Chapter Text
Sterling… You're my daughter.
The words still echo in Sterling's mind as her parents are finally driving them home. Her parents … Can she even call them that now? Sterling's head is leaning against the window, silent tears freely falling on her cheeks. She's holding Blair's hand, but she can't bring herself to look at her.
Her whole world just got totally shattered and this night couldn't have been worse. First, April broke her heart, stepped on it and flirted with Luke. Second, she got kidnapped by her crazy aunt. Third, her aunt's boyfriend proceeded to threaten her with a gun. Oh, and last but not least, turns out her aunt is actually her mother.
The silent tears suddenly turn into sobs as her thoughts drift to all the secrets that have been revealed that night. She brings her free hand to her mouth, desperately trying to quieten the sobs escaping her. She understands she's doing a terrible job at it when Blair squeezes her hand and her mother turns to look at her with worried eyes.
They're speaking to her. Sterling knows they are, she can hear them. She doesn't wanna listen to them. She can't add whatever they'll say to what is already going on in her brain. So, without a word, Sterling covers both of her ears with her hands and closes her eyes. It doesn't really block much sounds, but she knows her family will get the message.
As soon as Blair and their mother see Sterling covering her ears they stop talking. They look at each other, both knowing there is no way to make Sterling listen to them at the moment. So, they just stop and the uncomfortable silence that was reigning in the car before Sterling's sobs comes back in full force.
The first thing Sterling does when they get home is to run to her bedroom. She slams the door behind her and quickly locks it. Sterling wraps her arms around herself to try and give herself some comfort as her head falls into chaos. She looks everywhere in her room, and suddenly everything feels like a lie. She's been working so hard to keep up the perfect image of their family. Of course, she messed up sometimes, but she still tried.
A chill invades Sterling, and it quickly makes her move. She goes straight to her bathroom and runs herself a warm bath. As soon as the tub is full of water she gets in, and sighs as the warmth envelops her. Sterling brings her knees to her chest and holds them there with her arms, unconsciously trying to make herself look as small as possible. She leans her forehead against her knees, all her emotions get out freely as the tears slide on her cheeks. For a moment, she wonders if she'll ever stop crying.
She realises she can't think like that, because that train of thoughts could take her down a really dark road. So after a moment of just sobbing, Sterling straightens her head and wipes her tears away. She takes several deep breaths to calm herself, and when she feels like it worked, even if it's just a little, she gets out of the tub.
After getting dressed and pulling her hair in a loose ponytail, Sterling gets out of her room. She heads to Blair's room and quickly knocks on the closed door. When the brunette opens it, Sterling sees that her sister's been crying too. Without waiting, she pulls Blair in a bone crushing hug.
"I love you." Sterling whispers in her sister's ear.
Blair starts crying again, but she holds onto Sterling tightly.
"I-I love you too."
They end up sleeping in the same bed that night. Cuddling as close as possible, Blair's hands holding the fabric of Sterling's shirt so tightly that her knuckles turn white.Sterling won't let what happened tonight change her relationship with Blair. They're sisters… no, they're twins. Nothing can change that.
*
Sterling has to argue with her parents on Monday morning on whether she'll go to school or not. A week ago, Sterling would have been delighted at the idea of skipping school with her parents' approval. Now, her parents think she still needs time to recover from what happened, and Blair thinks so too. What they don't get is that Sterling is craving normality right now. Even if her new normal is made of her ex-boyfriend going out with her ex-girl… Was April even her girlfriend?
She manages to convince them though… just to immediately regret her decision as soon as she gets to school. Everyone is looking at her with some kind of pity written all over their faces.
Sterling adjusts the strap of her bag on her shoulder and looks down, avoiding people's eyes.
They can't know. So, what is it about? Sterling thinks as she opens her locker.
"Sterling!"
The girl's voice startles her. Sterling looks at the other girl, but she can't seem to remember her name.
"I am so sorry about what happened." The girl with dark hair says as she lays a hand on Sterling's shoulder.
The Wesley girl frowns as she's getting confused and maybe even a little worried.
"What?" Sterling blurts out.
"You know…" The girl raises an eyebrow, but when she sees Sterling looking blankly at her, she decides to keep going. Luke and April went on a date Saturday. They posted a selfie on Instagram. Oh, and Ezekiel confirmed it."
Sterling's heart skips a beat, and then she can literally feel it sink inside her chest. If she hadn't cried so much during the weekend, maybe she'd cry now. But she doesn't, no, instead she forces a little smile and grabs the book she was looking for inside of her locker.
"They can do whatever they want. It's none of my business."
She shuts the door of her locker closed a little more strongly than necessary, causing the girl next to her to jump. With one last fake smile, Sterling leaves the girl there and heads straight to her first class. Blair is quick to join her since they're sharing a Spanish class together.
They're the first ones in the class. Blair sits down right behind Sterling, in her assigned seat. The class is filled with a comfortable silence until students start to walk in. Then, it's full of whispers. Sterling feels their stares, hears their words. At first, she tries to ignore them, she thinks it will pass, but then it suddenly gets worse.
Sterling looks up, trying to understand why everyone got so loud, and she immediately ends up making eye contact with April's green eyes. It feels like the world stops around them for a little while. They hold each other's gaze, and Sterling is almost sure she sees tears build up in April's eyes, and maybe there's some in her own too.
Their eye contact abruptly comes to an end when Luke slips his hand in April's, the short girl tears her eyes away from Sterling and gives him her attention.
Sterling feels like she could be sick at any moment. So, she quickly gathers her things, and throws them all in her bag before rushing out of class. She almost gets to the doors leading outside of the school before she hears steps behind her. Sterling is about to tell Blair they can just go home, and that today was a mistake, when a hand gently grabs her arm. Sterling immediately winces when the gentle fingers make contact with her arm. She pulls herself free, gently rubbing her forearm to try and get rid of the pain.
Sterling barely has time to look up and realise it's not Blair that followed her before April rolls the sleeve of her button up shirt to expose the blue marks on her arm. Sterling quickly jerks her arm away from April's grasp, but the shorter girl isn't about to let this slip.
"What happened to your arm Sterl?" April says, her voice filled with worry.
Sterling does her best to avoid the other girl's eyes. She turns around to keep walking, but April is right behind her. This time, April gently takes Sterling's hand to stop her. Sterling freezes and looks down at their joined hand, April does too, before quickly taking her hand back. Sterling's eyes fill with tears, tears she wasn't even aware she had left at this point.
"Please don't cry." April softly pleads.
Sterling huffs, and quickly wipes her eyes, getting rid of the tears building into them.
"I won't cry for you." Sterling allows herself to say. "Not again."
April tightens her jaw, looks away and then nods. Sterling watches as the shorter girl quickly composes herself, and she can't help but be impressed by how fast April manages to push her feelings away. Soon, April's emotions seem to be gone, but Sterling knows better.
"Why do you have bruises on your arm?" April asks once more.
"I hit it… on a doorknob." Sterling lets the lie escape her mouth and hopes it sounds convincing.
By the way April looks at her, Sterling quickly understands she's a very bad liar. The shorter girl takes a step closer and tentatively reaches for Sterling's arm again. Gently, she takes it, giving Sterling all the time she'd need to protest or pull away. The Wesley girl doesn't though, she lets April take her arm, and almost feels like crying again when April's delicate fingers graze her skin.
"Sterling… This is a handmark." April says, her eyes never leaving the blue-ish marks.
Suddenly, Sterling feels defensive. "Why do you even care?"
Their eyes meet and Sterling is surprised by the hurt she sees in April's. The Stevens girl looks taken aback for a moment, but her fingers stay gentle as she still lightly touches Sterling's arm.
"You know I care. Don't act like I don't." April says, her voice surprisingly soft.
Sterling takes a shaky breath, feeling guilty about being so defensive with April when the shorter girl is only trying to help and show that she still cares. Hesitantly, Sterling covers April's hand with hers and pulls it away from her arm.
"Okay, uh…" Sterling sighs and looks down. "Look, it's a complicated story. Can we just drop it? For now at least."
April draws her hands back, and looks at the space between them. She seems to think about what Sterling just said for a couple of seconds, then she lifts her head to look right into Sterling's eyes. Blue meets green, and Sterling swallows hard when she sees the determination in April's eyes.
"I'll drop it, but only if you meet me at Fun Zone after school."
Sterling is taken aback by April's request. She frowns, and avoids the shorter girl's eyes. She's reminded of a simpler time when she was the one asking this same thing.
"Why?" Sterling says, her voice suddenly smaller than ever.
April takes a deep breath to find the courage to say what she wanna say. Then, she starts walking towards the doors leading outside of the school, gesturing to Sterling to follow her. When they're outside, April turns around to face the taller girl again.
"Because I… I miss you. I know it's crazy because it's been like two days since we… parted ways, but I can't help it." April takes a step closer to Sterling, leaving little space between them.
Sterling's breath hitches and she's about to take a step back when April gently takes her hands in hers. Now, she can't bring herself to pull back.
"I also know that you… said you don't know if we can ever be together again, but please, meet me at Fun Zone after school." April asks again.
Sterling wishes she could say no, wishes April's pleading eyes didn't make her knees go weak… But she can't say no, and it feels like her knees could give in at any moment. She just wants to lean in and kiss April, here and now. Maybe it would make some of her pain disappear. Maybe she'd feel better. She knows she can't do that, of course she knows, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't crave it.
"I'll meet you at the Skee-ball tracks."
With that being said, Sterling walks past April, and heads to her car. By doing so, she misses the longing look April sends her way before walking back into school.