Work Text:
To: Spock
I’m okay now.
That’s what I’m supposed to say I guess.
But I can’t. I can’t lie to you ashaya.
I’m a mess. I’m a fucking mess.
You know that feeling you get when you’re so depressed your whole body seems to hurt? It’s all I feel now.
I miss you so much. It’s been almost a year and I can’t stop thinking about you. I just can’t let you go. What can I do to let you go!? I’d give everything to stop feeling like this.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Spock.
I need you.
Every breath I take hurts like hell.
What happened to those illogical promises we made? WHAT HAPPENED?
“I will always be there for you T’hy’la”
BULLSHIT!
I NEED YOU AND YOU’RE NOT HERE FOR ME!
YES I DID FUCKED IT UP BUT I APOLOGIZED A MILLION TIMES.
I TRIED TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU ASHAYA. I DID AND YOU KNOW IT.
And now… you won’t even take my calls.
I was and idiot for breaking up with you.
“Please come back.”
That’s what I kept repeating every night I cried myself to sleep.
The stars don’t shine the same way without you.
My world is not the same without you.
I miss those pointy ears and eyebrows.
Your eyes that would smile at me.
God, just to see you would be enough, but you won’t let me.
Fuck my eyes are so fucking blurry from the tears I can barely see the pad.
Spock. Spock. Spock.
I still love you after all this time ashaya. I love you with every part of my body and soul.
I love you.
I hope she makes you happy even though that’s illogical for you I guess.
I hope she laughs at your weird Vulcan humor.
I hope she loves you and respects you like you deserve ashaya.
I hope she doesn’t fuck it up like I did.
You deserve the best. Hell you deserve the whole universe ashaya.
I’m sorry I broke your heart thanks to my insecurities.
I didn’t deserved you so I had to set you free.
It wasn’t my intention to make you feel unworthy; I wanted the best for you I swear.
I just hurt both of us.
Uhura is a lucky woman to have you ashaya.
I’m sorry but I just can’t take it anymore love.
I only sleep thanks to Bones hypos and it’s not even 5 hours daily.
I can only hope that after you see this you'll at least forgive me.
I love you and I miss you Spock. Please don’t forget that.
Don’t forget me, please.
Yours forever, Jim.