cool. always so nice.” 

“no, jeonggukie, you’re so cool. i wish i was you. i love you more.” 

they fire love bombs back and forth for a few minutes. jeongguk closes his eyes for a moment in the midst, and all he can see is jimin and hoseok making out on the bed. his brain (again, an enigma on depressants) morphs the bodies into him and taehyung. he snaps his eyes open again. 

“well, you have a boyfriend. how does that feel? i wish i had a boyfriend.” he turns to look at jimin, who looks like he’s about to cry. jeongguk wants to cry too. 

“i’m sorry. i don’t want to make you feel bad. that’s what i’m afraid of.” 

“no, its okay,” jeongguk says. he reaches over to graze his finger tips along jimin’s nose. “i’m so happy for you.” then he starts crying. 

jimin immediately wraps him up in his arms and rocks him back and forth, albeit not very steadily. “shh, don’t cry, gguk. ggukie. baby. don’t cry. i’m sorry.” 

“why does nobody love me?” jeongguk sniffs. he is vaguely aware of how much of an idiot he’s being, but the alcohol somehow melted the hands on his heart, the megaphone in his brain, and everything came bubbling up at once. 

jimin sits them both up and uses his sweater sleeves to wipe at jeongguk’s red cheeks. “taehyung loves you.”

“he does? really?”

“mhmm.” 

“he loves me?” 

“mmmmmhhmmmm. like really.”

in jeongguk’s drunken state, all his rational thoughts dissolve, and his heart takes that the way it wants to -- drinking it up like its been dry for 18 years. 

jimin gets up to get him a glass of water. jeongguk knows this, but he forgets after he’s gone for a few minutes, and opens the strawberry margarita can he’s been carrying for an hour. for emergencies. he takes a long sip. its sweeter than his first, hours ago. he lets his mind wander to the image of him and taehyung on the bed. taehyung loves you. 

someone sits down next to him. its not jimin. 

“hi love,” taehyung says. his voice is deep, again — something stirs deep in jeongguk’s belly and he feels a wave of nausea. “how many of those have you had?” 

“th-three.” jeongguk hiccups. “ and three shots.” he says it proudly, like he’s trying to impress him by being big boy jeongguk who can definitely handle alcohol and his too-tight balloon of a crush on his best friend. 

“oh, babe.” taehyung makes a worried face. he reaches over to thread his fingers through jeongguk’s hair, which has lost its middle part after all the jerking around. “have you had water?” 

jeongguk flops over to rest his head on taehyung’s knee. “jimin went to get some. d’know where he is.” 

he turns his head so that he’s looking up at taehyung, who looks down at him with gentle eyes. “are you drunk, too?” he asks him. 

“a little bit. mostly high. my tolerance is higher than yours, and i’m driving you home in the morning, remember?” taehyung boops his nose. jeongguk wrinkles it. “bunny,” taehyung says fondly. 

jeongguk stares at him. and stares. he looks at his lips, and pictures them again, in the bed. his tongue feels heavy in his mouth. and then, for a reason he knows in the moment but will ponder over later, he says: 

“if you kissed me right now i’d taste like strawberries.”

taehyung’s face falls. his thigh tenses up, and its not comfortable anymore, so jeongguk sits up. his head whirls. 

“what?” 

“would you kiss me?” jeongguk asks again, tilting his head. he tries to look hot. 

“i--jeongguk.” and even though he’s drunk, his voice tells him all he needs to know. guilt. pity. “i can’t. you’re—-um, you’re like a brother to me. it’d be weird. ha.”

taehyung doesn’t love you. 

it’d be weird.

ouch.

he feels like he’s been hit by a train, doesn’t let himself look at taehyung’s face before he bolts up so hard that his stomach flips. he marches over to jin, who tells him jimin is outside on a walk with some people, and he grabs a blanket to wrap himself in and rushes outside.

there’s a group of people on the front lawn and he spots jimin sitting on the sidewalk with a girl he doesn’t know, but all his social skills turned on  sleep mode two hours ago. 

“ park jimin,” he says, and it’s supposed to come out angry but it comes out muffled and watery instead, weak and shallow in his throat. jimin looks up, shocked to see him but moreso anxious at the state of him. the girl he’s with excuses herself and jungkook plops himself down so hard on the pavement that his ass hurts. he feels like someone put a 50 pound weight in his stomach. 

jimin starts, blades of grass in between his fingers. “gguk, are you —“ 

“you lied,” jeongguk says softly. he’s tired and nothing feels real anymore. suddenly he’s aware of the wetness on his cheeks and it makes him cry more. out of embarrassment or frustration or sadness, he doesn’t know. “you lied to me. why?”

jimin seems a lot more sober than he was half an hour ago. “what? i put the glass of water on the table next to you, i didn’t want to disturb—“

“taehyung doesn’t love me.” 

jimin falters. “oh, babe.”

“he told me—“ and now he’s full on crying, a drunken idiot on the sidewalk with a pink blanket wrapped around him wallowing about an unrequited love he didn’t even know he had. “he said i’m like a brother. w-why doesn’t he love me?” 

“he does—“

“no he doesn’t,” jeongguk says, a little too loudly, and jimin looks around like he’s aware of the volume and surely people are staring but jeongguk is too drunk and sensitive. he sees hoseok out of the corner of his eye, watching with concern. 

jeongguk doesn’t remember much else after that. jimin takes him inside and he can’t stop crying, leads him into a dark bedroom and he falls onto the bed, head in the pillow while jimin strokes his hair. 

“what can i get you, hm?” jimin says, always so sweet and caring. easy to love. “water? pizza?” 

jeongguk knows he should eat something, drink water to flush the alcohol out of his system, but that means dealing with the consequences. he falls into his feelings, subliminally knowing he won’t let himself once he’s sober.

“can you get taehyung?” he asks. right now he just needs a warm body to hug his back and tell him it’ll be fine. his brain is too worn out to realise that his healer is the one hurting him. 

even in the dark, jimin is hesitant. jeongguk can feel it in the silence. “please.” 

jimin strokes his hair, his cheek. “i’ll try.” 

taehyung doesn’t come. the door creaks open a long while later and its namjoon.

“hi,” he says. the room is dark and his silhouette is illumined from behind him. “looked like you need a friend.” 

jeongguk cries again, silently this time, the tears falling sideways onto his pillow. he sniffs and is humiliated by how clogged his nose is, but his ability to care is terribly hindered. 

namjoon sits there for a while, delicately threading his fingers through jeongguk’s hair. jeongguk can see taehyung’s socks from the crack between the door and the carpet. 

he’s not really drunk anymore, just tired. as he fades into sleep, he wonders if namjoon can feel the sadness dripping from him, like ink, staining the fancy white sheets underneath him. 

- - -

they all go to the local waffle house for breakfast in the morning. jeongguk rides with seokjin, who doesn’t do hangovers and can drive just fine. he sits as far as he can from taehyung, next to jimin, who is understanding and doesn’t pester him about anything. he gets a yogurt bowl but barely touches it. namjoon sends him worried glances from his spot across the table, mouthing: you okay? and jeongguk, too exahusted to lie, shrugs.

taehyung comes up to him in the parking lot, standing farther away from him than he normally would to speak, like jeongguk will break if he takes a step closer. 

“hey, i—um, yoongi’s gonna drive me home. i didn’t sleep and i don’t think i can drive.” jeongguk can’t really look at him properly, out of pure humiliation, but his voice on its own is dull and tired. “i gave jimin my keys. he’ll take you since you -- uh...” since you drank way too much and embarrassed yourself and likely can’t drive at all either. 

“i get it,” jeongguk interruppts him a bit too coldly, squinting partially because of the blinding sun but mostly so that his view of taehyung is obstructed. “i’ll see you.”

he sleeps on the drive home, eyes closed since the moving road ahead makes him nauseous. he pretends he’s on a cloud and not in taehyung’s car. the photobooth strip from the night before burns a hole in his pocket. 

- - - 

his parents don’t really question anything, thank god, and he’s able to trudge straight up to his room and pass out for several hours. he wakes up at 4pm to three text messages, one from namjoon, two from jimin, zero from taehyung. 

namjoon

[2:31] Hey, just wanted to see if you’re doing okay. I’m here if you want to talk

jeongguk doesn’t, but it makes him smile anyway. he makes a note to respond properly later. namjoon deserves more than his fuzzybrain. 

jimin 

[12:43] hope ur okay :( call me later 

[3:20] are u awake yet 

jeongguk 

yeah 

i feel like butt 

jimin

:( 

have you talked to taehyung?

jeongguk

god no . i don’t think i can ever show him my face again 

i’m so humiliated 

jimin 

well you can’t avoid him forever there’s grad rehearsal on tuesday and ur both sitting in the same row 

jeon and kim 

jeongguk 

. 

[voice message: 0:10] 

jimin 

can you warn a guy before you scream into a mic.  i was wearing headphones 

jeongguk eats a bagel for dinner, scrolls mindlessly on his phone for two hours, and goes back to bed. 

he wakes up at 3 am and sends a polite response to namjoon, who responds again, and then suddenly they’re having a really good conversation. namjoon gives him advice, reassuring him that it wasn’t that bad and people have done worse. like throw up in the sink or order dildos through jackson’s amazon alexa. he tells jeongguk its okay to feel Things, that he needs to let himself feel Things, but he knows that if he lets himself he’ll really break. 

it’s not some tiny crush at this point. he slept through his hangover and the moment he came back into consciousness, he knew. it was three years, probably more, of pent up admiration that stacked up like jenga blocks and came crashing down all at once. 

- - -

after the talk with namjoon, he refuses to think about that night. but the feelings stay, through the instagram story taehyung posted lip syncing to a one direction song in his car, through the marvel buzzfeed quiz he texted jeongguk at five in the morning, through seeing him at the graduation rehearsal in a vintage t shirt and blue jeans and feeling like he’s been hit by a truck. 

they make eye contact once or twice, over the few people separating them. one of which being namjoon, who gives him a kind eye and a dimpled smile. taehyung turns around quickly, returning to a conversation he’s having with the artsy kid in front of him. 

afterwards, taehyung comes up to him and asks if he wants to get lunch. jeongguk says yes, but asks jimin to come as well, who refuses. they walk to the parking lot in mostly silence, cracking a few muzzled jokes here and there about the principal’s pronunciation of their names. an elephant sits in the backseat of taehyung’s car and it stinks. bad. 

its not until they’ve ordered burgers and shakes and fries to share that taehyung says something. 

“are you okay?” he says, fiddling with his order ticket in his hands but looking at jeongguk sincerely all the while. 

“hm? what do you mean?” jeongguk replies dumbly, knowing he’s blushing like a freak. 

taehyung catches him, of course. he raises his eyebrows tentatively. “you...youknowwhatimean.” 

clearly neither of them want to have this conversation. taehyung is nervous and fidgety at the thought of having to reject jeongguk’s advances, and jeongguk just wants to let go of all those feelings and pretend they never existed. so, he does taehyung a favor. 

he sits straight in his stool, even though there’s no back to rest on. “can we just...not talk about it?” he says. taehyung’s eyes widen slightly. “like. just forget anything happened. please.” 

the silence that comes after is too heavy, too long, and awkward. which it rarely is, when it comes to them. 

the staff calls out their order number. taehyung whips his head, looks back at jeongguk quickly, spits out a quick yeah, yeah. we can do that and walks quickly to get their food. 

he brings them back, commenting on the little squirty tips on the ketchup and mustard bottles. they begin an art competition using their patties as the canvas. 

and that’s it, really. 

- - -

graduation goes by fast. jeongguk doesn’t even remember leaving his seat but he somehow has a diploma in his hand. but if he said that he didn’t remember every movement, every flicker of the eye, every smile taehyung had when he walked across that stage, he’d be a big fat liar. 

and taehyung goes across the stage twice, actually, winning one of five character medals for being an all around wonderful person, who does kind things like run food drives and read books to kindergardeners. so many people love him, as heard by the thundering applause and cheers all around jeongguk. he’s lucky to love him, to be his best friend and have that be reciprocated. it would be selfish to ask for more when taehyung only gives, and gives. 

their parents take their pictures for twenty minutes, faces squished together in the garden at the front of the school. hobi and jimin join in for one, and jeongguk manages to get namjoon in, too. jin and yoongi find them later and insist on a septet selfie,  which jin takes as the mom friend of the group. 

they all go to lunch at namjoon’s house, their families all invited along with mutual friends and their families. everyone mingles, answering questions about college and future careers that they've prepared bullshit answers for. jeongguk steps away at one point to grab a soda and take a moment to recharge his introverted brain, leaning against the patio railing and grazing over at his friends and family. taehyung glows in the middle, having a very animated chat with jimin’s younger brother, his halo as bright as ever. 

- - -

the summer is as it should be. the high of graduation sets off a string of garden parties in landscaped backyards, fading into drive-thrus and late night movies and get-togethers with people jeongguk wishes he got to know better. taehyung is always there. they spend nearly every waking moment together, probably double the time they spent in previous years combined. jeongguk blames it on pre-college clinginess, ignores the quiet tapping of the but, but, but trapped against the far edge of his brain. 

[pause]

[fast forward]

[play]

“jeongguk?” 

jeongguk blinks. 

“sorry. i...spaced out a bit.” 

he realises that he’s been standing this whole time, jacket in hand. he puts it back on the back of taehyung’s desk chair and let’s his jelly-like legs collapse underneath him. taehyung silently lifts himself off of the bed and sits in front of him on the carpet. 

they just stare at each other for what feels like many, many minutes. taehyung looks like he’s trying to search for something in jeongguk, staring intensely in a way that jeongguk usually tries to avoid, because it scares him, but now he can’t stop staring back. 

until taehyung looks away and whispers, hoarsely: “can you say something? because i’m really worried i’m making all of this up in my head.” his eyes are glassed over. 

and then, like an idiot, all he musters out is, airily: “six months?” 

taehyung sighs and rubs his face with his hands. “yeah. my birthday, actually.” 

jeongguk says nothing, but furrows his eyebrows a bit to signal him to explain. like a single question mark. he wants to know, not because it would fuel his ego at all, but just because he’s in complete utter disbelief as to how and when and why someone like taehyung would like someone like jeongguk. 

taehyung looks away again, sucking his lip into his mouth like he does when he thinks too hard. jeongguk follows his eyes to the painting on the wall next to his door. it’s an oil painting of taehyung’s grandma’s strawberry farm in korea. a 10 year old taehyung stands in the field. “the present you gave me. i can’t imagine how long that took you. it’s so beautiful, and i was probably pretty casual when you gave it to me but as soon as you left i sobbed on my bed for like, an hour. and then, somewhere in the middle of it all, i couldn’t really think of anything except like ‘wow, i...really love him’,” his voice trails off on love and jeongguk swallows the lump in his throat. 

“and then a month went by, and two months, and six, and every time i looked at it that’s the only thing that went through my head. and even when i didn’t look at it, like that one time i threw it in the closet to try and see if it was some kind of...i don’t know, sympathy complex...to test if it was real, or whatever, even during that, it’s all i could think about. in school, when we hung out, when i drove you home from dance practice and you were gross and sweaty and your shoes stank up the car. it’s all i could think about.” 

“and then prom happened and i--i just felt so bad. i felt so bad leaving you there in that room by yourself but i would have been so disgusted with myself if i took advantage of you like that. i thought you didn’t mean that stuff, and i couldn’t bear the thought of making things complicated right before we left. so i said that thing about you being like a brother mostly just to convince myself which was fucking stupid and a lie — and then you said you didn’t want to talk about it, and i just — don’t know. i thought i was doing the right thing. but it’s been getting harder to keep it together lately and then you talked about wanting to kiss someone and i said something stupid and now we’re here, so.” 

jeongguk is speechless, his mind short circuiting. taehyung is still staring at the wall. 

“sorry for the ted talk.” he mumbles, with a shaky sigh. his eyes are closed now and his face is pale. 

a dam breaks in the back of jeongguk’s brain. he takes a deep breath, and the words tumble out. 

“i… it’s funny, i didn’t totally get what you meant when you said how that was the only thing going through your head but it’s literally all i can think about. right now.” taehyung’s head whips around so hard that his hoodie strings hang over his shoulder, eyes wide, lips parted.  “and you know i’m not like, super sentimental with my words but i really really do. l-love you. that is. a lot. so much.” 

he takes a moment to look at taehyung, who’s looking at him sparkly-eyed, with a dopey smile and so much love on his face. and jeongguk believes him wholeheartedly. 

“i’m sorry it took me so long, and for being weird about prom. i guess i was just trying to figure out, like you said, if it was … real or not. but it very much is. i was scared that it was just desperation, longing for that whole...high school romance butterflies thing everyone talks about. and i was afraid that i was just throwing my feelings on you because you’re kind of magnetic to me, in that way.” his words speed up, falling out of him like pieces of something that’s shattered after bearing so many cracks for so long. “but that’s… not it at all. i think my heart was just tired of my stubborn ass pushing it down. for h-how long, i..don’t know. i can’t tell. maybe since prom, maybe since forever. i’m just glad i’m here now.” 

jeongguk blinks and his eyes are maybe because he hasn’t blinked for a full two minutes in fear of missing a single second of looking at taehyung’s sweet face in reaction, or because he’s just dumb and emotional. his heart throbs and he looks into his lap, rubbing under his eyes furiously. 

“so just kiss me,” jeongguk mumbles hoarsely. “please.”

it’s silent again for a moment, and then taehyung’s knees are shuffling against the carpet, shadow of his figure beneath the streaming sunlight blending with jeongguk’s. a delicate finger reaches under his chin, tilting it up so that they’re facing each other completely, but jeongguk’s doesn’t open his eyes, because this is it. this is it, and he’s afraid that when he opens his eyes, taehyung will be back across the room against his bed, eating pizza and calling him bro and this will all be some sort of pineapple induced hallucination. 

“hey,” taehyung whispers closely, and it’s so loving , so tender, and jeongguk opens his eyes. 

it’s not like it is in the movies. jeongguk’s lips are clumsy and he’s not sure what to do with his hands, but his heart glows and taehyung’s smile against his own feels like it belongs there. 

he’s not sure how long they kiss for, but when taehyung pulls back his vision is blurry, his room bathed in golden light from the late summer sunset. 

“why are you crying?” 

“i don’t know, i--,” jeongguk wipes his eyes with his hoodie sleeve, embarrassed. “i guess i didn’t realise how badly i wanted this.” 

taehyung kisses him again. jeongguk falls into him.

and god, how wonderful it is to feel.