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Kenma has trouble keeping up with Shouyou when he came back from Brazil. He kept crazy hours with his streams and his gaming addiction.
Shouyou has always been a morning person, while Kenma could barely wake up at 2 pm most days. Most days, Shouyou has practice and for a lot of weekends he had games. There was no point in trying to attempt to set a time to hang out because neither of them knew how to be on time, and with their schedules being so different, keeping up with their friendship was a little hard.
Kenma needed to do something about his Shouyou-less life.
He considered his options. He could text Kageyama but Kageyama was notorious for his one word texts. He thought maybe Bokuto would be able to help out, but Bokuto was loud and way too energetic and was more prone to just ramble on about anything except Shouyou.
So what was poor Kenma to do?
He messaged Bokuto’s boyfriend, Akaashi, since Shouyou was almost always with Bokuto and by default Akaashi.
Kenma: hello Akaashi-san, could you tell me the next day MSBY has a day off?
Akaashi: hello Kozume-san, I’m not entirely sure, let me ask Sakusa-san
Kenma patiently waits while playing Candy Crush on his phone. 3 minutes later he gets a reply.
Akaashi: they will be off next Monday and Tuesday
Kenma: thank you Akaashi-san
For some reason, Akaashi had decided to start a conversation.
Akaashi: have you heard from Shouyou lately?
Kenma squints at the screen for a second. He, in fact, had not heard from Shouyou in a couple of days.
Kenma: no, not in a couple of days.... why?
Akaashi: Bokuto thinks Shouyou has a crush on Atsumu-san... and vice versa
Kenma paused for a second. He pulled up his Instagram and went to search for Shouyou’s. The last picture Shouyou had posted was a selfie posing with Atsumu, both where making claws with their hands as if they were saying ‘rawr.’
What in the actual fuck, Kenma thinks. He screenshots the picture and sends it to Akaashi.
Kenma: this clown? 🤡
Akaashi: lol yeah, Bokuto says Shouyou is always gushing about how great his sets are and the clown is always agreeing to extra practices with Shouyou even when they’ve been at practice for 6 hours already 🤨
Kenma knew that the way to Shouyou’s heart was volleyball. He was pretty sure that when he told Shouyou that he would sponsor him so he could go to Brazil, Shouyou would’ve proposed on the spot.
Kenma thought about what would be the best way to get this clown away from Shouyou. Finally he typed out a message to Akaashi.
Kenma: We need an inside man.
———
Kenma has created a group
Kenma added Akaashi, Kageyama, Sakusa to the group.
Kenma: look at this moron, retweeting a thirst trap of Shouyou
The screenshot Kenma sent was a picture of Shouyou in an official game against the Adlers. In the picture Shouyou’s toned legs seemed to be flexing, ready to strike at any moment. He’s a little bent over, ass perked up, and when Kenma had to stop himself from retweeting it too.
Kageyama: yeah, ngl Hinata looked great during that game
Sakusa: The moron got yelled at for not paying attention. That was a good game.
Akaashi: we need to keep this man away from Shouyou, he will corrupt my child.
Kenma: I was thinking...
Kageyama: 😈😈😈
Sakusa: ....
Kenma: what if we all just warn him to stay away subtly? And by subtly I mean Kageyama and Sakusa hit him with a volleyball to the head and Akaashi, you could get your boyfriend to spike his head on the ground
Akaashi: ... Kozume-san maybe we could just scare him with ominous words?
Akaashi: also um Bokuto isn’t my boyfriend anymore
Kageyama: WHAT
Sakusa: WHAT
Kenma: WHAT
Akaashi: ...
Akaashi: he’s my fiancée
Attached is a picture of Akaashi’s hand with a simple silver band engraved with an owl in the middle.
Kenma: congrats Akaashi!
Kageyama: maybe now you two can adopt Hinata, don’t married couples have better chances of adopting?
Sakusa: Kageyama are you stupid
Kenma: no he really means it
Akaashi: anyways... back to the plan.... ominous words?
Sakusa: yeah that def could work. He’s a paranoid moron. The other day Hinata had a headache and The Idiot thought he was the reason for it. He didn’t speak to Hinata for two hours.
Kageyama: I could set a ball and Sakusa could spike it to his head
Kenma: fine. I guess we try the subtle way first. If it doesn’t work, Sakusa could spike his head to the court’s floor ?
Sakusa: it would be my genuine pleasure.
Akaashi set the group name as Shouyou Protection Squad
Kageyama: really? Shouyou Protection Squad
Sakusa: you’re one to talk, you already terrified and confused Atsumu after our last practice match
Kageyama: he was DROOLING all over Hinata
Kenma set the group name as SPS
Kenma: Shouyou’s here at my place
Akaashi: ....oops, he doesn’t need to find out about this
Kageyama: and Sakusa how’d you even know about what I said?
Sakusa: Atsumu was mumbling during the ride back to our gym about Tobio-kun being scary and cryptic
Kageyama: moron
Kageyama: guess it worked
Kageyama: and at least I’ve done something what have you done Sakusa
Sakusa: I haven’t had a chance to do anything, too busy winning matches
Kageyama, oi screw you
Kenma: stop spamming the chat
Kenma: Shouyou keeps wanting to reach for my phone to see who’s sending me so many messages
The chat goes silent for the night.
Akaashi: Yeah atsumu is terrified
Sakusa: no kidding, he walked into the locker room saying that people were conspiring against him and he looked in every locker to make sure there weren’t any recorders
Kageyama: why does shouyou like them dumb, he had better taste in high school
Kenma: don’t flatter yourself
Kageyama: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT
Kenma: sure it isn’t
Akaashi: children. BEHAVE.
Sakusa: okay I guess I’m up next
Sakusa: I may have made a mistake
Kenma’s sharp eyes widened. It was three in the morning and he knew the MSBY Black Jackals had gone out together as a group to a bar. Shouyou had posted a picture of himself, Bokuto, Sakusa and annoyingly enough, Clownsumu. Kenma was the only one awake out of group so he replied quickly.
Kenma: what
Sakusa: I think I pushed the moron’s one brain cell to the point of realization
Kenma: god fucking dammit Sakusa you had ONE job
Kenma: one freaking job
Sakusa: I know
Kenma: to make sure clownsumu stayed oblivious and what did you do
Kenma: you fucked it up
Sakusa: I apologize Kenma
Kenma: fine I guess I’ll fix it
Kageyama: Kenma
Kageyama: Kenma
Kageyama: Kenma
Kageyama: Kenma
Sakusa: for the love of god Kenma answer the freaking text
Akaashi: Kageyama are you okay?
Kageyma: Kenma
Kenma: what
Kageyama: can you explain this
Kageyama had sent a screenshot of his text message with Shouyou. Shouyou has said “ I’m gonna go for it with Atsumu-san .”
Kenma: how is that my fault
Kageyama: read the text before that
So Kenma does.
The text says, “ Kenma and Atsumu-san were discussing how he was in love with me and then I fell asleep and I woke and I was holding onto Atsumu-san and it just clicked, you know so I decided...”
Sakusa: thought you were gonna fix it
Akaashi: seriously Kenma why
Kageyama: well, it’s done. Prepare for the wedding. Thanks Kenma.
Sakusa: Thanks Kenma.
Akaashi: Thanks Kenma.
Kenma: fuuuuuuuuuuuck.