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I’m gonna be desperate…
Shadow eyed the creature down in the disgusting bowels of the ARK. It screamed and writhed in filthy water, it howled in pain as the machine strapped to its back kept it alive. Kept it going. It couldn’t die. It wouldn’t die.
But it didn’t refuse to die. Someone else did. Someone else refused on the creature’s behalf. Against its will. Something Shadow understood now. All too well.
Never Lose.
He heard it scratch in his skull, felt the way it made him gag. That creature heard it too. In the next moment its pain ceased, and its torment silenced. It lunged for Shadow, toothless maw gaping, demanding sustenance from something. Anything. It couldn’t eat. It couldn’t chew. It starved to death, but it wouldn’t die.
Hurry.
Shadow just barely escaped its thrashing, its horrendous desperate attacks. As its mouth reached for him, so too did its tail squirm and slam and smash. Like a snake, it had him surrounded, trying to constrict itself around him, trying. Trying. Trying.
NEVER LOSE.
Eat something. Anything. Anything. Make it stop. Make the pain go away. Nothing works. Listen to the voice. The voice will give you what you want.
It roared, stomping its feet through brown water like a seizure. Shadow couldn’t get close, couldn’t get away. The ARK’s bowels were huge and empty with plenty of room to maneuver, but it only worked against him. The liquid slowed his movements, ruined his skates. The creature created ripples, nearly tidal waves of filth as it raged, throwing Shadow off his balance ever more.
HURRY.
He gave into it. Just like the beast. Just for a moment. It saved him. The monster gulped down a mouthful of yellowish liquid. It drank and swallowed desperately, hoping for some kind of morsel, hoping for anything. Nothing. Still this filth. Still this hollow hole in its stomach.
Shadow could understand it far too well. They were one in the same. It wasn’t long ago he was in the poor thing’s same place. Although… as he trekked and tripped through the viscous liquid, he wondered if they were still any different.
I believe in my future, farewell to the shadow,
No. That wasn’t him anymore. His chest burned. He inhaled sharply. Felt the stench of this creature’s bowels fill his nostrils.
It was my place to live, but now I need your hand.
He allowed himself to think of her once more. To dream. Maria. The girl who gave him reason to live. The girl who gave him permission to die. Her kindness, her warmth, it was all he had.
Lead me out with your light, I have breathed in
That wasn’t right. She wasn’t all he had. Maria wasn’t his. Maria was never his.
The disgusting air of darkness, but I never lose out.
Shadow’s movements slowed. His chest hollowed. The creature struck, nearly killing him.
Maria was never his. Maria never knew him. Maria never cared for him. How could she? They had never interacted. It was nothing more than a sick dream, nothing more than a nightmare to some old man.
To the pressure, everything’s just like
An illusion. I’ll be losing you before long
And it hit him again. A miscalculation. A misstep. It was all it took. That ultimate life form wouldn’t be so kind to another struggling with its perception of self. Its tail flailed and hurled Shadow through the dark waters. It sent him sprawling, gasping, drowning. He sputtered and coughed, desperate to get the taste of filth out of his mouth, out of his mind.
Never lose.
Ignore it. Shadow stood up. He ignored his wounds. Ignored the bile at his throat. He had to. There was no choice this time. The creature was rushing for him again, but he knew its mind. He knew its thoughts. With a dash, he climbed up its horrible limbs and struck the device at its back with all his might.
He heard her voice. He allowed himself to hear it once more. Just one more time. He needed it. He needed to hold onto that memory, that illusion. Just once more. Even if it made him nothing more than a mindless lizard, starving to death in a cage, if he could use it just this one last time. He could do something. Something. Something for himself.
Hurry.
He heard the voice and he obeyed. But not for its sake. No. Not for Gerald Robotnik. Not anymore. He knew whose voice was truly in his mind, who was truly pulling at his strings. He had always known, but he could never admit it. But for now. For now. One last time he would allow it.
Never lose…
Maria’s voice pierced through the darkness, through the grime, the blood, the bile, the stench. It was not truly hers. He knew. He always knew. But he needed it. If he could just use this… if he could use this illusion, this twisted darkness for his own benefit…
Hurry…
He struck the creature again. It couldn’t understand. It couldn’t keep up. He knew what it was going to do. It should have known what he would do! It should have been able to follow! But in its fog, it could not see. In the muck and the bog of its mind, it could not think.
Shadow held onto himself. He allowed consciousness to breathe in his chest. Although the illusion, the emptiness, the pain stabbed into his chest, tore into his mind, he could not look away again. He couldn’t let it take him, but he couldn’t run away from it.
I never lose my confidence.
And that… that was who he was, wasn’t he? He would never be able to escape the doctor’s grasp, his invading thoughts, his invasive fingers. They were a part of him. They would always be.
I know you’re supporting me
His own self. So weak. So timid. That was who he truly was, was it not? Needing. Needing her voice. Needing memories of her. That was who he was without the doctor’s influence.
Supporting me…
Her voice was growing fainter. Fainter. But he held onto it. For a moment longer, for just one more lingering moment. He needed her. As he struck the beast once again, he heard her voice, felt the warmth of her memories envelop him. Even in this cage. Even if it was fake.
…supporting me…
The Biolizard howled and shrieked in its unfathomable pain and anguish. Nothing could save it. Nothing. The doctor. Maria. Shadow. Nothing. Even as it yearned for death, it still desperately clung to its life, terrified of what will come. What will happen to it? A machine, an experiment, so twisted and wrong. What would death mean to something that should have never lived in the first place?
Shadow shook his head. His chest heaved again. The world around him was disgusting. The walls were rusting over, oozing with malice and hate. Everything was finally becoming clear. He was finally able to understand, to know himself. But still.
Still.
What she meant to him. What those memories meant to him.
I’ll be losing you before long…
They would vanish. They had never truly been anyway. How can you lose something you never had? And when he lost her, when she was truly gone…
What would happen to Shadow?
The creature collapsed into a pitiful heap. There was nothing left of it, nothing left inside of it. Without Maria, without the doctor, it succumbed to its hunger, to its pain.
Something bored into Shadow’s chest, eating him from the inside. Emptiness. Like a hole inside him. Yet it was so heavy. It threatened to pull him down into the depths of that filthy water.
He walked up the stairs of the fake shrine. Step by step. Each movement his own.