Chapter Text
It should not hurt as much, it really shouldn't, and yet it hurt more than anything.
Nico did not understand how things went so wrong. First her parents, then Alex, and now Karolina.
She kept replaying the moment she left.
Nico does not like girls but she cannot stop thinking about what would have happened if they had kissed, it does not matter how hard she tries to focus on something else, Karolina is still in the forefront of her mind.
Maybe she should have brought her back, because not having her was more painful than discovering her parents were evil or being betrayed by Alex but Gert was right, Karolina made her choice. And of course she would, of course she would travel to another galaxy with a stranger if they needed help, how could Nico be mad at that. She was just sad and confused —and lonely—.
She had her other friends but she had not realized how special Karolina was, how much time they used to spend together, and how much she relied on her.
She wanted everything to stop, but it did not. It got worse.
Nico was holding Karolina’s bracelet while asking whoever might listen for help getting Molly back.
The next thing she knew Victor was the spy and she felt she was the worst person in the world, and the worst leader. She could not protect any of her friends, more than that she hurt them and now Victor had betrayed them. She did not know what to do.
The Hostel was suddenly filled with a familiar light. It could not be.
“Karolina?” Chase said, voicing the confusion everyone felt.
“No,” it felt like a dream, a miracle. It could not be, “if you're the real Karolina, tell me where—”
“In the Beverly Gardens, right before I left the planet.”
Karolina was always good at reading Nico.
“Oh, thank God,” she said falling into Karolina’s arms. It felt warmer than she remembered, and she hated that they could not have a proper reunion but they had to save Molly.
She knew they did not win. They defeated the bad guys, Geoffrey was back where he belonged, and yet they have never lost so much.
She was convinced she was the worst leader. The worst friend.
She could not even appreciate having Karolina back when everything still felt like it was falling apart. This was more painful.
Nothing made sense anymore, they lost Gert forever.
“Hey,” a voice broke into the silent room, “wanna talk? We didn't even get time to catch up.”
“I'm really glad you're back.”
“I'm happy to be back, you know, as happy as I can be considering... well, everything.”
“Yeah, it must suck to come here to this right after what happened to you... and to Xavin, y’know, the wedding thing and all.”
“Weirdly that feels like a small loss, Xavin doesn't agree of course, but I knew Gert, I cared about her, and we just lost her.”
There was a long moment of dead silence in the room. Karolina was now sitting on the bed facing Nico and took her hand.
“It wasn't your fault, Nico.”
Nico looked up. Karolina, more often than not knew exactly what Nico was thinking, and suddenly she realized why she felt so lonely when Karolina left. She was not very good at talking about her feelings or generally acknowledging them, she would rather deal with her feelings alone or avoid them altogether, but Karolina did not let her do that, and she hated to admit it, but she missed having someone she felt save enough to be vulnerable with.
“I'm supposed to protect you... protect them, and I failed miserably.”
“You did all you could, you saved Xavin and Molly and fixed the whole mess with the New Pride, you did amazing.”
“And yet, Gert is dead,” they were both silent for a moment, Nico let go a sigh before continuing, “and it's not only that, I've been a mess since you left, I don't know what's wrong with me.”
“Nothing is wrong with you, Nico,” Karolina said moving closer, “you're under a lot of stress, you've been trying to keep it together, to keep us together since the night our parents died.”
“And I'm not doing a very good job, first Alex, then you left, then Gert... Chase and Old Lace are also gone. I'm the worst leader and you can't deny it.”
“There's nothing you could've done, and Chase will be back, I know it. I came back.”
“Only because your planet exploded or something.”
“Or maybe I'm just meant to be here, with you.”
Nico looked back to their hands, she was holding to Karolina's like a lifeline. Karolina felt real and safe, and right, at that moment nothing felt right but her.
“We can't bring her back but we can keep doing what we do for her, I know it's not a lot but that's what we can do."
"I shouldn't have wasted the spell on Alex," Nico whispered.
"Don't say that you did the right thing, you always try to do the right thing, that's all we can do Nico, don't be so hard on yourself."
"I'm gonna miss her so much," Nico almost smiled, "we've known her since she was born."
"Yeah, you went to kindergarten together, right?"
"She was a piece of work back then, one time she hid all My Little Ponies in the woods because she said they didn't belong in captivity."
"Well she was right," Nico smiled at Karolina's remark, maybe they could mourn in a slightly less painful way, maybe Gert would have liked that, "I can't believe you used to play with My Little Ponies," Karolina said mirroring Nico's smile.
"I was five."
"Still, seems pretty out of character now."
"Well, I'm not playing with them now. Also, I kept them captive so there's that."
"Okay, yeah, that's true."
After a moment of staring at Karolina's eyes, Nico hugged her for a long while, she was sure that she wouldn't be able to continue after all of it if Karolina was not there. When she finally let go her heart dropped a little bit and she felt a little dizzy, but she ignored it.
"I wanted to apologize," she said and bit her lip, "for the way I acted when you left, I mean."
"You don't have to, Nico, I understand. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."
"I... I just wasn't expecting it. It took me by surprise," Nico said looking down.
"Nico..." Karolina said softly and Nico could not help but look up to find a caring look she did not feel like she deserved but Karolina was just so beautiful that she could not look away. "We are going to be okay, all of us."
It was a good thing Nico did not like girls because if she did, she would be so incredibly jealous and a little bit heartbroken.