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She loves Koutaro fiercely. Enough to know that she would do anything for him. Including, taking this painful step for his sake. Though it really might not feel like it though. The Spring tournament was over. Complete victory might’ve made this easier but maybe it wouldn’t and in the end it didn’t matter. Even so used his loss to procrastinate her decision. Telling herself she couldn't possibly do this to him right now, soothing him with kisses and sports drinks among the occasional treat. Until he bounced back from this loss.
That’s when she realized she was only prolonging the inevitable and that this would only be more excruciating the more she dragged it out. So she distanced herself in every sense of the word.
No longer rushing to answer his texts and definitely not taking the initiative to text him even a stupid image she found amusing. Leaving school quickly so she wouldn’t run into him and giving him vague excuses when she had to. All these sorts of things so perhaps the blow would be lessened if she behaved coldly now.
The longer this went on however, the worst she felt about everything. Which was somewhat amusing in a cruel way, she spent so long prolonging this only to find herself rushing it out in the end. But at last, the time has come she reasoned.
Hands in pockets she trudged to school. It was still chilly, but warmth would thaw the remnants of Winter till Summer finally came. Everything really did pass, and eventually she would be nothing more than a memory overwhelmed by the true beauty of a love that transcends everything. That was the promise of a soulmate.
“Hey!” She stopped, turning to the voice against everything telling her to keep aloof. “Hey! Hey (F/n)!” It really hadn’t taken him long to use her name, yet this time might be the last time she hears him say it. Something about that sends shivers down her spine, and not the good kind.
He stops in front of her not out of breath at all, but doing some stretches to ease his muscles. Well, no time like the present she decides. Clenching her hands in her pockets and steeling herself for this.
“You know I’m not really good at uh beating around the bush so I’m just gonna ask, have you been avoiding me?” Right to the point, not giving her time to ease into it. Then again, she had expected that.
“Yes-”
“Tell me what I did and I’ll apologize for it! I’ll make it up to you, just don’t be mad at me anymore (F/n) I can’t stand it when we fight.”
“Bokuto.” Sharp eyes that sometimes seem like liquid gold focus on her without any of the prior casualness. This was serious and now he knew it because she hasn’t used his last name in a while. Now she has his attention completely. “There won’t be a next time Bokuto.” She begins, but he interrupts scratching his head.
“I don’t get it, sounds like you’re breaking up with me.”
“I am.” No speeches like she sometimes planned, no explanations yet just these two words settling between them.
“Wait, wait, just wait a moment. I don’t get it. I mean I do, but why? We’re fine. What did I do?” He steps closer and she steps back so he stops. For now her expression is cool. She hopes…
“What’s there not to get Bokuto?” This time she looks away with a shrug. “It’s simple, it’s time.”
“Time? For-”
“This is nice and well for high school kids, but we’ll be graduating in days. It’s time we went our ways.” He’s frowning, but likely processing everything she’s saying as he thinks. “You have the mark don’t you?” Immediately he tenses, darts his eyes to the side as he tries to deny it.
“It’s ok, I do too.” Once again those sharp golden eyes lock onto her but this time there is no deception to her words, and he can tell.
“...you’re breaking up with me because of the soulmate mark?” This should be a definite absolute, and yet when Kotarou says it, it only sounds like an excuse. Her lip quirks into a short lasting bitter smile. This is why it has to be her who does it, only she can carry through with this bitter part right now.
“We can’t go against it.” Everything would suddenly become damn near impossible for them and she knows he knows this too. Even society shunned fools who stubbornly ignored their soulmate mark…. Unless there were exemplary conditions of course but even then.
“You have your future to think about.” She continues and this time she’s also genuine. “Volleyball isn’t over for you and you’re gonna go far with it. As far as you can go but not if you go against the mark. Sponsors, recommendations, everything will go down the drain and for what?” For me? Like hell. “You can’t throw away your future for a fling.”
Another silence settles between them as he thinks, as they both do. “So you’re saying you’re doing this for my sake.” He didn’t sound mocking as he spoke. No, Kotarou likely understands the truth in her words, the shrewd reasoning to them.
“Not because you want to, but because of the mark, and my future right?” Shit. she has to think and think fast because she can already feel where this is headed to. “If you’d said because you didn’t want me holding you back. Then I would’ve agreed, left with a broken heart sure but I wouldn’t have stood in your way.” She knows, she knows this well and that’s why she’s steeling her nerves once more. Even as Koutaro steps closer to her, and she steps back, once again until her bookback is pressed against a stone fence.
“But if you’re gonna leave it up to me then I don’t wanna break up, not even cause of the mark.” Like. Hell . Words were beautiful but what would they be when reality came crashing down around them? When he didn’t get to fulfill his passion? Or when a faint figure manifested in front of them in flesh and blood?
“And neither do you, do you (F/n)?” Words weren’t gonna get them through the hell that came with denying the soulmate mark. She knows this, it’s why she looks away before she gets swept into those golden eyes like she always does. And yet, she doesn’t protest when his arm wraps around her waist. Or when his hand tilts her chin towards him.
She makes a noise when his lips finally press on top of hers, true, but it’s quickly muffled by him as he deepens the kiss. Too late. She thinks even as she tries to find it in her to resist. Koutaro is a passionate kisser when he’s emotional. Kisses after a game have always left her breathless, and her body remembers. It’s why she’s also moving her lips, but a stubborn part of her also thinks that this might be a farewell kiss. Even though she should know better.
Finally he breaks away to kiss her cheek, and she feels more than sees it. A bitter tear on his own cheek falling down. A shudder racks through her as she finally gives in. Wrapping her arms tightly around him, pressing her body into his as apologies flow from her lips.
He doesn’t waste time in returning the embrace. Nuzzling into her neck as he loved to do. With vacant eyes she stares at the sky as she rubs his back through the shudders.
“It’s alright Kou.” She finally says. Closing her eyes as she continues to hold him. Maybe one day they would have to part ways. A person of flesh and blood would manifest where before there was only a vague idea, and one or the other would have to step aside for the true love to sweep into their lives. But that didn’t have to be today, right now.
Koutaro was right, in a way she was only doing this to protect herself from an inevitable future. But what was she missing out on in the end? “You’re alright Kou, I’m sorry.” He gives her a final heartfelt squeeze as he pulls away. Pressing a quick kiss to her cheek as he moves to stare at her.
“I don’t wanna break up (F/n).” Gently bitter feelings make her throat constrict even as her lips are pulled into a softer smile. She didn’t either. “Not now, not ever.” She’s seen it before, and knows eventually under the right circumstances that won’t hold true but she doesn't argue anymore.
“Ok Kou, we, we should probably talk more about this though.” He nods, still somber, as he continues to stare at her. His sharp eyes likely don’t miss the shake to her hands as she moves her bookback to dig around in it. “Here,” she says as she hands him two things. A tissue and a protein bar. In a flavor he likes. “Good luck in practice today.” Though they were graduating soon, though the tournament was over, Koutaro still practiced diligently if only because it was fun. It was one of the things she liked about him.
A smile is returning to his lips as he takes both things from her hands. “Thanks!~” He doesn’t try to hide his remaining tears as he wipes them with the tissue, and in typical Koutaro fashion he blows his nose loudly before stuffing the tissue in a pocket of his jacket.
For her part she hasn’t quite recovered yet. Thoughts about the mark still race through her mind, one of the more morbid ones being if she could burn it off. Her cheeks are cupped and he presses a final heartfelt kiss to her lips. “Don’t think too much (F/n)! We’ll get through this.” Would they really though?
“Alright! I’m gonna do a hundred spikes today!” It wasn’t as though he was able to put this away completely but Kou had a talent to enjoy himself no matter what. He jogs a couple steps away from her. “I LOVE YOU (F/N)!” There weren’t a lot of people around but either way his confident declaration startled her.
“Kou! ...I love you too!” He pumped his fist in the air then ran back to the school most likely. Going against the mark should’ve been a preposterous idea to even entertain. And yet, why was it that with Kou by her side she could consider doing it?
She had one of his favorite cakes ready. Even though they weren’t in the mood for snacks. Well, at least she wasn’t. Kou looked at ease in her bedroom but that had always been the case. Sometimes, she wondered if there was nothing that made him nervous, but she knows that isn’t fair to him.
“I totally could’ve done it though, but Akaashi had to go to class and no one else wanted to toss to me.”
“I know Kou, heck I bet you could even hit a thousand spikes in a day if you wanted to.” He loved it when she played along like this but she really meant her words though.
Maybe they could’ve carried on like this for the rest of the evening. Until he had to go back home and the mark would’ve stayed buried for some more time. Only, Kou’s golden eyes settled on her, showing her that he meant business.
“(F/n). I meant what I said earlier, mark or no mark I don’t wanna break up with you… Not until you find your soulmate but even then I won’t hand you over if he’s a jerk!”
She shudders, feeling the raw affection in his words. She was well and truly loved by Kou. Her hands move to the button on her blouse. “...I want to show you my mark Kou. I feel it’s easier to show than to explain.”
Though her hands trembled she unbuttoned her shirt quickly enough. After that came pulling up the cami till it rested just beneath her bra. All of this was over in seconds because she couldn’t bear prolonging something so suspenseful anymore.
Her mark covered the better part of her abdomen, it hadn’t always been so big. Since she had been born with the mark however, it had time to spread over her body. As if an unknown person had been claiming her since birth.
Kou had been solemn for these past few seconds, but upon seeing the expanse of her mark his eyes widened, but he blinked rapidly, hands moving to grab her sides without any hesitation.
“(F/n)! This is incredible!” He didn’t sound dejected in the least. If her movements had been shaky but quick, the way Bokuto tossed off his shirt was graceful and fast. “Look!” Nothing else was uttered as an explanation but this oddly gleeful exclamation.
He turned his back to her in another fluid movement and then she understood. That graceful design was so incredibly familiar because she’s seen it constantly in the mirror. Like two golden wings spreading on his back where hers seemed to hug her torso.
“Isn’t this incredible?! We don’t have anything to worry about now! Heck we could even get married tomorrow if we wanted to! (F/n)?”
Before he could turn around she hugged him. Resting her head on his back as she held him with a fierce grip. Kou only laughed. One of his hands automatically reached for hers. Lifting her head she started to press kisses to his back to the mark that now bound them together.
“Ahaha!~ I bet you’re real glad we didn’t break up today aren’t you?~” She answered by pressing more kisses on his back until he squirmed. “Wait, wait! That tickles (F/n)!”
He squirmed out of her grip to twist around and face her. The devilish grin he had freezing when he saw her unshed tears. Quickly lifting her hand to rub them away she smiled at him. “I’m just happy Kou.” This really had worn her out more than she thought.
Calmer, his hands circled her waist as he took in her mark once more. This time he rested his head on her chest as he hugged her tightly.
“I guess I made a bigger fuss over this than I needed to.” She admitted at last.
“Nah, you were thinking logically about this for both our sakes. Nothing bad about that.” They were so incredibly lucky this had worked out the way it did. That’s what she felt as she rubbed his scalp gently, still relishing in the overwhelming relief of the situation.
“But you know.” He pulled away from her, looking up at her with those big eyes of his as he spoke. “I had a feeling about you (F/n). I thought it was love at first sight but maybe it’s always been this.” He spoke as he moved his hands over her mark. “Telling us we were meant to be together.” ….Now that she thought about it, Kou always did move by instinct.