Work Text:
The image of the young man he sees in the mirror most certainly looked better at times. His face is too tired, his hair too long. He can't cut it down, though. Not after the last time the only hairdresser in town, Mr. Hay, made his hairstyle look like a tousled mushroom. And the time before that, when the old man cut the strands on the right side of his head too shortly, a hedgehog style, as Junmyeon said. The only thing that cracked him up then was Junmyeon's laugh. The giggly, shrill sound leaving his friend's body is a gem that should be cherished and kept safe, preferably in a locked case that only Sehun has the key to.
Sehun takes the last look in the mirror and leaves his house, never ready enough for his senior year, his last, most beautiful moments in the village he lives in, and hopefully his last tough months in the lousy town where he attends high school. His father shouts at him to take a jacket, because mornings can be cold, and Sehun doesn't take it anyway, knowing that Junmyeon would always throw his own on Sehun's shoulders when the weather gets worse.
The air is humid, foggy, smells like rain, like the world waking up for the long day, like the countryside. Sehun breathes in, breathes out, smiles despite the tiredness in his muscles.
Junmyeon appears, emerging from the thick, milky fog, his favourite checkered shirt and leather jacket hugging his body. The jacket almost immediately lands on Sehun's open palm eagerly waiting for it as every other morning. Sehun wears Junmyeon's piece of clothing proudly, knowing better not to protest.
The barking beast crawls under his feet. Sehun pets it, tugs at the long fur on its head, snorts when the dog licks his fingers. Junmyeon smacks his lips impatiently, kicks Sehun's ankle, and waits, waits until his border collie and his best friend stop showing affection towards each other. Finally, they shoo the dog away.
They have quite a long road to school from their small village. Most kids go by bus, by car, or even by bike, and Sehun would love to join them, but Junmyeon says a walk in the morning is a must, so there is no other choice for them. Where Junmyeon goes, Sehun as well.
The fog falls down when they step into the town, glued to each other, Sehun tall and vibrant, Junmyeon small and intimidating. Baekhyun sees them from afar, waves at them, keeps significant distance from the dark-haired boy with fiery brown eyes and even more passionate personality. He has always been a bit scared of Junmyeon.
Junmyeon doesn't mind, sticks closer to Sehun anyway, both of them ignoring Baekhyun bubbling about the absolutely awful mashed potatoes his mom made for dinner the day before. Sehun looks into Junmyeon's eyes, Junmyeon into his, they silently intertwine hands, intertwine souls, fill the void in their hearts with inexplicable warmth, understand each other without words.
°°°
"This is where I belong," Junmyeon says, lying on the surface of the wooden terrace sticking to his house. "Here, underneath the black sky."
Sehun squirms uncomfortably, pushed to the edge of the small bench by Junmyeon's dog, Rex, sleeping on the majority of it. He frowns at his friend.
"You can't lie down there forever."
Junmyeon scoffs. "Not forever. Just at night."
"You know what I mean," Sehun lets out a puff of hot breath against the coldness of the air. "It's the end of high school soon. The whole world belongs to us."
"You and your big dreams," Junmyeon gets up, glaring at Sehun.
His friend soon joins him on the bench, pushing his dog off the thing with a smooth move of his hand. Junmyeon's hands are small, but strong, agile, and pretty.
"What's wrong with dreaming big?"
"Nothing. But isn't all of this enough for you?" Junmyeon gestures at the sky, the fruit trees in his orchard, the greenest grass, the barn, the stable; their own place on earth, their small village, their home.
Sehun smiles sadly. "It is. It is for now. One day… One day, though, I would love to, you know, move away, see how it's like to live in a city. How it is to live differently. Spend money on stupid things, go to parties, study in those big libraries. Get a good job. Become someone important, maybe."
Junmyeon blinks rapidly, his lashes long, black as coal. He gathers Sehun in his arms, hugs him close, digs his palms into the worn sweatshirt Sehun puts on only for his friend. Junmyeon gave him that one as a gift and simply feels sentimental about it.
"Stupid boy. The city will ruin you," they wrap their arms around each other much tighter. "And you want to leave me so eagerly."
"You know I could never leave you," Sehun sniffs Junmyeon's scent, the scent of wind in his silky black hair. "Never."
Tears fill their eyes, threatening to fall, yet they never do. Their lives are simple, average, and their friendship strong, so special. Their hearts are rich with emotion, rich with yearning for things they might never have. There's something beautiful in the whole simplicity of that.
The night is starry, and when the lone star falls right in front of Sehun's eyes, he makes a wish. A wish for a promising tomorrow for him and Junmyeon.
°°°
"I'm going to be a vet!" Sehun exclaims, waving an envelope torn at one side, his whole future inside of it.
His father smiles proudly, reads the content of the letter, pats his son's shoulder with a fond look in his eyes. The wet diamond is quickly streaming down his parent's face only to disappear brushed away with shaky fingers.
"I'm happy for you, Sehun. Mom would be so proud of you," his father says, voice filled with a myriad of emotions. "You're going to study at a good university, have a great future. That's my son."
Sehun smiles for so long his jaw hurts, takes his envelope back with a quick hug and a faint memory of his mom, runs to the small red house, his feet moving on their own.
Junmyeon is in the stable, keeps brushing the horse's mane, humming a song. Sehun almost scares the animal away with his squeaks, with the loud shuffling of his feet. His friend is startled, pats the horse to calm it down, throws a confused look at Sehun.
"Junmyeon! Jun!"
"What happened? What?" the small one asks, coming closer to his taller friend, embracing him whole with his doe eyes.
"I- I got the scholarship. I am going to study," Sehun grins, shouts excitedly, and jumps around in utter joy. "Study at uni. At an actual university. In a city five hours away from here."
Junmyeon also smiles, but there's something sad about it.
"It's great. Amazing. I'm proud of you."
Sehun takes Junmyeon's hands into his. "You are?"
"I- I am. Of course I am," Junmyeon wraps his fingers around Sehun's, squeezing them for dear life. "My talented boy."
They stare at each other in silence, let their eyes speak for them. Sehun melts, struck by pure endearment. Junmyeon starts shaking.
"What's wrong? Haven't you got your letter yet?" Sehun asks, dumbfounded.
"I haven't. And I won't, Sehun."
"What do you mean that you won't? Jun-"
Junmyeon crashes into him with his whole body, a little bit sweaty and dirty after work, visibly lost in the situation. Sehun reciprocates the gesture. Something is wrong, something is bothering his little man, his closest friend, his unspoken love.
"I'm staying here. Will help my dad with car repairs, maybe take care of the horses and sheeps. I- I don't think I want to study. It's not for me."
Sehun pulls away, judges Junmyeon with a simple look. "Of course it is for you. You're so smart, smarter than me, and-"
"No, you don't understand," Junmyeon almost screams. "I could study, but… but I don't want to. I belong here. "
He understands. He can comprehend the meaning of it, but he doesn't know why Junmyeon would decide on something so thoughtlessly, without giving another choice a try. On the other hand, there is no way to convince his friend otherwise, Sehun thinks. Junmyeon knows what he wants from his life, or at least he is sure he does, and no one, even Sehun, could force the change of his mind.
Later that day, when both of them lie down on the grass in Junmyeon's orchard, hip to hip, hand by hand, eating the sweetest apples and pears, Sehun thinks that it will be hard to leave this place. To leave his Junmyeon. And Junmyeon thinks the same, Sehun knows, he feels it when the small man posessively nudges his foot against Sehun's. Junmyeon is dismayed, he is hurt, he cries on that day, and on many others too.
And Sehun finally knows that dreams do come true. Not all of them. Not the ones people tend to dream about the most. Yet they do.
°°°
That day comes dreadfully fast, and nothing could prepare them for it. Junmyeon looks like a walking misery, his cheerful demeanor fading hour by hour. Sehun can't even force a small smile, despite the excitement of his new beginning.
They were supposed to spend Sehun’s last day in the village together, swimming in the lake, riding horses, playing with Rex, cuddling close, pretending they don't have to part ways soon. But Junmyeon couldn't stop crying, didn't want to leave his room, so Mr. Kim apologized to Sehun and told him to come later.
Sehun appears at the doorstep again in the early evening hours. Junmyeon opens the door for him. They end up cuddling in Junmyeon's bed, embraced in each other, filled with love, grief, and longing. Junmyeon nuzzles his face into Sehun's neck, his voice small, timid, quiet. Sehun feels his heart breaking.
"Don't forget about me."
The taller one places his chin on Junmyeon's head. "Never."
"What's that promise of yours worth? You promised me you won't leave me, and now look at you."
"Jun. I’m not breaking that promise."
Junmyeon scoffs, snuggles closer to Sehun.
"Yes, you are. You're leaving me. You will meet new friends, get a new life. I will be long forgotten."
"You're silly. Dumbass," Sehun laughs through welling up tears. "I told you I will never leave you, and I won't. I will be in your heart forever, you will be in mine. I will visit you as often as I can. And I will call you, and message you, and even write you letters if I have to, hm?"
The silence is unbearable, tugs at Sehun's heart. "Hm," Junmyeon answers, sniffling, pouting, playing numblessly with the rim of his friend's t-shirt. "I am silly. Silly for believing you."
They hug, cry, utter soft words. Sehun is not brave enough to leave a lingering kiss on Junmyeon's hair, or his nape, or puffy cheeks, and Junmyeon is too heartbroken to do the same to Sehun as well. It would only hurt them both even more.
That day finally comes, and they can do nothing about it. Sehun leaves in the morning, his dad's pickup packed to the brim. Junmyeon isn't even there to say goodbye.
Sehun sees him in the distance when they pass by Kim's family house, a little figure sitting on the porch with his border collie next to him and his shattered heart in his hands.
°°°
Studying is what Sehun has always imagined it to be. He meets tons of new friends at the dorm and university, goes to parties, studies in those big libraries. The city is overwhelming, marvelous, full of secrets, treasures, dangers. He has to learn a lot, but it's easier with other people around, makes Sehun feel calm about his future.
He calls Junmyeon almost every day, and if he can't, he sends him sweet messages. His friends, especially his roommate Jongin, joke a lot about his friendship, calling it a marriage instead. Sehun gets annoyed at them every time, blushes the deepest red anyway.
His life gets more hectic and stressful every day, week, month. Parties become more common before the exam session. Junmyeon waits for a sign from Sehun every single day, but sometimes Sehun doesn't even bother to send a message, too tired, too busy or too drunk to pay attention to his phone. There's a whole lot of misunderstandings between them, a thin wall building up high to the sky.
Sehun tasted a different life, Junmyeon has no idea how it looks like. At first, it was exciting to tell his friend about his ups and downs, about the good and bad days, but sometimes Sehun isn’t sure whether Junmyeon would understand, so he decides on being reserved. It leads to the definite silence between them.
They don't even argue, simply don't talk. Sehun passes all the exams with flying colours, sends Junmyeon his results on the spot, realizing that his friend probably won't even answer. And he doesn't.
Sehun is frustrated, goes to another party to let the stress of his exams preparations turn into dust. He kisses a boy, his lips sweet, hair soft, but not as soft as Junmyeon's, and he tries to imagine he is kissing Junmyeon instead, something he has always wanted to do. Too immersed in the unexpected event, he doesn't answer any phone calls that night. Not even a very important one, from his best friend, his soulmate, his biggest happiness.
In the morning, when Sehun's head pounds and his body aches, he reads a message that makes him cry into his crumpled sheets. He lets his tears drip, lets his feelings flow with them, lets his heart break like the one he has just broken.
Don't call me ever again, Sehun. I don't wanna talk to you.
°°°
Winter break approaches fast, and Sehun finally comes back home after what seems like eternity. The bus ride is long, tiring, and lonely.
His father welcomes him with freshly cooked food, everything that Sehun is fond of. Most of those dishes are also Junmyeon's favourite. Sehun feels under the weather, but tells his dad everything. Tells him about his new life, about his friends, and struggles of a university student as well.
Lying down in his bed at night, Sehun decides to visit Junmyeon despite that message he got. He puts on his boots and jacket the next morning, walks through the snow, the cold wind blowing straight into his face.
Mr. Kim answers the door and says Junmyeon isn't home. Sehun goes to the stable, finds the small man there, hunched form sitting in the corner, hugging his knees. Junmyeon turns his head in Sehun's direction, emotionless, then angry, his beautiful face still captivating despite the grimace.
Sehun's heart beats in his chest in an unbelievably fast rhythm.
"You? Here? What are you looking for, city boy?"
Sehun frowns. "What the fuck, Junmyeon?"
"Don't you see it?" Junmyeon gets up, sweeping off some dirt from his clothes. "Everything I said was right. Everything."
Sehun clenches his fist, comes closer. Junmyeon takes a step back.
"I'm back home, and this is how you welcome me after such a long time? This is me, Junmyeon. Me. Your Sehun. I-"
Junmyeon holds Sehun back with his pretty hand, looks him in the eyes, his gaze fiery as always. "My Sehun is different. Told you the city will ruin you. That you will forget about me, about our home, about where you come from."
"You're not playing fair," Sehun chokes on words, keeping his tears on the brink. "I didn't forget. You don't know how it is."
"You're right, I don't. But you didn't even care enough to explain that to me at some point. Too much work, huh? Who would care about some stupid village boy with his stupid feelings!"
Junmyeon's shout disturbs the horses, disturbs the tranquil morning, disturbs Sehun's thoughts as well. Unsavory feeling is spreading inside his body, making him feel bitter instead of apologetic.
"I've missed you," Sehun whispers. "And you dare to say I don't care about you."
Junmyeon hugs himself close with his own arms. "I've missed you more than you can imagine, every day, every hour, every second. But it doesn't change anything."
"It does."
"It doesn't," Junmyeon mutters with gritted teeth. "Go. I don't want to see you."
Sehun tries to take a hold of Junmyeon, but his friend is smarter than that, pulls away. "I'm sorry. It was hard for me to accommodate. I needed some time, but it will get better now. I promise."
Junmyeon's face twitches with hurt. Sehun wants to kiss it away. Pepper him with kisses. His full cheeks, his small nose, his mesmerizing eyes, his plump lips.
"Go," Junmyeon's voice cracks. "Go and don't come back."
And Sehun leaves, he always does everything Junmyeon wants him to, everything that would make his friend content, though Junmyeon doesn’t seem glad at all. He does everything he can, even if that means staying away from Junmyeon for a while. Hopefully not forever, he won't let that happen, he promised.
His dad waits at the table, breakfast warm and ready to eat, one more plate lying next to Sehun’s, prepared for their guest that never comes. Sehun doesn't want to, but he cries, cries into his father's shoulder, mutters I promised.
°°°
His studies go well. He learns even more, parties like never before, meets new friends. Jongin helps him get a small job at the café. Sehun takes it with pleasure, smells like overly expensive coffee three days a week.
Everything is fine. Everything is like he has always wished for it to be, in his small dreams belonging to a village boy. Everything apart from the void space left for Junmyeon.
Junmyeon doesn't answer his phone, doesn't read his messages. Sehun sighs, tries to keep calm, imagines Junmyeon in his head in his spare time, whenever he can.
Sehun thinks about Junmyeon's silky hair when he casts his fingers through his own every morning. Thinks about Junmyeon's arms every time he carries boxes to the café's storage, his friend's limbs looking so frail yet always holding Sehun firm and strong. Thinks about Junmyeon’s giggles and smiles, still hidden in the special case, those that Sehun will never let go, not like he let his friend go that winter morning.
°°°
It's almost the end of his first year at the university. Spring in the city is nothing like the one he has been experiencing in the village. Flowers are weaker in color, faint, trees thinner, grass not even half as green as theirs. He misses Junmyeon's small garden, the way they used to run around plants, being chased by the border collie.
Sehun hasn't visited home since the last time, since winter. The road is too long, and he has a quite sufficient job now, a duty he cannot neglect. He misses homemade food, misses his father’s nagging, misses a boy and his dog. But he can’t come back. Not without Junmyeon waiting for him with open arms, ready to spend the whole night stargazing or cuddling in bed.
Jongin invites him to his house for a weekend a few times instead. Sehun meets his family, people so kind and sweet they make him feel at home. Sehun is almost like their second son already, even has his own spot at the table. Jongin is his best friend, his tower of strength, especially when he listens to Sehun talking about Junmyeon, in his worst moments when the longing becomes too much. They are similar in some ways, Jongin and Junmyeon, and that makes Sehun miss the boy even more.
He still sends Junmyeon one message a day, still doesn't get any answers. It hurts, rips him apart, but Sehun doesn't lose hope.
°°°
On one sunny, spring afternoon, two men walk into the café. One gray-haired and tall, the other small and timid, with a mop of black, neatly styled crown.
Sehun brightens up, takes off his apron, looks at Minseok, his manager, with a silent plea. It's Friday and the end of his shift anyway, so Sehun gets permission to flee, runs into his father's arms, hugs him close. There's a tiny shadow looming over them, a small man more alike to a boy, his eyes shiny with tears, dark with guilt. Sehun takes him into an embrace, even tighter than the one he gave his dad a moment before.
Junmyeon is shaky in his arms, warm, affection radiates from him in waves that could drown the whole café.
"I'm sorry, Sehun," Junmyeon says, his tears wetting Sehun's sweater. "I miss you so much."
Sehun caresses Junmyeon's head gently. "It's okay. We will talk it through. Don’t worry."
All three of them eat a nice dinner in a chinese restaurant. Sehun tells them various stories, Junmyeon shares some from the village as well, excited, yet unusually shy. Their gazes meet from time to time, devouring the long unseen vision of the intangible bond they share, something that cannot be noticed through the screen of their phones. Sehun's father announces briefly that they will stay in a small motel, and he's tired after the ride, so he will leave them alone for now. Mr. Oh nudges Junmyeon with his elbow, the motion making Sehun confused, but his small friend smiles kindly, nods his head.
Sehun introduces Junmyeon to all of his friends, shows him the dorm, the campus, a part of the city he lives in. Jongin and Junmyeon click immediately, and soon they both laugh at Sehun and his habits, stomachs hurting from the shaking sensation, from the enormous amount of sweets they ate. Later, they go to a party, Junmyeon hesitantly asking if he is going to fit in there. Sehun is sure he will. He was wrong thinking that Junmyeon might not adjust to the new environment. His friend looks like he has lived among tall buildings his whole life. Junmyeon is dancing like there’s no tomorrow, chugging beer with Jongin, talking to people with uncertainty, but getting along with everyone, smiling vibrantly.
They are tipsy, so Sehun decides to come back to the dorm, taking Junmyeon out of the frat house into the cold street covered by the nocturnal blanket. The walk takes them a while. Junmyeon’s legs are wobbly as he holds Sehun close the whole time, drawn to him like a moth to the flame. Junmyeon tries to explain that he needs to call a taxi to get to the motel, but Sehun doesn’t listen to him, takes him to his room, lends him comfortable clothes. Soon they lie down in Sehun’s small bed, Junmyeon crawling into Sehun’s arms, crawling into his heart.
“You were right, you know. I’m a dumbass,” Junmyeon slurs, voice heavy with sleep. “I was so jealous of the people you will meet here. Of the life you will lead. But you didn’t change, not really. Or maybe you did, but for the better. You’re still my village boy, but much wiser, much more experienced, mature. And- And you’re quite handsome now that you don’t have that mushroom on your head.”
Sehun snorts, hugs Junmyeon close from behind, his body perfect in Sehun’s arms. “You’re my dumbass, Jun, so that’s okay. It’s fine. I don’t care about the past months now that you’re here,” Sehun leaves a small kiss on Junmyeon’s nape, suddenly braver because of the alcohol in his veins. “You- You are even more beautiful than I remember. You smell so nice, like wind, like flowers. I won’t let you go.”
“Then don’t. Don’t let me go,” Junmyeon puts his hands on Sehun’s, warm against his stomach. “Keep me close, forever. I don’t want to live my life without you.”
Their breaths even out, sleep takes control over them. Sehun dreams of a morning spent with Junmyeon in his arms, and once again he realizes that dreams do come true.
°°°
Junmyeon looks like Sehun's clothes are two sizes too big for him, even bigger than his own oversized ones. They probably are. But he is adorable like that, not intimidating at all, and Baekhyun wouldn't believe how soft Junmyeon can truly be.
They eat a simple breakfast, the three of them, since Jongin and his hangover sneak into the kitchen, stealing their food with barely open eyelids. It's calm, warm, and domestic, something that Sehun always desired from his life.
Jongin goes to sleep, too tired to function properly, and Mr. Oh will join them later, so they have some time to be together. To talk. To explain what should be explained.
"What now? What will happen now? With… with us," Sehun asks, his body seated on the couch, Junmyeon's head on his lap.
Junmyeon sighs deeply. "I- I don't know," he sits up suddenly, looking into Sehun's eyes. "I know that I want to be with you."
"Me too, Jun. I don't care about the distance," Sehun says, taking Junmyeon's hands into his much bigger ones.
"What if I moved somewhere here?" Junmyeon asks, uncertainly. "Somewhere close."
Sehun gasps, looks for the truth in Junmyeon's brown pupils. "Here? To the city?"
"To the outskirts. There's… there's a job offer in the stable nearby. I kinda got employed yesterday."
"You did?" Sehun can't believe, considers it only a joke. "You did, Junmyeon? You did?"
Junmyeon smiles, caresses Sehun's cheek with his palm. Shivers run down Sehun's spine.
"I did. Your dad helped me. He is checking out the small apartment I could rent as we speak," Junmyeon whispers, his eyes glossy. "And maybe next year I can apply to university. Give it a try."
"I can't believe it. I’m... I'm so happy, Junmyeon. So, so happy," they get closer than ever before, tips of their noses touching. "But you didn't want to move anywhere. Didn't want to study. You love the countryside."
"I do. But more than anything, I love you."
Before Sehun can comprehend the situation, Junmyeon cups his cheeks, draws their lips close, kisses him gently, sweetly, and it's even better than Sehun could ever imagine.
They share their love, their worries, their insecurities, their hearts, for the first time since they know that the bond they share means so much, since they care about each other more than about anything else.
"I love you too. Always," Sehun manages to say, and Junmyeon smiles against his lips, affection dripping off his body.
Sehun looks into Junmyeon's eyes, Junmyeon into his. They silently intertwine hands, intertwine souls, fill the void in their hearts with inexplicable warmth, understand each other without words.
Junmyeon’s heart belongs to Sehun, and Sehun’s to Junmyeon. And for the first time, they yearn for the same thing. For love.