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There was a shine in the young princess’ eyes as the young advisor passed her, her eyes following him. She bit her lip. While she never admitted it, she was completely smitten with the young man. As the youngest advisor at 18, all it took was one conversation and she had fallen for him. Not only because of his dashing look but also for his wit and charm.
The two were close. They spent their free time with each other and often had conversations varying from serious to humorous. She loved spending time with him. And he didn’t need to say it for her to know he felt the same way.
“Pardon me,” She curtsied and excused herself, fanning herself as she made her way to the balcony.
She sighed as she leaned on the balcony, closing her eyes for a moment and enjoying the late-night air. For a moment, she thought about him. There was an instance where the two of them had been walking and she tripped, only for him to catch him. She thought about his strong arms that had caught her and how fast her heart was beating when she was in his embrace. She thought about it all. How she could hear him flustered and stumble a bit as he made sure she was ok. How good he smelled. His look of disappointment when she stood away from him and brushed herself off. His lingering touch of her head. How, for a moment, she genuinely thought he’d kiss her.
She sighed before brushing the hair out of her eyes. She wanted him to kiss her. Every time she was with him, there was a moment where she thought he’d kiss her. But it never came.
“Princess?” A familiar voice called out. She looked behind her.
“Ashton!” She grinned, turning fully to face him. “And please do not call me princess when we’re alone. Call me Ana,”
He chuckled and she swore she felt her heart beat faster. “Alright, Ana. What brings you out here?” He asked while approaching her, taking a place next to the princess.
She looked out onto the sky for a moment, shivering a bit from the cold. “It’s too stuffy in the ballroom. I enjoy everyone in there but it’s nice to take a break,”
He takes note of her shivering and takes off his suit jacket placing it gingerly on her shoulders. She looks surprised and looks up at him with big eyes, clutching onto it.
“Wouldn’t you be cold, Ashton?”
“It’s more of a crime for the princess to be cold than me,”
She took a few steps towards him, looking up at his face with a grin. “You’re too cute, my lord,” Ana teased.
His breath hitched and he looked flustered in the moonlight. There was a beat of silence before he gently grabbed her chin and lifted him up to face him fully. Her eyes widened before they started to gradually close when he started to lean in. Their lips barely brushed before he stopped. They stayed like that for a moment before he pulled back and turned away.
“Apologies, princess. I didn’t know my place,”
She couldn’t hide the disappointment in her expression as her feelings leaked into her tone of voice. “It’s alright, my lord,” Ana trembled from anger. There were a few minutes of silence before she took off his suit jacket and left it on the balcony, starting to walk away before she bumped into someone.
“A-ah! My liege!” She was quick to curtsy once again for her father, the king. The king nodded towards his daughter before walking up to Ashton.
“Stay away from my daughter, bastard child,”
There was a stunned silence from both Ashton and Ana as the king stood silently there for a moment. He coughed before leaving both his daughter and young advisor.
Ashton clenched his fist, almost tempted to hit the king and accept his sentence in jail. But Ana was quick to move. She made her way to Ashton and hugged his torso.
“Ashton. No,” She pleaded, looking up at him.
“Princess… You know how much I want to love you. But everyone stops me from pursuing you for idiotic reasons. All because I’m a bastard’s child,” he clenches his fist tighter.
“Then we’ll love without everyone knowing!”
His eyes widen and he looks down at the princess. She pulls away from him, a determined look on her face.
“We’ll love without everyone knowing,” She repeats.
“How?”
“We’ll have a secret relationship!” She takes his hands in hers. “We’ll… start exchanging letters more often! We’ll sneak out of the castle and into the town!” She looks at him, her eyes shining with the sort of desperation you only see in someone who was in love. “Please, Ashton. I want to live happily with you,”
He swallows, squeezing her hand a bit. “Princess, don’t you understand how much trouble this is? I could lose my reputation. And you could be kicked out of the castle! This is too risky…,”
She gives him back three squeezes. “It’ll be ok. It’s worth it for you,”
For the first time in the conversation, he meets her eyes. She swallowed. “Please trust me on this, Ashton. I want to have a romance with you,”
He takes a sharp inhale before nodding. “Alright. Let’s have a romance, my sweet,”
She brightens up and hugs him once again. He’s shocked at her response before slowly hugging back, holding her close. For a moment, they could feel each other’s heartbeat. Both were racing at incredible speeds but feeling the other’s beat calmed the other down. They breathed together, just living in the moment before their potential demise.
“I love you, my lord,”
“And I love you, my princess,”
She blushed before burying her head in his neck. “...we should leave before someone sees up,”
“Yeah,”
Yet, they didn’t let go of each other. And they wouldn’t for a while. Not until the sun came up.
_______________________________________________________________
To my dearest,
Life has been complicated recently. There are talks of a war starting between us and the surrounding kingdoms. I’ve been busy trying to write letters of peace and treaties between all of us but it’s clear they aren’t effective. I wonder every day if I have to go to war because of a dispute between your father and another man over land and money. I doubt I’ll go into battle, though. I do not think I am fit to fight. Even though I can, I prefer not to steal another man’s chance of living. They might have a lover as well. And if you have a lover, then you have my mercy.
But anyways, Ana, how are you? Have you been attending your classes? I haven’t seen you in the library lately. I dearly hope you are not skipping. I’ve witnessed you getting harshly scolded for not attending your classes and a soldier had to hold me back. I hope you are alright. Please write back as soon as you can, my love.
Yours truly,
Lord Ashton.
_______________________________________________________________
The following letters were sent personally to each other. Any chance they could, they would slip in the letters in their pockets, rooms, or in an occasional gift basket. But they would never let a servant handle their precious letters. Not if they wanted the gossip to spread.
These secret letters continued until one day, he sent her a letter that came with a map.
‘Follow this map at 12,’ The end of the letter read.
When the time came, she secretly left her chambers to follow the map. It led her to the old part of a castle and down a long and narrow staircase. She followed it down to the overrun gardens of the old part of the castle, where Ashton was waiting. She looked relieved at the sight of him and ran into his arms. He spun her around, their laughter mixing in together.
“Is this where you wanted to see me?”
He shook his head. “Not at all. I know a place outside of the castle where we can be with each other safely,” She looks around and nods, knowing that they weren’t safe. Even under the cover of crumbling buildings and wild plants.
They make their way out of the castle grounds and into the forest behind. Across a river and further in a forest. Eventually, past a blanket of trees to a clearing. A small patch of land with a stone bench and ruins. She looks astonished. For once, she feels free.
“Ashton… what is this place?” Ana asks, marveled at the simple beauty of the area.
“I discovered this place as a child. Ever since then, I come here and just… relax,” he sits down on the stone bench, patting the place next to him. “Now, it’s no longer my place. It’s our place,”
Ana grins and hurries to sit next to him, leaning on his arm before he moved it so it was around her.
“I really like it here, Ashy,”
He kisses the top of her head. “So do I, princess,”
They sit in silence as the calm wind soothes Ana to sleep. When the sun rises, he carries her on his back and makes his way back to the castle. Silently, he kisses her head again and settles her in bed before leaving to perform his own castle duties. ______________________________________________
To my love,
Castle politics are troubling. I can never understand why a war needs to start when we live comfortably and we have plenty of land. My father is a man who has a short temper though. To say he had a “dispute” with another king must be an understatement. As a member of his family, I’ve seen the way he’s treated other people. Especially to those close to him. He will not hesitate to do whatever to get what he wants. He’s greedy.
I have been attending my classes! But my classes are now held outdoors as my tutor thinks it’s a good idea for me to get some air. I cannot blame her, though. The castle is stuffy with the number of people bustling around. Too many parties. I wish I didn’t have to attend them all. Gossip with the nobles is fun if you can stop thinking for long enough. I truly do not care that Lady Domine has the same hat as Duchess Kage.
I truly do not want you to go to war. But if you did, I’d simply refuse to marry anyone my father offers. My heart belongs to you and will always belong to you. I’ve read enough romances where the men have gone to war. Would you enjoy me spraying the letter in my perfume or would you prefer pressed flowers? Perhaps even the news of our child if you happen to get me pregnant? I think you’d enjoy that news a lot! But not in war.
Forever yours,
Princess Ana
_______________________________________________________________
To my scarlet letter,
Princess, pregnancy is quite far down the line. I do not believe I will be gone that long. As much as I love to humor you, I cannot deny how red I am at thinking of your pregnant stomach. It is… a little bit embarrassing. Bu-
The letter was snatched from her hands and crumpled up. She looks up and sees her father.
“M-my liege! That was a letter fro-,”
“That bastard, Ashton! I recognize his wax stamp. What the hell are you doing writing letters to him?”
She looks on the verge of tears. “M-my liege it was just a simple letter as friends! We are nothing more!”
The king shoots her a glare before walking up to the fireplace. Ana’s eyes widen.
“No…,”
He throws the crumpled ball into the fire.
“NO!” She scrambles from her desk area to her fireplace.
“You are never to write to him again. Understood?”
“Understood…,” She sobs.
_______________________________________________________________
In the next few days, Ashton didn’t receive a letter. Although busy, he couldn’t help but miss his lover’s handwriting and the distant smell of her perfume. In his small office, he wrote and wrote. Writing for a king was never easy, as it would turn out to be.
A knock on his door. He looks up and stands. But when he opened the door, there was no one there. Just a letter. Curious, he picked it up and broke the seal, opening the letter and reading the contents inside.
‘STAY AWAY FROM THE PRINCESS.’
The letter was as clear as day. And in the king’s handwriting. He clutched it tightly, almost ripping the paper and he held it. For a moment, he thought about tearing up the letter and finding the king so they could talk. If he ever got violent, he’d only request to kiss the princess before his execution.
“ASHTON!” Ana’s voice rang out. He looked up from his thoughts to see her dashing towards him, tears in her eyes and running towards him. He’s quick to open his arms, still clutching the letter. She runs into them, burying her head into his chest and sobbing.
He uses his foot to close the door. “Princess, what happened?” he asked in a hushed tone.
She sobs harder before she looks up at him, tears streaming down her face. She lets out a hiccup before she continues crying.
“Princess, I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s happening. Please tell me?”
She hiccups again. “H-h-he won’t let m-me see you ag-again,” She swallows down the rest of her tears and wipes them away. “M-my fath-father won’t le-let me s-see you,”
His grip on the letter tightens. “Yeah… I know,”
She lets out a soft sob. “Wh-what are we going to do, Ashton?” more tears flowed out as she clings onto him tighter. “There isn’t any hope for us… no one believes that we can make it… what will we do?” she buries her head in his chest, wetting his shirt slightly from her tears.
Ashton swallows before taking Ana’s shoulders and pushing her back so she could look at him. “Ana,” she looked up at Ashton, “it’ll be ok,” he continued.
“But-,”
“It’s our love story. I promise we’ll make it out alive. You told me that you wanted to live happily with me. And we will. I will die before that promise gets broken.” He kisses her head and she flushes through her tears.
“Promise?” She looks up at him with big eyes.
“Promise. We’ll just burn our letters afterward. And we’ll stop talking during the day so frequently. We’ll be sure to cover our tracks more. I promise we’ll make it out alive. And together,”
She nods, still clearly unsure but willing to trust him. Slowly, she hugs him and he hugs back. They stay like this for a while, occasionally swaying around and holding each other. Every once in awhile, Ashton kisses her head.
It was oddly perfect. In a weird way.
_______________________________________________________________
Dear my love,
I didn’t get to read the rest of your previous letter, as it had gotten burnt before I could read all of it. But it was something about me being pregnant, I believe. Did the thought of bearing your child fluster you? My lord, there should be other things that fluster you instead of my pregnant stomach. Especially with what we’ve done last night!
Also, I feel as if the security in my place of the castle has increased. I can’t walk far without a lady-in-waiting or a guard following me. I suspect this to be my father’s doing. It’s… annoying. Disturbing. No one wants me to be with you. I hate it. I wished someone would let us be together. I wished things were different. That we weren’t part of the royal court and we were able to fall in love. Then, we’d be happy.
But enough of that. How are things in the palace? Will you be ok? Will the war happen? Is my father being reasonable? Are things peaceful? Will you be ok? I haven’t been told anything thus far. I wish I had been told, though. I’m deadly worried about if you’ll go to war or not. I know you are capable of fighting but I’d rather you not. If you do go to war, I’ll be sure to write every day. I hope you can write as well. It’ll be horrible not to see you but I will bear it for you.
Til your next letter,
Princess Ana.
_______________________________________________________________
To my loveliest princess,
Imagining you pregnant has always been one of my secret daydreams. To think you would be carrying my child! If you were pregnant, I wouldn’t leave your side. I would pamper you anytime I could and treat you like a goddess. If you were pregnant, I’d leave off of work early every day to come see you and our child. I wouldn’t hesitate to do this for you, princess. I’d do anything for you. Even if you asked me to kill someone, I’d do it. I love you.
The security in your part of the castle is concerning. I had to drop off something nearby and two guards had stopped me to ask what I was doing. It felt degrading and invasive. I was just passing by, as well. Perhaps we can run away together? Just the two of us.
The politics here are stressful. The talks of war are becoming discussions and meetings between all of us. I’ll be fine. Your father is not being reasonable. He demands we go to war. If I were to go to war, I wouldn’t be in battle. I’d only go to battle as a last resort, which I doubt we’ll have to employ. Please do not worry so much, Ana. It’s bad for your health. I promise I’ll be fine in the end. I’ve promised to keep our romance alive and I’m dead set on fulfilling that promise.
Until I see you,
Lord Ashton.
_______________________________________________________________
“He’s going to war,”
Ana looks up from her teacup, confused. “Who is going to war?”
The lady with her scoffed. “Your lover, Lord Ashton,”
She flushed and choked on her tea, much to the other lady’s dismay.
“Pardon me… he isn’t my lover. We’re just friends,”
Narrow eyes were pointed at the princess and she wiped her mouth with uncertainty.
“Princess, you’re definitely in a relationship with Lord Ashton. All of the nobles know it. We just don’t tell your father,”
Ana shakes her head anyways. “What about the war?”
A sip of tea was swallowed. “He’s going to war,”
Her eyes widen and she almost drops her teacup. Swallowing back tears, she stands up.
“Pardon me, ladies. I have… business to attend to,” Despite everyone’s protests for her to stay, she left anyways. And going off to one place: Ashton’s office.
_______________________________________________________________
Knock, knock, knock.
“Come in!”
Ana steps in before closing the door, noting the incredible stacks of papers that seem to be like pillars for the room. She also notes the balls of paper that cover the floor like a sea. She stepped carefully.
Ashton doesn’t even look up when she walks in, only continuing to write extensively. She stands in front of his desk for a moment before she clears her throat.
“Ashton?”
His head shoots up and Ana’s expression softens. It was clear he hadn’t slept for a while. When he sees her, he slowly stands up from his desk and goes over to hug her. She’s quick to hug back. He rests his head on top of hers and hugs her tightly.
“Why are you here?” He asked, “You aren’t supposed to be here during the day,” He kisses her head.
“I… I wanted to see you. And talk about something,”
He swallows and sits there thinking for a moment. “Princess… Can we just… be like this? Just for a moment?”
She nods, burying her head in his chest as she felt herself melt into his touch. For a moment, it felt like they were back at the balcony from a lifetime ago. A lifetime ago, they held each other with music playing in the distance and the moon in the sky. But it felt like the opposite now. There was silence and the sun was shining bright. But it was the same feeling. The same feeling of content and misery at the same time.
After some time, he pulled back, kissing her head again before meeting her eyes. “What is it, Ana?”
She chews on her lip, not sure if she should ask him or not. If she didn’t ask him, he’d either disappear suddenly or he could stay and just not talk about it. And Ana was willing to weigh the pros and cons of that.
“Are you going to war?”
Ashton’s face was surprised before it turned into something soft. Something sympathetic. As if he were preparing for her tears.
Quietly, he takes her and pressed up against his chest.
“...Yes. Yes, I am,”
That day turned into the worst cry of her life.
_______________________________________________________________
Before she knew it, she was attending the send-off for the troops. With her eyes puffy from crying, she looked around for Ashton. He stood tall with his armor and horse but it was clear he was distracted. At some point, the two’s eyes met and she gave him an uncertain smile. He smiled and nodded back before focusing back on the king’s goodbye speech.
And then they were off. Just like that.
Ana couldn’t concentrate on her work for the following months.
_______________________________________________________________
To my dearest Ana,
Life at a war camp is unexpectedly peaceful at times. Because I am here more for strategy and not actual battle, I live a life that is peaceful before it becomes stressful and busy. War is unexpected, I suppose. Although the biggest surprise is how easy it is to come up with a successful plan. But I suppose it’s because the other kingdoms aren’t too good at the art of war. I don’t doubt I’ll be home within the year.
I hope you are doing well and you are attending your classes. I hope you’re not missing me too much. I know that I miss you a lot. I dream of you before I fall asleep. Sometimes, you appear in my dreams. Whenever you do, you’re so beautiful and I’m so glad I can hold you. But then I wake up. And I feel significantly more lonely than before.
Forever yours,
Lord Ashton
_______________________________________________________________
To Ashton my love,
I am quite surprised at hearing how war life is like. But I’m not surprised. You aren’t in the middle of the battle yet so it must be peaceful until a surprise attack comes. I don’t think the other kingdoms are bad at war. They just don’t have the smartest people on the field. I’ve met their advisors and they use longer words, not for their intended use. It’s… pitiful.
I am attending my classes! I’m not sure why you think I don’t. The only time I’ve skipped my classes was when I was a child. And I’ve been scolded for that already. I’m not sure why everyone keeps on bringing it up… Perhaps I’m just too easy to tease. Or maybe it’s because I was such a rebel as a child. Who knows! I sure don’t.
I miss you a lot. My heart aches for your touch again. I don’t dream of you too often but it makes me happy to know that you dream of me. I find myself daydreaming a lot about you. About your arms and how happy I am in them. About your smile and how often I find myself smiling along with you. About your eyes and the lovestruck gazes you give me. I dream about it all. I can’t stop dreaming about it. And I hope you can’t stop dreaming about me. Please don’t feel lonely afterward. I’ll be in your arms soon and you’ll be in mine. It’s a promise.
Love,
Your princess.
_______________________________________________________________
Dear Ana,
Please meet me at our secret meeting spot.
- Ashton
_______________________________________________________________
For the next few months, Ana waited at the ruins whenever he sent her that note. She waited for hours until the sun rose. But he never came. No matter how long she waited, he never came.
And she still received letters from him as if nothing had happened. When she questioned it, he would apologize and blame it on how suddenly the war needed him. She always tried to understand. But deep down, she was hurt.
One day, she received the same note. It was written like all of the others and she bit her lip when she saw it. But she went anyway. It only took her twenty minutes of waiting for her to vent out her frustrations to the forest with her back turned to the bench.
“A-Ashton. I don’t understand why you aren’t here. You promise me you’d be here. And you never show up. I’m hurt. I’m trying to understand that the war comes first but…” She sighs. “Maybe it’s because I’m too eager to see you. Maybe it’s because I believe in quick fixes too easily. Whatever it is, please give me a sign that I shouldn’t give up,”
She didn’t notice the footsteps approaching behind her. “Ana,”
She whips around to see… Ashton. On one knee and holding a ring.
“Ana… I’m so sorry. I haven’t fulfilled my promise and I’m so sorry. But it took too much convincing to your father to let me do this. The war didn’t need me. But I fought tooth and claw for us to be like this.”
Tears formed in her eyes as he continued to talk. “I love you, Ana. I will always love you. Please… always believe me when I say that I love you. I promised two years ago that we’d make this out alive and we’d be happy together. This. This is how I fulfill my promise.”
Her hands covered her mouth as she prepared for the next words he was going to say.
“Will you marry me?”
She didn’t stop the happy tears from flowing out her eyes as she nodded.
“Yes,”
He grinned before he stood up. She ran towards him and was caught in his arms, spinning her around. She laughed before she was set down. He slipped the ring onto her finger.
“I love you so much, Ana,”
“I love you too, Ashton,”
“More than anything,”
“More than the universe,”